Part of the “Life After Narcissism” Series | Angel J. Storm, Ph.D. 1 – You are my purpose and my dream and I live to help you fulfill yours. 2 I was traveling recently and was sitting in an airport when a friend’s husband called and told me an idea he had. “Why don’t you create a workbook of some kind that takes women through the steps of healing after a relationship with narcissism and then do a one day conference on the topic. You can travel around with these workbooks doing one day impartation sessions.” knew this was the next step and I immediately began brainstorming the content. I knew I wanted it to be customizable for each person who bought it. The reason this is in a binder is so that you can do just that. If you need to write more, add pages. If you’re not ready to work on a section, skip it or remove it altogether. If you want to go through this book more than once, you can keep your old notes and add new pages and reflect on your growth. If there are sections you want to do with a friend or a family member, I encourage you to do that and there’s space in here for all your notes and memories. This book is deeply personal. It is the fruit of a struggle that I went through to produce it. It wasn’t easy and I didn’t like it. In fact I hated years of it but I’m finally able to look back and say “it was worth it.” It was so worth it. I got free to help others get out of bondage and shine a spotlight on an area that permeates every sphere of society. For too long the Church has turned a blind eye and even empowered the narcissist to remain active in imprisoning others, stealing their identities and destinies. No more! I pray this book not only brings healing to your soul and spirit but that it shifts the trajectory of your bloodline’s destinies. You can be the change and you can break the curses. Every chapter starts with a small snippet of my own story. Many of them are taken from my book, Unmoved. God placed it on my heart to be open about my experiences. There is impartation available to you even through a book. Following my own story there are teachings on a certain aspect of narcissism and every chapter ends with activities of some kind. The goal of this book is two-fold: 1) Increase education and awareness of what narcissism is and how to deal with someone who exhibits these traits. If I am aware and lit up with my knowledge and discernment and so are you and everyone else reading this, we aren’t just bettering our own lives; we are creating less dark spaces in society for narcissists to exist. All demonic activity can only exist in the absence of light. 2) Assist in the healing of your spirit and soul, your family, your relationships, your trust and your identity. These are often stolen when you come into long periods of contact with narcissists but it does not have to stay that way. There is always hope. God is always good and always redemptive. This is my fourth book and each one has led me on a different journey with Jesus and for that I am grateful. May the hope of Heaven, breath of the Spirit and the Love of God encompass you as you read and work through this book. Finding your voice and putting your story into words is so needed and it’s needed now. The last part of this book lends a hand to help you do this but most important is your connection to the Creator, the Defender and Deliverer. He crafted you to share a very powerful message of the Kingdom that is unique. May you discover that message at a deeper depth through this journey. Angel J. Storm, Ph.D. | Founder / Director | Ashes to Beauty Ministries 3 4 In My Experience… Shortly after coming home from Afghanistan in 2014 I reconnected with a man I had met seven years earlier. I wanted to be a mom and I overlooked everything and anything that could convince me this wasn’t a good idea. He lived in Florida but came up to DC (where I was living) for a couple weeks at a time over the course of a few months. There were so many red flags, but I overlooked every one of them. First, he hadn’t worked since 2010 and he could not finish anything he started. He was constantly moving from thing to thing and was extremely non- committal in all his ways and later on I would find out why. But there were far worse things than holding a job or anything of commitment. He was so destructive. Everything about him was deceitful and violent. One time we were in a huge fight – we were both yelling and he was calling me all kinds of names and pushing me around for hours. Out of the blue he stopped and asked if we could just go get dinner. I drove us to a Chipotle down the street. When we got there, he paid for the meals of everyone who was in line. It was over $150 and everyone there of course thanked him. He smiled at everyone, firmly shook their hands and said it was his pleasure. The moment we got back in the car he started cussing at me and calling me names. When we got back to my place, the fight resumed all night. This is how narcissists work. They are incredible charmers in public and they make people think that there is no way there is an evil side to them. They are extremely manipulative and in this case, sadistic. At this point in the story I didn’t know what this was. I knew it was not normal and this was unstable behavior but I had no idea how dangerous someone with a Cluster B personality is and how much damage they could wreck on a life.i The Mayo Clinic describes Cluster B personality disorders as “dramatic, overly emotional or unpredictable [in their] thinking or behavior.”ii These include antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), borderline personality disorder (BPD), histrionic personality disorder (HPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). These disorders can occur on their own but often are combined with another; meaning someone who has NPD will often have ASPD or another form of Cluster B disorder as well. One person who was never fooled by his act was my mom. She knew that I wanted to get pregnant but always spoke up against it. She has an incredible gift of discernment but I didn’t listen to her. Later on in this story, this guy will convince trained therapists and even other members of my family that he was a genuine person looking to be a good dad to my babies and that he did all he could to be there for them, but my mom was never won over by that act. So, at this point in the story it was constant chaos but unfortunately I chose to do nothing with these signs and instead I hoped he would get better. I overlooked everything he was because I was so focused on what I wanted. We would fight for 12 days and then the last two days he was in town it would be great, he would apologize and tell me how much he also wanted a family. When he left DC, we spoke on the phone and again he told me how much he wanted our relationship to work. It was constant up and down. I loved the “up” parts. He was adventurous and we were also going to new places and discovering things together. The “downs” were so bad that I wanted to forget them. And usually I did. I’m ashamed to say it, but during this time I also knew that he was self-medicating with drugs, specifically hallucinogens. There was a noticeable difference in his behavior when he was 5 on them but it was for the best, and so I overlooked it, knowing my own job would be in jeopardy for me being around it. He would be calm and easy going and there was rarely a fight when he was high. I was so focused on getting my life on the plan I had for it. I didn’t think about the effects of my actions beyond the immediacy of my situation. Writing this now it sounds incredibly stupid. What saddens me is that there are so many who are in this situation now. They don’t know how they got there and now they are stuck. They feel ashamed to ask for help because they feel those they ask will tell them they deserve it for not looking at the picture clearly. There is also a real fear of leaving a situation like this. The violence can escalate quickly and while Cluster B personalities are known for being liars, I never questioned whether he was telling the truth or not when he would threaten violence. I knew he was serious. Narcissists also have to be the center of everything. They need people to depend on them so they can pull those strings whenever it benefits them. Many of them get pleasure from seeing others suffer because they know they can control how people feel (ASPD).