AND? ? How to Build Relationships through Inventive Negotiation AND John L. Graham Lynda Lawrence William Hernández Requejo Copyright John L. Graham, Lynda Lawrence, William Hernandez Requejo, 2020 All rights reserved. Amazon.com Services LLC, 2020 First printing by Palgrave Macmillan, 2014 9781137370150_01_pre.indd iv 2/24/2014 2:54:40 PM John’s—To the family I grew up in: Charlotte, John, Sherry, Mary Ellen, Steve, and Bill. They were my first teachers of negotiation. Also, as I type these words of thanks I’m thinking of Anne Gallagher, founder of Seeds of Hope, driving me around Dublin and Belfast, showing me the paths to peace. Lynda’s—To Ruth, Lynn, and Tom for 156 years of love and support. William’s—To my family, Martha, William, and Marina for their creativity, thoughtfulness, and simplicity. 9781137370150_01_pre.indd v 2/24/2014 2:54:40 PM 9781137370150_01_pre.indd vi 2/24/2014 2:54:40 PM Contents List of Exhibits and Table ix P r e f a c e xi Acknowledgments xiii Introduction: Bought a Car Lately? 1 1 Going Forward to the Past: A Brief History of Negotiation 9 2 Spotting a Glimmer of Opportunity 19 3 I d e n t i f y i n g a n d C r e a t i n g P a r t n e r s 3 1 4 B u i l d i n g P e r s o n a l R e l a t i o n s h i p s 4 3 5 Designing Systems for Success 57 6 Getting the Team Right 75 7 L e v e r a g i n g D i v e r s i t y 9 3 8 E x p l o r i n g P l a c e / S p a c e / P a c e 1 1 5 9 Preparing for Emotions/Power/Corruption 133 1 0 C h a n g i n g R o l e s 1 4 7 1 1 C r e a t i n g S u r p r i s e s 1 6 5 1 2 I m p r o v i s i n g 1 8 1 1 3 P l a y i n g T o g e t h e r N i c e l y 1 9 1 1 4 R e v i e w i n g a n d I m p r o v i n g 2 0 1 A p p e n d i x 1 : Defining Inventive Negotiations in Technical Terms 211 A p p e n d i x 2 : 82 Ways to Generate More Ideas 215 9781137370150_01_pre.indd vii 2/24/2014 2:54:40 PM viii ● Contents About the Authors 219 N o t e s 221 Index 235 9781137370150_01_pre.indd viii 2/24/2014 2:54:41 PM Exhibits and Table Exhibits 3.1 US patents granted to invention teams that include both American and Chinese citizens 42 5.1 Actors and audiences in the GM-Toyota negotiations 63 5.2 The global negotiation process 64 7.1 Average number of ideas put on the table 97 7.2 Individualism index scores and linguistic distance for selected countries and regions 103 10.1 GDP per capita, UK and Ireland 156 10.2 Percentage of widows over 65 living alone 158 10.3 Percentage of 18–34 year-olds living in parents’ home 159 1 0 . 4 P e r c e n t a g e o f m u l t i g e n e r a t i o n a l h o u s e h o l d s 1 5 9 1 0 . 5 P e r c e n t a g e o f U S p o p u l a t i o n o v e r 6 5 1 6 0 1 4 . 1 L a w y e r s p e r 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 p e o p l e 2 0 2 Table A1 Three types of agreements 212 9781137370150_01_pre.indd ix 2/24/2014 2:54:41 PM 9781137370150_01_pre.indd x 2/24/2014 2:54:41 PM Preface “ ND?” When spoken with a rising tone, this simplest of sen- tences represents the essence of inventive negotiations in two A fundamental ways. First, it recognizes that invention is a social activity involving you and me, and sometimes even Dick and Jane and Yoshi and Maria. Second, this simplest of questions asks “what’s next” after an agreement and beyond that old “getting to yes.” It also avoids the creativity killing “yeah, but . ” It implies a long- term relationship among partners where synergy pertains. Our book (henceforward we’ll just call it Inventive Negotiation ) is about a new way of thinking about human exchange and about how to conduct inventive negotiations in all aspects of your life—personal, commer- cial, political, and global. 9781137370150_01_pre.indd xi 2/24/2014 2:54:41 PM 99781137370150_01_pre.indd781137370150_01_pre.indd xxiiii 22/24/2014/24/2014 22:54:41:54:41 PPMM Acknowledgments hanks to all the members of the board of the University of California, Irvine, Center for Citizen Peacebuilding for T their wonderful work and their influences on our writing. Particularly Paula Garb’s and Dulcie and Larry Kugelman’s good ideas and dedication to building peace are represented in these pages. Eric Algreen-Petersen’s tutelage was instrumental in building the team for the book. Laurie Harting, our editor at Palgrave Macmillan who saw a glimmer of opportunity that others had missed and profoundly affected the construction of our book. All our storytellers: Eli Simon, Bruce Money, Sudhir Venkatesh, Robert Nagourney, Marrisa Arzate, Anthony Chang, Mary Robinson, Jan Sunoo, William Graham, Carol Holt, Matthew Alexander, Father Gregory Boyle, Amaury Gallais, Gregg Curly, Yoshihiro Sano, Mark Lam, David Obstfeld, Jorge Habetha, Mili Decompo Rama, Lawrence Burns, Geert Hofstede, Samantha Cross, Mary Gilly, John Gerretsen, Paul Ekman, Bernard Lafayette, Sharon Graham Niederhaus, Teresa Lavell, Paula Garb, and Robert Cohen. The excellent cover was designed by Jesse Sanchez and Simone Beaudoin. In memoriam: Miguel Alfonso Martinez, Anne Gallagher, Edward T. Hall, James Day Hodgson. 9781137370150_01_pre.indd xiii 2/24/2014 2:54:41 PM 99781137370150_01_pre.indd781137370150_01_pre.indd xxiviv 22/24/2014/24/2014 22:54:41:54:41 PPMM Introduction: Bought a Car Lately? The sale begins when the customer says yes. —Harvey Mackay 1 ith hundreds of books and courses available on negotiation, why on earth would you need another one? The answer, W in short, is that the world has changed in profound ways in the last decade, and techniques that worked in that world are not effective today—and certainly won’t be tomorrow. As a brief example, let’s consider the one negotiation that almost everyone dreads: buying a new car. Each of us had that task this year, and our three experiences illustrate just how much the rules have changed. John set out to help his daughter with her purchase. She’d already selected the model she wanted and had test driven it; their mis- sion was simply to buy the car for the best price. The salesman was adamant—before talking about price, she just had to drive the car. It took John and his daughter ten minutes to explain several times that they had already done that—they just wanted to buy the car. Reluctant to relinquish this time-tested technique to soften up the customer, the salesman finally ushered father and daughter into his tiny office. They asked about the price and terms. Following his script, the salesman wouldn’t give them a price, and instead insisted that they tell him what John’s daughter could afford to pay each month. They declined, asking the salesman again to tell them the price of the car. He refused and asked again what she wanted to pay. They asked again about the price. By this time, voices were raised, and John’s daughter left in disgust. Ultimately she bought another brand. Clearly, this salesman was following the negotiating strategy that has long been used in car sales. The test drive gives customers the 9781137370150_02_int.indd 1 2/24/2014 2:55:03 PM 2 ● Inventive Negotiation physical feeling of the car, but more important, it helps them see themselves driving this very car , and they start to develop an emo- tional attachment to it. The salesman’s next step is to get the customer to make the first offer and to commit to a price he or she is willing to pay. Typically, this takes the buyer down a path toward commit- ment, and the salesman can then jiggle the terms to match the price the buyer has already committed to. The salesman retains the power since he has all the information, and the buyer has already come more than halfway toward purchase. This strategy is typical of the com- petitive/transactional approach, where one person’s gain is another person’s loss. And this is a primary reason that people hate to buy cars, especially in the United States, where most other sales do not involve bargaining. William took a different approach and sought the advice of a friend who had been the finance manager at a number of car dealerships. Trained as an attorney, William knew only too well that the selling of a car was one of the most highly choreographed commercial negotia- tions in the United States,2 which is why he turned to his friend.