BENEATH THE MASK OF HOLINESS THOMAS MERTON AND THE FORBIDDEN LOVE AFFAIR THAT SET HIM FREE MARK SHAW 01 shaw fm:Layout 1 10/7/09 1:35 PM Page i Photograph of Thomas Merton by John Lyons. Used with permission of the Merton Legacy Trust and the Thomas Merton Center at Bellarmine University. 01 shaw fm:Layout 1 10/7/09 1:35 PM Page ii BOOKS BY THOMAS MERTON BOOKS BY MARK SHAW (PARTIAL LIST) Melvin Belli, King of the Courtroom A Vow of Conversation Miscarriage of Justice: The Jonathan Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander Pollard Story Contemplation in a World of Action Dandelions in the Moonlight Echoing Silence Down for the Count Honorable Reader: Reflections Forever Flying of My Work (with R. A. “Bob” Hoover) Love and Living Testament to Courage New Seeds of Contemplation The Perfect Yankee (with Don No Man Is an Island Larsen) The Seven Storey Mountain Bury Me in a Pot Bunker The Sign of Jonas (with Pete Dye) The Wisdom of the Desert Clydesdales: The World’s Most Thoughts on the East Magical Horse The Collected Poems of Jack Nicklaus, Golf’s Thomas Merton Greatest Champion The Literary Essays of How to Become a Published Author: Thomas Merton Idea to Inspiration The Inner Experience Diamonds in the Rough The Monastic Journey Let the Good Times Roll The Asian Journal (with Larry Goshen) The Journals of Thomas Merton From Birdies to Bunkers (seven volumes) (with Alice Dye) Zen and the Birds of Appetite Larry Legend 01 shaw fm:Layout 1 10/7/09 1:35 PM Page iii BENEATH the MASK of HOLINESS THOMAS MERTON AND THE FORBIDDEN LOVE AFFAIR THAT SET HIM FREE MARK SHAW 01 shaw fm:Layout 1 10/7/09 1:35 PM Page iv Dedicated to my wife, Wen-ying Lu The light of my life BENEATH THE MASK OF HOLINESS Copyright © Mark Shaw, 2009. All rights reserved. First published in 2009 by PALGRAVE MACMILLAN® in the US–a division of St. Martin’s Press LLC, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010. Where this book is distributed in the UK, Europe and the rest of the world, this is by Palgrave Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited, registered in England, company number 785998, of Houndmills, Basingstoke, Hampshire RG21 6XS. Palgrave Macmillan is the global academic imprint of the above companies and has companies and representatives throughout the world. Palgrave® and Macmillan® are registered trademarks in the United States, the United Kingdom, Europe and other countries. ISBN: 978-0-230-61653-0 Shaw, Mark, 1945– Beneath the mask of holiness : Thomas Merton and the forbidden love affair that set him free / Mark Shaw. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references (p.) and index. ISBN 0-230-61653-4 1. Merton, Thomas, 1915–1968. 2. Trappists—United States—Biography. 3. Merton, Thomas, 1915–1968—Relations with women. 4. Smith, Margie. I. Title. BX4705.M542S53 2009 271’.12502—dc22 [B] 2009021749 A catalogue record of the book is available from the British Library. Design by Letra Libre First edition: November 2009 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Printed in the United States of America. 01 shaw fm:Layout 1 10/7/09 1:35 PM Page v CONTENTS Prologue vii BOOK I BLOSSOMING LOVE CHAPTER 1 “Perfect Freedom Equals Perfect Love” 3 CHAPTER 2 Margie 7 BOOK II THE SEVEN STOREY MOUNTAIN CHAPTER 3 The Orphan 19 CHAPTER 4 Visions of Merton’s Father 31 CHAPTER 5 Franciscan Denial 43 BOOK III THE THOMAS MERTON JOURNALS CHAPTER 6 Searching for the True Merton 55 CHAPTER 7 Freedom Seeker 69 CHAPTER 8 “People Think I Am Happy” 77 CHAPTER 9 Dancing in the Water of Life 83 BOOK IV THE MERTON BIOGRAPHERS CHAPTER 10 The Other Side of the Story 91 CHAPTER 11 Calamity at Cambridge 101 CHAPTER 12 The Restless Merton 107 CHAPTER 13 The Harebrained Neurotic 121 BOOK V MARGIE OR GOD CHAPTER 14 Questions and Answers 131 01 shaw fm:Layout 1 10/7/09 1:35 PM Page vi CHAPTER 15 Merton the Christian 139 CHAPTER 16 Substitute Mothers and Fathers 147 CHAPTER 17 “We Are Terribly in Love” 157 CHAPTER 18 “Margie Loves You and Will Always Love You” 169 CHAPTER 19 Margie or God 181 BOOK VI THE TRUE MERTON CHAPTER 20 Broken Vows 189 CHAPTER 21 The New Merton 199 CHAPTER 22 Thomas Merton: The Man, The Legacy 213 Acknowledgments 219 Notes 221 Index 241 01 shaw fm:Layout 1 10/7/09 1:35 PM Page vii PROLOGUE During the 1950s and 1960s, he was the most famous Catholic monk in the world. During his lifetime he wrote more than 70 books read by millions of readers. One, The Seven Storey Mountain (SSM), an autobiography published when he was only 33 years old, sold more copies during its initial printing than another classic, For Whom the Bell Tolls, by Ernest Hemingway, had a few years earlier. Later, some critics mentioned SSM as one of the 100 greatest books ever written. During the height of his fame, he was promoted by the Catholic Church and its superiors at the Vatican in Rome as the poster boy for the contempla- tive life detached from the material world. Together, they portrayed him as peaceful, happy, and content to be at the Abbey of Gethsemani, the oldest Trappist monastery in the United States. After his death in 1968, acclaimed Dutch priest and spiritualist Henri Nouwen called him “the most important spiritual writer of the twentieth century.” Others labeled him a “genius,” and he became an inspiration to everyone from renowned authors Ann Lamott and Sue Monk Kidd to famed singer and songwriter Joan Baez to His Holi- ness, the Dalai Lama. Calling him a brother whose impact would remain until his last breath, His Holiness applauded his understanding of Eastern religions, his inclusionary beliefs regarding spirituality, and his nonviolent stance as a po- litical activist who was among the first to denounce the Vietnam War. Without question, he was the most widely read monastic writer since Saint Bernard of Clairvaux, the twelfth-century French abbot. His books have been translated into nearly 30 languages and are read because of their appeal to those dedicated to a life of serious prayer, peace, love, and contemplation. His poetry is revered for its inspirational tone, and his gifts as a wordsmith cause comparisons with the land of the giants, contemporaries such as Hem- ingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Jack Kerouac, and Henry Miller. As of 2008, no fewer than ten full-bore biographies had been written about him, along with 01 shaw fm:Layout 1 10/7/09 1:35 PM Page viii BENEATH the MASK of HOLINESS thousands of dissertations, essays, and articles chronicling his inspiring life story at every turn. At both Nazareth College in Rochester, New York, and the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley, among others, entire courses are focused on his life and extensive body of work. One of his books, The Wisdom of the Desert, was listed by Oprah Winfrey as “one of the five books everyone should read at least once.”1 In December 2008, the main display of famous Catholic writers in London’s Westminster Cathedral bookshop featured only him, Pope Benedict, and Pope John Paul II.2 In what may be seen as a tribute to his writing prowess, the archbishop of Canterbury, during a 2008 Christmas address, quoted his description of him- self as being like a “feather on the breath of God.”3 As 2009 dawned, he re- mained a spiritual guru and beacon of light for a multitude of followers around the world. There are more than thirty chapters of his international society in North America, and many more around the world in countries from Australia and New Zealand to Brazil, Canada, France, Great Britain, Italy, and Spain. All this and more is true, but there is another side of the story, one never before told in its entirety. It relates to a man who, while admitting character flaws, hid important details of a sinful pre-monastic past that shadowed him from his days as a teenager to the moment he walked through the gates of the Abbey of Gethsemani in December 1941. Unbeknownst to friends, fellow monks, and his legion of followers, he was, despite periods of happiness dur- ing a ten-year period, a tormented and suffering monk imprisoned by the abbot of the monastery he sought to leave. Despite writing several books about how others should lead a contemplative life and be one with God, he lived in a secret world haunted by ghosts of past conduct related to irreverent behav- ior with women, as well as the knowledge that he had never learned how to love, and be loved. In addition, he felt guilt and remorse about not being the contented man he was proclaimed to be by enablers, including the powers-that-be in the Catholic Church who controlled his image. Deliberately hidden from view, his torment was known only to God. Such emotions denied him any chance to totally discover the solitude and freedom he coveted most of his life. When all seemed lost, and this celebrity monk truly believed he would never escape inner demons and completely cleanse his lost soul, the sky opened in late March 1966 and he was presented with a chance at salvation. The in- strument of hope was a beautiful, sensual student nurse half his age named Margie Smith, with whom he fell deeply in love at first sight. Given the bless- viii 01 shaw fm:Layout 1 10/7/09 1:35 PM Page ix PROLOGUE ing of love from a true-to-life angel and the prospect of a forbidden affair, could he discover his true self and come closer to being with “God alone,” or would he decide that the woman of his dreams could replace his love for, and dedication to, the God who had saved his life? This man in turmoil, in crisis, was the famous Catholic monk Thomas Merton, and here, finally, is the true story of his life, warts and all, providing inspiration for anyone who has ever suffered during a search for the meaning of love.