I_TO PH9;NDO?E:A?PJO?A ;:?JD;OM7?:N;P; <7?A6BD cc_ ccc cb b b^cb 7;F:AE:A:HO;:?G=F?J7N: <9 FM??G6J 7HOPEG?F This book, or any part thereof, may not be reproduced for sale or profit. This remains exclusively the right of the author. However, the author hereby grants full permission to copy and disseminate this compendium or any part thereof, for the benefit of the community, without any profit to the reproducer or disseminator Considerable funds and effort were invested to create this volume and any contributions to help defray the cost of its publication would be greatly appreciated! TYM\KQbMZPMHbM`ZLUZ`a_bLTHX [email protected] 2 ac_^ cacc` ^_^_ac_^c cc ac_^^ `b` 3 Addictions: Halocho and Hashkofo PREFACE Haskomos/Approbations. .9 Forward . 13 Introduction . 15 Letter to a Rabbi of Integrity . 21 Letter to the Rebbitzen . .25 FOOD ADDICTION Food Addiction and Shabbos Seudos . 29 Food Addiction & the Pesach Seder . 36 Oat Bran . .40 OASAS Divrei Brocho v’Chizuk. 42 A Food Addict’s Letter to Her Rav. .45 OA, TLC and Binah Magazine. 48 Food Addiction Teshuvos Oatmeal & Wholewheat patties. 59 Brocho on Wheatsquares. .64 Oat Bran in Halocho . 67 Correspondence with Rav Belsky and Rav Heineman. 71 Oat Bran “Taste Test” - OU & Star-K. .73 Oat Matzohs - Correspondence with Rav Westheim . .75 RECOVERY Halachic Parameters of Addictions & Pikuach Nefesh/Refuah . 83 Treatment – to What Extent? . .89 Mitzvah Observance in a “Rehab” Facility. .92 Proposal for an In-Patient Jewish Rehab. .95 Halachic and Hashkafic Challenges in Recovery: . 100 Anger at Hashem. 101 Pesach Cleaning. .103 Tefilla Priorities. 109 Are the 12 steps Kosher. .115 What is Spirituality. 118-148 Prayer at 12 Step Recovery Meetings . 150 Kneeling. 161 Terminology - 12-step Recovery to Mental Health Profession . .165 “Powerlessness” . .185 Chazon Ish Letter. .186 4 Rav Tzadok HaCohein - Resisei LoyLa . 187 189. זהר הקדש – אין דבר עומד בפני הרצון THE “S” ADDICTIONS Introduction. .193 Practical SA Shaalos . 195 Interview with Binah Magazine. 197 An Internet SA’s letter to Rabbi Menahel . .199 An S-Anon’s Letter to Rav Matisyohu. .205 An S-Anon’s Letter s to Her Rabbis . .208 DOMESTIC ABUSE The Torah’s Perspective: The Peleh Yo’etz & Shulchon Aruch. .219 The Rambam – Mishne Torah. 222 The Professionals’ Opinions. .. 224 Halachic Parameters of Abuse. 235 Reporting –Personal & Rabbinic Responsibility. 238 The Selection of a Bais Din. 243 Abuse Victims’ “Need” for “A Settling of Accounts”. 247 Domestic Abuse Teshuvos When am I Exempt from Reporting Abuse? . 251 Kibud Av v’Em- Respecting Parents. 261 Custody in Abuse Situations. .271 Molester/Pedophile Teshuvos RJJ Journal of Halacha. 281 Letter to Moetzes of Agudas Israel & Rejoinder . 285 Halachic Parameters of Molestation. 293 Edison Rosh Yeshiva – Correspondence . 299 Support Documents; Research Papers Letter to Yated. .361 Dong 2003- Universal capacity of abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction during childhood to cause severe enduring impairment. 367 Linehan - “Invalidating Family Experiences ” . .385 Anda 2006 - Enduring effects of abuse/neglect on childrens’ brains . .390 Food as bad as drugs. 416 Danieli - Intergenerational Transmission of PTSD. .429 HaModiah -Children of the Lager. .451 The Chosen People . .467 5 6 PREFACE 7 8 Haskomos/Approbations for my previous work: 9 10 11 12 FORWARD There is a saying, “Religion is for people who are afraid of going to Gehinnom/Hell; Spirituality* is for those who have already been there!!” This compendium of Teshuvos (Halachic Responsa) is being published for both of the above groups: 1) For the second group, those who have “been there already”, and are beginning now to find their path in spiritual recovery, this compendium will provide them with Halachic and Hashkafic guidance tailored to meet their specific needs. It covers the spectrum of addictions: from food addiction to sexual addiction; And the codependent syndromes/symptoms suffered by victims of abuse (please see page 21 for description and definition of abuse as used in our context!) 2) For the first group, this volume is also intended to serve a very important function. Namely to acquaint them with the yearnings, challenges and aspirations of the other group - this significant part of the Jewish people that desire to serve and feel connected with Hashem; but cannot do so in the context of what is erroneously considered by most, as the required Halachic standards. My experience of 16 years in this endeavor, has taught me that we, * The term SPIRITUALITY as used in this aphorism and throughout this volume is NOT identical with what is, in our common terminology, described as RUCHNIYUS; AND neither of them are synonymous with RELIGION. This differentiation is a basic fundamental that needs to be absorbed and grasped at a deep level, in order to comprehend the “world of recovery”. Please see pgs 118-148 for elaboration. 13 as a community, who pride ourselves on being the normal, mainstream flag-bearers of Torah and its Mesorah would do very well to take a step back, as I personally was forced to do (see pgs 118-134), and see whether what we are really promoting is authentic Torah Judaism and its values. Some of what is written in this volume is very shocking to our preconceived value system. This is because we perceive our Jewish Cultural Mores as being identical with Halachic Torah Observance! However, the intellectually honest reader will come to realize, as he contemplates what is written within this volume that there is much in our cultural mores that is considerably “off-the-mark”. Indeed, the more appropriate question that should be asked is, “Is the Judaism (Yidishkeit, Chareiidism, Yeshivishkeit, Chasidishe, Heimishe) that presents itself to our eyes really a true representation of what God has written in His Torah and stated in His Oral Torah?” Or have distortions and misperceptions crept in and now have become counterfeit axioms of a quasi new religion. Rav SR Hirsch & Rav Yisroel Salanter in the 19th century and the Chazon Ish in the past century all admonished to be very careful not to confuse Jewish Culture with Torah Observance. Or as has been wittingly remarked, “Please! Do not confuse Jews with Judaism!” To this end, I have included my source-material and cross- references within the Teshuvos, so that the reader can study them and ascertain for himself the veracity and acceptability of my conclusions, guidance and recommended solutions; OR alternatively the reader should be able to demonstrate where I have erred. If indeed this is the case, I would greatly appreciate a communication so that I may correct my error! 14 INTRODUCTION Is a person afflicted with Mental Illness considered a Choleh (sick) by Halocho? In its more serious forms can Mental Illness be considered a Choleh SheYesh Bo Sakana? (A life-threatening disease?) Does it fall under the rubric of Pikuach Nefesh? (Do we lay aside most of the Torah’s laws in consideration of attending to the medical needs of such an afflicted person?) These questions are central to the contents of this volume. If one answers the above questions in the affirmative; then the majority of what follows will not be surprising to the reader who is knowledgeable of the Halachic requirements and directives in regards to medical needs. This work then is merely a simplified ordering of practical Halachos and Hashkofos tailored specifically for a specific area of illness and health. To all too many within our community, however, and sad to say, even among our esteemed rabbinic and lay leadership, these basic premises are a matter of great confusion and consternation. The reason for this conflict is also explored in a number of the chapters within this volume (pgs 21, 45, 48, 118, 197-216, 238, 467-496). This introduction is being written with this latter, very significant portion of our people in mind. I am hopeful that our community will be sufficiently open-minded to realize that we are dealing with a very severe challenge to the very fabric of our Chareidi community that needs to be addressed in a very informed and enlightened manner. This volume seeks to expedite the enlightening process so as to alleviate and mitigate so much suffering among our people. The tragedy and travesty is that most of this suffering is totally unnecessary would we just allow ourselves to be educated in the causes, symptoms, remediation and prevention of these maladies. 15 In this vein, I am hopeful that the reader will consider and contemplate these words of introduction. So to return to our original questions: Is a person afflicted with Mental Illness considered a Choleh by Halocho? In its more serious forms can Mental Illness be considered a Choleh SheYesh Bo Sakana? Does it fall under the rubric of Pikuach Nefesh? In Halocho we find 2 criteria for establishing what is considered illness/life jeopardy and what is not: Criterion #1: Those items explicitly stated by Chazal to fall into any of these categories, is considered halachically as so doing today as well, even if modern medical research disagrees! A classic example of this is tearing (as in crying tears) with a bloody discharge from the eye. The Halocho considers this Pikuach Nefesh - sufficient grounds to set aside.