WASTEBOOK 2014 1 PAGE LEFT INTENTIONALLY BLANK Table of Contents Introduction..............................................................................................................................................2 Wastebook 2014 1. Paid Vacations for Bureaucrats Gone Wild.................................................................................................................................4 2. Swedish Massages for Rascally Rabbits.......................................................................................................................................8 3. Army Creates Free First-Person Shooter the Intelligence Community Worries Could Train Terrorists.......................8 4. Mountain Lions on a Treadmill..........................................................................................................................................................9 5. Anti-Terror Grant Buys State-of-the-Art SWAT Equipment for Safest Small Town in America.............................10 6. OPM Pays Contractor To “Flush” Security Clearance Investigations “like a dead goldfish”.....................................10 7. Spouses Stab Voodoo Dolls More Often When “Hangry”, Study Reveals......................................................................11 8. Scientists Hope Gambling Monkeys Unlock Secrets of Free Will......................................................................................11 9. Subsidies for Sports Stadiums Leave Taxpayers Holding the Bill......................................................................................12 10. Teen Zombie Sings, Tries to Get a Date to the Dance............................................................................................................13 11. Watching Grass Grow..........................................................................................................................................................................14 12. NIH Asks if Moms Love Dogs as Much as Kids..........................................................................................................................14 13. Taxpayers Help NY Brewery Build Beer Farm............................................................................................................................15 14. Colorado Orchestra Targets Youth with Stoner Symphony..................................................................................................16 15. U.S. Coast Guard Party Patrols........................................................................................................................................................16 16. Chronicling Vermont’s Radical Hippie Movement in the 1970’s..........................................................................................18 17. USDA’s “Perfect Poop Pak” Smells Like Government Waste..............................................................................................18 18. Synchronized Swimming for Sea Monkeys.................................................................................................................................19 19. Penn State Shame Study Asks How To Boost Morale After Scandal...............................................................................20 20. Promoting U.S. Culture Around the Globe with Nose Flutists, State Department Idol..............................................20 21. Free “High-End” Gym Memberships for DHS Bureaucrats....................................................................................................22 22. Golf Testing, Elementary School Experiments Aboard the International Space Station..........................................22 23. NASA’s Tower of Pork Protected by Politician...........................................................................................................................24 24. Congress Blocks Closure of Unneeded “Sheep Station”.......................................................................................................25 25. Spray Parks and “Splashpads” Help Beat The Summer Heat..............................................................................................26 26. Roosevelt and Elvis Make a Hallucinatory Pilgrimage to Graceland.................................................................................27 27. New Bridge Demolished for Using $3,271 Worth of Canadian Steel................................................................................28 28. Exploding Claims of “Sleep Apnea” Threaten to Bankrupt VA Disability Program......................................................29 29. Pentagon to Spend $1 Billion to Destroy $16 Billion in Unneeded Ammunition............................................................29 30. NASA Wonders How Humans Will React to Meeting Space Aliens...................................................................................30 31. Bruce Lee Dance Play Panned As Promoting Racial Stereotypes.....................................................................................30 WASTEBOOK 2014 32. Road through “Ghost Mall” Hopes to Scare Up Business......................................................................................................31 33. Postal Service Pays Thousands to Ship Soda to Alaska for Hundreds.............................................................................32 34. Taxpayers Sing the Blues for the Grammy’s Museum.............................................................................................................33 35. Voicemails From the Future Warn of Post Apocalyptic World.............................................................................................34 36. The Funny Ways Government Wastes Your Money: Laughing Classes...........................................................................35 37. FAA Upgrades Low-Traffic Airport Serving High-End Ski Resort.......................................................................................35 38. FEMA Overlooks Flood Victims, Rebuilds Golf Course Instead...........................................................................................35 39. Disney Polynesian Resort Gets Makeover....................................................................................................................................36 40. Space Agency Hunts for the Lost Tomb of Genghis Khan.....................................................................................................37 41. Abandoned Pennsylvania Mall Wants to be the East Coast Hollywood...........................................................................37 42. Wineries Get Help Selling Beer, Chile-Infused Wine...............................................................................................................38 43. Roaches, Mice, and Feces in Public Housing Funded by Uncle Sam, Slum Lord...........................................................39 44. DHS Buys Too Many Cars and Lets Them Sit Underused......................................................................................................39 45. Costs Skyrocket for “Birds in Space” Replica.............................................................................................................................40 46. DOD Tries to Build Real-Life “Iron Man” Suit..............................................................................................................................40 47. Drug Enforcement Administration Celebrates Itself With Own Museum........................................................................41 48. Missile Defense Misses the Target..................................................................................................................................................42 49. Virgin Island Ferries Sit Unused for Nearly a Year.....................................................................................................................43 50. Jonas Bonus: Rich and Famous Rent Out Their Pads Tax Free............................................................................................44 51. State Department Tweets @ Terrorists.........................................................................................................................................45 52. Border Patrol Builds Over-Priced Houses for Temporary Workers....................................................................................46 53. NASA Goes to Comic-Con, Explores the Marvel Universe....................................................................................................47 54. Army Corps Buildings in Afghanistan Keep Burning to the Ground...................................................................................48 55. Airport Tree-Trimming Project Turns into 27-Hole Golf Course Renovation..................................................................49 56. Earmark-Funded High-Speed Ferry Sinks Alaska Community...........................................................................................51 57. The Selling of an Airport to Nowhere.............................................................................................................................................51 58. NASA Study Predicts the Collapse of Human Civilization.....................................................................................................52 59. Facebook for Fossil Enthusiasts.......................................................................................................................................................52