WEATHER A Two-Act Play by Dave Scheffler copyright © 2013, by David A. Scheffler Cast of Characters FRED: Male, mid-20s TAMMY: Female, mid-20s JACK/PHIL/PHILO: Male, late 20s ROZ/ROSE: Female, late 20s CORNELIUS CLACK/RICHELIEU: Male, mid-30s BORDER INSPECTOR: Any, 20s-30s MOVEMENT LAWYERS (2): ML1: Male, 30s-50s ML2: Female, 30s-50s SUITS (2) (Agents of unspecified government agency): FIRST SUIT: Male, 30s-50s SECOND SUIT: Male, 30s-50s CLERK: Any, Any LOCALES various locations in and around Venice Beach, Los Angeles, CA Agricultural Inspection Station, Blythe, CA Hallway outside Grand Jury room, Federal Courthouse, Tucson, AZ Posh home, Hollywood Hills, Los Angeles, CA Motel outside Santa Barbara, CA TIME 1970 - before, during and after the Kent State "massacre" Some scenes may lend themselves to video production rather than being staged per se. The auto at the inspection station JACK and ROZ during the Grand Jury action etc I-1-1 ACT I Scene 1 SETTING: A bench on the Oceanfront Walk Venice Beach, CA FIRST SUIT sits on bench. SECOND SUIT walks by, stops, walks by again FIRST SUIT (FS) Sit down. Stop pacing. SECOND SUIT (SS) What? Excuse me? FS Sit down. Please sit down, sir. Your are being somewhat conspicuous with your pacing. SS Oh. OK. Sure. FS If you didn't want this meeting you should have sent someone else. SS What do you mean by that? Who? Send who? What's wrong with me? FS Nothing, surely, nothing at all. You just don't seem to be, well, how do they say, with the program. SS Fuck you FS Thank you. Surely, I thank you for that, sir. SS Stop fucking calling me fucking sir. I-1-2 FS Look at that old lady. SS What? FS The old lady over there on that bench. Shit. All the old ladies. They're everywhere. We're the ones who stick out. Let's make this quick or go into a car. Yeah, that's better. Let's talk in a car. SS Whose car? FS Well, mine, I guess. SS Why yours? What's wrong with mine? FS Nothing. Just it was my idea, I guess. SS Is your car wired? FS No. Of course not. Don't be stupid. SS It's not stupid. Are you wired? FS No.....Are you? SS No FS OK. Me neither. Look, we're supposed to be working together on this, right? Our people working together, right? Let's just relax, have our talk and get the fuck out of here. All these old ladies are making me nervous. I-1-3 SS OK. Well, we're here to talk about him, right? So, first of all, let's get something straight. Just who is he working for? FS For us, of course. SS No, I'm sure he works for us. I've got a report from him right here in my coat pocket. FS Well so do I. A report from him. From him to us. SS Are you saying he's working for both of us? Can he do that? FS Don't ask me. How the fuck would I know? Ask your superior. Ask your director. SS The director doesn't concern himself with such matters. FS Sure. I know that. Well, what does it matter? I guess he's working for both of us. Maybe that's why we're having this meeting... SS I suppose so. What's in the report he sent to you? FS I can't tell you that. What did he report to you? SS I'd rather not say....I mean, I am not permitted to share that information. FS Well, that's just fucking great... SS Pardon me? I-1-4 FS I can't tell you. You can't tell me. Why the hell are we sitting here then? SS I was told to come here and meet you. FS I know. Me too. I mean, I was told to come here and meet you, too. SS Well.... FS Yeah... FS/SS (simultaneously) Why don't we... (both chuckle, then clamp up) FS Well? SS ...Uhh...I mean, why not, uhh, tell each other what we can. There must be something we can say. FS Sure, there must be. You first. SS Why me? Why not you? FS What the fuck! ....All right, all right, then. Well, he says he's putting together something good, something big, well, pretty big, anyway... SS Really? Well, yes, he told us that, too. I-1-5 FS Good. Now we're getting somewhere. SS Right. ....Did he tell you when? FS No, not really. You? SS Nope FS He tell you what? SS ....Ummmmm..... FS Aha! He did! Well, what? What? SS Something....ummmm...it's gonna be....uhhhh...it's gonna be loud. FS Loud? SS Yes. Loud. FS I understand. Yes, that's the M.O., isn't it? The big bang. The, how shall we say, explosive statement. Good. I'm glad to hear it. That's what he told us, too. SS He did? FS Certainly I-1-6 SS Good. Then there's not much for us to do but sit back and let him pull the strings. Those idiot kids think they're so fucking smart. Boy, if they only knew where most of their brilliant revolutionary schemes really came from. He's our best agent provocateur - even if he does say so himself! FS Well, he should know what he's talking about, right? He's pretty damn smart, highly educated, in control, that guy... SS You bet! He sure is. ....Say, what do your people call him? FS I can't tell you that! That's strictly need to know. SS Sorry. Sure, I understand. Sorry. FS What about you guys? Do you have a special name for him? I mean, like a codename? SS Do you really think I could tell you even if we do? FS You're right. Sorry. I know. SS That's OK. Say, we do have a covername for his codename. I guess I could tell you that. FS Yeah? SS We call him....H.E. FS "h.e."? You mean, "he"? SS No. Just the initials, "H.E." I-1-7 FS What the hell does that mean? "h.e."? SS Stands for "His Eminence". "H.E." Get it? FS You guys are really fucked up. It's all true what they say about you, isn't it? SS What's that supposed to mean? OK, smart guy, what do you call him? Sorry, I mean, don't you have a declassified something you can give me? I told you ours. FS OK. Sure. Why not? I'm not ashamed of it. We call him "B.M." SS Are you serious? "b.m."? FS "Big Mouthpiece" SS "Big Mouthpiece"? Where the hell do you get off poking fun at our name? Who runs your agency, Red Skelton? FS All right. Forget it. Look, I guess we're done here anyway. SS Sure. We'll be in touch. If something happens. FS You mean when something happens. SS Of course. When. You want me to leave first? FS No, I gotta get outta here. These old ladies are getting to me. (FS exits, then SS exits opposite) I-2-8 ACT I Scene 2 SETTING: A bench on the Oceanfront Walk Venice Beach, CA FRED (singing, approaching slowly) I am the walrus, I am the waaaalrusss JACK (on bench, in a low voice) coo coo ca choo FRED (stops, looks around, sits down) JACK You were singing. FRED Yes. I was singing. JACK Why? Didn't he instruct you to speak it? FRED Pardon me? JACK Why were you singing? FRED Thought it would be more natural, less conspicuous. JACK Sometimes thought can be dangerous. FRED Are you Phil? I-2-9 JACK coo coo ca choo FRED ---- I am the walrus JACK coo coo ca choo.......Yes, I am Phil. Short for Philo. FRED Philo? JACK As in Vance. Philo Vance. You know him, right? FRED No JACK He didn't explain it to you? FRED No. Just that your name is Phil. JACK Good. Need to know. Did he tell you his? FRED I know his name. I've been helping him for more than a year. He trusts me. That's why he told me about you. JACK What did he tell you about me? FRED (Looks around, whispers) That you're underground. A Weather fugitive... JACK ....and? FRED And that we could...that I might be able to work with you...help you... I-2-10 JACK Stop whispering! That looks suspicious, man. Be fucking cool. Help with what? FRED He said an action. JACK Action. Just what the fuck is an action? FRED Armed struggle, man! Off the pig! Power to the people! JACK Jesus! Don't fucking yell! Don't whisper but don't yell. Just try to be cool. I know it's not easy for you. FRED What's not? What do you mean? JACK You're excited, nervous. I'm a Weatherman and you're scared of me. That's ok. I understand. Exactly what did he say to you? FRED Corny? JACK Richelieu. His codename is Richelieu. Never call him that, that other name again. The first thing you must learn if you are going to work with us is that we are our codenames. Do you understand? FRED Richelieu? Wow. Never thought about codenames, man. Wow. But if I had to give him one, I guess it would be, like, Lenin.