03-Whalen.qxd 11/22/2006 2:09 PM Page 31 3 The Power and Limitations of Speaking Complaint: “Nobody understands me.” Answer: “You’re right.” s you begin to try these communication techniques, you’ll be A amazed at how little people remember of what you tell them. You will work for hours creating the most perfect presentation imagin- able. You’ll pack it with interesting and important facts and deliver it smoothly and confidently. Perhaps you will even use overheads with keywords, graphs, and charts. Yet, when you talk to some of the brighter, more highly motivated people you know, they will remem- ber little of what you say. Miscommunication is common The most typical result of communication is miscommunication. Each communication results in a different meaning in the speaker’s mind and the listener’s mind. So, if you’re thinking “people don’t always understand me when I need them to,” you’re in good company. 31 03-Whalen.qxd 11/22/2006 2:09 PM Page 32 32 The Professional Communications Toolkit You can become far more adept at packaging your communica- tion, and thereby optimize its impact. The first step is to master the power, and respect the limitations, of speaking. What to write/what to say? One of the biggest problems in professional communication is that people speak when they should write their messages, and they write when they should send voicemail. An essential skill you will learn in this chapter is the ability to analyze a message and decide which parts are best spoken and which parts should be written. The power of speaking Did you play the telephone game when you were a child? The teacher would whisper a message to the first student, who would then whisper it to the second, and so on, until the last person in the class received the message. The teacher told the first student, “It’s Darma’s birthday today, and we’re going to have cake.” After 25 kids had passed it on, it came out from the last student as, “Frogs are green.” “Where did that come from?” you think to yourself. If you took one of my classes, you’d witness an experiment based on the telephone game. I’ve done this exercise hundreds of times, so my students could see what kind of message is best sent by speaking, and what kind of message should be written. You must learn to avoid this most common communication error: Speaking when you should write, or writing when you should speak. Let me tell you about it, and you will see what thousands of people have learned in my work- shops and classes. Story time Here’s how it works: I read a brief story to one person, who tells it to a second person, who then tells it to a third (see Figure 3.1— Content Loss as Message Is Retold). Now, the story I read is espe- cially designed to contain message elements that are ideal for speaking, and it also contains parts that should be written, not spoken. Here’s what happens—The first person tells the second person a story that is different from the story I read her. Now, here’s the key: The second person tells the third person a story almost identical to the story he was told by the first person. Then, the message the third person tells the audience is the same as the message she was told by 03-Whalen.qxd 11/22/2006 2:09 PM Page 33 The Power and Limitations of Speaking 33 Figure 3.1 Content Loss as Message is Retold Big change in No change in message message Joel P1 P2 P3 Audience the second person. The message remained intact after it had been filtered and processed by the first person’s mind. What you may call forgetting, I call refining. The first person’s mind acted like a minia- ture communication processing plant. Her brain filtered out all the things that should have been written, and what was left was pure, perfect oral communication. What was remembered and what was forgotten People remember the first thing they hear and the last thing said. They forget the stuff in the middle of the story (see Table 3.1— Remembered in Speech). You’ll learn more about how to use this scientific fact in Chapter 7—Message Packaging—Strategies for Formatting Presentations: How You Say It. Table 3.1 Remembered in Speech Oral message What you’ll remember: • First and last things said • Pictures and stories (events) • Repetition—things said 3 times (sort of) 03-Whalen.qxd 11/22/2006 2:09 PM Page 34 34 The Professional Communications Toolkit The parts of the message always remembered are sensory-rich pictures and events that are told. This happens even when the sensory- rich message is said in the middle part of the message. Sensory-rich messages pop clear pictures into people’s heads. In the theatre of their minds, sensory-rich messages give them recollections of sounds, tastes, smells, and body feelings. Repetition does not work—You may have been taught that repetition aids memory. Advertising people are advised to repeat their ideas three times in a commercial. I’ve learned that repetition does not get your listener to remember. What does aid memory, every time, is things said first, last, and sensory-rich messages. What is always forgotten—The demonstrators forget numbers, names, and other details. They also don’t remember any sequence of events. If a story has four steps, people forget the order of when things happen. When you speak, you create a sense that things hap- pen simultaneously, in flashes (see Table 3.2—Forgotten in Speech). Table 3.2 Forgotten in Speech (Should Be Written) Oral message What you’ll forget: • Names • When things happened • Numbers • Sequence of events • Details • Will tend to create and add When you talk to people, or give a presentation, do you ever wonder what they will remember? People will reliably remember the strong sensory messages you send them. You can try it. After you’ve spoken, ask your audience to write down five things they remember. You’ll see a consistent pattern of sense memory: • The pictures you shot into their minds. • The sounds you suggested. • The smells and feelings you talked about. Your “self” was formed over time The brain is essentially blank at birth. Recently, we’ve discovered that significant learning occurs when you’re in utero—you were active 03-Whalen.qxd 11/22/2006 2:09 PM Page 35 The Power and Limitations of Speaking 35 in your mother’s womb, in the last trimester. It was a time of great growth, and perhaps, a time of learning. However, for practical pur- poses, vast regions of your brain were blank at birth. In fact, the first two to three years of your time on earth were characterized by an explosive growth in the numbers and types of brain cells. Did you know that you had more brain cells at age two than you have now? And it’s not just because of those undergraduate keg parties. After birth, the brain expands vastly; soon after, it begins to determine which brain cells you’ll need. It then reduces the number of cells you will have throughout your life. Some brain patterns are on-board at birth We’ve learned that parts of your brain are “hardwired.” You have genetically determined traits that play an important role in your life. But by far, the larger aspects of you—your skills, worldview, knowl- edge, disposition, and temperament—are the result of the patterns of cellular interconnection in your brain. Brain programmed through sensory information All that you are came from your interaction with the world. Think about it. All the information you have taken in, all the expe- riences you have had were delivered to you through your sensory organs. If you had no sensory contact with the world, your brain would lie fallow and undeveloped. Through the things your eyes see, the sounds your ears hear, and the sensations of pain, pleasure, heat, and cold that your skin senses, your brain communicates with the outside world. Table 3.3 Sensory Modality Our senses: Gateway to the mind Sense Sense Organ • Sight • Eyes • Hearing • Ears • Touch • Skin • Smell • Nose • Taste • Tongue • Emotions • Viscera 03-Whalen.qxd 11/22/2006 2:09 PM Page 36 36 The Professional Communications Toolkit The only way your mind can connect with the world is through your sensory organs. The same is true of the messages you send and receive from other people. You communicate through sensory organs (eyes, ears, skin, tongue, and nose; see Table 3.3—Sensory Modality). The senses are the only gateway to communication with other people (due respect to those individuals skilled in psychic communication— I don’t know how to teach that skill). A little bit of sensory memory stimulation works wonders When you work with sensory memory, you don’t have to become the master storyteller. It’s not necessary to weave a tapestry of words, sights, sounds, and celebration to use sensory memory. In business, if you overdo the description and become too verbose, you’ll turn the audience off. It’s like cooking with spice: You need a pinch of oregano, not a fistful, to spice up the dish you’re serving. Secret behind using sense memory St. Augustine said, “God is in the details” (popularized by the great architect Ludwig Mies van der Rohe).