Perception, Permission and Purpose: Portraits of Vulnerability and Resilience in Teaching _________________________________________________ A dissertation submitted to the Graduate School of the University of Cincinnati In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy In the department of Educational Studies College of Education, Criminal Justice, & Human Services by Ann L. Straka March 2018 MA, University of Cincinnati, 2010 BA, University of Kentucky, 2008 _________________________________________________ Miriam B. Raider-Roth, EdD, Chair Mary Boat, PhD Mary Brydon-Miller, PhD Sarah Hellmann, PhD Lisa Vaughn, PhD i Abstract This dissertation is a qualitative portraiture study that explores vulnerability and resilience in teaching, using poetry and visual art as integrated elements of the portraiture process. This study is approached from a feminist, relational stance that views relationships and connection as central to human development, drawing from relational cultural theory (Gilligan; 1979; 2014; Miller & Stiver, 1997; Jordan et al., 2004; Jordan, 2017) and communicative resilience theory (Buzzanell, 2010, 2017) to explore how teachers make sense of vulnerability and construct resilience in their teaching lives. Findings of this study reveal the following three dimensions of vulnerability in teaching: vulnerability as courageous disconnection, vulnerability as authentic emotional expression, and vulnerability as paradox. Through the lenses of perception, permission and purpose, the participants in this study simultaneously make sense of vulnerability in their teaching lives and discursively construct resilience. ii Copyright 2018 Ann L. Straka iii For Eleanor iv Acknowledgements I am beyond blessed to be surrounded by a loving community of family, friends and colleagues who supported me throughout my journey as a doctoral student. I extend my deepest gratitude: To my participants, Meredith Hogan, Dr. Steve Kroeger and Dr. Kimberly Mack. Your stories are the heart of this dissertation and it is my privilege to share them with the world. Thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable and invite me into the fabric of your lives. To my advisor—Dr. Miriam Raider-Roth. I am so thankful that I stumbled into your class as a naïve master’s student back in 2009! Thank you for your consistent compassion and your diligent feedback. You have a keen ability to stretch your students as scholars while simultaneously holding space for us as human beings. Learning from you and with you has been such a gift. To my committee members—Dr. Lisa Vaughn, Dr. Sarah Hellmann, Dr. Mary Brydon-Miller and Dr. Mary Boat. Thank you for your guidance, your feedback and your encouragement. I feel so lucky to have each of you as a role model and to be able to learn from such brilliant, bold and creative women. To my family. Thank you to my parents, Barb and Pete, for always encouraging me and loving me unconditionally. To my sisters, for tolerating my sometimes-annoying, incomprehensible love of school. To my in-laws, Jackie and Bob, for your generosity and consistent support of our family. To all of my elders, who paved the way for me to pursue higher education. A special thank you to my late grandfather, Bob Louis, who passed away this year. Thanks, Poppop, for always being genuinely interested in my life. I know you were with me the whole way. To my ECAR friends. Thanks to each of you for the unique space you hold in our circle. I could not have completed this journey without your compassion and friendship. To my daughter, Eleanor Louise. Thank you for giving me so much joy and an unshakable sense of purpose to my life. You are my greatest teacher, my proudest accomplishment and my sunshine. To my husband, Bobby. Thank you for your patience, your grace and your endless, steady and selfless support. I know the journey was long and you never once complained. I am so grateful for every moment I share with you in this life. I love you always. v Table of Contents Chapter 1: Introduction .................................................................................................... 1 Background and Statement of the Problem .................................................................. 2 Research Questions ..................................................................................................... 3 Purpose of the Study .................................................................................................... 3 My Positionality and Personal Interest ......................................................................... 5 About this Dissertation ................................................................................................ 6 Chapter 2: Theoretical Framework and Review of Literature ........................................... 8 Broadening Teacher Identity ...................................................................................... 10 Emotion in Teaching ................................................................................................. 12 Conceptualizing Vulnerability ................................................................................... 18 Relational Cultural Theory ........................................................................................ 23 Relational Competence .......................................................................................... 25 Relational Resilience ............................................................................................. 26 Relational Awareness ............................................................................................ 28 Conceptualizing Resilience ........................................................................................ 30 Communicative Resilience Theory ............................................................................ 33 Conclusion ................................................................................................................ 35 Chapter 3: Methodology ................................................................................................ 37 Research Design ........................................................................................................ 37 Participant Selection and Recruitment........................................................................ 39 Data Collection .......................................................................................................... 40 Data Analysis ............................................................................................................ 41 Ethics, Trustworthiness and Rigor ............................................................................. 48 Limitations ................................................................................................................ 52 Chapter 4: Mer—A Portrait of Perception...................................................................... 54 An Opening ............................................................................................................ 57 Early Lessons in Vulnerability ................................................................................... 57 Resilience Follows Vulnerability ............................................................................... 60 The Medicine Wheel: A Perceptual Map for Navigating Vulnerability ...................... 63 vi The Medicine Wheel .............................................................................................. 64 Serpent .................................................................................................................. 65 Jaguar ................................................................................................................... 67 Hummingbird ........................................................................................................ 70 Eagle ..................................................................................................................... 72 A Shift .................................................................................................................... 74 Chapter 5: Steve—A Portrait of Permission ................................................................... 75 Beginnings ............................................................................................................. 76 Service to Others ....................................................................................................... 77 Permission to Let Go ................................................................................................. 79 Rising Tide ............................................................................................................ 84 Authentic Vulnerability ............................................................................................. 85 Trust ...................................................................................................................... 92 Chapter 6: Kim—A Portrait of Purpose ......................................................................... 93 Finding Her Voice ..................................................................................................... 94 My Voice ............................................................................................................... 98 Learning to Persevere ................................................................................................ 98 Dig Another Well ................................................................................................