+2009 Winner Benjamin Franklin Award for Literary Criticism + 2009 Book of the Year Royal Palm Award (Florida Writers) + ForeWord Magazine Bronze !"#$% for Writing Book of the Year DON’T Available now: ISBN 978-1- SABOTAGE 933523-31-6 YOUR SUBMISSION The expanded, all-genre version of DON’T MURDER YOUR MYSTERY +Agatha Award for Best Nonfiction Book + Finalist Anthony Award for Best Critical Nonfiction + Finalist Macavity Award for Best Nonfiction Book + Finalist ForeWord Magazine Reference Book of the Year + Writer’s Digest Book Club alternate selection Expanded? What does “Expanded” mean? It means 130 new examples in addition to 100 of the 140 original examples from Don’t Murder Your Mystery . Now, 230 positive examples of effective writing technique demonstrate how 215 authors get right what the average writer gets wrong. !"#$%&'#() Also new: $ Internal dialogue. For a list of authors reviewed, keep scrolling. Praise for DON’T SABOTAGE YOUR SUBMISSION: “Chris Roerden’s book is chock full of “Best book of its kind by far. Required practical advice for the novice writer. for my college-level students and rec- Even seasoned writers could use a copy ommended for all aspiring writers.” as a refresher course.” —REED FARREL COLEMAN, twice an Edgar® —CHARLAINE HARRIS, NYTimes Best-Selling nominee, winner of the Shamus (twice), author of 29 books in multiple genres. Sookie Barry, and Anthony awards Stackhouse series is HBO hit True Blood. “Without qualification, I recommend “A savvy writer’s guide to creating a this book to fiction writers, be they manuscript that will SELL!” literary, mainstream, or genre writers.” —CAROLYN HART, twice winner of the Agatha, —JOHN N. THORNBURG, Professor of Anthony, and Macavity awards. English/Creative Writing, San Jacinto College TABLE OF CONTENTS PRECAUTIONS: For long-lasting relief ............................................................. 1 NOT ABOUT RULES .............................................................................................. 2 PART I: DEAD ON ARRIVAL JUDGE AND JURY .................................................................................................. 3 Screener-outers, and what they look for PLAINTIFFS ............................................................................................................ 9 Writers, and what you hope for DEFENDANTS ....................................................................................................... 11 Agents and publishers, and why they want what they want CORRECTION FACILITIES ................................................................................. 15 Self-editors, and how to do what only you can do PART II: EVIDENCE COLLECTION TERMS OF THE WILL........................................................................................... 21 A legacy of technique-speak WITH PURPOSE AFORETHOUGHT ................................................................. 23 And with density and richness for all PART III: FIRST OFFENDERS CLUE #1: HOBBLED HOOK ............................................................................. 25 Replace with high-tensile lines that stretch your holding power CLUE #2: PERILOUS PROLOGUE .................................................................... 39 Beware: May lead to low-tension, post-prologue, backstory ache CLUE #3: BLOODY BACKSTORY ..................................................................... 51 Hide the evidence by slicing, dicing, splicing PART IV: KILLING TIME CLUE #4: FATAL FLASHBACK ........................................................................... 59 Caution: braking and shifting in reverse risks collision CLUE #5: TOXIC TRANSCRIPT ........................................................................ 67 Watch those verbatim stories-within-the-story CLUE #6: DECEPTIVE DREAM .......................................................................... 75 Make the character wake up before the reader does CLUE #7: TIME BOMB ...................................................................................... 81 Prevent whiplash from wacky sequencing PART V: THE LINEUP CLUE #8: DASTARDLY DESCRIPTION ........................................................... 89 Revoke the driver’s license and come out of the clothes closet CLUE #9: POISONOUS PREDICTABILITY ..................................................... 99 Get therapy for cases of arrested development CLUE #10: DISAPPEARING BODIES ............................................................. 107 Why introduce what isn’t worth mentioning again? xiii TABLE OF CONTENTS ix PART VI: CHANGE OF VENUE CLUE #11: SHIFTY EYES .................................................................................. 113 Danger ahead: slipping and sliding point of view CLUE #12: UNSETTLING SETTING ............................................................... 125 Oh, no, not just another pretty place CLUE #13: INSUFFICIENT GROUNDS ......................................................... 133 Satisfy the hankering for anchoring PART VII: THE USUAL SUSPECTS CLUE #14: SLOW DEATH ................................................................................ 139 End adverbosity, adjectivitis, and other contagious habits CLUE #15: BURIED AGENDA ......................................................................... 151 Beware a tension deficit disorder CLUE #16: DYING DIALOGUE....................................................................... 163 Quit thinking it’s dialogue just because you put it in quotes CLUE #17: TREACHEROUS TAGS.................................................................. 181 Snip—like embarrassing price tags worn in public PART VIII: ROGUES GALLERY CLUE #18: MISTAKEN IDENTITY ................................................................... 195 Fight confusion profusion CLUE #19: STRANGLED SPEECH ................................................................... 209 Do you hear what I hear? CLUE #20: KILLED BY CLICHÉ ....................................................................... 221 Avoid like the plague CLUE #21: GESTURED TO DEATH................................................................. 229 Stamp out illiteracy in body language PART IX: LOOSE ENDS CLUE #22: SNITCH VS. SPY ........................................................................... 243 Telling vs. showing: long time no see CLUE #23: NOISY VOICE............................................................................... 251 Kill the static and let your true voice be heard CLUE #24: WORDS & MISDEMEANORS ..................................................... 267 Arrest abuses and insidious mis-uses PART X: POST-MORTEM Supporting Testimony ... Endnotes ................................................................ 282 Exhibit A .......... Standard Manuscript Format ............................. 284 Exhibit B .......... Recommended Nonfiction ................................ 286 Exhibit C .......... Internet Sites for W riters .................................... 288 Exhibit D .......... Bibliography of Excerpts..................................... 289 Cross-examination ......... Index ....................................................................... 294 The Witness Box ............. Acknowledgments............................................... 300 The Perpetrator ............... About the author ................................................. 301 PRECAUTIONS R For long-lasting benefits, apply this remedy to drafts that have finished digesting. Attempting to revise while still writing, like exercising while eating, may shut down the body’s flow of creative juices and produce verbal constipation. Double vision and intermittent paralysis of the hands are signs of early self-editing disorder, which may be alleviated by rest and large doses of Dorothy Cannell. Minor irritants include a pain in the neck and discomfort in the shoulder, as if an editor were looking over it. Severe cases are marked by schizophrenia, in which writers hear voices of critiquers that temporarily smother one’s own voice. Use caution when applying any writing remedy. 1 NOT ABOUT RULES espite my parody of a prescription warning, I don’t call myself a book doctor. To me, the term implies that a writer’s work is sick. D Neither do I talk about writing as good or bad, right or wrong. That presupposes rules. This book is not about rules. It’s about effective- ness. What counts in any work of fiction—whether literary fiction or genre (a.k.a. category) fiction—is its effect on the reader. Content is important, but technique is the means by which that content creates its effect. Some techniques are more effective than others; some, less effective. For more than forty-four years, editing has been my full-time day job. I love my job, but I am saddened by witnessing, year after year, the same ineffective writing habits continuing to sabotage one submission after an- other. Though my own focus in this book is on genre fiction, my goal is to help all writers: 1. find and fix the clues to the ineffective use of key techniques; 2. survive the first cut of the submission process so plot and characters can get a fair reading. Why send a manuscript off to self-destruct? 2 PART I: DEAD ON ARRIVAL “Idealistic young scribes who insist their work is for them alone will disagree, but a writer without readers is like shouting in an empty room.” Leonard Pitts Jr., syndicated columnist 1 JUDGE AND JURY emember when you first learned to identify spam in your email? Once you realized what it was, the clues seemed to fall into