NOW REMOVE DANDRUFF... Appointment with BRIGHTEN YOUR HAIR"'TO' % O'HAHA uo'JtMjim V4AAJ^ UjiitAJuimiiMufiiil : yiyM/lf^ By JOHN O'HARA T IS one year, less one week, since A year ago, the head producing would say. "The thing that's putting I I have been on safari in the Film man could have taken off enough us out of business, the television, we Colony. They have, as usual, been time to have a new back put in and let them televise the thing, and what having a little trouble with the Mew- nobody would have been unduly are we doing? We're keeping peo­ Mews, or gossips, but the natives are bothered. They wouldn't have had ple out of movie houses. We're dy­ in general happier than on my last meetings about him. But the fact ing, but we let them make money expedition. Employment is at a that they are having meetings now out of us. Boy, are we ever stupid?" higher rate, which means that the is one of the best indications I can This week you hear no such talk. natives are spending more money imagine that business is good and They are no longer afraid. A SINGLE SHAMPOOING with new milder on beads and brightly colored ma­ expected to be better. They want a Now you would not be interested Fitch Dandruff Remover Shampoo producer in there who is producing will brighten your hair up to 35% terials. Trading is brisk, and in the in a wordy report by me (or a wordy ... remove loose dandruff and recon­ canteens there are more frequent all the time, and if he can't be in report by anyone else) on what has dition hair at the same time. calls for strong drink. I have no­ there, they want to hire somebody created the condition that has de­ ticed that marriages are on the in­ who can be. stroyed that fear. It would take me cline and I have heard that there has A friend of mine who is an agent a year, and a very boring year, to been a revival of the tribal custom was one of the long-face men a year make a study, and by the time I got of polygamy, always an index in ago. He is a humorously sour man around to writing my report, condi­ studying the prosperity of these fas­ anyway, but last year he was awfully tions would have changed and my cinating folk. glad he had bought those annuities. report would be strictly for the ar­ Not to continue the safari analogy His wife, also an agent, was working chives. But my guess may be as to the point where it bores me (and hard, but she too was comforted by good as yours, and my guess is that you), I have been in Los Angeles those annuities and actually told me for the present a saturation point County for a now concluding visit then that agenting was a waste of has been reached in the ownership of nine days' duration, and things time in that 1954 market. of television sets. The people who are looking up. Steadfast readers Well, I saw the agent couple at a are going to own television sets now will recall that when I was out here a dinner party the other night. She has own them (I am not saying the own­ FOR CLEANER SCALP, dandruff-free hair, year ago I communicated some of a new car, a sports job of expensive ers are not going to buy new ones use Fitch Dandruff Remover Sham­ the alarm and simulated optimism make, and she and her husband are to replace the sets they now own). poo. The only shampoo guaranteed It is my guess that all the people that prevailed at that time. Now about to take off for a little vacation to remove ugly dandruff with just who can afford them, at present one lathering or money back. that state of mind seems to have un­ in Europe. They're so unworried that she has quit agenting and they prices, have them. And when that dergone a change for the better. saturation point was reached, televi­ Picture People apparently have con­ have turned over the responsibilities of the office to their partner. sion entertainment ceased to have Only FITCH guarantees quered their paralyzing fear of the any novelty value. Except for ; few television ogre, and at dinner parr In the days immediately preced­ die-hards and the people who live in cleaner, brighter hair... ties and business luncheons I have ing the night of the 1954 Academy unreachable areas, the country has heard no more about the electronic Awards I was told repeatedly that I begun to take television for granted, free of ugly dandruff I villain than I have about the Acad­ was smart to visit Hollywood when in a way comparable to the accept­ emy Awards, which is almost noth­ I did, because I was going to see ance of radio that was reached ing. For their sake, and for my what would probably be the last of around—at a guess—1939. Think of it! Scientific "Reflectance" tests selfish own, I hope and trust that the Academy festivities. And I also prove new milder Fitch Dandruff the current optimistic mood is more heard a great deal of grumbling Factor II, following close on the Remover Shampoo brightens hair up to reliable than the pessimistic one of among picture people about the tele­ theories in the preceding paragraph: 35%! Yes, brightens hair up to 35%- a year ago. vising of the ceremonies. "We're I don't think people have become and it's guaranteed to remove every trace Almost the first thing I heard was stupid, we're really stupid," they addicted to television as they did to of dandruff too, with just one lathering radio. Everybody, or practically ev­ or your money back! that Things were happening at Mi­ raculous Studio. (The name has AL HFRSCHFELD erybody, I know watches some tele­ Most amazing, new milder Fitch ife so been changed to protect the inno­ vision, but nobody is the television Kentle, it's wonderful for baby's hair! fan he was two years ago, and no­ So, if you have only used Fitch when cent, although I don't know who the innocent are.) The way I heard it, body is or ever was the addict of tel­ you really wanted to get your hair clean evision that I was of radio. I knew — if you thought it was too harsh and they were having all sorts of all-day and all-night conferences of the high a Cabinet officer whose almost sole strong to use regularly —listen! New recreation was that half hour on milder Pitch is so gentle, so free of bite brass at Miraculous. The bigwigs were being brought in from all over Sunday evening with the Jack Benny and stjng, you can use it every single radio program. I know a multimil­ time you wash your hair! the world to meet and decide what to do about the head producing lionaire who would not go to a party Reconditions too! man. It seems the head producing or keep a business engagement if it What's more, its remarkable recondi­ man gets recurring pains in the meant missing Amos 'n' Andy; and, to reduce the level of listenership, I tioning action leaves hair softer, easier back, sacroiliac or something, which myself had so many favorite radio to manage, inclined to wave. necessitate his taking time off, and Get a bottle of this new milder Fitch programs that not only is it a wonder the bigwigs have been wondering, in I ever got any work done, it's a won­ Dandruff Remover Shampoo. If you're secret sessions that everybody in the not delighted with how it brightens your der I ever got any sleep, read any­ industry knows about, whether to re­ thing, saw any plays, attended any hair up to 35% —how it removes loose place him, or put in a temporary dandruff too, in just one lathering-re- movies. The only television pro­ substitute, or what. TTiat, of course, grams that I really hate to miss are turn unused portion for full refund from is a perfectly normal concern. If manufacturer. the Jackie Gleason Show and Mr. you were running a big business Peepers. There are others that I Also ask for a Fitch shampoo at any and the plant superintendent's hang­ like, in varying degrees, but those Barber or Beauty Shop. nails took him away two or three two are my basic requirements. (My times a month, you would begin to newsman is John K. M. McCaftery.) IMPROVE HAIR LOOKS worry a little. The bigwigs are be­ "MHi/iM having in perfectly normal fashion. In Love Me or Leave Me, Jimmy I have been doing some thinking (yt^wttHtei/^tacfe/! And that is precisely my point. Cagney is back better than ever about why I believe the public atti- CoIIier's for May 13, 1955 PRODUCED BY UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED PLAN INCO NICKEL INTO YOUR FUTURE Stop fire at sea before it starts... Plan Inco Nickel into power boat gas tanks! At sea, in the wrong place (the bilge, for example), half a cupful of gasoline can sink a boat. So when you're building or buying a power boat, make sure you get well-made gas tanks that won't leak. Tanks of Monel, the long-lasting Inco Nickel Alloy! It's corrosion that causes gasoline leakage and creates a fire hazard.