What is Sexual Consent? What does sexual consent mean? Do you know how to get consent? And, most importantly, do you know what ISN’T consent? Sexual consent is an agreement to any sexual experience – be it touching someone, kissing someone, or having sexual activity with them. Consent looks like: x The other person is capable of making informed decisions/choices x Consent needs to be demonstrated freely and clearly x The absence of a 'no' does not mean a 'yes' – the same goes for 'maybe', silence or not responding. x Consent doesn’t have to be verbal but verbally agreeing can help both you and your partner respect each other's boundaries x Consent doesn’t have to be verbal – Non-verbal (body language) conveys our feelings, including smiling, nodding and touching. The Sexual Offences Act 2003 (England & Wales) law defines consent as: x Someone agreeing 'by choice' to the sexual experience, and x having 'the freedom and capacity to make that choice' So, if you do something sexual with someone and it wasn’t their choice to participate – or they weren’t in the right mind to make that choice – it is sexual assault or rape. So, in order to protect yourself, and the person you’re intimate with, it’s really important to know you have consent. So, do I have consent if… We’re in a relationship? Not automatically, no. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been going out, you can never assume the person you’re with is always consenting to sex acts. In fact, most sexual assaults and rapes occur in relationships. They’re drunk/on drugs? No. Someone must be in a sober and clear state of mind to give consent. Obviously people react to drink and drugs in different ways, and there’s a difference between being tipsy and being intoxicated. If you’ve only just met someone though, you don’t know what they’re like when they are under the influence of substances, so always be considerate and careful. If in doubt, don’t go there. They’re under 16 but want to have sex? No, legally they’re considered too young to be able to give consent. So the ‘age of consent’ is the age at which, legally, you’re deemed able to make the decision to say ‘yes’ to sex and to engage in sexual activity. In the UK, this is 16 – for both men and women. Health professionals (such as LiSH) provide contraceptive advice and treatment to young people under 16. Remember it's your body and only you can decide what you do with it. They’re unconscious? No. If someone has passed out or asleep, they are unable to give consent. Even if they are your partner. They’ve been flirting with me? No. Even if you’re sure this person thinks you are attractive and has been flirting or ‘leading you on’. This does not mean they owe you sex. They’re wearing a revealing outfit? No. It doesn’t matter what someone is wearing – everyone has their own unique style and people often wear things to make them feel good about themselves– it’s no indication of whether they want to have sex or not. I asked them and they said ‘no’, but after I persisted they said ‘yes’? No. Pressuring, persuading, or coercing someone into saying ‘yes’ is a very unhealthy behaviour and does not give you consent even if they give in. They’ve not said ‘no’ out loud: A lack of a clear no doesn’t mean it’s a clear yes. It’s really common for somebody under sexual pressure to totally freeze up and not feel able to speak. If they don’t seem into it, 'STOP'. They don’t have to yell ‘NO’ to make it clear it’s a no. Body language We’re already kissing? No. Giving consent to one sexual activity does not count as consent for others. If you want to go to the next level, get the conversations going. They said ‘yes’ then changed their mind halfway through? No. Consent can always be taken back during sex. It isn’t a binding contract. If they stop, you stop. Even if they don’t say ‘stop’ but they seem freaked out, stiff and uncommunicative – stop, and ask they if they’re OK. How do I know I have consent then? It’s really easy – just ask! Also keep in mind someone’s body language too. Do they seem up for this and into this? Or are they freezing up, zoning out, or pushing you off. “Body language can be a signifier, but signs can be misread, so it’s always best to check with your partner.” Keep asking if what you’re doing is ok. For example, “Do you like this?” and “Can I keep touching you there?“ If you don’t feel comfortable talking to them about consent, then maybe you’re both not ready to take those next steps. So what is consent in relationships? To have healthy relationships, you need to have good boundaries. To have clear boundaries, you need to have an understanding about what behavior is safe and what is not safe, appropriate, and respectful – both emotionally and physically, to ensure positive consent. It is important to remember that you always have a right to say 'no' to any form of sex or sexual activity – and/or withdraw your consent – at any time. If you're still struggling with consent just imagine instead of initiating sex you're making them a cup of tea ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZwvrxVavnQ I think I’ve been raped or sexually assaulted If, through reading this, you’re starting to realise there have been situations where your consent was violated, there is support out there. “There is never a ‘bad’ time to tell someone what happened, even if it was weeks, months or years ago.”‘ Whatever you decide to do, remember what happened to you wasn’t your fault. And there is support out there and people and organisations that will believe you. How does the law define rape and sexual assault? Rape: the penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth of another person with a penis without consent Assault by penetration: the penetration of the vagina or anus of another person with a part of their body or anything else without consent Sexual assault: sexually touching another person without their consent Sex without consent is Rape - Rape is a crime Most rapes occur between people who know each other in some way. The maximum sentence is life imprisonment. You would be ordered to sign the sexual offenders register. Make sure you get consent. Help and Support Rape Crisis support and advice to victims of rape and sexual assault, no matter how long ago the attack was – 0808 802 99 99 https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/find-a-rape-crisis-centre/ What Happens at a Sexual Health Clinic Lincolnshire Sexual Health (LiSH) provides integrated sexual health services to the people of Lincolnshire as part of Lincolnshire Community Health Services NHS Trust. www.lincolnshiresexualhealth.nhs.uk You will be asked some basic questions: Name, Date of Birth, telephone number. (you don’t have to give your own name) You will be called from the waiting room by a number or first name. You will go into a private consulting room - Everything will be clearly explained to you Nobody will touch you without you saying so - May have to give a urine (wee) sample You may have to an examination and swabs (like a giant cotton bud) taken for testing They can often give you the results in the clinic and treatment such as creams or antibiotics straight away. Or refer you to another service. Sometimes things have to be sent away for further testing you may have to wait a while for the results. They will contact you by text /phone whatever is best for you. Most of the staff are female but you can ask for a male doctor if you would like to. Everything you discuss in the room is confidential unless the staff feel there is a risk of harm to you or someone else. Access to LiSH service Unfortunately due to COVID-19 Pandemic restrictions LiSH services are unable to provide their regular clinics – all contact with patients are to made through the central booking line: 01522 309309 Online booking www. lincolnshiresexualhealth.nhs.uk Remember staff in the sexual health clinics are trained to support you through whatever your needs are and are not there to judge. Their aim is to put you at ease and make your visit to the clinic as comfortable as possible. If you are at all worried then ask the booking clerk on the appointments line if you can speak to someone. Also see LiSH welcome message video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgkVr8rhtYk&feature=youtu.be .