This thesis has been submitted in fulfilment of the requirements for a postgraduate degree (e.g. PhD, MPhil, DClinPsychol) at the University of Edinburgh. Please note the following terms and conditions of use: This work is protected by copyright and other intellectual property rights, which are retained by the thesis author, unless otherwise stated. A copy can be downloaded for personal non-commercial research or study, without prior permission or charge. This thesis cannot be reproduced or quoted extensively from without first obtaining permission in writing from the author. The content must not be changed in any way or sold commercially in any format or medium without the formal permission of the author. When referring to this work, full bibliographic details including the author, title, awarding institution and date of the thesis must be given. “I am who I am because of who I was” – Refiguring childhoods through Colombian former child soldiers’ stories Nathalia Salamanca Sarmiento Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) in Sociology The University of Edinburgh 2019 Declaration I declare that this thesis has been composed solely by myself and that it has not been submitted, in whole or in part, in any previous application for a degree. Except where the thesis states otherwise by reference or acknowledgement, the work presented is entirely my own. A discussion on the creative method selection for this PhD was published as a SAGE Research Methods Case: Salamanca Sarmiento, N. (2019). Autobiography creation and construction of social memory: A tool for conducting ethical research with survivors of the Colombian armed conflict. SAGE Research Methods Cases. Signed Nathalia Salamanca Sarmiento 2019 ii Abstract The recruitment and use of children in war are common characteristics of modern conflict. In 2017, the Child Soldiers World Index reported that at least 46 States still recruit and use children under the age of 18 into their armed forces across Africa, Asia and America (CSI, 2018). Researchers both within and outside of academia have striven to understand the phenomenon by looking at the reasons for recruitment, the roles played by children in the armed groups and, for those who survive war, the challenges posed by their reintegration. Central to much research is an assumption that children are victims of war embodied in the figure of the child soldier who sits at the centre of mainstream global policies and interventions as well as academic debate. This figure of the child soldier offers a condensed narrative of their lives, portraying people who were part of armed groups in their childhoods as in fact lacking a childhood, caught up in forced recruitment and military or paramilitary service, and involved in violence, experiences that do not fit normative and predominantly Western visions of ideal childhoods. Now as adults, former child soldiers require protection as victims of war and need interventions to re-integrate in post-war life. The aim of this research was twofold. Firstly to examine normative understandings of child soldiering in the Colombian context. To do this, I initially investigated how the global figure of the child soldier is enacted in Colombia, tracing the tensions between global discourses and local practices (following Tsing, 2005) through exploring of the narratives of both practitioners of children’s rights and seasoned former child soldiers. Secondly, I engaged in creative fieldwork through writing workshops with a group of Colombian former child soldiers. These workshops, entitled “Mi cuento lo cuento yo” (“I’ll be the one to tell my story”), gave space for participants to create alternative accounts of their childhoods. Writing and other creative activities enabled participants to produce accounts of their warrior-selves and their campesino-selves; both critical components of their understandings of who they are, in the present, while being reflective and critical about their past, and, in the process, teasing apart the figure of the child soldier. Finally, I contrasted these accounts with the conventional narrative embodied in the globalised figure of the child soldier. iii In this thesis, I argue that in the translation, back and forth, of global and local understandings of child soldiering, meaningful childhood experiences are ignored and lost. During demobilisation processes, former child soldiers need to reproduce common victim narratives of child soldiering, of forced recruitment and escape or rescue from the army, in order to make a living in post-conflict time, paradoxically leaving them unable to escape the weight of the figure of the child soldier. From the stories produced in these creative workshops, I claim that people who were soldiers in their childhoods find value in their past, and narrate their lives in a way which draws on the knowledge and experiences they developed during the war. Their accounts resist a clear separation of their time before, during, and after their recruitment into guerrillas and paramilitary groups. In their rewriting of themselves, they rescue and highlight features of their warrior self and campesino self, which they believe should be recognised in reintegration processes. Acknowledging the skills, knowledge and learning they developed through their work as child soldiers, would make material differences to their ability to make a living in a post-conflict Colombia. The normative vision of the child soldier as victim of war limits the success of reintegration processes, requiring Colombian children’s rights practitioners as well as former child soldiers to find ways to work around existing practices, with varying degrees of success. This research draws on unique creative data to provide a novel account of former child soldiers’ lives, which call into question the adequacy of existing policies for reintegration. This thesis is a contribution to the literature on childhood studies in general, and to discussions on child soldiering and rural childhoods in particular, that will be of interest to those researching diverse types of childhoods during war, and those working in disarmament, demobilisation, and reintegration processes of child soldiers everywhere. iv Lay abstract Children involved in armed conflicts (commonly known as child soldiers) are found on every continent. Whenever a conflict erupts, children and young people tend to become caught in it; this is why the recruitment and use of children in war are considered common characteristics of modern conflict. In this context, researchers have approached the phenomenon of child soldiering by clarifying the reasons for recruitment, the roles played by children in the armed groups and, for those who survive war, the challenges posed by their reintegration. At the centre of this research is the view that children are victims because they are supposed to be innocent and vulnerable, and their stories contest the expectations of a “normal childhood”. The conventional global figure of the child soldier exemplifies these views, and, in consequence, it is a main element of mainstream global policies and interventions as well as academic debate. However, this figure offers a limited narrative of former child soldiers’ lives, showing them as people who had their childhoods stolen. As a result, reintegration processes attempt to give them back what they have apparently lost: their childhoods. In the thesis “I am who I am because of who I was” – Refiguring childhoods through Colombian former child soldiers’ stories, I challenge the conventional global figure of the child soldier by examining how the figure comes to life in a local context, Colombia, paying attention to frictions (Tsing, 2005) between places, people, and practices. I argue that in the translation, back and forth, of global and local understandings of child soldiering, meaningful childhood experiences have been lost, such as their lives before becoming soldiers, and features of their daily lives inside the armed groups that are not combat-related exclusively. During demobilisation processes, former child soldiers have been compelled to reproduce common narratives of child soldiering, in order to make a living when they are out of war, for example to gain access to basic services such as health, and education, or to help them with their job hunting. This situation leaves them either unable to escape normative accounts of child soldiers, or, alternatively, forces them to neglect their past completely, including their childhood before soldiering, to try and escape those stereotypical expectations of them. v Drawing on creative fieldwork with a group of Colombian former child soldiers, I argue that people who were soldiers in their childhoods find value in their past experiences, and narrate their lives in a way which relies on the knowledge and skills they acquired during the war, resisting a separation of their time before, during and after their recruitment into guerrillas and paramilitary groups. In their rewriting of themselves, they rescue and highlight features of their roles inside the armed groups that are not restricted to their combat experiences (warrior-self), and of the impact that rurality has had in their lives, considering that most of the Colombian child soldiers come from campesino communities: people who have a special and direct relationship with nature and the land through the production of agricultural products (campesino-self). According to former child soldiers themselves, reintegration processes should recognise these features, as they