SHADOWS IN THE SUN: THE EXPERIENCES OF SIBLING BEREAVEMENT IN CHILDHOOD SERIES IN DEATH, DYING, AND BEREAVEMENT ROBERT A. NEIMEYER, CONSULTING EDITOR Davies— Shadows in the Sun: The Experiences of Sibling Bereavement in Childhood FORMERLY SERIES IN DEATH EDUCATION, AGING, AND HEALTH CARE HANNELORE WASS, CONSULTING EDITOR ADVISORY BOARD Herman Feifel, Ph.D. Jeanne Quint Benoliel, R.N., Ph.D. Balfour Mount, M.D. Bard—Medical Ethics in Practice Benoliel—Death Education for the Health Professional Bertman— Facing Death: Images, Insights, and Interventions Brammer—How to Cope with Life Transitions: The Challenge of Personal Change Cleiren— Bereavement and Adaptation: A Comparative Study of the Aftermath of Death Corless, Pittman-Lindeman—AIDS: Principles, Practices, and Politics, Abridged Edition Corless, Pittman-Lindeman—AIDS: Principles, Practices, and Politics, Reference Edition Curran—Adolescent Suicidal Behavior Davidson— The Hospice: Development and Administration, Second Edition Davidson, Linnolla— Risk Factors in Youth Suicide Degner, Beaton— Life-Death Decisions in Health Care Doka—AIDS, Fear, and Society: Challenging the Dreaded Disease Doty— Communication and Assertion Skills for Older Persons Epting, Neimeyer—Personal Meanings of Death: Applications of Personal Construct Theory to Clinical Practice Haber— Health Care for an Aging Society: Cost-Conscious Community Care and Self-Care Approaches Hughes—Bereavement and Support: Healing in a Group Environment Irish, Lundquist, Nelsen— Ethnic Variations in Dying, Death, and Grief: Diversity in Universality Klass, Silverman, and Nickman— Continuing Bonds: New Understanding of Grief Lair—Counseling the Terminally III: Sharing the Journey Leenaars, Maltsberger, Neimeyer— Treatment of Suicidal People Leenaars, Wenckstern— Suicide Prevention in Schools Leng— Psychological Care in Old Age Leviton—Horrendous Death, Health, and Well-Being Leviton—Horrendous Death and Health: Toward Action Lindeman, Corby, Downing, Sanborn—Alzheimer's Day Care: A Basic Guide Lund— Older Bereaved Spouses: Research with Practical Applications Neim eyer—Death Anxiety Handbook: Research, Instrumentation, and Application Nord—Multiple AIDS-Related Loss: A Handbook for Understanding and Surviving a Perpetual Fall Papadatou, Papadatos— Children and Death Prunkl, Berry— Death Week: Exploring the Dying Process Ricker, Myers— Retirement Counseling: A Practical Guide for Action Samarel— Caring for Life and Death Sherron, Lumsden— Introduction to Educational Gerontology. Third Edition Stillion— Death and Sexes: An Examination of Differential Longevity, Attitudes, Behaviors, and Coping Skills Stillion, McDowell, May— Suicide Across the Life Span— Premature Exits Vachon— Occupational Stress in the Care of the Critically III, the Dying, and the Bereaved Wass, Corr—Childhood and Death Wass, Corr—Helping Children Cope with Death: Guidelines and Resource. Second Edition Wass, Corr, Pacholski, Forfar—Death Education II: An Annotated Resource Guide Wass, Neimeyer—Dying: Facing the Facts, Third Edition W eenolsen— Transcendence of Loss over the Life Span Werth—Rational Suicide? Implications for Mental Health Professionals SHADOWS IN THE SUN The Experiences of Sibling Bereavement in Childhood Betty Davies, R.N., Ph.D. First Published 1999 by BRUNNER/MAZEL Published 2015 by Routledge 2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN 711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017 USA Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business Copyright © 1999 Taylor & Francis. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Edited by Edward A. Cilurso and Jean Anderson. Printed by Edwards Brothers, Ann Arbor, MI, 1998. A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the British Library. The paper in this publication meets the requirements of the ANSI Standard Z39.48- 1984 (Permanence of Paper) Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Available upon request from the publisher ISBN 978-0-876-30912-4 (hbk) ISBN 978-1-315-80355-5 (eISBN) CONTENTS Foreword IX Preface XV Acknowledgments XIX The Sibling Bond 1 Unique Features of the Sibling Relationship 3 The Systematic Study of Siblings 4 Dimensions of the Sibling Relationship 6 The Impact of Sibling Bereavement 10 The Evolution of the Study of Sibling Bereavement 15 Publications Addressing Sibling Bereavement 15 The History of Childhood 18 The History of the Study of Death, Dying, and Bereavement 21 Published Literature Reviews Pertaining to Sibling Bereavement 24 Children's Understanding of Death 29 Developing a Concept of Death 30 Developing a Concept of Death by Cognitive Level 31 Developing a Concept of Death as Subconcepts 32 V VI Contents The Role of Children's Experiences in Developing a Concept of Death 35 Understanding Siblings' Concept of Death 35 Sibling Responses at the Time of Death 39 Telling the News to Siblings 41 Remember the CHILD 42 Sibling Responses to a Child's Death 47 Common Reactions of Grieving Siblings 50 Identifying Children in Trouble 72 Individual Variables Affecting Sibling Bereavement Responses 77 Physical Characteristics 78 Coping Style 82 Social-Emotional Characteristics 83 Experience with Loss and Death 91 Situational Variables Affecting Sibling Bereavement Responses 95 Cause of Death 95 Time Elapsed Since the Death 104 Involvement in Illness and Death-Related Events 106 Involving Siblings in a Child's Illness 116 Involving Siblings During the Dying Process 119 Involving Siblings in the Funeral 120 Environmental Variables Affecting Sibling Bereavement Responses 123 Sibling Relationship 124 Family Environment 134 Implications for Caregivers 146 Contents V II Family Functioning: Impact on Siblings 149 Levels of Functioning 149 Helping Siblings Feel Special 160 Sharing Meanings within Families 165 Implications for Caregivers 169 Long-Term Effects of Sibling Bereavement in Childhood 171 Sibling Responses 172 Maintaining Connections 187 Putting Sibling Bereavement into Perspective 195 A Paradigm Model of Sibling Bereavement 196 Implications for Caregiving Adults 204 Shadows in the Sun 216 Appendix 1. Summaries of Anecdotal and Scholarly Articles in the Literature 221 Appendix 2. Summaries of Research Reports in the Literature 227 References 243 Index 259 This page intentionally left blank FOREWORD Shadows in the Sun: The Experience of Sibling Bereavement in Childhood is an impressive combination of insightful caring, informed scholarship, rigorous research, and practical utility. Professor Betty Davies is uniquely qualified to introduce us to sibling bereavement in childhood and to guide us to an intelligent appreciation of its nature, characteristics, and significance. In my judgment, no other contemporary author could have produced this rich and rewarding manuscript. You are about to embark on an enlightening journey as you begin reading this excellent book. Shadows in the Sun has a clear introduction and organizational plan. By way of background, the book tells us about the importance of the relationship between siblings in childhood, the very slow development of the systematic study of sibling bereavement, and what we now know about children's understandings of death. In its central, substantive chapters, we learn about common responses of children who experience the death of a brother or sister, three critical variables in childhood sibling bereavement (the circumstances of the death, the characteristics of the particular bereaved child, and the social environment of the surviving child), the key issue of family functioning, and the long-term impact of what it means to experience the death of a sibling during childhood. The final chapter of the book offers what the author calls a "paradigm model of sibling bereavement," designed to integrate all that has gone before in a comprehensive understanding of childhood sibling bereavement and to provide guidance for professional caregivers, parents, and other adults who seek to help children who have experienced the death of a brother or sister. This final chapter also explains the meaning of the illuminating metaphor in the book's title: Shadows in the Sun. All of this is quite clear in the text. We need not pursue it further here. Instead, we might try to gather some sense of the importance of this book by considering the issues that it addresses in terms of selected examples from literature about death that was written specifically for young readers. IX X Foreword This is not an arbitrary or a foolish approach. Literature designed to meet their needs can be very influential in the lives of children. Typically, young readers have little tolerance for books that are not interesting, instructive, or enjoyable. And children's literature about death can be enjoyable when it tells appealing stories about the growth and triumph of the human spirit in the face of confrontations with loss and grief. In fact, stories are one important way in which children learn to cope with dying, death, and bereavement. There is, actually, a long oral tradition of tales and stories for children that touch on issues related to death in one form or another (Lamers, 1995). In many of these stories, death does appear, but the real focus is on action and adventure, not bereavement and grief. One of the best-known stories Little Red Riding