Disclaimer 1. I am Indian (like obviously) 2. These are stereotypical depictions of the Indian society a. But.. Stereotypes are often founded in empirical wisdom 3. I am far detached from this and acknowledge my privilege 4. Not here to make light of the societal “challenges” Background ● Segregation of the sexes ● Parental oversight (overreach ?) ● Large joint families ○ Often under one roof ● “Honour” Stage I: Dropping Hints Stage II: ● Relentless inquiry to find out if you’re seeing someone Pestering ● Meaningful looks and sighs ● Random aunties asking uncomfortable questions ● Even worse: you dad asks you about your GF/BF ● Younger siblings recruited to spy Stage III: Despair and Resignation Stage IV: Formation of a Search Committee 1. Association of Bored Aunties and Uncles 2. Create accounts on matrimonial websites 3. Calculate Dowry 4. Arrange headshots Stage V: Screening Process 1. Define (reasonable) search parameters a. Income b. Family income c. Caste etc. d. Colour of skin e. Citizenship f. Education g. School attended i. IIT > BITS > NIT >>> rest ii. IIM above everything else iii. IIT + IIM = h. Number of siblings Stage VI: In-Person Interviews* * Chaperoned. By extended families from both sides. Obviously. Like Duh! Stage VII: “Dates” a.k.a getting to know him/her better * * Not in the biblical sense Stage VIII: Finalizing the Contract (Engagement or roka ceremony) Wedding Week Sangeet Mehendi (Henna) ceremony Mehendi (Henna) ceremony Wedding Day : T-16 hours - Haldi (Turmeric Ceremony) - To Keep Buri Nazar (Evil Eye) Away - Auspiciousness of this ingredient and its colour ushers in a life of prosperity for the couple - For Beautification - Makeshift Fair & Lovely Also has lots of song and dance Wedding Day : T-12 hours - Pagri (Turban) tying & Tilak Wedding Day: T-10 hrs (Baraat) Wedding Day: T-10 hrs (Baraat) Wedding Day: T- 8 hrs (Varmaala) Wedding Day: T- 6 hrs Awkward dances Awkward meet and greet Awkward photo sessions Wedding Day: T- 6 hrs Awkward dances Awkward meet and greet Awkward photo sessions Actual Wedding Rituals - Kanya Daan (ughh) - Vivah Homa : The sacred fire is lit - Pani Grahan: groom takes the bride's hand as a sign of their union - Walking around the fire (saptapadi) Meanwhile... Finding the bottom of the cash pile https://www.youtube.com/watch?v= Isha Ambani NpQ-JQClD5Q Total Cost: $110 Million Cost of the dress: 1,208,475,000.00 CAD Guests: Clintons, Indian PM, BEYONCE Go get drunk now Off with y’all Follow the ABC (Adam : Beer Czar).