THROWING NEW WRITERS AT YOU SINCE 1992 COVER ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT MAESTAS VOLUME 24 | ISSUE 45 | NOVEMBER 5-11, 2015 | FREE [2] WEEKLY ALIBI NOVEMBER 5-11 , 2015 NOVEMBER 5-11 , 2015 WEEKLY ALIBI [3] alibi VOLUME 24 | ISSUE 45 | NOVEMBER 5-11 , 2015 EDITORIAL FILM EDITOR: Devin D. 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The Charleston, White suffers from “It was just an accident that occurred and Spillers and Bakers “Pilot” cracker, now arachnophobia and did not take well to his just to serve as a stark reminder of some of dubbed the “world’s most valuable biscuit,” office’s Halloween decorations. “He said the safety measures we should take,” Indiana ODDS originally came from a survival kit aboard they had spiders everyplace and he said he Conservation Officer Jonathon Boyd told one of the Titanic’s lifeboats. The long-lived told them it wasn’t funny, and he couldn’t WBND-TV. D snack item was reportedly sold to a Greek stand them,” Logan County Prosecutor John N ENDS collector by the Henry Aldridge & Son Bennett told WCHS. White allegedly pulled Dateline: Washington auction house in Devizes, England. out a handgun in the office on the morning A A man who failed a paternity test for his Auctioneer Andrew Aldridge said the of Oct. 5. Although witnesses say he didn’t child just discovered that his unborn twin WEIRD NEWS historic baked good was saved by James and wave it around or point it at anyone, he did brother is the child’s genetic father. Barry Mabel Fenwick, passengers on the threaten to “shoot all the spiders.” Bennett Starr, a geneticist at California’ Stanford Dateline: Ukraine Carpathia, a ship that picked up survivors admitted White’s gun did not have a clip in University, announced that he hand his Chewbacca has been arrested for, after the Titanic’s 1912 sinking. it at the time. “Of course, they wouldn’t colleagues have been studying the 34-year- uncharacteristically, supporting Darth Vader know that,” said Bennett. “I wouldn’t either old man who failed a paternity test after he in his bid for political office. Witnesses in Dateline: Washington if I looked at it, to tell you the truth.” and his wife discovered their child did not Odessa recorded a video of a man dressed in State troopers in Tacoma pulled over a Bennett told the station White has been share a blood type with either of them. The a Chewbacca costume being arrested for motorist who tried to use the Interstate 5’s suspended, but the prosecutor’s office does child was born in June of 2014 with the help allegedly campaigning for Darth Vader. The multiple occupancy lane with a zombie baby not intend to fire him over the incident. of a fertility clinic. The clinic that helped Internet Party candidate, whose real name in the passenger seat. Police weren’t fooled White has been with the attorney’s office for the couple insisted the man’s semen sample remains unknown, is running for mayor of by the rubber Halloween decoration and five years, reportedly without incident. was used. The man took a genetic ancestry Odessa. Unfortunately, Ukraine law prevents handed the man a $136 ticket for an HOV Bennett said he sent out a memo after the test, which determined he was the child’s campaigning on voting day—which is why lane violation. Washington State Police’s incident banning firearms from the office. uncle. University researchers eventually Chewbacca was arrested. The wookie was public information officer tweeted a picture figured out the man was a human chimera, a fined the equivalent of $8 and released. The of the driver’s zombie baby strapped into the Dateline: Indiana rare condition that results from absorbing eccentric Internet Party—whose slogan is passenger seat and said, “At least he’s in the Authorities say a dog “ironically and aptly cells from a deceased twin during the early “electronic government against [Halloween] spirit.” The officer who issued named Trigger” shot his owner in the foot stage of their mother’s pregnancy. Starr said bureaucracy”—has tried running Darth the ticket followed up on the initial tweet, with a shotgun. According to the Indiana the case is the first known incident of Vader for president of Ukraine as well as saying things could have been worse for the Department of Natural Resources, 25-year- paternity tests being fooled by a human mayor of Kiev and Odessa. So far the motorist: “We gave him a break for not old Allie Carter of Avilla was hunting chimera. “Even geneticists are blown away candidate has been booted from most having a [child] car seat.” waterfowl at Tri-County Fish and Wildlife by this,” he told BuzzFeed News. a elections because his real identity could not Area on Saturday, Oct. 24, when she set her be verified. Dateline: West Virginia 12-gauge shotgun on the ground near her Chris White, an assistant prosecuting feet. Her 10-year-old chocolate Labrador, Compiled by Devin D. O’Leary. Email your weird Dateline: England attorney in Logan County, has been named Trigger, stepped on the gun, causing news to [email protected]. The last surviving cracker from the Titanic suspended for pulling a real gun on some it to discharge. Carter was taken to a local was auctioned off on Oct. 24, fetching a fake spiders. According to WCHS in hospital with injuries to her foot and toes. NOVEMBER 5-11 , 2015 WEEKLY ALIBI [5] [6] WEEKLY ALIBI NOVEMBER 5-11 , 2015 FEATURE | CAn CoURTnEy Do IT? NEWS CITY BY AUGUST MARCH Can Courtney Do It? Can Courtney be a balloonist? BY COURTNEY FOSTER backwards until the bag is empty. Once the and chase a balloon, but I didn’t know how I balloon is stretched out, you have to set up the was going to react to actually being up in the n her search for knowledge, adventure and an burners and attach the balloon to the basket. air. answer to the ever pressing question, “What It’s pretty amazing when you realize that the On the fourth day of crewing, I helped Mining Rule May Harm Groundwater he management of natural resources Iam I doing with my life?!” Courtney Foster has only thing holding the basket to this big hot inflate the balloon and weigh it down so the T continues to figure heavily into New Mexico’s decided to take on the experiences she’s always air balloon is just a few metal cords. riders could climb in. At the last minute when economy. In particular, copper mining and the wondered about (or been afraid of).