CHEESE ON TOAST Within the realms of Orpheus I forgot all other subjects One star’s in the ascendance I was totally engrossed – The only goal permitted And one day, quite by chance, I made Is achieving independence The perfect cheese on toast. We don’t just do the drama – They said – you’ll have to leave now We don’t just sing and play. You’re better off than most – They couldn’t just teach drama You’ve gained your independence And then let us go away. You’ve conquered cheese on toast No, the Orpheus guards won’t let us They made me move into a flat Disappear into the hills Somewhere on the south coast. Until we prove we’ve mastered And there, for three meals every day Independent living skills. I lived on cheese on toast. You can’t live independently No-one would come to see me – Till you can truly boast You can’t be a great host – That within our life skills kitchen If every guest for dinner You can serve up cheese on toast. Has to eat just cheese on toast. That doesn’t sound too difficult It’s not a balanced diet – It’s not a Sunday roast. Cheddar cheese on Mother’s Pride. But there is quite a technique So after years of cheese on toast To producing cheese on toast. I sadly, one day, died. The first time that I tried it I had a lovely funeral. It blew over in the breeze – I’d asked to be cremated I didn’t mange cheese on toast In a coffin made of sliced bread, I managed toast on cheese. Topped with cheddar, finely grated. I could work a kettle tipper, Now in the lifeskills kitchen Open up a bag of flour, You may sometimes see my ghost. But toasting cheesy bits of bread Throughout the night, all deathly white Was still beyond my power. Preparing cheese on toast. © RICHARD STILGOE .