THE BODY LANGUAGE INSTITUTE’S NEW COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE SYSTEM LEVEL #3: DECEPTION Level #3: Deception 7 retention 5 6 cohesion motivation 1 2 3 4 cognition emotion DECEPTION innovation WWW.JANINEDRIVER.COM 202-505-2541 EMAIL JANINE AT [email protected] 53 BLI's NEW Competitive Advantage System Level #3: Deception You Can’t Lie to Me* “You may deceive all the people part of the time, and part of the people all the time, but not all the people all the time.” — Abraham Lincoln READY FOR THE TRUTH ABOUT DECEPTION? The truth is: » The liar may suddenly slump in their chair, lower their voice, look down, turn their feet » A common myth is that liars fidget, but the truth is people actually curled inward (or) point toward the exit, tend to move less when they all because they want out of there. are concentrating on the lie. How does your body change when What’s your fidget baseline? you start to get uncomfortable and Does your foot bounce up and you want to get out of the room? down a mile a minute? Do you » Smiling can indicate honesty when it comes constantly touch your hair? Do to small stakes, but in a high stakes lie — like you rub your hands together why your husband has a woman’s phone or play with your cuticles? number on a napkin in his jacket pocket — smiling can indicate deception. » The more you increase the “cognitive load” on the person Have you ever had someone lie to your you are about to confront, the face while they were smiling? Have you more likely they’ll slip up. felt yourself smile when someone almost Think about the last time you made caught you in a lie, even a little lie? a mistake. Did you miss a turn on the » Shoulder shrugging, looking down, or grooming highway? Did you forget to email gestures are significant when they person you someone a receipt? Did you forget are confronting is saying one thing, but their to call someone back? Or worse, nonverbals are telling a completely different story. did you mess up a project at work? Have you ever watched a famous person Was there a lot on your lie on TV and you knew immediately that mind? I bet there was! they were not being 100% forthright? *Based on the Washington Post Best-Selling book You Can’t Lie to Me by Janine Driver. WWW.JANINEDRIVER.COM 202-505-2541 EMAIL JANINE AT [email protected] 54 Level #3: Deception READY FOR THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING SCAMMED? The truth is: » According to the Federal Trade Commission, one in 10 adults in the US will fall victim to fraud every year. Can you name 10 people in your life? Which one do you think is most likely to be scammed? Who do you think you could lie to and they would 100% believe you and never know you lied? » Not surprisingly, most fraud takes place online. Have you received emails or ads online that you immediately thought were suspicious? Have you ever been pulled in by click bait ads and found yourself on an internet site that looked scammy? » In a recent study based on interviews with 1,408 consumers who submitted tips to the Better Business Bureau between 2015 and 2018, and they found: - 47% people who were contacted by scammers suspected fraud immediately, so they didn’t engage. - 30% of people engaged with the scammer, but did not lose money - 23% engaged and lost money to a scammer. - 91% of targets who were contacted by scammers over social media engaged, and 53% lost money. - 81% of respondents who encountered fraud via a website engaged, and 50% lost money. Where is the most common place you’ve seen or heard scams? What do you do when you see them? Have you had a child, or know someone who has a child, who has gotten scammed and pulled into web-pages and offers that are scams? If you have kids, how are you currently safe-guarding them from online scams? WWW.JANINEDRIVER.COM 202-505-2541 EMAIL JANINE AT [email protected] 55 Level #3: Deception Now let’s travel back in time to last year and take a quick snapshot of just some of the deception that made the headlines over the past year or two. NOTE: Because I no longer analyze current politicians, I’ll be staying away from all the political and media deception. In the last several years, we have all been given a front-row seat to the vast world of deception. Some shocking — and not-so-shocking — headlines include: Chris Watts' crocodile pleas to help find his pregnant wife, Shan'ann and thier two young daughters, Bella (4) and Celeste (3), to which later he graphically confesses to strangling and killing them all. “Empire” actor Jussie Smollett doing a terrible acting job lying about a racist and homophobic hate crime that supposedly happened to him outside his apartment in Chicago. NBA Elizabeth Holmes, who basketball in 2015, Forbes magazine player called the "youngest and Tristan wealthiest self-made Thompson female billionaire in reportedly America," scammed the cheated world with her non- on Khloe functioning blood Kardashian while testing technology she was pregnant at Theranos. with his child. WWW.JANINEDRIVER.COM 202-505-2541 EMAIL JANINE AT [email protected] 56 The college admissions scandal put celebs like Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin on the front page of every rag mag for months. Singer R. Kelly, who was charged with ten counts of felony aggravated criminal sex abuse, gave a dramatic interview with Gayle King on “CBS This Morning" where he oddly stood up, cried and screamed, while addressing the camera directly, “Quit playing! I didn’t do this stuff! This is not me! I’m fighting for my fucking life!” Jeffrey Epstein, American financier with an elite social circle, who pled guilty to a felony charge of solicitation of prostitution involving a minor, was in jail awaiting trial regarding sex trafficking minors, when on August 10, 2019, he was found dead in his cell and the medical examiner ruled it a suicide. Prince Andrew, the Duke of York, leaked numerous verbal and nonverbal hot spots during a shocking tv interview he gave at Buckingham Palace where he spoke about his friendship with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein and the allegations against him by one of Epstein’s victims. WWW.JANINEDRIVER.COM 202-505-2541 EMAIL JANINE AT [email protected] 57 Level #3: Deception Whether you’re into the celeb gossip or the corporate scams, perhaps you’d agree that in your world, the ability to separate fact from fiction is critical when it comes to protecting your family, your friends, your finances, and yourself? Imagine your coworker, who is also a friend, forgot for three days in a row to ask you to join her for a walk during your lunch break. Oh, she still went for the walk, just not with you. When you asked her about it, she said the same thing all three days, “Oh, sorry. I know you think I blew you off on purpose, but the truth is I was on the phone dealing with something complicated and because I was distracted, I left for my walk without you.” You suspect there is something she isn’t telling you, but you don’t know what questions to ask and you don’t know how to decode her verbals, nonverbals, and her statement. Was it something you did, or is she walking with someone new? Here’s what happened to me… Kim must have not been paying attention during orientation day because when she lied to me, she failed miserably. She must have forgot I do this detecting deception thing for a living! Kim was my intern for 6-months before I offered her a paid position as my director of content development. She was in her young twenties and man was she creative, organized, smart, reliable — every CEO’s dream-come-true employee. After almost two years working together I asked Kim if she would be interested in house-sitting for me while my husband and our only son (at that time) went to Maine for 5 weeks. Because Kim and her boyfriend both still lived with their corresponding families, she jumped at the chance when I said her boyfriend could stay at the house too. All I asked was that they follow my three simple requests: Request #1: Take care of our dog, Hamilton (feed him, let him in at night, and let him out in the morning). Request #2: Sleep in any of the bedrooms, we have four, just NOT the master bedroom. Request #3: Keep the house clean — pick up after yourselves daily. Had you been with my family and me in Maine, you would’ve seen that our vacation was wonderful, we went swimming in the ocean, walked the beach daily, and had BBQs with family every weekend. Thankfully, we were able to enjoy our long vacation because we knew that Hamilton and our house were in great hands. However, during our last week in Maine, the weather was unfortunately chilly and raining, so we decided to drive back home, to Virginia, a day early. I called Kim the day before our 10-hour drive to let her know that we were returning sooner than we expected because of the crummy weather. WWW.JANINEDRIVER.COM 202-505-2541 EMAIL JANINE AT [email protected] 58 Level #3: Deception Wouldn’t you agree this would be the perfect time to tidy up, do the dishes, wash the sheets, and make sure the house looked the way your boss left it, if not even cleaner? Umm, yaaa, that did NOT happen.