A LOST LOVE: THE LEARNING OF THE PAST FOR FUTURE Love Kumar Joshi A Dissertation Submitted to Faculty of Education Tribhuvan University In partial fulfillment of requirements of the degree of Master of Philosophy in Education January 2011 AN ABSTRACT OF THE DISSERTATION OF Love Kumar Joshi for the degree of Master of Philosophy in Education Presented on 17 April 2011. Title: A Lost Love: The Learning Of The Past For Future. Abstract Approved: .............. Prof. Bidya Nath Koirala, Ph.D., Dissertation Supervisor The study portrays my extremely heartfelt experience of grieving death and dying rituals of my loved son-Rose. In fact, one should not live killing the heart (Shkya, 2008, p. 8). This grief research points to isolation and traumatic circumstances of the grievers (the family) face. Evocative auto ethnography is the method that I used. The writing is bogies of journey to self. This thesis has utilized the theoretical constructs of symbolic interaction and evocative auto ethnography as forms of self- enquiry; revealing how I come to make sense of my lived experience in dealing with the loss of a loved one. I drew heavily upon personal journals, academic papers, and the religious books such as; The Geeta; The Garuda Purana; The Shiva Maha Puranam; Srimad Bhagawat Maha Puran and The Vedas. Grief epics-Muna Madan and Gauri; dialogical discourse with the pundits; hearsays; newspaper clippings and cultural Sa Paru etc. are used as field notes in order to construct narratives dealing. My findings showed that grief brings both positive and negative transformation in life. However, I am in favor of positive ones. In addition, the implication to education is that griefs literatures reduce pain and help people live for others life as well. In my case, I have accepted "writing as a therapy (James W. Pennebaker, 1990)." Episode 1 deals with the methodologies that I followed Episode 2 discusses the immortality of soul, thirteen days period of morning process- samyama, abstinence in food and conduct, sharing grief among grievers as heart and mind healing - provides patience and peace to the bereaved family members. Episode 3 narrates the importance and impact of reciting the Garuda Puran, the practice of Sa Paru and Bala Chaturdasi carnivals as a social therapy. Episode 4 deals with chaos and prolonged grief at home, relation between the dream world and the living world, the purpose of joining M.Phil.Programme and issues associated with teaching profession. Episode 5 describes gloomy festivals, the importance of sraddhas, endemic and external religious pilgrimages for transcendental liberation, the learning and findings of my experiences, my theories of death and dying rituals and lastly, conclusion and implication to education. The Episodes are my experiences and my self-actualizations. If they reflect with the- readers' self-actualizations, I expect, my efforts will be recognized. Key words: heartfelt experience, Evocative auto ethnography, self- enquiry, grief, transformation in life, writing as a therapy, death and dying rituals ,death and dying rituals Love Kumar Joshi © Copyright by Love Kumar Joshi 2011 All rights reserved. Please… "Authors search out pearl; Diving into the- Ocean of thoughts". I'm not an author, I am a father, I've narrated- Student- teacher's pain, When I lost my rising son. ------------------ DEDICATION To my loving son Rose Joshi vii LIBRARY RELEASE FORM Name of the author: Love Kumar Joshi Degree: Master of Philosophy in Education Year of degree granted: 2011 Permission is hereby given to Tribhuvan University to reproduce single copies of this thesis and to lend or sell such copies for private, scholarly or scientific research purpose only. The author reserves other publication and other rights in association with the copy right in the thesis, and except as herein before provided neither the thesis nor any substantial portion thereof may be reprinted or otherwise reproduced in any material form whatever without the author’s permission. …………………………………. Love Kumar Joshi Sinamangal, Kathmandu-9, Nepal April 2011 viii ACCEPTANCE AND RECOMMENDATION The undersigned certify that we have read, approved and recommended to the Faculty of Education, Tribhuvan University for acceptance, a thesis entitled A LOST LOVE: The LEARNING OF THE PAST FOR FUTURE by Love Kumar Joshi in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of MASTER OF PHILOSOPHY IN EDUCATION WITH SPECIALIZATION IN DEVELOPMENT STUDIES. ……………………………………. Prof. Bidya Nath Koirala, Ph.D. (Supervisor and Coordinator, M.Phil. in Education Programme, FoE, TU) ................................................... Prof. Dibya Man Karmacharya, Ph.D. External Examiner …………………………………….. Bal Chandra Luitel, Ph.D. External Examiner ………………………………………. Prof.Kul Narsingh Shrestha (Research Committee Member) Date: 17 April, 2011 ix ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I would like to extend my sincere gratitude to my thesis supervisor Professor Bidya Nath Koirala whose encouragement took me into such a hard times and an emerging and open inquiry that helped me reflect on and explore my own pedagogical values. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for your scholarly guidance, being empathy and friendly critiques on various issues that came forth during my writing. My sincere thanks go to Professor Tirth Raj Parajuli for providing me valuable tips and supporting me in my grieving days. I am also thankful to Professor Mana Prasad Wagle for his judgment on my seminar paper and mini research assignment. I would like to express the deepest appreciation to the external examiners of this thesis, namely Prof. Dr. Dibya Man Karmacharya and Dr. Bal Chandra Luitel for their insightful comments and feedbacks as well. Both of you made me aware towards creative expression. My special thanks go to my better half Kamala Joshi and younger son Sarose Kumar Joshi. Your enduring encouragement is highly appreciated. Muri muri (unbound) thanks to my classmates Ram Chandra Dahal, Pawan Bimali, Yagya Bikram Shahi, Anju Khadka, Lalita Joshi, Som Bahadur Thapa, Sharad Chandra Simkhada and x Mohan Krishna Shrestha. You encouraged my presence in the M.Phil. Class and supported me when I was in grief. The acknowledgements will be incomplete, if I do not praise Suman Acharya.Your friendly help and timely information geared me to drive my vehicle to the destination. Love Kumar Joshi Sinamangal, Kathmandu, Nepal 17 April 2011 xi GLOSSARY aasani seat agarbattis incense aila, homemade liquor Aryaghat cremation chamber tantriks the magicians bajai, wife of a Brahamin Bala Chaturdasi religious mass practice to emancipate departed soul Bhagawan God Bhai Teeka brother worshipping bida, leave Buba father chandan White powder used for worshiping. DDRZ Death and Dying Ritual Zone daal roti a type of food dakshina money offered voluntarily darshan Have a vision, scene,look Devabhoomi god's land Dhami wizard dharmabhiru god fearing Dharmaraj the God of Death xii Dhoti-kurta Male dress in the hot locations Dibyadarsan revelation Dya Maas mother Gods Ekaha reciting of the Bhagawat in a day ghat riverbanks Hakim the officer Jajaman the person who engages the priest in the worships Kaibalya mukt emancipation Kamandalu a pot to carry water, Karmayogi an action oriented person. Kharau a wooden slipper Kiriyaputri. A person who observes the funeral rites. Kshatriya a member of the royal or warrior Hindu caste kul deep light of the family lakhe a demon. Lama a Tibetan or Mongolian priest of Lamaism lapsi a kind of sour fruit malami funeral processionists Mnha pooja festival of body/soul worshipping of Newar community Namaste a greeting by joining two palms/ hands narak the hell xiii Nepal Mahatmya a religious book that describes the holy places neta jee leader nhenuma Newar community ritual to offer favorite food on the seventh day of departed person Om Benkateshowraya Nama Vedic words to be chanted along the way to Tirupati BalajeeTemple, India panchapatra the copper pot to put water for worship Bala Chaturdasi Mass parade takes place to illuminate the oil-lamps to enlighten the souls during the time span of one to three years Pinda the balls of barley flour offered to the departed souls pitri departed soul, spirit prarthana sabha prayer assembly punya meritious action Sa Paru cow festival, a carnival saal a kind of tree sata beej seven seeds shaiya dan the bed donation Shastras Hindu religious bookslike Vedas etc Sudras the untouchables xiv Surya the sun tanneri youth tapari, bauta leaf plates duna and khory leaf plates tapasya penance teeka a mixture of red vermillion, curd and rice, a sign of auspiciousness teel sesam tirtha shraddha a religious ritual to be performed on the sea/ ocean shore Vijaya Dashami the victorious tenth day of Hindu festivai Dashain yagya a religious offering, an oblation. Yamaraj God of Death xv TABLE OF CONTENTS Page Acknowledgement ix Glossary xi Table of Contents xv List of photographs xviii PROLOGUE : In Memory xix EISODE 1 My Journey of Methodology through Auto ethnography 1 Multiple Textual Representations 4 Crisis 4 My Field 8 My Data 8 My Tool 8 My Epistemology Consideration 12 My ontology 14 My Axiology: My Ethics 16 My Research Questions 17 xvi EPISODE 2 Soul is Spiritual and Never Dies 18 Coming and Going: The rhythm of life 34 Human Being Borns amidst Grief 38 Death cannot be Avoided Anyway 40 Close Observers are there. Nothing is Secret 45 Knowledge is Open to All 56 Impact of son child in the society 59 Service to Fellow Friends is Service to God 62 The World is Wonderful. Keep Hope. Be Optimistic.