Volume 14 Issue 5 TOPIC Hitting a Child SPONSORED BY: KOF-K KOSHER SUPERVISION Compiled by Rabbi MoisheCompiled Dovid by Lebovits Rabbi Moishe Dovid Lebovits EditedEdited by: by: Rabbi Chanoch Chanoch Levi Levi WebsiteWebsite Management Management and and Emails: Emails: HALACHICALLY SPEAKING HeshyHeshy Blaustein HALACHICALLY SPEAKING Halachically Speaking is a Halachically Speaking is a monthly publication compiled by monthly publication compiled by Rabbi Moishe Dovid Lebovits, SPONSORED Rabbi Moishe Dovid Lebovits, a former chaver kollel of Yeshiva a former chaver kollel of Yeshiva לזכר נשמת מורי ורבי Torah Vodaath and and a a musmach of of Torah Vodaath musmach הרה"ג רב חיים ישראל HaravHarav Yisroel Yisroel Belsky Belsky zt”l Shlita. Rabbi. Rabbi LebovitsLebovits currently currently works works as the as the ב"ר דוב זצ"ל בעלסקי RabbinicalRabbinical Administrator Administrator for for Dedicated in memory of thethe KOF-K KOF-K Kosher Kosher Supervision. 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This is very rare today. In addition, the entire attitude toward a parent hitting a child for educational purposes has changed. What is the correct halachic attitude toward this sensitive topic? Sources in Chazal Chazal discuss hitting a child at length. The pasuk in Mishlei1 says, Foolishness is bound in the heart of a youth; the rod of discipline will distance it from him. In addition, the pasuk in Mishlei2 says, Do not hold discipline from the youth; if you strike him with the rod, he will not die. In yet another place, Mishlei3 advises, The rod and rebuke provide wisdom, but a self-indulgent youth brings shame to his mother. The Yalkut Shimoni4 says that when a child is young a rebbi hits him, but when he is older words do the job. The Gemara5 says that until a boy is twelve years old, one should deal with him with nice words if he is not learning.6 1 22:15. 2 23:13. 3 29:15. 4 Chukas Remez 763. 5 Maseches Kesubos 50a. 6 Ibid., Rashi “m’galgeil.” SPONSORED BY: Hitting a Child | 3 After that age, he should make him miserable. Rashi7 says that this is done by hitting him with a strap and giving him less bread. Clearly, Chazal were advocates of hitting a child.8 This is brought down in halachah as well regarding a father hitting his child until a certain age, as well as a rebbi hitting a student. Hitting in History The Midrash Rabbah9 says that Avraham did not hit Yishmael, and that is why he did not turn out well. Avraham changed his method with Yitzchak. Yitzchak loved Eisav10 and did not hit him, and Eisav ended up wanting to kill Yaakov.11 Yitzchak would discipline Yaakov by hitting, and Yaakov became one of our Avos. How to Hit The Gemara12 says that when hitting a child for disciplinary purposes, one should hit him only with a shoelace,13 in a way in which he will not be injured. If he still does not study, let him remain in the company of his friends (and he will eventually pay attention). Some suggest hitting 7 Ibid., “yored.” 8 This would apply to a girl as well (Chinuch Yisrael 2:6, page 435). 9 Shemos 1:1. 10 Bereishis 25:28. 11 Ibid. 27:41. 12 Maseches Bava Basra 21a. עג.( הבא... )נדה הלכות בכל יום מובטח לו שהוא בן עולם כל השונה הלכות בכל יום מובטח לו שהוא בן עולם הבא... )נדה עג.( 13 Rambam, Hilchos Talmud Torah 2:2. The Maharsha, Maseches Bava Basra ibid. says the reason for using the shoelace is because the damage done will be minimal and it takes time for one to take the shoelace out of the shoe. Until this is done the anger will become less and less toward what the child did that he deserved to be hit. Chazal are saying: let the rebbi etc. SPONSORED demonstrate that this is something that he does not like to do (Harav Yisroel Belsky zt”l). BY: 4 | HAlAchicAllY SpeAKiNg with a hand since the hitter also feels pain while hitting, and will refrain from hitting too hard.14 This is brought in halachah in discussing a rebbi hitting ח.( )ברכות ח.( a student.15 Even in this situation one must be careful, since this is not recommended in all cases.16 It is forbidden for the rebbi or a parent to hit a student בלבד... הלכה אין לו להקב"ה בעולמו אלא ד' אמות של with a stick.17 In any case, hitting out of anger is forbidden.18 If one hits his child more than required his sin is too great to bear.19 One who hits his child should do so with the proper mindset.20 It is also forbidden for a rebbi to hit without a good 14 Shvilei Hachinuch 4, page 178. 15 Shulchan Aruch, Y.D. 245:10. The Shevet Mussar 17:9 says it is a bad custom of those who tell the rebbi not to hit in front of the child. Since the child hears that the rebbi does not have permission to hit, the child will add to the offense since he knows he will not be hit. Some mention that another person who is not one’s rebbi can hit a child for chinuch reasons (Salmas Chaim 352; see Sefer Chassidim 49; Pele Yoetz, Chinuch page 176, new print; Chinuch Yisrael 2:6, page 430). Others argue with this (Shevet Hakehasi 3:319). 16 Teshuvos V’hanhagos 3:280; Vayitzbor Yosef 4:115. Refer to Chasam Sofer, Drashos (Bereishis page 246); Asei Lecha Rav 1:76, 5:28; Igros Moshe, Y.D. 3:76; Mesoros Moshe 2, pages 384-385. The Mishnah Berurah 343:9 brings that a child should be hit if he steals something or causes damage to others. The stealing aspect is brought in Shulchan Aruch, C.M. 349:5. Some suggest to hit if the child uses foul language (Shvilei Hachinuch 4, page 180). The Rema, Y.D. 233:1 says about hitting a child as not to make him accustomed to make nedarim. The Chafetz Chaim zt”l is reported to have hit his son on occasion (Shoalim V’dorshim 4, page 464). 17 Igros Moshe, Y.D. 4:30:4. 18 Erech Apayim 1:15; Sefer Hazikaron L’Ba’al Hamichtav M’Eliyahu 1, page 95; Teshuvos V’hanhagos 2:463; Chinuch Yisrael 2:6, page 436; Chazon Ish, Emunah U’bitachon 4:16; V’aleihu Lo Yibol 2, pages 47-48. See Mishneh Halachos 15:66. Sometimes one who hits with anger will tend to hit more and beyond the requirement for chinuch, and this is forbidden (Kuntres Sichas Hayeladim page 13). The Sefer Chassidim (306) says one should make sure not to allow his child to learn by someone who has anger. If one transgresses an issur by making one angry, see Ohr Yitzchak, Y.D. 2:35. 19 Sefer Chassidim 155 (end). 20 Otzer Plios Hatorah, Shemos page 92. SPONSORED BY: Hitting a Child | 5 reason.21 If a rebbi hits more than he should, he should be replaced.22 If one hits too often then the hitting is not as effective.23 One should not hit a child in areas where the child will be injured.24 Until What Age The Gemara25 mentions that one should not hit his older son. If he does, he should be put in cherem, since the son will hit back, and the parent will transgress putting a stumbling block before the blind.26 This is mentioned in Shulchan Aruch as well.27 The Rema28 places the age at twenty-two or twenty-four years.29 It is prohibited even at a younger age, but there is no cherem for it.30 Once he marries, the restriction begins even at a younger age, as he is considered an adult in the eyes of people.31 Too Young If a child is too young to understand why he is hit, then 21 Teshuvos V’hanhagos ibid.