CRACCUM ISSUE 10, 2019 AUSA President Resigns David Seymour puts up with Sister Slaughtered Craccum low-key roasting him Craccum is unsure if this has helped the Lachlan Mitchell sat through Tati’s 43 minute ‘Unfuck AUSA’ platform Apparently it was a food review but we got video so you don’t have to kinda side-tracked Special finished until 31th of May, 2019 While stocks last SENNHEISER SENNHEISER SENNHEISER CX 2.00G CX 3.00 CX 5.00 $49incl. $59incl. $89incl. NORMALLY $99 incl. NORMALLY $99 incl. NORMALLY $159 incl. SENNHEISER $19incl. HD 2.10 NORMALLY $99 incl. On-Ear Headset Special finished until 31th of May, 2019 While stocks last 04 EDITORIAL 06 NEWS SUMMARY 08 NEWS LONGFORM contents 10 The Tip Top Sellout 12 SHADOW SNACK REVIEW #2 16 BOY BANDS 20 THE LOST PROPERTY SALE 26 Et Tu, Tati? SENNHEISER SENNHEISER SENNHEISER 28 SHERRY'S PLAYLISTS CX 2.00G CX 3.00 CX 5.00 30 Q'S WITH KATE 32 DATING ONLINE 34 Kai Review $ incl. $ incl. $ incl. 49 59 89 36 UOA BINGO NORMALLY $99 incl. NORMALLY $99 incl. NORMALLY $159 incl. 37 HOROSCOPES WANT TO CONTRIBUTE? 38 THE PEOPLE TO BLAME. Send your ideas to: News [email protected] Features [email protected] Arts SENNHEISER [email protected] Community and Lifestyle [email protected] $ incl. HD 2.10 Illustration 19 [email protected] NORMALLY $99 incl. On-Ear Headset Need feedback on what you’re working on? [email protected] Hot tips on stories [email protected] Your 1 0 0 % s t u d e n t o w n e d u b i q . c o . n z bookstore on campus! 03 editorial. It’s 4am and I am Writing a Listicle Out of Desperation: A Memoir BY BAILLEY VERRY Each week Craccum’s esteemed Editor-in-Chief writes their editorial 10 minutes before deadline and this is the product of that. As the end of the semester draws closer at what 3. Scream into the void seems like a glacial pace, you may begin to see those Ideally, you would be exercising to relieve your mount- deadlines starting to pile up. But in my wisdom that ing stress and tension, but that is a luxury that we just can only be found at the bottom of five coffees and don’t have right now. The walk to Munchy Mart is all the wee hours of the morning, this week’s editorial is you’re getting. Take a pillow or muffler of choice and a handy guide you can use to survive until the real hell just let go. Feel better? Good - now you can get back that is exams. to work. 1. Sleep is for quitters 4. Avoid all responsibility Fuck having a healthy lifestyle. We are balls to walls Plans? Not anymore. Plans are for people who man- here and there is cramming to be done. Chug your aged their time better. If you are sacrificing sleep, caffeine of choice while watching a vine compilation, then you are definitely sacrificing your social life. The and get your shit done. The faster you do it, the faster relaxation of human interaction will lull you into a false you are asleep. sense of security while you fall further behind. Call 2. Uber Eats is your friend in sick from work - money is overrated anyway. Truly isolate yourself until everything is done. Is it expensive? Yes. Will it also provide you with a meal that includes all major food groups? Also yes. Alterna- 5. Stop breathing tively, if you are poor, just grab a ten pack of mi goreng That breath you just took? Don’t. All the energy you put and deal with the consequence to your body later. You into breathing could be used towards learning more. If don’t have time for that right now. you stop breathing, you will get more adrenaline into your body, and you can ride that extra energy right into study town. Worst case scenario you might never have to study again. That’s called a win-win. 04 NZ Music Month at Shads FEATURING Music Pub Quiz 28th MAY REGISTER YOUR TEAM AT www.ausa.org.nz/QUIZ Open Mic Night 30th MAY REGISTER AT www.ausa.org.nz/OPENMIC news. AUSA President Anand Rama Resigns DANIEL MEECH AUSA President Anand Rama has handed in notice of his An election will be held to determine who will take the now-va- resignation. cant Education Vice-President seat. At time of writing, no-one has officially announced their intention to run, but Craccum is aware of His resignation comes just nine weeks into his first semester as head several potential candidates. Candidates will be expected to put their of the organisation. Rama and AUSA both cite “personal reasons” for nominations forward between the 20th and 27th of May. Votes will be his departure. In a Facebook post released shortly after the decision counted between the 3rd and 7th of June. was announced, Rama said he was not “in a good headspace” during AUSA have expressed gratitude for Rama’s work on the execu- his tenure. “Being in the role was taking a toll on my wellbeing and my tive. “We would like to thank Anand for the incredible leadership and life,” he wrote, “Today I put myself and my own health first, for the first service he has given AUSA,” a post on their Facebook page reads, time in what’s felt like a long time”. “This place is a much better organisation for our students because of Rama is set to depart the AUSA house on the 27th of May. you. We wish you all the very best”. Barton echoes the comments of In his stead, current Education Vice-President George Barton will the rest of the team. “Anand has stepped down in order to look after take the helm. Barton is perhaps best known for organising the Zero his mental health and to finally put himself first. I cannot even begin Tolerance Hui. He also helped implement a new policy which means to imagine how difficult a decision this would have been for Anand the university will have to record all lectures from the beginning of both personally and professionally. On behalf of our Executive, I would next semester. “This is not how I ever wanted or expected the year to like to thank Anand for the incredible leadership and service that he progress and definitely not how I ever wanted to come into the role,” has given AUSA both as Administrative Vice-President last year and says Barton, “My job now is to continue to enable our Executive to de- as President this year,” he told Craccum. liver on the work that we were elected to deliver on”. Barton says he Craccum sincerely wishes Rama all the best in future. For his plans to focus on following through with the AUSA’s promise of free part, Rama says he hopes other students will learn from his mistake. exam seminars for big first year papers, to push for more engage- “Learn to be open to those around [you],” Rama told Craccum, “Talk ment in local body elections, to strengthen the student council, to to your family, talk to your friends, talk to a counsellor, talk to anyone, continue to develop working relationships with faculty associations, because that’s the first step”. and to deliver a mental health report to the university. Labour Government Turns Sour on Fees-Free Flop BRIAN GU After less than two full years of implementation, the reform of the national system of vocational education and training, Government’s first-year fees-free tertiary programme is with a proposal being submitted to merge the nation’s 16 polytechnic set to lose $197 million of budget allocation, after being institutes into one. Grant Robertson has indicated that the funding identified by the Government as a low-priority initiative. extracted from the tertiary fees-free programme would be reinvest- ed into the eventual implementation of this reform, identifying a In an effort to reduce spending prior to the upcoming Budget, the need to “value apprenticeships, trades and workplace training more." Government identified around $1 billion in areas of low-priority However, National’s Shane Reti believes that this is only ‘one bad pol- spending, after being assessed according to “effectiveness” and icy propping up another’. "The Education Minister needs to urgently ‘alignment with the Government’s priorities.” Finance Minister Grant re-evaluate fees-free and at least delay the rushed reforms of the Robertson admitted to the Chamber of Commerce “one example of polytechnic sector." this was… spending on the fees-free programme due to enrolments As of yet, no further decisions on the fate of the fees-free not meeting initial forecasts.” programme have been confirmed by the Government. However, Inexorably, this has led to questions as to why Labour’s policy opposing parties have taken the opportunity to criticize Labour on performed so poorly. "When you get a period of time when you have the failed policy. “It’s [only] paying the tuition of children in well-off employment being very, very low, that traditionally coincides with families that would have gone to university anyway,” says ACT leader lower enrolments, in particular in polytechs," Robertson claimed. David Seymour, while National’s Shane Reti called the programme National’s tertiary education spokesperson Shane Reti has called the “a failure from the very start, with 2400 fewer students enrolling in government to account for failing one of its key sectors, claiming "the tertiary education and training than a year ago.” Government has poorly allocated money in education and now it's in However, when asked if the scheme was a failure, Robertson a situation where teachers are engaging in the largest ever industrial said it was “far from it”; rather, it was “simply a recognition that not all action in New Zealand, and one of its key policies has fallen over." of the money that was allocated for it was being used.” In Issue 3, Craccum reported the government’s intention for a 06 news.