SILENCE Silence is © 2018 by James Banks and licensed under a Creative Commons license !ttribution" NonCommercial"NoDerivatives $%0 International% See creativecommons%org/licenses/by"nc"nd'$%0/ A note on t(e ty)e t(e Com)uter *odern +amily ,as desi&ned by #onald -nut(% .(e +onts em)loyed in t(is ,ork are Com)uter *odern Seri+/ and +or t(e (eaders/ Com)uter *odern Sans Seri+% INTRODUCTION .(is book is a record of t(ree mont(s 0ebruary/ *arc(/ and !)ril 1incom)lete t(ou&( it may be2% 3 Table of Contents INT45#UC.I5N%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%3 0EB46!47%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%8 1. Silence/ Loveless Lostboyevsky%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%9 2. *y Bloody Blue%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%32 3% Cafe Soundtrack%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%8$ $% Ein:uss and Background%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%62 8% Silent Sno,y ;alentine%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%80 *!4C<%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%105 9% 5*ENER#S =$>/ Homer ?uincy Smit(/ *ysel+%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%106 @% Heaven or Las ;egas/ #amage/ Ein:uss%124 8. Aapre .igre EP/ Blue Bell -noll/ Heaven or Las ;egas%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%144 B% Silence%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%159 10. Silence%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%171 11. Silence%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%184 12. Silence%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%193 LET.ERS%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%203 16 *arc( 2018%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%203 16 *arc( 2018%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%206 N5.ES%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%207 19 *arc( 2018%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%207 !A4IL%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%213 13. .(e *usical 5Cerin&/ Silence%%%%%%%%%%%%%%214 14. Silence/ .(e *usical 5Cerin&%%%%%%%%%%%%%%229 15. Silence/ Daitin&%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%247 16. .(e *usical 5Cerin&/ .(e *usical 5Cerin&%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%260 17. .(e *usical 5Cerin&%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%269 $ FEBRUARY 8 1. Silence, Loveless Lostbo evs! I lasted a +e, days all by mysel+/ inside t(e apartment buildin&/ everyone else (aving gone out t(e door/ ,alking a,ay so +ull o+ lau&(ter and +oolis(ness% I lay on t(e bed and counted t(e cracks on t(e ceilin&/ all Eve of t(em/ and t(en got off t(e bed and ,alked to t(e ,indo,/ looking out at t(e Eeld o+ :o,ers t(at surrounded my a)artment buildin&% I )ut on some clot(ing and ,alked to t(e ground :oor of t(e a)artment buildin&/ and looked around in t(e rooms ,(ic( ,erenFt being rented% .(ey ,ere blank ,alls and beige car)ets% I ,alked around t(e sGuare dou&(nut of t(e (all,ay/ and got on t(e elevator/ and rode it back u) to t(e :oor on ,(ic( I lived/ and t(en I took t(e stairs to t(e :oor above/ and ,alked around t(e sGuare dou&(nut o+ t(e (all,ay/ lost in t(ou&(t% H 9 I ,as t(inking about a))les% D(ere do t(ey come +romI #o ap)les come +rom seeds/ or do t(ey come +rom t(e storeI #o t(ey come +rom evolutionI 0rom t(e sunI 0rom JodI I )icked an ap)le off t(e table of my apartment and took a bite out of it% !))les are not my +avorite +ruit/ but I buy t(em any,ay% H I ,as trying to remember t(e name o+ Kust one of t(e )eople ,(o (ad Kust le+t my apartment buildin&/ +oolis(ly and lau&(in&ly% I did not kno, any o+ t(eir names anymore% .(ey ,ere my +riends Kust a +e, days ago/ but no, t(ey ,ere not(in&% I ,is(ed I could remember t(eir names/ and t(en I ,is(ed I could care enou&( about t(em to ,is( I could remember t(eir names% H And t(en I got a little bit carried a,ay/ t(inkin& about someone I used to love% .(at )erson ,as )retty generousL .(ey used to give me some nice )resents% Not everyone gives )eople )resents% H @ I +ound a rat in my a)artment% I tried to call t(e manager/ but (e ,as gone% So I c(ased t(e rat into someone elseFs a)artment/ and I ,ould (ave c(ased t(at rat out o+ t(e buildin&/ but t(at rat (ad run under t(e locked door of a nei&(borFs a)artment/ so I couldnFt go in t(ere and +urt(er s(oo it% H I ,oke u) to End mysel+ all of a sudden in a )ile of re+use turned into a normal"siMed (uman% I (ad no idea ,(y I ,as t(ere/ so naked and alone/ but I kne, I ,as revolted% Some +acts are incorri&ible% H I stood u)/ and +ound some t(ro,n"a,ay clot(es to clot(e mysel+/ and I ,alked around in t(e tras(/ smelling mysel+ but t(inking it ,as my environment/ surrounded by :ies% I ,as disoriented% H All t(e )eople in t(e garbage (ea) ,ere sur)rised to see me% ND(atFs t(at ,(ite man doing in t(e garbage (eapIO .(ey s)oke En&lis( — ,(y did I kno, Englis(I —miPed ,it( t(e 8 ,ords to anot(er language% Some of t(em lau&(ed at me/ and some o+ t(em t(ou&(t I deserved to be ,(ere I ,as/ and some o+ t(em ,ere a+raid/ sus)ecting some kind o+ strange (ammer+all/ but some of t(em sim)ly asked me ,(o I ,as/ and I said NI donFt kno,%O And t(ey asked me ,(at year it ,as/ and I said/ NI donFt kno,%O .(ey let me (ang out ,it( t(em/ because t(ey all smelled like tras(/ too, and led me to t(eir slum% I sle)t on t(e :oor o+ one of t(eir slum" d,ellings/ and I liked (o, (ard it ,as% I remembered lying in t(e sGuis( and random of t(e tras(/ and t(is single (ard :oor ,as not like t(at% I ,oke u) and t(ey said NIt is Sunday/ ,ill you come ,it( us to c(urc(IO !nd I said NI am so +oul"smellin&LO and t(ey said NSo are ,eLO and t(ey led me to a room ,it( ,ater and all o+ us ,as(ed some and ,e still smelled but not as bad% H I got a ty)e,riter in t(e mail t(e ot(er day% I kne, t(at no, I could be a ,riter% Be+ore/ I (ad not been a ,riter/ because I got too B consumed in talkin&% But ,it( a ty)e,riter/ no one ,ants to be in t(e same room as you/ and you End it so easy to say everyt(in&/ using your Engers% H I got a cord o+ ,ood t(e ot(er day and stacked it in my back yard% .(en I got my (atc(et and c(op)ed it into )ieces t(at I could )ut in my ,ood"burning stove% D(y did I (ave a ,ood" burning stoveI It came ,it( t(e (ouse/ and t(is ,inter/ ,ood is c(eaper t(an oil% H I+ I ,ere )ossessed by a demon/ ,ould I kno, itI I t(ink I ,ould kno, it ,(en I stop)ed (aving +un% H Here in t(e tavern/ ,e (ave a good time talking all ni&(t lon&% De kno, t(at ,(en ,e get u) t(e nePt mornin&/ at 11AM/ ,e ,ill (ave a long ,ay to go. I+ ,e donFt go t(at long ,ay/ ,e ,onFt get ,(ere ,eFre goin&% So ,e take t(e time to talk late into t(e ni&(t% D(o kno,s ,(at ,eFll need to kno, on our long KourneyI Aer(aps ,eFll need to (a))en to kno, t(e 10 customs o+ a +ar"off )eople% 5r )er(a)s ,eFll need to remember t(at one Koke/ t(e only t(ing t(at can li+t our s)irits on a driMMle"day% H NIFm only (a))y ,(en it rainsO sang t(e only )art I could understand of t(e song t(at I enKoyed listening to ,(en it ,as ne, and on t(e radio in t(e 1990s% .o be more )recise/ IFm only (a))y ,(en I rain% H S(e )oured (er misery out on me/ and t(at ,as okay too, but I ,asnFt (ap)y% I ,asnFt (a))y t(at s(e ,as un(ap)y/ but I +elt like t(ere ,as reality t(ere% I ,as +eeling older and more ,orn out/ ,eaker and +ainter/ and it ,asnFt +rom my o,n strengt( t(at I could (andle reality% *y o,n strengt( canFt (andle reality/ I canFt see it/ I (ave no grave to (old it% H .(e sun comes out +rom be(ind t(e clouds and I decide to try somet(ing ne,% I decide to go to t(e store and buy a +ood IFve never (ad be+ore% I decide to buy turni)s% I kno, t(at turni)s arenFt any good to eat/ t(eyFre Kust (ealt(y% But 11 I also get some mangos/ ,(ic( IFve never eaten% IFve eaten so many ap)les% H I can cro,d )eople out o+ my mind using t(e t(ou&(ts I al,ays t(ink% I+ someone could tell me ,(at I kno,/ t(en I ,ould believe t(em% Dould I believe t(em/ or ,ould I kno, t(emI I+ anyt(ing could tell me ,(at I kno,/ t(en I ,ould kno, it% I ,ould believe it% !nd t(en I ,ould kno, it% !nd I ,ould be (ap)y% H 7ou ,ere a little bit be(ind me in line/ and I could (ear you ,ondering ,(at you ,ere going to eat% Dere you going to eat a blood orange or a )inea))leI I ,as trying to t(ink o+ ,(at I ,as going to eat/ and ,(at you ,ere saying made me t(ing about t(e le+t (and o+ my (eart% .(atFs t(e )art of me t(at isnFt as stron&/ ,(ic( s(ivers ,(en it tries% I try to eat +ood every day/ and I usually do/ and t(e le+t (and o+ my (eart trembles as I try to kno, t(ings% I (ave to kee) movin&%%% IFm sorry/ I ,as telling about you/ standing be(ind me in line/ deciding ,(et(er to eat )ineap)le or blood orange% D(at restaurant is t(isI ItFs t(e kind of restaurant I 12 ,ould go to, and t(e kind o+ restaurant you ,ould go to.