b r e a t h e again HOW TO LIVE WELL WHEN LIFE FALLS APART Niki Hardy O Niki Hardy, Breathe Again Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2019. Used by permission. _Hardy_BreatheAgain_AN_djm.indd 5 5/22/19 11:45 AM 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of Congress Cataloging- in- Publication Data is on file at the Library of Con- gress, Washington, DC. Library of Congress Cataloging- in- Publication Control Number: 0000000000 © 2019 by Niki Hardy Published by Revell a division of Baker Publishing Group PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 www.revellbooks.com Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means— for example, electronic, photo- copy, recording— without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews. Library of Congress Cataloging- in- Publication Data Names: Hardy, Niki, 1968– author. Title: Breathe again : how to live well when life falls apart / Niki Hardy. Description: Grand Rapids : Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group, 2019. | Includes bibliographical references. Identifiers: LCCN 2019002511 | ISBN 9780800735548 (pbk.) Subjects: LCSH: Suffering—Religious aspects—Christianity. Classification: LCC BV4909 .H3644 2019 | DDC 248.8/6—dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019002511 Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New In- ternational Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan .com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™ Scripture quotations labeled ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publish- ers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2016 Scripture quotations labeled MSG are from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Scripture quotations labeled TLB are from The Living Bible, copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. The author is represented by MacGregor & Luedeke Literary 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Niki Hardy, Breathe Again Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2019. Used by permission. _Hardy_BreatheAgain_AN_djm.indd 6 5/22/19 11:45 AM To Mum and Jo You led the way. You showed me how. I miss you. Every day. i To Al My best friend, my hubby, my partner in crime, my HB. No matter what life chucks our way, you’re the man I want to live it with. Thank you for believing in me. I love you. i To my beans— James, Sophie, and Emma Remember these three things, always: God loves you desperately. So do I. And wherever life takes you, the flapjack tin will always be waiting, full. I love you . more. Niki Hardy, Breathe Again Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2019. Used by permission. _Hardy_BreatheAgain_AN_djm.indd 7 5/22/19 11:45 AM Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 ESV Niki Hardy, Breathe Again Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2019. Used by permission. _Hardy_BreatheAgain_AN_djm.indd 8 5/22/19 11:45 AM contents I’m Sorry You’re Here . No Wait, I Take That Back 11 Part 1 Finding Solid Ground 1. Rubbish We Believe When the Poop Hits the Fan 23 It’s all my fault, God’s angry, and now he’s vanished 2. The Truth We Need When Our World Is Rocked 37 Life doesn’t have to be pain- free to be full 3. Practice Makes Better, Not Perfect 57 Part 2 Learning to Breathe Again 4. Choose Brave 69 It doesn’t have to be big 5. Trust God 87 He’s got impeccable credentials 9 Niki Hardy, Breathe Again Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2019. Used by permission. _Hardy_BreatheAgain_AN_djm.indd 9 5/22/19 11:45 AM contents 6. Find Community 107 Thriving is a team sport 7. Be Vulnerable 123 Stiff upper lips need ChapStick 8. Embrace the Journey 139 Even the detours, diversions, and dead ends 9. Practice Gratitude 157 For the rubble, not just the rubies 10. Reach Out 175 It might just save you Part 3 Keep Calm and Breathe On 11. Now What? 195 Have tools, will travel The Thriver’s Manifesto 205 Gifts 207 From me to you, with love Resources 209 Where can I find help with . ? Acknowledgments 211 Because I can’t fit a hundred names on the cover Notes 215 Who said what, where About the Author 219 Niki’s sensible(ish) bio 10 Niki Hardy, Breathe Again Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2019. Used by permission. _Hardy_BreatheAgain_AN_djm.indd 10 5/22/19 11:45 AM i’m sorry you’re here . no wait, i take that back In this world you will have trouble. John 16:33 I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 ’d been home less than twenty-four hours when I got the call from my sister, Claire. It was time. I’d hardly been Iback home in Oxford, England, long enough to throw any- thing in the wash or put my suitcase back in the attic, but it was time. Time to head back to Vancouver, Canada, to my mum’s house, where she’d lived since marrying my stepfather nearly twenty years earlier. She’d been battling aggressive, small- cell lung cancer for the last year, and I’d just spent two precious weeks visiting her. How could it be time? Had things deteriorated that fast? 11 Niki Hardy, Breathe Again Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2019. Used by permission. _Hardy_BreatheAgain_AN_djm.indd 11 5/22/19 11:45 AM i’m sorry you’re here . no wait, i take that back I chucked some mismatched clothes and my wash bag back into my suitcase, landed a firm but quick oh- my- goodness- I’ve- got- to- go peck on Al’s cheek followed by one for each of the kids, and then dashed back to the majestic coast of the Pacific Northwest. Mum was barely conscious by the time I arrived at the hospital, yet she appeared to have been waiting for me, the last of her kids, to arrive. Turning her head as I perched on the edge of the bed, she smiled weakly, the corners of her mouth curling slightly upward, relief filling her eyes. “You made it,” she mumbled. As her breathing became labored and she slipped uncon- scious, we held her hands and prayed. She passed away as we— my sisters Claire and Jo, and our stepfather with his grown children— looked on helplessly. “In this world you will have trouble . .” i Six short years later, Claire had to make another call. It was time. Again. With an ominous sense of déjà vu, I went through the motions as if acting in a play I’d rehearsed only once before. Once again it seemed like just a few hours that I’d been home. By then Al and I had moved with our three small kids to Charlotte, North Carolina, to plant CityChurch, and I’d been back in England for a week visiting my sister Jo in Torquay. It was now Jo’s turn to be fighting that same ter- rifying disease: aggressive small-cell lung cancer. When I’d hugged her goodbye, stroking her soft, fuzzy, chemo-bald head, my bubbly, vivacious chef of a sister may have been a shadow of herself physically, but she’d still been the same 12 Niki Hardy, Breathe Again Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, © 2019. Used by permission. _Hardy_BreatheAgain_AN_djm.indd 12 5/22/19 11:45 AM i’m sorry you’re here . no wait, i take that back old feisty, belligerent girl I knew and loved who could crack a joke like a stand-up comic. How could it be time? Had things deteriorated that quickly? It was just after Christmas, and we were having a bril- liant time sightseeing and freezing our butts off in DC when the international number flashed up on my phone. My stomach lurched. I just knew. I’d thrown my passport into my bag just in case this happened, but it had felt like a betrayal to Jo’s strength to fight on, so I’d studiously ig- nored the fear warning me to pack my little black dress and pumps. All I had with me were jeans, fleece socks, my win- ter boots, and the rather gaudy fake- fur earmuffs I’d had to buy to save my ears from the biting DC wind. It would have to do. Once again I kissed Al and the kids goodbye, found a seat on the first flight from DC to London, and crossed the -At lantic deep in fear- motivated prayer. As the train from London came to a stop, I stepped down into my father’s waiting arms. We stood clinging to one an- other, our hug tight and lingering, oblivious to the other passengers navigating awkwardly around us.