But Some of Them are Fierce: Navigating and Negotiating the Terrain of Motherhood as Formerly Incarcerated and Convicted Mothers by Grace Gámez A Dissertation Presented in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree Doctor of Philosophy Approved April 2015 by the Graduate Supervisory Committee: Elizabeth Swadener, Chair Patrisia Gonzales Alan Gómez ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY May 2015 ABSTRACT Women who are incarcerated are viewed as having departed from the hegemonic standard of motherhood, and become questionable in their roles as mothers, and are often perceived as "bad" mothers. While the challenges of parenting behind bars has been widely researched, there is a paucity of research that centers the experiences and challenges of mothers post-incarceration or probation and a void in the literature that attempts to view this population outside of the confines of the good/bad mother dichotomy. This dissertation explores how mothers who are formerly incarcerated or convicted describe their experiences navigating and negotiating their roles not as good or bad mothers but as fierce mothers . The concept of fierce mother exists outside of the good/bad mother binary; it is based on themes that emerged from the stories women told during our conversations about the practice of mothering. The energy of hard-won survival is what they bring to their mother roles and for many it drives their activism around prison abolition issues. Their stories challenge the normative discourse on good/bad mothers, justice, rights, freedom and dignity. i DEDICATION Hope is the Thing with Feathers Emily Dickenson (1830‒1886) Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, And sings the tune- without the words, And never stops at all. To my children- I love you with the depth and breadth of who I am. You are my songs of hope, my songs of freedom. I thank your spirits for choosing me to carry you into this world and walk beside you on your journey here. I am so honored and proud to be your mama, I promise to always do my very best in this role. All of Us or None Bertolt Brecht (1898‒1956) You who hunger, who shall feed you? If it’s bread you would be craving, Come to us, we too are starving. Come to us and let us lead you. Only hungry [people] can feed you. Everything or nothing. All of us or none. One alone [their] lot can’t better. Either gun or fetter, Everything or nothing, All of us or none. To fierce mamas-thank you for allowing me into your lives. You inspire, ignite, and motivate me to keep working towards freedom- This is for all of us. ii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS So many people have stood in the gap for me over the years so that I could eventually do the work that I am now doing- family, friends, and allies. But first I want to acknowledge and give thanks to God for His role in achieving this milestone in my life. Father, You are good to me even in the darkest moments. I thank You for healing my broken heart and teaching me to rest and trust in Your love. All honor and glory is Yours forever. Thank you to my mama, my dad, and my siblings who have loved me fiercely, supported me, prayed with me and expressed their pride in me when I didn’t feel proud of myself. My partner Manny knows most intimately the weight of the punishment system as he has carried the burden of my sentence along with me. I will forever be grateful for all of the times he has stood unflinchingly by my side. Thank you Manny for being my “Ride or Die,” we have been through some hurricane level shit and we are still here! Thank you for all the times you said “You are beautiful,” “I am a lucky man,” “I am proud of you,” “You deserve it,” “Fuck them!,” “Everything is going to be okay,” “Just come home,” or “As yoouuu wiiish.” Your love, kindness, patience, humor, and generous spirit have carried me. I love you and look forward to the twists and turns life will bring by your side #Theve♥Lala. I am blessed to have a crew of friends that know me, love me and support me. Thank you to Meghan McDowell, Jessica Solyom, Michelle Rascon, and Sarah Flett Prior. What would graduate school have been like without y’all? I must also express gratitude to allies, advocates, and conspirators who may be in the institution but certainly not of it. First, thank you to my committee, Beth Swadener, Alan Gómez, and Patrisia iii Gonzales. Thank you for believing in me, believing in this work, and being open to allowing me to construct this project in a way that was meaningful to me. Thank you to Wendy Cheng, Karen Leong, Myla Carpio, Michelle Tellez, Luis Fernandez, Nancy Wonders, and Fred Solop for your mentorship, advocacy, support, encouragement, kindness, and consideration. I will never forget the ways you all held me when the institutional waters became choppy and uncertain. Thank you to the Arizona Ethnic Studies Network it has been a privilege and honor to work with you all. Thank you to Jason Aragón and Pan Left Productions for the writing space, the encouragement, the energy, the community, and collective revolutionary media. Thank you to Becky Harvey for feeling Kini’s story and for bringing her baby back to life for her through your painting. And finally, thank you to writers, scholars, activists, and theorists of color- you are all beautiful freedom dreamers. iv TABLE OF CONTENTS Page LIST OF TABLES ................................................................................................................ xiii PROLOGUE........... ................................................................................................................. ix CHAPTER 1 LITERATURE REVIEW ............................................................................................. 1 Social and Legal Constructions of the Good/Bad Mother ........................ 1 Punishment System and Motherhood ........................................................ 8 2 METHODOLOGIES ................................................................................................. 12 Calling All Dreamers of Freedom ........................................................... 12 Process ..................................................................................................... 13 Method/Testimonio…………………………………………………..17 Recruitment Process ................................................................................. 19 Analysis ................................................................................................... 20 Participant Demographics ....................................................................... 21 3 THEORIES/CONCEPTS .......................................................................................... 24 My Soul is Weary with Sorrow ............................................................... 24 Role Strain and Role Conflict .................................................................. 26 Stigma ....................................................................................................... 27 Stigma Management ................................................................................ 28 Good Eggs or Bad Apples ....................................................................... 30 Some of them are Fierce .......................................................................... 33 v CHAPTER Page Fierce Mothering as Intergenerational Knowledge ................................. 34 Fierce Mothers Access and Practice Othermothering ............................. 34 Fierce Mothers as Imagined Communities.............................................. 36 Fierce Mother Situated Knowledge ......................................................... 37 4 CONTEXT/PORTRAITS ........... .............................................................................. 39 Context: Women in the Punishment System ........................................... 39 Portraits of the Mothers ........................................................................... 45 Phoebe’s Story ......................................................................................... 44 Kini's Story .............................................................................................. 51 Martha's Story .......................................................................................... 64 Ericka's Story ........................................................................................... 73 Yraida’s Story .......................................................................................... 79 Lisa's Story ............................................................................................... 91 Mary's Story ............................................................................................. 99 Gigi's Story ............................................................................................. 113 Christine's Story ..................................................................................... 121 Summary of the Portraits ....................................................................... 134 5 PUNISHMENT SYSTEM A/EFFECTS ................................................................ 137 Matrix Insiders: Understanding the system ........................................... 137 From Justice to (In)justice System ........................................................ 138 Love in Action ........................................................................................ 140 Rebuilding Self ....................................................................................... 141 vi CHAPTER Page Trying to Make a Dollar