Manuel Ramos da Cruz Exam # 50050600 1 Student #706793933 [email protected] 524 Unit D Greenfield Avenue Kitchener, Ontario N2C 1G2 Ontario Canada Dear Manuel, Your thesis is off to a very good start but needs some improvement. List the types of differences you’ll discuss, condense and simply your existing ideas to get right to the argument you want to make, and push a little further to make an argument about the significance or effect of the book being “darker.” Then, revise your body paragraphs so each one explains how a single difference between the book and movie proves your thesis points. First, include a topic sentence that indicates the focus of the paragraph (i.e. the difference you’ll discuss). See the 12th marginal comment, below, for an example topic sentence template. Second, include evidence from the book and movie to prove the difference exists. Third, analyze to explain how the difference in question 1) makes the book darker than the movie and 2) leads to whatever effect or significance you’ll argue the “darker book” situation causes. Please see the marginal comments on the first half of your outline for more revision guidance. If you have questions on this feedback or how to revise, please contact the school. Instructor (VGG) Penn Foster Essay: Comparison And Contrast Commented [VGG1]: Include a header only (above) and then a title just before the start of your essay. Do not include a full title page (as the info in this title page is already included in the header). Student # 70673933 Exam # 50050600 Manuel Ramos da Cruz Exam # 50050600 2 Student #706793933 [email protected] 524 Unit D Greenfield Avenue Kitchener, Ontario N2C 1G2 Ontario Canada Ramos da Cruz, Manuel February 17th, 2016 IntroductionTitle Goes Here Commented [VGG2]: Once you are at the essay stage, do not include sub-titles to indicate the different sections of your essay. (Instead, use verbal transitions to let readers Roderick Thorpe is a novelist specializing primarily in crime novels; he also in addition know when you are moving between points and sections). givesto his busy life giving lectures in literature and creative writing. Commented [VGG3]: This is not an engaging or interesting start. Also, the introduction paragraph must be several sentences in length (typically 5-7), not a single Two of his more well-known novels received adaptations into movies. The 1966 novel, sentence. “The Detective”, was made into a feature film in 1968. The movie of the same name featured Commented [VGG4]: Italicize all movie and book titles. Frank Sinatra taking the role of the main character Joe Leland. This was later adapted to a sequel in 1988 that was known as Die Hard, with Bruce Willis taking on the role of the main character. Manuel Ramos da Cruz Exam # 50050600 3 Student #706793933 [email protected] 524 Unit D Greenfield Avenue Kitchener, Ontario N2C 1G2 Ontario Canada Nothing Lasts Forever is a thriller novel written by Roderick Thorp as a sequel to the novel “The Detective”. The book revolves around the main character Detective Joe Leland, who makes a visit to the main headquarters of Klaxon Oil Corporation to visit his daughter. As he waits for her, a faction of German terrorists aggressively takes control of the building. Their plan is to steal documents that are to be used for the public exposure of Klaxon Oil Corporation, as it deals with the Junta in Chile. Leland attempts to fight off the terrorists while saving the hostages, which include his daughter and grandchildren. On the other hand, the movie, Die Hard, makes a positive attempt at developing the main character, played by Bruce Wills, into a more representative figure of a normal person as he exhibits the character of being ignorant and unaware of the motives of the terrorists. Commented [VGG5]: You have some good content here, and you’ve made GREAT progress with your diction. It is now much clearer and easy to understand overall. But this entire section must be combined and condensed into a single introduction paragraph. Use transitions to connect ideas, remove repetitive info, and shorten ideas and wording wherever possible. Also, the thesis statement Thesis Statement should be the last sentence in the introduction paragraph, not a separate section / paragraph. Commented [VGG6]: Again, remove labels on the essay. When comparing “Nothing Last Forever” with its movie adaptation “Die Hard”, we Use transitions to integrate all ideas and let readers know when you are moving into new sections and topics. observe a compelling narrative that revolves around the issues of using violence for the greater good. This is because as noble as the desires of the terrorists seem to be to expose corruption within the corporation, their approach reveals that destruction is not a means to an end. Thethe Commented [VGG7]: Good start on your thesis, but simplify your ideas and get right to the argument. You want differences in X, Y, and Z make the tone and themes of the novel “Nothing Lasts Forever” is to argue the tone and themes in the novel are much darker than in the movie. Good start. But push a little further. As a much darker, which leads to… and features underlying themes of remorse, and addiction as well result of the book being so much darker, what is the effect on readers vs. movie viewers? Make sure you also list the types of changes you’ll discuss that cause the movie to be as the complexities of an unsettled human mind. less dark (and thus cause whatever effect you’ll argue…) Manuel Ramos da Cruz Exam # 50050600 4 Student #706793933 [email protected] 524 Unit D Greenfield Avenue Kitchener, Ontario N2C 1G2 Ontario Canada In the analysis, the viewer is presented with an interesting parallel amidst the arrival of the main movie characters and the terrorists in the form of outsiders who are represented as forces of disruption. Commented [VGG8]: Confusing wording. I’m unsure what you mean here. Remember to focus each body paragraph on proving a single difference between the book Roderick Thorp as the author of the book “Nothing Last Forever”, when compared to the and movie, analyzing how that difference makes the themes or tone in the book “darker,” and analyzing what overall affect this stronger sense of darkness in the book vs. movie film “Die Hard” shows a difference in the arrangement of a formalist realistic scale that is has on readers vs. viewers. dependent on the measure to which it comprises elements of a formalist or realist, which are adopted more in the film than the book. In the balance of such extremes lies “Die Hard” with its formalistic tendencies and the appearance of realism from the beginning of the film. Commented [VGG9]: This language is very convoluted and confusing. I cannot understand what difference you are trying to identify and prove here. The content or story’s main concerns is of the techniques or expressions with which the plots are possibly being lost with no clarity in definition from the start, the middle or at the end to the resolution of conflict emerging as the only way to resolve the situation. Commented [VGG10]: Again, this wording is too confusing; I cannot access or understand your message here. Comparative and Contrasting Elements Commented [VGG11]: Remove all sub-titles. The author Roderick Thorp presents several debates of policy that range from issues of taxation to education as well as the health sector. His ultimate concern, however, is the way violence is being used by the state and its citizens alike, as a means of attaining preservation, liberty, and equality (Roderick 34). Commented [VGG12]: Okay—but how is this different than in the movie? The difference must be clear immediately. The topic sentence for each body paragraph He uses this in his book to act as a reminder to the reader of how American politics rests should state the difference. For example: “First, while the book focuses on X themes and messages, the movie instead focuses on Y themes and messages.” on the definition of principles as well as debates revolving around such principles. Manuel Ramos da Cruz Exam # 50050600 5 Student #706793933 [email protected] 524 Unit D Greenfield Avenue Kitchener, Ontario N2C 1G2 Ontario Canada “Nothing Last Forever” utilizes the complicated issue of constitutionalism and shows how it is ever present as a balance between current circumstances and alternate realities in the book. The book is set in an environment where the United States Supreme Court grapples to understand the limits of federalism as a system of governance and how it hinders the power of the government. Commented [VGG13]: So far, you seem to be giving general information or summary of the themes in the book. But such a focus is not appropriate. Focus each body In comparing the book “Nothing Lasts Forever” and the film “Die Hard”, unite in placing paragraph on one difference between the book and movie, prove the difference exists (with evidence from the book and movie), and then analyze the difference to prove your emphasis on the commitment to the principles that never seem to fit together with ease on thesis. aspects of liberty, equality and that state with progress, tradition, faith and skepticism. “Nothing Lasts Forever” was originally written as a sequel to the literary work known as "The Detective". The aim was to introduce it as a follow up to the film starring Frank Sinatra as the main character Joe Leland. The film adheres closely in similarity to memorable scenes, and characters of the book. Much of the dialogue is directly sourced from the novel as well.