ANGER Causes and Coping Strategies Understanding Anger We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it - whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full- fledged rage. Anger is usually a normal human emotion, but when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems - problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. It can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. The emotion of anger is neither good nor bad. It’s perfectly normal to get angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged or something does not happen as per the norms set by you. The feeling isn't the problem - it's what you do with it that makes a difference. Anger becomes a problem when it harms you or the others. If you have a hot temper, you may feel like it’s out of your hands and there’s little you can do to tame the beast. But you have more control over your anger than you think. You can learn to express your emotions without hurting others - and when you do, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more likely to get your needs met. Mastering the art of anger management takes work, but the more you practice, the easier it will get. And the payoff can be huge. Learning to control your anger and expressing it appropriately can help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life. The Nature of Anger Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (coworker or supervisor at your workplace) or event (traffic jam, cancelled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. Expressing Anger The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats. It inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. Psycho-Technical Directorate Page 1 On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person who irritates or annoys us - laws, social norms and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive - not aggressive - manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding - it means being respectful of yourself and others. Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behaviour. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward - on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behaviour (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships. Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside. Dynamics of Anger We become more angry when we are stressed and body resources are down. We are rarely angry for the reasons we think. We are often angry when we didn't get what we needed as a child. We often become angry when we see a trait in others we can't stand in ourselves. Underneath many current angers are old disappointments, traumas, and triggers. Sometimes we get angry because we were hurt as a child. We get angry when a current event brings up an old unresolved situation from the past. We often feel strong emotion when a situation has a similar content, words or energy that we have felt before. Psycho-Technical Directorate Page 2 Pay attention to the way anger feels in your body Knots in your stomach Clenching your hands or jaw Feeling clammy or flushed Breathing faster Headaches Pacing or needing to walk around “Seeing red” Having trouble concentrating Pounding heart Tensing your shoulders Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others? Some people are more "hot headed" than others - they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things – sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill. People who are easily angered generally have a low tolerance for frustration. They feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust - for example, being corrected for a minor mistake. What makes these people this way? One cause may be genetic or physiological. There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be socio-cultural. Anger is often regarded as negative - we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively. Studies have reported that family background also plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic and not skilled at emotional communications. Psycho-Technical Directorate Page 3 Anger is often a cover-up for other feelings In order to get your needs met and express your anger in appropriate ways, you need to be in touch with what you are really feeling. Are you truly angry? Or is your anger masking other feelings such as embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability? If your knee-jerk response in many situations is anger, it is very likely that your temper is covering up your true feelings and needs. This is especially likely if you grew up in a family where expressing feelings was strongly discouraged. As an adult, you may have a hard time acknowledging feelings other than anger. There’s something more to your anger 1. You have a hard time compromising - Is it hard for you to understand other people’s points of view, and even harder to concede a point? If you grew up in a family where anger was out of control, you may remember how the angry person got his or her way by being the loudest and most demanding. Compromising might bring up scary feelings of failure and vulnerability. 2. You view different opinions and viewpoints as a personal challenge to you - Do you believe that your way is always right and get angry when others disagree? If you have a strong need to be in control or a fragile ego, you may interpret other perspectives as a challenge to your authority, rather than simply a different way of looking at things. If you are uncomfortable with many emotions, disconnected, or stuck on an angry one-note response to everything, it might do you some good to get back in touch with your feelings. Emotional awareness is the key to self-understanding and success in life. Without the ability to recognize, manage, and deal with the full range of human emotions, you’ll inevitably spin into confusion, isolation, and self-doubt. Myths and Facts about Anger Myth: I shouldn’t “hold in” my anger. It’s healthy to vent and let it out. Fact: While it’s true that suppressing and ignoring anger is unhealthy, venting is no better. Anger is not something you have to “let out” in an aggressive way in order to avoid blowing up. In fact, outbursts and tirades only fuel the fire and reinforce your anger problem. Myth: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want. Fact: True power doesn’t come from bullying others. People may be afraid of you, but they won’t respect you if you can’t control yourself or handle opposing viewpoints. Others will be more willing to listen to you and accommodate your needs if you communicate in a respectful way. Psycho-Technical Directorate Page 4 Myth: I can’t help myself.