Intimacy Educator Teaching Through Touch Caffyn Jesse erospirit iii © Caffyn Jesse, 2015, 2020 Caution The purpose of this book is to educate. The author is an educator and not a therapist. The book is not intended to give medical advice or psychological therapy. Whenever there is concern about mental or physical illness, a qualified medical professional should be consulted. Designed by Mark Hand. www.erospirit.ca iv CONTENTS List of Illustrations ................................................................ 10 Tables .................................................................................... 11 Exercises ................................................................................ 11 Preface .................................................................................. 13 Introduction .......................................................................... 15 Sexual Healing ....................................................................... 21 The three-legged stool of sexual healing ...............................................21 Learning to Choose Pleasure ...............................................................22 Empowering Choice and Voice ............................................................23 Sexual Healing through Bodywork ......................................................23 Healing our Relationship with Sexual Energy .....................................26 Accessing Full Embodiment ................................................... 29 Breath ...................................................................................................31 Sound ...................................................................................................32 Movement ............................................................................................32 Imagination ..........................................................................................33 Love .....................................................................................................34 Mindful Erotic Practice ........................................................................36 Exercises for Accessing Full Embodiment ...........................................36 Exercise 1: Prana Pump with the Pelvic Diaphragm ........................36 Exercise 2: Wand of Light ............................................................39 Exercise 3: Catch Fire ..................................................................39 Exercise 4: The Microcosmic Orbit ..................................................39 Exercise 5: Chakra Vibrations .......................................................41 Resources ..............................................................................................42 Sensual Massage .................................................................... 43 How to Touch ......................................................................................45 Sensual Massage is not Therapeutic Massage .......................................47 Preparations ..........................................................................................48 Basic Massage Strokes ..........................................................................49 Massage Ergonomics ............................................................................51 Knowing When Not to Massage ..........................................................52 Exercise 6: A Basic Massage Routine ..............................................53 Exercise 7: Breast Massage ..........................................................54 Resources ..............................................................................................56 Touching Women .................................................................. 57 Introduction .........................................................................................57 The Vulva: Anatomy ............................................................................59 Exercise 8: Vulva Mapping ..........................................................65 Resources ..............................................................................................67 Orgasm Coaching for Women ................................................ 69 Clitoral Glans Orgasm .........................................................................70 Full Clitoral Complex Orgasm(s) .........................................................71 Vaginal Orgasms ..................................................................................75 Sacred Spot Massage ............................................................................75 Squirting Orgasms ...............................................................................76 Blended Orgasms .................................................................................78 A-Spot Orgasms ..................................................................................78 Anal Orgasms .......................................................................................78 Valley Orgasms .....................................................................................79 Three Sacred Waters of Female Arousal ...............................................79 Expanded orgasms ................................................................................80 Exercise 9: Expand Orgasms with Breath .......................................80 Tips for the non-orgasmic ....................................................................82 Conclusion ...........................................................................................82 Resources ..............................................................................................83 Approaches to Vulva Touch .................................................... 85 Mindful Erotic Practice Ritual .............................................................85 Exercise 10: Erotic Ritual for Women .............................................86 Taoist Erotic Massage ..........................................................................87 Exercise 11: Taoist Erotic Massage for Women .................................88 Pelvic Opening Massage ......................................................................93 Exercise 12: Pelvic Opening Massage .............................................94 Healing Touch Meditation ...................................................................96 Exercise 13: Healing Touch Meditation ..........................................96 Standing G-Spot Massage: A 10-Step Technique .............................100 Exercise 14: Standing G-Spot Massage ........................................101 Resources ...........................................................................................103 Touching Men ..................................................................... 105 Introduction .......................................................................................105 Male Genital Anatomy .....................................................................106 Arousal and Erection ..........................................................................111 Exercise 15: Mapping the Male Genitals .......................................111 Conclusion .........................................................................................113 Resources ............................................................................................114 Orgasm Coaching for Men ................................................... 115 Basic Ejaculatory Orgasm .................................................................115 Expanded Orgasmic Sensation ...........................................................116 Separating Orgasm and Ejaculation ...................................................116 Orgasmic Events ................................................................................117 Soft Penis Orgasms ............................................................................118 Anal Orgasms .....................................................................................119 Sound Orgasms ..................................................................................120 Three Sacred Waters of Male Arousal ................................................121 Letting Go of the Agenda of Orgasm ................................................122 Resources ............................................................................................122 Approaches to Touching Penises ........................................... 123 Exercise 16: Exploring Inner Aliveness ........................................123 Create an Erotic Ritual ......................................................................124 Exercise 17: Erotic Ritual for Men ..............................................124 Taoist Erotic Massage for Men ..........................................................125 Exercise 18: Taoist Erotic Massage for Men ...................................126 Resources ............................................................................................132 Touching Gender ................................................................. 133 Challenging Gender Assumptions .....................................................133 Gender Identity, Gender Expression, Biological Sex and Who We are Attracted To ......................................................135 Working with Gender-Variant People ................................................137 Conclusion .........................................................................................140