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A PRIVATE CONVERSATION anonymous

CHRYSALIS anonymous

ON THIS RARE SUNNY DAY anonymous UNCERTAINTY anonymous

'A FABULOUS PLANET': DEMANDING QUEER STORYTELLING IN WILDLIFE DOCUMENTARIES

Flora Ocean Parkin A PRIVATE CONVERSATION

There is something thrilling about having a secret. Keeping it safe. Making sure it doesn’t slip out.

It’s mine. I can do whatever I want with it. Make it say what I decide. I am in control. I am me in my own head, and no one else knows. No one else can assume what that secret means. No one else but me can define me. I am in control. I’m private, the secret says. No one needs to know. Why should they? You are proud of who you are, and it does not concern anyone else but yourself. Who cares anyway? No one would take care of me as well as I do.

But remember? Two, three years ago. When you couldn’t seem to find anyone like you. How you longed for someone with a similar experience as yours. Remember, the many times you thought “representation really does matter”, the relief of finding people like you. The frustration of not recognising yourself completely in them. Why don’t you put yourself out there, surely someone like past you needs to hear what you went through as well. You could help them. You could add your own voice to the collective collection of identities. You could be you and help someone find out who they are.

I’m not even sure I know who I am. Maybe it’s all a lie. Maybe I convinced myself of something I am not. For attention. To fit in. To belong somewhere. Who says my secret is legitimate. If I keep it to myself, it’s not exactly a lie yet. Maybe you didn’t recognise yourself in anyone because you are not who you think you are.

Then who am I?

Isn’t it you who said only you can define who you are? Isn’t it you who said it was ok to give your own meaning to labels? If it feels right, go for it, you can always change them along the way.

I guess there is probably someone out there who asks themselves the same questions. It wouldn’t hurt to voice them out.

It can still be your secret.

anonymous CHRYSALIS

I don’t know, I don’t know. My mother looks down, She knows. How can I word The emptiness of my fear The vacuity of an imposed identity? “I am the same colour Of a sky full of hope”, I whisper. “A sky that breathes”. I raise my eyes And smile and cry.

anonymous ON THIS RARE SUNNY DAY

It is a rare sunny day. The streets are empty. No one around but me. I can Wonder and wander all I want.

I walk to the park where I sit on a bench. Usually, I wouldn’t. Instead, I would worry about how dirty it is. And she would tell me I’m exaggerating. But today, with the sun shining in my cheeks, it doesn’t matter, I watch the shiny Léopold lake. I admire the swans: white, precious, elegant; just like her fair skin. I admire the trees: red, calming, confident; just like her heart. I admire the flowers: pink, happy, social; just like her happy cheeks.

I hadn’t left my house in a while, I was lonely, anxious, scared confined, trapped, asphyxiated But today, On this rare sunny day, I admire the world around me And the emptiness of it all And how much it Oddly Reminds me of her.

The empty streets and parks, all shops and restaurants are closed- I have the whole city for myself. And despite being alone, in the big, big capital of I never felt less lonely than on this rare sunny day.

anonymous UNCERTAINTY I live a life of questions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always down to question things. Norms, Codes, Rules, Emotions, Feelings, Cultures, Religions, The world My world. There is a thrill in questioning everything and anything. Except you have to be ready to leave them unanswered. And it’s fine most of the time, It leaves room for more questions. Except when it concerns me. Except when the same questions seem to agitate my days, And nights. It’s uncomfortable. Do I fit in? Do I have to? Who am I exactly? Do I need to know who I am? Labels? They are comfortable. But which are mine? Uncomfortable. Should I live a life with no labels? Some do. But I need answers. I need to find a definition that applies to me. So I can paint over it. Make it mine. Twist it around and adopt it. Will I ever be sure? Probably not. I ask too many questions, Maybe that’s the issue. Still, I like them. They helped me discover who I am not. That, I’m sure of. anonymous 'A FABULOUS PLANET': DEMANDING QUEER STORYTELLING IN WILDLIFE DOCUMENTARIES

Nearly 50 years ago, defied the stigma of his times to call for sympathetic trans representation on national TV. In 2016, he said that if he were an animal, he’d be a leopard slug - a hermaphrodite whose intertwined, upside-down sexual acrobatics involve blue, pulsating penises the length of the slugs’ own bodies that emerge through their heads. Even more recently, Attenborough’s 2017 series Blue Planet II sensationally documented a Kobudai Wrasse changing sex (FTM) for the first time, enchanting audiences and generating headlines across the UK.

Attenborough. Babe. You are a trans ally after my heart.

So why is it that nature’s sex and gender diversity feels so absent from the peerless, mesmerising footage routinely dished out by Attenborough and co?

Why the inevitable focus on reproduction and food scarcity as plotlines in the animal queendom, when we know nature to be thrillingly, uncontainably queer? Why aren’t we given a sprinkling of gay animal sex, animal gender diversity and playful animal intimacy as a treat?

These trends resurface in Attenborough’s latest series, ‘A Perfect Planet’. Whilst packed with jaw-dropping landscape shots, mind-boggling animal survival tactics, and multi-species feeding “jamborees”, the lens through which animal behaviours are filtered is heteronormative by default. Look at this courting ritual between opposite sex animals! Look at the lengths the iguana will go to raise her child! Such difficulty for this penguin to feed their baby!

However, neatly categorising nature to conform with predominant cultural biases is nothing new in the sciences. Likewise, storytellers can often simplify the complexity of nature, as well as uncertainties in scientific interpretation, for the sake of easily-communicable narratives aimed at a non-specialist audience. Attenborough himself has been called out in this way, criticised for omitting the widespread homosexual and homosocial behaviour in animals from his narration.

Like any good queer, I love seeing gnarly fish changing sex, basking in transcendent T4T slug energy, and secretly knowing that the komodo dragons I’m watching could have changed sex in their eggs, or impregnated themselves. But explicit, positive storytelling is something different and requires the narrator to highlight queer intimacies, acknowledge varieties of behavioural interpretation, and use the power of symbolic representation to lift up marginalised narratives.

So what would I want to see in Attenborough’s next series on *ahem* the kaleidoscopic queerness of our nonhuman pals? Well, for one...

Lesbian mating rituals of monkeys! Dolphins wanking themselves off with dead eels! The pseudopenises of female heinenas! Self-impregnating lizards and sharks going it alone! Gay love and gender diversity in lions! Varied descriptions of power displays by animals known to exhibit queer behaviour! And alllllll the sex changing and hermaphrodite clownfish out there representing the queer ocean!

Then we can start planning episode two - I am not out of ideas.

We know how important storytelling and representation are to human feelings of belonging, acceptance, and empowerment. So Attenborough - this is a call to you! Let’s start documenting the hedonistically queer, non-monogamous, and truly gay stories of the natural world!

Give us the FULL spectrum of filthy, fabulous biodiversity that defines our natural world, and the queer animal stories we DESERVE! Be the leopard slug you know you are inside! Bring us Queer Nature in your drone-filmed, slow-motion, high- definition delight, and bring it to us NOW!

Flora Ocean Parkin 12-02-2021 LSESU PRIDE WEEK 2021