The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper issue 1040 www.ussu.co.uk THURSDAY 17 OCTOBER 2002 free

GUILDFORD Offer from the University to permit holders to alleviate parking problems on and off campus BOOK FESTIVAL SPECTACULAR barearts has a quick squizzy at the upcom- Parking permit surrender ing book festival and picks a couple of THE UNIVERSITY ARE offering current By Richard Watts people out to check out | page 20 car-parking permit holders the opportu- nity to hand back their parking permit in cal residents to THE ENTS PLANNER exchange for more than its face value in or- discuss the issues der to help stem the parking crisis currently of parking. There We know facing campus and the surrounding areas. have been instants in you’ll moan In the scheme, the first one hundred permit which cars thought to about some- holders to surrender their parking allocation be belonging to both thing, but will be refunded the original price of the students and staff what the permit plus 50% of the original value. This have blocked the hey...here it would mean that a student who paid £127 driveways and access is anyway | for their permit would, according to figures routes belonging to page 15 released by the University, receive £159 residents living in St compensation, whilst staff who have paid Johns Road and other £225 for the privilege will be reimbursed areas of Onslow Vil- with £282. Such students and staff would lage. The University then, according to their eligibility, be able is obviously keen to to adopt the “car-share”, occasional or vaca- remain in such resi- IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER tion permits as they so wish. dents good book’s with the development of Above: the view from Twyford Court of the playing The move comes after several limiting Manor Park imminent and much has been field opposite NatWest that has become a temporary car-park due to a lack of spaces. photo: neversleep Widening participation focus measures already taken by the University done in order to placate the locals. in the weeks since the start of the academic Over the past few weeks, barefacts has Following on from some previous articles, year. The playing field outside the bank on received several letters complaining of the INSIDE a focus on ‘WP’ and its role at the campus has already turned into a temporary current parking situation. Last week, a a request from the Director of Business University of Surrey page 4 over-flow area and other locations off-cam- student wrote: “The provision for parking Services within the University, Brian Bar- pus, such as Walnut Tree Close and the On- at this university is disgraceful and an alter- A pistol duel to settle the score nard, regarding parking in Onslow Village slow Village area in particular, are bearing native definitely has to be looked at.” They Roland Heap suggests that the best way to the brunt of many cars, much to the dismay went on to say that “the University does not the security department respond to pre- avoid war would be for George Dubya and of many local residents. care about those that have to live at home vios week’s letters that they are not doing Saddam to have a duel Comment | page 7 University have met recently with the lo- and drive in everyday.” enough to help the situation | letters

Wednesday afternoons continued More points raised on the hotest topic on the letters page we have seen so far Letters to the editor | page 8 GU2 nominated for “best student radio station” Yet more vouchers to give away FOLLOWING THE SUCCESS of barefacts By James Sheppard all received multiple nominations in several First of all we gave you Topman vouchers last week in the National Student Journalism categories. The winners of the awards will and now we’re going to give you £100 Miss Awards, GU2 1350am, the radio station of station manager for last academic year, be announced during the Student Radio Selfridge vouchers competitions | page 19 the University of Surrey, has been nominated Gaz Davies, said: “This really is a fantastic Awards ceremony held at the Great Hall, for two categories in the National Student achievement. To be nominated for ‘best Goldsmiths College on Thursday, 14th Classified ads Radio Awards 2002: best student radio student radio station’ after our first year of November. Details of the event will follow A brand new section - the classifieds for station and best speech-based programme full-time broadcasting shows the level of here as and when – good luck to GU2! you to all sell your stuff and pick up the (factual). The nominations, which were commitment and dedication on behalf of all odd bargain or two | page 25 announced at an event held at a bar located the station members.” within the London School of Economics Emma B and Kevin Greening, well-known Men’s hockey win 7-0 (really!) on Monday evening, and simultaneously at presenters from Radio One, read out the A glorious report from the first XI heralding several other venues across the country, are nominations and praised the standard of the a magnificent display of sporting bravado the culmination of years of hard work at GU2 entries received this year. Notable entrants on the artificial pitch... Sport | page 28 and represent a tremendous accomplishment this year, alongside GU2, were Leeds by the radio station’s members. Student Radio and Radio Warwick (RAW), Speaking at the nominations bash the as well as Royal Holloway (Insanity), who

INSIDE

barefacts believes: congratulations to GU2 for continuing and contributing to the achievements of USSU’s student media

GU2’s very own j-team column - the week- ly installments continue | page 23 2 NEWS 17 October 2002 Students urged to register their Tories use universities to try and vote this autumn make up ground

THE ELECTORAL COMMISSION is By Richard Watts By Richard Watts urging students to make sure they register to vote this autumn as part of its Votes Are hometown and at their university address. THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY targeted Power drive to increase public participation This year, the Electoral Commission has universities as ground on which they can in the democratic process. begun a Votes are Power campaign, including gain on Labour and continue their reform Each autumn, every civilian should register a website (www.votesarepower.com), strategy in order to be able to compete at to vote via a process called the annual a cinema advertisement, billboards and the next general election. Unveiling its canvass. All home addresses in the UK print advertising. It follows on from the agenda for educational reform at the party receive a form through their door, which highly successful spring campaign. The conference in Bournemouth last week, the must then be filled in by those resident there Commission is particularly concerned that shadow education secretary, Damian Green, in order for them to be registered to vote. It younger people and ethnic minorities have said that the party had failed to make as is illegal not to return the annual canvass (or significantly lower tan average registration much of education and other public services supply false information) though some 1.4 and voting rates and the campaign includes as it could have done and that lessons had million voters each year lose their right to dedicated elements within it to target these been learnt from this. vote despite this. sectors. The Chairman of the Electoral Speaking to the Times Higher Education Students are among the groups least Commission, Sam Younger, said: “If you are Supplement, Mr Green said: “I completely for the Government’s higher education likely to be registered to vote, largely due not registered then you cannot vote. Though reject the idea that the public services, such strategy to be released - which is expected to frequent house moves and the fact they politics and politicians may sometimes seem as education, are a ‘Labour issue’. They in November. live in university halls. In addition, many distant or beyond your influence, voting can matter to people, so they are absolutely a The shadow education secretary said he had students are unaware that they can register make a difference.” Conservative issue.” “grave concerns” about the Government’s to vote for local elections in both their Keep a look-out for student elections soon. The matter of education was a high higher education policy, including its widely priority for the Conservative’s during the known 50% target and that this was a matter conference and was the first subject matter for consideration when making policy of the week to be debated at Bournemouth. decisions. A notice from the University regarding In his speech, Mr Green announced six He welcomed the principle of increasing new policies, focusing his attention and the proportion of students from different parking in Onslow village the party’s attention in particular on higher backgrounds, but questioned whether education. No policy has been set yet, universities should be responsible for this however, because the party is waiting or schools. A request from the Director of Business Support Services

WITH THE COMPETITION for parking By Brian Barnard spaces on campus some students are parking in the roads around the campus. Provided a relations with the local community and car has a valid tax disc and has been parked would not try to dissuade local residents with consideration for other road users from calling the Police. Even where the there is nothing illegal in this. However, the Police are not involved, if there are any University is receiving numerous complaints flagrant cases where our neighbours have from local residents (especially in Onslow been caused unacceptable annoyance and Village) about parking by students which is inconvenience, the offenders could well be thoroughly inconsiderate, such as parking liable to a fine under University Regulations across driveways or boxing in residents’ for “behaviour which is generally prejudicial cars. Another problem is cars parked on both to the University”. sides of the narrow roads in Onslow Village All students and other members of the that have resulted in instances of residents University are therefore earnestly requested and other users being unable to pass. to avoid parking in local residential streets if Local residents are within their rights to they can, and if there is no alternative, then to summon the Police to have all offending park with consideration for the University’s vehicles booked for obstruction or towed neighbours and other road users. away. The University values having good More in next week’s barefacts on this... 17 October 2002 NEWS 3 Parking problems result in call-back of scratchcards and permits The e-mail sent out to all members of staff regarding the ‘offer’ from the University regarding a “buy-back” scheme

THE FOLLOWING IS an edited version of the e-mail occasional or vacation permit according to their eligibility. share a lift home with their group. (This guarantee is limited circulated to all staff of the university offering them the 2. Scratchcard Refunds: All scratchcards (Occasional to taxi journeys beginning not later than the time the Library option of giving up their parking permit in return for cash Permits) can be offered back to the Cashiers Office for a closes in the evening). Cars with car-share permits have a incentives, in the hope that this might alleviate some of the 50% premium until Friday 1 November. In other words, guaranteed parking space until 1300 every weekday. currentparking problems on campus. scratchcards originally issued to staff will be bought back at 5. Withdrawal of Tokens: It has been decided to end the “The first few weeks of the academic year always see car £2.25 each and those originally issued to students at £1.50 tokens scheme (except for booking spaces in Car Park 4a) at parking problems, but the pressure on the car parks and the each. the end of this month. This is sooner than suggested in my frustration for drivers have been greater than usual this year. 3. Scratchcard Issues: Occasional Permits, or scratchcards, circular of 4 October and is necessary in order to get on top Analysis of the data so far points to a number of reasons, as the name implies are not intended for use over long of the current parking problems. The ticket machines will but the most significant appear to be related to a larger periods of consecutive days, nor are they transferable from be modified and the last day on which they will still accept number of tokens/scratchcards being in circulation than the person or vehicle to which they are registered. Checks tokens will be Friday 1 November. Schools and Departments may be strictly necessary and to a number of members of are now being carried out in the car parks by Security to will be able to exchange their visitors tokens for visitors the University (particularly certain categories of student) ascertain whether the system is being abused and offenders scratchcards until further notice.” acquiring annual permits who were assumed to be ineligible will be dealt with under the Traffic Regulations. In the for them by reason of their address. meantime, as a temporary measure to restrict the number of “The proliferation of tokens and scratchcards is a scratchcards in circulation until the present parking situation temporary situation which left unattended would sort itself is back to normal, Occasional Permits are being issued in out eventually - but not soon enough. The issue of annual books of 10 only and only if at least 10 working days have permits to those whose entitlement is debatable is another elapsed since the previous issue (6 weeks if the previous matter. In order to reduce the present parking problems to a issue was a book of 30). One of the conditions of use is more manageable level as quickly as possible the following that the vehicle registration number must be entered on measures are being introduced: the scratchcards, and this is now required to be done in the presence of the Cashiers staff at the time of issue. 1. Special Offer for Permit Refunds: All annual permits at 4. Car-Share Permits: Members of the University may not this stage of the year have a surrender value. As a special have realised yet that, as well as the price of a car-share offer, the first 100 holders of annual permits (whether permit being held this year again at its 1999-00 price (£75.60 students or staff) who surrender them to the Cashiers Office or £7 per month), the rules on who can form a recognised up to Friday 1 November will receive an extra 50% of the “group” have been relaxed. Now any combination of staff surrender value. For students who paid £127 the refund will and students can form themselves into a car-share group be £159. Staff who paid £225 in a lump sum will receive provided at least two of them are car-users who normally £282 (the ‘low’ equivalent being £188). Those paying by travel in from outside the exclusion zone. Also new this year instalments will have their future payments stopped and will is that every member of a car-share group can now make receive £94 (‘low’ equivalent £63). Anyone who surrenders up to six claims in a year for a refund of the taxi fare home, their annual permit under this scheme can buy a car-share, in order to cover those occasions when it is not possible to

Surrey County Council faces Government funding cuts of £60m

By Richard Watts

THOUGH OFTEN CONSIDERED the most affluent area in the country, Surrey and its County Council may yet be struggling Wednesday 30th October with financial difficulties. According to the “Surrey Matters” newsletter, the Council is worried that Government proposals for the Come and visit The Times stand situated in the withdrawal of central funding from Surrey Student Union foyer and receive your essential could harm essential services in and around the area and that this could mean 20% student goody bag. council tax rises in the future to recompense the shortfall. “If these proposed changes to the way in which councils are funded go The team will be there from 10am through to 5pm, so come ahead,” says the leading comment of the publication, “then hundreds of millions along for your free Times newspaper and vouchers, chocolate, could be trenasferred from the south east CD and other great goodies!! to other councils, primarily in teh north and midlands.” The supposed impact of this would be a shortfall of up to £60m in The handout, primarily passed to people the Surrey budget. It goes on to claim that as they commute to work via Waterloo train Surrey already has “the lowest Government station, outlines some of the cuts that would grant per head of any county in the UK” have to be made: a cut of £60m would “wipe and “the highest costs of any county outside out the entire network of 52 libraries, youth Not to be missed!! London.” service, adult education, music and support” Nick Skellet, the leader of the County as well as affect the support of vulnerable Council, writes in a comment that he children, hospitals and the bus services and finds the possible withdrawal of funding roads. “completely unacceptable” and urges people If you would like to know more about the to “take the time to contact me [sic] and let matter, then visit www.surrey.cc.gov.uk, or me [sic] know what you think.” phone 08456 009 009. 4 WP 17 October 2002 17 October 2002 WP 5 6 COMMENT 17 October 2002

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION WWW.USSU.CO.UK This parking business is starting to get a little bit silly It has always been a bit of a problem - too efficient means of transportation when the many cars, not enough parking spaces and alternative is so poor? one hell of a rush to buy parking permits. The current situation is London typifies that We have now reached the situation where a) in many parts of the country - introduce cars are having to park on the field outside road tolls to put people off entering certain the bank on campus and b) refunds are being areas by car and get them to travel by public offered to those willing to give up their transport instead; but people are not willing parking permits for the year; both measures to do it because public transport is rubbish. obviously designed to alleviate the pressure Would you stand outside in the rain for of the stated problem. twenety minutes for a late bus, then hop That people have continued to park in and on a delayed tube-train, only to be told that around Onslow village is understandable tomorrow you cannot do this because of a - to try and get to work in the morning tube strike? barefacts thinks not. using public transport is at best tolerable The only suggestion is this: that security and at worst a nightmare. The problem relax a little on their clamp-happy tendancies lies therein: why should people surrender and try to help this situation sort itself out as a perfectly reasonable and relatively time soon as possible. GU2 keep their side of the bargain We find ourselves once again in the position awards, then it is that man. of a congratulatory pat on the back for, well, But we must also remember that those us. GU2 has followed where barefacts dared achievements we keep mentioning (and will to tread last week and has gone and got itself continue to mention) could only have been nominated in two categories at the Natioanl realised with the involvement of everybody Student Radio Awards. else - the technicians, the presenters - the There are a coule of things worth men- people who set up the station in the first tioning here: firstly, the words “fantastic place. These nominations (and thus the achievement” keep resonating around the possibility of later success) is a nod in the Medai Centre here and that, in all fairness, direction of all who have contributed. is no exaggeration, because you have to re- Now that the media of the University of member that last year was the first time GU2 Surrey, and in particular the Students’ Un- had been broadcasting as a full-time radio ion, is being recognised at a national level, station. Gone were the days of five hours we have yet another reason to be proud of a day programming and heavy reliance on the University we attend and the services it other networks - it was all done of GU2’s provides: national nominations hold a lot of own back. kudos, you know, when you go back home Secondly, the people that run GU2 are stu- to your mates. dents - they give up a tremendous amount To keep things as good as they are, though, of time and are some of the most dedicated you need to get involved - things like this folks you could ever see involved in a socie- do not just come out of thin air. If you have Unintentional [?] blanking ty. Last year’s station manager, Gaz Davies, something to say, the opportunity is there to exemplified this work ethic and, if anyone say it. We just happen to be bloody brilliant PICTURE THIS; YOU’RE So what can you do? I for is deserving of plaudits regarding these at doing so. wandering around campus either STEWART FUDGE one tend to just walk on, with your head in the clouds or dwell on it for a bit and keep Perhaps we should call it Manor Fark deep in conversation with your I’m just a shy, my eye out for that person so mates. Looking everywhere, blinkered individual as to make sure I say “Hi” yet looking nowhere. You walk to them next time our paths It is a little bit off topic, but still worthy of a word or two...originally, the development over that probably thinks past random, solitary characters cross. But surely this cannot by the Varsity Centre was known as Manor Farm - a not too great a leap of the imagination too much and groups of people, looking at be the best way. given that the bit of land on which the development will take place is called, well, Manor all of them but noticing none of them. Then, An addition, what are you supposed to do Farm. wait; “Was that who I thought it was? That when you see someone that you have been It was then decided, however, that Manor Farm was a bit too emotive for a name - images person I know but don’t really know?… briefly introduced to or that you know of of hard-done by farmers getting up early to milk the cows and the such-like perhaps being a Yeah, that must have been why they raised and are sure they know of you? Do you little too detreimental when considering the Borough Council and all that. And so the switch their eyebrows in acknowledgement/smiled keep your head down? Pretend to look was made to Manor Park and pretty much everyone did not have a clue; thus, some call it at me, and what did I do? Blanked them. everywhere else but in their direction? Manor Farm and some call it Manor Park. (Of course, the mental institutes that is referred to Now in the vast majority of times I “blank” Start/involve yourself in any conversation in 1984 is called Manor Park, but let us not mention that one just in case...). people, I subsequently fret about how rude whatsoever with the mates you’re walking The logical solution to this problem, therefore, is to create a hybrid of Park and Farm to give I’ve just been and think about how I hate with (if you have that option)? Now I don’t us (drum roll please) Manor Fark. It has a certain ring to it, don’t you think? people doing it to me, but what can you do? really know where I’m going with this so I’ll You could I suppose, stop, turn round and retire, hopefully in the knowledge that I have shout after the person “Sorry for seemingly placed a seed of thought in your mind. But being an arrogant pretentious idiot, I was before I go, I’d like to take this opportunity HOUGHT FOR THE WEEK just deep in thought/conversation!!!” at to apologise to anyone I “blank” or have T which point they would probably think to “blanked”, I’m not being rude, “up myself” “The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.” themselves “lunatic”, put their head down or “full of it”, I’m just a shy, blinkered FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE (1844 - 1900), EXISTENTIALIST PHILOSOPHER and pick up their pace. individual that probably thinks too much 17 October 2002 COMMENT 7 The latest bomb to flatten the headlines - the Bali attack

I’M WRITING THIS on Monday the 14th. Also here I get the first aviation industries would be The opposing page whisks us away I’ve got my copy of the Guardian in front mention of the politics, the his. Page 7 contains what I to the Middle East, with a text on the of me and it’s a total whitewash. Page reverberations in the Tourism had been expecting when I rising tension between the Jews and one leads with the main facts about the and PR world of it all. Page first heard of the blast, the Muslims among the olive groves as Bali bomb blast, and an accompanying 5 goes further, concentrating American angle on it all, harvest beckons. And as if these weren’t article talks of the cooperation and help on the suspicion that Islamist which inevitably considers enough areas of tension and conflict in that was instantly given by everyone who militants are responsible. the Bali attack as part of the world, the page is completed with a was unlucky enough to be near the bomb Of course they are quick a global attack on Western short article on the continuing fighting blast area, but lucky enough to be in one to suggest indirect links targets, and uses it to launch in Daloa, Ivory Coast. The International PHILIP HOWARD piece. And apparently being in one piece between al-Qaida and the into an article about recent news continues to recount the mires of was a term to be taken literally in Bali suspected group, the Jemaah twists in the Iraq/al-Qaida this ill at ease world, with article on the on Sunday. As I turn to pages 2 and 3 Islamiyah. As I reach to turn All in all an interesting debate. invalidation of the Serbian presidential I’m shown maps of the area, photos of the page I am still numb read, I would say. It’s a And so it is only on Page elections by non-voting, another small the carnage and a double page spread to the learndirect and BT good job Prada didn’t buy 8 of a 24 page paper that revelation about the Cold War and more that recounts the experiences of those adverts. any more advert space. we finally get down to the on the Finnish bomb that was triggered involved who lived to tell the tale. Oddly At page 6 I am a quarter really important issues, of on Friday. the Prada advert for a posh handbag loses of the way through the paper, and being how celebrity weddings are upping the In the remainder of The Guardian are any appeal, a capitalist advert among told of the impact of the loss of trust on national nuptial rate. Give me strength. comments and analysis relating to the the prevalent pain. Moving ahead, on the economy with a short history of the Page 14 heralds the International news, blast, and some more ‘doom cometh’ page 4 I am told of the other side of the island’s rise and rise in the tourist charts and we return to the US-sympathetic opinions are made public. All in all an pain, that of those poor relatives, unsure since the 70s. It is followed by a short stance as we are told of the Americans’ interesting read, wouldn’t you say? It’s and anxious, and of the heavy sports text on the comments of the Foreign continued search for its mystery serial a good thing Prada didn’t buy any more weighting of the victims’ demographic. office, and how our own tourism and killer, apparently still largely fruitless. advert space.

Choose your battle... in

WE ARE HELPLESS. There is ancient China, personal arguments your chance to win £100 Miss Selfridge nothing we can do. Minions crushed ROLAND HEAP were settled by the opposing vouchers | page 19 by huge ball, accelerating downhill. parties battling each other at chess. Best not think. Other side of world, Slow motion: they turn, Unfortunately this is a solution that safe and stupid. the shots sound as one the US would never agree to; if the Comb sand from hair. Breathe, and in perfect unison they president’s chess skills are anywhere deep. Force open cracking eyelids. fall to the ground...silence near as poor as his grasp of the WE ARE NOT DEAD YET. As English language he wouldn’t stand a nation, we lumber to war, scared author’s opinion that such a battle a chance. As he is a prominent gun to resist, thoughts of powerlessness could be of the greatest benefit to lobbyist, one would expect the duel paralyse. Sun headline: ‘BUSH IS humankind. This is quite clearly idea to be the perfect solution, his RIGHT. WAR IS RIGHT.’ Nod in a personal disagreement; the US weapon of choice. dumb agreement. Consume with stubbornly refuses to accept the Iraqi So the scene is set. Dawn, heightened fervour. Head back concessions, gears up for war despite Switzerland. The world’s media look under. cries for peace from around the on as UN secretary general, Kofi So we attack Iraq - a nation world, denounces pacifists as anti- Annan, walks out with a red velvet crippled by years of sanctions, at American. Bush is blindly following cushion. On it, a pair of duelling least 500,000 dead. Our goal: to the path his father trod, attempting pistols, glinting in the morning light. control the oilfields; our excuse: to succeed where daddy failed. The presidents, dressed in full state Do you want there to be somebody who to rid the world of a bad man and This Quixotic fool is at least as regalia, begin. Standing back to back, will always listen? his terrifying imaginary weapons. dangerous as the foes he describes. they are handed a weapon each, and Bad man responds by chucking begin the twenty pace march. One, A personal feud should be settled Do you want to help others? anything he has towards Israel, the on a personal level, and what better two… The crowd falls silent. Seven, only hostile country within range of way than a traditional duel. Resolve eight… Across the world, two billion what little he has left. Israel, as it has your grievances like gentlemen, eyes are locked on a billion screens. Do you want to get accreditation for doing openly promised, and with backing gentlemen. The largest media event the world something worthwile through the DAVE from the US, responds with nuclear Of course, there are non–violent has seen. All advertising revenue project? missiles. The surrounding Arab and means of settling such disputes. In donated towards eliminating poverty Muslim states fight back. America, worldwide. Twelve, thirteen… The with its phenomenal arsenal of pair step, perfectly in time, focussed Could you give up a night every now and Weapons of Mass Destruction, with all their might on the job in then? joins in. Armageddon commences, hand, fingers twitching by their initial casualties stretch to millions, holsters. Eighteen, nineteen… The Nightline offers information and a the ultimate expenditure probably tension is unbearable. Twenty. Slow listening service as well as a drop in billions. The wind blows. motion, strobe, they turn, the shots A novel suggestion to avert such a sound as one, and in perfect unison center to this uni during the times where catastrophe was put forward, albeit both fall to the ground, dead. everything else is closed. BUT we can only with tongue firmly in cheek, by the Silence. function with enough volunteers. Iraqi leaders. A duel was suggested. Then, a cheer, as loud as the A duel, in traditional style, between megatons of bombs prevented, as not only Saddam and Bush, but deafening as the roar of the holocaust If you are interested in becoming also their defence secretaries and averted. The dispute is settled, the a “Nightliner” please e-mail us at foreign ministers. Of course, this only casualties guilty statesmen, and was brushed aside by the Bush the world breathes a communal sigh [email protected] administration as a joke, but it is the of relief. 8 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 17 October 2002

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: [email protected] Should we keep Wednesday afternoons free? The debate continues Dear barefacts, who loses out from this situation (I can see is not the only sport that would suffer from sport at surrey and Wednesday afternoons me being popular for this remark!!) starting later. play a key role in this. Surely there can I am writing in response to the letter It needs to be appreciated that it does not Wednesday afternoons provide a chance to be no ‘teamwork and leadership’ course published in the October 3rd issue regarding take an hour or so to play most sports. If play BUSA games against other universities. that can provide you with the kind of sports on Wednesday afternoons. I too have you are going to be professional, a skill BUSA is a very prestigious competition for experiences you learn on the playing field. a very lecture intensive course (Mech. Eng.) that employers look for I believe, then you a student to play in and I for one was very It is also essential to have interests outside but I do not agree with a number of points need to arrive at your game punctually, give proud to captain my team in the BUSA of your chosen career and playing sport can raised in the issue. yourself time to get changed and warm up competition we played over the winter. I too for many provide a main hobby and a vital I assume that the author does not play a etc. If a side has to travel some distance to a have had some small clashes with tutorials source of exercise (not something you get sport at Surrey, which is fine, and if you game, which is quite feasible, then it would held on Wednesday afternoons. Before from sitting in lecture theatres or at your do then please forgive me. Having been in be wise to leave early. Now if your match going any further, I would like to say that desk from 9 to 5). charge of the cricket club last year I feel that starts at 2 PM, which is generously late, and my course is quite good on a Wednesday as I hope that I have clarified a few issues I can provide some insight into difficulties it takes an hour and a half to get there. You I have very few tutorials which are usually regarding the feelings of sports players at with lectures and sports on Wednesday. would want to turn up at least half an hour finished by 11. However, I for one would not Surrey. Whilst an education is of the up Whilst I do appreciate that it is a logistical before the start meaning you leave at 12. be willing to miss my game, or be late as a most importance, you cannot learn how to nightmare to provide the timetables at If your lecture/ tutorial finishes at 11 that result of being at a tutorial. I am in no way be a well rounded individual from a book. surrey, I found myself with a number of leaves you an hour to eat, grab your kit and condoning skipping tutorials but if this is This is a very important topic to a number hours in my second year which fell between meet the transport. If you also happen to live the only way that I can play the sport which of students and I can see that this will not be lectures. Surely this time can be better used? off campus it may well be a 1-hour round I am committed to then so be it! I would the end of the discussion. I also feel that Wednesday afternoons may trip to get your stuff and meet at the Varsity like to think that a majority of sports teams be left free for sports people but what is or wherever. What a compete palaver! feel this way and I’m sure that prospective Yours, to stop you using this time for coursework My sport takes a considerable time to play, employers would appreciate personnel who or reading? In fact would it not be simpler if we have a 1pm start we will not finish are committed to what they believe in and TIM GOODMAN to remove Wednesday from the timetable until at least 7 but more likely 8 so a 4pm enjoy (whilst I am aware that they would not FORMER CRICKET CAPTAIN, CHAIRMAN AND altogether? This would allow people to work start would not work as it is not possible to appreciate absenteeism). USSU BAR SUPERVISOR part time or study or play sport. I don’t see play cricket in the dark! I am sure that this I believe that it is essential to maintain

Library’s response to facilities criticism Security “doing what they can”

Dear barefacts, to look at the feasibility of providing Dear Editor, e-books and we have already purchased I would like to take the opportunity through over 100 textbooks in this format. I am writing in reply to a letter in the 10th October edition “Parking Woes revisited”, part your columns to respond to the article by These are in addition to printed books of which is factually incorrect, since the 9th September, 2002 we have clamped 70 vehicles Susie Jenkins in last week’s edition about and offer greater access. for failing to display a valid permit or day ticket in the car parks, we have also clamped 3 books in the University Library. • We are developing reading list software vehicles for inconsiderate parking. I appreciate the writer may be unhappy with parking but I am sorry that Susie has been unable to to help us purchase the appropriate please do not try and take it out on us we are doing all we can to alleviate the position. find up-to-date textbooks in the Library numbers of books for each course. for her course. The Library works closely • We have been working with the Alumni Yours, with Schools and Departments to ensure Office on a book donation programme. that reading list material is available for This is in its very early stages but TONY WATLING loan and reference. Our aim is to purchase already over 90 alumni have indicated UNIVERSITY SECURITY ADVISER at least one copy of everything that is that they are interested in donating recommended by academic staff, and often money for the purchase of books for we buy many more. Copies are placed in today’s students. some or all of our short loan, seven-day • As Susie suggests, the Library already loan, normal loan, or reference collections to sells off old or superseded books to a allow students the maximum opportunity to book dealer and the money raised is use them. Textbooks in heavy demand are used to buy more copies of up-to-date often moved into the short loan collection to books. maximise availability. Library staff are always very glad to receive I hope Susie would agree that it would be comments from our users: all Schools have impossible for the Library to purchase a Boards of Studies which invite student copy of every recommended text for every participation, the Library Users Forum has student on every course in the University. student membership, and there are feedback All University departments recommend that forms in the Library and on our website for certain essential books are purchased by comments. Each School has a Library rep. students, and the Bookshop normally stocks and the Library has a Liaison Librarian these. The Library stocks copies of these, service in which a member of Library staff and also buys books that are recommended works with each School to ensure students for background reading and which students receive information skills training and that would not be expected to purchase. we are responsive to the changing needs of In her piece, Susie’s makes three helpful students. Any student is welcome to contact suggestions about how to improve the their Liaison Librarian or me to discuss provision of books, each of which we will be issues of concern. considering carefully. The Library has also been working hard on some other ideas: Yours sincerely, • We have undertaken a project (with ROBERT HALL special funding from the University) HEAD OF LIBRARY SERVICES 17 October 2002 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 9 I do not think it is cool to be politically incorrect People do not I would like to offer my author my deepest sympathies because he is a heterosexual white male have a different

Dear Editor, view on an issue I am writing in response to Gary Bewick’s article (Discrimination believe this happens? Would they not be equally, if not more scared simply because against the majority, barefacts issue 1036, 19th September) and of being sued by the better qualified and suitable candidate who would like to offer him my sincerest sympathy. Oh how hard life didn’t get the job because they weren’t from a minority? is as a white heterosexual male. He must feel absolutely gutted at Mr Bewick’s ramblings about American Airlines are equally they are gay the fact that he is much less likely to be pulled over by the police in nonsensical. From what I can make of what he says he believes “random” stop and searches simply because he is white. I am also American Airlines were not wrong to prevent young Arab males Dear barefacts, very sympathetic to the frustration he must feel knowing that on from boarding planes. What he is condoning is racism pure and average his salary will be 18% higher than a woman’s doing exactly simple. Similarly he argues that anti-sexual harassment policies are Whilst sitting in the beer garden at the Elm the same job as him. Not to mention the fear of knowing that he unfair. Tree the other night, I was approached by won’t get beaten up by thugs “’cos he woz a poof!” or that he won’t The worst thing is that Mr Bewick seems to be proud of such someone from the LGB and asked to write be barred from serving his country in the armed forces should he politically incorrect attitudes. Well, let’s see these attitudes for what an article for Barefacts. “Why?” I asked. choose to. Oh how my heart bleeds! they really are: PREJUDICED. Still proud of them now? “I want to submit an article on something But let me be serious for a minute. Mr Bewick seems to be suffering from a lesbian’s perspective” was the reply. from acute paranoia. His arguments simply do not hold water. He Sincerely yours, I agreed, partly because I was put on the claims employers may employ unsuitable candidates from minorities spot, and partly because I had had a drink for fear of being sued by them. Does he really NAME AND ADDRESS SUPPLIED or two, but I was slightly taken aback by the challenge for two reasons. Firstly, there isn’t a single topic in the world about which I have a “lesbian perspective”. To suggest such a thing exists is naive and Instead of criticising, why not include helpful advice in articles? misinformed. Lesbianism is not a school of thought, it is merely a sexual orientation. A response to last week’s article entitled “How NOT to get attacked in the Tescos underpass Secondly, the request itself made me feel as though my sexuality is my only Dear Ms Borneo, In response, Ms Borneo writes characteristic. This I find odd, as labeling is Dear Mr Alom, very much frowned upon in today’s society, In response to your article entitled “how not yet for the past few months it has been to get attacked in the Tesco underpass: Thanks for the input. I do appreciate that it’s not always easy to find people to walk with if happening everywhere. For instance, Rhona 1. It is not always possible to find a group you’re on an unplanned night out. And you’re not invincible when you’re in a group. But you Cameron’s presence on “ I’m a Celebrity...” of people to walk home with, and does not have to admit that the chances of a girl being raped when she’s with a group are massively was completely ignored. The fact that a guarantee your safety either against a mob reduced, and a mugger would think twice. The only report in the last year of a group being lesbian was in the jungle, however, was of juvenile delinquents. terrorized was an exception, the attacker was drunk and apparently delirious. This is, as I picked up by all the media. The number 2. There are no buses that run to the said, not the usual scenario and a group is definitely the safer option. of times I heard “lesbian in the jungle” Aldershot road area for those of us that take I’m always a little confused by people who say they had no one to walk home with after a when I switched on my television or radio the other dodgy underpass to Southway. night out. I don’t want to be insensitive to people who’ve been through such an ordeal, but was absurd, and completely stripped the 3. Rape alarms are a bit useless when there every time I’ve ever been out, my friends and I always arranged beforehand where we were comedienne of her identity. are no houses nearby and your surrounded going to stay and how we were going to get there. We would never have dreamed of walking It would appear therefore, that my choice of by the A3, railtracks, and trees. And even home alone. I don’t think it’s particularly difficult to arrange, I just wish people took the time partner completely out shadows every other then the chance of anybody coming to aid to sort that out before winding up alone at 2am. aspect of my multi-faceted (and some say you is remote. (You’ve a better chance if you The attack alarm point is often brought up. I still maintain that an attacker, who’s already bizarre) personality. If I must be classified, shout “Fire!” according to that psychology quite nervous, is going to be disorientated by the alarm and that extra few seconds can buy a call me Welsh, call me a rugby enthusiast, bloke on ‘This Morning’) girl the chance to get up and run screaming blue murder. Surely some deterrent is better than call me funny (because I am!). A person is Rather than criticising people for not taking none? Even if you use it to smack some one in the face, it’s not completely useless. made up of many different characteristics, care in the bulk of your article then attaching Finally, I apologise for the tone of my article. I had already written an advice-type one a and I don’t feel the need to classify my some ‘helpful’ advice on at the end, in the couple of weeks beforehand and I found it really frustrating when Tony Watling told me the friends according to sexual preference. So if form of Ps notes, why don’t you do the news about the attack at the weekend. I was busy and very tired. What can I say? you only see my sexuality, in my view, you reverse? don’t see me. Yours sincerely, Yours, Yours, TONI BORNEO BADRUL ALOM VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION & WELFARE SARAH WALTERS

barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is Do you have a complaint against published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. this newspaper? If you have a complaint about any item in this The views expressed within the paper are those of individual newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment, 2002 - 2003 authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the it. University of Surrey. If you remain dissatisfied please contact the editor in chief | richard watts This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, Press Complaints Commission - an independant stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express organisation established to uphold an editorial Code permission of the publisher beforehand. of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide All submissions must include the author’s name and Union editor | position vacant position vacant | art editor by their decision. deputy editor | position vacant position vacant | sports editor or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication. news editor | position vacant position vacant | lifestyle editor Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. Press Complaints Commission music editor | alex read + simon robinson position vacant | features editor 1 Salisbury Square barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. London EC4Y 8JB film editor | stewart fudge + jolyon hunter chris hunter + mike chang | photography Telephone: 020 7353 1248 theatre editor | sara li + rachael bemrose position vacant | literature editor [email protected] Facsimile: 020 7353 8351

WWW.USSU.CO.UK If you are interested in a position on the editorial team or writing for barefacts, please come along to the Printed by South West Wales Publications Adelaide Street, Swansea editorial meeting | thursday | 5pm | in the media centre | e-mail [email protected] © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2002 Tel: 01792 510000 10 UNION 17 October 2002 Money: the love [and oney focus] of all of our lives... atters Hiya. I think this week is going anything else to help you M to be about Money. Money’s with. I don’t think many other great. But it’s also a real places give you the chance to ARE YOU GETTING A BIT nuisance. You have to make present your case in person, sure you’ve got enough and so I find the whole thing quite TIGHT FOR MONEY? do maths in your head every pleasing. time you buy something so So if you are at your wits’ end, Are you thinking about getting a job? Then read on... Many students at UniS decide to look for part-time work in order to supplement their you don’t get too close to your TONI BORNEO trying to make ends meet, overdraft limit. I’m guessing scrimping on food and basic student loans and this is generally a very good idea. However, take care not to commit to VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION too many hours of work that will adversely affect your studies. that at Surrey we have a fairly AND WELFARE need type things, there may wide cross section of financial be something the University As a guide, most students can manage to fit in about 10 hours a week of paid work situations, some great budgeters and some can do about it. But be warned now – they’ll BUT pretty dire ones. Some people will have very find out if you try your chances with a less don’t forget if you are very hard up and in your final year or have any special needs or handy parents and some may have none at than genuine case. And actually, to try to rip problems then you are a priority for help from the university hardship funds, abut which all. The issue a few students is facing is: them off is a really mean thing to do because you can talk to us at SAIS. “Am I eligible for a hardship grant or loan?” that money could be the difference between If you do get a job, don’t forget to choose a job that will fit in around your lectures and I couldn’t tell you, to be honest, because the having a degree and not having one to other tutorial times. eligibility criterion for each kind of fund still people. If you are a bit rubbish at budgeting, There are several jobs available around campus and town – the Job Shop in the students’ confuses me. but not eligible for help, you might want to Union will be able to help you out and give you some ideas about local employers. There Student Advice (Wey Flat, Surrey Court) ask advice about keeping control of your is also a website www.activate.co.uk that is run in conjunction with the NUS that could be would be able to tell you, after a thorough purse strings at SAIS. Or – come visit the useful. and very friendly chat about your situation. Jobshop at the Union and sort out a bit of If you want any more information then feel free to drop by and see us: This University is quite unusual, I’ve pocket money with a weekend job, studies- discovered, in that they actually take the allowing of course. I find the best thing to Student Advice& Information Service (SAIS): Wey Flat 2 | Surrey Court time to check out your general state of do when I’m trying to save is to keep as far t: [68]9261 | e: [email protected] wellbeing at the same time to see if there’s away from TopShop as possible.

University of Surery Students’ Union [belatedly] welcomes new staff to the Union Some of the faces and histories behind the familiar names of the student services department

The Union is pleased to belatedly introduce two new members of staff who have joined the be contacted via email ([email protected]) or on extension #3254. non-commercial services strand of Union personnel. Alli Cummings and Scott Farmer have Scott Farmer has primarily focused on the Union’s training strategy and personal skills been with the Union now for about four months and have been working hard to develop the development programmes. He joined the Union from the voluntary youth service in the Volunteering, DAVE and ID porjects taht have all been launched. South Gloucestershire area of Greater Bristol. This follows a year as the Vice President Alli Cummings joined the Students Union on 15th July as Student Support Facilitator. Academic Affairs Officer and then President of the University of West England Students’ However due to internal restructuring, her role has been developed in Student Support & Union between 1998 and 2000. Outreach Coordinator and will now be responsible for community volunteering, the Unions’ Scott was also a member of the NUS Higher Education widening participation interests and offering support to the VP of Education & Welfare and Committee between 1998-2000, a NUS Services Ltd. board the Marketing & Communications Manager. director during 1999 and a South West area NUS project officer Alli has a BA (Hons) in Criminology and for the last two for the academic year 2000-01. years has been working as a trainee financial adviser and brings Scott brings to the Union a range of skills and experience and administration and research skills to the Students Union. is based in the Students’ Union. If you would like to know more Having been a student at the University of Lincolnshire, where about DAVE or ID – he’s you man. she studied her Criminology degree, Alli has developed and There are many other new faces around the Union, including harnessed her strong interest in the higher education sector and Alison on reception – a profile of her and the others will be in recognises, through her own experiences, the benefit to students of barefacts in the coming weeks, as will details of the folks that a diverse and efficient volunteering system, enabling the students have moved on to new pastures... to further themselves and enhance their CV’s. Alli is based in refurbished area of the Students’ Union and can NOTICES Photosoc AGM 17th October 6pm TB 1

Afro-Caribbean Society AGM 17th October 6.15pm LT A

Pakistan Student Association AGM 23rd October 7pm Quiet Centre

Physoc 24th October 1pm Jackson Room AC 5th Floor

Gamesoc AGM 24th October 7pm LT B

Stage Crew EGM 6pm HRB

EARS AGM 30th October 1pm 32AA21

Ballroom Dancing AGM 7.45pm University Hall

Cathsoc Sunday 27th 5.15pm (after Mass) Quiet centre

**Societies Standing 21st October 6pm LT F** Please note change of venue 17 October 2002 PROFESSIONAL PAGE 11 You have a lot more to This weeks careers & skills talks SUCCESSFUL INTERVIEWS EMPLOYER PRESENTATIONS MONDAY 21 OCTOBER | 1pm | LT F offer than you realise Russ Clark will talk you through a typical interview MOD* and provide hints on answering both common and MONDAY 21 OCTOBER | 6pm | OAK SUITE 1 I once interviewed a student in Of course, if you’ve also unusual questions. An opportunity to find out about engineering and London who said he couldn’t done a Professional Year you’d science training schemes as well as openings in HR, PERSONALITY & CAREER CHOICE commerce, finance, IT, logistics, policy and general think of anything to put on his probably want to devote a lot TUESDAY 22 OCTOBER 6pm | LT B administration. application forms. To open up of your answer to describing This workshop is a repeat for those unable to attend the discussion, I rather casually that instead. But you would on 18 September. Based on the Myers Briggs Type RAF INTERVIEWS indicator it will help you relate various aspects of your asked him what he had done still benefit by applying the THURSDAY 24 OCTOBER personality to your future career. Please register with Please make an appointment in the Careers Service. that weekend. His answer same kind of analysis. The Careers by 17 October. wasn’t quite what I had been trick is to try to relate what PARKMAN LTD* expecting. He said he had spent you have done to the likely HOW TO SURVIVE THE INTERVIEW THURSDAY 24 OCTOBER | 6.15pm | LT M DR RUSS CLARK WEDNESDAY 23 OCTOBER 2pm | LT B the weekend in Germany. After requirements of the job. Most Information for finalists and placement students This workshop is designed to help you develop an in Civil Engineering on opportunities with this a bit more probing it transpired jobs are described in terms effective interview technique. In a friendly and relaxed engineering consultancy. that he spoke fluent French so Most people find it hard of tasks such as organising, way you will have the opportunity to be interviewed hitching across France was not a to “sell” themselves - researching, managing, and to be the interviewer. problem. He picked up enough make sure you do writing, analysing and *Please register with Careers by email [email protected], or in person. German to get by while he was problem-solving. Employers Please keep an eye on your University email and www.surrey.ac.uk/careers for the most up to date information there, and he earned his fare want to know whether you back by busking on the German underground. can do the things the job demands. The He was a gifted saxophonist! He had also, application form is simply a means of finding quite recently, given a lecture at the London this out. By Steve Lewis School of Economics, in French, on playing I reckon it takes about 3 hours to do the the sax, and the degree he was doing was job properly. The first hour should be spent Chemical Engineering! reading, thinking and planning. The second You might be thinking that’s all very well for should be spent working out your answers to lacement students – Nico and Severine kicking about him, he had a lot to talk about. But that’s not the more open-ended questions in rough. The for a few months and there are a few young- the way he had seen it. Most people, in fact, third you’d spend transferring your answers to ish English expats. I have had a few days of find it hard to “sell” themselves. The key to the form. If it is a paper application, it goes rather serious drinking with one such expat making it easier is to make sure you start from without saying that your form also needs to called Mike, however these “beanies” only the point that anything you’ve done could be look attractive as well. Take heart though, the occur when his fiancée is away (not very relevant. Take bar work, for example. You first form which you complete is usually the S EAK often, dammit). As for the French students, might think that’s of no interest to an employer hardest. You can save quite a bit of time if you I met Nico rather randomly at the bus-stop whatsoever. But if you describe it in terms of keep a copy and modify your answers for the one day when my bike was buggered. He dealing with difficult customers, handling ones that follow. just asked me if I worked at the P&G plant, money, ordering supplies and working long, PS Look out for a presentation by KPMG I said “er, yeah, who are you?” He later unsocial hours - it suddenly sounds a lot more on online applications on Tuesday 12 So, here I am, sat at my desk in the first place introduced me to Severine and it just went relevant to the needs of employers. November at 6.15 pm in LT M. that I could ever really call my own. “Here,” on from there – we all tended to go out or is chez-Steve Louis (Chem Eng & French), a do something most evenings once we got to relativelyP small apartment in deepest darkest know each other. There is something very … SIMON MATTHEWS France. I am living in a rather sleepy little .. well …. continental, about sitting outside town called Blois that nestles in the Loire on a lovely summer’s evening drinking Valley about an hour and a half’s train ride a few beers, (rapidly finding my French I graduated in June 2002 and am currently from the teeming metropolis that is Paris. fluency improving with alcohol intake), working as a software engineer at a media The town is very, and I mean VERY quiet. and watching the world go by (or more company in Wandsworth. A lot of the work However it is very pleasant and touristy (is specifically, a load of the local testosterone- is project based and one of the major things that a word?). The restaurants are cheap fuelled lads pulling wheelies on their little that is the difference between success and (less than twenty of your English pounds scooters around the impossibly small square failure of a project is time management. I for a fine 3 course meal) and the food is to – madness!) found at university that we were encouraged die for, which is a result for someone who Now, I have learnt three very important to be pro-active about managing deadlines considers eating to be a hobby. facts about going clubbing in France – it and workload and this is experience that I My working days have varied somewhat is usually cheaper to buy and share a bottle have brought to the job. I would recommend – at the beginning of my placement I was of vodka or whiskey or whatnot than to go to anyone that they make use of the time at rolling out of bed around half seven, and out on the beers (about eight quid a pint!). university to discover where their strengths then hopping onto my bike and cycling Secondly, it is fairly common practise for and weaknesses lie in meeting deadlines to work, ending up behind my desk for there to be large mirrors in the clubs and and to work on them as this particularly about eight-ish. I would then slog away it is expected that you dance with yourself impresses employers. the day in a mixture of French and English in front of these mirrors – vanity holds a My placement year was spent at DERA before rolling home about half five-ish. special place in the clubs around here! And (Defence Evaluation and Research Agency However, the French government, in all last of all, the clubs are open until five am, who have since changed their name to its bureaucratic wisdom, has seen it fit to nice. QinetiQ), a research company that is part such different people. At university you zealously enforce some new working time So, to go abroad or not for a placement? of the MOD. Looking back, I am glad that mainly work with people of a similar age regulations limiting the working week of all Well, I’ve had a good time overall, my Surrey placed such a strong emphasis on and background and it can be easy to fall us paupers to no more than 36 hours and 20 French is now of a pretty decent standard, the placement year as I found this to be into the trap of thinking that “the real world” minutes. So, now I clock in and out – not (I can swear in many different ways – if that an invaluable part of the course. One thing will be just the same. to make sure that I do enough hours, but can be used as a fluency criterion). I have that can’t be taught but only learned is the My one regret from my final year at to ensure that I do not do too many! Will ‘done’ Paris and the Loire Valley (wine and importance of relationships at work and how university was being very casual about wonders never cease! So, now I roll out of food-tasting is a must). Yes, I have been they can affect performance, particularly in the careers advice that was available from bed around eight and I am home for about lonely for a bit and my phone bills have work that involves teams. Most people Surrey. I made the mistake of thinking five – all hail the French government and the been expensive, but I have had some quality underestimate the importance of building in my last semester that work was a long RTT (the aforementioned law!). weekends away here and there : Paris good work relationships, even with people way off and there was plenty of time to get Meeting people has been difficult – most (including EuroDisney – and yes, I met my you wouldn’t really associate with outside organised. In fact, the end of the year creeps of the people that I work with are young Jungle Book namesake), Alps, Dordogne. of work. My experience at DERA was useful up on you and it is worth attending all the couples with young kids! However, there And, importantly I regret (or should that be to me in helping with this because it is the careers events that are held, even if you have been a few other French placement remember?) nothing! first time I worked in teams comprising of don’t know what you’re going to do. FEATURE COMPETITION

Guildford book festival more free clothes! special! £100 worth of miss previews of kate adie, selfridge vouchers to george alagiah and be won by [maybe] mark steele! you - hurrah! red dragon directed by Brett Ratner third time in his career (Brian Cox portrayed the good doctor in “Manhunter”), Hopkins starring Anthony Hopkins, Edward Norton, Emily Watson, Ralph Fiennes drinks in every moment as the demented cannibal. While, of course, it’s fun to watch the sinister threats and double entendres roll off his tongue in that English-professor-meets- After nearly losing his life trying to capture the notorious serial killer Hannibal Lecter, it Ted-Bundy singsong voice Hopkins has, the actor does make time to make Lecter scary has taken years for FBI agent Will Graham to overcome his anxiety. Enjoying the quiet again. With a cast that includes good performances from Harvey Keitel, Watson, Parker, life on his Florida property with his wife and son, Graham is reluctantly called back Hoffman, and a flat, but passable Norton, you remember the scenes with Hopkins as you into action when a serial killer called “The Tooth Fairy” begins his murderous rampage. walk out of the theater. And that’s just the way it should be. “The Tooth Fairy” is actually a meek video lab techie named Francis Dolarhyde who is The demon of the picture is Ralph Fiennes, who’s perfectly cast as Francis Dolarhyde. overcome by his uncontrollable rage, only to be tempered by an unexpected romance with Fiennes gives the Reba McClane, a blind woman who sees the good in Dolarhyde. With the help of Lecter, role his all, using his Graham tries to thwart Dolarhyde before he kills again. But behind Will’s back, Lecter and body as a conduit for Dolarhyde have made their own plans for his fate. Satan himself, and The chips are stacked against director Brett Ratner (The “Rush Hour” films, “The Family almost stealing the film Man”) with “Red Dragon”. First of all, he’s making the third Hannibal Lecter film, after away from Hannibal. Jonathan Demme’s sensational “The Silence Of The Lambs,” and Ridley Scott’s wildly Unlike the too-on- entertaining sequel “Hannibal.” If that wasn’t hard enough to top, Thomas Harris’ suspense the-nose casting of novel “Red Dragon” was previously turned into a 1986 feature called “Manhunter,” which hulking actor Tom was near-brilliant as directed by Michael Mann (“Heat”). So how does Ratner turn this dark Noonan as Dolarhyde installment into magnificence when so much could’ve gone so wrong? in “Manhunter,” Even with the foundations for this movie Fiennes can pull off the set in concrete long before the first frame everyman/sadistic killer of film was exposed, it is Ratner’s natural act with a believability ability to weave a story that makes “Red that’s alarming. It’s a Dragon” such a cinematic jolt. Ratner terrific performance. knows how to work an audience, and Taken on its own as a “Dragon” is often a tense affair. While not deliciously relentless as arid as “Lambs” or as robustly grotesque thriller, or as part of as “Hannibal,” “Dragon” goes for the one of the least likely suspense jugular more often than the other franchises in Hollywood films. Set pieces involving Dolarhyde’s history, “Red Dragon” is interrogation of a wretched reporter (a categorically superb on repellent Philip Seymour Hoffman) crackle both counts. I’m sad to with tension. As does the climax, which see Lecter ride off into follows formula to the tee, yet remains an the sunset, but if this is edge-of-your-seat ride that tops the film the way they’re going like a cherry on a sundae. to finish him off, then It also helps to have Anthony Hopkins I implore you all not to around. Leading the cast as Lecter for the miss it.

Dilemma: I’m staying in wit me mates, I got the beer but I don’t know which movie to rent?!?!?! Rest Assured, that is my Classic of the week reason for being: Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) is the stuff The Jerry Springer Show is made of: A loud, gambling, unreliable lout who not only drinks too much but is unfaithful to his wife (with a hooker, no less, and not a hooker like Julia Roberts...but let’s not confuse the issue) and ultimately abandons her and their child. But do we loathe this cad for his brutish behavior? No, we only remember how cool he was as he strode out the door after telling wife Scarlett (Vivien Leigh) he frankly didn’t give a damn. Such is the power of cool that Rhett Butler became known as the big-screen hero, and is still considered one of the most romantic In wit’ figures in American cinema. Why, you ask? Well, probably for the same reason Joey Buttafuoco didn’t get dumped me mates by his wife and why a guy like John Wayne Chick Flicks: Welcome ladies and men in touch with their feminine side, this week I am Bobbitt can still get a date: They may be here for your pleasure…er…in that I have some movie suggestions for you. Right, my louts, but they’re our louts. The film is by first recommendation, by popular demand isDirty Dancing. I’m told by many of my lady no means perfect. It’s too long, for one thing, friends that this is the best film of all time and it has an unforgettable soundtrack. Pure, and the second half drags. This is after all unadulterated cheese, need I say any more? Next in line would have to be Bridget Jones’ a woman’s story, and it’s largely told from a Diary; I am told that every girl’s circle of friends can be related to the main characters woman’s perspective. But they might have in this movie and subsequent sequels (should the other books ever be brought to the big thrown in something for the boys. There screen). Finally, from my childhood, I am going to recommend Beaches. Before I started are no real battle scenes. Even with these growing hair (other than that on my head), every girl I had a crush on was rabbiting on shortcomings, there’s more than enough life about this movie so I can only presume it struck a nerve within their nubile bodies. in this movie to go around. all words: stew fudge 17 October 2002 FILM 13 Director’s cut:Robert Roderiguez Ok, so I’m making the not-so-difficult leap of logic from Quentin Tarantino, to one of his words: jolyon hunter best mates (Robert Rodriguez) for this week’s Director’s Cut. Chances are that not many of you have heard of this guy, but you’ve probably seen one of his movies. Rodriguez is a native of Texas and was born and raised in San Antonio. At some point during eighth grade, Robert saw John Carpenter’s "Escape From New York" and became inspired: He picked up his Dad’s old Super8 camera and never looked back. The thing that shocked him most was the cost of developing the film itself… Despite the headache of editing between two household VCRs, Rodriguez appeared determined to follow his dream, and with a ready-made cast of ten siblings, he managed to create an impressive array of movies. Throughout his time at the University of Texas in Austin, he called upon his siblings frequently – featuring them in a cartoon named Los Hooligans, and creating an award-winning short named Austin Stories. Somehow he also managed to produce around 30 movies, all on borrowed Super8 equipment with very limited resources. Rodriguez set his sights on Hollywood, and decided the best way to break Tinseltown would be through the Hispanic market – his gamble paid off. El Mariachi (1992) was scripted, directed and shot by El Mariachi is one of the best independent films you are likely to see. Go rent it now! Rodriguez with no small amount of help This movie catapulted Rodriguez into the Hollywood hotlist, and he took some famous from his friend, and the film’s lead, Carlos faces with him. Salma Hayek starred in Rodriguez’s stylised TV movie Roadracers (1994), Gallardo. (Be sure to look out for him in Antonio Banderas got major exposure in El Mariachi 2, otherwise known as Desperado Desperado as well – he plays Campa). Shot (1995 - also featuring Salma Hayek), and he also can be credited with kickstarting George in 20 days on a borrowed 16mm camera, Clooney’s movie career with the ultra-cool From Dusk Till Dawn (1996). and with a final budget of around $7,000, Major films Rodriguez has directed recently includeThe Faculty (1998) and, in a slightly different vein, Spy Kids (2001) and Spy Kids 2 (2002); all of which are well worth seeing if you haven’t already. His films can be described as highly stylised Operas of violence – if you like John Woo, check this guy out. Each film oozes with style and that tangible essence of "cool". As mentioned he helped Banderas and Hayek break into Hollywood and uses them both frequently in his movies. Other regulars to look out for are Cheech Marin and the distinctive Danny Trejo (Navajas – the guy with the knives – in Desperado). Trejo is also Rodriguez’s cousin. By the way – a word of warning! Don’t make the same mistake I did by renting From Dusk Til Dawn 2 or 3 – Rodriguez only gets credited with executive producer on these movies, and you can tell that his influence was minimal – these two royally suck (no pun intended). Next on the horizon is the third instalment of the El Mariachi series – Desperado 2. The film, provisionally entitled Once" Upon a Time in Mexico" is complete and should be with us sometime in the New Year – expect to see Banderas reprise his role as the Mariachi alongside the sultry Salma Hayek. King of Cool, Mr. Jonny Depp, also plays a main character in this movie, and there are also appearances by Willem Dafoe and Mickey Rourke. do my buns look big in this? 16 MUSIC 17 October 2002

MUSIC NEWS MUSE ARE TO SUE CELINE DION, IT WAS SINGLES announced this week, as she plans to

use the bands name as the title of her FORMULAE THE 15TH new Las Vegas show. The band own the JJ72 | LAKOTA RECORDS FISCHERSPOONER | FS STUDIOS/MINISTRY OF performing rights to the name in the US Emerging from whichever shadowy corner SOUND which means it cannot be used by anyone they’ve inhabited since early last year, Erratic electro-popsters Fischerspooner else. Celine has reportedly offered JJ72 return in suitably epic form with new decide to cover a 1979 Wire track on this £32,000 to use it but Matt Bellamy has single Formulae. Described as a celebration single. Obviously this version has lots of stated “we don’t want to turn up their of everyday life by vocalist and honorary beats and synths added, but it still isn’t all (the states) with people thinking we’re chipmunk Mark Greany, the first offering that interesting. Smooth vocals croon over bloody Celine Dion’s backing band.” from their upcoming second album I to the basslines, but it really just passes you Now that could be quite an interesting Sky is extremely easy on the ear. With by. Fischerspooner apparently put on an collaboration. silky vocals and polished, dreamy guitar incredible spectacle of a live show with sounds, the overall impression is that this is dramatic costumes, stage sets and lighting, IN THE GRAHAM COXON V’S BLUR DEBACLE heartfelt and really rather lush. On the other so maybe this would come across better this week Mr Coxon has revealed that hand, Formulae is so sugary that some live. As it is, ‘The 15th’ is quite average. he no longer regards the rest of the people might opt to spit rather than swallow five | a.w. band as his friends. “They haven’t - metaphorically speaking. seven | a.c particularly acted like my friends and I probably haven’t for years.” However, with Graham’s excellent new solo album coming out next week I think he could probably do without them.

FINALLY THIS WEEK IT SEEMS THAT single life hasn’t been affecting Justin Timberlake too much. Whilst over on recent visit to London he was spotted with various women. First it was the turn WAY BEYOND COME BACK AROUND of Ms Dynamite where they bumped into MORCHEEBA | CHINA RECORDS FEEDER | ECHO each over and discussed “music”…. Yep Chill-out gurus Morcheeba have knocked Taken from the new album Comfort in ok. Then in the same club Ms Aguleira out a nice little catchy track taken from Sound, this song is a sure sign that Feeder made an appearance and partied the poor the album Charango, which is a bit too are firing on all cylinders despite the* lad “to within an inch of his life.” Seems happy and bouncy for my liking. Not that devastating loss of drummer Jon Lee earlier like he might need Britney back after all. there’s anything wrong with being happy this year. Hearing this on the radio, you’d and bouncy, but this does sound a bit like be forgiven for thinking it was the Foo Atomic Kitten, pretty non-descript and Fighters (well I’ve almost forgiven myself lacking in substance. Still, I guess that’s the anyway). Come Back Around is highly Advertising Feature whole point of chill-out music. Personally charged and pretty damn catchy; as good as I think that Morcheeba should explore their anything these guys have done previously - dark side a bit more (there’s wicked remix if you’re not bouncing off the walls on your of The Sea by Stakka+Skynet knocking first listen then you bloody well should be. An evening with Germaine Greer around). I didn’t like Way Beyond, but a lot Rockin’. eight and a half | a.c. Sunday 20 October 2002 of people probably will five| t.d.

HUMMINGBIRDS VENUS HUM | BMG American three piece, Venus Hum show instant promise with this illuminating EP release. Title track Hummingbirds is near perfection, using ‘Annette Streans’* humble vocals. Electro beats delved with inspiring vocals make Hummingbirds an outstanding single. ‘Bjork’ style influences are fushioned with beats and bleeps in This is an event which allows the audience to ask all those burning questions Springtime#2. This EP is a must for chilled they have been longing to throw at Professor Greer: serious or light- beat lovers having the right balance of hearted, from politics to poetry, the role of women in third-word countries, beautiful vocals and crafted beats. Venus to Shakespeare’s women, or sex and the over sixties. This encounter with Hum has an exceptional sound with this debut release showcasing material from Germaine Greer is likely to be candid, pithy and enlightening, crammed their forthcoming album Big Beautiful Sky. with polemics and highly entertaining. The uncommercial style is accessible to all Germaine Greer was born in Melbourne and educated at the university with its class shinning from beginning to there. She subsequently took an MA at the University of Sydney and a end. nine | m.b. PhD at the University of Cambridge. She was Professor of Modern Letters at the University of Tulsa from 1980-1983, Special Lecturer at Newnham SOMEWHERE OUT THERE OUR LADY PEACE| EPIC College, Cambridge 1989-98 and since then has been Professor of English This band is shit hot! Oh no – wait a minute – they’re just shit. Somewhere out there and Comparative Studies at Warwick University. sounds like every mediocre rock love ballad that has ever been written – these guys make She is an outspoken broadcaster and feminist icon (The Female Eunuch, Bryan Adams look like the f*cking Don. Taken from the album Gravity, this track is her famous book on feminism, was published in 1969) and she has finance a slow typical love song with throaty vocals and mushy lyrics. If you’re into stuff like and operated Stump Cross Books since 1988, publishing the works of female Bryan Adams and Nickleback, then aside from the fact that you’re a complete loser, you’ll probably enjoy this. Even if you don’t like this track then you will marvel at the excellent writers including Aphra Behn, Katherine Philips and Anne Wharton. production and nice sleeve. Having said all this, after a couple of listens this track managed to penetrate through this rock hard exterior and I actually found myself being quite touched. I cried three times and shat myself twice three| t.d. 17 October 2002 MUSIC 17

I To Sky MAGIC HOTEL jj72 | lakota TOPLOADER | SONY The second album for the Irish three-piece Magic Hotel is Toploader’s return after indie rock band is a good follow up to the ALBUMS the phenomenal success of million debut eponymous* album ‘JJ72’. When selling Onka’s Big Moka. After shaking they released their last album there was an the charts and Jamie Oliver adverts, enormous amount of hype and excellent Toploader have even more to prove reviews that included the band touring with the eagerly awaited Magic Hotel. with the NME Carling awards that year. The set up of familiar vocals and organ Two years on and they have put together antics is unchanged but does show more another album worthy of similar praise experimenting with styles. First single off and interest. Mark Greaney’s distinct the album, Time Of My Life is uplifting vocals are sure to be mistaken for a girls enough but with masses of exposure voice again but they suit the music and through the overplayed Dancing In The songs perfectly. There are hints of a Joy Moon Light has tested even the most avid Division influence in some of the songs, fans patience. One thing can be said for particularly ‘Sinking’ and there seems to be Toploader and that’s they don’t offend more of a rawness in the album that wasn’t anyone, the styles not innovating but there in the first album. The fact that Alan look into the music and its actually not Moulder (who is known for his work with that bad. The Animals, House of The Smashing Pumpkins and Nine Inch Nails) Rising Sun inspired ‘Lady Let Me Shine’ mixed the album shows part of where this includes trademark, catchy choruses and is coming from. There does not seem to organ solos. The use of Rhythm and be a particularly weak song and is a strong Blues with commercial rock has proved a album throughout. seven | js winning formula that the Magic Hotel LP is continuing. Standout tracks Following LET GO The Sun and Only Desire have that single AVRIL LAVIGNE | ARISTA RECORDS quality in this obviously hard worked Let Go is the absolutely stunning debut album from Canadian wonderkid Avril Lavigne. album. Toploader second album could At the rather cute and tender age of 18, the whole Avril Lavigne story is accelerating at never live up to the success of previous an alarming rate. Since releasing* Let Go in June, she has achieved ‘triple’ and ‘double debut album with critics sharpening their platinum’ status in Canada and the US respectively. Let Go has reached no.2 in the knives, but I for one have now blunted Billboard Chart, and no.1 in the alternative album chart. The amazing thing about this mine. six | m.b. Canadian beauty is that she is able to sound about a decade older than she actually is. The sound produced in this record can be described as ‘addictive’. It is so clean, pure and * together. She has the voice and the looks of an angel, but with the added quality of a bit of attitude. Unlike other teen stars, Avril is one artist that certainly likes to be firmly in the driving seat, as she says: ‘ I’m gonna dress what’s me, I’m gonna act what’s me and I’m gonna sing what’s me’. And frankly, who’s to argue? With the hit single ‘Complicated’, that smashed records previously set by Madonna, staying at no.1 in the Canadian charts for an exasperating 11 weeks. Avril plays the Astoria on Nov 22. She’s damn good. eight | m.i. GOD BLESS MISS BLACK AMERICA MISS BLACK AMERICA | INTEGRITY RECORDS recommended This album is a fantastic lesson in political punk music. It starts off in rousing fashion with UP THE BRACKET ‘Human Punk’ in which we are told, “The human punk is a God worth worshipping”. Too LIBERTINES* | ROUGH TRADE right. And here is a great place to start. Strong melodic basslines and great guitar riffs rule, More punk guitar in the same vein as the as on ‘Infinite Chinese Box’. There is an advert for the Anti-Nazi league in the inlay sleeve Strokes and the White Stripes, from British and there are quotes before the lyrics to each song, from people as diverse as Julian Cope band the Libertines. Kinks singalongs, and Mother Theresa. Clearly this band has something to say. And boy, do they do it in Clash guitar riffs and funky drumbeats style. The music is sexy and urgent, aggressive even, with a large proportion of the lyrics are obvious throughout the record, as about personal strength, with even a Radiohead lyric thrown in. ‘God Bless Miss Black well as influences from their current America’ is raw and intense, and appeals to the basic rock ‘n’ roll instinct. Amazing for a contemporaries. Songs are all energetic and debut album. Worship Here. nine | a.w. melodic from storming opener ‘Vertigo’ THE ORIGINAL SOUND OF SHEFFIELD ’78- onwards. Mick Jones formerly of the Clash ’82 – BEST OF produced the band’s debut album, and his words by: alex read CABARET VOLTAIRE | MUTE influence is obvious on certain tracks, for simon robinson Cabaret Voltaire were pioneers of electronic example ‘Time For Heroes’. Although not jon swarbrick | duncan hills music from the late 70s onwards. The as immediate as the Strokes, this album matty b | anthos chrisanthou band were notorious for their experimental still rocks, and I’m sure Mick and his anna wheeler | mark iyer sound and forward thinking. The former colleagues would have been proud confrontational energy of punk is here in of some of the songs. The band tour with abundance in the lyrics and quite possibly if you are interested in writing for the music drug-inspired music. This ‘Best Of’ brings Supergrass in October. Now that will be a team, then come along to the cd hand-out in great night out. seven | a.w. together 14 rare single and album tracks the media centre on mondays at 5pm from 1978-1982, when the band were POWER IN THE BLOOD at their height. The music is intensely ALABAMA 3 | (ONE LITTLE INDIAN) atmospheric and dark, and lyrics are Thumbing through the pages of the inlay of my latest ‘choice’ and seeing a bunch of wrinkly, hard faced rocked-out-rocker types is sometimes unrecognisable. Comparisons hardly an endearing image at the best of times so upon listening I find myself almost pleasantly surprised (...... to an extent) that the old to Joy Division seem unavoidable and adage “never judge a book by a cover”, partly rings true here once again. Expecting some sort of shite southern rock I instead find myself on ‘No Escape’, the vocals are distinctly listening to what can only be described as country-techno! As far as that particular genre goes, I’m sure this is a great example, at times the reminiscent of Ian Curtis singing “Dance, backing tracks even resemble something an older Underworld might have produced (well...... maybe). However, despite being well known dance, dance to the radio” on Joy Division’s on the South London club scene, Alabama 3 (who actually number eight in their ranks!) have hardly endeared themselves with dance fans. ‘Transmission’. High praise, and worthy Perhaps its the slightly crap imitation of a deep-south American accent sung by the Glaswegian front man? Or maybe its just that this of it. The band were instrumental in seems like a dance record trying to be exactly that, only for a wrinkly Glaswegian to drag it kicking and screaming back into the depths developing the experimental “industrial” of country music? Or maybe it’s the rather off-putting, under-lying political agenda that Larry and Wayne Love have decided is suitable sound and this compilation demonstrates for making people dance? Perhaps they could give some tips on getting your message across, to a certain hapless political party? Or not. perfectly the extent of influence Cabaret For all its country-flavoured social commentary, the record does actually have its fleeting moments of inspired dance music but ultimately Voltaire had on a multitude of newer music. fleeting is all they ever amount to.five | dh Unmissable. nine | a.w. 18 MUSIC 17 October 2002 A refreshing change in a tiny backroom, somewhere in London

FRENCH KICKS AND BLACK NIELSEN Spitz bar

With today’s music scene being filled with manufactured pop and hype driven bands tonight’s gig is a refreshing change as it is a night of unknowns. One of the UK’s finest v’s one of Americas left behind talents. In a tiny backroom in East London, Black Nielsen take to the stage in a half-filled room. Those who have turned up however, know something the rest of us don’t. That Black Nieslen, a five piece from Southampton, write beautifully crafted heartfelt songs. Right from when they take to the stage to the dramatic close, Nielsen tug at the heartstrings with Mike Gale’s fragile vocals, backed by soaring guitars and orchestral harmonies. Right throughout the crowd is taken on an epic journey, take the prophetically titled ‘Lasoo the moon’ which brings a touch of space to the surroundings Soon-to-be popular extravanganza and ‘My friend’ leaves us all weeping. Comparisons to Mercury Rev and Grandaddy are inevitable but they bring with it a sense of Englishness, a feeling of cute sentiment. And as CANDYHEADS + BUGFLY @ LIVE impressed. they leave the stage they have managed to take us from space right back home, wrapped in TUESDAY 15TH OCTOBER | UNION Up next are the Candyheads. Becoming a warm duvet. Finally some rock comes to the union. a regular at the students union having The French Kicks couldn’t be much more of a different band if they tried. For a start they Put aside your normal pop drivel which played here last year, the Candyheads are all over 6ft tall and are all from uber cool New York and this is where the confusion too often blasts from the its speakers, are another four-piece from London (and starts. These days all you need to do is say you’re from New York and the NME will tell tonight Candyheads and BugFly inject incidentally on the same label as BugFly, you the next best thing. The French Kicks have all that is required to be New York’s finest. some rock n’ and roll. BugFly, a four Libelous records). Having been tipped as They have dirty Rock n Roll snarl, take ‘1985’ for example which has more swagger than piece from London, take to the stage first. “well up for it” in last weeks Barefacts, a coked up mancunian. They have pop melodies, ‘crying just for show’ bounces along like Sounding like Hole crossed with Pink like they certainly don’t disappoint. Each Jordan’s implants. However, this maybe the problem. Their beach boy style harmonies at melodies (but with more bad ass attitude) song tonight is filled with pop melodies, times took the edge off some of their songs, but when they kicked into ‘Right in time’ you tonight’s set is 30 minutes of blistering punk attitude and well just infectious rock know there is no justice in the world. If the strokes managed to write a song like this it rock that left the weak running. Fronted actually. I have never witnessed such a would be hailed a masterpiece. It has style, it struts, it snarls, it makes you wanna dance. by a confident female Hungarian vocalist reaction to a band at the union before, was That is exactly what the French Kicks manage to make you do by the end of their set. With (that’s something you don’t see everyday there a riot for posters at the end that I saw? style and songs to boot it should only be a matter of time. The world please take notice, outside of Budapest), BugFly, after a slow With feel good hits like ‘Mr Bluesky’ (for a these bands are great, just don’t tell anyone. simon robinson start surprise the rapidly increasing but moment I thought Greenday had arrived at unsuspecting audience with their dirty the union) and ‘Precious’, which was easily riffs and low slung attitude. Current the song of the evening, it is easy to see single ‘Someone else’ soared along whilst why they got such a reaction. They made ‘Drown’ cut straight for the jugular with noise, they got attitude and believe it or Theatre its Garbagesque vocals and deep down not I think they made some people dance. dirty attitude. Those who bothered to Britney can piss off, LIVE is here to stay! Ok folks, here’s another one you might like to go and see at the Yvonne Arnaud: it looks tackle the rain were left feeling surprisingly simon robinson pretty good to me. ‘Don’t Dress for Dinner’, heralded as “a nifty comedy farce” by the Sunday Times, stars a couple of well-known faces: Robert Duncan, the newsroom boss from Drop the Dead Donkey, Vicki Michelle of Allo Allo fame and Melanie Stace, once Bruce Forsyth’s sidekick on The Generation Game. Kinetic Theatre: ‘The Amazing World of Eduard Setting the scene: a converted French farmhouse. The characters: Bernard, who has a chic Parisian mistress, Suzy, whom he hopes to Bersudsky’s Performing Sculptures’ entertain for the weekend, whilst his wife Jacqueline visits her mother. Bernard COMPANY - SHARMANKA THEATRE arranges for a cordon bleu chef to create the perfect gastronomic ambience and for his best friend Robert to supply the reliable alibi. CREATOR - EDUARD BERSUDSKY What could possibly go wrong? DIRECTOR - TATIANA JAVORSKAIA Perhaps Jacqueline (the wife) decides to cancel her trip to see her mother? words: sara li Could this be because her and Robert (best friend) are secret lovers? With the genius talent of Eduard Bersudsky and the mastermind The chef could be mistaken for the mistress and the mistress of Tatiana Javorskaia, the Sharmanka Kinetic Theatre Company can’t cook?!! Mix all this together and you have the perfect recipe for offers you something a little bit different. During 1985-1988 an evening of hilarious confusion! in Russia, Bersudsky had carved over fifty kinetic sculptures. So, if Fawlty Towers is your thing, this would be the play After a meeting with theatre director, Javorskaia in 1988, it was for you. Another farce worth seeing is ‘Noises Off’, playing in discovered that what he had created was essentially a theatre the West End at the Piccadilly Theatre. of mechanical characters, and that they were best presented in ‘Don’t Dress for Dinner’ plays at the Yvonne performance. The final result was; a magnificent set of wooden Arnaud Theatre from Monday 21st – Saturday and metal kinetic sculptures being brought to life with relatively 26th October. Mon-Thurs: 7.45pm. Fri and simple electromechanical devices to tell the funny and tragic tales Sat: 8pm. Mats Thurs and Sat: 2.30pm. Ticket of the human spirit. prices range from £11 - £23.50. Standbys are This isn’t something that will appeal to everyone, especially available 1 hour before the performance, priced £7 for students. Box Office Tel. No: 01483 when you just wanted to spend a quiet, relaxed afternoon down 440000. the museum, - only for it to be turned into a disturbing and words: rachael bemrose thought-provoking visit. With brilliant use of shadow play, dim lights and a very effective haunting soundtrack the piece More theatre will has the power to unsettle you. And at the same time it has the follow next week. kind of magic that entrances and captivates visitors. For a quick biography On display, Bersudsky’s art is truly awe-inspiring of Rabbi Lionel Blue, and very surreal. It is as if each carving, large or small turn to the special on appears to have a soul and is trying to whisper to you it’s the Guildford book little riddle. But, it is through theatrical performance that you festival. To fill this experience the full impact of his work, and the effects at has bit, here are a couple on the mind is not to be underestimated. of pictures of this ‘The Amazing World of Eduard Besudsky’s Performing year’s panto: Sculptures’ is currently housed at the Theatre Museum, in London both as an exhibition and performance. 17 October 2002 COMPETITIONS 19 Competition[s]

Frankly, none of you deserve to win last week’s prize because a grand total of five people entered. Well, the five that entered deserved to win, but no-one else. Come on people, is it really that difficult to send one poxy e-mail? Lord knows that everyone sends enough of the things nowadays - how difficult can it be to type [email protected] and a simple answer? Not a lot. Anyway, the lucky winner of the massive attack dvd is one sam somers so please do drop by and pick it up. The runner’s-up prize of a the new toploader album go to John Swar- brick and Bertrand Tervernier - this could be seen either as great or horrible and not much else in between. (Incidentally, just so you know, the competitions are judged thus: all of the entries go into one big list which is then counted - the number of entrants, x, is then passed on to my girl- friend at the other end of teh phone who then picks a number between 1 and x, thus giving us a winner. It works quite well and ensures fairness at all times. Should you have any complaints regarding this procedure, I refer you to my girlfriend...). Anyway, onwards and upwards to this week’s competitions - your chance to win either one of (or both of, if you’re lucky) the following: a) £100 worth of vouchers to spend in Miss Selfridge b) a mobile phone

Yep - all the stops have been pulled out and there we go - two fandabidoso prizes. You know the score by now: answer the question, send the answer to the e-mail address I’ve already mentioned with the subject mat- ter given as “competition” and wahey - your chance of a whop- pingly good prize increases dramatically. So here goes:

For the Miss Selfridge vouchers: how much discount is available at Miss Selfridge during the month of October?

For the motorola t191 handset: what is the name of the mobile phone company who are running the mixitmoto dj challenge at universities across the united kingdom?

It’s not hard, is it?

Incidentally, if you want any more information regarding the motorola event (which is going to be held at the Union in week eight) or anything to do with Miss Selfridge, then give Shruti a call at NUS ents. Her number is 020 7490 0946 and her e-mail is [email protected]. She’s thoroughly nice and will help you out a treat. Good luck everyone.

Being intelligent being 5.30PM | LT D | WEDNESDAY WK. 7 PROFESSOR KHURSHID AHMAD PROFESSOR OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

For many people intelligence is a word they of rule-governed behaviour. There are associate with clever things, with cloak computing professionals who believe that and dagger things, with (their) children or “Intelligent behaviour is it is possible to develop a computer system pets and occasionally with colleagues. For that will behave intelligently. Professor psychologists, philosophers and computing yet another example of Ahmad will talk about the development of professionals the term intelligence has a rule-governed artificially intelligent programs – programs special significance: a term that has not that can ezxtract financial information from been easy to define and is a controversial behaviour. There are news stories; programs that can simulate notion at best or heresy at worst. Many the development of a child’s language and humanists and a fair number of scientists computing profession- programs that can systematically store and regard intelligence as an essential human als who believe that it retrieve still and moving videos of dancers, trait on par with beauty and for others sports persons and even of criminals. Some intelligence is almost a god-like quality. is possible to develop a people even speak of programs that have Many scientists and a significant number of consciousness, volition and the ability to humanists believe otherwise: intelligence computer system that will reproduce. Artificially intelligent beings for them is a phenomenon to understand behave intelligently” require complex hardware and software – it much like gravity or evolution; intelligent appears that being intelligent takes much behaviour for them is yet another example effort. 20 BOOK FESTIVAL SPECIAL 17 October 2002 Guildford Book Festival | 2002

The Guildford Book Festival was founded in 1990 and has been a Glen Pycraft, the festival director, writes in his introduction to the highlight of the arts calendar ever since its inception over a decade Festival: “As always we try to bring variety to the events” and ago. Tens of writers descend on the numerous theatres, halls and goes on to introduce some of the people who will be present this institutes of Guildford each year to deliver memoirs, book extracts, year. Libby Purves, Jane Asher, Jenny Eclair, Henry Chancellor opinion and writing workshops – quite often for free – to a public and , to conclude the event, John Sergeant, the well-known political whose appetite for receiving such entertainment has grown along reporter. with the festival. This year’s event will take place from 20th Below is a brief guide to some of the better-known writers coming October until the 3rd November and will start with “an evening to Guildford over the next couple of weeks or so. with Germaine Greer” – the well-known feminist and academic.

RABBI LIONEL BLUE GEORGE ALAGIAH SUNDAY 20 OCTOBER | YVONNE ARNAUD FRIDAY 25 OCTOBER | ELECTRIC THEATRE

For some time he contemplated being a In A Passage to Africa, truly remarkable book. monk, but was eventually ordained as a BBC newsreader George George Alagiah is a Rabbi in 1960. Alagiah vividly describes specialist on Africa and During his career he has been the the continent that offered the developing world. minister of the Settlement Synagogue and a new beginning to a Between 1994 and 1998 he Middlesex New Synagogue (1960-63) and Ceylonese five year old and was based in Johannesburg following this was the European Director of his family fleeing ethnic as the BBC’s Africa the World Union for progressive Judaism. conflict. In vivid and Correspondent. He has In 1967, he took up a lectureship at the Leo evocative prose and with reported on some of the Baeck College, London. He also helped a fine eye for detail, the most significant events found the Standing Conference of Jews, optimism felt by the young of the last decade from Christians and Moslems in Europe. George on his arrival in such places as Somalia, Rabbi Lionel is well-known to millions for Ghana is tempered in the Rwanda, Iraq, Afghanistan, his broadcasts on BBC radio, particularly later years through insight East Timor, Mozambique, Thought for the Day on the Radio 4 Today and experience gained as a Liberia, Sierra Leone, show, which he has been doing for 25 frontline reporter. From the ‘kleptocracry’ Kosovo and Zaire. Among the prominent years. He has also made numerous TV of Mobuto’s Zaire to the olitical expediency figures he has interviewed are Nelson The Guildford Book Festival gets to a appearances and written several books, of President Mugabe’s Zimbabwe; from Mandela, Desmond Tutu, Yoweri rollicking start with a Sunday evening of including Bolts From The Blue, Kitchen the teenage war veterans of Liberia to Museveni, Kofi Annan, Yasser Arafat, entertaining and informative presentations Blues and Simply Divine. Mandela’s moral authority in South Africa Robert Mugabe and Tariq Aziz. by the likes of Rabbi Lionel Blue and He uses his own experiences and offbeat and the ‘African renaissance’ led by such George has won many awards, including Germaine Greer. Unfortunately Germaine sense of humour, to tell a selection of leaders as Yoweri Museveni and Thabo the One World Trust award, Amnesty tickets went very fast, but do not despair! stories, incidents and conversations, which Mbeki, Alagiah manages to balance the International’s Best TV Journalist award If you are in the mood for wit and lively will appeal to people from all religions integrity and sense of obligation he feels and the Bayeux award for war reporting. stories of anything from pasta to prayer and beliefs. He offers an antidote to a as a reporter with passionate, thought He speaks at the festival as part of the books, Rabbi Lionel could be for you! cinema full of horror, with his anecdotes of provoking personal testimony to produce a African Visions tour 2002. Rabbi Lionel was born in the East End anything from soap powder to sainthood. of London in 1930. After going through “My aim”, he says, “is to give people the dozens of schools, he eventually ended up courage to get out of bed”. FAY WELDON at Balliol College, Oxford, where he read Have your spirits lifted; go see Rabbi History. It was here that he discovered Lionel on Sunday. SUNDAY 27 OCTOBER | MILL STUDIO (AT YVONNE ARNAUD) religion, when he happened upon a Quaker Tickets are still available for ‘An Evening meeting for farmers! He followed this by with Rabbi Lionel Blue’ on Sunday 20th Fay Weldon is one of the Watching You, Polaris, studying Semitics at London University. October at 7pm, priced £12.50 and £17.50. best-loved writers of our Moon Over Minneapolis time. She has published and The End of The Line. over twenty novels She has written numerous KATE ADIE including Down Among the major television play Women, Female Friends, and contributed to many TUESDAY 22 OCTOBER | GUIDFORD CHAMBER OF COMMERCE Praxis, Puffball, The Hearts series, including Upstairs, and Lives of Men, Affliction, Downstairs, Pride and Worst Fears and Spitting. Prejudice, The Life and Her autobiography Auto Da Loves of a She Devil and Fay appeared earlier this The Cloning of Joanna year. May. Some of her most Fay returns to the Yvonne powerful writing is in the Arnaud theatre for an form of the short story. evening focusing on her Dozens have appeared work and discussing her in a periodical form and new set of short stories, have been collected in four which are soon to be Kate Adie’s story is an unusual one. She was born in Sunderland and educated at volumes: Watching Me, published. Newcastle University. She joined the BBC in 1969 and has been their Chief News Correspondent since 1989. She was awarded the OBE in 1993. Kate talks about her autobiography The Kindness of Strangers at the Chamber of Booking details Commerce literary lunch – a talk which encompasses her reporting from Northern Ireland, Festival Box Office: 01483 444334 the Middle East, Tiananmen Square and, of course, the Gulf War of 1991. The Electric Theatre: 01483 444789 Kate will also be signing copies of her book before the lunch and then mingling with the Guildford Civic: 01483 444555 guests. Yvonne Arnaud Theatre: 01483 444000 All tickets must be collected from theBox Office outlet at which they were booked 17 October 2002 BOOK SPECIAL FESTIVAL 21

JOHN HEGLEY MARK STEEL SUNDAY 27 OCTOBER | ELECTRIC THEATRE WEDNESDAY 30 OCTOBER | ELECTRIC THEATRE

The fabulously funny John Hegley returns to the Guildford festival with his new show The Mark Steel brings a new show to the has written and performed several series Sketch Books. John visited France last year to paint a scene once depicted by his father and Electric Theatre that promises to be an of the Mark Steel Solution and the Mark muses on a trip, painting in general, romance and blancmange. “informed, uncompromising and joyfully Steel Lecture, both for Radio 4. Mark has witty” evening. also hosted the Radio 5 sports programme, Warning: contains rhyming language. A dedicated trouble-maker, protester and Extra Time, produced a weekly column committed campaigner for social justice for The Guardian and now does so for The John Hegley is a bespectacled, dog loving Luton lauding lad who is widely known as one and equality, it has been said of Mark Steel Independent. of the country’s most innovative comic poets with eight best-selling volumes of poetry that “in every major political event of the to his name, including Five Sugars Please, These Were Your Father’s and Dog. He is a last twenty-five years he has managed to regular sell-out performer at the Edinburgh Festival and has performed at the Melbourne play an extremely minor role.” Comedy festival in Montreal and Aspen, Colorado, under the directorship of Simon Callow Reasons to be Cheerful is the hilarious in ThePajama Game and regularly on Radio 4’s Hearing with Hegley. His new series on memoir of one man’s attempts to fix the this wavelength with John Cooper Clarke is broadcast this month. For more information, world over a quarter of a century, from see www.johnhegley.co.uk. punk to New-Labour. Both a personal tale of life on the front line in the fight against political oppression and a social history ERENCE LACKER T B of the late 20th century, it is polemical, WEDNESDAY 30 OCTOBER | ELECTRIC THEATRE passionate and relentlessly funny. Mark Steel has performed as a stand-up Terence Blacker appears at the Book Festival as part of the youth events calendar. He is a comedian on the British comedy circuit prolific and popular writer, creator of the Ms. Wiz series for young children and successful and on national tours since 1983. Such writer for the older audience. Homebird is a hard-hitting novel anout homelessness, whilst experiences informed his first book –It’s the Hotshot series focuses around an all-girl football team. The agony and ecstasy of the not a Runner-Bean – Dispatches From loyal football supporters is captured in The Transfer, wihc is currently being developed for a Slightly Successful Comedian. As television. well as numerous television appearances Terence will be discussing his work and answering questions in a friendly and informal including Have I got News For You, he atmosphere.

Ian McEwan was born on the 21st June AUTHOR OF THE WEEK of deciding outcomes, she is also God?” 1948 in Aldershot. He won the 1998 Briony Tallis is 13 years old, an Booker prize for his novel Amsterdam, and avid young writer with an over-active has been short-listed since for his more Ian McEwan imagination. One hot summer day in recent work, Atonement. He has written 1935 she sees her older sister, Cecelia, two collections of short stories, nine novels recently returned from Cambridge, strip and many film scripts. His usual style off her clothes and dive into a fountain in involves detailed description and character the grounds of their beautifully described The book circle study, and his focus is often on the mental country house. She also sees Robbie, son of aspect of the story, what goes on inside the the cleaning lady and also recently returned characters’ minds. Here are overviews of from Cambridge, watching Cecelia. These what I believe to be his two best works. events take a dark turn in Briony’s mind The University of Surrey Book Circle is Enduring Love:”The beginning is simple when later she intercepts a note from an informal group that meets in the Willow to mark. We were in sunlight under a turkey Robbie to Cecelia which reads, “In my Room of Wates House approximately once oak, partly protected from a strong, gusty dreams I kiss your cunt.” a month to discuss a book of a member’s wind. I was kneeling on the grass with a Not knowing that Cecelia and Robbie choice. Many of the books discussed are corkscrew in my hand, and Clarissa was are secretly lovers, she makes the modern novels but classics, non-fiction passing me the bottle - a 1987 Daumas terrible mistake of believing him to be books of interest or volumes of poetry are Gassac. This was the moment, this was the a pervert who is out to assault her sister sometimes chosen. Ideas and reactions are pin prick on the time map: I was stretching and any other unwitting girl he can find. shared on a Monday from 5.30-7pm. The out my hand, and as the cool neck and the Unfortunately, that same night their young Book Circle is open to staff, students and black foil touched my palm, we heard a cousin, Lola, is assaulted in the grounds members of the public and new members man’s shout. We turned to look across the of the house and does not know who by. are always welcome. field and saw the danger. Next thing, I was Briony manages to convince everyone The next meeting will be on Monday, running towards it.” (except Cecelia) it is Robbie, who then goes 21st October (week 7), at which The Birth So begins Enduring Love. It is the story of to prison. Embittered, Cecelia becomes of Tragedy by Frederich Nietzsche will be Joe Rose, a scientist and atheist, apparently estranged from her family. This is the crime discussed. content in his life with partner Clarissa words: rachel plummer for which Briony tries for the rest of her life Dedicated to Richard Wagner, this book and career as a science journalist. His to atone. is rich in Nietzsche’s enthusiasm’s for life is upended by one pivotal event, and to a frightening, yet inevitable conclusion, The second part of the book sees Robbie Greek literature and especially tragedy, the obsessive love of another man who a life or death encounter between the three as a soldier in World War 2, the resentment for Shopenhauer and Wagner’s Tristan becomes a dangerous stalker. It is soon main characters. he feels for Briony disappearing in the Und Isolde. ITs central vision is the idea clear that Joe’s life is far from what he It is written in typical McEwan style, he face of the enormous human tragedy of that “only as an aesthetic phenomenon are would want it to be, he gradually becomes delves deep into the minds of both Joe and the war. Meanwhile, Briony gives up her existence and the world justified.” Making jealous of Clarissa and embittered by her Parry, showing the breakdown of Joe’s life dreams of following Cecelia to Cambridge his distinction between the Apollonian and disbelief in his situation, dissatisfied with in precise detail. It is ironic that, in the end, and becomes a nurse, believing this will the Dionysian spirit, Nietzsche presses his career, and paranoid about Parry, his all love is broken down except Parry’s for alleviate her guilt. She also believes the reader to consider why it is that we stalker. Parry is a religious fanatic suffering Joe, his is the only love which proves to be her atonement is somehow wrapped derive pleasure from tragic art and what from De Clerambaults syndrome, a mental enduring. This is a really incredible piece up in Robbie’s survival and Cecelia’s is th relationship between our experience condition which involves a random, of writing, deeply psychological, though forgiveness. of suffering in life and in art. The Birth of immediate feeling of absolute love for perhaps a little dry for non-McEwan fans. It The story is simple, but the emotional Tragedy, first publbished in 1871, was the a stranger, and a following dangerous requires a careful reading, at least twice, to undercurrents make it a moving and author’s first book. obsession. From the initial event of a father fully appreciate its complexities. interesting work, concerning class Books for future discussion include losing control of a hot air balloon with his Atonement: “How can a novelist achieve prejudices, sexual repression, and the World Touching the Void by Joe Simpson and How son in it, all events and characters unfold atonement when, with her absolute power War. to Be Good by Nick Hornby.

17 October 2002 COMMUNICATE 23 A letter from Forest - the treat that awaits you this week from the J-Team

j-team.biz j-team.biz out that it was s’posed to be normal to happen. I found out it was part of what they called - pub-erty which until recently my daddy had always told me was a 70’s game show. team “Anyway when I tried to phone my old best mates on their first show back I was rudely asked who I was. I fink it was cos the effects of pub-erty they didn’t recognise me cos I now have a beard aswell. I told them and they did not believe me. I convinced them but I was sacked cos I wasn’t funny no more. “Ringing the J-team was the highlight of my week. It was the only highlight of my week I remember. I don’t mind that I was sacked cos they are very good anyway and they don’t J need me. However I am extremely concerned for their celebrity health cos they might be getting bigger heads and might not get through the door to do their shows anymore. I believe this may be the reason that more and more outside broadcasts are taking place. I fink that some weeks their heads are too big for the studio so they have to arrange it somewhere else. I hope that they realise that they should keep close to their best mates cos they will be wondering where they are when they get really big cos their old best mates will be too small for them too see. “Now that I am ex-spelled from the J-team I won’t be doing anything with my life and I will be always bored. I will truly mean the saying “I ain’t been doin much really” much more than I meant it before cos I was doing the phoning thing. “I still respect the J-team and hope that my warning is more than words. Maybe I could words: Judge Mental with assistance from forest parks draw a picture and sing a song to help the message. “Hopefully one day Mr J Mental and Mr M Tea will forgive me for not being funny There I was, struggling away with pen and paper, desperately trying anymore. I hope that one day there will be a space inside their show for me. to decide on some content for this weeks J-Column, when this email “forest.” arrived. How the dimwit managed to figure out the use of email is Well, Parks, that really is very nice. I have to admit Tea and I were a anybody’s guess! Have a read as it really is quite touching. little stuck when we first heard your new voice. Truth is we do kind “Hello its forest ere. of miss you despite the new fellow, Matthew, being pretty amazing. “I used to ring up the J-team on GU2 to speak to them cos they were always really nice too me. However I recently turned to 21 years old cos it was my 21st birthday. This was weird Should forest be allowed to return to The J-Team Classic? Email a and I experienced some strange changes in myself. I found out that my voice was broken ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ to [email protected] today! and there was no way of fixing it and I would be stuck with a broken voice until I die or the scientists in America find a way to fix it. This was hard to come to terms with until I found The J-Team Classic every Thursday | 7-10pm

Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz Alas - a change of position for the hallowed lyrics quiz. Fear not, though, for this week’s quiz is of a higher than high standard thanks to the incredible minds that put it together for you: Mr Jimbo Sheppard with assistance from Mr Tea and one Amelia Lefroy (pictured below as featured “attractive person of the week”.) They hope you like the challenge. An- the.net swers are somewhere to be found in these parts... bringing you the randomness from cyberspace words: chris “funkyberry” hunter 1. And the whole world has to answer right back 2. Your brother’s gonna kill me and he’s six feet ten If anyone was at CAGL, or who wasn’t at CAGL but still likes 3. I’m not afraid ... any morrrre! uplifting house and trance music, then www.kfcnetworks.com 4. Whatever happens next is all a blur, but you remember fist can be a verb is an online radio station that does a 10hour broadcast over New 5. Your lipstick mark still on my coffee cup Year. They start with celebrating one time zone’s New Year, and 6. Because it’s insignificant, and it don’t help to pay my rent then go all the way through. They produce a CD that has the 7. Take off all your precious clothes whole 10hour broadcast on, and only costs $13!! So far I have 8. Girl brings two plates of full English over, with plenty of scrambled eggs and plenty of managed 9hours non-stop – let me know if you beat that! fried tomata Anyone that has an email account must at some point have received 9. Listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell? some joke or amusing attachment. Do you ever wonder where they 10. Those pretty faces always make you stand out from the crowd come from, or where they end up? Well at www.jardmail.co.uk you can find most of them. Remember - we are still having the “who In the car modification market, there are a lot of companies shall the token attractive person be this that offer everything from body kits to fluffy dice. A way you week in the lyrics quiz area of barefacts.” could refer to some of these companies is “Jack of all trades, Last week, in its inaugural week, the pre- master of none”. www.veilside.com/veilsideusa could be considered as a master. Just go senters of News- to the Aero-Fashion part of the site, and look at all the different cars they have modified. round were the “Ooooooooo…” was my reaction. My favourite is the BMW E46 3-Series! visual treat for all Finally today, I obviously have to finish with a random site, and site I have chosen is those who ventured www.snapyourdesk.barkins.com . Here you can take a photo of your desk at work, or that far. Perhaps home, and email it to the guy who runs the site. You can then cycle through, and look at if you have a sug- everyone’s desk!! How cool is that! A shot of my desk where I worked on placement is gestion, or perhaps under “101-150 Desks”. have your say even a picture, then you should let us know your thoughts. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you, but just in case:

[email protected] 24 INTERACTIVE 17 October 2002

£100: in the Walt Disney film of the same name, what type of creature is Bambi? WORD a: deer | b: elephant | c: mouse | d: cat An Ex-pat is not an ex-pat until they have at least been a pat in the first Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? place. An X-pat, however, needs no prior qualifications. £200: according to folklore, what does the sandman help children to do? X a: sleep | b: grow | c: cross the road | d: build sandcastles £300: what do you do if you “grease someone’s palm”? a: tell a fortune | b: bribe someone | c: give a warning | d: shake hands

£500: who played James Bond in the 1967 film “You Only Live Twice”? a: george lazenby | b: timothy dalton | c: roger moore | d: sean connery

£1k: where was Leonardo Da Vinci born? a: palermo | b: milan | c: leonardo | d: vinci

£2k: which of these films did not star Cher? a: mask | b: mermaids | c: misery | d: moonstruck

£4k: what was Ray’s surname in “Dallas”? a: ewing | b: barnes | c: harper | d: krebbs

£8k: what is the name of the television news company in “Drop the Dead Donkey”? a: globelink news | b: transworld news | c: united broadcasting | d: kytv

£16k: which artist dued in Polynesia in 1903? a: gaugin | b: monet | c: degas | d: chagall

£32k: which television creatures ate Blue String Pudding? across down a: the flumps | b: the clangers | c: the wombles | d: the smurfs 1. sit for portrait [4] 2. broadcasting [2,3] 4. discernment [5] 3. hold spellbound [7] £64k: in which Charles Dickens novel does Mrs Pardiggle appear? 9. design using geometrical forms 4. streets [13] a: our mutual friend | b: bleak house | c: pickwick papers | d: little dorrit [2,3] 5. bitter [5] 10. rich [7] 6. retired academics [7] £125k: which of these Frank Sinatra songs reached the top of the UK pop charts? 11. development area? [4-4] 7. scandinavian [6] a: strangers in the night | b: my way | c: love and marriage | d: high hopes 12. menu item [4] 8. irritation [4] 13. inferno [13] 14. harmful [7] £250k: who was the wife of Rembrandt, the subject of many of his paintings? 17. scripture passage [4] 15. unplaced horse [4-3] a: monica | b: letitia | c: saskia | d: corinna 18. unseen by audience [8] 16. sewing implement [6] 21. fish soup [7] 17. diplomacy [4] £500k: Karl Lansteiner won a Nobel Prize for his discovery of what? 22. highly [5] 19. chasm [5] a: blood groups | b: small pox vaccine | c: dna | d: insulin 23. body cavity [5] 20. norse god [4] 24. inquisitive £1m: Ginger Rogers won a Best Actress Oscar for the film “Kitty Foyle”, releasd in which year? a: 1934 | b: 1936 | c: 1938 | d: 1940

I had intended last week’s eye spy to be very hard, and only a couple of people who told me the answer actually worked it out. This week is much easier. - funkyberry - 17 October 2002 CLASSIFIEDS & THINGS 25

ife After The Womb words: rich w Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give LifeL After the Womb has not been around for a week or two now a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings and would like to offer its sincerest archipelagos for this slight within Battersea Court Rawson… deviation in the usual weekly service it provides. As ever, there is a perfectly good explanation for such wilful abandonment of one’s duties, though, some- rompted by the lack of flushing power rom the moment I found out I was be what dubiously, the details of these ‘extra-curricular activities’ cannot be divulged at this Pour toilet has, I’ve been thinking this Fliving in Battersea Rawson this year, moment in time. Of course, as soon as LATW is given the go ahead, things will resume week about stubborn poo. If you are quite I’ve noticed a rather bizarre occurrence normal service. There are a coule of things to look forward too - LATW has interecepted a into green issues, then its fine to put bricks which I call the “Rawson Phenomenon” memo from a tyre company to a car manufacturer discussing the building of a new road to in your toilet to save water when you water. – only a tiny number of people at Surrey meet their advertising needs (curvy, wet, has a bridge and steep bits etc.) and will publish But what about the times when you lay have ever heard of our house. I’ve lost count this in full soon. LATW has also been fortunate enough to receive a transcript from the Na- a Buoyant Betty, a Heavy Harry, or even of the number of times people have replied tional Institute for the Development of Words & Language regarding the day Guiness was a Sploshy Simon? The toilet just isn’t “Battersea Dawson?” when told where I officially admitted to the English dictionary and the subsequent plural argument that nearly designed to flush these entities away with live, and even the warden forgot our house split the institute in two. This, and lots more, to look forward too in future LATW’s... the reduced water capacity a brick provides, during his talk at our first Senior Resident and you just end up flushing the toilet 3 or meeting! 4 times to get rid of it. Not to mention the SO, I HEAR you ask, where is Rawson? extra trees you waste on all the paper you Well, it’s situated opposite the library the surrey scoop put in to “help it down”! and launderette between Wells (the newly Well there has been a frenzy of action going on recently. The Surrey Scoop investigators WEEK 6, OR week 7 possibly by the time you refurbished one) and Pickard – hence it’s have been running round wildly trying to keep up with you all. But some news has reached are reading this. I can’t believe how quickly the only house in Battersea Court without the Surrey Scoop headquarters that certain people seem to think their actions are exempt the time is going by! Rawson 3 is aiming to a fire escape (are they trying to tell us from reporting here. We would like to reiterate that we are here to expose the truth and be the first kitchen to celebrate Christmas, something by putting us here?). The view NOONE is exempt from this. If you do something report-worthy we feel it is our duty to let st and we will have our decorations up by 1 from my bedroom window encompasses the others know about it too. In fact telling the editor what you have done and that you do not November – according to Amy. I wasn’t court bike sheds, reception and the dustbins want to see it in the Surrey Scoop is a pretty sure way of getting it included, so here it is… sure where to get a Christmas tree from, – could one ask for anything more?! We’ve heard of double dates but this one was slightly different. A young lady who and was thinking about it as I looked out A FAMILIAR CONCEPT to all those living on was mentioned here a few weeks ago and her fellow ‘winner’ member of bar staff were my window…and then I suddenly saw the campus is, of course, the obligatory 7am involved in a tag-team marathon with two of our finest members of security. Not only was solution to my problems! Do you reckon Fire Alarm Test. Ours occurred last Tuesday, there open, continual swapping of partners all night but they all seemed very happy with anyone will notice if we cut off the top of but due to being a heavy sleeper, I only the arrangement. Is this the future of pulling in the union? Seemed to work for them! that big Christmas tree on the grass on the woke up a good ten minutes after it had We express our condolences to the final year Biological Scientist who, only three months way up to Wates House?! started. I made my way to Court Reception, into the romance of the century, unexpectedly found his Surrey Court girlfriend finishing I DO IN fact have the coolest parents in the and was greeted by the sight of over 50 with him very publicly. But we think you should reassess your plan to give up on women, world. My mum couldn’t find me a birthday dressing-gown clad Rawson-ers huddling in as we know of one young lady waiting patiently in the wings for the time to be right to cake, so she bought me a Christmas cake the TV lounge. pounce! and put flowers on to cover the holly. She AFTER TRYING IN vain to convince the warden then put a candle in, and just in case I didn’t that I really had slept through it, I was given words: a nonny mouse have anything to light the candle with, she a personal talk by the fire safety guy and even included a box of matches! then had to put up with at least ten “so it was THIS WEEK WE got a new toaster, which is a you who slept through it!” type comments shame, as now I don’t have any burnt toast from my housemates. I thought that was the to pin to my wall! I’ll have to find something last I would hear of it, until Thursday when I gossip else to burn and put on my wall! received a warning letter from the warden in chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter my pigeon hole, informing me that he would A young lady who works behind the bar might have got a bit of a shock recently when be “talking to my senior resident about this she pulled a once very hairy (now just semi-hairy) member of staff. He managed to make it occurrence” – quite comic, when you realise out of the cellars and from behind the bar to reportedly make a hole in the back of the poor you will notice the apostrophe here that my senior resident is, in fact, me!! girls head! - deliberate mistake... ‘ickle sarah butterworth More reports of DJ’s in the union but this one is of Radio 1 fame. While security were slightly curious when confronted with a ‘do not disturb’ sign on his dressing room door, they were even more so when they saw him leaving the union with one more person than he had arrived with. CLASSIFIEDS WARNING - Serial flirt on the loose. It has come to the attention of residents of Another new bit, and thanks University Court that there is a girl amongst them who seems to be defining the art of to JPB for this one. Basi- teasing. The first year psychology and sociology student seems to be rapidly moving cally, if you have anything around the guys of the court and threatens to diverge to other courts. She has left a host you want selling then do of traumatised males in her wake. We feel this could all be just practice for the prick tease it here - bf will take 1% world championships in Sheffield early next year. of all sales brought about A final year Sociology Student and a first year Music student from Guildford Court, through advertising and do- participating in a house competition to collect the most flowers on the way back from nate it to RAG. Send all Cindies were stopped by the police and threatened with a night in the cells for criminal classifieds and enquiries to damage. The plea that they all came from waste ground obviously worked. [email protected] with We want to hear from you. E-mail us any gossip that occurs to thesurreyscoop@hotmail the subject .com. Or alternatively if you have done something you are ashamed of, just go and tell the matter editor not to put it in… then its bound not to appear here!!! “classi- fieds” Would you rather have the answers in the same week’s barefacts or the week after? Let us know: [email protected]. Still no-one has said anything and I haven’t changed this

bit for bloomin’ ages. Tsk.

- Complicated (8) The Streets - Don’t Mug Yourself (9) The Beatles - P.S. I Love You (10) Jackson 5 - I Wan’t You Back You Wan’t I - 5 Jackson (10) You Love I P.S. - Beatles The (9) Yourself Mug Don’t - Streets The (8) Complicated -

Earth (4) Bloodhound Gang - I Hope You Die (5) Take That - Back for Good (6) Ms Dynamite - It Takes More (7) Avril Lavigne Lavigne Avril (7) More Takes It - Dynamite Ms (6) Good for Back - That Take (5) Die You Hope I - Gang Bloodhound (4) Earth

: (1) Michael Jackson - Bad (2) The Police - Can’t Stand Losing You (3) Belinda Carlise - Heaven is a Place on on Place a is Heaven - Carlise Belinda (3) You Losing Stand Can’t - Police The (2) Bad - Jackson Michael (1) : Quiz Lyrics odin

3. enthral | 4. thoroughfares | 5. sour | 6. emeriti | 7. nordic | 8. itch | 14. noxious | 15. also-ran | 16. needle | 17. tact | 19. abyss | 20. 20. | abyss 19. | tact 17. | needle 16. | also-ran 15. | noxious 14. | itch 8. | nordic 7. | emeriti 6. | sour 5. | thoroughfares 4. | enthral 3.

: 2. on air | | air on 2. : down nosy 24. | sinus 23. | royal 22. | chowder 21. | offstage 18. | text 17. | conflagration 13. | dish 12. | dark-room 11. |

: 1. pose | 4. taste | 9. op art | 10. opulent opulent 10. | art op 9. | taste 4. | pose 1. : across to 4. | merry 1. across: opus 17. | straight 15. | approximately 12. | allocate 11. | oral

1. shore | 4. tall | 8. minicab | 9. peach | 10. 10. | peach 9. | minicab 8. | tall 4. | shore 1. across: : Xword . d]. : £1m [ a]; : £500k [ c]; : £250k [ a]; : £125k [ b]; : £64k [ b]; : £32k

>> Marlboro racing bike, 501 frame, 12 speed, good condition, £70. [ : a]; : £16k [ a]; : £8k [ d]; : £4k [ c]; : £2k [ d]; : £1k [ d]; : £500 [ b]; : £300 [ a]; : £200 [ a]; : £100 [ : WWTBEAM Upside-Down Answers Upside-Down 26 STARS & PERSONALS 17 October 2002

ALMOST ACCURATE ASTROLOGY Virgo Aquarius Beware of the cameras - they are words and predicting: rachel plummer Best to be a little careful this week not your friend and they never will and watch your back - people be: you have been warned! Others may find it Aries whose names begin with S will be troublesome and the C’s funny to challende you and trick you. Damn them. If you knew that the door was closed, why did will be making themselves obvious. Remember that the you run into it? Maybe you should just think a best for you will always be R - sort of steady in a worrying Libra little, eh? Can you not see what is right in front sort of way... A difficult week for all of you I am afraid. High of you? Really - you should take a good look... stress levels will cause sleepless nights and it Sagittarius will seem as if the world is on its last legs for Pisces The bushes all laugh at you - can you not hear you. But do not worry, because the sun is shining on the Financial troubles? Hmmm - methinks you them? No - not the voices in your head - I said other side of the hill. should try a budget. We mean “try” in the the bushes. You know the ones you regulalry loosest possible sense of the word, of course... jump into? Well - a little less alcohol and maybe you won’t Scorpio feel it quite so necessary to become so aquainted with our Why do you have to chase the ducks? No Leo prickly friends in future... seriously - unless you stop this very stupid habit Quite moaning because you are doing then you will soon be having hallucinations everybody’s head in - including your own. Can As an interesting point, the alliance of the gravitational about the blue one in particular - that is if you can get the you not just zip it for one moment? Time to go potential wells in and around our own solar system will silver duck out of your head first. Failing that, security back to the Oak tree - you know that that has always been result in a magnificent display known to the inhabitants of will pop by and have words about your sunflower seed the best solution in the past - no need to change that now. this fine earth as “car-parking maximus terrbliness” and collection. Otherwise - go feed the cat. What cat? Er... will disrupt the normal behavioural patterns of those we normally think of as “ok.” Such people will begin to act Taurus Gemini totally irrationally once they are anywhere near these areas Are you following a healthy diet? The rings of Remember that it takes two to tango - go tell that, cosmologically speaking, we call grey expanses, and Saturn reveal that you are having difficulties that special someone how you feel - you cannot will experience total disatisfaction with their fellow man. with your weekly food budget - is this the live life without taking the odd risk or two. Be Sorry about that. reason you are having to eat those extra chocolate bars a true romantic and take that leap of faith and remember the which, you must remember, are not really worth it when most important thing: smile! you have all of those bananas. Now, digressing somewhat, it has come to our attention that Cancer people are struggling with this personals business - it is all Capricorn “I’m going to relax like everybody should.” very easy: send an e-mail to [email protected] with You need to take a good look at yourself and do Truer words have never been spoken. Why “personals” as the subject matter and leave you rmessage[s] a yearly analysis of your lifestyle this week. Or don’t you take heed of the advice and stop within the main body of the e-mail. We’re trying ot figure - to save the hassle - Jupiter reveals for you that rushing around like a blue-arsed fly. Chill out a bit - out an on-line submission process to make it a little easier, you are way too forgetful and need to get a hold of your believe me - you need to. but we doubt that will make much difference. N’eh mind memory. Wake up to reality, my friend. - we try. Anyway - hope that helps. Send away...

Remember: all of our astrologers are accredited by the Society of Fake Astrology (SOFA) - your future isn’t safe in their hands at all...

Missing Panda!- please report any Dazed and confused: Minions searching #3! You have my name written all over “Lets get out the party bag again, campus sightings to Friary 1-14 for missing Badger! you (aparentley). Can I have it back or how many archer’s aquas have you do u want to share?? drunk?!” To Evan - will u take the hint and marry J! Where’s Your Pub me you sexy drunken welsh ignoramus! Crawl Gone!!! Personals So the bus never came! “Southern faery wins hands down, apart That I can believe but it’s from battle bruises...;) Pink hair is all the rage these days! Knickers, in the bus stop “waiting for a bit harsh to call her a bus!!! the bus”. Were you really!! Bring back Outrage! I’d kick her in the b*ll*cks, if she had A pub crawl that involves meeting in some! Am I relly an alcoholic if I don’t go to Channies, moving on to Roots and then www.j-team.biz/guestbook/ Go have a AA meetings yet? the union. Genius!!!! look! B.NM. - what a pr*ck! Liv, did you carry a watermelon? Don’t worry freshers, it’s quite normal Justin! Aparentley you went home It hurts when you bang your head after Weyside girlies remember... to play air guitar on your knees in the empty handed. At least you’ve got your the union! Thumbalina dance, union to Chesney. No, it is...... honest...... shampoo. Mint!!! Thumbalina sing, You’ll understand soon enough! If you behave yourself tonight, I’ll Thumbalina, Thumbalina Has anyone seen Nathan??? become a lesbian!! you tiny little Mint Sahmpoo!!!! Ave It! thing... My opinion isn’t going to change on this Moley moley MOLE! How many liver transpalnts can you one: RICHY WATTS is STILL get up!!! Charity Dinner Dance Tickets on sale to have on the NHS??? Adam: “Can you bring it out here an all Students from Tuesday 22nd. 12-2 in Missing: Strange man with Leeds give us some oral entertainment?” the lecture theatre concourse. See flyer’s OK, OK. Yes I have been here far too accent, has dark hair, wears glasses and Sorry, AUral..... around campus for more details long, I seem to be a regular but I am still is often seen wearing football t-shirts technically a student! and zip up tops; occasionally responds to Beardy beardy NECK!!! so v+k, who’s your fave GILF? the name Nathan.....If found unconscious Alv, we know that you love the phone in bathroom, please return to Pepe and USSU Drop off point = Battersea Vixx ya lazy bitch, when are you gonna calls really!! co... Rawson 2 make it to your thursday morning lectures!?! The first rule of mate club is: Don’t be a You cleaned your rug yet Jenny?? Bins? Don’t put your foot in it! c**t! We all miss our roomie, but he had a Funkyberry! Congratulations! You’ve If you must give me a love bite, then nice reunion with our bathroom last The second rule of mate club is: DONT won yourself a J-Team shirt! Simply next time choose somewhere that’s easily week! Can’t you hear us? Then take that BE A C**T!!! make a payment of £19.99 shipping & hidden!!! ;o) bog roll out of your ear! handling to the boys and your brand Keep Wednesday afternoons free for spanking new shirt will be with you in J is the best girl around Moley Moley Mole! sport(does that include placement too?) weeks! Well done again! 17 October 2002 SPORT 27 University sports leagues Surrey suffer stuttering start

The University Sports Leagues (USL) are run in partnership between UniSport and the The first couple of weeks are always the worst Students’ Union here at Surrey, and are a great way for people to get involved in organised sport at the University, particularly if perhaps the Sports teams aren’t for you. By Kris Temple which started yesterday (Wednesday) with a The leagues are open to EVERYONE studying or working at the University, and the home fixture against King’s. idea is that you grab a group of people off your course or from your courts of residence, In what can only be described as an afternoon The Men’s Rugby team bounced back from and represent your department / court in the competition. Some departments already have to forget, Surrey were put to the sword by a their defeat at Chichester, with a fighting designated sports reps who are actively seeking to fill teams, so keep an eye out for the competitive group of Southampton Institute display against Institute, eventually going noticeboard in your department. Lots, however, do not and this is a call out to anyone who sides, in the final round of friendlies before down though by a 22-7 margin – Scott might be interested in becoming sports rep for your department or court! the BUSA (British Universities) league Thompson with the try. Even if you don’t fancy running the whole thing in your department, why not enter a team season. And anyone that hasn’t heard about There were also tricky tests for the Men’s st anyway? No experience is needed, the emphasis is on fun and participation. Last year we VP Sports’ Denise Goodwin’s goal for the Hockey teams, with the 1 XI beaten 8-4 rd had over 1000 students from 20 departments and courts taking part! Entry is free to UniSport Women’s Football team, you must have by Institute, and the 3 s defeated 5-0 by cardholders, or 50p per week if you don’t have one. been hiding under a rock for the last week! the Law College, in their opening SESSA It’s a bit urgent though because the competitions begin on Monday 21st October, so we need With a block of ten fixtures against the League fixture. your entries in by THIS FRIDAY (18th)!! Entry forms and further details are available from Institute, only Men’s Squash and Women’s A full programme of BUSA fixtures the Sports Centre, but just to give you a taster, we run Men’s Soccer, Mixed Soccer, UniHoc, Football came out with anything to show for began yesterday, and will take place every Netball and Volleyball this term. their efforts, as the depth of talent available Wednesday at both the Sports Centre and So what are you waiting for?! Grab your coursemates, housemates, or even people who to the traditionally ‘sporty’ South Coast Varsity Centre, beginning at 2pm. All aren’t your mates, and get involved in USL! outfit shone through. support is very much appreciated by all our In a particularly torrid afternoon for the teams, and of course the Varsity Bar is open Football Club, all four teams crashed to all day, so get yourself a shandy and enjoy defeat, with the 4ths 15-0 drubbing by far the action! the most severe demolition of the day. Paul Sumner’s 1st team fought well on a straw- This week at UniSport like Varsity surface, before succumbing 2-0, and there were also reverses for the 2nds and 3rds, 4-0 and 5-0 respectively. With over NATIONAL LEAGUE ROUNDUP 700 freshers attending the Institute trials, compared to 160 here at Surrey, the gulf in UK Packaging play World No. 1 trump card but its not enough to beat UniSPORT class is probably reasonable! Guildford Skipper Natalie Tarrant inspired the Women’s Football team to victory on her UK PACKAGING CONNAUGHT 2 – 3 UNISPORT GUILDFORD return from placement – hers was the first goal in a 2-1 win, with Goodwin sealing the UniSPORT Guildford got the season off to a great start by beating UK Packaging triumph for Surrey. Connaught who fielded the World No. 1 Peter Nicol. Fortunately for us by the time Nicol Despite losing out at first-string level, Chris went on court against Steve Meads (World no. 30) the match was already won. UniSPORT Petch’s Squash 1st team proved too strong Guildford got off to a great start winning the first two matches with Fiona Geaves (World for Institute, and cruised to a 4-1 success in a no. 10) beating Karla Khan 3 – 2 and Scottish International Neil Frankland beating his perfect warm-up for their BUSA campaign, compatriot Stuart Cowie 3 – 1. Toby Mortimer (Under 19) lost his match to Stephen Richardson 3 - 0 but in form Stacey Ross rounded up a superb night beating Tim Garner 3 – 1 who last year beat our number 1 Paul Johnson. PJ is currently out of action at the moment and so Steve Meads had the pleasure of taking on the World No. 1 losing 3 – 0. If you want to see World Class Squash at the Varsity Centre, UniSPORT Guildford’s first home game of the season is on Tuesday 22nd October against League Champions Lexden. For more details contact the Varsity Centre tel. 68(9242).

OH WHAT A NIGHT LATINO EVENING University of Surrey Coaching

This term’s Latino Evening at the Varsity Centre sold out early again and the night was a huge success. The night which was full of tequila and salsa dancing complete with a in the Community Mexican meal, was wild and great fun. If you missed out this time, the next Latino Evening will be next term so keep looking at Coaching in the Community is a new initiative aimed at our website or Bare Facts for details. giving students the opportunity to gain experience and coaching qualifications, whilst helping the community UNISPORT EVENTS through volunteering work 22nd October NSL UniSPORT Guildford v Lexden Varsity Centre 27th October Tango Workshop University Hall Contact: Denise Goodwin (VP Sports) 1st November Beer Festival Varsity Centre Sports Office 4th November Quiz Night Varsity Centre Union House Tel: (01483) 689981 #9981 Email: [email protected]

www.unisport.co.uk 28 17 October 2002 SURREY PRIDE Men’s hockey romp home with impressive 7-0 victory

The Mens Hockey 1st XI took on Sanderstead this last By James Oliver Saturday. Having just been relegated, Sanderstead seemed to be some formidable opposition and the Sanderstead 1XI 0 Surrey team descended on to the pitch with their usual University of Surrey 1XI 7 swagger-some more influenced by FNO than others. The match started off well, with some good flowing movements from both sides, and it was obvious from the With the three goal cushion, Surrey suddenly took the pace very beginning that this was to be a closely fought out up a gear, and managed to score another well worked move match. Surrey managed to get the opener though, after some starting from left back Lowell, and finishing from another relentless Surrey pressure and Miles amanaged to slot one well struck shot from POB. Sanderstead were feeling quite home. The second came through the return of the Liability dejected and obviously not paying full attention, as straight Kid (Alvin) and scored a well struck shot that beat the keeper from the push back Surrey accelerated into the oppositions through a well judged deflection of the defenders foot. D and struck home again this time through Trixie. Sanderstead were unrelenting though and made a Surrey started pulling all the tricks out of the bag at this several sweeping moves that culminated in them point, and Marc almost managed a wonder goal with his winning a short corner. This one however, led to at drag flick striking the bar. Further goals were added from least ten on the trot, but the resilient defence managed POB, and another short corner strike from Marc Rogers. to keep a clean sheet through some excellent keeping Sanderstead were left stunned, as were Surrey, but this from Paul. At half time the score was one nil. well worked win was thoroughly deserved and shows the in here somewhere), and Man of the Match was voted as After an inspiring team talk from Skipper Miles, Surrey hard work that the team has put in other the past weeks. Paul (keeper) after a brave and solid excellent display. The knew they could overcome this team through a little extra Celebrations were carried on into the bar, and the drinking seconds returned announcing their 2-2 draw against Merton, hard work. The second half started off as the first had, hard continued well into the night. POB was given Dick of the and the drinking games commenced with several “young” work being re paid quickly as Surrey scored a well worked Day, for no apparent reason (perhaps “If in Doubt” has left men being suitably broken. All in all a great day for Surrey short corner, and Marc Rogers taking the team three up. us once and for all-hey I’m writing it so I’m going Hockey.

Women’s football have winning Mixed fortune for netball teams start to season away at Southampton Institute What a result! This By Nat Tarrant coming off her line By Beth must be the first time to claim the ball. we’ve won our first Southampton Institute 1 The first half Southampton Institute 1st 18 game of the season. University of Surrey 2 finished 1-0 but University of Surrey 1st 22 Traditionally we should have been always lose in double more. Heather and figures! It was the first time we’ve played Linda hit the post and cross bar and Collette Southampton Institute 2nd 26 together and for many of the freshers, it was made some superb runs through the middle. University of Surrey 2nd 18 the first time they’d even played a match! In the second half, Southampton started to After explaining positions and tactics, I come back at us. However the back four put made it clear that we weren’t worried about in a solid performance throughout so they The Surrey Netball first and second teams the score but just wanted everyone to enjoy didn’t become a threat. After 20 minutes traveled away to Southampton Institute themselves, though winning would be a Denise Goodwin scored a well-placed goal last Wednesday for a friendly to prepare bonus. in the bottom right hand corner which was them for the new season, trying to equal The first half started well, with everyone a result from some excellent play between the impressive success both teams had last keeping to their positions and not all chasing Carly and Heather. year. the ball. Heather Ford managed to get a few Southampton managed to break through The firsts face a tough season this year early shots on goal, testing the keeper. She the defence and scored a consolation goal trying to follow in the footsteps of the said she played centre back but I think with about 10 minutes to go. I was really excellent unbeaten record of the team last we’ve found our new forward! We started to impressed with our passing and everyone year. With the departures of many of the put some good passing moves together and gave 100% effort. Player of the match goes regular first team players, the squad was managed to keep Southampton in their own to Carly who did an excellent job down the an experimental one, with many new faces. half. Eventually we got a well-deserved goal left and played some good balls through to They coped brilliantly though. After a shaky from the left. I crossed the ball but it ended the forwards. I am not looking forward to first quarter, players soon found their feet up in the top right hand corner! trying to pick a team for our first BUSA and managed to keep with the high pace set Southampton had two chances on goal match next week as everyone played really by the Institute players. In the second half but goalie Rach made two excellent saves well! Bring it on! the defense (Antoinette, Vacant and BBF) really came into their own, intercepting brilliantly and stopping many goals from being scored. An unfortunate injury saw George carried off court, and Squeaky had to give us a hand! Despite a bit of friction mid-court (Pinky!!), overall play was at an impressive standard which showed in the close, but favorable scoreline. The seconds saw the arrival of many new players (hence not many nicknames – soon to be rectified!). This was not a problem as they soon settled in to play a comfortable game of netball. Highlights of the game included fresher, Meg, running into a gate (?!) and Shoeless Jo spending a lot of time on the floor! Unfortunately the seconds faced a tough team and they narrowly lost. Still things can only get better!!