Light at the End of August

St Augustine's Dumbarton

The New Look Issue 38 September 2009 £1.00 Light at the End of August

Sunday 30th August was a big day for the Parish!

Bishop Idris returned from his retiral to bap- tise Jackie Brown, (pictured), Confirm seven of our folk, and bless the, unfinished, hall! (Well the interior Contents was just about as finished as you can get!) From Kenny Page 2 Louise and Hannah Barnes, Gavin Elder, Evelyn O’Neill, Margaret Rotas White, Charlie Brown Page 5 and Jean Redford were all Confirmed as we cel- St. James the Least ebrated the Feast of St Page 6 Augustine, our Patronal Saint. Photos Our Praise Band was Page 7 - 10 also in full voice, and the substantial buffet Wait Till I Tell You disappeared like the Page 11-12 proverbial “snow aff a dyke“! Smile Lines After so many months of Page 13 being squeezed into the church building for all Parish News our events, as well as Page 14 sharing it with “hall users”, it was important that we had a celebra- Parish Events tion Sunday which was Page 15 so successful! We will remember it for a long Parish Directory time! Page 16 1 for what it brought to the world-wide Anglican From Kenny Communion. It was wonderful to have In appreciation for all that he had done for us, Bishop Idris with us on we presented him with a bottle of “The Fa- August 30th, when we mous Idris”, (it helps to have a packaging had much to celebrate. technologist in Edrington), and the back of the To come out of retire- bottle proclaimed, “Remembered with grati- ment for our Patronal tude for his years as Bishop of Glasgow & Gal- Festival and for a day of loway and Primus of the Scottish Episcopal great celebration for us Church”. Perhaps it’s not the sort of thing was a particular joy for that’s drunk and thrown away, but will instead many of us. During his be the talking point of his cocktail cabinet for Episcopate in Glasgow and Galloway, he was years to come! particularly involved, and extremely supportive through, some very important moments for Now the Diocese has to elect a new Bishop, us. and this should be done by 16th January next year. I find myself on the Preparatory Commit- +Idris’ first task as Bishop was to handle our tee for this election, which is an incredibly re- “vacancy” after the de- sponsible position. We parture of Miriam need to look at all the Byrne, and guide An- nominations received, drew Faust through his sift through them all, first steps in ministry. and select three to five Of course another inter- names to put before the regnum ensued, and Electoral Synod by the you ended up with me end of December. in 2001! Please remember me, and others in this Com- The Restoration needed mittee, as we set about to be kicked into action, our task. and with the support of Idris and The Diocese, As far as the election was completed in 2003. itself is concerned, Tim Rhead as our Lay Rep- He was extremely sup- resentative, and I will portive and understand- both have a vote when ing when I managed, the time comes. Again, through folly, to grace I would ask you for the front pages of the your prayers! national press, and he helped us through that Meanwhile, the day-to- particularly difficult day running of the Dio- time. cese will fall into the lap of the Dean, although Pushing us to complete the new Primus, +David work in hand, replacing our “hut” with a new Chillingworth, Bishop of St Andrews Dunkeld hall, was finally realised, and it was fitting that and Dunblane is, in effect, our Bishop until a he should bless it before retreating to Largs for new appointment is made. a well-deserved retirement. It is with gratitude that we remember Idris Being Primus of the Scottish Episcopal Church and pray that the Holy Spirit will provide us in these troubled times was never going to be with a very worthy successor! Kenny an easy task, but with a quiet dignity he en- sured that the SEC was heard and appreciated 2 MONOTHEISM AND THE the Aton religion of Amenophis IV, who called him- self ‘Echnaton’(agreeable to Aton). By degree he for- LANGUAGE OF VIOLENCE bid the worship of the gods of Egypt and introduced the sole worship of the sun, Aton. (From Brigitte Williams) The introduction of the new religion was violently This is the title of a book by the Egyptologist Jan enforced, but was only shortly lived. Yet it seemed to Assman. In the preface to the book the editor writes: have spread by degree also to Palestine. Psalm 104 “It is a permanent but seemingly unending task of shows similarity with the Egyptian hymns of crea- society and culture to work against violence in lan- tion. The emergence of the monotheistic religion guage and in action.” must be remembered in ‘great accounts’ like the book of Exodus or the Koran. Exodus or the Fundamental Assmann concentrates in his book on the violence Story of Israel amounts to a proclamation of the su- connected with religious ideas and problems, espe- perior power of Yahweh , Egypt representing the cially in Hebrew Monotheism. false and idolatry.

He calls the basic expression of monotheism, the be- The problem is not violent action, as e.g. the acquisi- lief in a single God, the distinction between true and tion of Canaan , which cannot be distinguished from untrue religion, the ‘Mosaic Differentiation’, since other contemporary robberies of the time, but the lan- biblical tradition connects it with Moses. guage of violence, in which scenes of massacres, of punitive actions and displacements, of forced di- The gods of ancient religions differed in name, form vorces of mixed marriages etc. are described. Even and function, but could be exchangeable and translat- the revelation on Sinai, with the accompanying story ed. They were international, because they were cos- of the Golden Calf and its violent consequences sur- mic. Different people worshipped different gods, but round the foundation of Israel with all signs of vio- never denied legitimacy to the gods of others. The lence. notion of a religion that wasn’t true did not exist in the world of polytheistic religions. The command- The extermination of the peoples of Canaan is de- ment:” No other gods”, however, demands a personal scribed as the work of Yahweh. (Ex 23,23). These decision and a basic differentiation: “between true Events are described clearly in the Bible, even if later and false, the true God and the false ones, the true ‘corrections’ to a text seem to contradict them. It also and false religion”. There is no compromise with that shows that the old polytheistic ideas lasted a long which was ruled out as false. time in Israel and had to be forcibly suppressed (e.g. Jeremiah’s speeches). Based on this ‘Mosaic Differentiation’ are those between Jews and ‘gojim’, between Christians and pa- This does not mean that with monotheism violence, gans, Muslims and infidels. Also, once this hatred and the idea of sin was brought into a peaceful differentiation has been made, it emerges again world, but it is noticeable that in the Scriptures those within those spheres, as sectarian divisions between themes play a major part, while in pagan religions Catholics and Protestants, Sunnis and Shias. The dif- violence is not connected with God, but with political ferentiations create a world of orientation and identi- power, not with truth but with dominion. Yet, we ty, but also of conflict and intolerance. Therefore need to see that the Bible also shows similarities with there have been many efforts in time past to reverse other religious books. the differentiation and overcome the conflict, even when it meant to sacrifice cultural identity. It gives us a ‘light’ to see and understand better the ‘nearest’, that is the fellow human being. “We must The ‘Mosaic Differentiation’ resulted in a new type consider it as violence, when we feel ourselves as of religion, which defines itself by separation from strangers, as ‘the others”.(Ilya Troyanov in “The Col- the ‘infidel.’ The result is that the monotheistic reli- lector of Worlds”. gions are ‘institutionally racist or sectarian’. BW This new type of religion first emerged in Egypt in

3 PM. Please use the back door. Did they really say that??? ------The school drama group will be presenting Shake- Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in speare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7 PM. Whitby includes all meals. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ------Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water' Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyte- Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.' rian Church. ------Please use large double door at the side entrance. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get ------rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new cam- Bring your husbands. paign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up ------Yours!' Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. ************************************* Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. ------Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. ------Macleans Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation . the Jewellers ------For those of you who have children and don't know it, we 106 High Street Dumbarton have a nursery downstairs. Quality jewellery ------In the heart of Dumbarton Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. Tel: 01389 733331 ------Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Octo- ber 24 in the hurch. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. FIRST APPLIANCE CARE ------At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is ell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice Service and Repair to all makes of ------Washing machines, Tumble Dryers, Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of everal new members and to the deterioration Dishwashers, Refridgeration, Cookers, of some older ones. ------Vacuums (Dyson specialists) Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. New appliances supplied & installed ------Please place your donation in the envelope along with Quick call out – fully trained engineers the deceased person you want remembered. ------Call Alan Mailley 07710 327999 The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ------Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medica- Authorised Agents tion to follow. ------The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ------GALT TRANSPORT This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the Bankend Road, park acrossfrom the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. Dumbarton ------Tel: 01389 730460 The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congre- www.galttransport.co.uk gation would lend him their electric girdles for the pan- cake breakfast next Sunday. Email: [email protected] ------Please support our ‘supporters’ with Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 your custom

4 Rotas - September 2009 Time to end global poverty, urges Christian Aid Sunday Sept. 6 th . 11am Eucharist. Almost three quarters (72 per cent) of British men Readers: Fran Walker & Evelyn O’Neill.. and women want to see poverty ended in their life time, says a poll commissioned by international de- Intercessions: Tim Rhead. velopment agency Christian Aid. Chalice: M. Hardie & M. Wallace.. Sidespersons: L. Jenkinson & Ronnie Blaney. Almost half (45 per cent) feel the UK government should be doing more to help, while around the Sunday Sept. 13 th . same number (46 per cent) say a political party’s 11am Eucharist. policies on ending poverty would influence their Readers: L. Macaulay & M.Wallace.. vote. Intercessions: Margot Rhead. Chalice: Vernon Perrin & J. Barnes.. The YouGov poll marks the launch of a new Chris- tian Aid report, Poverty Over, which says the finan- Sidespersons: C. Ashman & Jean Carr.. cial and other crises offer an unprecedented opportunity for the final eradication of global pover- th Sunday Sept. 20 . ty. 11am Eucharist. Readers: Gavin Elder & Yvonne McAlpine. The report, which explores some of the measures Chalice: B. Barnes & Sharon Rowatt.. that must be taken to achieve such a goal, is in- Sidespersons: M. Swan & Margot Rhead. tended to inject new life and urgency into efforts to help the poor. Sunday Sept 27 th .. . “The world is in crisis,” says Christian Aid director 11am Eucharist. Dr Daleep Mukarji. “It isn’t just financial. Climate Readers: Margot Rhead & B. Barnes.. . change, the food security crisis and worsening levels Intercessions: Linda Macaulay. of inequality are also undermining quality of life for Chalice: Tim Rhead & Colleen Bell.. many millions of people. Sidespersons: R. Mailley & Vernon Perrin “Despite the large percentage of those polled want- ing an end to poverty, only three per cent believed Flower Rota: that goal would be achieved in their life time. If a determined effort is not made now to tackle poverty, they will be right.” W/E Sept.5 th . M. Wallace & M. Hardie. “ 12 th . . L. Macaulay & B. Barnes.. The fight, the report warns, cannot be won unless “ 19 th .. Moira McGown & M Wallace. the structural causes of poverty are first uprooted. “ 26 th Betty Gordon & R. McLeay . These, it says, can be traced directly back to human and institutional indifference to people without power, and even, in some cases, policies intended to im- When the sun goes edgewise – poverish. and daytime equals night “Poverty is political,” the report says. “Rather than being merely an unhappy fact of life, it is the result September 22 is the autumnal equinox (if you live in of structures and systems created by humans, and of the northern hemisphere) or the vernal (Spring) people being effectively excluded from decision- equinox (if you live in the southern hemisphere) making. As such, the solutions must be political too.” The equinoxes occur in March and September, when the Sun is ‘edgewise’ to the Earth’s axis of rotation, ********* so that everywhere on earth has twelve hours of day- light and twelve hours of darkness. St James the Least of All...

Happily, the Scottish Episcopal Church still retains some warbled his way through his party-piece, Admiral singular parish clergy. Take the parish of St Flagg developed an ostentatious cough. In an at- James-the-Least in an un-named Diocese, for tempt to silence him, I found a cough sweet in my cassock and gave it to him. After the Service, he example. Here the elderly Anglo-Catholic Rector, commented that it had a strange taste; I pointed out Eustace, continues his correspondence to Darren, that it was not surprising, as it was in the pocket his nephew, a low-church curate recently when I was given the cassock 50 years ago from ordained. Canon Ball’s widow after he died.

The Rectory In an attempt to improve the look of the surplices, St. James the Least of All Mrs Wigg offered to starch them all. Unfortunately, her enthusiasm is only surpassed by her ineptitude. On the peculiar stains and smells of old choir She worked on the principle that if one packet of robes starch was good, ten would be better. When the choir arrived the following Sunday, they found , twenty surplices standing round the vestry floor My dear Nephew Darren looking like a circle of tents at Scout camp. I half suspected that they would sit on the floor in the cen- Your withering comments, saying that our choir tre round a fire and roast sausages. robes, were “surplice” to requirements did not go down well at last week’s practice. I will concede Once the choir had struggled into them, they had to that Mr Baddeley’s robes smell somewhat kippered process up the aisle in single file, as they were all and are laced with burns - but you can expect little about 6 feet wide. The choir stood rigidly throughout less from 40 years of enjoying a final cigarette be- the Service, knowing that any rapid movement risked hind a gravestone before the start of Mattins. severing a major artery.

Certainly, Mr Timmins’surplice has that strange se- But our style of choir dress has one advantage which ries of red and blue polka dots, but that is only be- yours can never equal. Within our choristers’ cause he uses his time in the choir stalls when not voluminous robes, there is ample space for singing to catch up on marking his pupils’ essays. peppermints, packs of cards, the Sunday newspapers and balls of wool and knitting needles. Your music And we are only too conscious of Miss Thripp’s red group must feel utterly bereft during the sermon. gash down her front, making it look as if the choir- master has just stabbed her for coming in one bar too soon – but trying to eat a jam doughnut just be- Your loving uncle, fore that wedding five years ago was an unwise decision.

But you have no right to disparage choir uniforms. Eustace Your own music group’s T-shirts, jeans and base- ball caps are no different from our robes – even though, unlike ours, they haven’t seen their way through the death of Queen Victoria, the relief of Mafeking, and two world wars. Richmond Architects Our robes are steeped in history – which can have Supporting unintended consequences. There has always been The Friends of St. Augustine’s keen rivalry between our two tenors. Some weeks ago one was given an elaborate solo, much to the Castle Terrace, other’s disgust. Come the Service, as Major Clough Dumbarton Tel: 01389 765578 6 Ricky and Ghislaine hand over a cheque to CHAS for £750 after the Big Concert in The Denny. (The Hall Fund was also given a cheque for £750).

Fran has an un-named Birthday Party, and Gillian gets all broody with Baby Hannah!

7 Confirmation Pictures

The top picture shows all the Confirmation Candidates, and Jackie with her sponsors, and our epic picture of Baby Han- nah, (who is to be Baptised on the 20th), sleeping through all the proceedings!

Bottom right is Barbara Barnes’ grandchildren, the twins, Louise and Hannah Barnes with Bishop Idris.

8 All Aboard!!!! Parish Outing

9 Blessing the Hall

The Bishop, with Kenny, sprinkles the New Hall with Holy Water during the blessing, and Tim, with David McWhinnie’s lawyer, Mr Grant Robertson, with the plaque acknowledging David and Jessie’s generosity. 10 ‘‘‘Wait Till I Tell You………….’ Janette takes a backward glance at an exciting rain drenched month of August

FRIENDS GO ‘TOTALLY TROSSACHS’ embarkation on ‘The Lady of the Lake’ to enjoy a ‘BEFORE THE PARADE PASSES BY.’ scenic cruise on Loch Katrine. It was raining, of course, Friends’ Outings guarantee wet weather. The In the beginning there were two events that domi- walkway out to the boat was a floating one. We were nated coffee morning conversations - both scheduled told not to crowd it or we might land in the Loch. It for the 8 th August- the Friends’ Trossachs Outing was also remarked that even Church groups have and the effect the big Orange Parade would have on difficulty walking on water these days! We could sit the High Street. (The Grand Master hadn’t consulted upstairs on the sundeck or down below in the open Friends’ Executive about these clashing dates, other sided lounge listening to the commentary by a matters perhaps, but not clashing dates.) charming young Polish gentleman who was com- pletely bemused at the loud cheering from Friends at So it came to pass that an air of excited anticipation the mere mention of the passing of the Denny- built greeted the St. Aug’s party as they congregated in Sir Walter Scott. the High Street at 9.45am for their ‘not quite luxury’ coach to the Trossachs. Serious questions were in- Then Barbara’s hot line from St. Auggie’s began to vading their minds. What indeed were they thinking be flooded with texts reporting on the progress of the on this auspicious Saturday? ‘ Should I have chosen parade and our Saturday coffee. All this while we the Steak Pie or the Haddock and Chips?’ Then peered through the mists at the haunts of the McGre- they were distracted by the sight of a busier that gors, the mysterious isle of the Lady of the Lake, usual High Street with shoppers and hair-do clients Ellen Douglas, and high on Ben Venue, the Cave of seeking early appointments before the expected the Goblins - location for Sir Walter Scott’s Ave hordes descended. They were entertained by a green Maria. More texts arrived for Barbara - just think car which circled the town playing appropriate Irish how useful a mobile phone would have been to Rob music to get folks in the mood. In the mood for Roy - he could have kept tabs on every herd of cattle what? A passing vehicle, observing the growing in the West of Scotland and changed the course of band of Friends, stopped and the driver enquired history. ‘Heh, ur you’se huvin’ a wee protest? I’ll join you’se.’ After disembarkation, it was off to ‘do’ the woollen mills, time for the snacking and shopping. But not Happily, our coach arrived and transported us to the before a wee daud of Sir Walter on the bus. We lis- green, grassy slopes of Loch Katrine leaving TBag, tened to the beautiful Scottish words of ‘Ave Maria’ Linda Jenkinson and Georgie to guard St. Auggie’s and to the stirring lyrics of another Scott hit, ‘Hail to walls with the option of calling on Derek for serious the Chief’ - signature tune of the American presi- incidents like running out of fruit bread! dents. See the things Scotland has given to the world! Chrissie and Roberta purchased new wet There were reports of exploitation - oh yes, men weather outfits for future Friends’ outings - yellow with bowler hats and flutes were being charged binbags with matching hoods! Two little ducks, in- £3.00 for the use of the Church toilet, and a journal- deed! ist was repelled in the aisle while TBag heated her hair straightners in case the News of the World pho- Callender was next stop on the tour and folks were tographer managed to get a front page story. August anxious to get to the Christmas Shop. with only 139 8th was not ‘just another Saturday’ but the police shopping days left. Prior to High Tea, bargains were kept the peace and our profits from the Saturday cof- compared and strange purchases remarked upon. fee reached a record high. Aye, as the old adage says ‘it’s an ill wind….’ Margaret White was searching for a Ferris wheel but settled for three stuffed toys! High Tea was promptly Meanwhile, back at Trossachs Pier, Friends were and efficiently served by the Polish waitresses. But being issued with travel sickness pills after a bumpy the highlight of the day was yet to come - the Kenny ride over the Duke’s Pass and in preparation for their Raffle - everyone got a prize. We all won products to enhance our faces, our bodies or our general well 11 being but we wait anxiously to learn what happened my way through the latter while the pile of ironing when Jean Carr used hers! creeps towards the ceiling!

All too soon we arrived back at St. Augs and rushed And talking of music, our poor old organ appears to off home to see our wee town on the national news. have surrendered. It gave up the ghost on Saturday Aye, happily our beloved High Street was still in- 22 nd while we sipped coffee at the back of the tact with its empty shops and multiple holes in the Church. A loud thud - then it was all over. May it road - just as we’d left it! rest in peace!

THE BIG STORY. ONE BAPTISM, 7 CONFIRMATIONS AND A HALL BLESSING! Well, during August, our news channels were totally dominated by Kenny MacAskill and the re- The service booklet contained 24 pages and that lease of the Lockerbie Bomber. The world watched didn’t include Ghislaine’s impromptu singing or the while Scotland made its decision and out of the script for the Hall Blessing. No wonder the Buffet Greenock Jail straight to the shores of Tripoli went disappeared ‘ like snaw aff a dyke’ - folks were Abdelbaset Mohmed Al Megrahi. He was away as afraid ‘ the ongauns’ would last till Monday! fast as it would have taken to write his name! Then the debate really erupted - letters from America, Kenny loves multi-tasking and that Praise Band MSPs being recalled, the SNP threatened with wipe would sing all day. out and Ministers in danger of being toppled! Now we look forward to even more revelations, more Restricted viewing was the only option for latecom- opinions and perhaps the boycotting of Scottish ers as they peered from behind pillars to see wee goods. There will be a big debate in Holyrood - Jackie getting her second bath of the day. Wee sow- great! But one thing escapes me! What is the point? ell! Not a complaint when she was confronted by a The guy has gone! Hame tae his pals for Ramadan! man in a big goonie and pokey- hat who threw wa- Talk about a clear case of ‘locking the stable door ter at her! And she didn’t even get to throw any after the horse has bolted’ . Anyway, Kenny back! The confirmation went smoothly, all names MacAskill needn’t worry. Following his recent ser- being remembered and even the twins were cor- mon on compassion and his vision of a higher pow- rectly identified. They were wearing different col- er, he’ll get a job as a Church of Scotland Minister, oured nail polish, after all! nae bother! The Hall Blessing took place in front of a chosen BACK TO THE REAL STUFF. few. This gave Bishop Idris the chance to throw even more water around. Rumour has it that a fun- It’s comforting to know that all Chalice Bearers are gus is developing on the window. No wonder, with now well versed in Altar hygiene and so far there all that water! It’s dangerous stuff! have been no reports of swine flu at St Augs. One of the plusses from the Archbishop of Canterbury’s Good job Kenny presented him with a bottle of directive is that we are now using a real alcoholic whisky for a retiral gift. (As long as he disnae put beverage in the chalice. Various flavours have been water in it -Ed) One worthy member of the Parish tasted but the dry red on the 23 rd left one with the remarked ‘the Hall will make good progress now distinct feeling that we had been drinking the Sacra- that it’s been blessed’. What faith! Perhaps he gel! should have blessed the joiners!

MUSICAL NOTES. Anyway, St. Augustine’s Day 2009 was a memora- ble day and many years from now we’ll say ‘ we Spotted at the Friday Soup - Ghislaine clutching a were there.’ big yellow book entitled ‘Musical Theory for Dum- mies’. What does this mean? Is she taking it seri- ously? My bookshelf contains ‘The Internet for Janette Dummies’ ‘Digital Photography for Dummies’ ‘Shakespeare for Dummies’ and ‘Housekeeping for

Dummies’. It’s not easy, Ghislaine, I’m working 12 Parish Walks: The last walk of the year will be Harvest Festival : Harvest will be celebrated on on October 3 rd to Formakin House at Bishopton. the first Sunday of October, 4th. Please bring For further details please speak to Rosemary or along Harvest Gifts that will benefit the Glas- Tim. gow City Mission.

Container Time: The Container goes out to The Gambia this month, so a final call for small items like wool, knitting needles and gardening equipment. You now need to act quickly! Speak to Fran for info.

Prayer Group: this meets on the first Monday of each month in Shirley Currie’s house. For details please speak to Tim or Vernon. Shirley loves it when “the church comes to me”, as she puts it, and the group are looking for some more members. Please think about becoming a part of this important prayer ministry.

Friday Lunches and Saturday Coffee mornings: The Friday lunches and Saturday coffee mornings are an important source of funds for our church. Very shortly the team will move back into the hall with a kitchen to die for! Please make a commitment to come along to one of these events each week to help the church funds. Friday 12 till 1pm and Saturday 10 till 12. Helpers are always needed for both these “regulars” which are an important part of our mission and ministry.

Finances: The finances of St. Aug’s have suf- fered from losing £100,000 in investments through the banking crisis, and if we are to ig- nore our share portfolio. (which we need to since we would be mad to sell off shares at the cur- rent value) we are £45,000 short for all the bills that are due in by September. We had hoped that the Diocese would be able to lend us some cash, interest free, until our shares were in a better position, but this now looks not as certain as it once did. However, we have been blessed with a grant from Awards for All, to the tune of £9,300 which will help us buy new equipment for the hall, including some laptops to give hall users internet access. Add to that new notice boards and new tables and chairs, and we’ll be looking very posh indeed!

13 Smile lines “My mum said if I ever needed help, I should ask the police. Is that right?” she ventured. Where now? “Yes, that's right,” I told her, and added expansive- ly: “We are always here for you.” A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery and the importance of curiosity. "Where The little girl smiled, and looked reassured. “Well, would we be today," she asked, "if no one had ever then,” she said, as she extended her foot toward me, been curious?" “would you please tie my shoe?” One child quietly spoke up from the back of the School blues room. "In the garden of Eden?" A little girl had just finished her first week of Sit where you like school.... “I'm just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can't read, I can't write, and they won't While serving as church usher, I was carrying out let me talk!” our tradition of escorting parishioners to their seats before the service began. After I returned to the en- Toothy grin trance of the sanctuary to escort the next party, I greeted two strangers and asked where they would While working for an organization that delivers like to sit. Looking confused, the young man lunches to the elderly, I used to take my four-year- smiled and said, "Non-smoking, please." old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was un- failingly intrigued by the various appliances of old The sound of music age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. Joe's wife liked to sing. She decided to join the One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth church choir. From time to time she would practise soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevi- while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. table barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!' Soon, whenever she would start in on a song, Joe

would head outside to the back garden. Always on a Sunday His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the mat-

ter, Joe? Don't you like my singing?" The irate customer called the newsagents, loudly demanding to know where the Sunday edition of her Joe replied, "Well, put it this way, if I stay outside, newspaper was. "Madam,” said the newsagent pa- the neighbours won’t assume that I’m beating you.” tiently, “We have not delivered your Sunday newspaper because today is Saturday. The Sunday Money paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday." One day a small boy started pulling handfuls of There was quite a long pause on the other end of the money out of his pockets – several notes as well as phone, followed by a sigh of wakening understand- many coins. Bewildered, his mother asked, "Where ing. "Well, now ... so that's why no one was at on earth did you get all that money?" church today." "At church, of course," the boy replied, surprised. Choice "They have bowls of it there." A father was standing at the edge of a cliff admiring Fair cop? the sea below, the sandwiches clutched in his hand. His son approached him and tugged at his coat. While taking a routine vandalism report at an in- “Mum says it is not safe here,” the boy said, “and fants school, I was interrupted by a little girl about that you are either to come away, or else give me six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, the sandwiches.” she asked, “Are you a cop?”

“Yes,” I answered and continued writing the report. 14 years to come. ‘A Pantodine is being So, on a yet to be confirmed date, there will be a Arranged….’ ceremonial opening to which all Church Members, Friends and Friends of Friends are invited. The world theme will mean an international selection of And if you don’t know what that is then come along food, drinks and entertainment with St. Auggies Ta- to St. Augustine’s on 16 th October and find out! This ble d’Hote right at the centre. You can enjoy a taste special evening in the Church is planned to be a of Spain, Italy, India, China, Africa and Greece. tonic for approaching winter. Pure magic, unadulter- You can join in a contest entitled ‘Where in the ated make-believe and a really good laugh! World am I’ and relive past foreign holidays with music and song. The Friends’ Exec will , of course, You will dine from a dinner menu by Dumbarton’s be suitably costumed and you can dress up too, if top chef - Robert Sloan and be entertained by St. you want to catch the eye of a photographer. Aug’s very own version of ‘Cinderella’. Who will be cast as the ugly sisters, Epiphany and Trinity? A special plaque commemorating the generosity of Who will stun the audience as the heroine with the Davie and Jessie McWhinnie will be unveiled and glass slipper? Have we got anyone with size 3 feet? there are no prizes for guessing what food selection There will be a fairytale musical interlude with bal- Davie would have chosen! It is hoped that John Mc- let, poetry and song. And the evening will be even Fall, MP and Patron of Friends, will be there along more magical if you get into the act and dress up. with his wife Joan. Come on, you’ve always wanted to be a Fairy, a Princess, a Dame, a Villain or even a Pirate. If Yes, Davie and Jessie enjoyed social evenings in all you’ve got the legs for it come as a Principal Boy. St. Auggie’s Halls. They certainly made this one The back end of a Panto Cow is the last resort! possible and we know that they’ll be with us in spir- Forget Tamiflu - try Pantodine for the best tonic this it. winter! There is no charge for the ‘Centre of the World Par- The cost is £25.00 (£23.00 for Friends) which in- ty’ but donations can be given. cludes a first class meal with wine and entertainment. Watch out for the notice and sign up. Also, to those who supported us and helped out during our months at the back of the Church - thank Janette you and we hope you’ll join us to see what possibili- ties the new hall offers. I understand the exciting new kitchen has meant a waiting list for inclusion on ‘Centre of the World Party’ the Tea and Soup Rota!

to celebrate There will shortly be a list at the back of the Church New Hall Opening. - please put your name down (for the Party) to assist us in catering. See you there!

The latest planned date for this long awaited party is Janette 12 th September at 7pm ….but watch this space! It’s probably going to be the 19th! Back To Church Sunday We are at the mercy of the weather, the joiners, the WDC and all those other bodies with input into the There will be invitations sent out to various folk final completion. But the Friends’ Exec are ‘on the urging them to join us again on “Back to Church ball’ and ready to roll out the celebrations. Sunday” which has been planned for Septem- ber 20th this year. We all need to be there to You may consider the title ‘ Centre of the World welcome those who have maybe not been with Party’ to be a little pretentious. St. Auggie’s new us for a wee while! If you receive an invitation, hall - the Centre of the World? Why not? It’s in the please try to come along. We miss you when Centre of our Community and we want to make it you are not there. On the 20th we are baptising the centre of the world for many people for many Baby Hannah at the 11am service too!

15 St Augustine’s Scottish Episcopal Church High Street, Dumbarton G82 1LL 01389 734514 www.staugustinesdumbarton.co.uk Email: [email protected]

Rector:- Revd Kenneth Macaulay ([email protected])

Tel: 01389 602261 Mobile: 07734 187250

Treasurer: David Rowatt ([email protected] ) Tel :- 01389 732341

Secretary to the Vestry: Janette Barnes (01389 761398)

Lay Representative: Tim Rhead ([email protected]) (01389 761676)

Alternate Lay Representative: Maggie Wallace ([email protected])

Fabric Convener: Vacant Position

Project Development: Fran Walker ( [email protected] ) Tel:- 01389 761403

Trustees: The Rector, Margaret Wallace (01389 757200), Barbara Barnes

Other Vestry Members: Barbara Barnes ( [email protected] ) (01389 755984), Marga- ret Hardie ([email protected]) (01389 767983), Janette Barnes (01389 761398), ([email protected] ), , Roberta Mailley (01389 731863), Colleen Bell (07954 406837) , Linda Jenkinson (01389 761693), Gavin Elder, Margaret Swan, Rosemary McLeay

Regional Council Representative: Roberta Mailley (01389 731863)

Child Protection Officer: Barbara Barnes