First person ‘My 10-year Botox binge’

Beatrice, after two years on the Botox wagon

Throughout her thirties, beauty writer Beatrice Aidin happily went under the needle in her quest to look younger. So what happened when she got on the Botox wagon and tried to embrace ageing naturally?

Photograph circe

I have a new companion. Her of wrinkle-free foreheads and arched name is the Botox Whisperer. Invisible, eyebrows; immobility was in vogue. she has been speaking to me on a daily Cosmetic dermatologists had become basis, giving me this dilemma: to Botox the new rock stars, flying in private jets or not to Botox again, that is the question? around the world to see the celebrity It is two years since I gave up Botox patients they discussed off the record in after a 10-year relationship. Back in hushed tones. These derms had a new 1999, when I was in my late twenties, ability; to change appearances quickly, Botox was newly available for cosmetic subtly – in most cases – and without the use and it was all the rage with beauty trauma or expense of a face lift, just insiders. By 2005, at beauty events, the sharp, brief pinch of a syringe. one would see a vanity – surely the I loved the results of Botox and, collective term? – of beauty editors I believed, it didn’t look too obvious. float into a room with the new look Because I was young, I was holding »

Redonline.co.uk | DECEMBER 2011 169 First person

‘I was flattered to have actresses take and is typically reserved for medications known to have serious seeking my counsel or life-threatening risks’. The warning the FDA decreed should on whether or not be put on the packaging would be to to have Botox’ explain that it could spread though the body causing problems with breathing and swallowing. Now, if you don’t off ageing, rather than launching breath or swallow you become, well, a full-pronged attack; my strategy even with the most positive prognosis, was more siege of Stalingrad than very ill. And at worst… charge of the Light Brigade. I had even perfected a routine to have my I would have frowned if injections done before a Bank Holiday I could have. I suddenly had a new weekend, to avoid anyone except my clarity: I was paying for a substance, nearest and dearest seeing the bruising. derived from poison, to be injected Although that didn’t mean I went into my head and very close to my without criticism – as my sister archly brain – and it had been found that commented, surveying my forehead this substance could travel? I got one Easter, perhaps my Botox recovery nervous. Many doctors were all for time was not the reason Jesus Christ the benefits of Botox, but some were died for us all? vehemently opposed. One normally I was flattered to have actresses mild-mannered doctor got seriously and TV presenters, with whom I came angry when I asked him about Botox. into contact, seeking my counsel on ‘We simply don’t know, in the long whether or not to have Botox. Despite term, what it does,’ he said. ‘It has celebrities, such as and not been around for long enough.’ Rachel Weisz, now suggesting that That convinced me. I dropped Botox isn’t the best idea for an actor – the Botox, and as the months went someone who is meant to be able by, I became rather fascinated with my to convey emotion with a single wrinkles; I started to feel affectionate expression – I can understand why towards my lines. They were part of BELOW: Beatrice, many who don’t have their advantages, me, my life, my experience, my pain, in 2007, with the Oscars and comparative youth or my laughter – and that felt empowering. full effects of Botox in evidence (all beauty, go for all the help they can get. It was all very Oprah; I was free of pictured). She loved As house prices soared, so did the the shackles of Botox! how Botox made her feel, until she grew industry’s eyebrows, and soon Botox So, as you do in my line of work, concerned about was the hit panacea for all ills, from I wrote an article about giving up possible long-term damage to her health heavy sweating to depression. And Botox in an international newspaper, that made me start to question, from illustrated with my ‘before’ frozen somewhere in my vain-brain, that if features and my ‘after’ laughter Botox was apparently being thrown lines. I became a Botox bore, but I felt around as a cure-all, how much did passionately that it was like smoking in we really know about it? the fifties; people didn’t know what they Serendipitously, just as I was asking were doing before they became hooked. myself this question and considering Then three things happened. Firstly, a Botox top up, on April 30th 2009, the in 2010 I moved to New York, the city US Federal Drug Administration (FDA) that never sleeps, but expects women decreed that a ‘black box warning’ to look like they have had 14 hours kip be placed on the packaging of Botox between work, daily yoga, eyebrow and other similar anti-wrinkle drugs. maintenance and dating like it’s an According to , Olympic sport. Youth is worshipped. ‘requiring a drug to carry a box with Everyone here has a cosmetic bold-face risk information – a so-called dermatologist. The long snowy winter black-box warning – is one of the made my skin grey and the contrast strongest safety actions the FDA can between dry central heating and wet, »

170 Redonline.co.uk | DECEMBER 2011 First person

for instant gratification with long-term effects.A nd also that I wasn’t even convinced Botox made me look younger. I wanted to look like myself, but better. And that would only come from having glowing skin. Botox has its own look now; when I was 28 it windy weather made me look mottled wasn’t easy to tell, but now I can tell and pale, except for the red burst blood at 50 paces because it is ‘a look’. And vessels sprinkled over my perma- one that doesn’t necessarily make you ‘My Botox-free frown. New to the city, was it these and look younger, just different. I’m a firm methods for feeling my recently defrosted crow’s feet that believer that age is in the eyes, not good about my face’ stood in my way of serious romance? around the eyes or on the forehead. So I had sworn off going back to ● Bikram yoga. Yes, you have Ten months later, I returned Botox – rather loudly and publicly. to look at your reflection for to for a holiday, and amidst What’s more, I had even won two 90 minutes but, although catching up with the ‘’Toxed’ and ‘The journalism awards for my newspaper hard at first, it really helps Not’ – my friends – it was the ones who’d article and on stage (in front of a my self-acceptance. i car pr ey du had Botox who looked fresher, less tired massive blown-up picture of my face, ● Aromatherapy oils in skin and, frankly, younger. And if comparing wrinkles and all), I had quipped, by way products calm the mind and yourself to other people is the road to of an acceptance speech: ‘Well, I guess slow down any self-critical venue. m ak e-u p insanity, I was entering a particularly I can never go back to Botox now!’ chatter, while nourishing your a unpleasant cul-de-sac; whenever Yet I was tempted. skin. I love the handmade de I looked in the mirror, I looked old, tired The whole issue also made me a bit Mamiel Facial Oil (£58 M). and worn next to them. The memory of pissed off.W ho or what was it getting Massage in well for a few my Speaker’s Corner-style rants about under my skin and insinuating there weeks and your skin will glow. the Botox Black Box Warning was was something wrong with my ● Use an eye cream. I should fading. But was my resolve? The Botox wrinkles? They are there for many have been religious about this Whisperer started to make her first reasons. I am happier at 40 than during my thirties, but I was far H a i r f r ede i c O. fe kka i fift h T appearances. ‘Go on, just a few little I was at 30 or 20 – so why would I want too intent on getting injections jabs around your eyes…’ she crowed. my face to go back in time? As a culture around my eyes. I love Estée OCKPHO

And then I turned 40. On my big day, we worship youth, but it doesn’t mean Lauder Idealist Cooling Eye IST I went to a Bikram yoga class in order we should; although I can’t pretend Illuminator (£40 M), which

to feel morally superior, but also as a to be immune – when a 21-year-old has a ceramic applicator that OGRAPH T positive move to, as the lifestyle gurus acquaintance told me I was ‘young cools the eyes, while you apply would say, ‘live my best life yet!’. at heart’, it did sting. But, after the tinted anti-ageing cream. On that day, in July 2011, I was in much internal debating, rationality In the short term, it decreases

tree pose and glanced in the mirror outweighed my desire to inject Botox puffiness, plus feels great PHO still-life to notice that not only was my body for a frozen forehead. And more on. In the long term, it is contorted, my face now was, too. The importantly, I realised I really don’t said to reduce dark circles Botox Whisperer started her chatter think I look too bad, thanks very much. and pigmentation. in earnest. I fell out of my tree. I don’t care what people tell me, ● Smile. Nothing is more What I realised soon enough was I am still not convinced about the ageing than a frown. On that that I needed to reconcile the desire safety of Botox. I do of things note, however, when I am that are bad for me; I don’t need to typing, I now stick on a Frownie add Botox to the mix. I have shut up (£18.50 M) the Botox Whisperer and put her back to stop me ‘I wasn’t even sure in her box, but throughout this dilemma wrinkling my I have learned three things. One, do forehead. The Botox made me your research. Two, stick to your side effect is a resolve. And three, never say never more relaxed look younger. again – certainly not in public. e scalp, head and jaw. Mind you, I’m I wanted to look like TELL US WHAT YOU THINK freelance – this Botox: vanity gone mad or if it’s there, might be a problem myself, but better’ why not? Email us at red@redmagazine. in the office. co.uk, or Tweet us at: @redmagdaily

172 Redonline.co.uk |DECEMBER 2011