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©Fceailusarbole Dean's Office Copyright 1987 Thedatti Lying 10 Ilw Students and the Universily Community Since 1893

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©Fceailusarbole Dean's Office Copyright 1987 Thedatti Lying 10 Ilw Students and the Universily Community Since 1893 Hey Roberts, Coach/Referee Where's Tommy Joe Wolf: 'I'm really Dick Crum — It even Mixer John? Bring checkbook High: Yankees. not a Nazi'pa e3 sounds painful-pa e4 8 p.m. Low: Tar Holes. 9 3 ©fcEailuSarBole Dean's office Copyright 1987 TheDatti Lying 10 ilw students and the Universily community since 1893 Volume 95, Issue 9 Thursday, February 26,1987 Chapel Hill, North Carolina SiArts 962-GIPIt Smith to have surgery today on campus. "Frankly, I jusl forgot about it," said Guthridge, who refused 115 head coaching job offers Wednesday. According to the Chapel Hill police, the vehicle had amassed than SI0.000 in parking tickets il disappeared. And Guthridge lubstantial settlement from :c company for the car. Smith will be in Memorial over­ night, so Guthridge will lead the Tar Holes against ACC rival Duke in a 9. p.m. contest tonight. "Dean's already paid off the officials, so I probably have to break a sweat." Guthridge said. "Besides, I wouldn't know the first thing about coaching this team. Dean has kept me all these years because I'm the only one who can stand (he sight of him season af- Two years ago, some NCAA in­ vestigators insisted lhat Smith had put a promising, 6-1(1 high school freshman in his right nostril to > extricate the vehi- prevent him from talking to other s of thermonuclear ACC coaches. But Practice said his explosions iii the nostril. "Because of found no concrete evidence to Coach Smith's boulder-like hungers, substantiate this charge. "We did dribbling, but that may the explosions ought ro be fairly well have just been Dean's asthma acting contained," Practice said. "The nos­ up." he said. tril could use a good cleaning-out This is the second car found in The'car had Carolina plates and Smith's nose, but the first to require was traced to assistant coach Bill nostril excavation surgery. "I picked Guthridge. who parked the car there a little brown Bug out of my nose in in 1970 when he couldn't find space I'M*.." said Smith. Special equipment will be used lo clean Dean Smith's nose before surgery today. Dull fans getting charged up for Duke pleasure dome." But Duke Coach Mike Krzyzewski Carolina fans who attend tonight's said the new seating system was televised ACC contest against arch­ cruel, and plans to file a protest with rival Duke are in For the shock of the NCAA and the ASPCA. He also their lives, athletic department offi­ said his players will miss the peace cials announced Wednesday. and quiet in the SUC: "Before Ihe In response to charges that SUC new 10,000-volt rule, playing in crowds resemble nursery schoolers at athletic director John Swamppard has approved a plan to get fans out of their for all According to the schei 21,444 seats at the SUC will b< to deliver painful bolts of elei after every Tar Hole bucket. must not only pass through the plush, Lazyboy reclincrs in those sections, but also the wads of cash wealthy alumni commonly carry in their back pockets and wave around to impress their friends. "Credit cards may pose Male reporters must endure DTH editors' hazing first. a problem." Swamppard said. If fans react as expected to the new measures tonight, the athletic depart­ ment plans to launch a more com­ Reporters sue DTH prehensive program that could drasti­ cally alter the image of intolerably boring Tar Hole fans forever. By BECKY RIDDICKULOUS One idea is to intentionally worker called the suit frivilous, misprint game limes on tickets and in DTH editor Baby Jill Gt put his fists on his hips and stuck advertisements in the Hole therefore denied reports she is a menibi his tongue out at reporters. up I' s befor the She-Woman Man Ha "Sit down and shut up. Jim," the ns. "That way, Club amid outcry over her Gerber dictated through tightly clenched teeth. mddk the night to "Sorry," Sewerworker grov­ nation suit filed by a disgiiinlled eled. ot to be identified, sports informa- prospective reporter, Gerber also denied rumors she on director Rich Boozer. "That's ridiculous," Gerber had turned the DTH office into a "Another plan is to install Carolina fumed. "News is news; coverage "house of ill repute." lue strobe lights above the studenl doesn't lend itself to masculine or Yesterday, a DTH reporter ection to make it appear that the kids feminine labels, i never intended spoke with Sheriff Lobo S. Tan­ re painting themselves." he said. to be such a sexist. It just hap­ ner, chairman of the UNC Board of Crustees. Zipping up his fly Lifeless UNC fans The folks at home will think we're pened that way. just as the most ^acky. I reckon " qualified desk editor candidates and adjusting his belt. Tanner denied the whorehouse reports, ''/'."< •' . And if ; just happened to saying the DTH was a fine jour­ S tk.WI nalistic institution and that he had weld the ti what never had any problems with the do you want front me'.'" new staff. A family affair: Ranzino, Kenny, Coach But Bobby Joe Overalls, a freshman from Crankshaft, N.C., reports that men are made to un- live been up to the DTH of- By LANGSTON 'LENNY* WERTZ Smith in the spring of 1964, and their said, "I've loved Coach Smith as a 'dergo grueling and humiliating l times this year, and have relationship, which was purely phys­ n Chapel father. This is a dream come true to tests to determine fitness before st to be overcharged." said Tan- being allowed to write for the _r. "For advertising." he added FUQUAY-VARINA — A woman ical, lasted until shortly after Ran- Hill. \xjw him as my papa." claiming to be the mother of North /ino's birth on Aug. I, 1966. At that The l> players nev, 'ho Ranzino agreed. "This is great. paper. "All the girls gathered Uh a twinkle in his eye. 'That Carolina basketball stars Kenny point. Smith had already been the Tar their real parents were until Stiller Maybe now I'll get some real playing around and watched while I was lim] Kook guy, he was another Smith and Ran/mo Smith has sur­ Heel coach for five seasons, compil­ shocking confession Wednesday. lime.'' Ranzino added that he figures blindfolded and force-fed Jeilo ory." Tanner explained, taking a faced here after years of hiding, ing a 66-47 record despite being the UNC's freshman forward J.R. now that he must have inherited his Pudding Pops til I almost Velma Stiller. 40. claims that the fa­ underdog in every game. Reid claims he thought something considerable girth from his father/ exploded." "Nev ' did ther of ihe Tar Heel guards is none According to Stiller, the coach left was up with the Smiths "I saw [he Overalls and 16 other men have like that boy. Outlander. t other than head coach Dean Smith. her and baby Bulterball ... er, filed a sex discrimination suit with maker Bringin' them liberal com­ resemblance the first time I visiled mie ideas from Arkansas." Smith, who is busily preparing for Ranzino al Ihe hospilal. and never the school." Reid said. "1 couldn'i be When asked if he would take any the Student Supreme Court. his team's shbwdown with mighty returned. Unable lo support ihe fam­ sure, but they really looked like they action towards rising claims of nepo­ charging thai sports editor James "Always a business doing ily. Stiller put the boys up for adop­ tism from team members, the coach Sewcrworker. Gerber's only male pleasure with you. Sheriff Duke. said. "I think we should be the could be Dean's hoys." Tanner." Gerber cooed. underdog against Duke." tion. Kenny's new family moved to Asked on how he felt being ihe il­ replied. "I think we should be (he un­ editor, is little more than a loken Stiller said that she mel the elder Queens, NY., and Ranzino was legitimate child of his coach. Kenny derdog against Duke." Wow, J.R., you have a monstrous ass. — Dave 'Psycho' Popson THE CHRONICLE THURSDAY. FEBRUARY 26, 1987 ' DUKE UNIVERSITY DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA CIRCULATION: 15,000 VOL. 82, NO. 108 Bash for BC's BD set for Friday By LAURA TRIVERS Although it doesn't look a day over four, the Bryan Center will celebrate its fifth birthday Friday with a party attended by students, faculty, trustees, the soccer team, and perhaps a surprise appearance by Senator Terry Sanford, according to Trinity senior Kim Con­ treras, vice president for Union programming. The party begins at 4 p.m. outside Reynolds In­ dustries Theater and will include short comments from some ofthe guests. President Keith Brodie will dedicate the video screen­ ing room on the second level of the Bryan Center, and William Griffith, vice president for student affairs, will dedicate the Betty McGuire pottery collection, to be housed opposite the Craft Center, according to Con­ treras. Joseph Bryan's aide, Allan Herrick, will deliver com­ ments from the building's benefactor, who cannot attend because of health reasons. Jan Nolting, ASDU presi­ STAFF PHOTO dent, and Mary Semans, trustee emeritus, will also This month, the Bryan Center turns 5 and its bene­ speak at the event. factor, Joseph Bryan, 91. Semans and Bryan, both born in February, will cele­ brate their birthdays along with the Bryan Center. and resources in the 1940s because of World War II. The Bryan will be 91. University Stores have donated birth­ need for a new administration building overshadowed day presents for them, Contreras said.
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