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plus The Union dishes out ents for people who have been working so hard they haven’t had the time to wash. Hoorah for Mr Roy. &general stuff GOVERNMENTPLEDGESTOFIND £1 BILLIONFOREDUCATIONAND TOREFORMTHENHS Unless you’ve been living in a holethe budget that the average stu-looking to receive an extra £19.4going directly on the employmenttioning of several student smokers for the last few days, you will havedent really needs to be concernedBillion pounds a year over a fourof new staff and resources to revi-at Chancellors Challenge on seen the headlines about theabout. year period - starting with an extratalise the country’s health careTuesday night, the general Gordon Brown’s budget that took £2 Billion in the coming month. provision. response seem to be that ‘if the place on Tuesday this week. ManyThe first of those is covered by the price of cigarettes is going to newspapers have covered themajor talking point, the reform andThe money to support this boost isFor the smokers amongst us - thisincrease above inflation then we response to the speech and itnew funding for the Nationalto be taken from the raise in theextra charge seems to have beenmight as well be paying for some- would seem that there are only aHealth Service. The Chancellorprice of cigarettes by 25p per packmet with a reasonable level ofthing visibly beneficial’. Two other few things that can be taken fromannounced that the NHS would be- all of which, it is claimed, will beacceptance. After the brief ques-students, both female added, “The cost of being a smoker is high Student Council:30th enough as it is but it sounds like it will be going to a worthwhile March - 6pm LTD cause”.

What is Student Council? For many critics in the media this It is a general meeting that is open to all stu- has been seen as the classic pre- dents. Student council is, in effect, the stu- election budget - but it’s hard fault, dent body. The council meeting provides a as it would appear that the govern- forum for those who run the Union on a day ment have kept to several promis- to day basis to report back to the students es, lowering income tax and look- who have given them the mandate, i.e. the ing to raise the standards of public sabbaticals have to respond to council services. because council is made from the students that voted in the team. It is an opportunity for It was also announced that £1 opinions and queries to be raised and facili- Billion would be spent on educa- tates accountability. tion, the majority of which appears to be headed for the pre-higher Why bother? education institutions. However, Student council places the power with the with the predicted goal that 50% of student body – power to ask questions and young people will be in higher edu- to vote for change. It can also be directive; at cation by 2010, this has to be seen the last meeting council moved to summon as an investment into HE in the the Finance Manager and the General long term. The knock on effects of Managerof the Union to the next assembly a boost in primary and secondary of the student council. education standards, coupled with the new incentive schemes for 16 If you remember the Chancellor’s Bar head- year olds to stay in the education lines from a couple of editions back and system, will boost the cause for were interested in the reasons for the Union investment and funding in to high- Club’s financial quagmire and how and why er education over the course of the management “lost the plot” then the meeting next decade. may be of benefit to you. It will give you the opportunity to ask senior management ques- With the price of beer up by 1p and tions about your Union and demand a bottle of wine up by 4p in line accountability. with inflation, the impact of the budget for students is slight. In What do I get from it? fact, if anything, the pre-election Hopefully, answers. This is your opportunity budget hardly effects the student to flex your right to ask the people in charge. community at all. All in all - it seems to be a reasonably fair and Why is there a projected £147, 000 deficit? proactive approach for a govern- What is going to be done about it? ment who have still a lot left to Who will take responsibility for the situation prove before the next general elec- and who will be responsible for a solution? tion. AB

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do with bf as so many people Editorial believe), UFO (Rag Week) and the bastard TV Licensing people show how barefacts has brought a wide As my term as the editor of barefactsrange of subjects week in week out. Buller-tins comes to a close and 5XH beckons ISome people don’t appreciate the must firstly start with a huge thanky-paper. Some people will probably live ou to every single person who hastheir entire lives like that. Sad really. contributed to the paper in the last “Mind’s Gone kets Hong Kong and Macau reverting academic year. Barearts, the dedicated music and to Chinese rule. Andy arts section has been an enormous Blank” Excuse Many people have sent in articles forsuccess and for that I must thank barefacts to promote their sports club However, in last Saturday’s elections Kev and wish him well for next yearsScientists have discovered whatthe pro independence Democratic or society, to express their views onpaper. Thanks also goes out to hismakes students’ minds go blank dur- University life or just because they Progressive Party swept dramatically reviewing team for their commitmenting exams. The cause is a hormoneto power. The United Sates also sup- wanted to. People who make thethis year. call cortisol, released into the body at effort are always worthy of praise. My ports some autonomy for Taiwan. time of stress. The US once ‘defended’ the country thanks also go out to those peopleThe paper double in size for semes- who contributed but whose articles by positioning an aircraft carrier near- ter 1, 24 pages a week in casesResearchers showed a group of stu-by during Chinese military exercises Keren never made it to print. Sorry. rather than the usual 12 that it had dents 60 words for 4 seconds each.in the area. Richard Holbrooke, the been in the previous year. ThisAfterwards they tested the studentsAmerican ambassador to the United Being the editor of a student news-meant twice as much work - andto see how many words they remem- paper is probably the most taxing Nations has recently been in the thankfully twice as much editorialbered. Half the group was then givenregion, speaking to both sides. thing I have done to date. Trying toinvolvement. The ‘editorial team’ thisa dose of Cortisone tablets. find the fine line between being a year have been just that - a strong Tang Jiaxuan, China’s foreign minis- ‘paper’ and a ‘student mag’ has beenand committed team of diverse char-The next day the cortisone has difficult and even though it is only ter told him "If the US side is bent on acter. I couldn’t have hoped for aturned into cortisol in the students’engaging in confrontation, the three years since bf turned to tabloidmore superb group of individuals,bodies. Another memory test showed Honey format - it has become apparent that Chinese side will take it on and fight both as editors and subsequently asthat those who had been givento the end.” He reiterated the ‘One those students who have not beenfriends. Kev, Keren, Honey, James,tablets performed worse than those here long enough to remember the China’ policy that demands Taiwan Jenni, Linds, Liz, Claire - good luck inwho had not. return to the fold. old style a4 magazine version nowthe future and thank you on behalf of expect a very different content to bfboth myself and the Students’ Union.It proves that cortisol, which occurs as it was. Holbrooke reassured Jiaxuan that the naturally in the body in stressful situ-United States" stand for, the 'One So to finish off, I’d better acknowl-ations, causes forgetfulness. DrChina' policy, peaceful cross-strait Barefacts has changed. This year Iedge the input of Union for giving usDominique de Quervain, from the have introduced external news dialogue, and the peaceful resolution extra money to support the interestUniversity of Zurich said this explainsof the problem." Kev issues to the paper in their own rightthis year and also say a huge thankswhy examinees often fail to recall - giving the students the opportunity to the four individuals with whom itvital information when they reallyThe Chinese President Jiang Zemin to catch up on the major incidentshas been a pleasure to have been need it. He also suggested that suchtold the Taiwanese President elect, around the world that goes by us aselected to work with. Ben, Ben, Saz,absent mindedness could also cause we go through campus life. Articles Chen Shui-bian "The 'One China' Em - 3 months to go - there’s a hell ofproblems for an anxious court wit-principle must first be recognised, covering student parking, thea lot of rock ‘n’ roll left. UHOA. ness. Paddington Rail Crash, the dismissal and under this prerequisite, every- thing can be discussed," of a part-time lecturer, Chancellors’Thank you Surrey. He said: "Individuals have learned money troubles and the like have the material, but when the stress graced the pages of bf this year. Chen Shui bian had called for a Jenni Andy kicks in, they have problems remem-peace summit, and said he was will- Other less serious stories i.e. the bering what they learned… When Janet mystery - (that was nothing to ing to talk about any relationship they leave the exam situation andissues. He added however that relax again, the hormone levels nor-Taiwan should be seen as an equal malise and they suddenly rememberand that the ‘One China’ ideal must the information." be dropped first. Although there could now be a bio- logical reason behind poor exam News Editorial Liz results, it has been said that alcohol induced stupes and lethargy causedIn the last Barefacts of the year I'd by early morning cramming, mightlike to say two big thank yous. The just have adverse effects too. first goes out to the entire BF team for making the paper such a good prod- uct and place to work this year. It Taiwan Relaxes down to you that we have the best setup of the past 3 years. Next year Anti China promises to be even better, building Claire Stance on that success. It’s great to be play- ing a part.

Taiwan has opened trade and trans-The second credit goes to the Ocean port routes to China, ending a 50-Delight chip shop, whose weekly year embargo. Taiwan has long pro-spring roll and chips gave this News claimed its independence fromEditor the time and energy to keep China, which regards the tiny islandtapping out the words for you, the as a troublesome state. readers this year. Lindsay Lifting of the ban by the TaiwaneseCheers all! Nationalist Party was seen as a moveJames (anyone wanna help write the towards re-integration with China. Itnews next year??!!) was prompted by the business com- munity, suffering from nearby mar-

Bare Facts is an editorially independent newspa- Bare Facts per, published by the University of Surrey Students' © USSU Union House UnionCommunications Office . Communications Office James University Of SurreyThe views expressed within the 1999 paper are those of individual Guildford authors, and do not necessarily Printed by Deadline for Commercial Surrey represent the views of the Editor, EastEast EnEndd Team: GU2 5XH the Editorial Board, the University Publication of Surrey Students' Union or the OffsetOffset (TU)(TU),, University of Surrey. Monday 12pm Hannah Jaynes Tel: 01483 259275 BowBow,, This publication may not be reproduced in whole or Fax: 01483 534749in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, London,London, EE33 without the express permission of the publisher. Orla Submissions 3L3LTT email: All submissions must include the author's name Cousins and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no preferably on [email protected] of publication. Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. disk bf000323.qxd 27/03/2000 14:39 Page 3

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Dear Barefacts,

MOTION Over the sea of semen that is your average pump-action- power-house of a night out at the Union, Motion has acted as Dear Barefacts, Dear Barefacts, a lighthouse guiding students willing to actually open their eyes and look for it, to an evening of quality. Managed by a Just a short note to say how good lastI just thought I’d write in to say what an excellent night Wednesday night inthird year (so it’ll continue next year) and manned by a group Thursday night was in the Union. the Union was. After the last time “Teen Spirit” played the union, I didn’t quiteof final years, Friday week 9 will be the last for this academ- know what to expect. Security that time had been somewhat heavy handed,ic year. For the final years involved-their last ever. For those who missed it, “Whoop it up”attempting to break up anything that might have looked as if someone was showcased the talents of Andy Morris (Kissenjoying themselves. This time however, security was fine. They allowed usIt was never expected to be a great feat, but to those who 100FM) alongside others from the Whoopall to bounce around, and generally kick the crap out of each other withoutappreciate, hell, NEED jazz-laced groove and techno-funk on Records stable. Superb music - anotherinterfering, letting us all have a great time. a voluptuous back-drop of deep house, seemlessly mixed cracking excuse to large it mid-week! and faultlessly delivered, then Motion was that emergency It’s about time security realised that with music like this the crowd will getbox of fags you’ve just found after you realise you’ve run-out With it being Thursday night, it was alwaysactive, and let us get on with it, like in most venues. I’m glad they finally have.and One-Stop is shut. going to be difficult to sandwich it betweenI hope we can finally start getting more bands like this. The heavier, the bet- Outrage and FNO and expect a largeter!!! Granted, they were far few and far, far between, but the turnout. I hope this doesn’t put you off run-Cheers for a great night, nights put on rocked the Helyn Rose bar, left the crowd ning similar events in the future especially shouting for more and unwittingly put the backs up of some as it adds to the variety of music and enter-Tristan O’Dwyer, Physics Placement Student very tense and angry security staff. tainment on offer. Dear Barefacts, Engineering (among others), I wasYeah, this is just a laudation to Motion, really (as if you had- Helping to make the Union a focus for stu- stunned rigid when I discoveredn’t guessed). Brought to you by professionals the secret of its dent entertainment throughout the week canJust a quick letter to complainthese people can’t even tell thesuccess has been its quiet confidence. only be a good thing for UniS. (again, sorry guys!) about Uniontime. It wasn’t even 10:25pm and I staff on the counter last FNO (17thwas charged the £3, as if it wasSo keep your eyes peeled (Motion know they’re good so they Great Stuff! March). gone 10:30pm. THICK AS SHIT! Idon’t have to shout about it) for Friday week 9 and next Name Supplied know it’s only a Pound, but to me inyear’s events. Unis students, support Motion, ‘cos you don’t Having almost a 100% attendanceparticular, it was a lot of my budgetknow what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone... G. Matthews Dear Barefacts record for both Wednesdays andthat night. How many others do they Fridays, I obviously enjoy thesedo this to? Where does this extra We’re not sure if it’s our imagination, but theevenings. I wasn’t impressed, how-cash go? Does it pay for those crap- py sweatshirts? Dear Barefacts, staff of the Accommodation seem to have aever, when a very generous friend of mine offered to pay for my lot nicer since this time last week .. is this a We are writing to express our sheer disappointment in last coincidence we ask ourselves? Or does itentrance got promptly rejected.As for the rest of the staff that night, What’s the problem? Money isgood job! Thursday’s attempt to “whoop it up” at the union. Not to put prove the power of protest? We shall see... too fine a point on it, it was utter pants! money! A calm and collective J.D., the Loon Yours sincerely, Supreme, The J-Team. If that wasn’t bad enough, what fol- Having found out earlier that week of this un-event, we actu- ps - Comedy night on Monday 13th,ally found the idea of having the union open late on a Two Not Quite So Disheartened Studentslowed was plain ridiculous! Being a University of Science, Maths andexcellent night, good one Union! Thursday a fresh approach - and possibly an event of some potential.

Dear Barefacts benefit to have an affordable, wellspent, I know that the universityHowever, to our shock, having paid our £3 (why was it more maintained, reliable service. finance department can sleep at night.expensive than a Wednesday night? Is it because of the It’s great to know that they can afford I am a final year writing to generally board-looking DJ’s on the line-up??), we were confronted by complain about the mastermind behindWhile I’m having a moan I’d like toto protect us there as well as point-a near-empty union. How could this be allowed to happen? the University’s aims to maximise stu-generally have a go at the general highlessly keep checking our campusProbably due to the total lack of advertising for the event. And prices of the university. One Stop iscards in the AP every two hours (even dent debt. to make things worse, half the people there were slowly appropriately named as it’s the amountthough I’ve never seen them do any-falling asleep as we were getting bored to death by the mind- I would like to offer my services to theof times anyone who intends to shopthing to anyone who hasn’t got theirs).less trance being whispered out of the speakers. University as a paper supplier as clear-there will visit it. It is a disgrace that ly they have no appreciation of thewhat can be a vital supply for lectureThe University’s pricing strategy hasTo be quite frank, next time the union decides to plan such a market rate for paper. Paper is virtual-break mars bars is run on such anbeen getting worse for ages, and ittragic night, let us have a go on the decks - we couldn’t be ly worthless in the shops, and I’m sureunethical profit at all costs manner,shows how bad it is that the Library isany worse that’s for sure! supported so badly by vendingeven getting away with double charg- with their buying power it’s even Yours (slightly annoyed), cheaper, so I’d like to know why themachines, that like the coffee they pro-ing for double sided printing, I wouldn’t Uni. has to charge such a bloodyduce literally take the piss. be surprised if the Uni. has looked forThe G.C.R. Boyz. expensive tax on printing costs? I’m a way to charge us for the air we quite happy to undercut the Uni’sI would like to know how the union hasbreath in our rooms (maybe it’s includ-P.S. This shouldn’t happen again as everyone should soon paper suppliers if it means I can cleargone bust. What about those 5 pounded in our rent, with an allowance forbe listening to the brilliant Double-D show (Tuesdays 5-7pm) my student debt, but what do we get“no difference” Friday nights out, whenthe polluting effects our farts have onand the notorious J-Team (Thursdays 9-12pm): both exclu- for our 4p a sheet, this week I havewe pay an extra 3 pounds for an imag-the wallpaper), although maybe its asive to 1602am G.C.R. noticed our printers have twice packedinary live act , or the expensive drinksway to pay for the librarian who sits on up, the printer on the right is a sadisticin the bars, apart from the pound beerstop of the new library lift and tell youP.P.S. Dont worry Kam - your wicked Wednesday nights are which I can only guess cause financialwhat floor you are now on. (Well, bastard as it always paper jams when still unrivalled by any other union night - just keep us happy I print out vital coursework, and ontrouble as they’ve mistakingly beenwhat’s the other difference to it, apartby pumping out “Set you free” from time-to-time. Cheers Friday it had a low toner. Maybe I’musing mineral water to them waterfrom the cheap mirror and the tackymate! the only one, but for my 4p a sheet Idown. What did the people who,logo on the back?) expect that woman in computing ser-against my advice, get for paying 20 vices who looks like the lovechild ofpounds for the charter ball, the chanceThis university’s pricing policy is a dis- Barbara Windsor and the sadly lateto dance under the weeks compost ingrace, and one I’ll be happy to leave in Rod Hull to personally lap dance myHaris Bar, while being promised thea few weeks, although looking at the printing over to me. This would bepromised land of Steve Lamacq? cost of my graduation suggests that funny, except that the computing ser- the vices staff , seem to be to busy check-It’s certainly being well spent on secu-Uni. is trying to break the record for the ing their email and laughing at therity. I noticed how well hidden they arenumber of students that will get bloke in their office with a rat on hisaround the dark routes home fromscrewed in one night. head, to notice that we have course-Tesco’s, they’re so well hidden it work deadlines, and to get betterseems they’re not there, obviouslyFrom a much-poorer-than-necessary marks, it would be of considerablesigns of a good job, and money wellstudent If you want to write an article, a round of of what your department, club or society has been doing this year - or dabble into the realms of writing for a magazine, 5XHwill be out again after Easter.

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4 23/03/00 Dear Mr. W, you have waited until week 9 of thenever satisfy you; the concept of a (I believe a little courtesy is essential,second semester to air your con-review is inherently opinionated. The as I try to follow the standards set incerns. Why not have contributed tolyrics quiz has no judgement in it, but the journo fraternity) the debate when Barefacts had thismay not be diverse enough for your sort of criticism aimed at it earlier intastes. I do it for fun, I hoped you As an integral part of the Barefactsthe year, and why not offer some con-could too. editorial team, (we refer to ourselvesstructive advice? We are novices, as an editorial team because wealbeit naively diligent, and withoutI cannot concede that the student Dear Barefacts, As for all that business of thedetermine, create and lay up a week-prior media experience. population is made from “poor bas- paper being written by us, thely publication) I feel that I have a right tards” who are terrorised by BF. At I’m not even going to botherstudents ourselves, surely itto respond and defend myself. If you could have helped make BFworst, we are indifferent toward BF, at with the niceties that are sup-shouldn’t be solely based on better in any way we would havebest appreciative of at least part of it. posed to be associated withsuch articles, and an editorialI take exception to the implication thatgratefully accepted the support. WeI doubt any edition of BF will please such a mail as this - I will sim-team, such as you call your-a majority of front-pages are madecan see our failings, but if no-one elseanybody entirely, including myself. ply get off my chest what I feelselves, should have back-upup, having been directly involved inis prepared to guide us or support usThere are sections that try to cater for I have to and leave it at that.stories etc... most of them. I can assure you thathow are we supposed to be anythingmany different tastes and interests. I the Paddington train crash, anbut our mediocre selves? And do yousee the typical BF reader as an indi- Put quite simply - barefacts isalas, no. adjourned tribunal involving the uni-propose that because we cannot bevidual that brings his own expecta- and always has been during versity and abysmal Union clubamazing, we shouldn’t be trying? Itions to each edition. Only through this academic year a com-I’m sure there will be somefinances are far from products of ourfully reject such a defeatist and elitistthe blandest of topics can we find plete nonsense, bordering onwitty comment about this atimaginations. approach to a student participationcommon ground for the diversity of a complete disgrace to thesome point, either in a per- paper. the populous here are UniS. ‘journalism’ fraternity. In thesonal reply, or a more generalNeither do I consider the articles on rare cases where headlinesattempted humiliation, butgenetic engineering, the rise of NeoIn reference to the music section IOverall, I resent the implication that haven’t been ‘made-up’that doesn’t bother me - I’d beNazism in Europe, homophobia in thehope you have noticed that, far fromwe aren’t good enough, when we are (Janet??? flying saucers??willing to bet a fair proportionmedia or harsh accounts of rape andtrying to be credible, I give the mater-a small team of volunteers doing what come off it, Andy), the report-of everything I own that mostsafety issues as student-directedial I believe to be impressive orwe can to meet a huge remit: to ing has been poor, with thepeople think barefacts is a farreporting, aimed at getting a cheapappealing higher marks than theinform, entertain and encourage a dif- usual round of student-direct-cry form what it was last year,laugh. material I perceive as unimaginative,fracted and heterogeneous reader- ed jokes (drinking, shaggingwhen it was under the control generic or downright useless. If youship. etc.) prominent in order to getof a better, more approach-Furthermore, if the standard has beenare looking for unbiased assess- a few laughs and a generalable and funnier editor. so low I am almost disappointed thatments, then a review section willHoney Barter Godfrey (Political Ed). theme of ‘sub-standard’ arti- cles all too apparent. I think you get the message,Dear Rich, “backup” stories if we havethan welcome to join themthe message, and quite and to be quite honest, I As with every letter thata shortage of articles. Inand write an article of yourfrankly I don’t care what An obvious effort has beendoubt you care...off you all go fact some editions haveown. Also, the Janet storyyou think. into the big wide world to ter-comes in to BF, I appreci- made in the music section, ate that you take time tobeen solely written by thewas not made up by him, reviewing albums that no-onerorise some poor bastards out read the paper, and eveneditors. We try to cover awe just covered it as it hap-My time at BF has provid- has a clue about who in god’sthere with your wonderfully broad range of news itemspened, as many studentsed me with some fab addi- diverse music tastes and tomore time to write a letter name (or Allah, whatever) the to us, albeit slating ourand good features, and ifwanted to know what wastions to my CV, some hilar- bloody artist is anyway, all instick up Janet signs in order they happen to cover top-going on. The flyingious Tuesday nights and to make some facile com-hard work. Although the an effort, you feel, to make editors do not normallyics such as “shagging andsaucers story was stupidsome really good friends. ment. the reviewer’s look cool ‘cus reply to letters, there are adrinking”, then that isyes, but it was in the RagAs for you, at least by writ- they know about someone few things I feel have to bebecause students writeWeek edition, and I pre-ing your letter you have no-one else knows about.I, however, will simply be car- said in response to yours.articles about these thingssume we are allowed aproved that you read BF, This must reflect the editor’srying on my degree, hoping to give them and theirsense of humour! which is, after all, our main for something better form theFirstly, none of us are jour- musical tendencies...where nalists. It is not possible tofriends a laugh. Barefacts aim. were the other reviews ofstudent newspaper next study journalism at thisisn’t about reporting up toIf you think that last year’sGood luck in the rest of unplugged, for instance?year...let’s face it, it can’t get the minute news andeditor was “better, moreyour degree, and maybe worse. university, or even English, apart from the editor’s own so we cannot be expectedlengthy Guardian-styleapproachable and fun-try contributing to BF next ‘glorious return’, as I believe features: it is written bynier”, then maybe youyear, where you could per- Rich W to be fantastic reporters of he probably put it himself, a national newspaperstudents for students andshould go for the role ofhaps make all the differ- nothing - yeh, very represen- standard. However, we arecovers many aspects ofVP Comms. and Marketingence. tative. all doing degrees, yet weuniversity life. when you have a free year, still give up Tuesday nights and work a really reallyRegards, to sit for hours siftingAs for your rather personallong week, and still com- Dear Dick (Richard W) through loads of articlesattack on the editor, theplete all of the other pointsKeren Eales written by keen students.music section is not writtenon the job description as(Deputy Editor) by him and does not coverwell as being BF editor, Taking on board your personal attack of BF, it is obviously “only his music tastes”. It isand see how you do. something which you feel very strongly about and to give upAs you mention, we do actually have so-calledwritten by several stu- your precious time to write such a long letter we feel honoured. dents, and you are moreYes, thank you, we do get We may not invoke in you the personal satisfaction that you get from reading a newspaper, but may I suggest that if this is the UFO. He is of course now in a men-ging you off and making references case then you go out and buy one. Dear Richard, tal institution but he honestly didto your sadness. believe that was the truth at the Reading your lengthy attack of BF, one thing springs to mindMay I enquire as to whether you are time. To be honest, as a final year with a and that is you seem to READ the paper and this just provesperhaps mildly put out by a lack of reviews regarding your ownI would personally agree that atdissertation due in very shortly, I that we are doing something worhwhile with our spare time. times BF is shite, but then I feel jus-don’t give a flying fuck about the You may have a personal problem with the editor but it is veryunplugged performances? If this is tified in having this opinion as I actu-measly opinion of some over-confi- petty to extend this dislike to everything he does and not justthe case then I suggest you consid- er getting a life. Also, if you don’t likeally do put quite a lot of work intodent little prick. BF and unplugged. (If you so wanted to be mentioned in the producing it. review then you should have said so.) Your nasty commentsthe articles we’ve written, write your If you don’t like the paper, DON’T bring a second point to mind, have you ever come down to theown. It is all very well for everyone This is perhaps trying to be the wittyREAD IT. Perhaps you should chan- office to see what goes on... I think not! to slag us and BF off, but how much of your (not so) free time have youcomment that you anticipated innel your energies into becoming a your letter, but to be honest yousix-speed man (oh, another in-joke!) Everyone is all too quick to slate BF when very few realise howgiven up on a regular basis in order deserve it. You may not have time towith a more satisfactory way to hard it is to produce BF. We are all students who contributeto produce a FREE weekly paper? come and help us on a Tuesdayrelieve your pent-up frustration than and produce BF in our spare time as well as doing our course- evening, but the Barefacts meetingin writing nasty letters to us. work, going out, revising etc. That is, a free weekly paper which YOU obviously read, since youon a Monday night is advertised appear to have committed to memo-every week in the paper and it isBest regards, If you dislike the disputed content of the paper so much, then open to anyone who wishes to air may I suggest that you spend your free time more construc-ry a number of our past front page their opinion. if you had come alongOne of the editorial team tively and submit some articles or become part of the BF team.stories. As for the chosen subjects and shared your views with us, then It is obvious that you have a lot of pent-up frustration andbeing facile, what else do you expect when no-one sends us any-perhaps we would have been ableP.S. Many thanks to everybody who instead of taking it out on us, may I suggest that you go and to produce a paper to your liking,has supported us throughout the have some sex... and then maybe you and your narrow mindthing and at 4am in the morning we instead of leaving it to the last issueyear, be it through submissions, will be able to appreciate the in-like sex jokes! are trying to think of things to amuse you? At least, we find them amus-of BF for this academic year whenpraise or constructive criticism. We all we can do is reply in this manner.couldn’t have done it without those An offended editor ing, but then we are obviously not as up our own bums as you are. of you who care. I also feel that at least two of the If you have an article you would like to place For your information, the headlinesother editors have replied to your in 5XH- email it to [email protected] have never been made up. Thepoints very succintly and I therefore Editor really did think that was ahave no problem with merely slag- bf000323.qxd 27/03/2000 14:39 Page 5

23/03/00 5

Inertia My Straying Thoughts “The thing is” she said, “it’s the inertia, the way his bright eyes laugh at me when I’m There’s nothing in my head! eating my coffee. It’s not that I’m hurt by his feelings towards me but there’s an affec- (though my brain would not agree) tion there that I can’t picture or even fail to understand.” Her hair was pushed forward Yet I do feel so brain-dead, to cover the bruises on her cheeks and the smudges of mascara betrayed the façade and my brain just fails to see. of her ostensible nature. I lit up a cigarette and sat back, absorbed in my own melan- choly, unaware that I was not helping. I saw you on the Tube today I try to comprehend sums of a math textbook, I saw the back of your head as my seat grows warm and my tea turns cold. “Yesterday I sold my collection you know. Couldn’t buy a meal from this money I And my heart leapt But the page remains unturned, it’s meaning made from it but it reminded me too much of the way we were, trying to break away And the world stopped untold; from the troubles of our pubescent lives and grow up before we had a chance to be And for a second, everything was as all my mind has left me is a lost blank look. young.” alright again I furrow my brow and summon all my will. She said “Young girls are enchanted by older men but a real woman seeks the Then you turned your head Mentally I tell my temperament to still. vibrancy of an immature and immature partner.” And it wasn’t you at all And as my will erodes until it’s almost gone, And it hit me all over again my mind sneaks back somehow to force a teary I said “Is that why you left me?” That kick in the stomach yawn! That dreadful sick feeling Her eyes raised to meet mine in a distant stare. “I’m leaving him this time. His That you didn’t want me I grow tired of this game as my cup tires of tea; thoughts are governed by the beer stains of his youth, the alcoholic remedies of the adding insult to injury, now my kidneys threaten past which are far too shallow...” How could I have thought that this me! person was you? T’was in the quiet of the loo, disturbed only by myThe transparent glow of her confusion was warming to me as I felt a show of ascen- You were so perfect release, dance. “Do you love him?” I asked. Your funny nose that I felt relief flood my mind and set it back at And the curls in your hair ease... “Maybe, maybe I don’t know what love really is.” They were all that I wanted They were what I needed I couldn’t answer that one. “Do you think we were in love?” I answered. I considered But life must go on the imperfections of her replacement. But inside I am dead “Tonight I’ll find a new man,” she said (completely ignoring me). “Someone naïve, Faith in Chaos Rrrrespect! impressionable and I’ll treat him like men have treated me.” Respect, The distant sound of a future happiness was all too faint. My mind began to wonder To comfort order my only goal Is a funny thing, again while she took refuge in happy thoughts of the past. To nurse the sorrow of a lonely soul If you don’t have any People give it to you. A precious moral in an open mind The answers I seek I will never find Respect, And tell people how you’re oh so per- Is a strange thing, To picture beauty in thoughtful truth If you have it, (As) If Kittens Were Tigers verse, To model the world in physical proof You get none. (Angeldust, March 2000) We seem to know more yet we’re further behind You change your tunes, Respect, You dye your hair, And buy a board, The answers I seek I will never find Is a character flaw, Respect, And wear a chain, And learn to play a powerchord, Then give yourself a trendy name, To harbour disorder, rejoice in the storm Is the eighth deadly sin. To have faith in chaos, so fruitful and warm But though you may try, Respect, Nothing will matter, empty your mind You think you’re deep, And do your best, Is not my friend. And write long verse, You’re really no different from the rest. The answers I seek I will never find. Matt. Life on the Outside Smash And Grab Always thought your boyfriend was a jerk, Company: Heartland resources and authority behind it than I am Put you through Hell and the pain of birth, Job: Sales Team Support &in a position to give. There has still not been Left your face twisted, a bloody mess, Website Development a response attempts at getting a manager A mangled wreck as the result of his hate, Cast: Mark Waters - Managerhere in London to take on the responsibility. Took you away from friends and family, Dennis Jones -WebsiteI am afraid that the whole project will col- Is his behaviour indicative of insanity? Manager lapse as soon as I leave. In a bid to prevent Every single the same apologies, that, I have appealed to my manager, Mark But these actions they never cease. Continued from last weeks Barefacts... Waters for help. Once again you lie in a hospital bed, Week 33 As this is the last Barefacts of the year, this If you don’t leave you’re going to end up dead, After recovering from last week’s boozeis also the last diary of Life on The Outside. He’s got no soul like a part played by Yule Brinner, cruise, we returned to the coal face forMy placement has been an amazingly var- Reminds me of guests on Jerry Springer, another week. March however is a slow timeied experience. It’s been tremendous and I think he belongs in a circus freak show, for the department and there is not thattaxing, fun and fatiguing, educational and Or at least somewhere he is on the end of the blows, much to do, a situation I notice isn’t mirroredenduring, strenuous and satisfying, puzzling Has lost the faculty of consciousness? at Surrey! and profitable. - And there are still 4 months Because I’m sure his brain is just biological waste. to go! I am trying to use this lax period to its best I pray to god that you never wed, advantage. I’m concentrating on doing train-I intend to discover much more in that time Because if you do you’ll need a drip to be fed, ing courses and asking questions aboutbut so far I have already learnt about: e- How do you put up with his abuse? things that have so far eluded me. business, the banking and finance industry, Apart from regression to become a recluse, team working, customer relationship man- I wish I had the guts to take revenge, I’ve taken lessons in “Communication Skillsagement, the future of computing, use of To finally call a halt, bring it to the end, + A Positive Attitude” and “Leadershipbusiness partners, selling methods, prioritis- I’ve seen the photos of all the scars, Methods”, as well as more technical class-ing, organising events, audio visual presen- The consequence of his nights at the bar. es. tations, measuring performance, communi- cating, how to train others, management At last the prophecy’s come true, I also asked my salesman mentor to explainmethods, accepting/declining responsibility, You’re lying still and your body’s blue, Heartland’s sales strategy. We spoke fornumerous computer programs and dozens Maybe at last you can rest in peace, over an hour and I was very much enlight-of other titbits. But that’s unlikely because he’s still walking free, ened. I now have list of further questions to Maybe one day he’ll admit his lies, pose him! I hope I’ve given you an insight into Life on Finally come clean and face his own denial, The Outside. It’s a wonderful world out there There’s just one joy that could make me cry, The website project took yet another knock- you just have to make sure you get what That’s when I hear the news that he’s died. this week however. Dennis Jones, the over-you want out of it. The very best of luck to all manager of the region’s special websitesyou all, whether you are soon to go on has been moved. He has been replaced butplacement or graduating completely - show Da’ Soak it still leaves me more isolated than ever.that world the pride of Surrey! The initiative needs more co-ordination,THE END bf000323.qxd 27/03/2000 14:39 Page 6

6 23/03/00 The Biggest Personals Section - Ever Submit your personals via the BFwebsite or by emailing [email protected]

pam & kettle - sports monster will alys: wheres my mobile!!! acceptable on a wednesday afternoon. avenge the human graffitti... fancy a carling, darlin'? if you're at least a 'd' cup, please con-after all it is set aside for sports. congats vanessa on submitting your tact rich on ms61rp asap for free mas- anne - be more gentle with chunky thesis. fancy a tequilla? to da house 21: we are only having a sage & 'other' services. damn, i reallywho wants to be a millionaire ? well next time barry you know! oi bobby @ the uniondo love big breasts! rmp 2000! you may have heard of me. 992 - enough of that business sleaze (i louis in thieving comedy of ducky's mean please!)!! congratulations to all management elena mou alright bird! who have you date - another picard score for stevie?dear strawberries and cream boy.... or studies final years for (hopefully) fin- been swindling this week? are you a man????? i spy da fox!!! ishing their dissertations on time - geez your mom - when nige says geez thank god for that! instead of dying your hair try washing your cash point puffy, how do you eat yours?? fried i spy the chops!! rich perugi xxxx it ! breakfast my love? bunbun happy birthday lou - let's hope the believe it or not, surrey students, but : dear dawn. remember:".... all men what happens when you dye grease mechies do you proud again - civ eng glad you didn't have to use the sick this campus has a radio station. don'tare bastards, ugly and old...."(except red ? it smells ball's a hard one to follow! bowl bergie!!!! let it decay! try tuning in to 1602 am the selected few of course!) love, beat- gcr, especially on thursday nights rice xxxx 50% of the floor is sociable. the other engineers in skirts - never! damo, take me spain, portugal, florida,between 9 and midnight when the j- 50% is greek ! paris, new york or bognor regis!! team are on! adam cheese. keep smiling! and not no offence axey, but i don't fancy too much beer on friday please... ;-) john, the corrs are sisters and you friends of yours such as myra, fred, da, i love you!!!! ma (that'll get 'em here me now! elvis lives! should have been able to find that out ian, hannibal, jack, chucky, steve or talking) fame! i'm gonna live forever..!!!!!" in your home the library. grim knocking at 3am next year, wanti- spendley!! you've left your mask on ng to borrow a shovel! puffy, i love you!!!! bunny (that'll get jimmy's wall! don't stop me now, cos i'm havin' a jon you little welsh studmuffin the 'em talking) good time!" women love you but we want to see as happy birthday vic !!!!!!!!!x moo moo harsh but fair!!! much as the sheep sees. wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble! for the last time i'm not a slag (girls my will and ben - no more suicide bids phone number is 0795.....) i like trains!!! outside the union please.... rememberspears 3 boys we wanna see more of yes can i help you! the car can"t see you in the dark! you. light on light off. p.s. keep off the 76 days to go gang!!!! l, l, d, h!!! hey axey - good job jimmy is going love from your whores!! aerosols claire yes you can play with mr t but soon 'cos he is fed up with the mud leave the ponies alone!! bunny take your books back on time and blood being rubbed into his carpetdo you want a weggie wopper raskalking & dr. dave (climbing doctor) !!!! love m xxxx on your way in from a late night dawn?!?! or a hamburger - did you are bussing out the jams - watch that did you know that i got three tea tow- masacre session up round by the know they sell them in mc donalds??!wide load - every thursday, 19:00- els...... i see you baby, shakin that ass!! - kanocathedral.... 21:00, gucr 1602 and not a soft rock a huge hello to all the ex-whores and ballad in sight, mate. ladies hockey - congrats for the week-to emma! here's your personal! please no body bags to be kept in theex-aggies out there!!!! we love you end - ben mac spare cupboards in the house. cheers!!all!!! daffodils and long fingernails are not a sabbs - thanks for being so great this good combination in any bed. 'the matt you smell nice! hows ap! term; love you all too. saz pu-nany, pu-nany, pu-nany, with a littlewho's up for street parties in worples-prize' is still up for grabs - it's a bit of luck, we can make it through thedon road next year?!? rollover week! did you know that i got three tea tow- jo n - happy birthday!! (ok it's early butnight! els...... this is the last bf!!) ark at the price of cheese! briggsy boy needs to chunder ??! oi cainey - when does your coaching quick get him the potty, quick ! clumpy janus - hope you never have the last bf...??!! never found the valen-begin?? hey han hope that we will soon be 'dri- an 'accident' ever again tine did i noel? sbf ving that train' together again, miss durex says it all doesn't it ??!! be safe cockneys say: waaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!! you loads, your best mate lou xx rather than sorry h.p.- "when do you know when water isanna, i've got your ring and you can't boiling?" have it back until you come to 10:25pm friday night - £3 to get in : mike, not impressed with the lovebite how's it hangin big boy, wagner !#?? union! see you on friday! :) how much?!?!?! surely you are on theyou filthy hippy! where has ssq gone to???? fiddle... nina a - do you know how beautiful you does anyone remember jamie and his m. how's your 6 winch illy?! are? bonjour rids!!!! congratulations! maybemagic torch? o'ight guvna! fancy cumin' down the i should be doing this all in french! juica for a cupple o' jugs?!?!? oi! trauts features! the price of cheesedraper - start paying your debts or keep it up girl! is up innit? we'll send cath after you...... hurumph! it's so stupid what and who yes its 'hammer time' once again on debs, what happened at cindy's, and gets me down, i don't want to be this gcr radio and this tune goes out to da sarah, stop taking the piss! hmmm, hands up if you think bolton's does your bloke know? way anymore. pissies. give it up for; helen, spendley, cute ?! who would invite him around to rickstar, alphie and jimmy. big'ead, i love ya really! your house and cook him dinner and congratulation to the stingers who wonkaos, i never thought i'd see the day! give a nice pat on the head, ask lucy the plate. we're gonna miss some of well done and the best to you. i'm real-evenin' lucy!!! pin boy, pigme, freak, menace, mims' you guys next year. it won't have the ly pleased for you :). tigger. funny friend, sink boy....the list is end-who's that ally mcbeal look alike in sbs same tacky quality. i love you anna! less! offers left, right and centre! and you look out for the stolen vehicle which you broke our strimmer you bastard! f*$^@%g complain?!!! grrrrr. u must have heard by now - but just in mims, rids, v bird, sarah, l.mike love matches the case: listen to the awesome double-d ya all, thanx 4 being there! following description ( why on earth its snack time for the strimmer destroy-my name is mud! :o( show tuesdays 5-7pm. pumping out the someone would er. best of 70's/80's/90's : only on 1602am emma and rich, walk like an egyptian. want to steal it, remains a mystery) i'm a tiger here me roar!! g.c.r. way to blow chucks, sponge boy. any-rrrrrrrrooooooooooaaaaaaaar- miriam, its raining men...every speci-1. dodgy old banger with a blue num- thing left of the garden ? rrrrrrrrrrrrr! to bobby & barry - it mings like fish butmen! ber plate tastes like chicken : know what i 2. white stripes that are straight as to the short girl in the shop - the guy god dammit rachael i love ya! (batman)mean?? v bird, this old man, he came thrice, micheal barrymore with columbo hair likes you! from cupid stuck it in ur mouth, it tasted nice with3. body work of car that is as 'volup- listen to the two dee's on the double der, tim, the kitchen is not the place fora niknak paddywak u gave the bone atuous' as carol voderman. short pretty girl in shop - the guy who show 1602 gcr every tuesday from your willy! home left the old nurse and then came4. usually seen racing on the a3 with buys donuts and has columbo hair 5-7. big up to the main man cam and home! grannies driving caravans likes you - from cupid the j-team!! set you free!!!!!! cheers cam again for 5. can't miss it- nearly extinct the big shout out to the gcr crew.... del bird love ya 2! for a minute in cathedral court 3b we j-team music comin' straight at ya, with the return of the handbag lady ! m&s felt myles away me j.d., the loon supreme, and the don't smoke a pipe, pipe, pipe, pipe, dont do anything i wouldnt do!(with a bags are the fashion accessory of this main man mr tea! pipe, pipe, pipe...... i don't smoke thefrog as well!) 228 summer beauty, beast??? roarrrr! chicken.... do you smoke spendley? fireworks become symbolic on birth- g is for shirley. maths chicks, get your pi (squared)'s rich's dissertation is finished, so it's days!!!!!how? don't ask me. ask the ma out. when the crowd say fox select her!! time for some fun. 96% of all sex people. And Finally - Geez - University offers guaranteed to be accepted on Security have it on Camera sometimes cbear, having a nice arse i love annie lennox!!! the spot. contact ms61rp for further if any of the climbing club would like isn't enough!!! details. rmp 2000! to borrow some high spec climbing Oi Andrews you shifty whore - your k mr tea's fox, i say i don't give a slippers please contact matt from nor-supposed to leave the Union staff see l dreams do come true!!!(when damn so stop all the tony's. the italian stallion (ms61rp) has way ! alone until your sabb year!!!!!! your drunk) returned - you women are so damn hi badooms' friend! lucky! rmp 2000! squash in the corridor is perfectly Here endith the first lesson. bf000323.qxd 27/03/2000 14:40 Page 7

Rachel Stamp The sultry new keyboard player adds OOBERMAN most important Ooberman song, the magical The Freebutt, Brighton, a much needed touch of smooth sex London Madame Jo Jo’s, ‘Shorley Wall’ engraves it’s presence into the 28/2/2000 appeal and thankfully saves many of8th March 2000 set. the lesser tracks with her electronic After triumphant versions of ‘Stormtrooper’ and It’s been many long years but finallysynth lines. Forever destined to be Pop music on acid – probably a good way to‘Sur La Plage’ the gig is over, only one hour Rachel Stamp embark on a tour inpantomime rather than punk rock describe Ooberman’s musical angle, some oflong, but there are plenty of songs, each daz- support of a whole album rather thanthey’re still good fun but the more you may remember their glorious appearancezling with their own, unique personality. And their continual string of trash glam sin-abrasive carnival approach of bands one Sunday night in the Union last semester.after the band leave the stage (shaking the gles. Brighton’s faithful are out in force,such as Slipknot could well see them Tonight the five-piece play their debut Londonhands of grateful fans on their way), there’s a drag queens, goths, and awkwardlose their showcase crown. Andrew headline gig at Madame Jo Jo’s in Soho; pos-wonderful feeling in the air, it won’t disappear teens fill the tiny venue and the crowdThomas sibly one of the smallest venues in the world,for days to come. This is how all gigs should surge forward as the four piece take but still a very cosy atmosphere. be. Andrew Smith the stage. Rachel Stamp are kings (or Straight into business then, as they come queens depending on how onstage at the phenomenally early time of you look at it) of the chug- 8.30pm and launch an assault of their finest gy powerchord verse fol- guitar-injected, pogo-inducing melodies. lowed by anthemic chorus ‘Blossoms Falling’ simply oozes with it’s glam- and overblown solo. More orous, loved-up spring-time theme, ‘Bees’ is Kiss than Korn though the maniacal, but extremely enjoyable, and ‘Tears GIG GUIDE makeup and fancy dress From A Willow’ shines in all of it’s zany, yet meaningful “talking to the cows” magnificence. cannot make up for their Most of these are ticketed, so ring and The annoyingly good-looking front-man, main enemy, time. Singer reserve before you travel David may speak about Danny Popplewell, is a superb entertainer, full of enthusiasm and making the most of the tiny being glammed up in “I Thur 23rd Beck @ Wembly stage when leaping around to the breathtak- Wanna Be Your Doll” but Sat 25thThe Rollins Band @ The Forum, it seems more relevant to ingly note-perfect renditions of the Ooberman back-catalogue. Whereas, gliding over the topLondon the raggy doll look he’s Sun 26th Macy Gray @ Brighton Centre of each song are the angel-like vocals of acquired. Mon 27th Cay @ LA2, London Sophia Churney (keyboards), without these Tue 28thBreakbeat Era @ Wedgewood the set list wouldn’t be as striking or moving,Rooms, Portsmouth despite the electrifying live-atmosphere. Wed 29th The Damned @ The Garage, The slower wedge of the set is remarkable, a London heart-rending piano ballad called ‘Grey’, a del- icate new acoustic number and a stirring rendi-Thur 30th Pitchshifter @ Wedgewood Rooms, Portsmouth Write for us and we’ll be right for you. tion of ‘Danny Boy’ – marvellous stuff. And just Get ready for the ultimate global youtha global way of life, written by you, for when the moment can’t get any better, it man-Sat 1st Sting @ Royal Albert Hall, London website that is heading to a computeryou. Email your articles to edi- ages the impossible as the near you… And this time YOUcan [email protected]. involved. There’s also an unsigned bandsec- Want to have your work read aroundtion – so alert all budding stars to get the world? Fancy reading otherstheir demos in the post, so others can news, views and opinions too? ycrazehear them on line! can give you all this and more. To send demos please send tape and The Y team want you to get scribbling.band info/photo to NEW MUSIC, Lyrics Quiz Don’t go crazy trying to break into writ-ycraze.com, 39 Evelyn Mansion, 5) ing, contact ycraze where fresh talentCarlisle Place, London SW1 1NH Lyrics Quizette; it’s the last one so a little selfEternal - Stay is given a fair chance. Look out over the next few weeks for indulgence is permitted. 6) Shakespeare Sister - Stay The Editorial team is growing acrossmore ycraze news and content… But 7) Lisa Loeb - Stay the globe, communicating views andfor now, send your articles to ycraze – 8) Aeorsmith - Don’t want to miss a thing news from both sides of the pond. the website which has everything 1) I see everyone on a Friday night looking 9) Travis - Tied to the 90s With sport, culture, music, entertain-you need to know - from what’s on for their little piece of honey to alleviate the 10) Edwyn Collins - Girl like you ment and a whole host of wicked arti-TV to finding a job. pain 11) Boys II Men - End of the road cles – ycraze want your input to make 2) I swore I would be true and honey so did 12) Mr. Big - The one who the site exactly what others aren’t – you 13) Korn - Ass Itch 3) Honey, honey, come ride the DKNY 14) TLC - Waterfalls 4) Get your rocks off, get your rocks off 15) Extreme - More than words honey 5) Honey suckle, she’s full of poison, she obliterated everything she kissed This week’s answers, cuz it’s the last week, 6) I drink the honey inside your hive, you aresob the reason I stay alive 7) Who wants that honey? 8) I am just a fashion accessory 1) Kula shaka - Hey Dude 9) I’m a bitch, I’m a tease, I’m a godess on 2) Cranberries - Linger my knees 3) Will Smith - Getting jiggy with it 10) I think sex is over rated too 4) Primal scream - Rocks 5) Hole - Celebrity skin 6) NIN - Closer Last Week’s answers 7) Pumpkins - Cherub rock 8) Manics - La tristesse durerra 9) Meredith Brooks - Bitch 1) Will Smith - Boom shake the room 10) Ugly kid joe - Everything about you 2) Snow - Informer 3) Vengaboys - Boom boom boom boom It’s been an experience, keep humming ... 4) Out here bros - Boom boom boom bf000323.qxd 27/03/2000 14:40 Page 8

Albums & Singles Reviews

bling light hearted jazz and some more melancholic tunes and what I would call some light hearted back round music. Album Of The Week Overall its pretty good, not exceptional GINTARE - Earthless (infect- but the whole CD can be listened to no ed) Albumsproblem, good mojo. 6/10 C.H This mademoiselle is appar- ently hot shit in Lithuania V/A - The Million Dollar Hotel (Island)BROADCAST - The Noise Made By where she comes from and Various offering from the talent musicPeople (Pomona) where the KGB or ex KGB industry for this soundtrack, many are Well to be honest this album seems to escort her around. Truth is from Bono collarbrations including threehave come straight out of another dimen- she’s good, her music has the from U2. It s mix of laid back smoothsion. The ambience: “the past refracted a sort of Enya liquidity but defi- grooves from the elemnts of jazz to soul- by the future, and the future imagined by nitely her own style, indeed ful swing and the occasional rock ele- the past cryptically.?! The album is more original it is. Her songs are mental. Even Milla Jovovich (model)like tense jazz noir with waves of elec- good, some a little slow for my graces us with her vocal talent ontronica coming and going. Real instru- liking but good. 7/10 C.H. ‘Satellite of Love’ which is sexy and sul-ments do play a large part here too. try. Althougth the best track on the albumAnyway the truth is this is sort of like is definaltly ‘The Ground Beneath Herparanoid come down music so.. like I did- Feet’ by U2, a glorious number. All in alln’t think it was that great. 4/10 C.H. its a very talented soundtrack with the likes of Daniel Lanois, Brian Eno andD.J. ASSAULT – Belle Isle Tech (Mo Bono leading the way but iam afraid itsWax) only really worth it if you into that matur- to D.J. Assault is supposed to be the bestcruise around town in their converted ing phase. 6/10 K.M. “Ghetto” D.J. on the Belle Isle in Detroit.Renault 5’s with the windows down and This album is a collection of the best show off the bass on their stereo’s! V/A - Ordinary Decent Criminal (origi-Detroit Ghetto tunes, as picked and nal soundtrack-Atlantic) Comparing the first track and the last mixed by the man himself. If this is thetrack shows that he has managed to add The film itself is set for release on Fridaybest, then I am NEVER going to Detroit to an entire three samples to the mix, and the seventeenth of March. The sound-hear the rest! But credit where credit’s track features songs by Brian Ferry, this has taken him just over 70 minutes! due, it is mixed very well. So well, in fact,2/10 O.H. Shack and Bis although Damon Albarn,that the beat doesn’t stop (or change) for whoever he is , features the most. Thethe entire 72 minutes! This album would music on the track is varied, some bum-be perfect for “boy racer” types who want

FIONA PRINCE - High On You Again His voice is an annoying, grating mix “Soulful guitar driven pop track ...” the pressLiberty 37 – Revolution ( Beggarsbetween Liam Gallagher and Billy Corgan, release says which is a pretty good descrip-Banquet Records Ltd. ) but listening through this song a few times tion. It sounds like a chart track which hasMaybe you’ve seen Liberty 37 when theyhas really made it grow on me. It’s incredibly had the aggression removed, which makesplayed the Union a few weeks ago. Thecatchy, and so happy-go-lucky, despite the this a sad smooth track. 8/10 I.P. Welsh foursome have released a new sin-fact that the lyrics are about a rich guy who gle. The title track ‘Revolution’ rocks withwants someone to notice him. When I heard Singles COLDPLAY – Shiver (Parlephone) lots of guitars. The second song, an Xfmmyself singing along to it I realised no otherthe lyrically positive aggression that has Currently appearing on tour co-headliningacoustic session of ‘When we say’, is simplystyle of vocals would work on the song. Thebeen the trademark of Henry Rollins for with Terris, Coldplay are a band to watch inbeautiful. Next to those two songs you getB-sides aren’t quite as catchy, but still quali-more years than he would care to remem- 2000. They gained fans after their NMEthe videos for ‘Oh River’ and ‘When We Say’fy as good Fungus songs. 6/10 O.H. ber.. 7/10 A.D. Premier shows and deservedly so. Shiver ison this single. 8/10 N.G. the second single from the band and is an STROBE – Radiance (Fuofo Records ) A.I.D.A. – Far and Away (Perfecto) epic track with Jeff Buckley-esque vocalsRIGSBY – Mystery Machine (Flood) ‘Radiance’ sounds a bit disappointing, drift-This is dire. Meaningless vocals over tired and melodic guitars. Indie-rock at it’s loveli-No, it’s not about Scooby Doo, or Shaggy oring too much into mainstream. The secondbeats and synths. Actually, it sounds like est. 8/10 A.W. Thelma or the other two. Easy to listen tosong, ‘Adoration’, sounds better already. Butthey’ve taken a decent track like System F’s and catchy as hell. I found myself singingit’s the last song, ‘Symmetry’, that made‘Out of the Blue’, inverted it then hit the self- QUEEN ADREENA - I Adore You (Blancoalong after hearing it just once. The only badthem win points, it’s the best song on thisdestruct button. Its doing well with Dutch Y Negro) things that could be said about it, are that it’ssingle.6/10 N.G. DJ’s and it will almost certainly be big here, ‘I Adore You’ releases the unexplicateda bit long, and apparently it sounds like but that doesn’t mean to say its any good. sounds of Katie Garside exquisite voice toMansun. 7/10 S.B. LUKE SLATER – Body Freefall,2/10 L.A. the nonchalant masses while the underlying Electronic Inform (Mute) schizophrenic guitar sound feeds on theWORLD OF MY OYSTER - AmericanAnother record with synthesised roboticGERI HALLIWELL- Bag It Up (Emi) mind. 8/10 K.M. Soap Day (Phonologic) speech…yawn. Slater’s original mix isA masterpiece of modern rock music, Geri’s The title track is like a cross between Spaceunfortunately a tiresome and jumped-upvicious swipe at gender politics and stereo- WILT – Radio Disco (Mushroom Records)and Auteurs. It has a certain amount ofPropellerheads clone. The Needle Damagetyping make Kelis’ Caught out There, sound This is an up-tempo, toe tapping track withquirkiness in the composition but its not verymix, however, is a pretty classy slab of tech-like a children’s nursery rhyme.(Actually its infectious melodies. The band are alreadyupbeat. The other two tracks lose the quirk-no. Jon Carter doesn’t really make much ofjust bland, annoying, poppy wank, and gaining a reputation as a dynamic live band,iness and definitely fall into Auteurs andan improvement in his remix, but theshould be burned on sight. But we can so comparisons with Foo Fighters and BobSmog territory. Good debut. 7/10 I.P. Counterplan mix by Slam may well be morehope)1/10 S.B. Mould seem justified. “Discos don’t make successful. Not very innovative or exciting, much sense” to this Dublin trio. That suitsFUNGUS – A Fan Club Would Be Nicebut in terms of overly-repetitive dance beatsBIG RON – Let The Freak (Perfecto) me fine – they do rock well enough. The(Food) it has it all. 6/10 L.A. How to make a hit dance record: Steal the debut album is out later this year. I’ll lookThe first time I listened to this song, I want- chorus from an old song (e.g. “Relight My forward to it. 8/10 A.W. ed to go up and punch the singer in the face.R.Kelly- Only The Loot Can Make MeFire”), get someone to repeat the same line Happy (Jive) over and over again on top of said sample The single features three new releases,(e.g. “I need to know”) and get some friends “Only the loot….”,”When a Woman’s’ fedto make ridiculously long remixes that sound Single Of The Week Up” and “I Can’t Sleep Baby”. These releas-exactly the same as the radio version but es come after his last platinum single “If Ilast for an eternity and a half. Finally, get Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time” sosigned to Perfecto and sell records by the smooth Mr Kelly who is extremely popular inbucketload to people who wouldn’t know a the U.S must be a happy chappy. I don’tdecent song if it dyed tiger stripes into its think its inspired any sort of enlightened ,head and danced to Shania Twain! -25/10 exceptional tracks as these featured hereA.D. are nothing special as far as I can tell. Apparently the man is now working with Michael Jackson so we will have to look out for that one. 5/10 C.H.

ROLLINS BAND – Illumination (Dreamworks) DOVES – The Cedar Room EP (Heavenly) Hank Rollins returns with a new line up and Re-released in time for their new debut album (‘Lost Souls), ‘The Cedar Room’ is Dovesan abandoning of the blues based hardcore of recent years. Whilst the Rollins Band’s at full flight. Seven astounding minutes of pure emotion; thumping drums, sturdy vocals, spellbinding pianos and a smattering of scrumptious guitar melody. So good it will makenew direction is somewhat more direct than you cry. 9/10A.T.S. previous recordings there is a distinct lack of building up to a crescendo as was evident in “Liar”. However, “Illumination” still retains bf000323.qxd 27/03/2000 14:40 Page 9

23rd March 2000

PRESHA TOP TEN UK Garage Top 20 R&B/HipHop Top 20 Chart (by DJ FD) (By SL: Innocence USSU, Urban Flex UHSU) (By SL: Innocence USSU, Urban Flex UHSU)

Artist - Song [ Record Label ] Artist -Song Artist - Song

1. Champion Sound -Q Project ( Bad Company 1. Tee Bone/Kie/Sparkes – Fly Bi 1. Brandy Featuring Shaunta & Da Brat - You Don’t Know Remix) [C.I.A] 2. Baby D – Fantasy (2-step rmx) Me REMIX 2. Virus 7 EP - Trance, Ed Rush, Optical [Virus] 3. Sunship – Flowers 2. Amyth - 1,2,3 3. Infectious - Cause 4 Concern [Cause 4 Concern] 4. Dem2 – Destiny 3. Jamelia Featuring Beenie Man - Money 4. Undiluted 5 - Brockie [White] 5. Zed Bias – Neighbourhood 4. Jagged Edge - He Can’t Love U [JD’s REMIX] 5. Timeless 5 - Total Science [White] 6. Huckleberry Finn – Funky London 5. Montell Jordan - Come Home 6. Downdiggy - 2xfreestyle (Brockie Remix) [2 Times]7. Another Level – Bomb Diggy (Bump&Flex Vocal mix) 6. Donell Jones – U know Whats Up 7. Cause 4 Concern 3 - Cause 4 Concern [White] 8. Donell Jones – U Know Whats Up (Boogie Boy rmx) 7. Eric Benet - Why You Follow Me 8. Fish Tank - Moving Fusion [Ram] 9. 702 – You Don’t Know (Earth series rmx) 8. Mary Mary - Shackles 9. Test Tube - Kermal & Rob Data [ Timeless] 10. Crissy D & Lady G – Girls Like Us (B15 Project ’99 9. Guy Featuring Fat Joe & Cuban Linx - Dancin’ REMIX 10. Chronic 13 - Dillinja [White} rmx) 10. Lynden David Hall - Forgive Me REMIX 11. Suburban Lick – You’re Mine (Zed Bias rmx) 11. Notorious – Notorious BIG 12. Gabrielle – Sunshine (Wookie rmx) 12. Q-tip – Breath and Stop TOP TEN Alternative Anthems 13. Craig David – Fill Me In 13. D.I.T.C. - Thick [Rockwilder Remix] (by Phonetic K, M.M.M, ) 14. Artful Dodger feat. Romina Johnson – Movin Too Fast14. Dead Prez - Lets Get Free 15. Zed Bias – Been Here Before 15. Montell Jordan - Get It On Tonite Artist - Song 16. ??? – Samz Tempo 16. Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliott Featuring NAS, EVE & Q- 17. K-ci & JoJo – Tell Me Its Real (Club Asylum Steppers Tip - Hot Boyz 1. Steps - Better the Devil You Know rmx) 17. Jeru The Damaja - 99.9% 2. Blur Song 2 18. Lynden David Hall – Forgive Me (Artful Dodger rmx) 18. Naughty by Nature - Jambouriez 3. Korn - Follow My Leader 19. Colour Girl – Can’t Get Used to Losing You 19. Snoop Dogg Presents Tha Eastsidaz - G’d Up 4. Pitchshifter - Subject to Status 20. Artful Dodger – Soul Searcher 20. Puff Daddy Featuring Mario Winans & Hezekiah Walker 5. Stone Temple Pilots - Down & The Love Fe - Best Friend 6. Smashing Pumpkins - Stand Inside Your Love 7. Incubus - Privilage 8. Rage Against The Machine - Guerilla This week in Barefacts we have charts from the various music societies telling you 9. Live - The Dolphin’s Cry whats hot on the dance floors of the respective societies. 10. Queen Adreena - I Adore You 11. Slipknot - Wait and Bleed Thanks to Innocence, Presha & No Wave

This week’s reviews by: Andrew Thomas, Andrew Smith, Natasha Gomes, Kevin Marston, Honey Barter Godfrey, Rob Winder, Stuart Brown, Andrew Deegan, Anna Walker, Christan Hunter, Owen Hazelby, Ian Purvey & Lucy Andrews

Review of “Roller Coaster” by Chris Allen

Roller Coaster is a short novel about the teenage world of soft drugs, pubs, clubs, gigs, supermarket jobs, festivals, college, angst, pregnancy, depression and romance. It is set against the backdrop of the Britpop scene of 1996. The story is that of the main character Ellyott Chambers whose best friend Colin has committed suicide and tells of his troubles to come to terms with this. The reality of Ellyott’s situation is not revealed until near the end of the book, the distractions (of going out and getting wasted) for Ellyott are the distractions for the reader. There are around 30 characters, the scenes do not unrealistically only include the main group. The book tells things the way it is in a street-talk prose, although some sec- tions and chapters are written in a literary style. The main theme is to do with having noth- ing to look back on in life and nothing to look forward to, although there are many themes, mainly to do with being around that age of seventeen, that are explored. Chris Morton

Week 9 - 22nd March 2000 - HRB 9pm -2am 100% House & Garage/UK Underground

DJs: SL, Reza, Smokey T, & London Pirate Radio DJ MCs: Madhatta + guests bf000323.qxd 27/03/2000 14:40 Page 10

Alan D. Roy Brightens Up TheWeek With The Best &Worst of The University of Surrey Students’ Union Ents. Behold ...... bf000323.qxd 27/03/2000 14:40 Page 11

23/03/00 11 NOTICES & AGMss

AGMs &stuff With Fudge it won’t budge!!! Guildford Campus Radio - 29th March, 6pm, HRB Unplugged - 28th March, 6pm, HRB Jewish Society - 29th March, 1pm, Grant Mitchell Room HAIRTEC ladies hockey club agm tuesday week9 8pm at the varsity No Wave - 30th March, 7pm, Main Union 24 Madrid Road Women’s football - 26th March, 3.30pm, Varsity Bar (01483) 440414 Jiu Jitsu - 7th May, 8.00pm, Campusport Centre Sports Hall Mountain Walking (aka Hiking) - 28th March, 1pm, TB11 Cricket Club - 26th March, 8pm, Campusports Sports Hall Wing Tchun Kung Fu - 29th March, 5.20pm, Grant Mitchell Room, Student Union Reduced Jewish Society - 29 March, 1.00pm, Grant Mitchell Room, Students’ Union Oscar Film Unit (to elect a new committee) - 28th March, 6pm, LT H. prices for Women’s Rugby Club - 28th March, 6pm, Grant Mitchell Room Riding Club - 29th March, 4pm, Grant Mitchell Room, Students’ Union Students Sub Aqua Club - 30th March, 7pm, TB14 electronic amateur radio society agm tuesday week 10 at 6pm in 13bb21 Tuesday’s - Mech & Mat Eng - 28th March, 1pm - 30 BC 20 Cheerleading - 30th March, 7pm - LT D GameSoc - 26th March, 3pm - TB 10 Friday’s Student Industrial Society - 30th March, 7pm - TB 18 inclusive

Men's Football AGM Surrey University WIND BAND Varsity Bar Invites you to an evening of Lloyds great music that is fun to Monday 27th March (week 10) Chemist 8pm hearand fun to play! Come along to our concert on 28th For more details please con- March at 7:30pm in Madrid tact: [email protected] Studio 1 FREE ENTRY The Astolat EVERYONE WELCOME Road Apollo Video Store xNewsagent

Sorry to those people who have sent in pictures that didn’t make it in to CoC - there will be a page in 5XH hopefully so keep them coming bf000323.qxd 27/03/2000 14:40 Page 12

Safe journey Sunsail Regatta 2000 home, boys! Yachties miss bottle of booze by one point (bugger). Those were the last words heard by the two teams that dared to take on The Surrey Sailing team made it one the might of the University of Surrey step nearer to the trophy table with a Golf Team. The first unworthy oppo- pleasing 4th place in Sunsail’s corpo- nents that fancied taking on last rate regatta. The idea of this compe- year’s runners-up in the BUSA Cup tition was to have an opportunity to were the University of East Anglia. try the new team against some tough Surrey’s first team that consisted of competition so that we could highlight Mark Booker, Ajay Patel, Richard our weak points and build on team Caldwell, Neil Summers, Jamie work. O’Doherty and Jon Holmes stepped up to the tee with one point already in Sunsail obviously saw the students the bag, due to East Anglia making a coming (maybe our brand new small mathematical error, by turning humungous ‘battle flag’ gave it up with just 5 players! This meant that away), and it was with great amuse- yours truly did the honourable thing ment that on checking our boat’s and dropped himself and proceeded equipment we discovered that one of to meander around the course casting our sails had been completely ripped a watchful eye over the matches. To in two. Saturday’s racing produced be honest he might as well have left 5th and 3rd places, a twisted jib, all his team members behind as the some stray spinnekar sheets, a smallest win was 4 and 2 (4 holes up dodgy start, and a few bruises, but with 2 holes left to play), and the also a great sense of achievement. largest win was a perfect 10 and 8 (10 We were making that boat move fast! holes up with 8 holes to play), dished out by our resident “Taff”, Jon Boy. So Sunday dawned sunny with a light the final score was an emphatic 6-0! wind. All the boats had improved and so we held much the same position in In the second round of the BUSA the fleet while getting better all the knockout we faced Reading Sporting Vernacular. time. The first race saw an extremely University fielding the same team as close start with a collision right in front Thoughts related to ways todle of it gazing up at the clouds,sure of the lift, however in an in the previous round. In order to get of us on the line. We gained 3rd place all of our home advantage we cun-keep fit so that I can still fit intoand ask yourself, why is it here?attempt to lure students away finishing seconds before the boat in ningly booked an early tee-off time ofmy Colour’s-ball dress after from the healthy benefits of the4th . The wind died for the last race Easter. No. 3 Live off campus. My onlystairs the library installed a 9.30am, this meant that Reading had and some sharp navigational eyes form of exercise is to hurtle upbrand spanking new lift. An eldo- to leave at 7.00am so that they would and cheeky tactics helped us gain avoid the rush hour traffic. Facing a and down the Tesco’s footpathrado among elevatory equip-several places by completely splitting No.1 Trolley race. An oldon my bike, leaving a trail ofment. This lift has carpet on the weary team, the first victory was to from the fleet, finishing in 4th. arrive at the thirteenth hole withfavourite, not that hurtling downshopping students waving theirwalls (to prevent injury from Richard winning 6 and 5. Others fol-Stag Hill in a trolley will keep youfists at me from the undergrowthunexpected turbulence?) a mir-Next stop….BUSA Yachting lowed suit with Jon and Mark winningfit, but running away from securi-where they had dived for cover,ror at the back (so that you canNationals. easily. Ajay was determined to lose byty will. the installation of new lights wasinspect your spots on the way to trying to miss putts, however he didn’t naturally very welcome as peo-level 4), and then wonder upon Linds try hard enough as he won 2 up onNo.2 Bowling. Has anyone everple can see me coming, (howev-wonder ….it talks! However it the eighteenth. Neil and I dispatchedseen a single person playinger they are no bloody gooddid occur to me that in a building RIDING CLUB AGM our opponents comfortably to leavebowls on Twyford Court’s ownunless you actually turn themwhere mobiles are banned and another University in Surrey’s wakebeautifully kept bowling green?on). talking is definitely frowned on,Date: Wednesday of Week 10 (6-0) as we cruise into the quarter-Why not take the opportunity having a lift whose haughty finals for the sixth consecutive year.now that the weather is fine.No.4 Walking up and down thetones can be heard ringing out Time: 4pm Needless to say the boys were seenPlay bowls on it, cart-wheelstairs in the library became aacross an entire floor is com- staggering around the Union later thatacross it, or simply lie in the mid-new form of keep-fit with the clo-plete madness. LE Place: Grant Mitchell Room, night. I would just like to take this Students' Union opportunity to thank all the support- ers, who came up to watch last For more info please contact: Wednesday and hope you can make [email protected] it again on the 3rd May. Ski Club Jamie O’Doherty (Captain) and Whilst the slopes of the Alps are glistening with Mountain Walking Ajay Patel (Vice Captain) the spring snow and heaving with the throngs of (aka Hiking) holiday makers pottering down the well groomed pistes, the ski season back in England is drawing AGM week 10, 1pm TB11 to a close. The 4th and final round of the Kings Tuesday. Ski Club Races, held at Wycombe Summit, saw some of the best performances by the UniS Ski Annual General Meeting Team in recent years. The final round saw teams CRICKET CLUB AGM from universities across London and the South, giving it there all in a closely fought battle for Date: Sunday 26th March places in the national finals. Having missed a cru- 2000 The University of Surrey cial race at the beginning of the year, Surrey’s Time: 8pm TaeKwonDo Club is to hopes of making the finals were slim to nil. Determined to finish on a high, however, and hold its Annual General wanting to better last years’ position of 30th, both Place: Campusports Sports meeting on Surrey 1 and Surrey 2 gave an impressive final Hall performance. Monday March 27th at For more info please contact: 4pm Both teams put in some first class races beating Mark ec62md at Wates house the likes of Greenwich, Royal Holloway, Kent, Southampton and just loosing out to Oxford in the GOLF CLUB AGM final race. Following the humiliation of Surrey 2 All members and current beating Surrey 1 in the third round, the first teamDate: Week 10 Tuesday 28th club personnel are expect- were able to save face by coming an impressive March ed to attend as this is 6th place, a whole point ahead of the second team in 7th place out of the 16 teams participat- Time: 18.00 (sharp) when the chairperson, ing. Final positions in the London and Southern secretary and treasurer League put Surrey’s teams in 12th and 13th Place: Chancellors will be voted in. place out of the 30 entered, well above last years final position of 30. For more info please contact: Jamie on 07909 912570 5XHMagazine - Coming soon......