I am going to talk today about gender and power but want to start by saying how humbled I am to be here with all of you - women who likely have more expertise and wisdom to share with me about gender and power than I have to share with you. Even as I speak, I have an inner voice asking me, “Do I really belong here?”. You know that inner voice - the one we hear constantly ​ ​ that tells us that we are not smart enough, good enough, or worthy enough? ​

So, actually, before I can talk about power, I first want to talk about that inner voice that holds us back and keeps us small: our “imposter syndrome”.

Imposter syndrome1 was coined as a phrase in 1978 by Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes. ​ People who suffer from it feel that they do not deserve the success they have achieved. They attribute it not to their effort and ability but to luck, or timing, or to the fact that they have deceived others into thinking that they are better than they actually are. It turns out to be surprisingly widespread and particularly so among high achievers. Research has shown that around forty percent of successful people do not believe they deserve their success and that as many as seventy percent have felt this way at some time or other.

In fact, research shows that two-thirds of incoming students at Stanford Business School believe they were only admitted because of an admissions error of some kind and nearly seventy five percent of students at Harvard Business School felt the same way.

My colleague and friend, Rabba Yaffa Epstein, argues that imposter syndrome is actually very Jewish. , , , , , Hillel, and Akiva were all outsiders who entered into a world that didn’t accept them and where they did not belong. Yaffa describes how she is just joining a long line of great leaders who suffered from imposter syndrome. In her words, “I ​ have imposter yichis- lineage. It’s simply in my blood.”.

Although we are creeping up to the High Holy Day, let’s hone in on Esther, whose texts can be found in the Jewish Wisdom section of the "Money, Gender and Power: A Guide to Funding with ​ a Gender Lens”.

Many are familiar with the story. Esther, like so many women before her, was kept covered and out of sight. Her very name forms the root hester, which means hidden. She was powerless ​ ​ and silent. Others spoke on her behalf. She was a pawn in someone else's story.

1 Pauline Clance and Suzanne Ament Imes, “The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: ​ Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention.” Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, vol. 15, no. 3, ​ ​ 1978, pp. 241–247.

But then, Esther realizes that she can no longer remain silent. Like the famous Martin Luther King quote, "There comes a time when silence is betrayal." she realizes that she must speak up ​ ​ on behalf of the Jewish people whose lives are imperiled. So she fasts for three days and ​ prepares herself to ask her husband, King Achashverosh, for his help in saving the Jewish people. And the verse tells us: :1 ​

וַיְִהי ַבּיּוֹם ַהשִּׁלי ִשׁי, וַ ִתְּלַבּשׁ ֶאס ֵתּר ַמְלכוּת, וַ ַתּעמֹד ַבּ ֲחַצר ֵבּית- ַהֶמֶּלך ַהפִּני ִמית , נַֹכח ֵבּית ַהֶמֶּלך; וְַהֶמֶּלך ְ ְ ֲ ְ ְ ְ ְ יוֹ ֵשׁב ַעל-ִכֵּסּא ַמְלכוּתוֹ, ְבֵּבית ַה ַמְּלכוּת, נַֹכח, ֶפּ ַתח ַהָבּיִת On the third day, Esther put on royalty (kingship) and stood in the inner court of the king’s palace, facing the king’s palace, while the king was sitting on his royal throne in the throne room facing the entrance of the palace.

What do you notice about this verse? You would think the verse would say Esther donned “royal clothing”. Instead, it says she donned “kingship”. What is the verse implying? How do you ​ ​ ​ “donn” kingship? ​

Esther put on more than clothing. At that moment, she stepped into her role as a leader making the courageous decision to save the Jewish people from ’s destruction. You can imagine all the excuses she might have made to remain passive. Her inner voice might have told her “it ​ is not your place to speak up. It is not your time to shine. Let others lead. You have other responsibilities. Stay quiet. Head down. Remain hidden”. Instead, she put on her royal clothing ​ and shed that inner voice along with the metaphorical “clothing” that kept her hidden, small, and powerless. imposter syndrome plagues so many women today. Rather than stepping up into leadership roles, we often retreat. Yet Esther overcame her fear and instead chose to wear her confidence boldly. In fact, it became part of her identity. The Malbim (19th century scholar) on Esther ​ (Igeret HaPurim) 5:1 says it like this: ​ ​ such that all who saw her ,(מידה) She wore "royalty" and it became an attribute recognized how suitable the monarchy was [on her], as it says, "I clothed myself in righteousness and it robed me" (. 29:14).

She donned royalty in that she stepped into power and accepted her authority. By doing so, faith in herself and internal confidence became baked into her character. As a result, the story is named for her. It’s not called The Book of Achashverosh or The Book of Mordechai. It’s called The because it is this very moment when she saw herself as a leader that shaped the destiny of this story.

Imagine where we would be if Esther had listened to her inner voice telling her to remain silent and small. Imagine where the world would be if many of our leaders: Moses, , Hillel, Shammai, Martin Luther King, John Lewis, Greta Thunbergs, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and all of us ​ who are activists and philanthropists acquiesced to that voice telling us “No. Be silent. Don’t.”. ​ ​

In her book, “Play Big,” Tara Mohr begs us to not give in to our inner voice. She urges us to ​ ​ move past self-doubt and create what we most want to create. In her words, “it’s about you ​ living with a sense of greater freedom to express your voice and pursue your aspirations.”

Let Esther be our model for shutting out that voice. Instead, ask yourself, “What are the things ​ holding you back from leading and what are you doing to overcome them? How can you shatter your inhibitions and assert your leadership to help make our world better?”.

It’s hard to shut out that inner voice. But as I am more aware of my imposter syndrome, I work to quiet it. it’s still there, asking me if I belong. But I work to hear other voices as well. I want to own my power and I seek out that thin, still voice that says: “You matter. You belong. Have ​ courage. Be big. Think big. Give big. You can make a difference.”.

______Texts:

Esther 5:1 (On the third day, Esther put on royalty (kingship וַיְִהי ַבּיּוֹם ַהשִּׁלי ִשׁי, וַ ִתְּלַבּשׁ ֶאס ֵתּר ַמְלכוּת, ְ ְ ,and stood in the inner court of the king’s palace וַ ַתֲּעמֹד ַבּ ֲחַצר ֵבּית- ַהֶמֶּלְך ַה ְפִּני ִמית , נַֹכח ֵבּית facing the king’s palace, while the king was sitting ַהֶמֶּלְך; וְַהֶמֶּלְך יוֹ ֵשׁב ַעל-ִכֵּסּא ַמְלכוּתוֹ, ְבֵּבית on his royal throne in the throne room facing the ַה ַמְּלכוּת, נַֹכח, ֶפּ ַתח ַהָבּיִת. entrance of the palace.

Malbim (19th century scholar) on Esther (Igeret HaPurim) 5:1: ​ ​ such that all who saw her recognized ,(מידה) She wore "royalty" and it became an attribute how suitable the monarchy was [on her], as it says, "I clothed myself in righteousness and it robed me" (Job. 29:14).