Sometimes all you need to do PUB JOANNE ROSSMASSLER FRITZ is keep quiet 6/21 and listen. And you will hear deep inside yourself FRITZ the tiny whisper of truth.

When twelve-year-old Maddie’s older brother vanishes from his college campus, her carefully ordered world falls apart. Maddie needs to know: Was DEBUT Strum unhappy? Were the arguments with their dad getting worse? Or is NOVEL Strum’s disappearance related to his obsession with the climate crisis . . . IN VERSE As Maddie tries to solve the mystery, painful family secrets come to light. Maybe her parents aren’t who she thought they were. Maybe her nervous thoughts and compulsive counting mean she needs help. And maybe finding Strum won’t solve everything. But she knows he’s out there, and she has to try. This moving debut novel in verse addresses some of the most compelling issues of today’s youth—climate change, intergenerational discourse, and anxiety—while leaving the reader with hope and strength.

JOANNE ROSSMASSLER FRITZ developed her love of children’s books by working in a school library, the independent bookstore Chester County Book and Music Company, and at a publishing company. She and her husband live outside West Chester, Pennsylvania.

MARKETING AND EVERYWHERE BLUE PUBLICITY CAMPAIGN Publication Date: 6/1/21 . Ages 8–12 Hardcover ISBN: 978-0-8234-4862-3 . National Media Campaign $17.99.5½ x 8¼ .256 pages .Blogger Outreach with Climate Change E-book ISBN: 978-0-8234-5060-2 and Mental Health Targeted Pitches UNCORRECTED PROOF.NOT FOR SALE .Trade Story Pitch Please check publication information and quotations against the published Select Local Author Appearances . edition. Price, page count, and .Social Media Campaign publication date are subject to change without notice. For more information, .Parenting Blogger Advertising Campaign please contact Sara DiSalvo at [email protected] .Promote at National School and Library Conventions Jacket art by Elena Megalos .National Poetry Month Promotion .Educator’s Guide 50 Broad Street, #301 . New York, NY 10004 HolidayHouse.com @HolidayHouseBks ADVANCE READER’S COPY—NOT FOR SALE

everywhere blue_arc_cvr_f.indd 1 12/2/20 1:11 PM 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 JOANNE ROSSMASSLER FRITZ 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 S31 NEW YORK N32

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd i 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM Copyright © 2021 by Joanne Rossmassler Fritz All Rights Reserved HOLIDAY HOUSE is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Printed and bound in TK at Maple Press, York, PA, USA. www.holidayhouse.com First Edition 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Library of Congress Cataloging‑in‑Publication Data TK

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd ii 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 FOR MY MOTHER, 09 10 AND IN MEMORY OF MY FATHER 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 S31 N32

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd iii 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 Part One 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 S31 N32

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd v 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 DIMINUENDO 02 03 November 04 05 November pulls me down. 06 Like a diminuendo in music, 07 gradually dying away. 08 Darkness falls too early 09 and the chill creeps in. 10 11 Before dusk, 12 13 before we learn the truth 14 about my brother, 15 16 this day plays out 17 like any ordinary day, 18 a symphony of sameness. 19 20 Just the way I like it. 21 22 At 2:46 that afternoon 23 I duck out the main doors 24 of Margaret Murie Middle School, 25 frowning as I avoid 26 the straggly line of kids 27 waiting for buses. 28 Glad I’m not in that line today. 29 Emma waves. “Bye, Maddie!” 30 I wave back with a grin. S31 N32 1

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 1 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 Fridays mean lessons. 02 Gripping my instrument case 03 and hunching my shoulders 04 against the cold, 05 I walk four blocks west 06 to my music teacher’s house. 07 08 I love walking. 09 If I lived in the city, 10 instead of boring old Bennett Corners, 11 I’d walk everywhere. Especially 12 the Kimmel Center, for concerts. 13 But I’m only twelve. 14 It’ll be years before I can move 15 to Philadelphia. 16 17 As I walk up Mr. Rimondi’s driveway, 18 I count my steps. 19 Eleven. An odd number 20 is not a good number. 21 Something will go wrong. 22 23 I could add an extra step, 24 a tiny one, 25 but that would be cheating. 26 Dread fills my chest like cold sludge. 27 This will not be a good lesson. 28 29 Crushed leaves 30 rotting against the stoop 31S smell like the turkey feather 32N I use to clean the saliva 2

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 2 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM from my oboe, 01 especially when too much spit 02 clots the feathery tips together 03 into a sodden lump. 04 The leaves smell of mold and sadness 05 and leftover rain. 06 07 They smell of 08 November. 09 10 11 12 My Real Name 13 14 “You’re late,” Mr. Rimondi says. 15 16 But he smiles his crooked smile 17 so I know he’s only kidding. 18 I glance at the big clock on the wall 19 above the music stand, 20 with the red second hand 21 sweeping past the two, 22 and smile back. 23 If I can make him laugh, 24 maybe 25 it will still be a good lesson. 26 27 “Twelve seconds. Not that late.” 28 29 He throws his head back and laughs, 30 a bright, brassy sound like . S31 “Madrigal, you could be a metronome. N32 3

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 3 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 You’re so precise.” He wipes his eyes 02 with a handkerchief, chuckles some more. 03 04 Mr. Rimondi is the only one who uses 05 my real name. 06 Everyone else calls me Maddie, 07 except Aria calls me Mad 08 and Strum calls me M. 09 They both hate the musical names 10 our parents gave us. 11 12 But I like them. 13 They define us as a family, 14 even if sometimes 15 there is dissonance. 16 17 18 19 My Oboe 20 21 While my reed soaks 22 in a small cup of warm water, 23 I assemble my oboe, 24 gently screwing in each piece 25 in the right order. 26 27 Order is good. 28 Order is calming. 29 Just like even numbers. 30 Order helps me to 31S stop thinking bad thoughts. 32N About me throwing up. 4

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 4 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM People bleeding. 01 Or someone dying. 02 03 The last thing to be inserted is my reed. 04 It tastes earthy, 05 the way fallen leaves smell 06 before they get wet. 07 Oboe reeds are fragile. 08 Twin pieces of cane carved out 09 and pressed together. 10 11 My best friend, Emma, plays the , 12 which uses a wider single reed, 13 sturdier and less breakable. 14 also sound ­different—​ 15 deeper and mellower. 16 17 sound a lot like ducks. 18 That was why Prokofiev 19 chose the oboe to represent a duck 20 in Peter and the Wolf. 21 22 23 Peter and the Wolf 24 25 There is an oboe solo 26 in Peter and the Wolf 27 that’s so beautiful 28 it makes my throat burn. 29 30 That solo reminds me of the time S31 Daddy took us N32 5

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 5 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 to see Peter and the Wolf, 02 performed by the Philadelphia Orchestra, 03 when I was seven. 04 05 We sat in the second tier, 06 the three of us bookended 07 by Maman and Daddy. 08 We were all riveted. 09 10 Well, Strum and I, anyway. 11 12 Aria was eleven. 13 She yawned a big fake yawn, 14 pretending to be bored. 15 Probably hoping Strum would 16 agree with her. 17 18 When the oboist played the duck’s theme, 19 I tugged Strum’s arm. “Listen,” I whispered. 20 “Isn’t it beautiful?” 21 22 Strum was fourteen then. 23 He didn’t talk to me much. 24 But that evening, 25 Strum leaned over, 26 blue eyes wide open. 27 “You’re right. 28 It makes my body 29 hum. And it feels like . . . 30 like coming home.” 31S 32N 6

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 6 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM I’m only the second oboe 01 but I want to play that solo 02 in the school orchestra’s 03 winter concert, 04 which is three months away. 05 I’ll need to work hard 06 to prove I’m good enough. 07 08 09 10 Perfect 11 12 Today’s lesson is “Morning Mood” 13 from Peer Gynt Suites 14 by Edvard Grieg. 15 I love this song. It’s bright and uplifting. 16 17 I begin to play, 18 my chest filling up with the notes, 19 swelling from the magic. 20 21 I concentrate on my embouchure, 22 the proper shaping of my mouth 23 to achieve the perfect vibration. 24 The perfect sound. 25 26 Everything must be 27 perfect. 28 29 30 S31 N32 7

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 7 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 Not Good Enough 02 03 Afternoon sunlight filters 04 through the dusty window and 05 falls across my sheet music. 06 07 The notes wobble 08 as I get distracted. 09 10 Sunlight makes me want 11 to be outside. 12 Exploring the woods or 13 swinging on our old swing set 14 in the sunny rectangle 15 of our backyard, 16 while Gizmo finds interesting things 17 to sniff under the shrubbery. 18 Gizmo is really Strum’s dog, 19 even if he sleeps in my room now. 20 21 By the time my mother arrives 22 to pick me up 23 it will be dusk. Almost dinnertime. 24 25 26 Too late. 27 28 I’m allowed to walk from school 29 to Mr. Rimondi’s house. 30 But I’m not allowed to walk home. 31S “It’s too far,” Maman always says. 32N “Et trop sombre.” Too dark. 8

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 8 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM The squeal when I miss the G‑sharp 01 makes me wince and hunch my shoulders. 02 How could I do that? 03 My fingers slow down as I keep playing. 04 The tempo lags. 05 06 “Again,” Mr. Rimondi says. 07 “You’re hesitating too much 08 in this piece. 09 It should be a lilting, pastoral tune. 10 You’re making it a dirge.” 11 12 I’ll never be good enough. 13 14 My hands start trembling 15 so I count the measures. 16 Onetwothreefourfivesix. 17 Even number. Good. 18 It puts me in my safe space. 19 20 Deep breath. 21 22 I’m calm again. 23 Mr. Rimondi taps his pencil 24 on the sheet music. Taptaptap. 25 “Focus, Madrigal. Try it again.” 26 27 I blow too hard. Kraark! 28 29 “No, no,” he says, still calm, 30 still patient. S31 He points to his stomach. N32 9

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 9 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 “Breathe in from here. 02 Then breathe out slowly.” 03 04 I know this. 05 06 And I know the notes 07 but I can’t find the feel 08 of the music, 09 can’t figure out how to create emotions 10 that simmer and fizz and boil inside 11 until they need to burst out 12 as melodies, 13 as beauty, 14 as magic. 15 When I hear recorded music, 16 I recognize the feel, 17 especially when my father 18 plays a vinyl record. 19 20 But I can’t produce it myself. 21 And that’s frustrating. 22 Could I really be a metronome? 23 Something mechanical 24 and not human? 25 26 27 28 The Importance of Punctuality 29 30 Finally, it’s ­four-­thirty and I can escape. 31S I jam the turkey feather 32N into my oboe to clean it. 10

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 10 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM Not a good lesson. 01 02 My stomach wobbles. 03 I take apart my oboe 04 and fit each section into its 05 proper place in the crushed velvet 06 of my instrument case. 07 This should calm me but 08 it doesn’t. 09 I say goodbye and thank you 10 to Mr. Rimondi. 11 He smiles. “See you next week.” 12 13 I walk outside 14 and peer through the darkening gloom. 15 Stand in the empty driveway, 16 dazed, wondering why 17 my mother’s car isn’t here. 18 Tap my foot over and over. 19 It’s unusual for Maman 20 to be late. 21 She’s a teacher. 22 A voice coach. 23 She knows 24 the importance of punctuality. 25 26 27 28 Something Is Wrong 29 30 Something is wrong. S31 Seven cars whizz past on Maple Lane N32 11

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 11 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 and I can’t stand still. I’m jumpy 02 and tingling. 03 Finally, the gray Toyota 04 swings into the driveway. 05 Headlights sweep 06 over me and illuminate 07 Mr. Rimondi’s garage door. 08 Flaking paint mars the lowest board. 09 10 I glance into the car, shocked 11 to see not my mother 12 but Aria. 13 14 I yank open the door. 15 “Where’s Maman? Why are you here? 16 I thought you couldn’t drive 17 after dark yet. 18 That’s the rule.” 19 20 I try to steady my voice as I 21 duck into the passenger seat but 22 my hands are shaking and it takes three tries 23 to hook my seat belt. 24 Something is wrong. 25 26 27 28 The Moment Everything Changes 29 30 Aria shakes her head. 31S “Mad, calm down.” 32N 12

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 12 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM Her eyes are red. 01 Her skin pale. 02 Has Aria 03 been crying? 04 My heart tumbles. 05 Down and down. 06 What is wrong? 07 08 She starts to back into the road 09 but a car honks as it roars past, 10 startling us both. 11 “Sorry,” she says, 12 pianissimo, like a whisper. 13 14 15 I swallow hard. 16 “That’s okay. I shouldn’t 17 have distracted you.” 18 19 She pulls more smoothly 20 into the road, 21 turns right at the light, 22 and heads south for home. 23 “Maman’s a mess,” she says. 24 “Dad’s with her. 25 The police called.” 26 27 My pulse pounds. Whoosh whoosh. 28 The police? 29 “Why?” My voice sounds small 30 in the wide darkness of the car. S31 N32 13

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 13 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 She clears her throat. 02 “It’s about Strum.” 03 Strum? Strum’s in trouble? 04 “What did he do?” I ask. 05 “Get drunk at one of those college parties?” 06 07 Aria’s hands grip the steering wheel 08 so hard her knuckles turn yellow. 09 “No.” 10 She inhales sharply. 11 “Strum disappeared.” 12 13 14 15 The World Swirls and Falls Away 16 17 Wait. 18 Maybe I didn’t hear her right. 19 “Did you say . . . 20 he disappeared? 21 You mean like, he’s gone?” 22 Aria nods. 23 My heartbeat speeds up and my 24 breath catches. I picture my lungs 25 collapsing, unable to suck in air. 26 27 The world swirls 28 and falls away, 29 like one of those carnival rides 30 Strum took me on last summer. 31S The room spun around 32N faster and faster 14

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 14 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM until the floor dropped out 01 from under us. Whoosh. 02 03 Aria turns the car into our street 04 and pulls into our driveway 05 behind Daddy’s SUV. 06 She stops the car 07 but we don’t get out. 08 09 10 She rubs her eyes. 11 “Mad, just listen to me. 12 No one knows anything for sure. 13 Strum walked away from campus 14 yesterday afternoon. 15 But he didn’t take his phone 16 or laptop. He left 17 most of his things 18 behind.” 19 20 Why wouldn’t Strum take 21 his phone? 22 My pulse thunders in my ears, 23 whoosh WHOOSH 24 whoosh WHOOSH. 25 26 27 28 Time Comes Unstuck 29 30 Aria tosses her long dark hair S31 over her shoulder. N32 15

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 15 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 “The police were called in 02 because Strum’s roommate 03 reported him missing today. 04 He never came back 05 last night. 06 He didn’t show up 07 for classes 08 today.” 09 10 She takes a deep breath. 11 “And Maman is freaking out. 12 So we need to help her. Okay?” 13 14 I nod, 15 even though I’m confused. 16 Maman is the strongest person I know. 17 “They’ll find him, right? 18 He’ll be okay, won’t he?” 19 20 “Of course.” 21 But Aria won’t look me in the eyes. 22 23 Strum, where are you? 24 Inside my head 25 French horns growl 26 like the wolf in Peter and the Wolf. 27 Everything seems unreal. 28 29 An hour ago I was thinking 30 about the ­crushed-­leaf taste 31S of my reed 32N and ­mid-­November darkness. 16

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 16 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM Thinking about 01 how hard I’ll need to work 02 so I can earn a solo. 03 04 Now, all that seems 05 as if it happened a long time ago. 06 Time has come unstuck 07 and I don’t know if I’ve been 08 in the car for weeks or days or hours 09 or only a few seconds. 10 11 12 13 Running 14 15 Aria opens her door. Climbs out. 16 17 No. 18 I can’t. 19 Can’t go in the house. 20 I want everything still 21 in its place. 22 Strum back in college 23 and everything right with the world. 24 25 I won’t think about what 26 Aria said. 27 28 Closing my mind to her words, 29 I shove open the door 30 and run. S31 Legs pumping, N32 17

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 17 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 shoes smacking the cracked flagstone path 02 around the side of the house and into our 03 small backyard. 04 Leap onto the swing, 05 where I know I’ll be safe. 06 07 Then Gizmo runs out, barking. 08 Gizmo. 09 Strum’s dog. 10 11 Woof ! Woof ! Woof ! 12 I jump off and 13 cover my ears. 14 15 16 17 Cement Wall 18 19 My mind hardens, 20 a cement wall between me 21 and the world. 22 23 Strum can’t be missing. 24 He’s at college 25 in Colorado, 26 studying wildlife biology. 27 28 If I call his phone 29 he will answer. 30 He will laugh and joke 31S with me, 32N then turn serious: 18

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 18 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM remind me the Arctic sea ice 01 is still melting, 02 03 remind me polar bears 04 are losing their habitat, 05 06 remind me poorer countries 07 face bigger threats than we do, 08 09 remind me Daddy 10 doesn’t believe 11 in the climate crisis. 12 13 Gizmo weaves through 14 my legs, barking and barking. 15 16 “Please, Maddie,” 17 Daddy says, 18 hunching down in front of me. 19 When did he get here? 20 21 “I need you to be strong 22 for Maman’s sake.” 23 Daddy’s voice is rough, 24 his blue eyes more intense than normal. 25 “I need you to 26 help us.” 27 28 Even as Daddy ushers me 29 into the house, his trembling hands 30 trying to steer my shoulders, S31 even as Maman hugs me, N32 19

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 19 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 her nose 02 pink from crying, 03 even as Aria flings herself onto 04 the sofa, arms crossed, 05 face caving in, 06 the wall in my head grows 07 harder. 08 09 10 11 It’s Not True 12 13 Strum didn’t disappear. 14 15 Maybe he went hiking and got lost 16 and now he’s wandering around the woods, 17 thirsty and hungry and confused. 18 19 Maybe he went mountain climbing 20 and twisted his ankle. 21 22 Maybe he fell in a hole 23 and got stuck. 24 25 I wrap my arms around 26 my middle. The cement has 27 spread from my head to 28 my stomach, my legs, 29 everywhere. 30 My mouth tastes of metal 31S and I swallow it down. 32N 20

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 20 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM “Maddie,” Daddy says. 01 “We need your help.” 02 03 My help? “Why?” 04 A crack forms 05 in the cement. 06 A crack that runs from my head 07 to my chest. 08 09 “A detective is on his way here,” 10 Daddy says. 11 Maman wipes her eyes with a balled‑up tissue. 12 “He wants to talk to us,” she says. 13 “He’ll need to find out 14 more about Strum.” 15 16 Daddy holds my hand in 17 his rough, unsteady one. “And 18 you know Strum better than 19 anyone.” 20 21 This is true. 22 Chunk by chunk, 23 the cement wall 24 crumbles. 25 26 27 28 The House Is Too Quiet 29 30 The house is too quiet. S31 N32 21

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 21 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 It takes me a moment 02 but then I realize 03 04 there is no music. 05 06 Music always fills 07 our house. Mostly classical music. 08 09 Sometimes Daddy plays the . 10 He’s a piano tuner by day, 11 a composer by night 12 (not that anyone wants to buy 13 his compositions). 14 Or he plays a vinyl record, 15 insists it’s a warmer, richer sound than digital. 16 17 18 Maman often sings or hums 19 snatches of . 20 Her voice is warm and soothing, 21 like having your hair brushed 22 by someone else. 23 24 She’s a voice coach 25 with a tiny studio in town 26 (not that anyone here 27 wants to learn ). 28 29 Without music 30 the house is too 31S unsettling. 32N 22

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 22 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM The Detective 01 02 The detective 03 lumbers into the living room, 04 wheezing a bit, 05 and hikes up his pants. 06 He’s a large man with 07 small squinty eyes 08 and closely cropped gray hair. 09 10 Maman shows him to 11 the company chair 12 (the one where we’re not allowed 13 to sit) and he sinks in. 14 15 16 He accepts a cup of coffee 17 from Daddy’s trembling hands, 18 hot liquid sloshing 19 into the saucer. 20 21 Gizmo barks up at the stranger. 22 I murmur into his shaggy hair, 23 “Gizmo, Gizmo. 24 It’s okay. Quiet now.” 25 26 The detective smiles briefly at me 27 —​­exactly the kind of 28 fake smile some ­grown-­ups 29 award to a very small child. 30 I don’t like that kind of grown‑up. S31 N32 23

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 23 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 But if he can find Strum 02 I will make an exception. 03 04 05 The Facts 06 07 The detective’s name is 08 Michael Sanderson. 09 He is our liaison 10 with the Colorado police unit. 11 In his rumbly voice 12 he repeats the facts of the case. 13 14 Strum walked away from campus 15 at approximately 2:30 p.m. 16 yesterday, 17 which was Thursday. 18 A security camera caught him striding 19 purposefully across the lawn, 20 his backpack slung over 21 one shoulder. 22 The detective 23 holds out a phone, 24 showing us the blurry photo. 25 It’s Strum all right. 26 Always in a hurry to go 27 somewhere. 28 29 I almost smile, then catch myself. 30 31S In the photo, Strum is wearing 32N jeans and a hoodie 24

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 24 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM and hiking boots. 01 His face is a sickly white 02 under the black daggers of his hair. 03 04 Detective Sanderson 05 tells us Strum was 06 heading for the north end 07 of campus. 08 “Possibly toward the 09 downtown bus station.” 10 11 12 He looks at Daddy. 13 “As I told you on the phone, 14 Mr. Lovato, 15 his roommate 16 reported him missing 17 this morning. 18 And his professors say he didn’t show 19 for classes today. 20 You mentioned you 21 weren’t expecting him 22 for four more days.” 23 24 The detective pauses 25 to slurp some coffee. 26 The guzzling sound makes 27 my stomach twist. 28 Don’t throw up don’t throw up don’t throw up 29 30 He puts the cup and saucer down S31 on the end table, N32 25

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 25 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM 01 wipes his mouth 02 with the cloth napkin. 03 “State police followed 04 the usual protocol 05 for missing persons under twent­ y-­one. 06 They talked to his professors and friends, 07 searched his room, 08 put a canine unit on the scent. 09 Unfortunately, 10 the dog lost the scent in town.” 11 12 “What does that mean?” 13 Maman asks in a whisper. 14 15 16 Detective Sanderson looks 17 at her and the crinkles 18 in his dark face 19 soften. 20 “He might have gotten 21 a lift.” 22 Maman inhales sharply 23 but I’m not sure why. 24 What’s going on? 25 26 “I don’t understand.” 27 Maman’s voice cracks, 28 tears well up in her brown eyes. 29 “Thanksgiving is next week. 30 He’s coming home on the train Tuesday. 31S It leaves Denver Sunday night.” 32N 26

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 26 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM I’ve never seen Maman look 01 so shaky. So lost. So frightened. 02 I try to swallow the lump in my throat. 03 04 But it’s stuck. 05 06 07 No Longer a Mountain 08 09 Two years ago 10 Maman’s parents died 11 when the plane taking them 12 back home to Paris 13 went down in the Atlantic. 14 That was a bleak time 15 for our family. 16 17 But Maman 18 was our mountain of strength. 19 She consoled the three of us, 20 stayed focused, 21 handled the paperwork 22 with a detached calm. 23 24 Now, though, 25 she seems different. 26 Fragile as a crushed leaf. 27 Thin and white as a dandelion puff. 28 The lump in my throat 29 melts into sour bile 30 and I force it down. S31 N32 27

Rossmassler_i-vi_1-250-r0mb.indd 27 10/23/20 5:13:10 PM