Digital Commons @ George Fox University

"The Crescent" Student Newspaper Archives and Museum

4-22-2009

"The Crescent" Student Newspaper, April 22, 2009

George Fox University Archives

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Recommended Citation George Fox University Archives, ""The Crescent" Student Newspaper, April 22, 2009" (2009). "The Crescent" Student Newspaper. 1323. https://digitalcommons.georgefox.edu/the_crescent/1323

This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Archives and Museum at Digital Commons @ George Fox University. It has been accepted for inclusion in "The Crescent" Student Newspaper by an authorized administrator of Digital Commons @ George Fox University. For more information, please contact [email protected]. WEDNESDAY | April 22, 2009

Meet the 2009-2010 Portland Associated summer Student events Community ARTS&CULTURE | Page 7 THE VOICE OF THE STUDENTS SINCE 189 FEATURE I Page 6

Volume CXXV Issue 11 G E O R G E F O X U N I V E R S I T Y georgefox.edu/crescent Journalism major to be added The voice of As university to GFU curriculum Fall 2009 the students grows, young alumni doners trends in journalism throughout t o w a r d s m o r e o n l i n e web design," Mock history deplete comments. Those students By ROBERT BAIZE B y N ATA L I E G O U L D Guest Reporter wanting to pursue N e w s E d i t o r a c a r e e r i n p r i n t j o u r n a l i s m a r e a t a George Fox University has a lack The Crescent has been the voice c r o s s r o a d s a t t h i s of young alumni donors. George of the students since 1891. Here Fox has seen exceptional growth in point in time because arc some of the headlines that the of the transformation the last 15 years. However, due to Crescent has published throughout and evolution of wcb- the small size of the university prior the years. bascd journalism. to the quick growth, there is only Mock argues, however, a small group of alumni who stand Tuition rises t h a t t h e r e i s s o m e to be potential donors. In addition, O c t o b e r 2 5 , 1 9 6 8 a e s t h e t i c v a l u e t o most of those who do give back are The tuition for the current year at over the age of 50, as giving is lacking holding a newspaper. " I t ' s d i f f e r e n t t h a n George Fox College is S330.00, and greatly in the younger demographics. room and board is $265.00. But these A small donor base creates many online, there's a kind rates will be changing in the next of objectivity in print problems for a university that is academic year. Because the cost of journalism that you seeking to keep up financially to don't get in blogs and living is constantly increasing, college the needs of a continually growing rates must also increase. The tuition Photo provided by Matt Meyer online journals and undergraduate population. An example of what students will learn in the journalism major. will be raised to $360.00, a $30.00 periodicals," she says. George Fox University often increase, and room and board will be S t u d e n t s w i l l l e a r n gains assistance in funding new raised to $280.00, a S25.00 increase. buildings, technology, and other B y N ATA L I E G O U L D how to publish in such "A lot of students are more campus-related projects through N e w s E t l i t o r portals as the web, magazines, and tuition rises The long awaited journalism interested in a focused newspapers, and will be required grants. Many times grant applications to send their work in to several Tie OBtioe tor ihe cnrretit seek to know what percentage of major has finally arrived. After many professional degree that yimr n Ceorte Fox CoUege U alumni give back to the institution. years of students trying to figure out publications of choice in the "Writing S330i)0. 2nd roooi and board b for Publication" class. SSfiSjDO. Bui thoe rales will be Typically, a greater percentage of just how they arc going to get their they can step out of college Those who arc not necessarily clisipiic m tbe oen acadetnic alumni who give bring a better journalism degree, after debating and immediately in to a year. Beeante tbe c(M of iivioB interested in writing articles for print is consundy increajing. eoOece likelihood of grant acceptance. over whether to choose a writing/ rale* must tiu> iacresie. Tbe career. With a journalism Cynthia Weston is the universir}''s literature major, a communications have the opportunity to choose the lUiliaa will be rabed to $360.00. broadcast track within the journalism a 530.00 increase, and room development writer, and writes most major, or a cinema and media degree, you have that extra aod room and board wSt be of the grant proposals for the school. communications major, the choice major. Many of the classes between raned to $35000. a $25.00 in- focus." the print and broadcast tracks are ^ ■ 1 1 - - • r n e m r . . . w ^ "It is better for an alumnus to give is now easy; students may simply Altbou^t ibe rales wffl be in- five dollars a year, than nothing at choose the journalism major. -Melanie Mock very similar, but each concentration creasing. George Fox CoB^e has classes unique to it as well. This win stai remain one of Ibc feast all. It is not about the amount given eapeintve private scboob in Previously, CMCO has offered a arc more interested in a focused that counts," she told Rob Felton's concentration in journalism, but there will strengthen the student in those Or^on. professional degree that they can step areas that are different between In cocspariioa U Lewis and professional writing class. The idea has not been a program completely whose KDunn and other out of college and immediately in to a is that if new graduates are able to devoted to journalism. Mclanie the two tracks. The idea is to give costs total $2600.00. George Fox total cwts axne to around career. With a journalism degree, you students a taste of each side of $2085.00. Thh shows thu get into the habit of giving regularly, Mock, along with Richard IZngncll, have that extra focus," Mock said. a s t h e i r s o c i o e c o n o m i c s i t u a t i o n Clella Jaffc, and Matt Meyer, decided journalism, in case they find they are George Fox b around $500.00 T h e c u r r i c u l u m i s b a s e d o f f o f leu expensive. it was due time. partial to an area they did not expect. As lime matebes on. the cost improves over the course of many classes from the writing/literature, I • h r t n ' * 1 b e ^ years, so will their giving. Mock, associate professor of Journalism students will be CMCO, and communications M a n y s t u d e n t s h o l d a writing/literature, was the spearhead required to fulfill two internships. this )*car in seeing the process to department. "We changed the title In the print concentration, one will misconception that giving an amount for a couple of the courses to not only so small would be deemed an insult completion of adopting a journalism reflect the new major, but the new to the institution. Correcting this See JOURNALISM | page 8 $ee PAST ] page 5 major. "It seems like a lot of students e r r o r w a s t h e f o c u s o f t h e A l u m n i Relations Office at the Exodus fair. Very few new graduates donate back to the school, and George Fox Student develops and markets iPhone application University is below the national average in the percent of alumni who B y L U I S Z A R A G O Z A said, "I have been hearing stories eventually give. Therefore a campaign called Senior Challenge is under way Guest Reporter recently about people creating which asks all seniors to give $20.09, applications for the iPhonc and One George Fox student turns iPod Touch and becoming quite in recognition of their graduation his struggle into his dream. Kris successful. I decided that 1 wanted to year. Graduating seniors are able to donate up until Commencement, lone.s, junior business administration put everything 1 learned at George major, suffered a spinal injury that Fox to use and create a company May 2 to be included in Senior propelled he and his wife into that built these games. We believed Challenge. Mention has been made medical debt. 'iTiis motivated him t h a t t h i s i s w h e r e G o d w a n t e d u s t o of naming a campus piece, such as a to take the risks to launch into the go. That company is named Pocket bench or other fixture, after the 2009 dream career of many students: video Monkey Games. Wc even have a graduating class, but no decisions game development. Facchook page and Twitter to help h.avc been made yet. "My wife and 1 sat down and promote the company." Although students may feel thai looked at our finances. As newlywcds, It turns out that virtually every four years of tuition is plenty to some of the biggest challenges male student who was interviewed give to George Fox. some recognize that donations, above tuition, arc that we face arc making the rent said.they would love to have a job in payment and putting food on the game design. The majority of female imperative to the long-term success table. Fverything was sailing along students thought it is pretty silly, but of the institution. Aaron Strutz, a smoothly and wc felt that we could a few said it would be "fun." Photo b/ Luis Zaragoza junior business administration major continue our modest lifestyle that However, Jones said that it is not Kris Jones, creator of Pocket Money Games says, "Even though wc pay our price in gold to be here, we wouldn't even was within our financial range." simply fun and games when it comes jones discovered that there was to designing the games. entity. Now 1 have a lawyer who Jones has documents chat show get that chance if it wasn't for the a problem between their medical "Starting a business is a great helps me manage all the intellectual many games arc generating upwards strong alumni donor base." insurance and the medical attention struggle and 1 experienced this first of $200,000 per month. Increased giving will improve property and distribution loopholes the likelihood of grant acceptance, that he received for his injury. Mis hand. I think since day one, about that 1 encounter." Jones credits George Fox increase the university's national insurance company claimed that they two months ago, I put in roughly 50 Pocket Monkey Games is University with being integral in his would lie unaiile to cover the costs hours a week dedicated to this start prepared to launch its first title, life, along with the professors who rankings, and help give scholarships sihcc they did nor conform to some up," Jones said. "Gbviously, this Sparta, by the end of April for iPhonc know what they arc doing and care and aid to new students coming into standards they had, which left Jones took away from much needed study and iPod Touch users. Jones said about the success of their students. George Fox University. and his wife with a bill that was twice time and my grades have suffered that from start to finish, the project He says it is priority for his company For more information on the their monthly income. for it. Another hard part was the took two months, with a total of to become active with those who are Senior Challenge or for other ways to give, students can contact Robby Me said that "it was at this legalities of the process arc seemingly 600 hours, to create the game with struggling in our economy through point that I realized I needed to do overwhelming when you first get into a budget of 515,000. He believes, donations, charities, and fundraising Larson, the Director of .Mumni something more to provide for my this business, video game design. based on "conservative" calculations, for non-profit organizations and Relations, at [email protected] or extension 2130, or they can contact family." Fir.st, 1 bad to deal with paying for all that each game he builds can generate churches the Office of Alumni Relations in When asked how he entered into of the licenses to start up and become $30,000 per month and his goal is to the game development business he incorporated as a legal business make one or two games a month. Pennington House. April 22. 2009

2 I O P I N I O N White is a color too, culture redefined

B y N ATA L I E G O U L D reflective of his or her jewish culture? much as they could of their German N e w s E d i t o r And what about people from Russia? identity. "'"uach ciM.c:nofehc Lniicd Sr«cs makes it the beautiful By AMANDA KATE Is culture just for people of color? Their skin is white in color, but a My mom and brother have blonde WINKELMAN Russian American certainly will have hair and blue eyes and look like as is. Beyond the skin color we all br g Voice and Opinion Editor Many would say that white Americans if they just moved frcjin (jcrmany something unique to this coun . things very unique to them that not Recently I bavt-' simply experience the "American all other white people have. yesterday. I, however, have dark hair Yes, we need to live in harmony, way" and really have no other global I g r e w u p i n a G e r m a n and hazel eyes, which I guess is why nced to appreciate each other, ant realize that this whole discovering ties. 1 beg to differ, just as there are household. Most everything my wc need to celebrate our differences wh""tsclfvr« Stuck and as do vou. what Embrace created countless opportunities for still had 35 or 40 years left to work. happens „e«, wSm^S love wide before nic, and without the bee"use you will be you forevc sttuciurc of school that had shaped employment and enrichment—so many opportunities, in fact, that to my existence forever, I wasn't sure choose one over all others becomes a what to do next. Main Office (503) 554-3011 difficult task. (£fcs!cent Busmesa I Ad Inquires (SOsj 554.3017 Every year, 1 talk to seniors who feel a similar melancholic-tinged I wish, now, that someone The Crescent Staff 2008-2009 must be 250 wordTw^.^wordTw^^ Lettera and ideas presented had persuaded mc to embrace author'saiithAr-o fewer signature and "iciudeinclude the52 excitement about graduating. They my Edltof in Chiel Voice I Canton Editor flerf ihSf necessariiy re- KRISTIN GNILE Reporters standing or job tiUe ^ass post-graduate unknowing; and so may or may not have received the AMANDA WINKELMAN TAYLOR KANEN phone number. Authoil /£ociS°i?H staf( the vaunted ring by spring; they may or I have made it a mission of sorts to Assistant Editor Feature/Sports Editor CRYSTALSTUVLAND wlfr^ivearepiyfor^eS.it^^®''®^ encourage students to celebrate this MEGAN E. PARKS kelsey hoff l^on. Letters aresubie?Mn IB2?®®f'^rifica- may not have a job lined up for the VANESSA WILKINS JENNY BRUINIER w 3 i^'wesKly publica- point of uncertainty. So to seniors, I CORl LINDSEY summer; they may or may not be Business Manager A&C I Fatli Editor moving home with their parents. say don't listen to those who rcll you JARED M0NTANE2 ALL! WALKER to hunker down, start your career, Photograptiers do What they share is the recognition APRIL BARKLEY News Editor Darkroom Manager that the game changes now, after buy a house, establish a retirement NATALIE GOULD WIL HOSKIN APRIL BARKLEY A5 graduation, and that the rhythms plan. Instead, explore your options. UURAN WOODRUFF '"®-"'®»:cr^cent@georgefox.^. ' ^Rimunrty since 189 April 22. 2009 VOICE OF THE STUDENTS | 3 Living at George Fox Debating the housing policy

A couple of weeks ago Fox students found out where they were going to live. This brought up discussion about the problems and the benefits with the current housing policy. At the time the policy is that you have to live on campus, unless you commute from your parents house, are 22 years or older, have senior class status, or are married. While some students think the policy is great to keep the community close others wish for change. 'riic changes students want to see consist of a change in the housing selection process to make it more fair. Students want to get rid of floor hours. Students want to live off campus at http://www.georgefox.edu any age or only have to be junior status. Should Geroge Fox Change What Should be changed about the current housing policy? the housing policies?

3% Maybe, unsure if 10% Other A response from the director of housing changes need to be made changes should about the housing policy happen

Ultimately, it is going to be the and security of students who live on university's mission that drives the campus than students who live off 20% Students housing policy and any changes that campus. should be would come to the housing policy. 5. A three-year residency allowed to live 'I'he intent of the policy is to support requirement is more financially sound off campus at the university mission to create a for the university than a one- or two- a n y a g e "caring educational community." year policy. Inherent in the university's 6. There is a level of community philosophy is the belief that a accountability that is not possible off- tremendous amount of education campus. happens outside the classroom and 7. On-campus students tend to be that the residential experience is a key more involved in campus life. part of this, Since a university is a complex There are likely other reasons, The poll was a result of 110 student responses institution, there are going to be but these are the most significant. lots of stakeholders in the process of The policy has been in place a long determining a policy as overarching time (it was in place when 1 was a a s t h i s o n e . E a c h o f t h o s e student in the mid-1990s). It has seen Students shouldn't have to live on campus stakeholders is going to answer the minor revisions in some of the details over the years—for instance the age question "why?" in a different way. B y J A N A T A N For students who live in credit for their class ranking due to This means there are a broad range at which one can live off campus was Guest Reporter the United States, but not AP credits, running start college of reasons for the policy; it is the sum reduced from 23 to 22 a couple years programs, or other forms of testing. of those reasons that answers the ago. Outside of those minor changes College is expensive. As soon in Oregon, off campus However, some students do not have there hasn't been talk of changing or as you arrive you realize how many question, "why?" housing would be a useful these opportunities. I do not believe ]. Taken as a whole, on-campus doing away with it. different fees can pile up. Although that it is fair system. While I am students perform better academically Since the core question is George Fox University offers a option. These students unsure of what can be done to make whether the policy supports the flat rate for housing, the policy than off-campus students. positive changes, I do think that the mission of the university, the driving for how housing is chosen and the already have to pay extra 2. Retention rates are higher system should be changed. for on-campus students than off- reason for a change would be an options available to students are not money during the holidays While it may seem like the campus students. Connections with understanding that the policy has extremely flexible. to get home. If Fox is college would lose money if it the community are a key factor in become an obstacle to or undermined As of now, only seniors can live truly committed to aiding changed the housing policy, I believe retention and having 70% of the the mission of the university. The off campus unless you arc living with that it may actually help. While student body on campus creates more students, 1 believe that policy will remain a core piece of the family members. I believe there are many arc interested in private school opportunity for these connections. undergraduate experience at George s e v e r a l i n s t a n c e s t h a t t h i s i s u n f a i r. off campus housing for education, it is extremely expensive. .3. Keeping a three year residency Fox as long as it helps the university First, international students do not students who live out of I think that housing is one area requirement means that we will have achieve its mission of creating have immediate family they can live where the institution can afford to be more junior and senior students on a community that supports and with. state should be an option. flexible. Allowing more students the A change in policy would campus. This makes for a broader complements the other educational option of off campus housing may range of experience, knowledge and components of the university. be especially beneficial for these option. These students already increase the number of students who have to pay extra money during the perspective on campus. T i m G o o d f c l l o w students' financial situation. Since are interested in Fox. If a student 4, It is easier to ensure the safctv Housing Director they do not have the option of living holidays to get home. If George Fox can create his or her own budget for with immediate family they must is truly committed to aiding students, I believe that off campus housing for housing that is significantly lower live on campus. The policy could be than what the university charges for altered to allow international students students who live out of state should be an option. housing, they may be more apt to the freedom to live on or off campus. make George Fox University their 1 think that this is an important way I t h i n k t h e m a j o r fl a w i n t h e college of choice. Living on campus beneficia that George Fox can attract a bigger housing system at George Fox is I close with the following: the Purchase a meal plan and you're set. international community. how housing is chosen. While class By KELSEY HOFF status is important, I think it is housing system as it is in favor by Reporter No trips to the grocery store and Second, there arc those whose some, creates problems for many. unfair to some students to use the food wasted in your attempts to last- family live too far away to be 1 b e l i e v e t h a t t h e i n s t i t u t i o n c a n credit system for priority in housing. minute-learn-to-cook. Just walk over convenient. For students who live in create a more fair housing system Living on campus is a GOOD Some students have the opportunity THING! Not only docs it give to the Bone. the United States, but not in Oregon, that will benefit the university and its off campus housing would be a useful to accumulate more than average students a chance to be more Lastly, there's the obvious: students. involved with the student body and Stay on campus to stay connected! the activities that are constantly It will be so much harder for you happening on the Fox campus, but to participate in school sponsored its also cheaper! events, home games, and class A Commuter's Persnective The cost of a room at activities if you're living off campus, Besides, you want to hang out with George Fox is S4680 a year. F'or the By CORI LINDSEY organized, but only a few people go Unconnected, misunderstood, and friends right? It'll be hard to drive (or nine months you spend at Fox, this Reporter to those. Living off campus, there is she even said she "doesn't fit in." This is S520 a month! Try finding a place bike, in 33 degree weather) to school By commuting, you save around no way to form those deep, personal should not be the way anyone feels, that cheap in Newbcrg that isn't run just to have a study session and then S7,000 in living expenses, get more friendships that most of us have cspeciallv at a Christian universitv. down and crawling in filth. It's near turn around and go back. Isn't it homework done, experience less made here. Most of them miss out Obviously, every learning impossible (trust me, I've tried). By easier to just walk down a hallway to trivial distraction, and have your on the midnight Taco Bell runs and institute from elementary schools the way, that price includes utilities, a study room and walk back to your family around to support you all the the all-nighter dance parties. They to universities have, and always will water, heating and cooling. Sure, Fox room? time. don't have roommates, floormates, have cliques to conform to, and charges you some money to put onto George Fox's rules about staying on For mc, off-campus housing was teammates (there arc exceptions), or people that just would rather hang out your laundry card, but don't you have campus until you're 22 or in your easy. Living .seven minutes away, I RA's. There's no way for them to be with each other. I would encourage some charge left over from last year fourth year out of high school help to was never late to classes, 1 had found included in the random, fun things our school, being made up of Christ anyways? build a stronger Bruins community! ways to connect myself, and I always that happen here all the rime. followers, to defy those stereotypes Ant)ther good reason to staying on A student should take advantage of had a quiet place to sleep at night. This system works for the people and talk to someone new evcrvdav. this and the living arrangement set campus is the cost of gas. Walking to Unfortunately, many of the who like to keep to themselves. Vou never know the type of people class is always cheaper than driving, up for him or her on campus. Not commuters have not been accepted It worked for mc because I enjoy you're missing out on, and vou never even if you are only driving a couple only will you be saving yourself into this community we're nationally eight hours of sleep every night, know what those people have to offer. of miles. Thinking you'll ride your time (searching for an apartment, recognized known for. They feel as and being done with school and Our school is made up of the most bike or longboard to school? Think driving back and forth) and money though on the first week of school, school things by 3 o'clock every day. diverse, talented young adults from again once the Oregon weather hits (furnishing that apartment?) but people made an effort to talk to them I'm pretty extroverted, so I had no all around the world who all have one- a cozy 33 degrees. It's just easier to you'll also give yourself another year and step out of their comfort zone, problem connecting with the people thing in common: an intense desire walk than it is to drive (or ride). to make memories with some of the but as the year continued, people I attended classes with, and often to deepen their relationship with God Here's another great thing: The food wonderful people right under your started to settle into their own cliques had opportunities to be apart of the and honor Him with their lives. Our nose here on campus. is provided. Wanting a meal that's and stopped extending the hospitality. random occurrences. Talking with community is strong, bur it needs to cooked and ready to go? What about Many of these students have their one of my commuter friends this include everyone. a variety of choices with every meal? own "commuter activities" being week, she feels completely opposite. April 22, 2009 4 I FA I T H Professor of Philosophy Mark With students away, Mcleod-Harrison to publish third book professors will play „ld son over the summer. Weaver >s B y C R Y S TA L S T U V L A N D "What we believe is that truth is what humans think, humans actually By VANESSA WILKINS n composer as well as a profcs.sor and Reporter an absolute concept," says Mcleod- contribute something also. Sports/Feacure Editor this summer he will be attending the Marrison. "But what I argue in Mcleod-Harrison elucidates, "1 George I'ox University's At the end of every seliool year t h e b o o k i s t h a t t r u t h i s a r e l a t i v e am trying to develop a moderate premier of his new piece "Cheha em professor of philosophy, Mark (ieorge Fox Uiiivcr.sity Ijccomes Sketches" commissioned by the Alder Mcleod-Marrison, is coining our with concept." postmodernism that keeps traditional a quiet place. Street Players in In "Make/Believing the orthodoxy but admits that human a new book this fall, entitled "Make/ S t u d e n t s h a v e Unlike students who Portland, Ore. Mis Believing the Wor!d(s): Toward a World(s)," Mcleod-Harrison argues beings substantially contribute to the musical endeavors that while most people s a v t h a t graduated or gone Christian Ontological Pluralism." things that are in the world." I i o m e f o r t h e often return to minimum will not end there absolute truth is independent of R e l a t i v i s t s s a v t h a t t r u t h i s Mcleod-Marrison has taught at summer. Unlike wage jobs for the as he will continue GI'U for ten years. His specialties dependent on the conceptual scheme students who often c m p o s i n g are apologetics and the convergence of the person uttering it and since summer, professors there arc conflicting schemes, there return to minimum background music church movement and he is "What I am trying to do is for relaxation tapes are conflicting truths. But Mcleod- wage Jobs for the tend to do more exciting currently teaching introduction to show that God is necessary Harrison puts a new twist on this summer, professors he and his wife arc philosophy, philosophy of religion, tend CO do more things when the class for everything that exists theory. producing. His wife ethics, and christian foundations. exciting things rooms arc empty for will also be opening I le has published two other books, "Some truths arc in all conceptual but some things arc also when the class her own coun.scling schemes," says Mcleod-Harrison, three months. "Rationality and Belief in God" r o o m s a r c e m p t y and "Repairing F.den: Humility, dependent on humans." who thinks that God is one of these practice in Ncwberg for three months. and they will be -Mark Mcleod-Harrison truths. Mysticism, and the F.xistential Lisa McMinn Problem of Religious Diversity." Basically, Mcleod-Harrison is looking forward to letting her preparing for that. Mcleod-Marrison is married to argues that for relativism to be true, Traveling is the way Clclla Jaffe three things are necessary: a realist "wannabe farmer side explode will begin her summer with a Juniors Susan, who has also published a book, with happiness" this summer with "Saving Women from the Church- theory of truth, a rich notion of Abroad trip to Central America. How Jesus Mends a Divide," and possibility/necessity, and God. beekeeping and gardening. Her and Trips abroad arc a yearly tradition "What I am trying to do is show husband, Mark, will plant a large for jaffe and she has been to Europe, together they parent their two enough garden to create an extended sons, nineteen-year-old Ian and that God is necessary for everything China, and soon Central America that exists but some things arc also family community garden. I he group on educational trips. After returning three-year-old Micah. will meet once a week for a joint M c l e o d - H a r r i s o n ' s dependent on humans," explains and "recovering from jet lag" Jaffe's Mcleod-Harrison. "I think that meal and work together to care and soon-to-be-publishcd summer is dictated by her many scientific reality is almost harvest the garden. When McMinn is book is primarily not using her green thumb outdoors, writing projects. Jaffe is the author of geared toward other entirely made up by humans, the book "Public Speaking: Concepts but morality is not and God she will be working on her net book philosophers and '• and Skills for a Diverse Society" as a result is very is not. However, humans project "Walking Gently" and and in past summers has devoted contribute to the nature of catching up on reading. She will take technical, but he a vacation in the summer to Lnglancl a c o n s i d e r a b l e a m o u n t o f t i m e t o tries to explain it God." Phoio by CRYSTAL STUVLAND and walk around the beautiful revising it. If she is not consumed in simpler terms. professor Mark with that she is still working hard Mcleod-Harrison speaking about his country side with a close friend. new book. McMinn is not the only one on other scholarly projects. Whether who will be roiling away that is preparing for a presentation, in a garden. Brent Weaver working on the next year s syllabi. will also be caring for hi.s garden as well as his 2 year See PROFESSORS [ page 8 Chaplain's corner has been to foster ctimmunitv on this B y M A T H O L L E N Student Chaplain campus through spiritual life events. We've geared Shalom in such a wav When 1 sat down to as to create space both for worship of write this little column I God and interacting with His image really wasn't sure what was in our neighbor. And this is where to be said. It's the end of the challenge comes in. Chaplains' the semester, the end of Committee can onlv do so much. The the year, my last Chaplain's task falls on vou all now. Corner, so what do I sav? What advice or ramblings We pay a whole lot of moncv to attend this school and one of the should I send out to the real reasons I think it is worth it is student body? because of the communitv Fox offers. First things first; 1 hope And quite honestly, that community you've all had a wonderful could be a lot better. year. I hope it has been full of challenges that have My challenge is that you plan time in your schedule to invest in stretched you further than you've wanted people. With Shalom, stay a while to be stretched afterward. Come to the and come out all-campus retreat. more like the 1 think the retreat individual God should bo so well h a s c r e a t e d a t t e n d e d w c h a v e to start looking at you to be on the other n e w c a m p s t o g o side. I hope to. I think that this you've made challenge should friendships start small in your that never end, life and just naturally that you've get bigger. Look one listened to a n o t h e r i n t h e e v e s people's stories as you walk by on a and looked for path, li's amazing the image of Ciod that can how often people avoid be found in each and every making eye contact with me. We need one of us. to be more intentional about it. IT'S WORTH THE TRIP. 1 want to thank so m. Another thing; when someone of you for your devotionany . asks you about your dav, tell that Spend a few minutes selling back your books at the buyback counter. hhalom. and Greenroomto person if you aren't good. Honcstv and everything that has wor-s wonders for communitv! I You'll provide used books for students next term. And you'll been put on by Chaplains' thmk this school could be something put some welcome cash in your pocket. Committee this year. It has even more special than it is. We have meant so much to each one a faculty who really cares about us, of the chaplains and I know an administration that reallv has you have been a blessing to "tir est interests in mind, a campus us all. pastor who absolutciv loves us. We Cost of New Textbook $100 Bruin Bookstore 1 hope you feel like we .hould all count ourselves lucky for - Buyback Price $50 have served you well this year; we have all tried hard thi- ■ But "if wc^ place can't settleas amazing fiir what wcas to meet you all where vou Book Buyback romakc True Cost of Book $50 need and want to be mJt 1 ' OX better. April 29 - May 1 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. hope you see that whether or not we succeeded, we to ro be able really did try. at Student Chaplain Let your professors know tfiat re-adopting textbooks will help you save money.' Now, I have a challenge ThankIhank you ^ "'"'"ondcrful all for allowing universirv. me this The bookstore can pay you more of the textbook's value if they know before buyback that a book will be re-used. for you. My goal thi^ ^^P-ncnce. and for everything else. SPORTS I 5 April 22, 2009 High hopes for the 2009 track and field season Cohon Blizzard (Fr.) in the javelin B y TAY L O R K A N E N team, including Abby Reed (Fr.), Reporter Olivia Clark (It.), Bethany Strutz have had opportunities to show what With (Ivc All-Northwest (Jr.), and Mary X'anSieenbcrghc (Sr.). thev can do. Cionfcrcncc pcrfonnLTs on each Sophia De (iraff (So.) is a distance Garrett Blizzard (Sr.), (iohon's si|uati ami a return tf) health of the runner who joined the squad from i>lder brother, returned after winning 2007 N(JAA ];)ivision 111 men's the Bruin soccer team. three All-NWf] honors in the 400 javelin champion, the Cleorge I'ox The Bruins' primary throwers arc (1st) and 4x100 and 4x400 relays (2nd University Hriiins entered their returnees iMarlee Zukrevsky (So.) and in both). John Zaganiacz (Jr.). who third season under head coach john Molly Schaefer (Jr.) and newcomer was All-N\V(^ in the 4x100 (2nd) vSinith with high hopes of continued Hana Fisher (F'r.). provides sprint speed and hurdle improvemeiit on both the conference C^jnnie (Steiner) Evjen (Sr.) who experience. and natH)nal scenes. married ex-Bruin baseball pitcher Adding to the strength of the "I atn excited with the group we Logan Evjen, "gives us much-needed team in the sprints arc returnees Bret have this year," says Smith, who was skills," says Smith. "I really like the Mamilton (Jr.), Adam Marrington an All-Amcrican in the decathlon for mentality that Connie brings to the (So.), and Jack Hartmann (Jr.), and the Bruins in the 1990'$. "The large vault, and she is really just within newcomers Brent Crocker (Fr.) and group of returning conference scorers reach of making some significant Casey Taylor (Fr.). and national t|ualifiers really sets us improvements in her jumps." Reneca Dakari Kongela (Jr.), I competed up for a great season. We know that Bauer (Jr.) gives the Bruins another in both sprints and jumps. Others with everyone contributing across the experienced vaulter. who help in both sprints and jumps Dillow may be gone, but the are Joe Ahn (Sr.), who joined the team board, we will have a good chance at Photo by ADAM HALDORSON improving our finishes at both the Bruins will not be without their when basketball season ended, and conference and national level. We Lizzy Alaimo partipating In the high jump event. decathletcs as they aim to improve rookie Jeff Hunt (Fr.). Smith expects had opportunities last year to make upon their fifth-placc finish in Sam McKenzie (Sr.) to produce some while the women saw 16 leave with 18 )ump. a big statement at the conference last year's Northwest Conference outstanding jump results. coming back. O t h e r r e t u r n e e s w h o a r e a l s o and national meets, but they didn't Championships. Four Bruins - Ryan Jordan Ware (Jr.), an All-NWC materialize like we had envisioned. George Fox finished second helping with the sprints arc Anja Forbes (Sr.), David Dillow and Nate to Willamette University's Harder (Jr.), Jessica Morrison (Sr.), performer in the 800 (2nd) leads We'll take those experiences, though, Dillow (So.), Ben's younger brothers, a deep group of middle and long seventh straight title in the NWC and Melissa Lcighcy (So.), the latter and learn from them, and hopefully and Adam Haldorson (Sr.) - all distance runners, most of whom also come out ahead this year." Championships last spring primarily also a talented hurdler. on the strength of its sprinters and Newcomers contributing in the compete in the ten-event medley this competed for the Bruin cross country U.S. Track and Field and Cro.ss season. team. Other mid-distance runners for jumpers, and 2009 should see that sprints are Rachel Meis (Fr.) and Country Coeaches Association Ail- trend continue. Sprinters Lisa Samantha Navarre (Fr.), who will Joel Krebs (Sr.) became the the Bruins include Paul Rapet (Jr.), American and West Region Athlete second George Fox javelin champion Ryan Lane (Fr.), and Jacob Cuniff Mcnsonides, a senior, who helped also participate in the jumps. In the of the Year Ben Dillow, a decathlete, in 2007 after Matt Gassaway had the Bruins to second in the 4x400, hurdles, the Bruins will also rely on (Fr.). has graduated, and the Bruin men lost won the event in 2004, but could not and Cindy Walsh (Jr.) Jessica Brassard returnees Lizzy Alaimo (So.) and Handling the longest distance two other All-NWC performers in e v e n t s f o r t h e B r u i n s w i l l b e C a m (Sr.) and Mollie Honan (Sr.) who Irene Johnson (So.).Also expected to repeat last spring after returning to hurdler Ryan MacKenzie and sprinter the nationals. Eberhart (Jr.), .Allen Cassel (Fr.), Brad lifted the Bruins to third in the 4x100 Chris Fritz. The George Fox women compete for the Bruins this spring Ben Burgess (Sr.) gives the Bruins in the NWC meet, all return. Honan in the heptathlon are Beth Stam (Fr.) Higgins (So.), Ryan Erickson (Jr.), lost four athletes who combined for and Wesley Bollinger (Fr.). took third in the 400 hurdles, while and Greta Erickson (So.), the latter strength in all three weight throws. seven All-NWC honors, including also a jumper. The Bruins also look for good efforts 800 record holder Rachel Giffey- Emily Hodgin (Sr.) took third in the in the throws from returnee David triple jump. Walsh and Brassard were Most of the Bruins' distance Brohaugh. The men lost 1.3 letter second and third in the NWC long runners come from the cross country Alarvin (Sr.). Newcomers Isaiah winners in all with 17 returning, Haywood (Fr.) in all the throws and

George Fox and Newberg community recognize day of celebration

and their Local restaurant, for this year's basketball season gratitude with Although the journey Lil' Coopcrstown the excitement from the NCAA their supporters. is over for this year's hosted the team after Championship lingers at George Fox A BBQ was baskeball season, the the awards ceremony Univeristy. The Women's Basketball served on the at an after party team represented the school well and e x c i t e m e n t f r o m t h e quad for dinner w h e r e f a n s c o u l d played their best. Their hard work and with ideal NCAA Championship take pictures with and determination against the odds w e a t h e r t h e t h e t e a m a s w e l l a s of having such a young team, has school gathered to lingers at George Fox get autographs. The served them well this season. share a good time University. ream presented the Naturally the George Fox and the victory of restaurant with a community looks forward to seeing their team. Many team jersey to add to what the women's basketball team m e m b e r s o f t h e the wall. has in store these next few years. GFU community turned out in the Although the journey is over nice weather to cat and enjoy the victory of the ■ ' iff * team. That evening a fire truck arrived on campus to escort the team on Photo by MEGAN McFARLAND Women's basketball players Keisha Gordon. Lindsey Keener, B.B. Gardner, a short parade through and Laura Silva, enjoy the celebratory barbecue. campus and downtown. At the end of the parade B y VA N E S S A W I L K I N S great acomplishments with their which led down 99west Sports/Feature Editor peers. all the to the Newberg Celebrations continue with the The chapel was attended bv Public Safety Building viciorv of the women's basketball guests from the Newberg community where the Newberg City team at (lie NCAA championship. as well as the students. President council awarded each On Monday, April 2()th, chapel time Baker, Coach Scott Ruekk, and the player and their coaches was devoted to a rally for the players players of the team took this time to with honorary Newberg and formally acknowledging their share the honor of the championshop citizenship. Graduate Programs

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Photo by MEGAN McFARLAND The campus gathers together on the quad Monday, May 20 for the barbecue. April 22, 2009 6 1 F E AT U R E

Joey Bianco: President Jessica Garcia: Vice President 1 am from Kent, Washington. I love dogs and am , am junior and a Christian Mimstrtes currently hooked on the movie Marley & Me and am not (emphasis in vouth) major. I was born afraid to admit I cry every time 1 watch that awesome movie. Lised in Washington, and now bvc m ' ^ I'ickled artichoke and l)aby corns freak me out and 1 prefer (Oregon. Next year I w.ll be scrvmg you as Mce them to never come near me again. My favorite hook in the Pre^dent. with Joey Bianco (Prcstdent} One Bible is r.cclesiastes because very challenging and thought of our goals for next year is to enhance your provoking i|uestions are asked with intense reflection. My experience here a. Pox, by goal for ne.\t year is to continue to be open and accessible to make Cieorge Pox a ^ to students and to make greater attempts to drawing student community. What 1 am most looking forward to feedback and concerns. 1 am most looking forward to Tmy posiiion next year ts having the opponunuy working with and getting to know this awesome bunch of to be a listening ear, and an encouragement to all individuals. And I'm not just saying that because 1 know you of the student body. ' will read this, but sincerely mean it.

By JENNY BRU1NIER Dana Bowers: Supreme Court Reporter Chief Justice Introdunin^ thfi I'm a freshmen social work major from ASC elections were held in the Bauman auditorium on March 9 at 5 p.m.. The elected representatives arc all Marrisburg, Oregon. I like to color during Associated class, sing in the shower, and laugh about pleased to have been offered their position and gladly funny events that happened in days past. accepted. The students chosen were: joey Bianco; This past year has warped my goal for [cssica Garcia; I^lizabcrh Williamson; Dana Bowers; Student Sara Fcclcston; Sarah Cadd; Rob Leslie; Annie Smith; college into not only graduating, but to 4 meet and form relationships with all sorts and Andrew Watson. Here is a chance to get to know of new people. Being apart of ASC next more about this next year's representatives. Rob Leslie: ^ year will do that on a much broader basis Community Communications Director than 1 could have ever imagined, and I'm I am again holding the title of excited to serve George Fox's community. communications director, and am I'm so excited to sec what's going to 2009-'2010 very pleased to do so. My hometown happen in the future, but am enjoying the is Sandy, OR. Currently I'm a junior, road I'm taking to get there. and will be a senior during term of Annie Smith: Public Relations Director office. My major is Organizational Communication, so having this major I am thrilled to be your new Public Relations helps me with my position. My goal for Director. I am from Southern California and next year is to get more feedback from will be a junior next year majoring in Business students about L'Ami, KFOX, and The Management. This is the third year the ASC has Crescent. I am most looking forward to offered this position. My goal is to effectively getting to know the 2009-2010 Central engage students by informing them of how they Committee and to working with next can be involved through campus activities and events. I am looking forward to getting to know year's Communications committees to find new wavs to improve. my fellow ASC committee members and being able to serve the student body. Thank you to those who voted and supported. Elizabeth Wiiliams: Treasurer I'm from Lake Oswego, OR and just transferred in this year from Portland CC as a Junior Accounting Sarah Cadd: Activities Director major. In my position as Treasurer, 1 am really I'm from Forest Grove, Oregon. I looking forward to being part of the decisions that have been elected to be your ASC Activities actually affect the student body, whether they arc Director for next year and am a freshman and finance related or not. A goal I have for next year an Elementary Education major this vcar. My is to personally grow and stretch in character, as main goal for next year is to make sure all events well as cultivate creative ideas for campus that will are the best they can be and to make sure we benefit students for years to come. Through this I have good attendance at each! One thing I'm hope to display an honest heart of someone who desires to serve in a practical wa)'. really looking forward to is working as a team with the other Central Committee members and having the opportunity to serve the amazing Sara Eccelston: Christian Services coininunitv here at Fox. I am a 20 year old sophomore, who came from Everret, Washington. Mv majors arc sociology and political science with a minor in peace studies. I am currently Andrew Watson: Chaplain the RA of Macy 2. My goal for Christian services is that we (the committee and all else involved) would have a heart of deep love for Christ and from knowing him be 1 love to paint, read poetry, do/watch theater, go to the movies, and hearing drawn to loving and intentionally reaching out to all. Why I love Christian service: stories! So I guess that is why I like all those other things, because thcv all tell because Christian Services is about providing opportunities and avenues for all of stories about who wc are as humans and help us locate ourselves in a larger us to step beyond our immediate world, become a little less self-focused, and be narrative of God's work in the lives of His/Hcr creations. I am excited involved with and concerned for others. May Christ's love in us be a well-spring of continue to discover God's story in my life and in Fox's. Peace and grace. life and blessing for all whom we encounter.

NIC H1E3 YOUR BOOK^ SEU. IHEM TO IHE BRUIH BOOKSTORE

oraiiii 3*© April 22, 2009 A R T S & C U L T U R E I 7 PoGtry contGst winnors Submitted poems were read and judged bv City of Roses summer events By KELSEY HOFF event brings in about 350,000 people Lake Front Grill, Hot Lips Pizza, Crescent staff and out of many submissions only Reporter during two week show and there arc Buffalo Wild Wings, Boyds Coffee, two winners were cfiosen. The winners will recieve If you haven't discovered all nearly 20,000 different varieties of that The City of Roses has to offer, plants and flowers set up to create an Chapters gift cards. Thank you for aii who submMed then you're missing out on a lot of artistic display for passersby. If you'd poetry; it was a very difficult choice! Portland fun. Summer is the best like to enjoy the opening of summer time to be out and about downtown, with a little flower fun, stop by enjoying an outdoor cafe or the during the beginning of the event to W a t e r M a n waterfront, or even one of the many catch the plants while they're fresh. Mark Kclluy summer-time festivals brought to you If you're looking to buy, a sale of by the beautiful city of Portland. new plants will begin later on in the O* ancient sage with the sad wrinkle face. month. Dressed head and toe with worn red cloak; CiNco DE Mayo Fiesta .Moonstruck Chocolate Co, and many walking upon the warm cobblestone May 1- 5 F l i c k s o n t h e B r i c k s other local hallmarks of Oregon. old shoes infested with holes, At The Waterfront July 10-August 14 All the food and drinks arc local, covered with bass trinkets and holding a skin of goat Tickets are S8 at the gate Pioneer Square including root beer from Thomas full of smoothing liquid for the throat. What to know; FREE Kemper and an entire wine garden Offering this cool refreshment to those Cinco de Mayo is an event that What to know: for your folks to sample wines from walking pasg but onlt'smiles, nods, and a camera flash you receive Pcjrtland has been putting on for 25 Grab a cushion and blanket Newbcrg's own backyard as well as How cruel ihe ways o(your trade as you wander from place ro place years and is the largest multi-cultural and head out to the quarc by dusk. the microbrews that make Portland earning enough to buy a loaf of bread, a wedge of cheese^ festival in Oregon. It's a wonderful Portland is once again hosting an increasingly famous. Your sad weary eyes hidden by the funny hat on your head. tradition that allows Portlandcrs to array of movies that can be sec on a While eating and learning more mingle with the culture, arts, cuisine, giant projector in the quarc for free. about what Oregon has to offer in the music, and folklore of Mexico. T h i s s u m m e r ' s m o v i e s i n c l u d e : way of food, 3'ou can stop by the Iron July 10 'Indiana Jones and the Chef competitions that pit some of Last Crusade' Oregon's top chefs against each other Untitled July 24 "Dirty Dancing" in a display of culinary art. Luke Weldon August 7 "Jurassic Park" A full carnival and live music is August 14 "Anchorman" just another layer of fun on top of it A rope binds me to the earth, and Be sure to bring a blanket and a all. Come by in the evening to listen I am left to gaze longingly skyward. jacket as it can get a bit chilly. to an artist you may have heard of My hair has grown long as I wait, so I view the sun behind (Snow Patrol and Anna Nalick player black slats, like jail cell bars, Tillamook Cheese 100th during the past Bites of Oregon). imprisoned within this purgatory of empty noise and television static. Anniversary Celebration July 31 Portland is full of events that My ankle is burnt from vain attempts of liberation. Pioneer Square wnll have you loving your state even FREE more. Concerned about the price of Oh, to cut the tether with one mighty blow, or to strain against it What to know: gas? Both Pioneer Square and the till it unravels and I'm set adrift Come out to celebrate Oregon's Waterfront are conveniently placed like a flag furiously rippling, caught in a wondrous current! You can expect tons of delicious own Tillamook Cheese with cheese right on top of the Max lines and ! mock the rope and spit on the earth as Mexican food, music, artisans and pairings, samples, and ice cream within Fare-less Square (which means my arms and legs unfurl jewelers from Guadalajara, as well as cones for just one penny! You can you can park at Lloyd Center and ride and 1 ascend a full carnival complete with rides even have your picture taken with the Max downtown for free). Just violently and games - ail in Portland's beloved Ti l l i c t h e C o w. look for the Red and Blue lines that and gloriously towards Heaven! Waterfront Park. The Bite of Oregon will take you into and out of the heart Festival of Flowers August 7-9 of Portland. But, June 1-20 The Waterfront If j'ou'd like 10 learn about other (display: June 5-16, sale: junc 17-20) S7 at the gate great Portland events, including the I embrace my rope, draw the curtains and At Pioneer Square What to know: Mayor's Tailgate Party 2009 and the lie in bed with the covers over mv head FREE One of my absolute favorite 4th of July Firework displaj-, surf and grow so small I disappear, or What to know: celebrations and a true Oregonian the City of Portland's website for sink into the ground, never to be seen or heard from again. June is the beginning of experience. The Bite of Oregon more information at htcp://w-w\v. Portland's beloved Flower Festival, a proudly displays the food and wares traveIportIand.com/event_calcndar/ (1 can't sleep without the noise.) chance for'earth-friendly Oregonians of all its finest local restaurants CO show off their green thumb. This including Greek Cusina, Havden's

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Deadlines for Fall enrollment; MS in Marital and Family Therapy, June 1; MA Programs, August 21 April 22, 2009 8 I THE CRESCENT PROFESSORS: Still invoived in post-season teams to their various their fields during the summer championships as well. Gncc his official work at George Fox is done The Unlikely Disciple insightful Continued from page 4 he and the rest of the athletic trainers B y M E L A N I E M O C K own. or simply doing research for general provide coverage for the Saint I^iul Professor Roosc enters J.iberty Rodeo, which is the largest rodeo in with set stereotypes al)Oul knowledge of her discipline. Ii is not the US, and rhcy cover practices for 111 2007, Kevin Roosc—then always work for |affee, however. She a college sophomore—decided religious conservatives, the Lcs Schwab All-star Football has a cabin on the north fork of iht-" Ciame at the Civie Stadium. When nil interculiurnl experience would and discovers, thrt)ugh Santiam River and when she is not enrich his education from Brown meaningful interaction, he is not working with athletes he is entertaining guests there she can University, a school widely known for that the uber-religious most likely be found with a book by caring for his parents who are 96 and its unconventional curriculum. But aren't always what they the river "watching the sun reflect on 93 years old. They have been married rather than travel overseas, Roosc seem, that they are more for'73 and a half years and Shenk and the water." his wife provide daily care for them. chose to explore a culture much closer complex, friendly, earnest, While some professors start their and likeable than Roose to home, enrolling for a semester at summer as the students leave there He has children in C:alif. T i . - f w m m t . , r of insight, and an entertaining read ■ IMMa a Jut ATM. vt > Xcu tte tU irattMk'i Mu. O c O H t-T «t IW »«• ntilttu k ma well -aeVr ritK it. ■ I I b j would be decidedly different than our part of conservative Christian culture. as well. OCTOBER 19,1920

PAST: The Crescent record GFU Psy.D. programs in the U.S. (Biola throughout the ages and Fuller Seminary) and could cause Continued from page I the college to change its name to George Fox University. One George ^ 203 Villa Road, Newbcrg, ORivhgl (503) 538-1300 F o x a d m i n i s t r a t o r s a w t h e n a m e Q u a k e r s B e c o m e B r u i n change as a real possibility in three H i s t o r i c B e a r N o w to four years since the school would want to be attractive to prospective COFFEE Mascot November 20,1970 graduate students. Colleges arc ratelv as prestigious to do graduate work in ESPRESSO George Fox College will no as are universities. longer be represented by the fox. Tea Pastries Instead, a bear, originally known as Bell tower and Smoothies Breakfast Sandwiches Bruin will be the school's mascot. — (tallan iidiioii Sodas ouudd Panini raiiitii Sandwiches odiiuwit-iica — doctorate program ^ M i l k s h a k e s & M o r e l ^ Milkshakes 8 c M o r e l 6 8 S e n i o r s G r a d u a t e coming to George Fox February 26,1990 Fwee Wi-Fi f r o m G F C The George Fox Board of June 6, 1972 Trustees, during their Feb. 9th SV0HG m V/ITH THIS COUPON FOR Robert H. Schullcr, pastor of meeting, approved plans for changes the world-famous Garden Grove in the campus' architectural and (Calif.) Community walk-in, drive-in academic landscape. church, a church which now has an After receiving a positive faculty $1.00 OFF average Sunday morning attendance recommendation the Board has of 8,000, was speaker as 68 George given the go-ahead for plans to take O F A M E D I U M O R L A R G E C O F F E E D R I N K Fox College seniors graduated here over Western Conservative Baptist Expires May 22. 2009 (gfu) Sunday (June 4), Seminary's Masters and Doctorate in Psychology program. GFC will George Fox University? take over the five-year program and February 9, 1990 receive its teachers, students, and Faculty and Board vote this related materials. Details and dates weekend on possible doctoral arc still being worked out for the program that could lead college to transfer. 1 he addition of graduate COFFEE OJt change name studies does not mean George Fox ®AONf you* Western Conservative Baptist would have to become a university. Seminary has offered its Masters I he Board alst> approved the fH and Doctorate in Psychologv building of a bell tower on campus program to George l-ox CLillcge. A to celebrate the college's centennial. faculty recommendation vote today 1 he donor has expressed interest (Feb 9) and a George Fox Board of in donated for the project. During COHE CtUBRATE OCIR FIR&T VEIvRf Trustees vote tomorrow will decide last year's open forum meeting, Sam of the college will take the leap into Farmer, CjFI.'s \'ice President for graduate work. Development, said the tower could Organic and fair trade local gourmet coffee and espresso The move would make George be 5(I-6U feet high. Plans are being Our popular build-your-own sandwiches Fox one of only three Christian finalized. Homemade pastries and fresh bagels Free wi-fi

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Page 3 THE FLAKY PASTRY OF THE STUDENTS SINCE 2009 Crmsisiant Page 2 Volume CXXV Issue 11 G E O R G E F O X U N I V E R S I T Y georgefox.edu/crescent

Freshman Forkless Friday divides student body Fox puts accidentally ban on inebriated from Foxhole drink winking By KELSEY HOFF B y C R Y S TA L S T U V L A N D Reporter Reporter George Fox University is cracking All unsuspecting freshman down on lewd sexual advances with stumbled upon one of the biggest a warning to all students: keep your scandals in George Fox history on winking to yourself! Thursday when she accidentally Fox is the first of many Christian got plastered from a "strawberry colleges to protect its students against smoothie" she purchased at the sexual harassment by banning any Foxhole. and all sexual advances between Witnesses say that when genders. The first inappropriate ordering her drink, freshman Fox gesture to go is winking. student Hannah Wilder (name "Its unnerving to have a guy has been changed due to lifcstylc wink at me from across a classroom," a sophomore who wished to remain agreement) exclaimed "Ooh-de- la-lce!" which apparently was the anonymous said. "I don't know where secret password students use when he thinks he'll get with something requesting alcohol, not smoothies. like that." The young man working at the Phoco by imgs.sfgace.com. enhanced by KRISTIN GNILE Recent polls among college age Foxhole gave her a sly wink and Students r^lly with enlarged cutlery on April 22 against Forkless Friday. students showed that winking and other seemingly "harmless" gestures, spent a suspicious amount of time in the "storage closet" before coming By MARK BEESON revolution. and several student employees were acts most commonly associated out with dust on his clothes and a Guest Reporter An anonymous Bon Apetit raised concerns about the disabled with NCMOs (Non Committal students on campus. However, Make Out), which Fox believes can strawberry daiquiri in his hand. Students and environmentalists employee released this statement The unassuming Wilder did lead students into the grasp of other everywhere take notice. Forkless Monday, "We wanted to make a Trayless Tuesday has been met with not notice anything different about difference, we wanted to save the temptations. Fridays arc coming your way. In overwhelmingly positive responses. the drink at first, since she was water that we used to clean dishes. The comment cards available to "It's better to simply eliminate response to the overwhelming the problem at the toot," one distracted by the winking barista success of "Traylcss Tuesdays," which Many proposals were thrown on the all students continue to overflow and suspected he was interested saves 5,000 gallons of water each table, these ranged from collecting with encouragement, often citing professor commented. rainwater on the roof of Klagcs the rush the students felt when they George Fox University intends in her. However, she soon began Tuesday, the folks at the premiere discovered that both of their hands to do just that. Winking Vvas been to notice an odd taste and peculiar catering service, Bon Apetit, are Dining Hall, to instituting a lick'cm burn in her stomach. clean policy. were good for something." added to a list of se.xual harassment issuing another positive message acts that are punishable under the "I wasn't sure if he had made for the environment. What began "After much deliberation we "In response to the outpourings decided to do a test run on Trayless of joy at their leaders taking the my smoothie right, but I didn't want as a student movement to be more Lifestyle Agreement's statement chat the Fox lifestyle "excludes immoral to hurt his feelings so I just drank responsible to mother earth has Tuesdays. Initially the staff was worried about student backlash, practices." Communitj' service, it anyway," explained Wilder, "I expanded into a full-blown cafeteria See FORKS I page 3 started to feel heavy and everything suspension, and even expulsion are was too warm. I wanted to go sit possible actions that can be taken by with my friends on the couch but the school in extreme cases. "If I were to see a student making things were spinning out of control. 1 didn't make it." ASC to send three students to the moon s u c h a d v a n c e s f r o m a c r o s s t h e r o o m Witnesses say that Wilder in my classroom, I would have to give them a warning," another professor staggered halfway across the room before collapsing in a tangle of B y K R I S T I N G N I L E Mary Howie, ASC Prize Package our events," said Howie. And there said. "But after that, the school has Editor-in-Chief limbs. But before anyorie had a Coordinator. "A large part of the were plenty of prizes. 30 flat screen full jurisdiction." ASC budget comes directly from televisions were given away along Other gestures on the list include chance to realize that she was Last Tuesday, ASC awarded three hammered drunk, five Foxhole students' tuition money. We wanted with 50 projectors, 100 IPods, and cat-calling (even to friends), hugging George Fox students a 21 day space to show students that their money is 300 pairs of True Religion jeans. A for longer than five seconds, and employees raced out, scooped her cruise. The S300 million dollar prize up, and carried her swiftly into the going to good use." s t a r w a s n a m e d a f t e r e a c h s t u d e n t blowing kisses. package will allow the students to The prize was awarded at the that attended this free event. The ban may have some students "storage closet." spend 16 days at the International Once there. Wilder remembers Lunar Game Night, an ASC event, "This is such a great opportunity upset, but others arc grateful for the Space Station and take a five day side where students participate in space for me," said grand prize winner actions Fox is taking against PD.A. being rocked to sleep by someone trip to the moon. thcmcd games and activities to win a Ronnie Clemens, an Iniergalaxy One student admitted a sense of softly singing "Safe in the Arms "The Disneyland trip was of Jesus" and offering her sips of plethora of prizes. Ministries major. Her senior thesis relief at not having to watch couples only a taste of what ASC can do "Prizes arc the only way we with the university's money," said consists of translating the New engage in such acts while in public. See FOXHOLE I page 3 can get students to participate in See MOON I page 2 "If they want to wink and make kissing faces at each other, they can do it in private, but it's just embarrassing for the test of us who Professor of Religious Studies may be too good for GFU, Earth have to stand around and watch it." When asked, 86% of female students said they thought this new with the entire room, b u t o t h e r s s e e m t o t h i n k s h e i s t h e By CRYSTAL STUVLAND ban would lead men to approach Reporter Messiah and should be worshipped breaking it into small pieces them on mote respectful grounds that seemed to multiply. as such, and 58% believed this would make Irons has inspired a "She is basically a modern John Kendra Weddic Irons, a much- finding the right mate and obtaining loved professor of religious studies, growing group of GFU the Baptist," said one follower. "She's a "ring before spring" easier for students and faculty, who will not continue her career at performed a few minor miracles them. One student even went so far call themselves "Ironists" but doesn't claim to be the Messiah. as to say that she hoped this would George Fox University much longer. a n d t h e i r r e l i g i o n Rumors circulating on campus And I'm pretty sure she's hinted at a make men think twice before treating "Ironism." These followers distant relative's divinity." a woman like a "piece of meat". suggest that she will be returning all agree on the divine to Texas for financial reasons, but "Well, Kendra has performed While Fox is the first of many her cult following insists that Irons nature of their leader baptisms in the pond in the Bruin Christian colleges to adapt the "no will be leaving Earth altogether, in a s w e l l a s h e r a l t r u i s t i c Den," said one unsure follower. "But winking" trend, many other schools accordance with the prophesies. mission. They have been I've never heard her say anything say they intend to follow the Fox known to follow her and about someone coming after her. And example and crack down on sexual Apparently, Irons has been sit at her feet for hours, harassment on their campuses in the hanging out with local gang she doesn't live in the wilderness, as well as bathing her in same way. members, prostitutes and homeless although 1 think she likes camping." "She's the Messiah!" A couple Only time will tell if Fox's latcsr people, giving them pedicures, expensive perfume on of adamant disciples cried. "God addition to the Lifestyle Agreement providing them with healthcare, and special occasions. told us in visions! And she's going is something to wink at. occasionally refilling water bottles However, they disagree with grape juice. She has caught on just how divine she to take over the oppressive George is, According to some copious amounts of minnows in Fox administration and establish Hess Crock and given them to her of her disciples. Irons is God's college before she ascends to followers, and once she even shared only making way for the the last of her Bruin Den tuna melt second coming of Christ, See IRONS I page 2

Photo illustration by KRISTIN GNILE April 22, 2m 2 1 C R O I S S A N T Moon: Space trip to have no Twilight perfection causes effect on class schedules womens' expectations to rise

By VANESSA WILKINS Reporter A recent survey conducted by ASC has many male studcnf.s at George Fox University concerned for their prospects of marriage. The survey asked 100 female students on campus if they plan on getting married while at GFU, 98% answered no, as opposed to the 88% who said yes last year, The number of relationships has gone down since the release of the movie "Twilight" in November 2008. 'i hc majority of female students say they arc waiting for their 'Tldward Photo by luinriel.files.wordpress.com Cullen" to sweep them off their feet. It appears that fictional twecn Edward Cullen sets the bar too high for George Fox men. vampire, Edward Cullen, has taken different story saying she "tripped but the place of Prince Charming in hoping the love of his life would notice his radiant sparkling skin. was not worried. My Edward would many girls' eyes. Howc%'er, he only developed a skin come save mc." She is now being Despite the fact that Cullen is rash from an allergic reaction to the treated for delusional endangerment actually 104 years old, he is dashing to herself. in a mystcrious-lack-of-personality glitter. Inevitably in the book, Cullen sort of way. His chiseled features It is not uncommon to see many s a v e s h i s t r u e l o v e f r o m d e a t h and Grecian physique were frozen in male students sulking and perpetually frowning just as Cullen docs in the multiple times. It would seem she time when he was only 17 years old. is the luckiest girl in the world even He is ideal for any woman since he book. He very rarely smiles and is will always be incredibly handsome always brooding. Many GFU men though she has the depth of a tide and he has the ability to fall in love have stopped spending lime in the pool. with a person like Bella Swan, who is sun as well because the level of Though most people stop believing in vampires and ghouls unbelievably average, clumsy, and as paleness is a factor in attractiveness, which is quite the contrast from at a much younger age, the general Photo by cache.daylife.com boring as himself. consensus of the female population The "Twilight" craze hit the the previous desire to be as tan as The three lucky GFU students in space travel training. on campus is that there is a handsome campus with full force leaving possible. female students yearning and male The gloom on campus has un-dcad lover out there waiting for Continued from page I Consumer Science major, was ecstatic students confused and desperate. reached a new height as female her to fall into his arms. The level about winning the grand prize. "It's of expectations arc far too high for One unfortunate romantic made an students are continually putting Testament into four languages better than anything in the world! themselves in dangerous situations, any mortal man and many fear they Better than a mango, even. I would attempt to measure up to Cullen by believed to be spoken by inhabitants hoping their true love will come will not recover from this vampire rather have a space cruise than a sparkling. Yes, sparkling. According of at least two planets. She plans to to the book vampires sparkle in the rescue them. One female student tragedy. Many are concerned that bring these translations with her, just million melons!" sun. By using roll-on glitter from spent a week in the hospital after she even if their girl gives up her quest in case. Clemens, Quinton, and the Dollar Tree, this student walked threw herself in the middle of traffic, for a vampire, will she love him for Clemens received the prize Marshwipe will blast off in the around shirtless for an entire dav according to witnesses. The girl has a what he is: a mere human being. after winning the Moon Pie eating Avenger, a NASA space shuttle, in competition. "I could have eaten early August. The students will be a million more of those nasty pics. expected to podcast their classes That's how bad I wanted this." during the first weeks of school Art major Fred Quinton won the from space and will not be excused Irons: Divinity Senior finally discovers space cruise grand prize after dancing from the Spiritual Formation in the moonwalk competition. He requirements. neither confirmed was less than enthusiastic. "Space "It is really inspirational," the clock tower is a fake just isn't for mc," said Quinton. "I remarks one student. "When I'm need oxygen. 1 just do. I don't think paying off my students loans over the nor denied: next 30 years working in the cheese I could breathe without it, you know? B y C R Y S T A L No more questions, please." Quinton factory, I'll be able to remember that only time will tell STUVLAND plans to auction off his prize on eBay. those students got to go to space." Reporter Trevor Robinson, a Familv and Continued from page I Senior Christian Mini.stries major.

Russell Finnegan was heaven!" horrified last Sunday George Fox subsidizes tuition This belief in Irons' ascension to when he finally realized heaven is also a common one among that the George Fox costs by exporting green grass her followers. Regardless of her clock tower is not only official divine title, most feel that notoriously inaccurate, she is too good for George Fox and but also void of actual B y T R AV I S E V E N D E N these locations have suffered in the bells. Croissant Intern probably even the rest of the world, past from global warming and have a and will, in fact, be carried away to "It used to be mv great need for luscious green grass. beacon of hope and One Arizona retiree has said heaven by God. Most likely she will After years of persistence and be clad in a sparkling white garment inspiration. 1 loved to thousands of gallons of water, George "Those kids don't need all that grass listen to the different Fox University has such a surplus anyways, I put 40 some odd vcars floating elegantly in the wind as she tunes as they sounded of green grass thai they have begun into the system and 1 deserve it." is raised into heaven accompanied forth the glorious When we spoke with a GFU exporting it during the summer to by angles, trumpets, and a heavenly music of the Lord," southern stares that are lacking. student about the exporting of green orchestra playing the "Charior.s of mumbled a dismayed According to a member of grass they stated "we have so much, Fire" theme song. I'm not sure anyone would even I'innegan. "But now ptani services who asked to not be This ascension to heaven will It's all meaningless. named on conditions of anonvmity notice." The money the school makes probably take place conveniently It was just a : Speaker ihc majority of GF'U's fields are from the grass will allow the school after the school year is over. In the whole time, to be able to give each student a S5 1 can't lifted and sent to several different the meantime. Irons can be found believe it." iTuncs gift card. retirement liomcs and golf courses in calming the turbulent waters of the 1" i n n e g a n Texas, Arizona and Alabama. Most of Willamette River, gliding peacefully discovered that the across it, or praying all night in the clock tower was a ^ussellp I, _Finnegan, Photo senior, by forgecex.best-of.wswrestles with recent real canyon accompanied by slcepine fraud while playing ization of historical landmark. followers. ultimate Frisbee cjii the She had nothing to add when o,, Sunday. A stn,y throw from mornings and can be seen muttering questioned and neither confirmed one of his roommates sent l-'ir. troubled prayers wliile walking along nor denied her divinity, which has crashing through the narrow gap'and the cany(,n in tattered clothes. mtu the middle of the tower. only served to make her followers I'innegan even claims to be more excited, as they have reccnily After regaining consciousness having visitms in which the devil taken kj lying in front of her as she resides in the clock tower until God walks so that her holy feet do not .sends angles to burn it down. One concussion, but when he did" slight touch the ground. was forever changed his life student reported seeing Finnegan if students plan on li.mcning to waihng and beat ing tlic clock her teach in these last few weeks tower late Monday night with a watch out: a growing number hopclcsslv. "1 fcul r '''""*=8"" distinguished torch after several of people consider her to be a attempts at lighting it on fitc. dangerous false prophet, or maybe l-orrunately, C,VV Security Services even the anti-Christ. Things could no hmger attends ^''nncganarc a keeping close a watchclose watch on on htm him get our of hand fast, so be sure to makes it to d " his access■ J n . t 1 . - - .to . flammable bring along a sword in case you need freonnr.! however -a materials, Photo by blogs.wnyc.org to slice off anyone's ear. trtquent visitor at th.- n i f Counseling^ Center^nter on e n campus most April 22, 2009 CROISSANT i 3 Eye scanners to replace Foxhole: connection outdated swipe cards to local 11auor store

Continued from page I comes from to protect one of Fox's best kept secrets. All of this was explained to the a drink that "smellcd like Mom's terrified Wilder, who realized now rubbing alcohol" while reassuring her it was just all just a "bad dream" that that she had fallen into the devil's would end very soon. snare and partaken of his drink. The owner of the liquor store thought Photo by www.nctc.gov "Later I woke up and everything that Wilder had known about the Al-Zawahirl was hazy and dark. It smelled like dirt and I couldn't fully stand, so I started alcohol but not about the tunnel. He therefore assumed that it was safe to feeling around and crawling toward the light, but 1 was still dizzy and fill her in and perhaps later hire her, Ed Higgins' He could not have been more wrong. disoriented," said Wilder. "I struggled toward the light for hours. 1 think I "I can't believe I got drunk. It fell asleep a couple times but I'm not was horrible. I don't even know if I'm poetry causes sure. When I woke up I was suffering a Christian anymore," said a worked- from a really bad headache and when up Wilder to Student Life. "You have t e r r o r i s t s t o I finally reached the end of the tunnel to stop this!" 1 was blinded by the fluorescent lights And they did. The runnel has Photo b/ img.dail^mall.co.uk of the Ncwberg liquor store." been filled in and the Foxhole staff New eye scan system will increase speed in the lunch line. fired. We can heave a collective sigh reconsider, Wilder had found herself at the end of a long tunnel stretching from of relief now that our campus is once B y A M A N D A K A T E order to leave chapel after entering the Foxhole to the local liquor store. again shut off from the intoxicating WINKELMAN evils of the world. you must have your eyes scanned apologize When she surfaced, Reporter again and have three minutes to scan t h e o w n e r o f t h e Due to the excessive lost and b a c k i n o r s t u d e n t s w i l l n o t r e c e i v e B y C R Y S TA L S T U V L A N D store explained that stolen identification cards on campus, chapel credit. Reporter she had just been Fox has decided on a new way to get Chapel directors believe this will A1 Qacda, the late Osama bin the first student into your building, keep track of your be great way for our community to to accidentally food plan, and receive chapel credits. Laden's famous terror organization get closer by experiencing the entirety is now officially nonviolent, thanks d i s c o v e r t h e The new method consists of of chapels. "It will be so great to see small laser beamed glass windows to the poetry of Quaker professor Ed bootlegging tunnel more people there when our guests since an incident instead of the swipe card. Students Higgins. speak, and not just for the worship Several pages of the George Fox during the early must walk up to the window, press portion," says a chapel leader. 1 9 7 0 s t h a t w a s the big blue button, and keep their writing/literature professor's poetry Well, to many this plan seems reached the Middle East in an empty never made public. eyes wide as the lasers scan them to very reasonable and beneficial; for wine bottle that was dramatically Apparently, confirm or deny identity. the George Fox University there are thrown into the Pacific Ocean the tunnel was dug "The change came about some who have great concerns for sometime in 2004 by a former GFU during Prohibition this change. recently when we realized how many by five students and identification cards we must reprint "If they scan my eyes they arc student who was disheartened with the world's injustices. a spoon and has due to damages and lost cards," savs taking a part of my soul. I am really Years later, the bottle was found served to smuggle an IT staff member. "There also have nervous that the devil is behind this," alcohol onto the dry been cards being stolen and used screndipitously bobbing in the says a student. "I don't want them George Fox campus in the Bon. We had to find a way to seeing what 1 am seeing all the time. peaceful waters of an ocean inlet and cave near Bushehr, Iran, which was e v e r s i n c e . F e w make this end." This is a ridiculous measure." occupied by the few remaining Al people have heard Not only have students been IT and others who are working of it, since only on the plan have confirmed that the Qacda leaders, including al-Zawahiri. having problems with their cards, Al-Zawahiri has publically Foxhole employees several scanners have broken down eye scanning will not take any of are allowed to over the years. Most recently one your soul, despite conspiracy theories apologized for the actions of of such events occurring. They will Al Qaeda and committed his participate in the of the entrances to Edwards living smuggling process. also not be able to sec what you are organization to humanitarian aid, all hall has been damaged, and cannot because of the influence of Higgins. S t u d e n t s w h o k n o w be used. The eye scanners are more seeing. He now wants to visit Oregon, hoping that alcohol is sold Photo by CRYSTAL STUVLAND durable. "It is extremely safe. It does not to meet the farmer poet whose verses at the Foxhole are Underground coffee shop in the SUB holds old ancient "Students will hopefully keep h a r m i n d i v i d u a l s o r t h e i r e v e s i n so dramatically impacted his life. not told where it and intoxicating secrets. their eyes all four years of their any way. It also can scan your eyes Unfortunately for him, he is still a college education. We are hoping through jour contacts and glasses," there will only have to be minimal very wanted man, and so will remain says director of Eye Read, the hidden somewhere in Pakistan eye replacement surgeries at Fox," corporation the school purchased the writing his own free verse poetry and President Robin Baker refuses says an IT assistant. s c a n n e r s f r o m . In addition, the eye scanners will The eye scanners arc going to be sending it off in bottles by the dozen, hoping to spread the loving message reduce the amount of chapel skipping. put in over the summer and they are of a simple, agrarian existence and to buy knee-length shorts Students can't scan their friends' expected to be in use by the end of faith in a peaceful God to everyone. eyes. What is now called "slide and August, right before fall semester. gliding" will also be reduced. In B y C R Y S TA L S T U V L A N D Certainly Baker's running ability Reporter is well known on campus. Still, many GFU students and facultv George Fox President, Robin members question his intentions. Baker, refuses to buy knee-length "I just don't know why he would Outbreak of plague leads to shorts, despite the change in men's show off his shapely thighs," said a fashion in the last twenty years. concerned junior, "It's bad enough Baker, an avid runner, has been known to use his passion for running trying to avoid staring at the man's sinewy caves and exquisitely toned often as c.xamplcs in chapel speeches quarantine infected students and everyday speech; however, he has quads, what am I supposed to do? I'm By LAURA GOTTHARDT authorities to come inspect the area. only human." Guest Reporter Because of the sudden and yet to publically address his decision When asked why he chooses to relatively large outbreak, George Fox to stick with the skimpv shorts that wear his nearly-scandalous running vStudcnts are hereby informed he has sported since his years as a University is likely to be quarantined shorts years after their popularity. that as of April 16, 2009, George Fox until the plague is confirmed no B a k e r s a i d t h e y University is suffering an outbreak of longer present in anyone on campus the oncc-cpidemic bubonic plague, and the campus is inspected for fleas. ninth-grade cross which is known to have caused the A quarantine would mean that country shorts" death of at least one-third of the no one would be permitted to leave and chat he population of F.uropc in the 14th or enter campus at any time for an "couldn't imagine indefinite period. In addition, every century. running without At this time, seven students student, faculty member, and staff t h e i r f a m i l i a r have been infected by the Ycrsina person who has been on campus in caress." pesris bacteria. Each student was the past 30 days would be required to "I have always transported to Providence St. be tested for the presence of bubonic enjoyed feeling the \'inccnt Medical Center in Portland plague. air on my entire when the presence of the bacteria The enforcement of a quarantine rwerehis "lucky legs, not just my was confirmed and is receiving all are swollen lymph glands, spots on would affect classes, finals, and lower quadrants." possible treatment. the skin that are red at first and then possibly the ability of students to explained Baker. Bubonic plague is just one return home for the summer at the turn black, heavy breathing, vomiting Photo b/ www.overkamp.co.uk "But I understand scheduled time. A decision will be variation of the \'ersina pestis of blood, aching limbs, coughing, why some students made within the next few days about bacteria and is known to be fatal in and pain. The pain is usually caused arc upset. I will cry to run later at the quarantine, and students will be high school track star. .1-7 days in .50% of untreated victims. night and earlier in the morning from by the decomposing of skin while the informed about it as soon as possible. "I don't usually have a Other variations are pneumonic victim is still alive. If you or anyone now on, but I refuse to buy different plague and septicemic plague. 'Hie Meanwhile, students are advised problem with man-thighs," said shorts, especially those hideously long you know has these symptoms, get to to remain calm during the epidemic. one anonymous observer, "But three variations are commonly known the hospital immediately. things I see men wearing nowadays." collectively as the Black Death. Ihe If you find fleas, kill them and as the president of a university I It is unknown how the plague feel like he should be more careful George Fox University seven infected students ate known contact your RA. Avoid rats and fleas encourages its president to pursue his reached campus, but the bacteria is and stay hygienic. Most importantly, when representing its image in the to have the bubonic variation of believed to be carried and spread running, even if his shorts sometimes the plague. Bubonic plague is if you have the symptoms listed community." cause discomfort or inappropriate by fleas. Fleas arc dark and around above or know someone who "I don't care what shorts distinguished from the other two 1-3 mm long. If you have seen any thoughts. As long as he keeps his kinds by the presence of swollen President Baker wears," exclaimed an in your living area, contact your RA excited student, "He's probably faster appearances to a minimum. Baker lymph glands, called "buboes." and they will contact the appropriate See QUARANTINE I page 4 will continue to run everyday. The symptoms of bubonic plague than guys half his age!" April 22, 2009 4 1 CROISSANT George Fox ranks fourth on national list Students to enroll in class 'Art of the Housewife in Fa "Where would Jesus go to college?" At the end of the course, By NATALIE GOULD students mu.si pass a rigorous test News Editor to demonstrate their learned skills, B y T R AV I S E V E N D E N Croissant Intern Industrialism They will be graded on a scale of industrialism has taken a terrible 0-5: 5 meaning housewife ready Cjcorgc Fox University Kanks toll on America. No longer docs the and 0 meaning remedy is required, 4''' on national list of "Where would wife stay home and take cart- of the With professor permission, students Jesus go to college?" children, cook, and clean. Now both scoring a 5 may enroll in the Just this past month the Moly husband and wife go to work. For accelerated class "Finding your Inner Trinity released its annual report this reason, GFU is offering a new June Cleaver," in which students will of colleges and universities it class starting Fall 2009. The class is divulge in advanced topics such as believes would best suit its human called "The Art of the Housewife. choosing the perfect strand of pearls counterpart, Jesus of Nazareth. On for your neck line, budgeting wisely, that list George Fox University was In essence, it will be a class about returning to the 1950s way of life. the balanced sack lunch, and how to r a n k e d n u m b e r f o u r o v e r a l l a n d The curriculum will be largely romance your husband discretely. receive honorable mentions in the focused on women and will include, Before students are admitted in categories of clean bathrooms and but is not limited to, creating perfect to the class, they must pass a pre-test, level of mischief. This years report included over 50 meals, learning how to sew and repair which will determine the success rate institutions which were judged based tears and wears, shining shoes so that the student will have as a housewife. If the student fails the pre-tcst, she on seven different categories. The husbands will always look pristine, the science of vacuuming, laundry, will not be admitted in to the class, categories included overall spiritualitv of the students, bible to student ratio, how to iron effectively, the joy of but rather must take the jump-start cleanliness of bathrooms, number of washing dishes by hand, the perfect class. Women, the housewife class is awesome prizes given out for free, pot roast, and writing grocery lists now open for enrollment. Please sec level of mischief, food ser\-icc (with that count. your advisor for admission and a pre The class is expected to fill up negative points given for schools who test time for the class. serve more than 1,000 lbs of rice per quickly as statistics show that women For the men, it is expected for year) and coolest Christian bumper are tired of being seen as equals to a class to be offered on being the Photo by home.insightbb.com men and of being held to such a high stickers. Once again the educational The infamous Grilled Chessus Sandv^lch that brought CPU's ranking down in sole breadwinner of the household, experiences of the schools aren't 2008. expectation. They desire to spend beginning Fall 2010. The class will accounted for simply because its most of their time and effort creating be focused upon how to balance the impossible for the Holy Trinity to to comprehend. After the ranking a comfortable home for their husband career and family life. It will include years rank of 20'^ which is mainly and children. such topics as how to change the oil decide which is the best school for process they create a simple .pdf file attributed to the "chapel streaker" learning since they arc omniscient. which they send directly to the Pope Assignments will require that on the family sedan, paying the bills, incident which was followed up by students spend at minimum eight The process of judging the in Latin. The Pope then translates the a student claiming they found a putting your wife on an allowance, schools starts every year on Easter hours per week closely studying and learning how to be patient when report, prints and binds them using grilled cheese with the image of Jesus the ways of the great television Sunday when they send the Holy s e r v i c e s f r o m h i s l o c a l X e r o x s t o r e the dinner is not on the table exactly imprinted on it. Jesus commented, housewives such as Lucy Arnez Spirit for its yearly visit. They rank and sells them for five dollars a piece. "A grilled cheese sandwich? Really? at 6 p.m. each school on a system that is much This years result of 4'*' overall I'm lactose intolerant." (Lucille Ball), June Cleaver (Barbara too complex for our simple minds was a big improvement from last Billingslcy), and Aunt Bee (FTances Baviar).

Robin Baker's mustache Forks: Protests predicted to continue

takes on own identity Continued from page I forks. 1 don't want to live in fear." As morale dropped, students forsook of the publication of this article, Bon modern conveniences, often living in B y T R AV I S E V E N D E N the children's .section of the local Croissant Intern initiative and forcing them into Apettir ha.s not responded to our calks sleeping bags on their campus. library and feels that he may be able environmentally responsible actions, regarding these threats. The logical conclusion to this The mustache that was previously to support himself babysitting small we asked student.s to submit other T h i s i s n o t t h e fi r s t t i m e a sror\' is that this over-the-top children at a reasonable rate. When owned by President Robin Baker has ecologically friendly ideas. A group c a f e t e r i a ' s e c o n o m i c a c t i o n s h a v e environmentalism can ruin lives. become so large it recently decided asked about the recent goodbvc called Hands: God's Utensils stopped caused an uproar. The Bulldog Unknown to Bon Apetit's upper class luncheon with Robin Baker he stated, to declare itself as its own sovereign forward and delivered a knockout Cafe at Spokane's Gonzaga board of directors, student response "It was so good 1 think 1 might save entity. As of now the mustache only idea, Forklcss Fridays." University nearly caused a riot on to 1 rayless Tuesdays has seemed s o m e f o r l a t e r ! " goes by the name "Lil' Robby". In his On Tuesday, the group Fork campus. It started out as a plan overwhelmingly negative, despite the free time Lil' Robby enjoys perusing Lovers United, an organization to save aluminum; they brought efforts of the group Hands: God's created to fight the ever rampant back soda fountains stocked with Utensils. But these eager, silver- proliferation of chopsticks, released a biodegradable cups. Unfortunately spocn-in-mouth publicity whores evacuated in the next few days to statement saying they were expanding these cups disintegrated when filled Quarantine; only hear what thev want to hear. search for the assumed cause of the their operations to counter this new with the popular beverage, Coca- 1 he on-site staffers often choose to outbreak (fleas) and exterminate "ami-forkisi regime." Cola. Because of this utiforcseen Administration rhem. Students in other on-campus pass along the positive comments Many students are expected complication rushed legislation was cards left by their student stooges, living areas arc encouraged to to show up Friday with comically passed banning the use of cups on while using the negative cards as filler welcome the evacuees from HMS to recognizes o v e r s i z e d f o r k s i n a f o r m o f campus. their living areas as wc all attempt to material for the meatloaf. nonviolent protest. However, some This bill also included the now I he student body clearly must upheaval cope with the consequences of the aren't showing this restraint. infamous Pen Act which instituted sudden outbreak of the plague. speak up and let the Bon Apetit Continued from page 3 Sophomore Becky Smith said, a ban on all graphite. This all-pen know whether or not it approves of The school administration knows "I don't know if it's going to be policy was pushed by several student that this situation is going to cause these policies, lest we find ourselves docs, get yourself or them to the safe at lunch, I've heard about the organizations whose general funding sudden upheaval on campus and demonstration and I support that. now has been traced back to Bic eating in a cafeteria without chairs or hospital, Students in the residence encourages all students to trust in Bur there are rumors going around of and Uniball. As the math and art napkins and not of our own volidon. hnlks Hobson, Macy, and Sutton are 1 he question is: do we have a our heavenly Father to heal the seven students going a little farther. Some majors rose up indignation of this especially advised to be wary, as five infected students and help us through fundamental right to eat with tonged out of the seven infected students are freshmen from Pcnn are going to corporate fueled mandate, a studcnr- utensils? Or must we continue to give the chaotic times about to take place light crap up, and you can quote me Icd movement to boycott pencils residents of Sutton Hall. on campus in the coming days. in until we are left cowering in fear These residence halls will be on that." She continued stating, "I've led to assignments and essays being also heard that \'illa House girls are written in crayon, blood, and other with dirty hands? planning on forcibly demanding unidentified liquids. As campus

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