The 1 Oth Apinual BEER FESTIVAL Saturday 18Th June

Issue No 816 9 June1994 iBare m^acts University of Surrey Students' Union Newspaper IISSU PKESEHTS The 1 Oth APiNUAL BEER FESTIVAL Saturday 18th June

BARS - 11 am - 11 pm r ErìTS to ll.SOpm ERTS io feahire TTJEWimmiSÌ 34 Beers,Lagers & Ciders Tickets £4.50 from the Trading Desk

Union House will dose for approximately 1 hour between 5 6pm

Established 1968 Tel: (0483) 259275 Fax: (0483) 34749 In thìs week... Dear Editor,

Letters 2-3 Last Thursday some friends and I were Grad Ball Details 4 peacefully enjoying a milkshake and Careers 6 cream cake in the coffee shop at Teseo Folk Club 7 when a group of locai thugs entered the Star Trek - the Obituary 8 shop and started abusing us verbally. Music Mania 9 Despite our remainmg relatively cahn, Culture Shock 10-11 the staff promptly eviêd us fOT causing Clubs & Societies 12 trcHible even though we were completely At the Movies 13 innocent. Not only were we prevented Jobspot 14-15 f^rom completing our weekly shop, but Personals 16 we were aùo more vulnerable to a poten- AGMs & Notices 17 tially ugly sihiation in the Teseo car paik. Rag-Time 18 riie views expressed on this paê are l'il certainly be getting my groceries Campusport 19 personal views and do not necessarily from the campus shop in the future. Colours Ball Review 20 represent those of the éditorial lioard or the Students' l'nion. CJ Clement From the Editor... Tlie l-'ditor réserves the ri^ht to edit Dear Editor, BF goes almost patrioüc for D-Day ail letters. week: Ents Planner on red, the main Dear Editor, I feel compelled to write to you about my pages on white and the Drink wise pullout disgust at the way certain students cavort around the lake with little clothing onu on blue. Itwouldbe patrioüc if itwasn't There have been occasions in recent a complete coincidence... whenever we get a warm speli o weeks when the University Security staff weather. As you are well aware, thii have come in for some criticism within campus is a multi-racial one and many oj i It's getting 10 thaï time of the year when the pages of B are Facts. However, I feel US fmd it quite disturbing seeing young everyone starts to slow down slightly, or compelled to report a recent incident ladies and gentlemen parking and play- switch off completely if exams are loom- whiÀ has shown them U) be a thoroughiy ing frisbee in a state of undress, some of ing. It's a reasonablesize issue tliis week decent bunch of fellows. whom have nothing more than a thong to with the Drinkwise pullout and the usuai cover their modesty. To add to this, I Ents Planner. Depending on how much I was just retuming home on Friday night have also been infonned that academic material I get in over the next few week, when my tnisty Austin Allegro groimd to staff membCTS partake in such shameless BF will probably be smaller than usuai. a hall on the perimeter road near Car Park exhibitionism. Comeon,don'tyouthink The issues in weeks 8 and 9 will come out 4. In view of tìie lateness of the hour I that a little more respect ouît to be on Thursday night as nonmal, with the was somewhat dubious ût the pros- shown for Üiose who come from a différ- usuai Tuesday moming deadline. How- pect of getting any immediate help but ent cultural background? ever the week 10 end-of-year issue two gentlemen from the Security OfGce (which will hopefully be full of silly and kindly offered to come and help, and Name withheìd at author's request embarrassing piccies from tiiroughout within fìve minutes had got me going. the year) wiU come out early (probably Wednes^y night) and the deadline for Dear Editor, this will be Thanks for the help lads. I wonder if anyone can enlighten me: S Lnngley what is it about religion that makes one Friday 12 noon of week 9! need to "feed the chucs" (so to speak) Dear Editor, every five minutes? To all those still slogging away at the exams, good luck! Don*t forget to buy I am a third year student currently living i your tickets for Beer Fest THE liquid My poor bishop has never received so at HazeI Fann and am writing to express much of my own attention. refreshment event of the year! I saw the my feelings regarding the bus service list this moming of ttie ciders that will be which supposedly runs after the Union Jonathan Day on sale at Beer Fest and two of them are closes. The only time I use this bus is on 8.0% volume. I will probably be having Friday nights and for the past two weeks a very quiet, hungover Sunday next (Friday 20th & 27th May) the bus has BF Deadline weekend. This weekend, however, TU failed to tum up...The reasons? be out sunning myself, assuming the weather holds. 20th May driver was too dmnk to Tuesday 9.30aiii drive On a more serious note, don't forget to come to the GM on Tuesday. We had an Ali submissions must be important motion about accommodation 27th May s/he simply didn't bother to accompanied by full provisicms for certain groups of students show upl!!! and several élections to do this week, but name and Union card unfortunately none of them happent as I wouldn't mind so much if I didnU bave number or they will not we were inquorate. Please please ccnne to then pay for a taxi as a result of some- along and help us get the business out of body's incompétence. So please, some- be printed. This rulc in- the way before the end of the year. It will one, somewhere out there, get your act cludes Personals, which be in tte amphitheatre if it's sunny, in the together! main Union if not. are stili limited to two per Look forward to seeing you there. Take Thanks person until further no- care and keep readinj tice. John Ramchandani Dear Editor, Dear Editor, Dear Editor,

I am writing in reply to the letter in last 1 am writing in reply to a letter printed in 1 have been asked to write this letter week's edition submitted by Ruth Stan- the last issue of BF concerning the behav- concerning the beer throwing incident on ton regarding the Comedy night in Free iour at the Free Fest Comedy Night 1 Friday of Free Fest. 1 am the arrogant Fest Being one of the so-called 'apa- was present for this event and after enjoy- ****** referred to by Ruth Stanton in BF thetic' stu(tents regarding Union affairs I ing the other comedians that night (get 815, so I know better than most what have not found the need to write before. Stu Who? back again - he was excellent) happened that night. I should make it clear that I was one of I was one of the many people who was the 'pissheads' that sat, amused, in the happy to see Ian Cognito leave the stage Ruth said that the comedians were 'heck- audience and had a great night The job after his appalling handling of the situ- led extensively'; I did not say a word to of a comedian is to stand on stage in front ation. him. He picked me out of the crowd and of an audience and entertain them. Ian started to have a go at me. To save face I Cognito seemed to me to have little ma- I am not condoning the actions of the shouted something back, to which his ler& and what he did produce was seen student concerned (let's call him Mr X retum was jumping off the stage and previously in a performance in the lower for convenience ) - throwing anything at hitting me and my colleague with the bar. When my friend Erik, or as you a performer on the stage is a pretty stupid microphone. At this point I was not fondly call him ****** went to sit at the thing to do - but it has to be taken in happy and threw less than half a pint of stage due to lack of seating, laii Cognito context beer at him. He then continued his act so decided, as lame comedians do, he would I do not see that I am directly responsible try and exü^ct the Michael. for him leaving. The way I remember it Up until this point young Erik had sat The reason the beer was thrown was that he told the old Ayrton Sennajoke and the quietly drinking his pint, he was then the'comedian' was verbally abusing the whole crowd told him to piss off. Ruth bombarded with abuse concerning his student and had been doing so for a num- seemed sorry for the poor comedians that haircut, and things got a bit hairy. Erik ber of minutes. This is generally ex- have to face pissed students. At almost I was singled outas the cause of the trouble pected of comedians in response to every gig a comedian ever docs, the audi- and has been reprimanded by union offi- 'heckling' and is usually funny. The dif- ence will have been drinking. 1 think old cials. Was Erik the hundreds of voices ference here is that the student did not Bonzo Beardy Bloke was relying on the that jeered at the comedian when his new heckle the comedian in the first place, audience to be totally hammered. found joke turned out to be a and he only did so after the verbal assault Senna/Smith gag that's been around all from the stage in order to regjun some week? I believe that justice was done on sort of dignity. It was obvious to many 1 had to write this letter as part of my the night, Erik received a blow to the in the audience that Mr Cognito had no punishment I have been fined for the head from the comedian's microphone respect whatsoever for the students pre- incident to deter others that might want and in retuni he threw the dregs of his sent for the performance, and they joined to follow in my footsteps. I have also pint, to cause just embarrassment to the in the heckling. been asked to apologise to anyone who man. thinks I ruined their night If you ask me Rather than stopping and getting under- the whole thing has been blown out of If Mr Cognito cannot cope with some way with some comedy, Mr Cognito de- proportion. I should have been thrown heckling it makes one wonder how he has cided to continue his attempts at humour out on the night aiid that should have managed to keep going all this time, he by embarrassing Mr X - we all know the been the end of it was definitely not what I would call pro- results. It was sad to see that a comedian fessional, in any sense. People tell me who is so renowned for perfonning to Comedians are paid to be heckled, and that he got his manhood out during the students should have shown such a sad there is no excuse for physical violence. act, which just about sums up the quality lack of control in the face of heckling, but He actually broke the microphone when of the material in his repertoire. the end result - him abandoning his 'act' he hit me and his whole attitude was very I suppose we better blame Erik for the - was a good thing for all concerned. 1, unprofessional. Does Ruth really want constant chorus of OOOH, AAAH, for one, was happy to have Mr Donelley people who get their genitalia out on B******S. Chris Luby was obviously back on stage for a thoroughly enjoyable stage to retum to this University? not accustomed to such a game but he hour or two instead. was cahn and professional and won the crowd's respect Erik Newton Finally I would like to point out that the Ben Rees individuals you are referring to are the very same individuals that you will see each evening down the bar funding events such as free fest by increasing bar profits. These people are a dying breed, in a few years time I can see the union closing during the week due to lack of Information and profit I could ramble on for longer about Helpline Service the good old days but I'd end up quoting unprintable material. When you all finish your exams let's get down the bar and have a good drink, because let's face it, that's what the Union is really all about Make the last few weeks a cracking time and let's stop all this incessant moaning. Cheers to four years of good times and 8pm ^ best wishes for the future. Ifel: (0483) 32710 Internal 4949 Yours Lovingly,

John (Bagpuss) Beckwith The Word From The 1994 Graduation Ball The Asylum Friday 8th July o you reaiise that Gradu- nopoly. There will also be a Scalextric xams over, it's party season! Ifthe ation Day is only 4 weeks track set up and available fOT use. E^(sports ) hall stili beckons you then I D apologise for my premalurity, but solace away', 6ani-End ofthe Ball yourself with the fact that your summer all those that are still alive then assemble will last longer than mine. The biggest It's time to update you all on the progress in the amphitheatre for a survivor's pho- effect on time is affect, so a pre-exam of the préparations for the Graduation tograph. moming is about équivalent to a post- Ball. Our Graduation Ball Committee 6.15ani - A champagne breakfast will exam lifetime. Chahman, Keith Wigmore, has finished be served in the Chancellors Restaurant. his exams now, so préparations are in full flight. Anyhow, for those of us with our desti- Cost nies determined, now is the time to see to The University's Chancellor (HRH The it that you don't live to see your results Duke of Kent) hztfl been invited to attend (doubtless resulting from too many after- the evening's festivities, as this is the The cost will be as follows :- noons spent on your CV or your UV VC's last year, but will not be able to down by the river at the Jolly Farmer). make it. - Entertainments tickets will cost £25 per person and include access to all the Party season is as unreliable as the British events and attractions in the Marquee Programme for the Evening Village, the Hall Complex, the Amphi- summer, which often ends up as two (all times are approx) sunny days and a thunderstorm, and theatre and the Library Restaurant there' s just no way of knowing quite how popular you are until the season is 7pin - Marquee Village Opens -Champagne Breakfast tickets will be £5^ tlirough. Invitation is the sincerest form perhe^. of flattery and, outside of departmental The Village will be set up between dos (no points for these farcical parodies BB/BC and Car Parks 3/4. There will be -A picnic basket for two to share will cost of tiìe cheese and wine nightmare), the various fun fair rides and stalls set up in £25 per basket Tìie basket contents wiD number and nature of the marks on your the village. Food will be served in ham- be:- social calendar can be apretty clear indi- pers for two to share. The VC will be - 2 Grad. Ball Commemorative Glasses speaking at 10.30pm. cation of how far you'vemade it socially. - 2 small Bottles of Wine - each with Having been to parties from the Marianus 1 Vi glasses ofwine Trench to the peaks of Godwin Austin I llpm - Hall Complex Opens - 2 Botiles of Minerai Water think I spe^ with a degree of (bitter) - Smoked Salmón Pate experience if not with any evidence of The music in the Main Hall will be - Chicken with Apples and Sultanas discrimination. brought to you by DJ Chris Haslam. - Poik and S til ton Pie The headiine band for the evening will be -Salad The flip side of this particular ontological The Blue Jays, and they will be sup- - Brie, Grapes, Baguettes and Butter coin is the hosting of parties; a dangerous ported by Bravo Bravo (as seen at Free - Summer Fruits and Clotted Cream activity which can make or break the Fest). - Souffle (2 différent types) aspiring bon viveur. My own advice would be don' t do it, hosts never have fun As is fítting for an evening such as this, The vegetarían option will include Flor- at their own parties unless they're loaded there will be plenty of bars open: - ida Cocktail, Avocado with Pistachio (with a tendency to go ofO, psychotic or Marquee Village - Watch a 40ft truck Nuts and a Vegetarían Pie. in possession of the fu'st fifteen as a tum into a bar! bouncing team. Having said that we are, Amphitheatre - Cocktail Bar and l'm sure you will too. Invites to Library Restaurant - Bottled Beer Bar Ticket Sales ^ psychology postgraduale pigeonhole Hall Bar - Cliff and Co. with their usual 'R'. selection Tickets sales will be in week 8, for final Veggie Restaurant - Another Bar. year students only to buy tickets for And, on the subject of parties, albeit of themselves and their guests. Yes, this is the most dubious kind, I hope you used The Bar Licence has been granted until an event where you are allowed to bring your vote wisely! 530am. guests. Tickets will be on sale in the There will be Karoake in the Ve^ie union foyer between Midday and 2pm Restaurant. every lunchtime next week. Ticket Mike Read sales will be open to other years from week 9 onwards. A casino will be open all evening in the Hall Restaurant. A photographer will Don't forget to also be situated in the Hall Restaurant, When you purchase your meal tickets, for those wanting a permanent record of please state whether you require red or the evening's festivities. white wine and if you would like vege- RECYCLE The new addition to the Graduation Ball tarían food. Please make cheques pay- célébrations this year is the Games able to the University of Surrey Students' Room in the Library Restaurant, set up Union. Don't forget tobring your union íBO/B ^acts and run by a specialist company. About card with you when you come to buy 180 différent board games will be avail- your ticket(s). A maximum of 4 union Pmer biBS in the able for use. Games will include those cards per person, please. Union and all childhood favourites such as Kerplunk, Mousetrap and Operation, but will not Anne Kehoe court réceptions. feature the long-winded ones like Mo- Grad Bali Committee Secretary Test your general knowledge and powers of observation

plus Compact cameras & exclusive 'diet Coke' sunglasses, T-shirts and beach towels.

Monday 20th June - week 9 In the Lower Bar

Bar open at 7pm Quiz starts at 8pm

Get there early as the doors will be shut as soon as the fire limit is reached. Teams of no more than 2 people E-mail BF Networking n a difficult recruitment market, it is important to use as many means as possible SUO 1 bf @ surrey .ac.u k Ito get a job. Replying to ads, writing on spec^ going to recruitment fairs and using agencies are the obvious things that spring to mind at this time of year. Strange Üien, Remember, you can submit ar- that perhaps the oldest of them all, now neatly packaged under a new name, should be overlooked by so many. ticles on disc - any lUM compat- ible format will do (ie anything Networking is really cmly an abbreviation for what started life as the "old boy except Apple Macintosh). Sim- network". Equal opportunities policies and enlightened recruitment practices have ply lend us the disc and we will fortunately consigned that particular form of job-bunting l^ely to the past. But it ensure you get it back. lives on in a new form which is a lot fairer and just as effective. Last year about 15% of Surrey graduates found their jobs this way.

Pictures to accompany articles This is how it woiks. Sit down with a blank sheet of paper and write down the names are always welcome. of all the people you know who are in any way connected with the kind of work or the kind of employer you have in mind. Try using yoiu- Christmas card list, relatives, friends of the family, contacts made through your Professional Year, memters of Lower Bar academic staff and so on. The next step is simple in concept but a bit threatening in pi^tice. You need to ring all those people, let them know the kind of work you're looking for and then ask them Bookings how they would advise you to go about job-hunting. Generally speaking, people love giving advice. They are also usually happy to talk about their own woric, unless, Autumn Term course, they're going through a bad patch at the time! Gradually, you pick u]^^ infonnation about the overall recruitment situation. They might even invite you for ookings for the Autumn term will lunch or a drink after work so you can talk for longer. Better still, they might know Bcommence on Monday 13th June someone else who could help you even more. And so your network of contacts grows. 1994 at 10 a.m. from the General Of- Eventually one of these could mention a specific vacancy which you could í^5ply for, fice. or they might be able to offer you a period of work experience.

Only one booking per club, socie^ or With the "old boy networic", jobs often came to people on a plate, but then, they didn't individual will te taken in order to necessarily end up doing scunething they really wanted to. Its modem equivalent is avoid monopoly bookings. harder work, but at least you ranain in control and when something finally turns up you feel as it you've really earned it The first two weeks of the Autumn term are allocated to the Introduction Russ Clark, Careers Service Week Committee, who are responsible for allocating days to various clubs PS By the way, if you still have any graduate brochures, information booklets or and societies. Graduate Recruitment Directories (e.g. PROSPECTS/GO/GET), we'd te pleased to have them back to use in the vacation. 'CAREERS SERVICE' ARE YOU THINKING Life's Ups and Downs.

OF THE ARMY fter last month's amazingly successful Free Fest, a group of friends and I decidec^^ Ato explore the music acts parading around London for ourselves. Tuesday night^P ASA saw us travelling to Camden to see Eskimos and Egypt perform live in the Camden Palace. I had expected a mixture of rave and rock music and was greatly impressed POSSIBLE CAREER? by the show and the atmosphere that built up. The flip side of the coin was that I'd s^nt nearly £10 in drinks and had ringing in my ears for the next two days. If students IF SO lU:e rave, rock or indie music then they would love a visit by the boys to our humble Union. Our next outing was to see John Forrester play at the Mean Fiddler Pub in ARRANGE TO MEET Harlesden. He is a solo guitarist/singer and sings songs that have lyrics that one can THE ARMY listen to and actually make sense. The evening's entertainment was rounded off with Rachel Moni, who did not sound unlike a certain Annie Lenox, and a fast paced, LIAISON OFHCER country band named the Gr^ Stormers. FOR AN INFORMAL CHAT The night had a down side; our car broke down, liie problem lay in tte ignition switch WHEN HE visrrs us whi(± had short circuited and produced the kind of smell you get when somecxie bums sausages in their KUB. A^le we waited for tte RAC to show, a memter of our party ON suggested hot-wiring the car. This plan soon f^led when he announced he didn't know which wires were which and didn't want to risk getting a car battery voltage FRIDAY 24 JUNE through his head (though it would have made a nice hair-do). Fortunately, we were stuck in the most desirable place one could dream of. We were FOR AN APPOINTMENT in the main high street, so relaying our location to the RAC was a doddle; we were SEE NADINE HUNTER surrounded by public payphones, that weren't all vandalised; but test of all, we were IN THE CAREERS SERVICE right out side a kebab house, lovely.

^CAREERS SERVICE^— Dave W Folk Club SURREY STUDENT Floor SIngers' Evening featuring Gilly Darbey from Noth- TRAVEL ing by Chance onTuesday 14th June at 8pm In the Lovi-er SERVICE Bar. Entry: Absolutely Free! Really Really Great Air Fares at Surrey Tu 3ent Tr«Ä

Ail London L ^r-iur J.*

Aberdeen >* ast4irirm| Edinbr ^h In Jersey r.r ^ehester

P st oi 'ance & € 5 am Pi Di&riinàrk S^ets-^ FInland Russia Austri '^zé^ch Hungar^ 6ulga..a Turkey 'Cyprus Ali ar. with valid ISIC card with British Airways. ^ '4 bookings to be made by 15 June 1994 and outbound travei by 30 June with a yearly return. Check out these massive savings on scheduied BA flights. Your seat confirmed instantly. Book now at SURREY STUDENT TRAVEL SERVICE. '^uesday's Folk Club Floor Singers' Evening will be a little X different from norma! - for the first time Gilly Darbey will be perfonning a SOLO SET in the Lower Bar, so if you would like to hear some more of ber supeib voice (without interrup- tions from Keith Donnelly) then come down and have a look at what's going on! If anyone hadn't realised it, Keith Donnelly will be back for ihe Beer Festival and he will be bringing more of his new live cu albums witb him - recorded at our very own Folk Club in the Lower Bar, so if you want to take some of him home with you, just ask him on the day... I do have a few tapes available at the rrp of £7.00) so if you want one before Beer Fest, ask me on Tuesday at Folk Club. Finally the last Folk Club this term (and year) will be Tuesday Week 10. Hopefully everyone wiU have finished their exains by then so PARTEEE! in the Lower Bar with an Irish Electric Folk Band called POSH FROCK AND JUKE BOX. This should be a mega gig, so be there ! Anyone who has been a Floor If you just want a Singer this year should get there early for the gig...Good Luck to everyone with their exams - remember to take a break from revising and come down to see Gilly on Tuesday eve- quiet drink, ning.Cheers,

• Duncan Congratulations come down to

'^o Alan Rio, 4th Year Nutrition and Dietetics student on Chancellors X receiving the prestigious Elizabeth Washington Bursary Award from the British Dietetic Association. Tliis bursary will allow Alan to travei to the famous Australian Institute of Sport to study sports nutrition in préparation for the Sydney Olympic Games. The bursary is open to ali dietetic students in the UK Sa+u»*day ii and the award is the cuhnination of Alan's active participation in sports nutrition at the University where he has presented seminars, provided articles for Bare Facts and the Campusport newsletter and attended the annual Sports Nutrition foundation ope.y\ 12 - pm Symposiums held in London. As a State Registered Dietician, Alan hopes to fuel the British Olympic Team to gold at the Sydney Games!! star Trek - the Obituary

have been lobbied and begged by the Trekkies of this worid to print the following in honour ofthe Inow-defunkt Star Trek (apparently the last episode appeared on TV in the States a week or so ago). It appeared on someone's E-mail, don't ask me where it carne from! So here it is: USS ENTERPRISE (to the tune of American Pie) - by John Martz A long, long time ago rbe itfvcnti» míasüii is almost done now I can stili rcmcmb^ lu)w that starship used to makeme feel IIks^ last LwohoiB^ won't seem so fun now Andi koew li Xtetó my way That one day is comin' fast l'hai t couJd luakr ihiwc: pu^lc »Lay Picard flies through future and past Aiíd ind>be u-c'd he happv ibr a whiJc He's always the one who Q's harrassed But Paramoúnt filled ìy© with woe At least this time it will be his very last They cancelled my favorìteiSóit'i show Now the Enterprise was made for me Bad news on the Enterprise Picard and ali his Earl grey Tea Jean-Luc said his last "I We ali sit down to look I can't remember if I cried Oh, at the last chapter of his book When 1 read aboui iheir final ride 'Cause those last two hours should be great But something touched me deep inside When Q wipes clean Jean-Luc's slate The day that Star Trek died Do you recali what was revealed So, The day that Star Trek died We started singing... CHORUS Bye, bye U.S.S. Biterprise aioRUS Our Starship was a great ship, but il no longer flìes And that Starship crew was drinking synthetic rye Oh, and there we w< ic ;U1 m nnc pUcc Singing "This wiU be the day that I die", A geaeration lost in lilis will be the day that I die." But no;ümc left to start agam So come Picard be nimMe. Jejin-liUc be quick DId you write the Prime Directive Th( fniuiipi)it.*nt ho iiiakL*N you sick And are your outer shields jMôtective 'CauNC tnck'ry's the (ù^nhnumn's uni/ friend Paramount wasnH grooyy Oh, aihi ití l UcitchL-d the tin.tl show At least you* Il be Mck in the movie It was the only way to go Can sequels save your mortai soul No angel bom in hell And why does warp now always seem so slow Could break that Q boy's speli Well, I know that you'll be back again And as the ship flew deep into the night 'Cause I saw you in a convention To fly its final flight You said you will be back I saw tiiat Q laugbing with delight Paramount doesn't ever slack The iiay that Star Ti«k died I was a lonely trekkcr^ with just enough He-Aas Miijimt^. Had a cominuniG^rar aDdiilot of stuff B ut: I knevir I Nêatlted «qt Jasi pult CHORUS On ih£ däy that Sttf Tide diei^, I started slngìng» I met a girl who sang the blues And I asked her for some happy news CHORUS But she just smiied and tumed away I went down to the Star Trek club Now for sev'n years we've been on ouf ow« Where l'd watched the show n' eat my grub Aliens proving we're not alone But the leêr said the show wouldn't play But that's not how it used to be And in the streets the children screamed Though we ali know The Next Generation The Trekkies cried and the Trekkers dreamed Started with Q at Farpoint Station But not a word was spoken And a voice that carne from you and me The Translators all were broken Oh, and while Picard was loîng down And the three men I admire most That Q, he chased our ship around KiH^ and The Great Bird's ghost The courtroom was adjoumed Hiey cauRhl the waif n tiain foi iIk' stais No verdict was return^ day that Star Ti ck dicd And now Picard doesn't want to go Ând tliey were sin^'iitg. * So Q comes back for the final show And we yelled no no no no no CHCWfeUS The day that Star Trek died We were singing... 1 hry smgihg .

CHORUS CHORUS V, V V, Non-Trekkie fans are advised to skìp this page! 'T^he world seemed to be just Safeway JL and the walls within, during the past week. I am shagged out and in need of a complete massage, oops sorry holiday, so I've decided to pop over to America ("ooh, ahh, bollox!, you lying b*****d!" taken from Keith Donnelly's set at Free FesL) this weekend for the next couple of weeks. Music Mania won't come to a Edited By:- standstill, but it will transfer to the very Chris Pye capable and witty hands of Dan and Andy! Lets face the music and dance....

Ibiza In The Nineties The Fleadh - Sat 11th June Heineken Music Festivals Finsbury Park, London, N4. 23-26th June ul your minds back five or six years, £26 inc Booking Stadium Bowl, Gateshead Pand think of the only in place to be if 7-lOth July - Roundary Park, you are into dance music....IT had to be There are over 40 acts appearing this Leeds IBIZA. The clubs weren't new but they Saturday including Crowded House, 21-24th July - Woolaton Park, did play the best music around Europe at D:Ream, Shane MacGowan and the Nottingham the time. However, if you think it has all Popes, The Proclaimers, The Dubliners, come to an end and died, then think again, Christy Moore, The Saw Doctors, The because the parties are still happening Cranberries, Kirsty McColl and Mary All these festivals have got top bands and they are better than all those years Coughlan. perfonning at them, and the best thing is ago. Ibiza was the place to go for groovy For more info call: 071 284 4111 that they are completly free to go to. If people back in the fifties, a bit like Glas- you are interested then give them a call tonbury. But in '61 the authorities on 0891 222459 for more info. clamped down on drugs (why?) and they The Legendary Glastonbury moved to San Francisco, which happens 24-26th June to be in America (Ooh, Ahh, Bollox....) Pheonix Festival -14-17 July and the rest is pop history. Pitton Farm, Pitton Long Marston, Stratford- £59 plus booking Upon-Avon Kiss FM are going again this September £53 inc booking and the cost is still as cheap as it was six More than 1,(XK3 acts on 17 stages over years ago. You can get out there for as three days. Name a band and you have a little as £150, which I feel is a good possibility of seeing them at Glaston- This is only the second running of this bargain. Tlie only drawback is the cost of bury, the only thing is being in 17 places festival. There will be five stages includ- partying, £20 to get in a club on a good at once to see all 1,000 bands. ing the' Loaded Comedy Stage'. The acts night, £4/£5 a drink once you're in, but More info call: 0839 668899 include Redwood (Surrey's fu^t band to remember you'll have a damned good play at a big festival). The Wonderstuff time in there! will be playing their last ever live per- Womad Festival - 22-24th June formance here. Other artists include Car- Riversmead, Reading ter, Tlie Fall, Neds, Jah Wobble, Paul £40 Weller, PWEI, Inspirals, Crash Test Closer to Home Dummies, Iggy Pop, Beautiful South, The Pogues, Incognito, Urban Species, s summer ^proaches, so do the out- Only 50 artists at this festival, but they Galliano. Do I need to carry on. I'll see Adoor festivals. You've heard of are from 25 counuies including Jah Wob- you there. Glastonbury, but do you know about the ble, Loop Guru, Moodswings, African All the tickets forthese festivals are being rest? Here is a run down of what's hap- Headcharge, Apache Indian. sold at the Ticketmaster Centre within pening and where and more importantly More info call: 0225 744044 HMV Guildford or by ringing 071 344 how much it will cost you to sleep in 4444. It's just a shame that I will be in cramped fields, queue for toilets in rivers America for most of these. If you go, of deep mud and dance your feet off to enjoy yourself and be careful (if you want good music. to!)

Understand - The Understand EP Sulphur • Highchair

n recent months there has been increased interest in hardcore, ailing from Tunbridge Wells, self-confessed chips addicts Ithat noisy combination of metal and punk spawned in the H(lead singer Butty evidently overdosed on chips once!) early 80's New York music scene. Biuids such as Biohazard & have just finished supporting SMASH & Blessed Ethel and now sick of it all are gaining popularity rapidly. Now Britain has a hit us with their new single "Highchair". contender. But what are they like? Well, Sulphur mix grace and dexterity Understand hail from musicville UK... Southend-on-Sea! This, with some good guitar riffs, and some interesting lyrics to booL their debut release, is full of chugging riffs and attitude. Where Loadie as I am to say this. Sulphur it falls down is the vocals. Singer Dom has obviously been obviously graduated from the sain..' exposed to a lot of Fugazi but his attempts to emulate Ian school of song writing as Nirvani' Mackaye's vocal style doesn't quite fit as well as it does in The balance between the poppy bii v Fugazi. This is their debut, however, and it does show a talent and the screaming guitar bits is ex- that should make future releases worth listening to. cellent, making for a highly listen- able CD. 7/10 Rob Jackson 9/10 Rob Jackson 10

nitnxt

What's On and Where... New Victoria Theatre, Woking Compton Little Theatre

"The Miracle Woilcer" by William Gibson runs from Tues 14th Seneca's "Oedipus" adapted by Ted Hughes. June to Sat 18th June. Based on a true story, this is a tender, Thursday 16th, Friday 17th and Saturday 18th June at 8pm each passionate drama about deaf, dumb and blind girl, Heien Keller. evening in Compton Village Hall. Jenny Seagrove plays the d^icated teacher, Annie Sullivan. Student concessions £3, others £4, available from Jane Tumer BOX OFHCE 0483 761144. on ext 2020.

Thomdike Theatre, Leatherhead On Campus i

Ray Cooney's "Funny Money" continues until Sat. llth June. ARTS CINEMA: 15th June, "Hour of the Pig", directed by From Mon 13th - Sat 18th June, "The Merry Widow", by Franz Leslie Megahy. Lehar is presented by Leatherhead Operatic Society. Full of romance, intrigue, comedy and memorable tunes! PATS STUDIO ONE: Wednesday Lunchtime Series, I5th June, 1:15pm.

Redgrave Theatre, Famham FREE!!! Music includes Schubert's Violin Concerto in A Minor, Lalo's Cello Concerto, Berkeley's Flute Sonatina, Per- "The Magic of Ballet" (Sunday, 12th June). Proceeds to the sichetti's Parable XI and ftx)kofiev's "Suggestion diabolique". Redgrave Appeal. BOX OFHCE 0252 715301. A Question of Murder

question: Who rules the country, King or Church? Today there seems little relevance to the question, but it is the one asked Aby T. S. Eliot*s "Murder in the Cathedral". Here, the conclusion of the life of Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury is depicted and examined in a Royal Shakespeare Company production in The Pit at the Barbican, running until 30th August

The play opens with Becket's return from self-imposed exile anticipated. The women of Canterbury and the cathedral priests offer their thoughts to the world, the clergy being gladi, the women not so. Upon his return, Becket is met by four tempters, who remind him of his powerful past, and offer yet more power. We hear his thoughts upon martyrdom, his life and impending death. He gives a Christmas day sermón entwined with paradox. Eventually, when Knights arrive to kill him, he is ready for them.

Tlie play is mostly set in verse, apait from two important passages; the sermón, and the Knights' speeches to the audience 'justifying' their actions. Some of the dialogue seems dated, and although the play was written in this Century, seems to show how long ago the events it describes were. The Pit provides a stränge setting for the play, relying more on the audience's Imagination to provide the cathedral setting. The Staging of the play was very good, with some excellent interaction between the characters. The lifting was also used to stunning effecL Eliot said of the play that he had written it in neither the past nor the presene The characters in this production ¿q^peared to be 'modemised', wearing Dinner Jackets and combat gear. Certainly the Knights' speeches have been brought into the 1900s.

Michael Feast plays the part of Thomas Becket well, and the chorus of women work very well together. Some of the other actors were just a touch too 'lovey' for my liking, but then again, this is the RSC. If you like your drama easy, then this may not appeal to you, but should you find an evening spare, you could do a lot worse than to go and see this.

Jono Bennett B£ SENSIBLE

BE DRimmSE Tuesday 14th June is NATIONAL DRINKWISE DAY

Almost everyone enjoys the odd drink or two, and we'ie not suggesting thatyou shouid stop drinking But why not use this week as an opportunity to take stock of just how much you have been drinking NEVER FORGET THERE IS A LIMIT! Be Sensible Be Drinkwise

NATIONAL DRINKWISE DAY 1994 TUESDAY 14th JUNE ational Drinkwise Day is Tuesday 14th June, so why not take the opportunity throughout the next week Nto study and improve YOUR drinking habits and become 'DRINKWISE*.

Tbe Drinkwise Campaign was set up in 1989 as a 'unique public infonnatíon campmgn to promote a more resp^sible and infonned approach to drinking alcohol'. Drinkwise recognises that, for most people, drinking can and sbould be an enjoyable activity. The campaign simply atms to show in a positive way tbat, by knowing the facts about alcoboi and by drinking sensíbly, we can ail bave a good lime wiüiout hanning ourselves or other peo]:de. Drinkwise aims to give individuáis the basic information that tbey need to belp th^ make responsible decisioos about their own drinkiiig haUts.

The ultímate goal of the Drinkwise Campaign is to change opinion, so that sensible drinking becomes acceptable as the nonna! thing to do, so read on to fìnd out whether you are normal!

What is 'Sensible Drinking'? Sensible drinking means drinking appropriately, responsibly and enjoyably and knowing YOUR UMITS. fl Appropriately: A^t your drinking habit to match the situation eg. don't drink at woik or whwi ev^one around you isn't " drìi&g. Responsibly: Don't drink and drive or drink so much that you don't realise what you are doing or saying. Enjoyably: Drink in social ^viromn^ts eg. with a meal or witb friends, tiy not to drink on your own to *drown your sonows'

Know Your Liraits

Do you know how mucb you drank last week? Sometimes it can be hard to keep crack of the total amount of alcohol tbat you drink over a period of time, and you may be surprised about just how Cast tbe units ad^ up.

A unit of alcohol ís roughly equivalent to half a pint of nonnal beer, a glass of wine, or a measure of si»rits.

cwe UNIT cwe UNU cwe UNIT Stfcmger beers may a)ntain as mucb as four units in a single pint Also w^h out if you are drinking ^ home as the measures of wine and spirits that you pour yourself are mucb larga* than those you w(Hild get in a bar. VrWflOf u>c{(o*ce(tnCNGIHKEtl

Tbe Health Education Authority recommends guidelines for both men and women for the total number of units that are safe to drink weekly for regular drinkers. It is reconunended that the^ units are spread CHit over the week and are not ail drunk in Alcohol damagct bcalth one binge. MAIN: Poor coocwtrMton, Jefcclivt nwmorv, brA*n damiti, WEEKLY UNITS •njwy le iht poipiMrai ncnn. OBOTHACUSs It shouid be stressed tbat these are Oncer guidelines for health reascms and WOMEN HCAKT: tliat alcohol aífects diff^ent peo- RaiMd Uood prcKun. hYpcrwmion^altMd Hrakf. tinttt 10 20 30 40 heol be«. diinij« lo heoi mocte. ple in differeQt ways. You may ffliacaidW dcpmwn. fìnd dmt you can drink slightly aeruMBS: Onaic c)

SaOtCAMS: Recent medicai research has questioned these weekly guidelines as bdng too low and Miln: f«M>n: Lo» ot libido. impoMnc*. geaiuBXMl t <«nc«r, ovHy impiiniitM. menurual has fuelled the argument that the majority of people could actually benefit from «hnnkiflg, dMoagMor pfobte«nf, ihrifAinK al bimu »od «sienul alMent ipcnn formMùn.GiviH jvnitalij. drinking more than these weekly units. The report of the Working Party looking into gnlafBBineftl and lou oí body luir. these new levels for sensible drinldng is due to be published next month. le Graduatìon Ball Committee proudiy presents

On Friday 8th Ju^ 1994 from Jpm i 6am Starting at 7pm In the Morgue vilbge behind BB/BC ncluding these folbwing attracions DODGEMS MIAMI ORBITER BOUNCY CASTLE SCALEXTRIC BOARD GAMES CASINO COCKTAILS KAROAKE 2 BANDS DISCO LASER CLAY PIGEON SHOOT ne i-ooa ror Tne even ng comes n me rorm or a namper for either meat or vegetarians, with a full meal, red or white wine and a cormmeratlve gbss. Entertainnnent ticket £25 per person Meal Ticket £25 per hannper (honnper for 2 people) Tickets on sale to final years in week 8 fronn ]he Union On general sale for everyone fronn week 9. Guests Albwed Sdturddy 11 June Charm 9pm-Bam in the Union ^ Tickets £4

Sunddy 12 ^ Monddy 13 Free Bend: Chem Soc Disco Magìe Pokit Lower Bar 8-11pm OFU: OFU: The Firm, 6pm LT6 The Firm, 8pm LTfi J Tuescldy 14 Wednesddy 15 Folk Club Arts Cinema: in the Lower Bar The Hour of the Pig 8-11pm LTe 7.B0pm

V J

Thurscldy 16 Friddy 17 Ents & Techno Soc Club Nation In the Lower Bar in the Lower Bar 9pm - lam 9pm - 2am £1 on the door £1.S0 on the door V J V Be Drinkwise Be Sensible

Alcoho - The Myths Dispellec ow k Alcoho '^ree Drinks "Whisky warms me up" f you are tiying to eut down on Ialcohol consumption or are Alcohol makes a drinker feel wanner be- driving. you may want to Uy some cause it causes tbe blood v^sels close to of the wide range of low alcohol the skin to dilate. This causes flusbing aiid a rise in skin temperature. In fact, and dcohol free drinks that are on body Kmperature is lo wered because sur> the market. face heat is lost in this way. BEWARE - Ihey may not be quite what they seem. There are strict rule that "Alcohol turns me on" "A drink keeps me alert" manufacmr^ bave to adhère to when labelling their products so tbe détails be- Drinking alcohol may make you less in- Alcohol is a depressant Under alcoholas low may help you to fmd your way hibited, but too much alcohol actually influ^ce, those functioi» of the brain tûgh the low alcohol drinks maze. reduces sexual performance. Long tom wUch make us human - judgem^t and excess in men may cause impotence. self-control - are tbe first to be impaired. Scientifìcally spea^g, the action of alcohol is almost entirely narcotic. Low Alcohol This can only be applied to a drink whose alcohol strength is less than 1.2% ABV "FU sleepitoff" (Alcohol by volume). People who drink heavUy at a late night party and go to bed at 12.30 or l.OOam NB Ordinary beers and lagers range be- may stili have a blood alcohol level above tween 3-4%ABV, thus Low Alcohol that legai for driving when they get up products could still put you over the limit and travel to work tbe next moming, or for driving if you drink enough of then. may stili fìnd their reactions impaired which is dangerous if using heavy machinery. Dealcoholised "I know my units A drink whose alcohol has been extracted l'U never get caught" to leave no more than 0.5% ABV (Usu- ally used for wines). 1 unit of alcohol can raise your blood alcohol level anything between 9 - 27 mg/lOOml bkxK). The legai limit for driv- Alcohol Free ing is 80mg/100ml blood. There is no sure way to teli when you have reacbed Drink contains no more than 0.05% ABV this limit, so tbe safest tbing is not to drink at ali if you are going to drive. Reduced Alcohol The Dom Side Althou^ mc^t would view this range as the same as Low Aloôl, the alccôl abituai heavy drinking can lead to serious long term side effects content of such drinks may be higher than Hwhich may eventually make you REAL ILL (See Opposite). expec^ - always check the label. But what about the immediate effects?

• Getting dnmk can mean a loss of manory and/or self control. This could mean If you are cutting down on alcohol as part that you do something embarrassing or something which you might regret. You ofa weight reducing diet, low or alcohol are far more susceptible to accidents, and may put yourself at risk of conu^ting free drinks may not be suitable as they HIV or other sexu^ly transmitted diseases. are often high in calories. Try slimline or diet soft drinks instead. • Hangovers are caused by the dehydrating effect of alcohol. There are no miracle cures, you have to wait until ail the alcohol has been removed from your system by yourliver and tt> rehydrate by drinking plenty of fluids. Altematively you could tiy drinking sensibly and therefore avoiding the hangover in tl» first place! Come and collect more • A single unit of alcohol contains up to 100 calories. It would take more than 45 info and stickers from minutes of strenuous exercise to bum up calmes from 2 pints of beer. Alcohol the stali in the Union has little nutritional value, and so heavy drinkers can be overweight yet still suffer from malnutrition. Foyer ali next week.

Wise up, don't drink up! Be Sensible Be Drinkwise

Some Facts k Figures ^on-Alcoholic Cocktails

Women & Drink Tliere are literally thousand of ncm-alcoholic drinks and cocktails to be tried. If llie guidelines for sensible drinking are lower for women than fm* men. Women have youVe got bored of tbe ubiquitous or- less water in theîr bodies than m^ whicb means that üie same amount of alcohol ange juice tben iry some of the^ for size! caises a higher Blood Alcohol Concentration in women than in men. Thus, if women were to drink tbe same as men, they would feel the effects of alcohol more quickly and for longer periods. Also, due to a difíeience in tbeir metabolism, women would Peach Lassi be moie susœpûble to Uver dam^e, as a resuit of beavy drinking, than men. 1 part liquid yogurt Women tend to be more sensible drink^ than m^, even taking into c(msidaation 1 part pe^ juice the lower guideline levels. 1 partbanana BIrad equal quantities of Uie above in- women (10%) are ncm-drinkers than men (7%). grédients. Sen^e in a wme glass with orange and banana. Only 8% of women drink above s^sible guidelines compared to 22% of men, although this figure doubles in the 18-24 age group to 16%.

Womoi are mcme likely to get a lift or a cab home r^er than drink and drive. Apple Meg 500ml Ai^le Juice The Maie Attitude 250ml Vanilla Ice Cream Ground Nutmeg Concern about style, health and fitness is «icouraging many moi U) eut down cm Úidr Double Crram alcohol a)nsumpti(Hi. It is estímated tibat 40% of men under 25 and a Üiird of under Blrad the ice-œam ligbúy before add- 3Ss are reducing tbeir total alcohol intake. Sensible drinkers are earoing an increasing ^ple juice and ateaspoon of nutmeg. ing]yjx>sitive image, as peq>le who often get drunk w^ vu^y and serve tq)ped with an HÉA survey. double Cream and a S|Htnkling of nutmeg.

Howevo*, a worrying 6% of men are stili drinking at dangaxMS levels of over 50 units per week. This may be reflected by the fact diat akohol-related deaths bave increased 19-fold since the early 60s. Tropic 1 part mango juice ïïhat about Sex? 2 parts orange juice 2 parts soda water Squeeze I^

Drink can help to reduce inhibitions and feelings of guilL Studies show that some women feel that tbey can relate to men more easily after drinking. They may be mcffe willing to initiate sex and suggest ways that they find sex more satisf^ng. Sahara Sting

Hie sobering fact, however, is that alcohol will reduce the body's sensitivity and 250ml ginger beer therefore miáke sex a satisfying experience. This is backed up by tbe fact thatmctfe 2 dashes of bitters problem drinkm than sensible drinkers express dissatisfaction with their sex lives. 1 dashof lime juice Mix the mgredients with ice and serve Thus the moral of tbe story is that sensible drinking can enhance your sex Ufe but go with a slice of firesh lime. too far and you and your partner will sufíer! Il ali gets too much.. People drink fw a variety of reasons. Tliey drink to be sociable, to œlebrate, because SADAS 0483579313 they want to conform, or to lift their spirits. Samaritans 04S3S05SS Ali this is fme as long as you are h^py with it. But, if you feel th^ you are continually drinking to cheer yourself up, get drunk every time something goes Nighäine 0483 32710/x4949 wrong, or drink to help you forget about or avoid ycHir problems, it may be time to address tbe reasons at the root of your drinking habits. Ahoholics Anonymous 071352 3001

If you feel that you need some help, OT you want advice about helping friends or Al-Anon 071403 0888 family overcome a drinking problem the foUowing contacts may be able to help. Student Counseüing Service 0483 259051 /x9051 11

Drama Soc Presents... Wanted ecture Theatre M was the setüng for the latest offeriiig from -ithe amazing troop that calls itself the Surrey University Musicians and Comedians Drama Society. By the final night, the cast had got the performance of Daniel Clucas' "Our Man" and Alan Ayckbom's appy to give their services free in return "Mother Figure" off to a T. The first of these two bijou playettes gave the actors an excellent opportunity for some thoughtful Hfor a few pints of beer and a platform live characterisation, and the end result, sensitively directed, was an in the Redgrave foyer in June as part of our amusing investigation into the functioning - and malfunction- ing - of the mind. Eliciting many a chuckle, it was nonetheless "Busker's Beerfest" thought-provoking and rather moving. Please contact Judith Lynch at the Redgrave Theatre After the interval, "Mother Figure" delighted the audience. Full on 0252 727000 asap. of clever little touches, and superbly acted to great comic effect by Carl, i^na and Corin, this is a deceptively sinister play. Superficially humorous, its hidden depths also probe the human mind: how it works, and how it deviates. Altogethera thoughtfully entertaining and enterprising evening h - after the dramatic riches of these last two terms I can' t wait to ave Ljou see what additional wealth next year's Drama Soc will bring!! -l:)al

Law Lord's Routine Brief

A Book Review

n The ClienL the fourth in bis series of legal suspense Ithrillers, John Grisham fashions an all-action, fast-paced tale revolving around a young child's witnessing of^, and participation in, a fat lawyer's suicide. Mark Sway, üie eleven-year-old Avai a D G in question, is told the whereabouts of a murdered US State Senator's corpse, which has been hidden by the indicted Mob, and is needed by the Attorney General's Office to make its case f PO m tllG ScPVGPLj watertighL The boy wimess thus becoraes hounded by the FBI for his Statement, and at the same time hunted down by the Mob for his silence. It falls upon the Shoulders of a Ione, principled 4 £1.50 lawyer, Reggie Love, to wage war on behalf of Mark in the face ...on of those darker, larger forces. This plot synopsis may sound familiar, for it is not for the first time that üie 39-year-old businessman-author has employed "the little guy" to battle it out against the powers that be. In üs Firm, for instance, the Mafia and the Feds are in pursuit of a freshly-hired attorney. In The Pélican Brief it is the tum of a coiporate giant and a corrupt président to hunt down a female GRADUATION DAY LUNCH law Student Now, in the light of The rhamher. Grisham's Friday 8th July 1994 "latest release" (this time the Ku Klux Klan stands in the way £10.95 per person of thejust-qualified lawyer), one wonders how long the extraor- dinary commercial success of his predictable fonnula may last. The content of Thp. riient is somewhat foreseeable, rendered Fan of Melon with in a style rather basic. Grisham's is a novel typically lacking Raspberry Coulis any interior monologue, complex character development, added detail and sub-plot - those classical literary devices Roast Lamb which lead to deeper insight. One snubbing critic, obviously served with vegetables & potatoes finding the book eminently putdowiiable, wrote of it being in or the style of ihe "American comic book." Even Grisham himself Poached Salmon admits that what he writes is not art, nor even serious literature: "My writing style is very simple." served with vegetables & potatoes or Pertiaps now is not the time to question the validity of the Seafood Salad commercial novel in contemporary literature. Maybe an analy- sis of such writing is best made by concentrating upon sales' statistics. I'm sure Grisham would agree. In America alone The Summer Fruits & Cream riient has sold some nhie million copies, proof in money tenns or at least that ihis is the work ofa man at the pinnacle of his genre: that of compulsive, superficial escapism. Ice Cream Bombe The Client by John Grisham, published by Arrow, is available, price £5.99, in the Campus Bookshop. Coffee Bookings now boing takon in tha union flonoral offico Alexander Hazell 12

The End or is it?

ell this marks the end of an era, GameSoc 1993-1994. What a great time it has been. This year saw a record intake of first Wyears (she's always been into intaking first years-P) [talk about the pot calling the kettle black-J] -you must excuse Pete, he's overcome with emotion at this, our last column. Well Laser Quest, and LRP have been two of our achievements so far - yes, we are going to have a T-shirt before the end of tenn before anyone asks! !(Yeah, end of term 2001-P)

The biggest achievement has been LRP and "Bar Room Brawl", our own event. But watch out, we haven't finished yet "Bar Room Brawl II" is set to be a stonker of a plot, co-written by Kellie and Pete (with ad-libs and cups of coffee by Mark). Back we go to the tiny village of Ratspip (remember Kellie, size isn't everything-P) - my sentiments Pete, just cos it's tiny doesn't mean that big things can't happen there! ! Kellie's gone to get her dinner so Tm bere with the computer ON MY OWN! ! Megalomania.. From my point of view Td just like to say "cheers" to everyone who's gotten involved in GameSoc this year. We couldn't have done any of it without you. Just hope you ali keep it up in the future.

Just a few points remaining before ihe Dragon Queen gets back (Have you ever wondered why she's called that?) Money. There are stili a few of you who haven't paid for BRBII yet. You know who you are! If you could get the money to me (P^) or Kellie A.S.A.P it would be appreciated. Also, if you are interested in the end of term Laser Quest event (and it's gonna be abiggy!) let US know. We're stili taking names for the MAGIC toumament, so if anyone is interested in playing or just leaming how the game Works get in touch.

Speaking of getting in touch, Kellie has a nice list of e-mail addresses for varìous LRP and Tabletop systems.

And remember diHì't put ali your ranking officers in one shuttle crafL

Well as Pete said earlier, thanx to everyone in GameSoc and thanx to the other members of the committee for their help and support throughout the year. Ali that's left is to say goodbye and good luck to the next committee. Hope you have as much fün as we have had, but watch out - TU be back! - with óie run down of what happened in BRBII. Before I go, I also have a list of the TTSNB (Things that shouid not be) - cult horror/sci fi LRP events for the next year.

The Dragon Queen, Paladin, Sparky and The truly remarkable and totally unsquidgy, squidgy Another Boring Societies Column: Wot No Pig! Phat Vibes Club s they used to say on the Big Breakfast, ust a short piece to round off our first full year. A *'Way've lorst arr pig!" Due to circum- JTo start with Vd better say 'Ta' to everyone stances beyond our control, Arts Cinema cannot who's helped us this year, especially crew and show 'The Hour of the Pig' next Wednesday, so Steve Herman. there will be NO film on Wednesday 15th June.

I hope that everyone who came to "God Made Me Funky" On Sunday at 6pm and Monday at 8pm we will be showing enjoyed themselves. Hopefully this is the first stage in the 'The Firm' (not a Cindy Crawford exercise fihn.) It stars Tom revamp of our lower bar nights (I say hopefully, 'cos at the Cruise as the legal boy-wonder who is lured to Memphis by a moment I don't know if everything is going to fil into place.) law fum promising large amounts of cash and more impor- We're hoping that next year will be quite special, we want to tanüy, a Mercedes. Behind the Ftrm's glossy facade, he fmds be able to book some exciting new bands and bring in some the shadow of the mob. The fihn also has outstanding perform- slightly différent music. ances from Gene Hackman and Holly Hunter. Tickets are £1.90 from the Trading Desk, or £2.00 if reserved with the House Officer. If anyone has any ideas about this, or anything else, then leave a note in the Jazz & Blues/ Phat Vibes pigeonhole in the Union. Altematively come along to a meeting on Wednesdays at Because we were unable to show 'The Assassin' we have an 6.15pm, somewhere in the Union, siarting again next term. exua fihn which will be shown on Wednesday of week 10 at 6pm and 9pm. It is One last thing don't forget Ents' and Phat Vibes' free band on the comedy 'Robin Sunday. This shouid be an enjoyable night with music from Hood: Men In Magic Pocket (quite worth seeing, l've been told) and ali the Tights.' Season ticket holders enter usuai stuff from Phat Vibes. free of charge, and guest tickets are avail- Ta for now. able from the Trading Desk, as usuai. Matt Tara for now,

Merlin 13

AT THE MOVIES With Pete 'n' Phil

Odeon, Epsom Road - Friday 10 June for 7 Days

Screen 1 : Screen 2 : FOUR WEDDINGS AND NO ESCAPE (15) A FUNERAL (15) ependable and under-rated Ray Liotta here stakes his Dclaim as an action hero with a slam-bam stunt-fesL Set in 2022, when prisons have been privatised and are being ^^he huge success of this film, both here and in the Stales, run by some very nasty men indeed (don't mention Tory X has proved that praise can be a problem. Under all the governments or Group Four), this movie happily steals from hype, this is nothing more than a nice little film which, under a number of genres, with Mr Liotta taking the blame for a other circumstances, would be more at home on television war crime and sentenced to Absolom - an island where than on the big screen. Consequently, with all the acclaim prisoners are just dumped and left to their own devices. heaped upon it, it's easy to expect too much and be disap- Once there, he gets involved with two warring factions - pointed, and so overlook its qualities - a good script, decent imaginatively called the Outsiders and the Insiders - and so acting from a very talented cast, and a director who manages the inevitable action/battle sequences ensue. Lots of famil- to get the best out of everyone. It's the romantic and comic iar faces (Lance Henriksen, Don Henderson) fight it out tale of people who meet at the various functions and, in among the jungle settings. It's all rubbish of course, but particular, Hugh Grant who falls for Andie MacDowell at quite well executed for all that. the first wedding. A lot of fun.

Fri/Mon-Thurs 2.00 5.30 8.15 Sat/Sun 3.10 Fri/Mon-Thurs 2.30 6.00 8.40 Sat/Sun 6.00 8.40 5.50 8.30 MY FATHER THE THE ADVENTURES OF HERO (PG)

HUCK FINN (PG) 7h? Still here? Is this a pom film for the under 12s or 1/someihing? '^his is a Disney production of Mark Twain's classic tale X of Huck and an escaped slave drifting down the Missis- sippi. It's pretty enjoyable stuff and even has Robbie Col- Sat/Sun at 1.30 3.45 üane and Jason Robards camping it up as a pair of con men.

Sat/Sun at 1.00 only Screen 3 : THE NAKED Screen 4 : THE CROW (18) GUN 33 1/3 - THE FINAL ''•"'he film thitt has gained infamy as a re.sult of the fatal INSULT (12) X on-set accident that cut off ihe promising career of Brandon Lee (whose father was the equally tragic Bruce eslie Nielsen's bumbling cop is dragged out of retire- Lee). Many action fans rated him higher than Van Damme [-iment to ensnare an escaped terrorist with a mother or Steven Seagal and even saw him as the natural successor fixation (the usually excellent Fred Ward). Some half-de- to Amie. Fiuingly this supernatural actioner is regarded as cent skits of popular movies (eg "The Untouchables", "Ju- his best movie, with Lee as a dead rock star who is resur- rassic Park", "Thelmaand Louise") are reasonably diverting, rected to take revenge on his murderers. but unless you like lots of jokes about bowels and genitalia then you won't find much here to laugh about. Even the Daily at 1.20 3.40 6.15 8.50 noisily destructive slapstick does nothing to stifle the yawns - hopefully the producers will now finely realise that this really has to be it for Frank Dreben. Enquiries/Credit Card bookings : Guildford 578017. Advance Box Office open 2pni - 7pm. Daily at 1.30 4.05 6.25 8.45 Student Discount available Mon-Thurs before 7pni (with NUS or ISIC card only). 14 :JO6 Spot ^

About Job Spot... Lots of Work DISCLAIMER

If you wish to advertise a vacancy on Secretarial staff, clerical staff, filing All students please note: the job de« this page which is suitable for students clerks and ofñce juniors needed f(X temp tails on this page are the only infor- please drop me a line at Bare Facts in work. Good rates of pay, hours to suit mation we have and the Students' the Students' Union. The service is free Call Tina at Blue Arrow on 33707 (Em- Union ;lccepts no responsibility for to advertisers. ployment Agency). the validity of jobs detailed on this page. It is up to each individual to Urgent - Cash! Vacation Work check out the validity of each job when applying. We would he inter- Kleeneze -1 Westwood Court, Hillcrest ested to know if any jobs turn out to £3.50/hour stuffing envelopes in the he bogus so that we can ensure the Mailceting and Communications Office Road, Guildford. Ideal opportunity to work full or part-time during the summer company is not advertised again on (bottom floor of Senate opposite Secu- this page. Thank you. rity) for approx 4 days, Monday to Thurs- vacation or while searching for a permanent position. Kleeneze pic is an estab- day (13 -16 June). Call Pat Salter on ext F P Packaging Machinery Ltd 3172 or call in to see her asap. lished company distributing products to households by using a proven catalogue sales operation. VAC: Area managers, Student required to work at Guildford Campus Tours team leader and local distributors re- based company for approximately 3 quired locally and throughout the coun- months during the summer. Must have Are you still here after the end of tenn? try. Commission and monthly bonuses good working knowledge of AUTOCAD On Monday 4th and Tuesday 5th July we paid on sales turnover. National average and/or database programmes. Our of- need students to do tours of campus in the sales are £1 per catalogue delivered. fices are situated within a few minutes afternoon for £4.50/hour. Contact either DIS: Must be hard wortdng, energetic, walk of the town centre and the mainline Pat Salter ext 3172 or Siona Mackel- organised, have good conununications station and there is also easy access to the worth on ext 3171 or call in to the Mar- skills and be trustworthy. Immediate University. keting and Communications Office, start. ground floor of Senate (opposite Secu- For further information please contact rity). Phone Richard Hodgson on 0483 578399 Roy Wicks or Neil Sinden atF P Packag- or visit the Kleeneze information desk in ing Machinery Limited, Walnut Tree Students/Temps required the Union building on Friday 10th June Close, Guildford or telephone 32811. between 12pm and 2pm, opposite the For very interesting sales and quotation Endsleigh Bureau. Lots of Work work. Applicants must be 18-26, smart and articulate and enjoy travelling. Playleaders Wanted Catering assistants, kitchen porters, £250f per week. Call Simon on 0483 chefs and waiting staff needed for temp 453999. For Campus Playscheme during August work. Good rates of pay, hours to suit." and first week of September. Applica- Call MinaatBlue Arrow on 33707 (Em- Just right for summer tion forms avmlable from outside Wel- ployment Agency). fare Office, Students' Union. Enquiries Go fishing, take a hike, see a movie, have to Liz Thompson on 0483 259263 or ext Part Time Vacancies fun! Work when you want and build 9263. career skills selling Cuto. Training pro- We require smart, enthusiastic people to vided. Phone 0628 580320 on weekdays Exciting Career Opportunity interview local home owners, full train- between 9ain and 5pm. in Arts Administration ing given, excellent hourly rates (£4/hour) plus 1% commission. 5.30pm Reed Employment There may be a one year placement avail- - 8.30pm and/or Saturday 9am-1pm. able with Boothferry Borough Council... Phone Eric Barnes 0483 894489. Typing and other office skills? Experi- get experience in: ence of waiting tables? Want some tem- Promoting Professional Events Urgent Vacancies porary woric? Call Katie Pink at Reed Developing Community Initiatives Employment on 300428 or call in to 64 Local Government Confident students wanted by advertis- High Street, Guildford. ing company for part-time work outdoors If you are intersted send your CV direct Saturdays and holidays. Approx E^m extra cash in your spare time to Mr W Jackson, Assistant Chief Officer £7.50/hour basic. (Leisure and Admin), Boothferry Bor- High rates of pay offered, for just a few ough Council, Goole, North Humber- Send name, address and 2 loose stamps hours work distributing leaflets around shide DN14 5BG, or contact Bill Jackson to Media Boulevard, 120 Chessington your campus. Interested??? Then phone on 0405 765141 ext2141 for an informal Road, Epsom, Surrey KT19 9UZ. us... 081 776 8697. chaL Deadline: 6th June 1994 0 P P 0 R N Y

We are lookin^ for a STUDENT PROJECT MANAGER •IIGHLY motivatd fina Salary c. £13,000 The Student Enterprise Team is year stuilent or recent ^railuate expanding to include three posts: Student Project Manager (team to undertake a chalbp^ leader), Student Initiatives Officer and ob with the University Student Training Officer. The Team will be responsible for Student Enterprise Team, promoting teaching and learning activity which empowers students to you mkretm^ that develop personal transferabte skills and for building partnerships between students, staff and public and private none of ne m as smart as ali of usorganisations, . can show hi^h i[uality personal skills, This is a unique opportunity to support student-Ied change in Higher self-motivation, Education working locally and at responsibility, regional and national levels. Applications for the post of Student enthusiasm ani Project Manager should be in the form of a covering letter and CV and nitiative >(w e iion't ask much!)../ . should reach Dr. Graham Rawlinson, Enterprise Director, Level 1, Senate then seize this opportunity House, by 3pm Friday 24 June.

For further information, including a /^kl full job description, please contact Matthew D'Arcy, Student Project Manager, room 2, Hut 10 (tei: M' 259920, Ext. 9920). I tel. Closing date: 24 June 1994. Interview dates: 4 or 5 July 1994. ioy di m fi É à • Starting date: ASAP after 5 July 1994. kMUik if you can torri L you can do A D Y N 0 W I 16

M M.S. Have you been shopping Have you heard Ted's amazing ^^«^uil^d V fended it off H Becky. We're getting wet on yet? I can hardly wait.... piccolo version of House of the with his piccolo. Sunday... WOWni Rising Sun in E flat major? n To my little sexbomb - nice Q Deborah the prophetess is my n Jonny M - Remember, you will dress, even nicer underwear!!! only nave 2 hours, not o weeks, Q So you want me to sort out your (saw even more of it Saturday friend. for Bridge Engineering (his tackle - Fishing or Football. night!!!) time! - SeimreslT n Still together? Good.xxDIMxx Pinkie Bowletta, Good Luck in Q Stroker - What hapjpened to my your exams. I'll be thinking of Q Chops du Bunnee, I love you Q Amigo Soc is coming to a club fireman's liA home? 1/2 pint you. All my love. Finance Per- now and always. Bluey xxxx near you. son xxx. Q Unionwatch presents Buogle Q Margery Lambton's special n To everyone who was there for playing Housey Housey. Next Q Ken G's soiled labcoat caught skills have been put to the test on me when I needed them thanks, game: Week 10! fire but Betty B rushed to his aid Evan Wilson's encrusted skid love Rich. marked grundles. with her maraccas akimbo. Q Jim (Security) Have you not read Et Strawberry mysignsyet? l'm waiting.... n Trev nicked the satellite dish Q Tory: Have you had a good weekend????? Q Fer^e. wh^ was the real reason from 49 Guildford Pari: Avenue behind that strange Ump you ac- n "Totheloveofmylife-Anytime and used it as a wok. you need a friend, I will be bere. Q I'm really going to miss you quired in Grimsby? Even if you're miJes away, your Miss Smiley. Lots and lots of Q Bungle - Four weeks to experi- Q 6 months today you sexy beasi! dreamloving hero is always ence the Guinness Challenge or love Mr HISBDTBWTHY- near." else the ftiU house will be re- OLO. Q Ash in my drink! Sali in the pep- vealed. n There are lots of Levis but only per. and I don't like wine! love n Rog, Beds too big without you. ya. Marky Marik! from Anne g 1 can't wait for the loth. Q There's a pisshead whose mem- one 501's AND that's JOES bird. B.O.A.W ory's too clear, Who's n^ged S Findus crispy hedgehog: hello* for a poem since last year. Boyd stranger, love FCP n Smiley C - You can be my Cin- n MMMM....Richard John is his name. And fartii^'s his Thomas William!!!! derella. Congratulations OD fin- game, His stench is too loxic to I don't suppose there's any ishing your exams • Mr 6X bear. n Mitchelstown, for three counties chance of an orgasm? n Giare - Don't be sad, Don't be cheese spread, Nestle, forbiscuit Ö What do you gel if you cross a and raisin yorides, Hannes, for n Did it hurt... when you feU from blue, Remember, God creaied ship's sail, a wet weekend in heaven. C PMA lads just for you. the free fnut 'n' veg, and plastic Scarborough and a liver sausage bags, Guinness, for Guinness. Q It'sAndersen'sbirthday-sobuy Q Sarah L 4 Lucy M. Thanks for sandwich? Answer: Evan Wil- The Red Pedals aka 'The Scout him a beer or give him a Uss. aD your help. Have a great sum- son's Soiled underpants. and Guide Club" mer! C. Q Beast: good luck. love 'n' hugs, n Trev was caught smoking pot n To the wolf with the red rose Beauty. H To the Brickies in Crew: Good behind the pillar box. Will you offer me your sexy H On heat... Luck in the Exams. Q Baldy B • A shiney happy body?? Heaven can or^ wait till the 9th June, can you ?? Love???????? slaphead who's infatuated witn Q James - happy biithday, loads of n Attention T: I want more!!! CMP. n Dineth, get rid of your damn love Caroline. alarm. F Q Britannia drinkers - Hope the T- Q M.S.E. 1st year, Let's hope all Q Is your father a thief... then who Shirt was worth it! From your that "slavish" work pays off!!!! n CJ, hope you had a great birth- stole tbe stars out of the skies and Tetley hating little mascot. Vinny. day on Wednesday! ! llianks for put them in your eyes? C Q June got her T&D tickets from being aiDund when I need you Q Help! l've lost mv autographed most!!! Mx n Lawn omament - cute or what! Nina and Frederick album Trev s bucket shop between Grrrr HMV and Lakeland Plastics. n Chatshetí addendum ~ upcom- fl somewhere in Union House and ing this term -- four weddings n J -1 hope you Uked Tigger - C H The syndicate - I've been rum- 1 reckon that Racheì's got iL and at least eight baptisms! bled! She's my one love, but n GiU -1 love you. Niels BARRY n Evan Wilson' jockstrap got I'm siKh an onlinaiy (Indi^) Q Louise, (hank you forthebest six Stevens xxx caught in the revolving doois at Joe, such is the rhythm of life. - months of my life. Good luck Q To Fred, the most beautiful girl Tesco's and left a nasty smear on C Steigers. with your exams. Love Stephen in the world, with love on your the deliciUessen counter. bifthday.D. n The BT man who's such a high n To the poor soul who thinks CJ n Happy Birthday tree borse. flyer, he's swooping down your is "a gorgeous thing" : Go & gel Q Scan my handcuffs anytime! Love torever, Hairbiusher xxx. telephone wire! your eyesight sorted mate! Et Do you lie on your stomach at Q Ken rolled up his trousers, took THCx n The herd said, "Get Knotted." night?... do you mind if I do? C And the people said, "Amen!" off his hearing aid and abseiled n Ta loads everyone for a SPOT out of (he latoratory to escape ON birthday. But next Sunday Et Nexus 21 • have you re^hed n Trev Mts his from the Univer- the gruesome clutches of PC and will be even better!!! Huggles puberty yet? You'll have to wait sity'stddie the Candyman. George. Michael a few more years, I guess. Now Q To the headboard banging, hear this alloadboy... n MJS: Does your promise by the n C0LIN:happy 6-Month-Ver- woman-macnet stealing troUop. lake still stand???? Et Recipe for lifetime cookie: Revenge wul be sweet. sary.Love? ^ Agnus, Do you prefer a friendly Times Square December 3lsl n Alison Danks - 'Could this be 1999, midnight. n To the two great friends that car- play with ourselves or a fierce ried me home andput me to bed! and inopportune moment to say battle with opposition? I love you? n Do you want to "do" breakfast... Thanks! Half pjnt the Tetley shall I give you a nudge or a hater. Q SJ's 60th biithday celebrations H Three amigos, what are you go- ring?C tumed into a fiasco when Tim, ing to do to wear the sisterhood n Tim, Had any more mysterious Fletch and Prof K bared their out ?? EI Alcuin. who's your latest vice? letters recently???? buttocks, snuffed out the candles and sat on the cake!! Q Mathew. how is palmola Et Men of the world beware, n Mr HISBDTBWTHYOL- Emmsie sex goddess is on over- OirVJBJÌTMMMMP? "I love (pamela) doing?. F n To everyone that knows me, drive!!! yoursmile!" Smiley Good luck on your exams. F n Teseo Tasmind? ti Happy 7 months Lu.luvR. n Let the music lift you up! n Jiffy Jayne, lets hope that the a ToWiçglyWonH:Wiggle,Wig- n Jeanie-Babs! Cairn down, Jack. H Mr HISBDTBWTHYOLO, mint are bigger than the fruity, gle, Wiggle! Jiffy mate. Remember it Mark? love Anne You're going to have to go n On a hot summer night, would through an identity crisis next n Trev lured the Dniveisity cor- you offer your throat to the wolf Q Johnnie R: do you mind not eat- week. Smiley. niorant into the Senate House with the red roses... ing whilst I smoke? Fag Ash Lil. 17

Notices AGMs Parachuting Annual Union Handbook Ballroom Dancing Society AGM - Wednesday 15th June at 7.30pm in There will be a first-time jump course on The handbook for the 1994/95 session is TBI8. To be followed by the lesson as the weekend of Saturday 25th June. Any- going to be a bit slim this year. Why I normal. one interested please leave your naine hear you cry ! Because V ve only had two entries in! Where are you all? TTiereare with the information in the parachute Gamesoc AGM - Sunday of week 7 (12 club pigeon hole. more than two clubs and societies out there. This is your chance to attract new June) at 2pm in LTB. first year members prior to the Societies Alternative Prospectus Fayre in Intro Week. Please submit some Waterpolo AGM - Thursday 16lh June at articles. Thanks. 7pm in the Nelson Mandela Room. Would ail course reps, (x anyone who is interested, write an article about their Sub-Aqua AGM - Thiffsday 16th June academic course for the Altemative Pro- Degree Conferment (week 8) at 6.30pm in TB18. spectus as soon as possible to enable us Ceremonies • 8th July 1994 to get it fmished before the end of term. Ninjutsu AGM - Wednesday 15th June Will any student wishing to participate in (week 8) at 5.30pm in TB lOa. National Bike Week the Degree Ceremonies and who has not yet returned the reply to the Registry, Civ Soc AGM - Wednesday 15th June at please do so as soon as posssible. 11-19 June. Anyone interested in help- 1pm in 5AA19. ing to organise an event during this week please contact Calum via the Greenpeace MechEng Soc AGM on Wednesday 15th pigeonhole. June at 1pm in BC20 conference room. Lacrosse AGM - Wednesday week 9 at Union Card 1.30pm. Venue TB A.

Christine Germ?, LIS -1 have got your Union card. Come to Blackwater 0 room 9 in Surrey Court. EGMs

Brett Farmery, Surrey Court Bar Manager Ladies Rugby EGM - Friday 10th June at 6pm in Chancellors. Accidentally Borrowed ast Friday (3rd June, the day of the Colours Ball) between Students Union L.i l lam and 7pm a chunky Marin/Ammaco AIV 2 oversized polished aluminium mountain bike was accidentally borrowed from the railings outside the bookshop on campus. Should anyone subsequently now have such a distinctive bike or recall seeing who removed it, I would like to know! Any information Quick Copying Service from the hundreds of people walking that route will be appreciated and specific infonnation leading to its recovery will be rewarded with a crisp fifty quid note. Offset Printing and Binding Call Steve Farrand on tel 570434.

CREDITS All binding materials available for sale, including covers, Acetates, Combs (spirals), Rachel Davison - Editor Standard and Super Copier paper. Chris Pye - Music Mania Rob Jackson - Music Reviews Located Dean Swift - Rag-Time Julia Watts - Culture Shock Julie Ferguson & Mark Lawson- Typists by entrance to Chancellor's Restaurant Alexander Hazeli - Book Reviews Cara McMulIen & Sarah King - Proofreaders For Further Information Kevin Whibley Photographers Phone - Mike Ramm - on 3267 Matt D'Arcy & Enterprise Campusport Who'll be pleased to help you Christian Union • Stuffers Mike Ramm - Printer Tel: 0483 259223

and anyone else Tve forgotten! Union House, Guildford, Surrey. GU2 5XH Money. money. money... Rogue*s Gallery Last week was fhe Annual Rae Cheoue Giving This is Convict number 3: Ceremony. If you didn't attend, you missed Simon Burrows. This Is the the free coffee and biscuits. person that is responsible for As we were supposed to be smarf and this week's wordsearch. He respectable, it was su££ested that we ail hasn't iot into the spirit of wear our Raâ TShirts, as you can see from Rogue's Gallery. as he volunteered his sports card the Photo. Photo. ÛÛPS!... We would like to apolofiise for the Vou can just about make out jack of officiai invitations that went out. This that bis eyes are closed on the is Raâ original On behâlf of al! the charities that attended. thanks to ail those Involved last year. Good Last Week*s Enfríes one! Kla Trumao. Richard Punxk. John Hudson and are last week's wordsearch winner with their iolnt entry. The deHberatety hidden words were: This Is a hidden message: Hello to Me! rCENSORED) Dodd. cord. dre¿s. bar. vat. sir. mad bus. Zeus. neat. rai. happy, quid. Amíisa and StarTrek. Our winners found sooo many words (more than last week'sJ. we were toM not to prtnf them. Mark Lawson and Simon Burrows also found lots ot hidden words. Raâ editorial by Admirai Gandalf. Wordsearch partb^ by Ensiân Simon Burrows. Special Effects by MIsterel. THe's Cbrainldead. Jim.} This week's wordsearch is in Klinâon. Capital lettersQ 1 0 P a D h c u y q a D q u n are Pronounced with emphasis. K n i g h t s 0 f N i •f D H u g Kfíntfon EncBsb Pronouciation g G D j 1 P e t a Q U i D q Z g nuqDaq yuch Dapol Where'sthechxcyNûûKHlakyoo 0 X 0 t 1 h I n g a n I n n U N tlhlntfan Klin£on tlinân nuqneH Heik) nook^CKH m e H c D 0 0 0 h P b e j 1 h a HadIbaH Animal KHM-bakh a b a h I t t e 0 1 H I S 1 a H Qapla Success kkhat^ petaQ •expietiven pe-TAKH j j g e j 0 u 0 b a a S n G t Hutefif) •expletiven KHU-te£b P beHom Cirf be^tHom Q a i c H u g M e n D G n e L in teranflan Earthlinfi tenn-iVi chech Drunk chech a y m h a d h 0 N k I d e e P u khish^H HISlaH Ves G b fihobe No ¿ho«E g I A D a m m H e e j u m P DaHJIDII Ray Now dakhyH>IL e I w u Q e t e r a n a n Q binep VouUe biÊF J g jlyaibe ( do not understand ii-VAJ^» V e r m G u n t K 0 H u t e g h ilwuQ lhaveaheadacbe ü-WOOKH tu£h Hurryup too£h G a n d e 1 b r G t A n 1 m Q X DoHa Damn doKHA maiQa WeUDone maM(KHA L 0 G k s 6 r 1 1 1 » S 1 m G n 'papniwi 019nb3(p ds e (îm p9(un)aj 3q un $914113 *tW9Uii)| 111 9q negs asuepucasaiK» w *3UtlPB3p » h 1 P P Y S G r r y F G r T h e auies 3)ép 9Uis<^ "jatua oi (lunsiuom aqi rp^ uaâ joj aia|dUKO 01 Meii i.iK>p mv^ *atKMU3Aa pumauiS o uaoo S| qoieaspjom smx m 1 S H t a k e L a s t W e E k

•»»TOumblyDraw! Pfl>rvváñna use you, any morel — 19

MSTHI Ball Update Canoe Club

^ very year the MSTHI department, (reœntly renamed the Department of Manage- River Sports Day Training Eiment Studies - DOMS), organises one of the most prestigious events in the University social calendar. TTie Charity Dinner Dance, held at a top London hotel after '^he canoe club is holding a training Christmas, raises around £10,000 for charity each year. X session for ali those who want to bave a go at paddling a kayak before As part of the pre-event fund raising activities, the 28th Charity Dinner Dance river sports day. If you are interested, Committee has arranged a sponsored FUN RUN. To be held on Sunday 19th of June, come along on Wednesday 15th June the run will start at 11am by Senate steps and take place around the University area. at Ipm. Meet inside the Union. You Sponsor forms and information are available by pigeon holes in AZ18. There is a £1 will need a change of clothes and foot- entry fee on the day - which will contribute toward several prizes. wear that you don't mind gettìng wet.

A BBQ will be held after the run, near the Lake. To refresh those tired limbs, a FREE See you there. beer will be given to all runners! A good time will be had by all, so come along and join in the fun. Don't forget to wear something...whacky! See you on Sunday week 8. Tim Mitchell Canoe Club Recruitment Officer Robert Nicholls Advertising and PR Co-ordinator, 28th Charity Dinner Dance River Sports Day Reminder! Lacrosse

T\oiv'tfoiÄet tomuiu yoitr ctwnpfeted eoüy forms for RIVER SPORTS DAY on acrosse practices will begin again in Liwee k 8 - Wednesdays at 1.30pm op- JLP W^dDççday 22n0 Jane, We can prooiîso you lo^ of fun and maybe the oddposit e the PATS building. Would every- iJtìdòqj^I li^ Kdiy, îhe vice Chancelïoi's wife has MntHy agreed to be our Guest one please make an effort to turn up. We oJTHoßöür âftd Otàmi lladxiu Country & Landsc^ Officer frooi the GuUdforû have a tournament on 26th June at Bocot)^ Council wüi iiso be comis^ aiong lo preseni some prizx». Don't miss ontSouthampton . A date for your diaries if Oft ifâs cm^ evefti * yoo wonH be dis^panied! I you're not going to Glastonbury. Please AppJiCàtitm fi>nft& Camposport or Artbitf de OiaCl i» me Union Sports let me know. Office. It's A Knockout - Sunday 19th June 1994 Andrea

Interest is rising and the date is approaching - please remember everyone is welcome and everyone can enjoy themselves. The event will be lots of fun in a gentle 'wet Sports Standing sponge' sort of way! No one has to run a mile, but you do have to laugh, and food, drink and lots of silly games are on tap! Meeting Teams can be entered right up until 1.30 p.m. on the day but I would relax if more forms come in beforehand. So please get up, grab your friends and come down for a couple of hours enjoyment before term finishes and we all go home! This Monday, 13th June in For further details or to get an entry form, phone David at the Campusport Centre on LTE at 6pm. AU sports club Extn. 9298. DON'T DELAY - ENTER YOUR TEAM TODAY!! conimittees are requested to attend. Latin American Night - Monday 13th June 7-8.30pm

A fun workshop for everyone, complete beginners and keen dancers, with top class Parachuting teacher, ANNA CHAN. Anna is an experienced Latin American dancer and teacher who met some of you at the I.D. Ballroom in the Autumn and Spring terms. This Monday night session is a chance to try something completely new, or to polish The experience of a lifetime! up your style. Birol before Monday evening, if you can, to ensure a place. Only £1.50 for Student DOSH (£2.00 without) and £2.00 or £2.50 for staff. ''•''his is your chance to skydive at a J. much reduced price: join our first time jump course on 25th and 26th June. ID Tennis Tournament Croquet Workshop For more infomnation and details of a meeting, please look in the Parachute Wednesday 15th June : 2-5pm roquet is a game of lateral thinking, Club pigeon bole. Ccunning and some skill. Attention All Tennis Enthusiasts!! Come along to the CROQUET WORK- SHOP (only £1.50 with a DOSH card) on Wednesday 15th June, 1.00 - 2.30 p.m. Well Done ou will be pleased to hear that Sarah under the careful guidance of Tony To Ali The New Yfrom the Varsity Tennis Oub will be Mrozinski, Croquet Association coach. Tram potine Coaches!! running the I.D. Tennis Tournament. Ali standards of player are welcome, es- All you need to do boys, is find yourself pecially beginners. a girl (or vice versa) - and girls, if you any congratulations to Kather- can't find that elusive boy, ¿hen another Mine Edney, Lynsey Coles, So- female will do! You might be unaware that the Univer- phie Constable, Kirstie Martin, Lara When you've done that - go and book in sity owns one of the finesi croquet lawns Owen, Daniel Sussex, Dave Targett with your Departmental Sports Rep. in the South of England, which has been and Claire Westbrook, who have ali Hope to see as many of you as possible prepared and maintained by our own just qualified for the BTF Coaches on Wednesday. grounds staff. DON'T BESHY-COME Award. ALONG AND HAVE A CiO! (Bare

The 1994 Colours Ball

^or those of you who didn't go to this prestigious event at Sandown Park, you missed a treat! The F evening began with a crowd of mainly sports enthusiasts piling into six coaches for the (not very sober for some) drive to Sandown Park.

A Bucks Fizz reception was followed by a noisy four-course meal - noisy since the table plans were so arranged thatdifferent sports clubs and teams were seated together around the room. The men's rugby club at one end of the room seemed at one point to be in serious competition with the sub-aqua club as to who could sing the rowdiest songs. Tbe emphasis for the e evening was definitely on having fun! •55 As Sports Officer Elect, Jackie McGuire was the evening's MC, introducing the speeches by Arthur De-Graft, the current Sports Officer and the reply by the Vice Chancellor, Professor An- I thony Kelly. The si^eches were followed by the presentation of the University Colours, awards and trophies.

S Students from most of the sports clubs received either full or half colours, and a University Cap was awarded to Stewart Sub-Aqua • Bulmer's Cup and Coors Trophy Winners Husband (football), Mike Cox (golf), Alison West (netball), tS Andrew Luckman (rifle), Cameron McMaster (squash), and "Too Dam Hot", who featured at aLower Bar Cocktail evening Stanislaw Murzynowski (volleyball). Courage Gold Awards towards the end of last term, together with DJ Chris Haslam, I went to Mike Cox, Rohan Miller, John Haiper and Andrew provided the evening's entertainment. Many students got into Luckman. Jonathan Davies received the Hari Sutherland Cup the swing of things by joining in with the limbo dancing, no and Loma Preston received the Sue Jupe Trophy. Sub-Aqua doubt helped along by several drinks to loosen up the old limbs. Club were awarded both the Bulmer's Cup and the Coors Standing on the open-air balcony looking out over the deserted Trophy. Men's Rugby Club won the Sussex Bitter Trophy. race course was a popular pastime for those who were too hot The Guildford Automatics Trophy went to Boat Club and the to dance. Caroline Newman Trophy was awarded to Golf Qub. Alison West and Andrew Luclinan won the University of Surrey Trophy and the Leggett Trophy respectively, and finally, Omar Everyone appeared to have a good time, dancing until 2am, Iqbal received the Warden of Colours Trophy. when it was time to pile back into the coaches for the drive back < to campus, a much quieter drive since most people w^ too drunk to be noisy!

Finally thanks should go to all those who helped to make the evening such a great success including the Vice-Chancellor Prof Anthony Kelly, Rob Hutchinson and Terry Vick for ob- taining the raffle prizes, members of the Sports Exec, Nairn Salter, Sandra, Rob Alton, Stewart Husband, Hari Sutiherland and anyone else Arthur forgot to mention.

If anyone missed the official photos in the Union foyer on Monday, copies can be obtained from Arthur's office.

Definitely worth going to next year.

Rachel Davison

Men *s Rugby • Sussex Bitter Trophy Winners ^Printed by iMil^ i^gmm - Wiion iPnnter