^ke Onlif /SJe/vsUttez oj the iei rre jZaclede cHonors (Zolle^e '6.J. goes great toith a bora! of the Steio' Volume 5 Mid October I know the title of this article it's just because I was bom a Trek- pean country like England where Weather channel; CNN, the isn't very revealing but I ker and reruns of "The Next Gen­ EVERYONE knows that news news channel; C-SPAN, the bor­ didn't want to reveal to every- eration" keep getting preempted about the royal family is just tab­ ing channel, AND NOW OJN, the or played any­ loid junk) Living in a democracy, tabloid channel. I think the cable where from 30 I would hope that if only 33% of companies missed out on a gold minutes to 2 hours people want to see the stupid trial, mine on this one. Oh well, better late because of then the 67%(yes I rounded up) luck next time. (THERE BET­ "Dateline NBC" would win and they wouldn't TER NOT BE A NEXT TIME) updates on the show a lick. At the very least, This has been more than my min­ stupidest, most ri­ the right thing to do would utes worth. Until later, diculous trial in all O.J., all the time have been to let only 33% of the Eric MiNuTe American history. channels cover it. For Christ's coming soon to For those of you sake, the President's who think that State of the Union CENCOM Cable I'm just saying all Address doesn't get of this because that kind of coverage Its just wrong. I'm white and I and if he [sorry no fe­ one that I am indeed writing about didn't like the verdict, YOU'RE male presidents yet:( (in an admittedly round about WRONG!!! I flat out wouldn't ] decided to talk for way) the O. J. Simpson thingy. give a good God damn if they did 9 months, he'd be What in the hell is the deal? It anything from pay him 3 million impeached on the has been more than a week dollars for his troubles to hanging second day. Person- since the damn verdict was him from the nearest tree. The ally, I think they handed down and still the news point is that for every American should have taken reports continue. who was glued to their television advantage of this op­ "Today O. J. Simpson brushes set for every new word on the portunity to start an­ his teeth as a free man for the first case, there were at least 2 people other cable channel. time in 9 months!!!" who couldn't care less, (if i'm I think it would fit OK! ALLRIGHT! THAT'S wrong about this, I will be mak­ right in. You have the ENOUGH!!! I don't know maybe ing plans to move to some Euro­ THE KINGDOM OF SUCK • HIL SIDE • MILITANT LEFTY • ROSES & THORNS • NIMBLEY • IN A PERFECT WORLD •IIIIIII <0> In a Perfect World... In a perfect world I would Duke's next running mate re­ dict against lies, deception In a perfect world Nicole not feel s o confused by the ally find the glove like he and poor police work. Be­ Brown-Simpson would still reading of the O.J. Simpson said he did? Suppose he did. fore we get up in arms, let's be visiting her friend verdict. The first question asked pause and reflect on the fact Ronald Goldman at the res­ In a perfect world we should be: did the policeact that there are many guilty taurant he worked at. In a would be able to keep an in good conscious? Maybe people in prison. And they perfect world.... open-mind about circum­ this case wasn't about a were incarcerated by a jus­ stances until we get a full un­ white cop trying to frame a tice system that worked derstanding of what hap­ black man who was married within the framework es­ VhlttmAn pened, but, alas, we cannot. to a white woman. Me thinks tablished by the Constitu­ I am writing this on Tues­ that the jury pondered the tion. If we are honest with The Management here at day afternoon about 4-5 fact that Van Adder and ourselves, can we say that Brain Stew would like to thank the Mattman for royally screw­ hours after the verdict was Fuhrman entered O.J.'s es­ we believe beyond a rea­ ing the O.J. Free policy that has read, so perhaps new "evi­ tate because the detectives sonable doubt that the state stood here in the newsroom for dence" will come to light be­ were sure that the spouse did did its best job? If the po­ the length of the trial. But after tween the time of this writ­ it. The detectives asserted lice and prosecutors did our initial anger, we realized that ing and the time it is pub­ that they did it to see if the such a wonderful job then their is no better time for con­ tributors to The Stew to com­ lished in the Stew. I said that convicted wife beater was why is there no one in ment, criticize , and/or bitch I am confused earlier, well I okay. Acquaintances of the prison for killing Mr. about something than after it has am also hurt. My head is just victims are always the first Goldman and Ms. Brown- already been concluded. screaming with mixed emo­ suspect, and for the detec­ Simpson? Could it be that As far as our take on the O.J. tions. Part of my confusion tives to say otherwise in this the police screwed up and trial we feel that the twelve people who's power it was to stems from the fact that race case was a lie. It was as big allowed someone to get make that decision decided. The seemed to have played a part a bold face lie as O.J.clai m­ away with murder because jury were the people empowered in this historical event, but I ing to have been playinggolf of ineptitude and corrup­ to make that decision and since wonder who really brought it at 10 p.m. the night of June tion. One way or another they were on hand for the whole up first. Did Johnnie 14,1994. I think the jury was someone did those two schebang it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Cochran, Jr. play the race looking at the screwed up po­ people and that person or It seems to us that he should card first by bringing the lice force as being thecrim i­ persons will not have to an­ be sentenced to a little time just Fuhrman tapes to light, or did nal. Yes, race became in­ swer for it on this earth. for beating his wife for the en­ Mark Fuhrman do it by be­ jected into this case, but In a perfect world the tirety of their marriage. Love ing the poster child of a wrongly. If you want one police would not do such taps don't cause bruising. The only person that is irrefutably White Supremacist Move­ more opinion, I think O.J. sloppy police work. guilty of anything in this case is ment as he seems to be? Simpson is not guilty be­ In a perfect world the Johnnie Cochran, who perverted What if Fuhrman was not a cause the jury of 9 women police would not look so a murder trial into a political racist, would the verdict have and 3 mensaid so, but he did bad in such a supposed statement...but it worked. Oh, been any different? NO, be­ do it. I think that the police open-and-shut case. and we're real happy the O.J. that you can get only from cause the LAPD allowed force was so anxious to con­ In a perfect world the Valencia Oranges is still gonna someone to get away with vict Mr. Simpson that they police would not try to be available to all who enjoy it. murder. But it is difficult to took liberties to insure it. make someone look guilty say to what extent racism This was nota verdictjust whether the suspect is in­ swayed the case. Did David against racism. It was a ver­ deed guilty or not. IIIIIIII Upon arrival at the world pale at its complexity. The renowned Pierre Laclede Park­ scene before me is a giant earth ing Lot complete with a make­ crater waiting to swallow tires, shift race track, hurdles, and or to engulf unfortunate bicy­ jumping pit. I prepare my clists. With this titanic crate sports attire (2-year-old rubber sprawled before me, I take three worn sneakers and gargantuan big breaths—one, two, three...Hurdling into the air a Okay, enough with the OJ. I you this, what in the world is oversized T-shirt (size XXXL). loud Whomp, Whomp ema­ will tell you one thing. This wrong with "Light in the Attic" Not to be out done, I quickly put on my dark tinted shades, nates from my shoes. And in country has decided to all of a (by S.Silverstein - who I think is and trot into my starting posi­ my mind, I hear Bob Costas sudden be overwhelmed and cen­ awesome) and "Peter Rabbit." I intoning "John Macke contin- tered on OJ. I say - sorry for my find it repulsive that there are tion. Gulping down a swig of blatantness - but who gifes? I parents out there who would even sure don't.