ISSUE #37 This Here... “...not here to fuck spiders.” (C Blanchett*)

back (© Chuck Connor)). OK, so I lied a little, since I will EGOTORIAL fess up that there’s a deliberate excess of namechecks in this here column so far (which of course you all noticed already) GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS PAST because that’s one way of teasing responses out of the Why, yes, it is only three weeks since #36 bounced from readership, as well as (from my viewpoint anyway) some of your mailboxes due to excessive size (oo-er missus acknowledging the Good and Twue without whom this fish- ect) or, if you were R Graeme Cameron, got lost in a wrap wouldn’t be anywhere near as decent. backwater email address which has been superseded by all OK, now I’ll really get to the sub-heading topic. sorts of newer ones within domains we’ve actually heard of. It’s going to be inevitable that, given the cautious suspension As I write these initial words on the first full day of or outright prohibition of social activities usual to the season, Hanukkah, I’m just a week’s work away from my holiday we’re going to end up reminiscing, if only to ourselves, break, which this year will go from the last day of Hanukkah about past years when it was observably less shit, although until the 29th. I mentioned to there will no doubt be phallic ice footy correspondent Dave lolly events where a screenful of Hodson that I’d got a memo the inebriated will attempt to from the Department of Mad recreate the miasma of bonhomie Ideas (which I suppose we could wherein they shout over each henceforth abbreviate to ‘DoMI’ other, expressing both undying in order to further confuse lurve for the Faniverse in general residents of the J Kaufman home while in vino veritas letting slip for the Terminally Bewildered, a typically suppressed contempt theoretical domicile previously for certain fanzines, conventions having been named for Owen and/or James Bacon, with the Whiteoak) that, given all this merciful knowledge that all of it pending unpaid time off with its won’t be so much DNQ as inevitable schedule of excessive NWFR (“Nobody Will Fuckin’ and inspiring drink, we could Remember”), as either Noddy Holder screeches or George get another ish out around Boxing Day, also given that over Michael croons in the background and Bing Crosby is here we won’t be doing our usual all-day ‘Waifs & Strays’ happily drowned out. bash, a right fuckin’ shame since it falls on a Saturday this year and thus we might have expected record attendance. Reminiscence tends to end up, at least for me, in much earlier Hod-me-son promises a properly seasonal effort, the efficacy times of youth and young adulthood, but that’s where the of which will no doubt be seen below and hopefully may re- couple of stories I’ll relate are positioned, as much as I’m engage the likes of Leigh Edmonds who prefers less actual setting myself up for acres of snark on whether I ever footy in a footy column, but then again he’ll have to actually achieved any measure of “adulthood” yet at all. fuckin’ read it to find that out - see how clever we are round Christmas memories of that far back, for me, will center here (on occasion)? around my father (and his father). We weren’t an especially In true Simon Ounsley fashion, that preamble finally gets us to The Start of the Egotorial (with a “Thank fuck” from the * As quoted by Perry Middlemiss

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large nor close family - my dad had a younger brother with happily tag along. The Radcliffe back then was old-school, two kids, on mum’s side she had two older siblings whose with a public bar (grotty) and a snug on the other side kids were well out of my age range, although I had second (pretensions to being less grotty). Grandad was of course in cousins who were contemporary, and there were never any the public, Dad bought pints for his Dad and me and a half big family “dos” getting everyone together, although there for himself, and being a taciturn lot (well, they were) sat and were occasional visits from more or less distant relatives watched him play dominoes (or possibly cribbage - both (and it’s perhaps odd that Enfield was considered “distant”), games I later took up with alacrity) with one of his cronies most of which I fail to remember well (or at all) due to their for an hour or so. I might have ponced about on the bar infrequency. billiards table a bit, but by and large we just sat in Anyway, this will be bitty, but I’m going to try to make it comfortable if somewhat dutiful familial responsibility. I somewhat chronological. wish there’d been a photo taken, which these days there would have been, of three Farey generations having a quiet As Steve Jeffery agrees, we are “Brits of a certain age”, a and amenable Xmas drink. Grandad died the following year, phrase I worry I may be overusing, because it makes us so that gathering never happened again, but I’ve never sound like reactionary old gits. Perhaps I’ll just add forgotten it. ‘BOACA’ to the acronym list, even though us BOACA lot will immediately identify a defunct airline there. My Xmas It’s all good. present from Grandad was always just a card which Xmas 2020 contained a 10/- note. The lack of excitement in the opening of the envelope was offset by the slight hope that he might have upped it to a quid that year (which he never did). RADIO WINSTON Speaking of ten bob, other envelopes from unseen relatives SEASONAL SURFEIT JUKEBOX more often than not contained book tokens, and that would Some say it’s not Xmas until Hans Gruber falls off the be the jackpot - 2s/6d was the usual. Nakatomi tower, others might reasonably argue that it’s not Xmas dinners were always a turkey, supplied by our until Noddy Holder yells “It’s Chriiiiiiistmaaaaaas!!” relatives’ farm a few miles down the road. Mum would roast Musically speaking, as much as Slade might be denigrated that (on other occasions she could fix roast beef), but for being a throwaway band of little value, I’ve always everything else was boiled to buggery in proper English contended that the Holder/Lea writing pair is majorly fashion - she wasn’t a notable cook by any means, but of undervalued. There’s almost certainly more than a few who course I never realized that until much later when I started lob their product in with the then ubiquitous Chinn/ cooking myself. Chapman machine, later refined into seamless nausea by One year Dad and me both had the ‘flu over Xmas, and a Stock Aitken & Waterman. So anyway, despite the fact that miserable pair of bastards we were an’all, moping about and you all know I’m going to punt some - er - “quirky” slices, taking drink in shared misery while Mum was in the kitchen let’s start you off with Slade’s classic, whose longevity boiling things that we couldn’t taste, even if there’d been speaks to its quality... any flavor left in them. I rarely saw Dad unshaven at any https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpfHSqLXePI time, but that year any thoughts of personal grooming were I’m trying to avoid some of the very good (but perhaps set aside. overplayed) seasonal slices, making ‘Fairytale of New York’ Typically, when I became of shaving age, I’d get Brut33 an obvious exclusion, all admiration for Kirsty MacColl products as gifts, and as any fule kno that stuff was only any notwithstanding. good if you were terminally desperate for some alcohol So next up, to lull you into a false sense of security, here’s a intake. Dad usually got Old Spice, and we always traded. I nice (polite way of saying anodyne) reggae version of ‘Feliz use Old Spice products to this day. Navidad’ by Marlon Clarke... My favorite Xmas of those BOACA days would be 1976, the https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rwenenDoKA year I turned 18 that January, so I’m only just over a month shy of 19 when this happens. Dad would nip out Xmas Now comes Relient K, who are mostly quite frankly fuckin’ mornings to have a half with Grandad at his local, the awful, coming across as Blink-182 clones, and thick enough Radcliffe Arms, which was naturally walking distance from to include a version of the Hallelujah Chorus on a Xmas 14 Verulam Road up to the corner of Walsworth Road in album, but here’s their ‘I Wish You A Merry Christmas’ Hitchin. Dad’s getting up to go, looks at me and says “You which is all right... coming, then?”. As proper as Dad was, even knowing that https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGiqIH647xY I’d spent considerable time in and out of pubs in previous years, I was now of legal drinking age and therefore could

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Because SFC (which there will unsurprisingly be more of) the Antipodean contingent is represented by Kevin Bloody FAANWANK Wilson and ‘Hey Santa Claus’. Claire won’t like this... THE LAST HURRAH (HOCUS POCUS) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af7LwnA913g With a perhaps typically misleading subheading, this To give you a niceness break after suffering Relient K and column will be on hiatus due to the newly-minted DoBFO Kevin Bloody Wilson, here’s one I’ve always considered memo that, because I’m the awards admin, I shouldn’t be Xmassy, or at least seasonal because of the accompanying engaging in what Lucy Van Pelt described as “opinionation” video, with still hopefully pre-dead members of the on the topic. Pretenders (never guaranteed), ‘Hymn to Her’, one of the DoMI, however, delivered a curveball attached to a spanner best songs ever to come out of Chrissie Hynde’s pen... which inevitably rattled the cage of worms in possibly the https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwdZPzz2qLE most awkwardly contrived mixed metaphor ever to see That niceness couldn’t last, and who better to shatter it and print. get back to SFC than Joe Pesci in his Vincent LaGuardia I was talking with some friends recently in a rather extended Gambino persona with a Christmas concern... (and most welcome) catch-up which included increasing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0l7W6YizQ8I drunkenness (on my part, anyway), during which it was suggested that this here fanzine had become a “focal point”. Afroman continues the rudeness with ‘Deck My Balls’... After an initial flush caused by coo er gosh really, a less https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxOgAMxvsYg drunk braincell (perhaps the only one left at that time) piped Speaking of Claire Brialey (as you do), she incidentally up with “Shurely you cannot be serious?”. Now apparently gifted me this slice which had in turn been parlayed to her there’s a checklist of sorts, at least in that person’s mind, of by Tanya Brown. I’d never heard of the band Goddammit what constitutes an alleged “focal point fanzine”, including Jeremiah, but the question ‘What if Santa Claus is Just 20 but not limited to: frequency, fannish topics and level of Ferrets in a Red Suit?’ is likely to haunt me... response, the latter I think implied to include breadth and quality as well as volume. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APdhfeCrif0 The Regrettes were an outfit I was championing just a year or so ago, but somehow they’ve seemed not quite as good since bassist Sage Chavis left. If a moderately recent band can be said to have a “classic” lineup, here’s their Xmassy off-key effort with Sage still in situ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsKGSkUjeXo There’s a silly yet also joyous and somewhat satirical element of Oirishness at which the Dropkick Murphys excel when they decide they’d like to, and when they note that ‘The Season is Upon Us’, then it must be... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTx-sdR6Yzk Envoi: how would you expect me to end this? With the most SFC slice I could find? With something so obscure that even Joel Zakem or Gary Mattingly or Rich Coad hadn’t even heard of it? It may surprise some of you to learn that the answer is no (although there are others I know who will nod in approval). Given that we’re mostly going to be isolated from our usual interactions this year, the Unusual Suspects toast to “Absent Friends” will have more resonance, even though its original intent was to honor those who are no longer pre-dead, Tucker first and foremost in our canon, but this year we are all, to varied extents, absent from each other in ways we couldn’t have predicted. So, I give you Elvis with Martina McBride (!) having a Blue Christmas, with the implied hope of better ones to follow... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KK6sMo8NBY

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I’m a bit leary about writing on this topic at all given the Circling back to that “checklist”, the qualities of frequency closeness of the start of the FAAn award voting period (in which I’d include “regularity” to include titles which (January 9) since it could be construed that I’m engaging in aren’t out necessarily “often”), fannishness and reader shameless self-promotion under a thin guise of false response are merely (!) things that indicate a decent fanzine modesty, something I hope to disabuse. which isn’t necessarily about to ascend to some imagined Frankly, I think the entire notion of a “focal point fanzine” is Hall of Fame plinth. tincture of pure bollocks, and I have several reasons for this, Checking the boxes, and adding longevity to the mix, the the first of which is vaguely semantic. I’d suggest that any only “focal point” going is Ansible, innit?... given clubzine, for example, would be considered a “focal point” to club members since it’s likely to be their first and perhaps only port of call within their (often regional) sub- FANHERSTORY community; thus the basic terminology of “focal point” is of Happy birthday Alice Lawson, albeit back on December 19... limited usefulness, even tending toward uselessness. As I’ve Town full of hairdressers, and I got the fuckin’ trainee! (From observed interminably, the overall Balkanization of the 1995) Faniverse is also reflected in the smaller independent cantons of the fanzine community among which there isn’t a fuckin’ lot of significant overlap, even though we’re generally speaking the same language, albeit in different dialects. There’s a sub-group we might describe (as I possibly previously have) as self-appointed “Guardians of Twue”, which may cause their conscription into the Space Force (ho ho, [falls off chair]) who like very much to determine things like supposed “focal point fanzines” to shore up their own sense of self-importance as much if not more than out of a genuine desire to identify landmarks of excellence in fanzine history. Now as an historical exercise I can certainly see value in recognizing quality, as well as noting that there are always things we can learn from the Jiants upon whose shoulders we stand and who fundamentally paved the way for all subsequent incarnations and expressions of the hobby. The key word is “historical”, because if there is even such a rough beast as a genuine “focal point fanzine” which draws All Fandom toward it (witty black hole comparisons will be entertained) that can only be determined by context and hindsight. It’s arguable that This Here... is having its fifteen minutes, which is all good, certainly inasmuch as I’m enjoying N LD AN, RIED (2) punting the third series of the title and valuing both the A O F T response in general but particularly the willingness of For ease of reference for those interested in the early 1960s correspondents to engage with fannish topics which, it’s attempts at doing ‘Fan awards’ (detailed lastish), I’ve always seemed to me haven’t typically been the subject of collected readers’ comment here... such public and open discussion, having been considered, I Paul Skelton writes: suppose, samizdat to an extent. Yeah, I’ve been deemed as Just to make sure I do get off my arse this time and actually being “provocative”, but I’ll contend that the descriptor is as respond I am moving straight to your apparently recent much about just openly addressing fannish things of interest discovery of the earliest attempt at the Fan Awards. The to me (and perhaps having the temerity to put my opinions following two paragraphs are what I wrote about them in out there) as it is about the style of the presentation. ANoR 6 (August 2019)… Nobody really sets out thinking “I want this to be a focal “Not of course that fandom has always been entirely point fanzine”, although I do believe there’s one definite and satisfied with the fan Hugos. As far back as the obvious exception to prove that rule, and as usual teasingly beginning of the 1960s there was an abortive attempt to leave you to guess. (Hint: it’s not me.) create some special fan awards. To be fair I suspect that the dissatisfaction then was that, at the time, the only fan

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Hugo was for ‘Best Fanzine’ which, whilst showing a Bob Jennings writes: proper respect for what’s really important in fandom, left Your mention of the effort by Roy Tackett to create a Fan writers and artists out in the cold. I also suspect there Achievement Award back in 1961 struck a familiar memory were several reasons why the idea did not take off. with me. I am pretty sure I received the ballot, and one of Firstly, it was proposed by George Willick who I believe Roy’s many zines that discussed the idea. Roy and I was not the most popular fan of his time. Secondly, he corresponded regularly back those days, with me doing had commissioned a statuette for the award that was LOCs to most of his fanzines. I probably have that loose reportedly so hideous that you would batter a total ballot stuffed in a box with whatever is left of my old fanzine stranger to death with it for the sole purpose of getting hoard (I have sold off most of my old zines over the past ten rid of it by leaving it at the scene of the crime. or so years when I realized I wasn’t going to have the time or I was reminded of this just this week on reading Leslie Z. inclination to reread most of them, and that other people Norris’ An Open Letter to G. Willick in Shangri-L’Affaires might actually have an interest in the stuff). 57 (July-Aug 1961). Harry Warner’s letter in the I think there was fan interest in the concept, but the ballot following issue was in favour of some such award, you reproduced clearly displays the major flaw to the though he took pains to point out that the proposed project. The thing that killed it dead was that in order to cast statuette would in fact be replaced by a plaque. This a ballot you had to send along a monetary contribution in however was not enough to save George’s proposal, some amount to help support the awards. Uh, gee, a lot of even though it would appear most of fandom was in us were teenagers back then with little or no money and with favour of the basic concept. The problem was, they a whole lot of SF mags/books/comics/postage stamps/ didn’t want a special award, they wanted their award, mimeo supplies for fanzine production and the like we the Hugo, for their activity.” would much prefer to spend what little we had on; priorities …which clearly may not be significantly more information that came well ahead of sending along even a few quarters to than you already have, but surely it would have registered a fan achievement award project. I know I didn’t send any with you unless I somehow failed to send you a copy, which money, and I don’t know anybody else that did either. Some would have been the height of bad manners seeing as how I folks may have, but obviously not enuf to even represent any was riffing off Ulrika O’Brien’s editorial in Beam 14 as the kind of cross fandom opinion poll or to cover the cost of starting point of a journey in a completely different direction. even a thin special one-shot fanzine. Then again, my circulation list for ANoR has always been [[That’s an interesting point about having a requirement to very small and exceedingly unorganised. If I did fail to send Send Money, but I’ll point out that, before it was funded you a copy let me know and I’ll remedy the situation, more by auctions and such, funds such as TAFF and DUFF however belatedly. were supported pretty much solely by the voting fee, weren’t [[I don’t recall seeing that ish, so what you wrote there is they?...]] new to me, and well-received in terms of advancing I could paw thru the last box of my old zines and see if I knowledge of this little bit of fanhistory...]] have anything left by Roy, but if anybody is really interested, Jerry Kaufman writes: doesn’t Fanac.com and some of those other fanzine archival On page 3 and 4, you write about the 1961 Fan Achievement sites have runs of Roy Tackett’s fanzines? Checking thru Awards and reproduce the ballot, wondering if these ever those for the time period might reveal more info if anybody got awarded. I've been reading Outworlds/Afterworlds and is genuinely curious. think I found a hint that they did. On page 96 of [[See my comment on Jerry Kaufman’s remarks above...]] Afterworlds, in a piece published in Summer 1966 in Outworlds #1, Bill lists and comments on all the fanzines he published under the “Sphinx Press” rubric. For Double:Bill EGOTORIAL (2) #7, published in October of 1963, he says, “...voted best IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER single publication of '63 in the ill-fated Fan Awards.” This agrees with the ballot, in that it has a category for Best Single This being a Xmas(sy) ish, I rather wanted to avoid doom Publication, but no category for Best Fanzine. “Ill-fated” and gloom and mostly aim for lightheartedness and if at all suggests there might have been some controversy possible even a bit of seasonal joy like what you’re supposed surrounding the awards. I’ll bet more can be discovered by to have. searching through the newszines of the time, most (if not all) Doom and Gloom, however, had other plans. are on FANAC.org. The relatively minor end of that is me having another (and [[Thanks for this info. I’m not about to start digging through ongoing) bout of cellulitis, this time on the right foot. As I old newszines, but someone might...]] write (Winter Solstice), I’ve just finished the usual course of

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antibiotics which have this time seemingly failed to finish was attached to have almost certainly been loosened and the job, so it’ll either be another visit to Urgent Care could have to come out. Bad news 3: ballpark, we’re likely to tomorrow or, if I’m really lucky, a phone call to the doc there be $5,000 out of pocket after the relatively miniscule asking for a refill of the prescription (or perhaps something insurance contribution. We’ll know more after her next stronger if he thinks it necessary). I hope I can justify the ask appointment on the 29th, and although we have some without the visit by mentioning Plague considerations, but money put by, the likelihood of what’s now become an then they wouldn’t get their $35 copay, so I’m not thinking integral part of the US healthcare system, GoFundMe, is the odds are in my favor. This is just one more fuckin’ thing there. We’ll see, though, after that appointment - there’s to kibosh my plans to slob around the house in my jammies always a slim chance we could be pleasantly surprised. for 12 days and partake of drink for the duration. Meanwhile, no blow-out gastronomic anarchy Xmas dinner, Jennifer’s D&G is by far the more serious. although I’ll possibly have done a couple of FBF live cooking She gave up on waiting for me to soak some water on the shows by the time you read this with an eye toward stuff she struggling bushes at the side of the house, and since might be able to enjoy at least a little. Thursday is our official winter months watering day, Jen offered a selfie of the damage to be included here, and I decided to have a go while I was at work. Getting her feet gave her every chance to change her mind, given the bruise tangled in the hose, she fell and face-planted on the concrete that looks like a mustache, starting out as a bit of a John pathway. I got a phone call from our next-door neighbor Waters and growing into a Geraldo Rivera. Worth more than Oscar, who was luckily home, that I needed to get back a thousand words, though... pronto, which I did, since my work is generally very considerate about this sort of thing, perhaps also because I was only about 90 minutes from the end of my shift anyway, but even if it had been earlier they’d still have been good. Off to Urgent Care we sped, me not being allowed in because of the obviously sensible “patients only” policy, and X-rays were taken to determine that nothing was broken, although they did give her a splint for her very sore wrist and a scrip for some painkillers which of themselves really only amounted to the same number of ibuprofen that I’ll take two or three times a day. Apart from the obvious face injury, the fall dislodged her dental bridge - I didn’t even know she had one! - and left her unable to chew actual food. The Urgent Care people suggested a dentist who she called to discover that, because Murica! could get her an appointment in fuckin’ February. Much hemming and hawing of frustration ensues, with Jen’s hems and haws sounding like an evil combination of Cindy Brady and Daffy Duck. She had the idea (naturally brilliant, as it turns out) of calling the dentist who installed the bridge in the first place, and yes, they have an emergency division and can get her in the next day, while apologizing for not being able to offer one the same day. The health professionals in the USA are, at least in my experience, top class, but the fuckin’ system and the cost is what’s appalling. They call next morning with obvious appreciation of the urgency of the situation and get her in for 11am rather than the 3pm slot she’d first been given. We’re hoping that it’ll be possible for the bridge to be fixed right away, but Jen returns home with good news/bad news/more bad news. The good news is, of course they can fix it, the first bit of bad news being “but not right now” due to the extensive bruising and associated swelling inside and outside her mouth which would make the process unbearably painful. Bad news part 2: it’s quite likely she’ll need a bigger bridge since the teeth it

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potential foul. Obstruction seems to be one of those laws of FOOTY the game that have been forgotten in the great migration towards video oversight. It’s a gutting way to lose at Anfield BY DAVID HODSON because it seems to happen to most teams way too often. Spurs lost there last season to a dodgy penalty against Serge I turned my last column in to Nic on the eve of the North Aurier, who, to be fair, is an easy target to pick on at times, London derby between the forces of light and law called just as Leicester City lost by the same 2-1 margin there again Tottenham Hotspur and the despicable horde of darkness to a late dodgy penalty. A lot of it is down to the crowd, and chaos called Arsenal. Despite Spurs being the better side which is one of the most hostile in the country (as I’ve currently, it’s always trepidatious playing a local derby; as discussed before); I wonder if the 2,000 fans allowed to the cliché says: form goes out the window. Spurs won 2-0 attend this match due to Covid restrictions might actually be with a wonder strike from Son Heung-min, probably the more intimidating than the usual 54,000 capacity. After all, most smiley player to ever pull on a football shirt, and the referee could probably hear every poisonous voice another goal from Harry Kane. Top of the league and clearly and it’s likely that 2,000 people willing to attend an everything looking fine in the garden, Spurs went into the event, no matter how “socially distanced”, under the next game, away to Crystal Palace, in fine fettle. A deflating circumstances would probably represent the more knuckle- 1-1 draw meant Spurs fans were watching Liverpool go to dragging, rabid section of the support. Fulham with the opportunity to go top of the league by two points with what seemed a fairly routine win. Fulham had All of which left Spurs facing Leicester City at home on other plans, took the game, in the first half at least, to Sunday December 20th already six points behind Liverpool Liverpool and earned a 1-1 draw of their own to kick-start in the table after they thrashed Crystal Palace 7-0 at Selhurst the relegation fight that had previously looked hopeless. It Park the day before. The same Crystal Palace that forced a looked as though the gods of football were on Tottenham’s 1-1 against Spurs only a week earlier at the same Selhurst side, determined to keep them top of the pile leading into a Park. Palace fans of my acquaintance tell me they played visit to Anfield. First against second in the table: hardly a well, but I watched the game on television and switched off title decider so early in the season, but an opportunity to at half-time. Palace was already 3-0 down and it was fairly secure bragging rights and a possible advantage. obvious they were going to concede at least the same again. Now we’ve got all the News of the World football writing Any fan that tells you that their team could have scored clichés out of the way (I like to keep Dave Cockfield happy three goals themselves whilst playing Jordan Ayew up front in case he remembers how many pints I probably owe him is probably trying to play up the positives a little too much. from the 1980s), we can discuss the Anfield game seriously. A dejected and depressed looking Spurs lost 2-0 to Leicester and in the space of a week went from first to sixth in the As any committed footie fan knows, there are two grounds table. A midweek EFL Cup game on Wednesday at Stoke in England where visiting sides, no matter how well or City was won 3-1 to start to restore confidence, but the kind badly they may play, will never (or hardly ever, before of losses suffered at Anfield take a long time to repair. Oh anyone mentions Eric Lamela) get a contentious decision in well, at least Arsenal are still shit (sorry, Tommy!). their favour: Old Trafford and Anfield. Despite having barely a third of the possession of the ball, Spurs were I’m typing this on Christmas Day with a bad back, multiple actually the better side in the game; they had a game plan, painkillers in my system, and hopefully enough milk in the they played to it, and, but for wayward finishing by Steven fridge to get me through to tomorrow when I will hobble to Bergwijn on two occasions and a Harry Kane header that the Tesco Metro petrol station just up the road from me. It was almost impossible to miss but somehow managed to will probably be the first trip out in anger for my walking defy the laws of physics and go over the bar from barely two stick; something that was recommended to me way back in yards out despite being headed downwards, would have February by the physiotherapist I saw at Chase Farm Hospital. Like a lot of people, I guess I like to live in denial probably won the game. Entering the 90th minute, Liverpool of the advancing years and the toll Sepsis took on me a few won a corner which was swung into the Spurs box by years back (which is why I take this shielding lark so Andrew Robertson and headed into the net, past a helpless seriously). I’ve become an admin on a Facebook Tottenham Hugo Lloris, by Roberto Firmino. Typical Liverpool! Hotspur group since the start of the new season, but it hasn’t Doubly typical as evidenced by the replays. As the corner been much fun really. A lot of fans aren’t enjoying this was swung in, Liverpool captain Jordan Henderson season very much, understandably so I guess. There does deliberately ran across the path of Tottenham center-back seem to be so much more of so much more importance going Eric Dier, obstructing him and bringing him to the ground, on. Boris Johnson and his cadre of clowns called the British allowing Firmino an otherwise unchallenged header. VAR Government have just agreed a free trade deal with the had a look and, because there was no “clear and obvious European Union to conclude Brexit, which probably error” by the referee, decided not to ask him to review the indicates that Boris means to quit as Prime Minister at some

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point in the Spring. One can hardly be cheerful about the a little embarrassing. I’m also pretty sure that if it was incompetent prat resigning after the damage he’s done. Most suggested that overseas carers, nurses, and doctors should football fans are in complete denial about the implications of be offered automatic U.K. citizenship, should they want it, as Brexit for British football (and I do mean British. The a reward for their efforts over the last year and a bit, just as restrictions that will require work permits for overseas President Macron of France has done recently, we’d soon see players apply to all British leagues), and it feels like footie the knuckle dragging Brexiteers back on our streets and fans are about to enter their personal version of austerity screens in protest at the diluting of our Anglo-Saxon purity. with a diminishing of the talent on display in games and a I’d like to say the election of Joe Biden as President of the tightening of financial belts at every club. United States with its attendant defeat of the greater orange Am I bovvered? I’m not sure! I seem to be developing a Trump indicates a possibility that the U.K. might also elect a similar attitude to football as I have to Doctor Who. Just as milder, Starmer-led, Labour government next time out, but I I’ve realised that the good Doctor’s adventures have been don’t believe that either. More likely, any Labour-led juvenile nonsense (and mostly a damned sight worse than government elected in 2024 would come off the back of a even that) since well before it went away and came back grand coalition with the SNP, the Green Party, the Liberal again, so I’ve also realised with even greater clarity in the Democrats, Plaid Cymru, and possibly even Irish current pandemic that football is a luxury item and not to be republicans, that allows a Scottish independence taken too seriously. I’m actually having a harder time referendum, an Irish reunification referendum, the complete missing trips to the cinema to see the occasional new movie I dismantling of the first-past-the-post electoral system in want to catch on a big screen. It’s been over a year since I last what’s left of the U.K., and the introduction of caught up with my ex-archaeology classmates from proportionally representative upper and lower elected Birkbeck; we’d usually have at least one summer day out chambers. There definitely would be riots on some streets in down in Brighton (mentioning Birkbeck reminds me of the the U.K. if that happened, although the People’s Republic of late Ken Brown, the first SF fan I re-encountered in the early London would probably be quite safe. 2000s, and also a football fan). I haven’t actually been able to Now, if my views on the political future of the U.K. are as afford to be a bum on a seat in a football stadium for years jaundiced as that, you can probably imagine the sickly shade whereas I’ve attended a goodly few international cricket of green my views on the future of football and sport in one-dayers in that time. £60.00 for two hours watching general are. Greed rules the day. Football and elite sports football in a cold, windy, and wet stadium against £100.00 should never have been allowed to return whilst the for a whole day in a warm, sunny, alcohol and food plentiful pandemic is ongoing because it encouraged a belief that cricket ground seems a mismatch. Priorities are changing I things were returning to a normality that is still at least a guess, but are they permanent changes? Only time will year away. Football is so in hock to television money that the answer that one, and an opportunity to once again not have mere threat of Sky and BT asking for a rebate on the to worry about life-threatening diseases at every trip out the ludicrous billions they paid for the right to televise Premier door. League football had the Football Association and the In a week’s time it’ll be New Year’s Eve and everyone will be Premier League lobbying government to allow them to start hoping, vaccines permitting, that 2021 will be a much better playing again. And because the government couldn’t be seen year than 2020. When all the Covid stuff kicked off and to be bailing out “greedy footballers” by bailing out their before the idea of a lockdown had even been touted in the over-exposed clubs, they had to say yes or see clubs go to the U.K., I said to my Crystal Palace supporting archaeologist wall. Football fans are nothing if not partisan. A committed mate Mark Perks that I was writing off the entirety of 2020 Spurs fan, for example and mentioning no names, might be and a goodly proportion 2021 and that still seems likely to be sorely vexed if his club was to go bankrupt just after a good estimate. It only took a basic knowledge of the building a beautiful new stadium in downtown Tottenham, Spanish flu pandemic timeline from the early 20th century to whilst also being tickled pink at the prospect of Arsenal or realise life was going to be “different” for a bit. So, what do I Chelsea going down the tubes. In London these events expect of 2021 in both football and life in general? probably wouldn’t have a large political effect; it’s a safe Labour city on the whole, but introduce these social I’m not sure. I’d like to say that the pandemic will have a variables into the midlands and who’s to say where votes major positive effect on people and their attitudes; that might land in Birmingham, the Black Country, Coventry, people will be nicer to each other. But that’s bollocks and we Nottingham, or Leicester? Football support is tribal and all know it. In the U.K., streets full of people were clapping anything that destroys those tribal ties will undoubtedly face for carers and the NHS in the spring and early summer, but a backlash. the energy was already draining out of that before it was stopped. I suspect it was stopped because the energy was Ho hum! Roll on that needle in the arm… sapping out of it so quickly and visibly that it was becoming

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From: [email protected] LOCO CITATO December 5 [[“I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the Leigh Edmonds writes: powerless, it is not only cruel - it’s vulgar” (Molly Ivins)...]] This Here... 36 arrived here a couple of hours ago and, being in need of something sensible to read, I left eyetracks all over From: [email protected] it. December 5 I was disappointed by David Hodson’s Footy column this time, mainly because it was about footy. I know I shouldn’t Mike Glyer writes: be surprised, of course. I’ve heard of Maradona and Pele You have some fine turns of phrase in this issue! even in this far distant corner of the world and enjoyed that “...will be shat on with extreme prejudice...”. Well said! Hear, part of the column, but the serious discourse on other hear! worthy footballers was a mystery to me and my eyes glazed over. There might have been some deep level and skillfully And “uptick in effing”. Positively Orwellian! crafted commentary on the state of European politics in I also appreciated your investigation of the sweariest there but I missed it. Sorry. languages. [[Of course there was, albeit possibly more well-disguised There’s an argument to be made which is more potent, the that usual. It’s also a possible standby that an extremely same words used frequently, or freshly-invented vulgarity. vital topic (at least it is in Watford FC fan forums) will I’ll only say that in high school I was once within earshot of arise, which is which away ground has the best pies...]] a fellow who described someone not present as a “dog-eared My eyes glazed over again during Claire Brialey’s long pussy” and a “brick-faced motherfucker”. I wished right discourse on the multiple contexts in which the word cunt then I could have followed him around the rest of the day (and its alternatives) can be used. This is important business taking notes of all the unexpected phrases he put in front of because the way in which we use this word and others tells the old standby obscenities. us a lot about ourselves. I imagine that one of the reasons [[The orange wankbucket also seems to have caused an that words like cunt and fuck make such good swear words uptick in more creative sweary epithets, and it’s been noted is because they begin with a hard expressive sound that are a that the Scots have demonstrated a terrific facility for this bit stronger than, say, twat and dick. I speak from sort of thing, although, being me, the Caledonian protest experience on this word and I said “fuck” several times and sign I liked the most (but have been unable subsequently to with great energy yesterday when I jammed my finger in the find a photo of) read: “Naebody likes ye, ya cunt”... kitchen drawer. On the other hand, when people use words ✻ ✻ ✻ like cunt and dick as direct insults they are telling us as much about how their brain works as anything else. We can only feel sorry for such folk for what they might think about something so pleasurable. Still, I’m not above yelling “dickhead” at conservative politicians on the television, so what does that say about me? [[It says that you’re remarkably refined for an Australian, I would suggest. I note with interest your contribution to sweary academia in noting the “hard expressive sound” beginning those words which you observe naturally adds to their forcefulness. These are examples of what I vaguely recall are called “incisive consonants” which add power and a memorable quality. This thought process, incidentally, was what inspired George Eastman to come up with the name ‘Kodak’...]] I was saddened by Taral’s letter because the joy of life seems to have been sucked from his existence. Self expression, in the form of writing, seems as good as any other way of trying to overcome that state but I gather from what he has written that the result of his labours is not for publication. This seems to me to be a pity because writing is a form of

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communication and that implies that it will be had been lobbed in there, over 500 pages of mainly fine communicated to others, not kept hidden away. I wonder if fannish writing. I can now tell you that egoscanning 500 his comment, “Life strips me of one thing after another ...” pages is not a task to be undertaken lightly and I will not be might not apply to most of us who are ‘over the hill’ as they doing it again. Much later in the evening my You Tube used to say. There’s nothing that we can do about it so we suggested that I might be interested in looking at a video of a may as well get on with what’s left to us with at least some recent American late-night chat show host telling a few jokes level of gladness that we have not yet joined some of our about the current political embarrassment in the USA. Very dear friends who, as the other saying puts it, ‘rest in peace’. I amusing and entertaining, which would have been good as would say to Taral, “cheer up chum” but I know it’s not very far as it went. However, the You Tube algorithm must have helpful. decided that since I watched that I wanted more of the same [[Perhaps we should all just be content with being pre- and so it fed me what might have been an endless supply of dead...]] political commentary on the current American embarrassment, some of it amusing, some pointed and On the other hand. Lloyd Penney’s letters are always vitriolic, some from the left and a bit from the right, and all something to look forward to. I think that he and I have the electrifying. Before I knew it I’d spent an hour and a half same attitude to loccing and the reason that I don’t do more sitting in front of my screen, boggle eyed and slack jawed, of it than I do is because I don’t find most fanzines very just soaking up all this stuff like a sponge. None of it interesting. If you take the attitude that I do, that ideally allowed any time for thinking, let alone reflection, the fanzines are a form of communication then the thing that presenters were all completely self assured that what they makes the most interesting fanzines are were saying was the gospel truth those in which communication takes place (sometimes literally). It was addictive but between producer and readers is the most eventually I managed to turn it off way attractive to me. A great many fanzines past my bedtime and tottered off to are more like soap boxes upon which repose. I can’t imagine what the effect of people stand and yell at the assembled this poisonous stuff must be on the crowd and the best that one can expect psyche’s of Americans who have nothing from the audience is the occasion witty better to do than sit in front of their heckle, but nothing substantial. So, this is screens with this stuff pouring into their the problem I think I have with big fat brains. All I can say is that I am mightily fanzines like SF Commentary and Portable relieved that we are separated from it by Storage, they are so huge that it is the full width of the Pacific Ocean. impossible to respond to them fully in a simple letter. Your response to Lloyd’s [[I do occasionally like to clock Seth comments about letters of comment, that Myers of the late-night crew, but haven’t they should have something to do with done much of that lately, preferring the content of the fanzine they are written something more escapist. CNN is a in response to, not just comment hooks cauldron of depression, even though I go leading off onto something entirely in for a daily dose...]] different and not entirely relevant, reminded me of some of Having awoken with that still banging around inside my the locs I received from Harry Warner in the good ol’ days. head I was mightily relieved to see the latest This Here... Sometimes I got the feeling that he hadn’t found anything waiting to help by bringing some sanity back to the world. much in my fanzine to comment on (which was often Thanks for reminding me that not all Americans are raving understandable) but by golly he was going to fill his two loonies. pages according to tradition so it was interesting so see him ✻ ✻ ✻ pick on hooks that he could use as the launching point for something else quite different. A skill I wish I had at times. From: [email protected] Along those lines, let me use Lloyd’s opening comment December 6 about the election and television as an explanation of why I Taral Wayne writes: feel so blah today and was so happy to find this issue of This In true solipsist fashion, if my cause is lost then all causes are Here... in my in box. This past week seems to have been lost. But it is probably better to regard my attitude in this -- dominated by work involved with getting us to move to our not as nihilism -- but as a practical way for me to prioritize new place so I approached Saturday feeling quite out of my time. Surely we can both agree that we have different sorts. Then, after a lethargic day I turned on my computer in priorities? the evening to find that the most recent ANZAPA mailing [[Agreed in full...]]

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I have to echo Andrew Hooper’s remark about feedback, pubbing has pigeonholed as apazines, and apazines don’t although not entirely. I’ve long noticed that some fanzines get the letter writer’s name in letter columns. Flashback may seem to have long, lively letter columns, while others do not. also suffer somewhat from a positive feedback deficit. It’s a The relationship between some fanzines that have feedback, thought... and others that do not, might be fairly simple ... or it might [[The apazine argument there has legs in the sense that there not be. On the one hand, loccers tend to like talking about may well be a lot of implied references to the rest of the apa themselves, and if given the opportunity they may do so at which might leave the general reader a bit mystified. Fred considerable length! Yet there are zines, such as Hooper’s Lerner does seem to get outside response, however. Thanks that are eminently deserving, on some lofty plain of for giving me more food for thought...]] existence, that do not provide easy comment hooks. I’ve As for writing that piece about the alternate history of have that problem with Flashback myself, and it was only fandom – the one in which Tim Kirk only won one Hugo, luck that I finally encountered an issue of which I not only and Atom or Marc Schirmeister had won their richly read most of, but was also able to reply at length. But it is not deserved Hugos instead – I might have been interested in always so... attempting it, but it would be much too big a headache for [[There are perhaps as many reasons why fanzines get locced me today. It’s easier to write about my declining years as (or not) as there are fanzines themselves. It’s a possible memoirs ... or to indulge my tedious obsessions (such as toy conclusion that Hooper, certainly when he’s writing in his cars). Having to make choices about who ought to have won scholarly mode, goes into such depth and crushing detail FAAns, Hugos or similar awards would be too much like that the reader is left with nothing to add or contribute. On work. If you have an urge to steal the idea, slight as it may the other hand Graham Charnock in the late and much- be, you are welcome to it. missed Vibrator tended to be opinionated and provocative and perhaps less factual, something I also might get accused [[As tempting as that might be on the face of it, I’m fairly of. All the previous incarnations of This Here... have, well committed as it is in the fanac department, what with however, tended to get significant reader response, even This Here..., adminning the FAAn awards, and in theory at when I’d suggest that I was a fuck of a lot less least BEAM 16, not to mention some Mad Idea side projects “provocative” than I might be now, though no less which have gone nowhere yet because of the previous...]] opinionated. I’m always interested in having discussions on topics of interest, and I deliberately write in ways that are ✻ ✻ ✻ intended to encourage others to weigh in, and that input is valuable in that I can (and will) change my opinions based From: [email protected] on persuasive arguments...]] December 8 But the uninspiring little zines that do exist -- so that their John Nielsen Hall writes: editors may publish their opinions about the books they’re recently read, or their opinions about “cancel culture” – are I’d like my five eggs worth, principally in response to Claire, sometimes surprisingly well provided for in the letters about the C word. I feel it should be a good word and I department. Why? would be interested to know how it ever became a term of abuse, if there are any university departments conducting [[There’s also a bubble effect going on there - people, research into such things. Both genders’ genitalia are at including fannish subgroups, will congregate into places various times objects of derision and at others wonder. Dicks which are affirming for them...]] are utterly comical, being as they are unreliable, dangly, but It is all the more surprising, since I’ve been one of the still very prone to come to life at entirely the wrong moment, fortunate few with one of my own zines ... but struck out and moreover making regular unreasonable demands on entirely with my next titles. Broken Toys had a letter column their bearer for much of life's journey, while ladies parts are that more than once threatened to take control. Rat Sass was subject to various painful and messy complaints, some on a admittedly an apazine, but I wrote few mailing comments, regular basis, which are not at all funny. That is just the way and the majority of the material was similar to what I had human being are made. Why we then refer to them when we published in Broken Toys. Both zines had been monthly and wish to express abuse and anger is a mystery to me. fairly substantial, with art, and both made available on Bill [[It used to be embarrassing to make that thing behave / For Burnes’ eFanzines. Yet I think probably had only two locs to every single morning it stood up to watch me shave / But publish over the entire 12 issues of Rat Sass. Similarly, the now that I am old and grey it sure gives me the blues / to see four issues of The Baloobius I have published, so far, have it just hang down my leg and watch me tie my shoes...]] been met with silence. I haven’t even gotten Lloyd Penney locs in 16 issues! What accounts for the wildly different Cunt is I believe an Anglo Saxon-ism, and by itself reception? As far as I can tell, it may only because my recent innocuous. There is a variation, not much in use any more:

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Cunny. Quim, seems to me (and it’s purely my personal have an opportunity to make the last comment on an letter in opinion), very Edwardian and sort of prim. But all of these a particular ish, but that’s not quite the same since are fine words in themselves, it's only when, or if, they are discussions on previous letters and articles often roll over used abusively that we sit up and take notice. Males have into the next ish. And the frequency of TH... does make this been doing it all my life, and something in my upbringing feel more like a rolling conversation where you don’t have to recoils when I hear it. wait another three to six months to reply (or sometimes to In dramas like The Boys, which I have been on about in my see a reply you sent shortly after receipt which has now been own pages of late, despite my enjoyment of the whole thing, overtaken by events and feels woefully out of date.) I really do feel it has been overused terribly. I can put up [[Quite so. If any given topic still has something to offer with it once or twice, and as a descriptor, though unhelpfully (shown by reader engagement) it’ll keep going, or if not it’ll so, of one major character, but I feel embarrassed at it's peter out, possibly...]] overuse, and the more so because the character employing Like you (replying to Mark Plummer) I am an early, often the term most is supposedly British. For my part, you can pre-dawn, riser, even now when the commute to work call as many men as you like Dicks, but don't call them means crossing the landing to turn on the PC in the upstairs Cunts, or at least, not often and you should never call a study and then down to the kitchen to make coffee while it woman that , even between males. warms up and sorts itself out through the myriad domain Women, in contrast to most men, have much more to define firewalls and security blockers IT have installed on it before I their appearance and their behaviour and character than can connect in to work. (Their latest feature has just disabled that one part. my ability to log in and access my workplace training site, Well, that concludes my guide to language and etiquette. To despite this being mandatory. I have just sent the details and move on, I simply do not understand what that Facebook half a dozen screenshots to the helpdesk and now wait meme mashing up the cover of ‘Who’s Next’ with what someone in Mumbai or Kurdbekistan to message me to ask looks part of the ancient city of Petra and a chrome monolith what the problem is. This is likely to prove almost as is about. In the original album cover the background is sky entertaining and frustrating as our issue last year with our and the monolith is just a lump of concrete, the better to internet and phone provider TalkTalk when our landline show what has just taken place. In reality, the chrome ( or phone went dead (although internet still worked) insisting whatever it is) would not show any trace of liquid deposited their engineer could only arrange a visit to fix the problem on it. It's utterly pointless. I don’t get it at all. Stupid. by phoning us on the number we had reported as not working because their phone and internet helpdesk systems [[Well if you haven’t been following what’s apparently a are separate departments and don’t talk to each other.) guerrilla art installation now with copycats wordwide, then I don’t suppose you would get it, old lad. The ‘Who’s Next’ [[They do it ‘cos they can...]] interpretation of it I thought was funny and brilliant, and Starting early also means I can actually get some work done no doubt the subject of an extended analysis of the Meaning in the hour or two before the calendar starts to fill the rest of of it All by some Grauniad-style art critic. Or Andy the day up with back to back Microsoft Teams meetings (the Hooper...]] one downside of remote working, especially as it means I Bonnie Raitt: Nice face, nice hair and what is not evident, have to turn the radio down, although Vikki would claim the nice voice. other downside is that I don’t finish early either, and (too) often work though a 12 hour day under dinner). Shame about the chest measurement. Re: design. I definitely favour clarity over clutter, frippery [[“Don’t come tae me wi’yer personal problems Budgie”...]] and furbelows (even if I knew what a furbelow is) and, more and more as my eyesight wanders, readability, contrast and ✻ ✻ ✻ space. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve picked up a book from the to-be-read pile, taken one look at the font size and From: [email protected] crammed text and put it back for something else that will be easier to read. December 8 [[I always thought “furbelow” was one of those quaint Steve Jeffery writes: Victorian euphemisms for “cunt”, and I’m not going to look Thanks for TH...#35 (which has just been overtaken by it up to disabuse myself of that notion either...]] TH#36 landing in my inbox, so something on that to follow). Not being a footy fan, I always thought that a handball was In a somewhat tortuous sentence that took a couple of reads when it was viewed as deliberate attempt to control the ball to unpack, you comment to Will Breiding that you don’t with the hand or lower arm, rather being awarded because a think there is any such thing as the editor’s ‘last word’ in a player deliberately whacks the ball against an opponent’s fanzine. I tend to agree. Obviously, you, as editor, probably

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shoulder so they can appeal. As you say, rules are now of BW80.) But Claire reminds me (as does writing this debated to point of insanity, especially after the introduction overdue loc) I ought to take more time out from allowing of VAR where it’s now not possible to make a decision work spill into all hours of the day (and even weekends and stopping without replaying the whole match in slow motion what seem, ever more nominally, ‘days off work’) to just from fifteen different angles while the desire for life slowly enjoy writing to people again. ebbs away. Football seems to have now inherited the same Sandra Bond - Vikki is the footy fan in this house. I have insanity that overtook Formula One a few seasons back almost no interest. Luckily we gel on motor racing, snooker when every other result was decided days after the event by and darts. As for being the Bill Bailey of fandom, there is no teams of lawyers. way you’ll see me in Celebrity come Dancing. (I adhere to Umpires? (Leigh Edmonds). the “Dance like no one’s looking, but only when no one’s [[Any Australian game official is, I believe, an “umpire”, looking” school of terpsichore.) whatever the sport...]] Current lockdown jisgaw count: 57 (cutaway schematic of David Cockfield (and you in response) make the comment Thunderbird 2) that when you look back at a loc you can realise that Make that 58. Cry of triumph just come up from Vix sometimes you’ve used it more an opportunity to write downstairs. about what you are up to than to comment on the zine itself, I appear to be a ‘Brit of a certain although I’m not sure I go along with this age’ (which age, I’m uncertain) since I being an element of the “letter remember those Thunderbird Zoom ice substitute” (which I always feel applies lollies. And indeed Thunderbirds when to those impersonal form letters you they still bobbed around awkwardly on sometimes get from people at Christmas strings, like Bez on a bad day. an know have been sent out to everyone I’ve only tangled with Zoom a couple of they know but just with the name times during lockdown. A couple of changed at the top - like the Molesworth groups I belong to use it for online All Purpose Christmas thank you letter) meeting, but these often at inconvenient rather than being an real letter. And times, like when we settling down to eat anyway, the editor, as well have having or watching TV (largely an ongoing the proverbial “last word”, also has the rotation of episode of The Bridge, prerogative to decide which bits to print Battlestar Galactica and Sky Arts programs and which bits to regard as just part of a we have recorded). My company prefers letter. Microsoft Teams, and before that Webex [[I don’t think that the descriptor “letter was the forum de jour. Getting my head substitute” for elements of locs bears around switching between different close examination, especially given the interfaces, especially setting up the audio point you make here. I’ll return to the and video options for each, proved a bit observation that we’re having a convo problematic and for the first half of one with each other, albeit instigated by the meeting I was invisible and after I’d editor, you might say. So “letter substitute” in this context worked this out in time for the second I discovered they might thus be defined as something written to more people preferred audio only. Such is life. than just one as, in part, un update on the writer’s ongoing Teams allows you to change your background, so at various pre-dead status...]] meeting I have seemingly attended work from the side of the And sympathies to Dave on the flooding problems. That local canal, the steps of the Lincoln memorial (from my does indeed look horrible. Corflu FIAWOL side trip) and Mars. I’ll have to ransack my I’ve just watched Nick Mason’s Saucerful of Secrets which I photo album for a couple of other options to brighten the recorded from Sky Arts, which has recently migrated to a morning sprint meeting. Freeview channel. A bunch of Nick’s friends and Pink Floyd Will definitely check out the Sonny Rollins link. Thanks. fanboys (including Gary Kemp from Spandau Ballet) having I’m very tempted to nominate “His vision of perfect immense fun with the Floyd’s back catalogue. A real delight. movement and harmony on the field was rooted in the same Loved Claire Brialey’s opening musings on the catness of sublime ordering of space that one sees in the pictures of Schrodinger’s hypothetical feline. That did make me Vermeer or church painter Pieter Jansz Saenredam. It was the chuckle. And remind me I’m missing seeing Banana Wings music of the spheres on grass” to rank alongside John Peel’s drop though the letterbox (though thanks for the email copy description of early Pink Floyd as “sounding like cries of

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dying galaxies lost in sheer corridors of time and space” in As I mentioned before, footy appreciation roles are Private Eye’s Pseud’s Corner. But I’m not a footie fan, so what seemingly inverted in this house, with Vikki suffering the do I know? (“nowt”) pains of being a life-long Villa supporter while I am content [[David Winner quote, who predated Hod-me-son’s to let it wibble in the background while I read, with the eloquence...]] phone ins on Radio 5 Live Sports Extra as a reminder that this is a fandom I’m probably well out of. And then comes a suggestion from Taral not just for a Retro- FAAn award, but who would we consider a retro FAAn? (And I agree with your closing comment to Claire’s loc about Perhaps someone who only reads fanzines produced before the madeupness of things like Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day 1960, like people who say they don’t read any science fiction etc. as occasions to show affection when it’s the unexpected published after the ‘Golden Age’ of 1940s and 1950s. (I’ve random bringing home of small gifts (flowers, cake, a book never understood that attitude and probably never will. or CD you found when browsing) that count for more. That’s like saying music stopped with Geraldo and his [[And as far as locs, the occasional if not actually rare Orchestra.) orchid turning up from the likes of Uncle Johnny and Perry [[Or we could argue that it stopped when fuckin’ U2 started Middlemiss thish...]] getting fawned over and Bono went up himself...]] I can understand Leigh Edmonds being overwhelmed by the ✻ ✻ ✻ bigness of fanzines like SFC or Portable Storage (indeed I feel the same about issues of Journey Planet that seem to scroll From: [email protected] endlessly while the icon in the page location sidebar barely moves). And perhaps, if I were only able to read those two December 8 fanzines online I might feel the same. But sometimes that’s Paul Skelton writes: exactly what I want, when a fanzine has enough space for a Yet again I managed to enjoy contributor to stretch out in long review article rather than a an issue (TH... 35) without also couple of paragraphs. managing to find anything [[Then again, there’s stretching out and there’s “where the worth saying in response. Oh, fuck was the editor?”...]] I was going to point out how Why is only metaphorical blood spilt in the internal astute Dave Hodson was in machinations and power struggles of the N3F? That doesn’t remarking that Boris would sound the fanzine fandom we know. Where are the bodies doubtless once again do an buried? And in how many parts? That’s what we want to about-turn on his rejection of know. But, yeah. I would read that. What’s Rob Hansen Marcus Rashford’s plea to doing these days? provide an alternative to free school meals during the school Leigh’s description of test match cricket sounds like our holidays for those in need. attitude to watching (or rather occasionally looking in on) a Well, it would only have been week long snooker tournament, especially when Robertson an aside, and my brain wasn’t is on the table. Although we both gave up on the last final up to the challenge of coming up with something for it to be after a couple of hours when Robertson was taking nearly an aside to. five minutes between each shot after walking round the table three times to examine the position of an imaginary cue Usually your ‘Radio Winston’ features material which does ball from all angles, lining up a shot and then stopping and not push my particular buttons, but here in TH...36 the going through the whole tedious process again, widdershins. Sonny Rollins piece has intrigued me sufficiently to take me At that point, somewhere around one in the morning, we lost to YouTube, though sadly the first track on the ’65 ’68 the will to live and went to bed. compilation struck me as being very much in the ‘tweedly- oodly showoff stuff’ you mentioned. I’ll try the Holland I don’t have anything further to add to Claire Brialey’s letter sessions later. except to agree and to try and train myself out of my usage of the c-word (more often as a cry of frustration at a [[As I said, the “tweedly-oodly showoff” designation is very recalcitrant program or computer than against a person) as much YMMV. I suppose what I really find grating is where Vikki feels much the same. there’s basically a load of dissonant bollocks which always struck me as the musicians having a larf, getting together I read S&dra Bond’s comment as more about the expectation over drinks and heroin afterwards and chortling “those from others (and by which I suspect she means almost dumb fuckers will lap this shit up”...]] invariably males) that she wouldn’t be interested in football rather than an assertion of her own. [...]

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As someone whose extended family has at some time that I’d only had about 2 or 3 hours of sleep. Randy Byers, included both cats and dogs I must say that I was never observant, solicitous and factual as ever, pointed out that he aware of cats farting, though only too aware that dogs can had found me asleep in the stairwell adjacent to the consuite make the most evil smells, usually without any warning the previous evening. With as much dignity as I could muster sound. Now it is true that we never had cats without also (not a great deal), I haughtily replied “It doesn’t count when having dogs, and with the smells continuing even after the you passed out”...]] cats (but not the dogs) stopped being pre-dead, this might I'm finding Zooms with many people on them to be a have meant that the dogs got more than their fair share of the challenge. I do like to participate, but when the subject's not blame. something I'm either familiar with, or of much interest, I Nothing new in that of course, given that lapdogs became usually try to stay mum. And when it is of interest, there's popular in order to give ladies something on which to falsely often people who talk more than others, and I have trouble blame the smell of their own farts. Small dogs are often getting a word in. Having just four or five people in the termed as ‘feisty’, which my 1991 Collins English Dictionary Zoom or in the room makes it much easier, especially when defines as ‘frisky’ or ‘irritable’. I would have included we know one another. ‘pugnacious’ too, giving me the opportunity to throw in [[I agree that “four or five”, as you say, is a comfortable from left field, given the subject of dogs and the opening number...]] syllable ‘pug’, the following quote from Becky Masterman’s Spotify only has one slice of the [Sonny Rollins’] Holland Rage Against the Dying (2013)… album so far, “Tune Up”. I’ve played it and am letting Spotty “The house came with a set of Pugs, which are sort of a cross pick more tracks for me. I have Rollins’ Way Out West album between Peter Lorre and a bratwurst.” but nothing else that I can recall. Yeah, he’s good, though …just because Cas and I thought the description to be such Coltrane remains my favorite sax guy, and Dexter Gordon is an apposite delight that it needed to be shared. Anyway, up there. ‘feisty’ comes from the Old English word ‘fisting’, which Reading your announcement about the FAAn awards again, means ‘breaking wind’, as any fule kno, which does add a I see you say that the ceremony will be “hosted by Jerry certain piquancy to Aileen Forman’s one-word description Kaufman”. I hope you don't mean I’m hosting the Zoom of you. meeting itself. I’m just signed up to present the awards but [[That’s also a definition of “fisting” I’d never heard, which not to do any Zoom hosting as I’ve only got the free version in my obviously limited knowledge has always meant of Zoom. something very different indeed...]] [[You’re correct. You’re the host, the actual production/ In closing I would point out that ‘quim’ is not merely archaic, management of the meeting will be done by someone else yet it is quimtessentially archaic. to be shanghaied into it. I wouldn’t expect you to have to [[I’m waiting for some more modernist type to coin the usage manage letting people in and so forth as well as doing the “quimtastic”...]] presentations...]] ✻ ✻ ✻ And by the way, is there going to be a Lifetime Achievement Award again? If so, I’d like to be sure that someone is From: [email protected] prepared to announce it. I can do it, if I’m sent a script, or one of the people who makes the decision can present it. December 8/10 [[Yes, the LAA will be awarded in 2021 - the deliberating Jerry Kaufman writes: panel is being convened. I’ll be in touch privately to discuss I want to suggest you add a seat belt to that chair you keep how you’d like to handle all the presentation stuff...]] falling out of, especially at your own jokes. That’s dangerous. [...] Or maybe you have narcolepsy? Falling down when hearing or seeing a joke is a symptom; when Patrick and Teresa “Swear for Claire” is a subject I mean to tackle when I get to Nielsen Hayden lived in Seattle so many years ago, Teresa the letter column, though I might just start an alternate frequently fell over when anything made her laugh. I can project of “Swear at Nic”. I have a vague memory of Dick remember her falling down in crosswalks, even, which was Geis once telling me, in answer to some letter of comment I the result of cruel people deliberately telling her jokes at wrote him, to practice saying “fuck” to myself in a mirror such inconvenient times. until it felt natural. I’ve always been restrained in sweariness. [[Narcolepsy isn’t the likely cause, nor shall I bang on about the metaphorical nature of the phrase. soon to be a 47-page [[I think my best sweary interaction was with Art Widner. epic issue of Captain Flashback (probably) [falls off chair]. He upbraided me (in person) with “I want to talk to you I’m reminded, though, of complaining at Corflu Valentine about your language” and I was treated to a continuous

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diatribe over several minutes, ostensibly about my own foul In This Here...’s case there’s a small tad over a hundred in mouth yet containing more swearies in that brief lecture direct email circulation, most of whom don’t loc with any than I might get through in almost a whole day. I was frequency (or at all), but will advise me from time to time suitably impressed (and dumbstruck)... ]] that they do RAE with mumbled gratitude accompanied by So sad when athletes die younger than seems right; same the shuffling of old but comfortable slippers toward their goes for nearly any public figures and any friends or family. respective art studios and sewing rooms...]] But as I’ve said before, I’m not a footy fan and don’t care Taral’s repeating complaints about fanzines and fandom are what makes a world class player. ones that he’s made often. I’m surprised that he keeps on [...] keeping on. Does he expect to change hearts and minds? Still, I wouldn’t want Taral to stop doing anything that gives Okay, so what do we do about a problem like A Hooper? I him a bit of comfort, and he’s such a good artist and writer send him emails of comment. He’s a good friend and I like that we’d all miss him if he took himself out of the his writing and his company. He does get obsessed with fanisphere. different subjects - his dive into the Marx Brothers was even deeper than he let on in Captain Flashback #19, and now he’s Possibly he does mean that he hasn’t read any current sf gone deep into the connections between Orson Welles and since the ‘80s, when Kim Stanley Robinson started writing. The Shadow. I'm not complaining - if I’m not interested in a On the other hand, maybe he simply means it in a more topic (like wars between nearly-forgotten Central Asian literal way, that he doesn't read new sf. After all, Robinson is nomads), I just skip over that portion and read his Turbo writing new stuff all the time, which is why he’s being APA mailing comments, which I find engaging despite not interviewed in Locus. (Though Taral may have seen a piece getting any other Turbozine, and his Entropy Reprints. about Robinson in an actual fanzine; I can’t imagine that he even glances at the News Magazine of the SF World.) As for his complaint about not getting response, I will write to Andy with an idea or two. But let me ask you about your [[If you have a fault, Killer, it’s in attempting to parse responses: do they all come from people to whom you send others’ motivations, which is something we’ve all been This Here... directly, or do people respond to the zine being guilty of here and there, I know, but I’ve latterly tried to posted on efanzines? avoid doing it myself with varying success, I’m sure. We can (and do) conjecture along the lines of “what the fuck are they [[And there, as Steve Bell said, I believe Mr. Finger has put thinking?”, and bantz ensues, but having given much public his bollocks on it. The vast majority (though not always the expression of my own thought processes in these pages and totality) of response to This Here... is from those who get elsewhere, I want to resist describing those of others, since the zine by direct email rather than tripping over it on the just-arriving DoBFO memo reminds me that I have little efanzines, or in some cases having it recommended or enough cognizance of how my own work, so how the fuck forwarded to them by others, so it’s a fair conclusion that could I sensibly pontificate on those of others?...]] simply bunging an apazine (or anything else) up there is no guarantee that it’ll be even looked at, let alone responded to. He’s right that there are few new fan artists, and many of the A relevant quote I may, apparently, have previously old ones have either passed away or stopped producing. inaccurately attributed to Claire Brialey is clarified (at my Efanzines shows evidence of some new fanzine producers, request) as follows: but they use clip art, photos, or other materials from the 'net, and they don't know the artists. And Alan White’s not the Mark Plummer writes: only one still doing work. Ulrika O’Brien, your honored Our colophon: “We see [Banana Wings] as a personal Beam co-editor, has been doing more and more good work; communication between us and a couple of hundred friends, Ken Fletcher, Marc Schirmeister, and Sue Mason are still available on editorial whim although typically copies may be around and just waiting, I’ll bet, for someone to ask them. sent in response to letters, trade fanzines, other interesting (Someone around here may just ask Taral if he’d be willing stuff, stamps, cash or just because we think you’ll be to do a cover for a fanzine that's been conspicuous by its interested.” absence for two or three years.) I think the phrase was mine originally although obviously it's [[The list of fanwriters is inevitably lengthier than the list of a statement of household position. As best I can tell, we first fanartists in the upcoming The Incompleat Register, but as used it on #57 (November 2014). Before that we tended to say: of this moment there are 25 fanartists listed, and I expect “[Banana Wings] is essentially available on editorial whim more to be added shortly as I do catchup. Not my definition although typically copies will be sent in response to letters, of “few”, though “few new” may be arguable...]] trade fanzines, other interesting stuff, stamps, cash or because Later in his letter, Taral suggests that starting Retro FAAn we think you’ll be interested.” Awards might be impractical and, suspects “it would only give fans even more reasons to argue”. Didn’t this make you

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fall off your chair, Nic? I guess that Taral didn’t hear about meant to give an example of better news but instantly forgot all the arguing that took place after this year's Retro Hugos what it was - a fine illustration of the point he was making. I were awarded, so he didn’t realize just how far Mike Glyer’s do hope he can find his way to the next Corflu, as I’d love to tongue was shoved into his cheek. meet him. [[Fans arguing is hardly a [falls off chair] moment...]] Later in his letter, David says “...they’re beyond the pale for Leigh Edmonds explains a recent Australian media fuss by you, if that phrase is still politically correct”. I’m not sure suggesting that the bad behavior the prime minister was why it wouldn’t be, as I've always thought it had something warning the cabinet ministers against was, in the US, “not to do with a region in Eastern Europe called “the Pale”, the kind of thing that upstanding Christian men do”, while beyond which us Jews were not allowed to live. Well, a quick in Australia “it didn't look good in the media”. I’d suggest Google tells me it’s got to do with the English rule of Ireland. that the same motivation applies here as in his home So I can see now why a British person would think twice. I country: it's bad optics. And I would be surprised if no one will need to do deeper research to see why the Pale isn’t a in Australia is a socially conservative Christian. part of Poland or Ukraine. [[In the “good old days” recalled by the BOACA contingent, [[There are so many terms which arose from the Irish before outright lying became politics as usual, it was Question. If you have five minutes, I suggest looking up the considered the most egregious offense to be caught out for origin of the word “boycott”...]] lying to Parliament. The advice given to those who had done So you and Claire Brialey go around again on the subject of this (even inadvertently) was “Stand up. Apologize. Shut up. swearing, and in particular, words referring to parts of our Sit down”...]] anatomies that are meant as insults. I don’t often swear, You mention in responding to another section of Leigh's being somewhat reserved in that, and saving the words for comments that I printed out a “b/w copy for ease of when I’m really moved to anger or frustration. And I avoid reading”. I printed out a copy for ease of reading, but it was specifically female-based words. I’ve certainly been around in black and white because I’m stingy with the colored toner. people who use “fuck” or “fucking” as some people use And I printed this issue in full color because there wasn’t so “like”. I’ve also been around a few women who would call much of it as in the past several This Here...s. each other “crack” as an endearment. Seems strange to me. I never met Kathy Acker, but David Cockfield’s unfortunate Claire doesn’t approve of your addition of tomatoes to exchange with her reminded me of my brief meeting with cheese sandwiches, but one of the best I ever had was one Starhawk in 1993. Don’t you remember her? She was a hero such. I was staying with Sally Beasley and Dave Luckett and of the Neo-Pagan movement, having written two of the their housemate Mick in Perth in 1983, and Mick made me most popular books on the subject, The Spiral Dance and the sandwich - I don’t recall what kind of cheese it was, Dreaming the Dark. A friend gave me her novel as a Beltane though I may have included the variety in my DUFF trip gift: The Fifth Sacred Thing. It’s a story of how a New Age report. spiritual leader helps a revolution in oppressive and I liked the meme mixing the Who and the Utah Monolith, authoritarian California. Starhawk was doing a reading and and wondered myself who Bobby London might be. I did signing at a Seattle bookstore, so I hauled myself and the some Google searching, finding a likely candidate but not book down to Elliott Bay Books. the image you reproduced (I also looked Her book reminded me strongly of A Mask through Al Sirois’ FBF postings, but for the General, by Lisa Goldstein, also set couldn’t find it there, either). My in and around San Francisco. So as candidate is the cartoonist who did Starhawk signed on the title page, I asked underground comix like Dirty Duck and her if she had read or known of that novel. contributed to Air Pirate Funnies. He The look I got could have slit my throat. works in a style derived from E.C. Segar How unwise I was. and George Herriman. He even drew (and wrote, I think) a revival of Thimble [[Never heard of her, unsurprising due to Theater a few years ago. my massive disinterest in “New Age” twaddle...]] Bonnie Raitt is a very good choice for Ageless Beauty. Let me suggest Christine In my letter, I called the letter column Baranski for your next issue. “lively”, and that’s all I meant, at least consciously. And that at last is all. Smell you later? Nah, Zoom doesn’t have Smell-o-Rama. [[Or at least “pre-dead”...]] I laughed when David Redd wrote that he ✻ ✻ ✻

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From: [email protected] [[I’m with you on what seems to be the crying need of every December 9 TV series to have a “teachable moment”, or as us BOACAs might say, “get fuckin’ preachy”. I don’t see that so much in Perry Middlemiss writes: ST:D, though - but I can see the criticism that they’re trying Re your idea of a Swear for Claire December Project: mate, to cram in a lot of Easter eggs for the fanboys and fangirls, we don’t need no fuckin’ project, we're quite capable of but I must also admit that I’m as goshwow reflexively swearing on our own thanks very much. Just recently I heard susceptible to them as anyone. Trills! Orions! Cor! (ect). A the actor Cate Blanchett using the term “we’re not here to lot of these shows could take notes from the ‘Watchmen’ fuck spiders” on some English chat show. Lovely phrase, miniseries which made its points superbly without having to wish I’d heard it previously. I suspect this may well be take time out to lecture the audience directly...]] Sydney-based as they tend to have the larger spiders: ours in Movies and TH... are helping me to survive lockdown but Victoria will probably kill you, those in NSW will probably the tolerance level of sex and violence, swearing in your case, kill you, and then eat you. They’re weird in Sydney. has certainly changed since my youth. Television now would I have also watched the YouTube video of David Bowie be shocking and banned in 1967 when at the age of 16 I was impersonating Mick Jagger as related by Jerry Kaufman. released from two years incarceration at the Stannington What Jerry failed to mention was that Bowie went on to Children’s Hospital/Sanitorium in Morpeth, imply that it was this incident (among probably many Northumberland, others) that made him want to get into the music industry. To my adolescent joy I discovered the Stoll Cinema on From such little things... Westgate Road, Newcastle upon Tyne. It was a beautiful old ✻ ✻ ✻ theatre that had been converted to a cinema specialising in From: [email protected] films containing as much sex and violence as was permissible with an X certificate. December 10 You had to be 16 or over. The age limit was raised to 18 in David Cockfield writes: 1970. Just when I thought my luck was changing for the better Many were older foreign films that were just finding their what happens? TH... 36 arrives in my InBox. way into the UK. I have fond memories of some wonderful Now I have to rack my meagre brain to create a loc worthy films over the next 4 years. of inclusion in your next issue. My innocence was on the verge of corruption. Okay, I know that you print all and any old crap that I send Puss and kram 1967 (Hugs and Kisses). An intelligent you but I do strive to be better. Swedish sex comedy infamous for the first lingering [[falls off chair...]] exposure of a George W Bush by actress Agnetha Ekmanner. Vaccines have arrived and I guess that I am only about I Am Curious Yellow/Blue 1967/1968 with the chubby delights 6,000,001 in the queue. Older people are naturally a priority. of Lena Nyman. That way we can check that there will not be a massive infection turning the over 80s into The Walking Dead. I can just see them now shuffling over the cuckoo’s nest, false teeth abandoned in glasses of Steradent, trying to suck people to death. As usual I enjoyed your issue, fanzine that is, from top to bottom. Unfortunately I struggled to get a hook on anything other than two miniscule mentions praising ‘ST Discovery’. That programme has good moments but the lengthy emotional let’s all kiss, hold hands, or any available appendage, and declare our love for each other, the Universe, endangered species, the environment, and all the nasty evil murderers we should not kill, makes me want to regurgitate the copious quantities of ice cream, wine, whisky, and beer that I have had to consume just to get through an episode. It is not as if season 3 has an original SF plot or concept. It is just a rehash of Gene Rodenberry’s ‘Andromeda’. All we need is Kevin Sorbet.

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I ended up more interested in the social politics rather than my house. The state and local region of Massachusetts the extensive exposure of female flesh. declared a weather/travel emergency, which means that The Long Swift Sword of Siegfried 1971. By then Sybil Danning even tho I got orders this morning I won’t be able to go standing up naked in a bath did have my undivided anywhere until tomorrow morning, at the earliest. attention. I am digging out in stages. I did the front steps right away, Best of all though were the weekends with imported horror since if I don’t clear the snow off there, it will freeze into films. glaze ice which is treacherous in the extreme. An hour later I went out to dig out a path behind the car. In these situations Goliath and the Vampires 1961. A nastier take on the normal I park down at the very bottom of the driveway as close to peplum movie with Gordon (Tarzan) Scott. the street as I can get without the possibility of the car being Crypt of the Vampire 1964. Christopher Lee as Count rammed by a snow plow or buried under snow plow dump. Karnstein in an early Italian horror. The bottom of the driveway is sheltered by some trees, so the The Flesh Eaters 1964. An American movie that has a snow was only a foot deep there, and since it is still very reputation as one of the first “gore” movies. It scared the shit cold, with no sun, it was all powdery, which made digging out of me because the flesh eating creatures were in the out easier than I expected. In another hour or so I will go water. Something that I have had a fear of all my life. back out and sweep off the car and try to dig out the mailbox. Planet of the Vampires 1965. An incredibly stylish horror/ SF feature from Mario Bava. Digging out the mailbox so the PO carrier can get to the box is always the hardest part of these chores, so I invariably They don’t make ‘em like that anymore. leave it till last. This tedious chore is made more frustrating [[My dear friend and maniac Don Miller probably has all because I never know when a late snow plow might come those movies in his collection of awful esoterica...]] along and fill in all the cleared out space I’ve made. I would Now even every other programme on tv after the 9pm like to get some mail today. My SFPA apa mailing was sent watershed is full of sex, nudity, violence, rape, murder, gore, out almost three weeks but it still hasn’t arrived, and I horror, and adverts asking us to contribute to the welfare of suspect that despite their lip service paid to neither rain, cute animals. snow sleet & bullshit stopping their appointed rounds, that the PO trucks will not be running today. No wonder the World is full of insensitive shitty people these days. Anyway, not to bore you with my winter toils. [[Too late!...]] I read about your ZOOM experiences with interest. I have On a high note thankfully a President or Prime Minister is no video/computer camera and have no great interest in not for life, just a few Christmases. buying one either, but I have been able to plug into some I hope that you all have a great holiday with Bing and Danny zoom conferences via telephone only. I have experienced at the Inn. one conference that was chaotic with everybody trying to out ✻ ✻ ✻ scream everybody else in pathetic attempts to draw attention From: fabfi[email protected] to themselves, but most of the other zoom experiences I have had (not many I’ll grant), were club meetings where there December 17 was a designated moderator who ran things and recognized Bob Jennings writes: people to speak, or, more importantly shut people up when Received This Here... #36 a week or so ago; thanks for they tried to interrupt or over dominate the subject under sending it along. Wow! It was a bit of a shock to realize how discussion. I don’t know if something like that would work long it’s been since I sent along an LOC on the zine. I plead with the zoom calls to the UK fans, but it might be worth the pressures of an extremely busy season with my mail suggesting. My other bi-weekly zoom meeting of friends is order book biz. I realize the Time Of The Plague has been seriously considering using a rotating moderator style to very difficult for many people, with multi-thousands of keep the potential chaos under control. different businesses and occupations shut down or reduced Amusing story about your apartment party where Ian Sales to a mere tickle of their previous operations, but as I have puked over the balcony so hard his glasses also went along mentioned before, this has been a boom period of me, with for the ride, landing on the roof of the pub just below. You sales consistently coming in at about three times my normal didn’t mention the comments the barkeep relayed after level. coming down with the specs. Even with the vomit and other This means I am working a lot, and have very little time for unique debris semi-dried he must have realized that you anything else, especially fanac. Today is a good day to try to folks were using the balcony for something besides viewing do some catching up because we just got hit with the first the landscape or storing bags full of trash till pick-up day. major blizzard of the year. Eighteen inches of snow fell on

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[[We rather guessed that the puke and the glasses had keeps popping up again like an unwelcome phoenix, or one trajectories that were sufficiently separated...]] of those perennial stink weed flowers that bloom every year Some of the difference between British fans meeting in pubs or so and only attract flies or carrion feeders with their and American fans meeting at conventions or house parties noxious aromas. Repeating the same things over again is basically a matter of distance. People live closer together doesn’t make those comments any less relevant. in the UK. In the US the urge has always been to spread out. 1) These days fans interact on multiple social media In addition, for the past fifty or sixty years in the US there platforms that make commentary and correspondence has been a steady decline in consumption of beer and instantly available. alcohol, including steady social pressure against drinking, 2) There are too many other things these days to distract a particularly against drinking and driving. If you live in this person’s attention entertainment wise, including vast country, you might be able to walk to a friend’s place, or a amount of SF/fantasy material. local bistro, but more often you have to drive or take public 3) Most fanzines these days are delivered for free by email transportation to get there. Coming back smashed often with no restrictions of any kind which makes them very easy results in accidents, or, being nabbed by the police for to just read and then forget. driving intoxicated which can result in having your driver’s license suspended, and your insurance cancelled or the rates 4) Many more issues are posted for free on the efanzines.com jacked up sky-high, plus lawyers fees website. and other problems, including the 5)Most modern fans just aren’t incident being reported to your isolated they way fans were in past employer. decades which means there is no [[Been there, done that of course. longer a pressing need for inter-fan Another issue is the availability of contact and experiences like in the public transport, which seems much old, pre-internet/pre convention lesser in the US than it did in the UK, explosion days. although those in more rural areas of [[Some of these points are valid, but Britain would be somewhat ill-served some are tenuous to an extent. While in going a bit of distance, then again many participate (and you’d assume, there’s always a pub within walking enjoy) the instant gratification of distance. The last place I lived in social media, others avoid them Maryland was served by two buses a completely, and even those that do day, more if I was prepared to walk a inhabit FBF are shurely aware of its couple of miles, so I do have a bit of a ephemeral nature - try finding a post larf at city-dwellers who inevitably by someone 5 minutes after you last moan about their supposed lack of saw it. The “distraction” argument being able to get around...]] doesn’t hold water either. Yes, there’s The acceptable alternative is to attend lots of stuff going on, but I’d suggest conventions, which were extremely not really more than there might have numerous all across the country up been in days of yore, since the until the Year Of The Plague, where most convention hotels limiting factor is time, and what you choose to do with it. I had bar facilities, or there was a good restaurant with a also don’t agree that receiving a zine free via email is suitable bar close by so fans who wanted to drink could do somehow a disincentive to response - it’s just the new so without having to drive. Increasingly in this new century “usual”, since typically you wouldn’t have paid money for a a lot of the main con function rooms have their own beer and paper zine you got in the regular mail either...]] wine offerings so people don’t even have to leave the Some gleeful older acti-fans chortled that the shutdowns and convention area to knock back a few and get mellow. isolation caused by The Plague this year would [...] automatically result in an increase in fan correspondence and A Retro FAAn Award? Why not? It would have as much a big jump in the number of LOCs sent out, but of course relevance as the Retro-Hugo Awards. that hasn’t happened. The reality is that even as frustrated as fans are with having lots of extra time forced on them, [[Yes it would, and go to your room...]] most have used the extra days to read down some of the On the never-ending subject of why fans these days don’t piles of unread books every fan seems to have, or to binge write many LOCs any more; jeeze, I would have thot this watch and catch up on all the old TV and movies they had subject had been beaten to death years before now, but it stored back for a rainy day.

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Despite having plenty of extra hours because of the Well, that replaces a couple of previous-draft paragraphs. coronavirus restrictions, the fact is that most fans these days Wish I could have stuck with those. Good news? Some. Just simply don’t have much to say, and most of them don’t family and friends staying healthy is good news. My really know how to write a meaty LOC in the first place. granddaughter tested negative after being a contact; she [[And there you have made a good point, perhaps, although came out of isolation in her bedroom free and healthy this there’s plenty of us who either still work (albeit from home) week. (A friend’s grandson of the same age has had to and still must adhere to a workday schedule - also noting isolate three times this term; that’s a lot of time out.) And the Steve Jeffery’s remarks that he has less free time since he’ll family has a new Welsh sheepdog puppy – new pets have often work longer - and those of us who still have to go out been a stunning growth industry over lockdown, with to work. In my case that’s reduced hours, but I’ve still been ordinary non-pedigree pets, often giveaways last year, now putting in a 50+ hour week (down from 60) ...]] fetching £1,000. I get lots of three or four line emails whenever I put out an [[Ultra-capitalism at work. Some arseholes are going to find issue of Fadeaway, saying how much they liked the issue and any way they can to monetize anything, especially over here. would I please keep them on the mailing list. I’m sure you I’m minded to paraphrase an old Andy Capp cartoon strip get a load of those too, but as frustrating as that may be for a with the conversation “The US dollar is only worth 0.8 Euro faned, that kind of abbreviated response seems to be the only now”. “Lucky we don’t have many of them, then.”...]] way most fans these days know how to respond to a fanzine Recent good news at a local wildlife park. Folly Farm has they read and enjoyed. That’s the harsh reality. gained some jolly little Macquarie penguins, they of the Complaining about it endlessly isn’t going to change the rakish yellow head feathers, from a closed-down wildlife reality either. I still try to write real LOCs whenever I have centre in England. More new arrivals this month: four pink- the time. Today I had some time, so I’m sending this one out backed pelicans as part of the European Breeding to you Nic. The fact that I haven’t commented on other Programme, and they’ll be worth seeking out next visit. issues doesn’t mean I didn’t read and enjoy your zine; it just Look, I know these wildlife snippets aren’t much in the means that unlike everybody else, I really don’t have much grand scheme of things, but they’re good. time to spare for anything. But if extra hours come available, Meanwhile I went for a beach walk to clear my head, good I will certainly try to write more LOCs. timing as lockdown descended soon after. I'm glad I got [[I actually don’t get that much in the way of sloncs or some sea air when I did. Very nice on Broad Haven as usual, ‘RAEBNC’, in fact...]] the scenery wonderful, the people with children and dogs, ✻ ✻ ✻ all happy and well-spaced, even a small horse-drawn trotting carriage going up and down the sand. The shoreline pebbles looked nice and tidy (must have had a good From: [email protected] litterpick from Surfers Against Sewage or someone). Just two December 21 troubling details hit me: a shortage of shells and marine life David Redd writes: except seagulls, and on the uppermost tidemark a fringe of tiny plastic fragments, colourful but strung out in dead Thanks for your latest. Much appreciated that you keep thousands where once I’d have seen wrack, popweed, them coming all through the world’s troubles. I’ve sat down sandfleas and the like. Oh dear. Seeing that lot, indicating so several times to write this letter on the instalment principle, much more unseen below choking microlife, and knowing but a day or so later it’s out of date. Currently, Wales is in that Chinese trawlers are hoovering up everything bigger, national lockdown with promised freedoms for Christmas joy faded. I think we’ve lost the sea. Would like to be largely cancelled, an infectious variant of Covid-19 “out of wrong. control” but thankfully seeming no more deadly or long- term debilitating than the existing – as far as we know. Due Of course this led to me finding another 4.00 a.m. scribble to the new strain here, other countries are increasingly beside the bed. I’d also seen more local greenery being built shutting off contact with the UK as I write - a little taste of over in recent months - there goes our oxygen - which didn’t Brexit? - hence supermarket warnings of gaps on shelves real help. Here’s an edited transcription, since it mentioned a soon now. But tomorrow may be different. As for the real kind of Radio Winston moment. BBC Scotland (also Brexit, negotiations are still dragging on, with our fall-back YouTube) lately let me catch up with Karine Polwart and her plan basically no-deal and let our economy fall off a cliff. I’m band performing Ivor Cutler’s “Women of the World” – even crossing multiple fingers now. Hope by the time you publish more minimalist than his classic “Little Black Buzzer” – next you can delete this bit and slide in some more cheerful which (I interpolate) seemed very appropriate to a world comment. where plastic and tarmac outweigh living things. Entire lyrics: “Women of the world take over / Because if you don’t [[Maybe the next one mate. I tried but failed to have this the world will come to an end / And we haven’t got long.” seasonal offering as all-chirrup, after all...]]

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Evidently the amazing Mr Cutler was another one watching unsurprisingly Indian grocery stores themselves which carry the Fermi Paradox being played out here on Planet Earth. a fair few products as well. These are spread out a bit and Human beings can detect gravitational waves and bring back not always entirely convenient for me to get to, mind. moon rocks, but the same species has crime cartels and self- There’s a chippy a few miles away which has got ga-ga perpetuating militias who kidnap children or massacre reviews on the FBF expat group I’m in, apparently supplying farmers. Pity. I’ve had these gloomy moments for decades real deal fish, chips & mushy peas. With typical humor it’s and they don’t get any better. (End of transcript.) Just wish I called “The Codfather”. I’ve also discovered a small business could sleep soundly all night through, but that doesn’t baker (originally from Essex) from whom I am highly happen any more. tempted to order a Bakewell tart...]] [[Fuckin’ tricky not to be gloomy and doomy really, but I’m Elsewhere, a Poly Styrene solo album? Missed it, pity, really making a point of thinking about what we do still have and haven’t been paying attention. feeling a bit more all right. I usually sleep well enough - Usual thanks again, usual apologies for proofreading etc. drink and being knackered helps...]] Looked through it now and think it may just about make Thinking of people wide awake at 4.00 a.m., I remember half sense, but even my eyes glazed over. a century ago, the Daily Mail had a feature on what sleepless P.S. - I told you puppies were big business now - this popped folk were doing at that hour. I was delighted to read that one up from my Bank... Michael Moorcock was tapping away at a new book, The Final Programme. Also around that time when rewriting someone’s pulp thriller he added a character called Arthur ✻ ✻ ✻ Moorcock and included the sentence “Moorcock could do From: [email protected] with some good publicity.” How lovely. I hope my memory December 23 isn’t faulty about this. Lloyd Penney writes: Well, this is meant to be a LoC on TH...36, although this was an issue where our interests overlapped less than usual. No Well, the big expensive day is almost here, and I am devoting less appreciated though. When your response to a fanzine an hour or so a day to catching up with fanzines. Now to see replete with Marx Bros more-than-you-ever-wanted was less if that’s enough. At least it’s helping me get through the than enthusiastic, I thought, “Must be one for me, then.” I zines waiting for some attention. Here’s some time devoted promptly headed over to efanzines for Captain Flashback and to responding to This Here… 36. yes, my kind of good stuff, e.g. Marx stage shows I’d been Too many Zoom calls. I had one of them yesterday, one with only vaguely aware of before. (Been a long time since I read our Third Monday group, and I could have had another with Harpo Speaks!) Thanks guys. But it does take all sorts, etc. the BCSFA group, except they were on at the same time. I At least you yourself don't just ignore things, you speak up... could be on two a day if I wanted it, but Zoom… it’s a good [[Andy Hooper would love a loc on that, I’m sure...]] idea, but it’s like talking to pictures. I’d like to jump into a First Thursday Zoom event, but sometimes, the 5 or 6 hour Here in Wales, der fussball this month is a little differential is simply too much. One day, I’d like to return to overshadowed by rugby problems, i.e. players suing over the Bishop’s Finger. Canadian fans don’t have many of either historic concussion – rugby fans used to glory in the fact that house parties or pub nights, but we have been trying to it had gone from contact sport to collision sport – all this change that. post-80s ramping-up of intensity in everything comes at a price. American football has been there already, of course, [[Funnily enough I was in on that BCSFA Zoom, hosted by R and the whole business reawakens worries about round-ball Graeme Cameron, whom I am sorely tempted to refer to as heading. “Notorious RGC”, and your name was mentioned (mostly by me), so it would have been appropriate if you’d have been Intrigued by Lloyd Penney’s mention of British grocery there to defend yourself [falls off chair]...]] shops in Toronto. Plural! Can there be a continuation of nostalgic tastes buds down through the generations? Looking forward to The Incompleat Register 2020. With luck, it can be as complete as possible this year. I have promised to [[We’ve got a few here an’all, though places like the take part in things, and I will. International Market aren’t wholly British - there’s a Brit section in there which is decent, and naturally carries loads [[Oh, it’ll be as “incompleat” as ever, I’m sure, but I’ll of Indian sauces, pickles and spices. Other spots are continue to maintain that at least in this case the perfect

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should not be the enemy of the good, or even the merely I have had some practice in doing that, although as you’ll adequate...]] have noticed I’m out of the habit now. Over 25 years ago I I had never heard of the 1961 version of fanzine awards… worked for a boss who didn’t swear and really didn’t like hope some more information can be dug up. As for swearing, and who asked us all not to do so around the swearing, try Québécois French, the worse the swearing, the office. Since my reactions to the slings and arrows of holier the words are. “Tabernac de sacre criss de pape!” I’ve outrageous fortune tend to be quite exclamatory, I thought just sworn a blue streak. I’d better prepare myself for the next time another government department announced something appalling for I have made some true headways into the folder of Zines To the environment without consulting us first or a minister Loc on my desktop, and I think I might even complete the wanted yet another eleventh-hour rewrite of a document; I task by the end of the year. But one thing I have to do, and liked my boss and didn’t want to cause her further irritation that is schedule time to begin to write a letter of comment on or distress. And so I fell back on knowledge gained from Outworlds 71. If we have about six months to get some reading, in this case my experience of novels set in the late response in, I’d best be getting started asap. nineteenth century. ‘Curse it!’ I would remark when, for [...] As someone of Scots origin, I’d rather see Scots as well, instance, I dropped a carefully sorted and ordered pile of but Scottish will do in a pinch. [...] papers all over the floor. ‘Will someone answer that If ST:Discovery has been impressing you the same way it’s confounded thing?’ I would suggest when an unattended been impressing me, what do you think of… Carl? Janet phone started ringing, again, as I was trying to listen to Kidder was great, remember Margot well, and every so often another call over a bad line from Brussels. I rather took to it. in Toronto, Margot’s sister Annie shows up in the news, In my next posting, however, I got a boss who I liked just as usually as a public education advocate. much but who had joined the civil service in a mid-life career [[Carl who?...]] change after having been a teacher for several decades. She’s the one who’s gone down in the personal shorthand of my We are now entering our second 28 days of lockdown, but career nostalgia as ‘the boss who taught me to swear’. not until we’ve done all our Christmas shopping, which Perhaps more to the point – being quite familiar with a wide could infect thousands more. Anyway, we are ready, got all range of swear words, partly due to hanging around sf our gifts and good foods, and we are ready to celebrate. We fandom for nearly ten years by then – she was the boss who wish you and Jennifer the best of holidays, and 2021 should taught me how to be comfortable with swearing at work, not be stellar, mostly because it won’t be 2020 any more. See you least through picking my audience. The anecdote I’m most then. likely to tell about her these days is unrelated to work other [[FBF post shared by my old friend and mega-geekgirl than it being part of a conversation about swearing that we Allison Douglass : “Jan 1 2021 - We did it guys! That awful had in the office, and is rather about swearing as a parent year is behind us! August 4 2021 - The snake wolves have (something about which, of course, I’ve never had cause to taken Illinois. Here’s what that means for Ohio volcano worry). The shorthand version of that one is ‘Please, refugees”. I commented “Not sure whether to laugh or cry”, darlings, never say “fuck” to Granny again’. to which Alli added: “You’ll be crying once the snake wolves form an alliance with the mole people from Mars and finish the job.”...]] ✻ ✻ ✻ From: claire.fi[email protected] December 24 Claire Brialey writes: When I read your ‘Swear for Claire’ piece my first instinct was, of course, to let rip with a volley of cheerful profanity in response. (Please don’t tell my mother about this letter; she’d like to think she brought me up better than this.) My second thought was instead to send a letter full of not-swearing; that is, rather than avoiding any expletive moments at all, to substitute all the obscenities with more socially acceptable variants. That, I thought, would make you swear… There’s a risk that this entire letter will just be musing on swearing, although since you’re someone who appreciates [[Fuckin-A...]] good TV I have to mention – while, I suspect, not being the only person to whom this occurs – the epic opening scene of

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an early episode of The Wire. It’s from ‘Old Cases’, the fourth opinion that Nic Cage must need money pretty badly episode of the first season, and it’s inevitably known as ‘the (again). I’ve always found it more than a bit amusing that Fuck Scene’1. The scenario is relatively simple: two police there’s a puritanical streak in Americans which considers detectives are re-examining a murder scene which they “damn” to be beyond the pale, also noting that the seventh suspect was not thoroughly investigated before; from their of Carlin’s list was “tits”. I’m also recalling an old episode observations and deductions, they’ve able not only to work of ‘Till Death Us Do Part’ in which Else Garnett decides that out what happened but to link it to a major ongoing Alf’s “Silly Old Moo” remark is not at all nice and would he narcotics investigation. In the course of events… they say please not do that any more. The next time he starts on it (as ‘fuck’ a lot. In fact, subject to expansions and grammatical far as “Silly old...”, he gets the look and the “nah-ah” from variations, they say virtually nothing else. For three and a the family, and after a short pause says “Bitch” through half minutes. clenched teeth. “That’s better”, says Else...]] [[Having just watched episode 2 of the new version of ‘The Mind you, it wasn’t until we saw a passing trailer for the Stand’, there’s a very similar scene (in terms of dialogue) online box set of Father Ted – it’s been ages since we watched with just the one character slogging through unsavory bits anything with adverts in, but after much enthusiasm from of the New York sewer system - not that I’m supposing there various fans whose sense of humour we trust we’ve been might be some hitherto undiscovered savory bits which mainlining Taskmaster through Channel 4’s catch-up service – wouldn’t have been as dramatic, would it?...]] that I realised it’s Father Jack from whom I got my occasional I gather it came about after a sustained burst of police grumpy exclamation ‘Arsebiscuits!’ That’s not on Ofcom’s profanity at a crime scene – possibly in another drama, list. rather than real life – led to an observation that some day While I’m in telly territory I should confirm that we enjoyed they’d get to the point where everyone would be able to Away. (You’re right about the increasing incentive to re-read communicate using only that one word. Add that to Voyage, though.) The pacing surprised me, which isn’t a complaints about the language in The Wire, and the scene criticism; I’d misjudged which parts of the journey would be was set. covered and when. Some of the character and relationship I saw in The Guardian that there’s to be a Netflix – never was arcs managed to surprise me too – not that they felt your Netfux alternative more appropriate – short history of implausible, but rather that some of it was pleasingly less swearing, in six parts. It’s due to start in early January with predictable than it might have been. And all the images of Nicolas Cage hosting. Meanwhile, The Independent reported space were wonderfully done, so I was happy. I liked how it recently that Ofcom, the UK communications regulator, has ended, too; presumably it was set up so that there could be – ranked English swearwords2 so we don’t have to. (I thought or even should be – a season 2, but at least there was I’d mentioned this already but must have decided that I’d resolution in the main storyline. banged on about Bad Words generally too much as it was. [[Apparently there was supposed to be a season 2. For a Now that we’re in SFC month, however, it seems all the more change I didn’t read ahead about the show, but got the relevant.) I’d quibble a bit with their list – which actually just impression that the s1 ending was going to be an unresolved divides terms into four categories rather than fully ranking cliffhanger, and we were relieved that it wasn’t after all...]] them – but I draw the line at pondering all of this even more Lloyd Penney wrote that the US election was ‘…making to come up with my own detailed order. A few are words I television look bad, for they couldn’t have written that find offensive, and some I just find ugly (there are several on farcical post-election nonsense as episode TV if they had that list I don’t even recognise, mind you; not sure if that’s tried.’ Here I’ve been wondering how I’d have reacted to a down to my age or the influence of another language on fictional storyline which included Brexit and the plague, English, or indeed both), and many of the rest I find either insisting early on there must be no delays to the former mildly sweary or a bit crude but not actually rude. The notwithstanding the extra challenges that would bring with Netflix six – which sounds like a miscarriage of justice everything changing just after Christmas and New Year, and waiting to happen – are apparently ‘fuck’, ‘shit’, ‘bitch’, then introduced dramatic new mutations in the virus – made ‘dick’, ‘pussy’ and ‘damn’. worse by various things the UK government had done and [[I’ve noted (but not actually watched or listened to) trailers not done in previous months – just before the Christmas for the upcoming Netfux swearies show, and formed the they’d also insisted everyone must be allowed to have, while latterly encouraging people not to after all and then cancelling much of that anyway at the last minute, with the 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdfwFDZGnUk effect that we got to see what Brexit delays/shortages/panic 2 https://is.gd/DRpdhk – do not follow the link if you would look like ten days early… The presumably happy don’t want to see even more words like the ones we’ve been ending is that there is finally a trade deal agreed now, about bandying about. which I gather the best than can be said is ‘less shit than no

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deal’, provided of course you don’t care about any sort of as lore (or law) just about anything. I’m reminded of parliamentary scrutiny or trying to look as though the Novacons past (and a couple of other conventions), where business of government is meant to be less ramshackle than after the last dog had been hung and comprehensively also an ‘A’-team operation. It would perhaps help if the current drawn and quartered, Tobes (one of the privileged few UK government weren’t so very clearly quite a way further known by a mononym) and I would have the “last pint” (one down the alphabet than that. each, of course) to be consumed at the event. I vaguely (how [[One of the things you miss by not being on FBF is the else?) recall that the second time we did this as we were both excellent political commentary by Jane Carnall on this and mere minutes from the exit, I collared him with “C’mon other topics. I read it avidly...]] mate, we’ve got to have that last pint”, to which he replied “Yeah. Traditional, innit?”...]] We really need to decide tonight whether our Christmas rewatching binge this year is going to be The Bridge or I wasn’t sure I could give good loc at this stage on Christmas Battlestar Galactica. Although all this thinking about Eve when I feel unaccountably knackered – and you might government makes me think we need to go back over Borgen or might not be entertained to know that I initially typoed sometime too. ‘unaccountably’ by missing out the second ‘u’; I don’t think that one requires deep analysis – despite not being able to [[On the binge-ish from I’ve finally got around to ‘Titans’ on have any visitors this year. But I really wanted to write to HBO max. It’s a bit of a pain in the arse to access, because of you, and hadn’t managed it earlier (due probably to all the unfathomable technical issues occurring between HBO and chores that led to the knackeredness), and I’d made the Roku (the umbrella streaming service) we have to hook up a chocolate date cake and the mulled wine sorbet and the laptop to the tv to get to it, which will then randomly do chorizo and apple sausage rolls and the mini cheese scones; stuff like not transfer the sound. I’m well into the show itself so really there was nothing to be done other than to sit back - I do enjoy seeing where and how they deviate from comics with a couple of those last and half a can of Hoppy “canon” while staying close enough to the original Christmas and tell you all about it. It’s less coherent than I’d conceptions of the characters and not ripping it all up like even by my usual standards, but here it is; merry entirely. Conversely, I checked the first couple episodes of Christmas… Thanks very much for keeping the fanzine ‘Swamp Thing’ and couldn’t engage with it at all, despite my going this past year; it definitely feels to me that it’s helped. initial hopes in noting that Grant Morrison had nothing to do with it...]] I have to conclude with another musical offering, this time one for which we’re indebted to Dop who found it in the Different people will have different associations for the anime series Carole and Tuesday. Last year I retitled it ‘Smells morning after but I’m sure many of us are used to finding Like Boris Johnson’ but – although that still works as part of scribbled notes (digital or paper) to ourselves as reminders of the spirit of the age – I now think of it as ‘Song for 2020’: the quite brilliant ideas we had or entirely hilarious things that someone else said during some recent conversation. I’m https://youtu.be/TGoDtqI34nM not sure what it says about either you or me that my sole takeaway of that type from a recent chat we had was ✻ ✻ ✻ ‘inappropriate stains’.

[[You won’t be surprised that I don’t recall that phrase. We WAHF need context...]] William Breiding : “Love the satire quote. It hits deep.” ; Your slap at the virtual First Thursday as a ‘by now Joseph T Major, with the new ish of Alexiad, including Joe apparently “traditional” (translation: has occurred more than on James Bond (something I always enjoy his writing about) twice) virtual fanmeet’ seems uncharacteristically unfair, and Taras Wolansky reviewing both Away and The Queen’s though, given that it’s been happening consistently since Gambit with differing results ; Dave Langford ; George April, which was as soon as it needed to. However, if we’re Phillies : “As always your zine is most interesting. The file is being grumpy – and why not? – I share not only your dislike also amazingly large relative to the size of the zine. I’m for Valentine’s Day – or Icky Sicky Day as it’s known around surprised that my email server didn’t choke on it. It was here, borrowed from a friend over twenty years ago – but indeed a fine zine, though.” [[The increase in filesize over your reasons for that. I’m very much in favour of expressing previous ishes was mostly if not entirely due to the very love and affection, but not because there’s an annual high-resolution ‘China Lights’ photos from Anthony reminder in the calendar. Moore...]] ; John Purcell sends the latest Askew ; Alan White [[I wasn’t intending that as a knock on the virtual First Thursday itself, rather on the new ephemerality (which spellcheck seems to agree is a real word) of things, and the tendency of some denizens of the Faniverse to memorialize

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but I think they should have to preface their injections, live, INDULGE ME reading a statement that says “I wish to apologize to my constituents. COVID-19 is a real thing. It is not a hoax. I am ❊! STRAINING FOR EFFECT : Yeah, that’s kind of very sorry for my actions. Please wear a mask and get supposed to be a snowflake. Then again, the chaos star (as vaccinated.”” (Tracy Benton)... tattooed on my hand) is also good. Indulge me... ❊ CULINARY : Not exactly seasonal, but here’s how to ❊! DEDICATED TO THE HOBBY : Xmas morning make a proper “currey” (from 1748)... task - edits and comment on Claire Brialey’s loc. Requires drink, and Xmas playlist of relaxing jazz off the YoobToob in the background...

❊! UGLY XMAS JUMPERS (TRAD.) : Yeah, sorry, but the crude jarring absurdity of this made me larf...

❊ QUOTABLE : From journalist Jill Filipovic (the subject of the article isn’t especially relevant): “The rest of the story layers yikes upon cringe”...

❊ LATE-BREAKING (FOOTY) FUNNIES : Paul Skelton writes: I was reading the other night and Cas was listening to a footy match (Manchester City versus somebody-or-other) on the radio with her earphones in (Married togetherness in one’s early-to-mid seventies), when ❊ suddenly she burst out laughing. When I queried the cause ! RADIO WINSTON XMAS EXTRA : For some of her mirth she replied “The commentator just said “There’s reason I always thought that the band Spiraling must be Jesus, with all the time in the world to pick out a cross”.”... Canadian, even though they’re actually from - er - New Jersey. RW regulars will know that I post this annually, ❊ QUOTABLE (2) : Jon Chait, being emblematic about trying to find newer video versions which inevitably synch it 2020: “There was once a time, years ago, when ‘CEO falls for up with Xmas lights (as does this, from 2018). Non-RW Russian spy, goes mad, gets fired, becomes presidential regulars, just trust me on this. Do You Hear What I Hear? strategist’ would have been a major story in itself, not merely https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzCE7bD37z8 a colorful side plot”...

❊ WORD! : Use of the term “exponentially” seems to ❊ FOOTY FUNNIES EXTRA : Apparently there’s a be doubling every day... Watford FC Advent calendar - you open each window to find out who the manager is today... ❊ DECEMBER PROJECT: SFC UPDATE : I think it’s ❊ been going fairly fuckin’ well... CULINARY (2) : Perhaps only Judith Hanna (and/ or Joseph Nicholas, of course), after harvesting the ❊ RADIO WINSTON NON-XMAS EXTRA : Having allotment, could credibly state “Behold the fatted parsnips”... been noted by various co-signers to a DoBFO memo, I do ❊ HOW TO FIND THINGS OUT : For no discernible tend to go heavy on the musical references, to the extent of reason I was looking at the background to the old Chas & using names and lyric quotes as fanzine titles, so here’s your Dave slice ‘Rabbit’ (from Cockney rhyming slang “rabbit and occasional reminder of the source for this one (Ray Charles)... pork” = “talk”), and adjacently learned that during World https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0P5YPvcBiQ War 2 when meat was scarce, butchers sold rabbit with the head and tail still on so customers would know that they ❊ VAX POPULI : “I actually have no problems with weren’t in fact buying a cat... covid-denying politicians getting their vaccines up front --

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❊ AGELESS BEAUTY : Debbie Harry at 75... ❊ AGELESS BEAUTY (2) : The Killer (see locs) suggested Christine Baranski, but I honestly wasn’t impressed. Since there’s room, though, how about someone else who was in the Mamma Mia movie : Julie Walters...

MIRANDA THIS HERE... is (mostly) written, edited and produced by: Nic Farey, published on efanzines.com by the Grace of Burns. “Does he ride a red-nosed reindeer? Locs & that to: 2657 Rungsted Street, Las Vegas NV 89142, or Does a ton-up on his sleigh Email [email protected] Do the fairies keep him sober for a day?...” Art credits: Dan Piraro (p9) ; Alison Scott (pp10, 14, 17, 20)

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