Happily ever afterlife by Majorie Chiew(The Star, Malaysia，Monday June 17, 2013 )

The Chinese deem it rare for a living person to enter into a marriage with the dead, and if an attempt is done out of any agenda other than love, it goes against tradition.

THE Chinese believe in yin hun (ghost weddings) and usually, such a wedding is held if the families of the departed give their blessings. The norm is that a go- between would approach either family to convey the request of the departed who wants to enter into a spiritual marriage.

Sometimes, two lovers may have planned to get married, but when both perished (say in tragic accidents) before they could walk down the aisle, both their families may want to fulfill the vows of the ill-fated lovers by holding a spiritual wedding for them. In the ghost marriage held at a temple or the families’ homes, guests are invited to the wedding reception.

Sometimes, the deceased may desire to marry another deceased person and their wishes would be conveyed through dreams to someone they know, either a friend or a relative. A Taoist priest would be hired to conduct such a ceremony, so that both the deceased can be married off and live happily ever after in the afterlife.

Recently, Hong Kong Cable TV (iCable) came under criticism for planning to organise ghost weddings between their hosts and dead celebrities. The move was reportedly to boost the ratings of its popular paranormal programme, The Unbelievable.

Apparently, the major Chinese dailies reported that the show’s host Spencer Leung divulged plans for an arranged “ghost marriage” for late actress Barbara Yung Mei-ling or deceased actor-cum-DJ Paul Chung.

Leung said the plan was for him to marry Yung and another host, Shum Po Yee, to wed Chung.

A draw was held and Shum was picked to go through the ceremony first, Leung said. The ghost wedding was planned to be held at the end of this month and the event broadcast in August.

Ostensibly, the initial plan was to involve late superstars Anita Mui and Leslie Cheung, but those involved later backed down for fear of repercussions from fans of these celebrities. Kent Tong Chun-yip, Yung’s ex-boyfriend, was said to be fuming over the matter and felt that the TV station had no respect for the dead and their families. He slammed the plan as “a disgrace to the entertainment in-dustry”.

Apparently, permission from Chung’s family would be sought before proceeding with the wedding.

Yung, then 26, died of gas inhalation at the peak of her career in 1985 over her failed romance.

Four years later, Chung, who had huge gambling debts, was said to have jumped to his death from his apartment.

Lee Eng Kew, 47, a Taiping-based newspaper columnist who writes on Chinese culture in a local Chinese daily, said that a ghost wedding involves two deceased people.

“If one party is living and the other is dead, it is said that the living is “marrying/getting married to the ancestral tablet”.

Lee said if the living planned to enter into a marriage with the deceased, he or she would need to get consent from the deceased (in a ritual called kow pui in Cantonese) as well as the families of both parties.

In the old days, if a man who was alive took a deceased to be his wife in a ceremony, he could marry again, he said.

“However, if a woman who was alive got married to a deceased man, she was forbidden to remarry.”

Lee said that if a ghost marriage is done as a gimmick, it is “disrespectful of the dead”.

“It’s not the right thing to do.”

Khoo Boo Eng, 65, author of A Simple Approach To Taoism – Of Gods And Deities and A Simple Approach To Taoism – Festivals, Worship And Rituals, thinks that those involved in the iCable plan are “playing with fire”.

“Have they nothing better to do than to disturb the departed souls?” he asked.

“In Taoism (and maybe in other religions as well), we don’t make fun of the departed spirits,” he opined. A junior Taoist priest, Khoo said those involved “in the first place, do not really know the private lives of the deceased. Upon death, they (the deceased) may have to go through a very hard path, and now, they are being disturbed by people who are thinking of nothing but money.”

He warned: “These spirits may be agitated and become aggressive. They may not leave you.”

Khoo said that the Chinese hold a ghost wedding when both lovers have departed from the world of the living and wish to get married in the afterlife. “They may request the living to help them,” he said.

However, in Christianity, there is no marriage after death. He said: “We often hear the vow made during a Christian marriage: ‘till death do us part’.”

In Chinese culture, during a funeral ceremony, just before the coffin is closed, a comb would be broken into two (if the husband or wife dies) to signify ‘upon death do we part’.”

Is there such a thing as a ghost divorce when the living decides to get married later, having participated in a ghost wedding?

Khoo said: “Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a ghost divorce (unlike the living who can file for a divorce) in Taoism or in any other religion.”

Sinologist Dr Lai Kuan Fook said it’s unethical if the ghost wedding is held on a “commercial” basis (to increase the TV station’s ratings and viewership).

“Usually, if the ghost wedding is between two deceased persons, both families involved would give their blessings. After the ceremony, the families may even enjoy good luck. Some 50 years ago, a friend’s family member even won a lottery after the event,” said Lai.

He said that “if the ghost marriage is against the will of the deceased and the families, the living who entered into such a marriage may have bad luck or be cursed.”

Those involved are also being “disrespectful” towards the deceased and are going against the Chinese tradition. Such a wedding should not go on.

“Ghost marriage is a Chinese folk belief. In Taoism, there is no such practice,” said Prof Dr Yam Kah Kean, senior lecturer in the Chinese Studies department at Universiti Malaya. “If a Taoist priest is involved, he is not an orthodox Taoist priest. Ghost marriage is not mentioned in the Taoist Canon,” he said.

Xiao En Cultural Endowment chief executive officer Dr Ong Seng Huat viewed the TV station’s plan to hold a ghost wedding as “certainly a gimmick! The whole process could not take place in a traditional context.

“Ghost marriage is a folk practice mainly to help the departed female soul become a member of the ancestral clan or family so that she does not end up as a wandering spirit in the physical or spiritual world,” he said.

“When she is married off in a spiritual wedding, she is represented as an ancestral tablet. The descendants of her ‘sisters’ (her husband’s other wives) are obligated to pray to her as she has become part of the husband’s ancestral lineage. It is believed that her spirit will protect her husband’s descendants.

“Some quarters view ghost marriages as a form of grief management to help familes recover psychologically from the loss of a family member. The Chinese believe that only those aged 16 and above are allowed to become part of the clan ancestors.

“If he was not married (before his demise), the descendants of his clan may pray for his eternal soul, but he cannot continue his ancestral lineage by himself and be part of the ancestral clan.

“In the case of the adult female, she should not be part of the ancestors of her father’s clan. Her final settling place is her home – created by her, her husband and her son. After her death, her eternal life will be as one of the ancestors of her husband or son’s clan.

“According to tradition, the ghost wedding of two deceased souls will help the couple to become ‘settled’ as ancestors who have the power to protect their lineage. However, such a marriage should only take place if it is ‘the will of the departed couple and agreed upon by their families’, or it will be perceived negatively as it involves the changing of ancestors,” said Ong.