Law Weekly 2017, 2018, & 2019 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner A Look Lawless: Gender in the 2020 Election...... 2 Law Weekly Gets Lunch with Professor Riley...... 3 Inside: The Secrets Behind the Journal Tryouts...... 5

Wednesday, 4 March 2020 The Newspaper of the School of Law Since 1948 Volume 72, Number 19 How to Win around north Firms and An Evening with grounds Influence Mayor NikuyahWalker Thumbs down to the Daily Dock- Partners et for thinking An “Unshakeable Foundation” that having rich Kolleen Gladden ‘21 people hobbies like skiing Photographer is noteworthy at a place like Several people were quite UVA Law. surprised to see me at a firm- related event. I suppose if you Thumbs up to know me, you know that I will people wearing *probably* never work at one. matching track- Let’s set the record straight suits to Das Klüb. on that: It’s not because I’m a ANG was a big fan on the “good person” (an insider has Slav Squats when they were told me that, shockingly, you trendy and still gets weird do not receive your Good Per- looks for not letting the son Card immediately upon trend die. entry into the public service sector). It’s because I’d rather Thumbs down to move back to Joplin and start the WestLaw Reps a possum farm than even feign for not having a interest in the kinds of cases cool game to play that BigLaw lawyers work like the Lexis Reps. ANG on. If M&A sparks joy, by all has been taking LRW for means take the money and run. years now and has gleaned I would too. Regardless, when that while Westlaw is clearly Dean Kevin Donovan promised more orange, Lexis is more to make me into a BigLaw dar- dazzling with its wheel. ling, I couldn’t resist. After all, if I could figure out what stuffy Thumbs side- partners view as a “keeper,” ways to Netflix’s I might be able to determine Mayor Walker speaks at UVA Law about her experiences in local government. Photo Courtesy Lena Welch ’20. new show Love is if that cute future associate is Blind. On the one actually interested in me (just Lena Welch ’20 connecting the subjects to early on, but white power hand, ANG supports mak- kidding, haha… unless?). Teen Romance Editor better understand how the structure, it has the abil- ing major life decisions with I have to say, the biggest sur- systems of power interact ity to believe that what they little to no forethought. On prise of the entire lecture was Charlottesville Mayor Ni- with humans. Mayor Walker say because of their wealth, the other hand, do we re- that it was marketed only to- kuyah Walker spoke at UVA also thanks her great-grand- because of their power that ally know that love is blind ward summer associates. I get Law Wednesday evening in mother, grandmother, and they will make it true wheth- when everyone on the show it, we’re law students. We’re an event sponsored by the mother for cultivating the er it is true or not.” is wildly attractive? awkward, so awkward in fact Black Law Students Asso- curiosity and courage to ask Upon her victory, Mayor that career services has to hold ciation (BLSA). Throughout all of her questions, even Walker sought to follow her Thumbs down an intervention just so we don’t February, BLSA organized when no one is able to give campaign slogan of “Un- to the Law accidentally cry over the desk events to commemorate her an answer. masking the Illusion” in School’s impend- of a poor, hapless supervisor and celebrate Black History The lessons she learned Charlottesville. Part of this ing Coronavirus offering constructive criticism. Month. through her formal and in- process began when she doom. ANG does not look But, why are we assuming that “Our goals really were to formal education formed the chose to run as an indepen- forward to the day ANG has only future firm lawyers have provide a platform for Black “unshakeable foundation” dent candidate. to go to office hours while these struggles? I mean, our voices here in our commu- Mayor Walker credits when “I grew up in a city that had the professor is behind public service personalities are nity to be heard and appre- it comes to her ability to been controlled by the Dem- glass, as this reminds ANG just as defective as y’alls! We ciated by the Law School stand her ground, especially ocratic Party, and I had seen of the stint ANG spent in the too have fragile egos and base community at large,” Social in rooms where Black people a lot of devastation come out Albemarle jail for expunged our self-worth entirely on ex- Action Chair Eli Jones ’21 have previously been denied of policies that were enacted reasons. ternal validation. We too spend said. “We really want to as- entry. by individuals who, accord- multiple years and hundreds sert the value in hearing “Mayor Walker is a power- ing to the political state of Thumbs up to of thousands of dollars only to from perspectives of Black ful and urgent voice for jus- this country, have Black peo- UVA basketball enter the workforce, complete- people in a place where his- tice and change in the city,” ple’s best interest at heart, team beating Duke. ly useless until aggressively torically they have been ex- Jones said. “I think often brown people’s best interest ANG is too much re-trained. We too are prone cluded.” places like Charlottesville, at heart, low-income peo- of a pure shooter to think to Resting Bitch Face. When Mayor Walker spoke di- which are very politically ple’s best interest at heart. about playing defense, in K.Don looked at us with a fire rectly to this point as she liberal, can soothe them- And I had seen otherwise, so true gunner mentality, but in his eyes and demanded, “Do described her journey to selves into thinking they I wanted to make that state- is glad UVA is full of team- you know what your face looks becoming the first Black fe- can achieve justice by incre- ment, just by my announce- players. like?!” I admit I had a bit of an male mayor of Charlottes- mentally doing the same old ment, that I may not win, but existential crisis. Nothing like ville. Mayor Walker not only things. Mayor Walker direct- I’m willing to not win and let Thumbs down kicking off a Friday afternoon discussed the power of being ly challenges that notion and you know that I think you all to all of the can- with the sobering reminder in a room where Black voices has been a voice for margin- also need to change course.” didates dropping that all knowledge you have of and female voices have pre- alized folks in the city, even Fortunately, Mayor Walker out of the Demo- your face is secondhand. viously been excluded, but when it shakes things up.” has been able to stay on her cratic Primary. ANG is jeal- Overall, I think the message she explained how she came From the beginning of her course, something her un- ous ANG can’t drop out and delivered applies spectacu- to the room in the first place. campaign, Mayor Walker shakeable foundation makes receive the credit for trying larly across all legal careers. “I had no intention of ever knew she was going to shake possible, and something she like they do. Set goals so aggressive that running for any political of- things up. She described did not hide as she entered they delight your superiors fice,” Mayor Walker stated. feeling underestimated, the political arena. In her Thumbs up to and horrify your peers. Learn She began her remarks by even on election night. “Ev- words, “I made sure that in- 1Ls who borrowed how to sleep while walking so describing her education, ery room I walk into, people dividuals knew that I was go- upperclassmen’s you can take on projects in ad- both formal and informal. learn pretty quickly that ing to remain centered, and BlueBooks from their mail- ditional departments. Have Although Mayor Walker did while they’re usually able to that I was going to remain boxes to use for journal try- the emotional intelligence not not have a traditional col- dictate outcomes and dis- true to my philosophy, and outs. ANG was not that dev- to shout your brilliant idea to lege experience, she dedi- count individuals I am not that they understood that ilishly smart during ANGs one of the organization’s lead- cated her time to studying be someone that they can tryouts, but Law Review INFLUENCE page 2 criminal justice, psychology, do those two things to. And MAYOR WALKER page 2 will love the intuition of and political science, often so, I presented a challenge these 1Ls. 2 Columns VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 4 March 2020 MAYOR WALKER and influence, and juxtapose INFLUENCE continued from page 1 with the severe income gaps continued from page 1 or the large shortage of af- Welcome to fordable housing in the city, ers during your third week of that is ever-changing, and I think that is something we the internship. Have optimism! My Soapbox I will tell you when I have really need to interrogate,” Be “constructively active”(?). changed course and why.” Jones said. “Especially while Know your emotions—they can I said that I’d write a hu- age and that I’m just an emo- “I thought her speech was we are secluded at North smell fear. Patti from transac- mor piece on the SBA elec- tionally stunted man-child. absolutely phenomenal,” Grounds, it’s very easy to tions might seem chill, but you tions for this week, but I’m More surprising things have Jones added. “The experi- fall into ideas of ‘Town and probably shouldn’t start trash- Will Palmer ‘21 happened. But I digress… ences she shared showed Gown,’ but that is not a ten- talking coworkers with her. Special Projects Editor I’m not going too far out the need to sometimes break able or acceptable reality The Venn Diagram of people on a limb when I say that from what’s considered ‘po- to live in. Even if you don’t in BigLaw and snitches might I sensed a certain level of lite’ or ‘civil’ when there are consider yourself a member as well be a circle. I have to going to sub- heightened ill-will in the air great amounts of injustice of this community, then you say I was disappointed to hear vert everyone’s during the recent SBA elec- that are being perpetrated. are a guest, and ought to be that the memorandum I wrote expectations tions. The passion and level More than anything, she re- concerned with the town suggesting major structural and do neither of engagement brought about minded us that public ser- other people call home.” overhauls to the workplace I’m of those things. Well, kind by elections and the like are vice is a job which demands Jones also provided this headed to for the first time this of. You’ll see. Just bear with certainly good things, but empathy, courage, and ur- reminder: “Black History summer might not go over well. me on this. I’m sure that you’ve also re- gency.” Month is not the end of hon- You’d think they’d appreciate Before we get started, alized that they can change Mayor Walker described oring and listening to Black an unbiased third-party per- I should note that I don’t our views of others in an un- some of the initiatives she voices, nor is it the end of spective. intend this piece to be an necessarily negative fashion. has been able to spearhead the pursuit of justice. Push- Many of the anecdotes pro- attack on anyone, overtly People with different as Mayor, including land- ing towards justice is work vided served as a reminder that, or otherwise. I’m not go- opinions than our own are use battles, the Home to 365 days a year.” really, we’re all just the actors ing to ride in on some high not a problem, obviously. Hope Program, and an effort in informercials, tossing spa- horse and lecture you about The institutions we’re work- alongside Charlottesville --- ghetti onto the ceiling because how to live your life. Hell, ing within, in and of them- Commonwealth’s Attorney [email protected] a sieve is a far-too-advanced if I wrote a self-help book it selves, are not a problem. Joe Platania to create a more piece of machinery. It’s okay, would be called Bad Advice What is an issue is the way diverse staff in his office, I get it. Emails are hard. You You Shouldn’t Take. I just that institutional disagree- which is in its second year. thought you were being tongue want to put my thoughts out ments shift our views of Mayor Walker’s speech not and cheek, but your superior there, and I’m too lazy to others: In elections, for ex- only highlighted the historic has never heard of a meme and start a blog. ample, we’re inclined to view nature of her service as the you’re not even sure how to Now, I don’t intend to people who have perspec- Mayor of Charlottesville, but explain “yeet” (I am certainly examine the mechanics of tives that differ from our it reminded all of us that we not speaking from experience the elections or discuss the own in a more adversarial in the Law School bear a re- here). results; rather, I aim to use light. It can be far more com- sponsibility to connect with Honestly, I’m flattered that them as an example of what I fortable (for me, at least) to the wider Charlottesville Career Services decided that us just now decided to call intra- think that someone with sig- community. Jones recom- public service folks are so gosh institutional estrangement. nificantly different views on mended spending money at darn delightful that we didn’t (I’m not married to the term, a divisive topic is just mean, locally-owned businesses, need a dissertation on how to so we can workshop it, but or foolish, or misinformed. donating to locally-focused properly send an email. Mes- I think it captures the con- Attempting to objectively ex- nonprofits and educational sage received. cept adequately.) The idea amine someone else’s views centers like The Jefferson --- is, in retrospect, somewhat and reckon with them in an School, or volunteering. [email protected] obvious. It’s entirely pos- honest fashion is a more dif- “When you take a place sible that everyone else has ficult endeavor—but it is a like the University of Virgin- known and integrated this ia, with its immense wealth into their lives from a young SOAPBOX page 5 Gender and the 2020 Election Thursday afternoon, the paigns. ticity. As long as a candidate to 2016. Professor Lawless going on. However, the one Feminist Legal Forum (FLF), “The reason that all of does not cross a line or seem suggested that the need for complicating factor is Joe Law Democrats, American these questions are so hard fake in his or her outrage, novelty is what drives the Biden’s track record and Lena Welch ‘20 to analyze at the presiden- voters are unlikely to punish conversation. Hillary Clin- ability to resonate with the Teen Romance Editor tial level and are way easier a candidate more based on ton’s cracking of the glass African-American commu- at the congressional level is gender. And when it comes ceiling by earning the Demo- nity in a way that most can- Constitution because at the congressional to electability, Professor cratic nomination made his- didates cannot.” Society, Virgin- level every election cycle you Lawless does not care much tory. She also incorporated By the time this article is ia Law Women, have about 450 races where for the conversation or the gender much more into her published, Super Tuesday and If/When/ you can sort of see what pat- word. rhetoric and campaign. Nev- will be over, and we may How invited terns are,” Professor Lawless “Well, the first thing I ertheless, Americans still have an even better idea of UVA Professor Jennifer said. “At the presidential would note is that a woman have a tendency to focus on who the Democratic nomi- Lawless to explore the role level, everything could po- did beat Donald Trump. So the failures of female candi- nee will be, but these con- of gender in the current elec- tentially be seen as sexism or in 2016, Hillary Clinton re- dates. versations will continue to tion cycle. FLF Presidents racism or explained away.” ceived more votes than Don- “There are a bunch of male be important. Eliza Schultz ’21 and Jolena Over the course of the con- ald Trump did. Now, this is candidates that never made “We wanted people to be Zabel ’21 moderated the versation, Professor Lawless not to say that we should it on to the debate stage, able to ask questions and conversation with Professor made distinctions between throw out the electoral col- never garnered any real at- engage with each other,” Lawless. when data and patterns sup- lege and it’s terrible, but tention, and we didn’t re- Schultz said. “I spend a lot of “There’s so much going on port gender as a factor com- there are these general re- ally talk about their lack of time on Twitter and it isn’t in this election cycle, and so pared to when sexist com- actions that, ‘Well, there’s success,” Professor Lawless the safest, happiest place to much is at stake, so we want- ments or actions take place no way a woman could get said. “But because women engage in political discus- ed to create a space for peo- without any real effects on a elected; voters aren’t ready are still relatively an anoma- sions, so we wanted to create ple to unpack its gender dy- campaign. to vote for a woman.’ The ly when it comes to presiden- that space for people.” namics,” Schultz said. “We “Whether sexism is ul- empirical evidence is just tial politics, when a woman The FLF Presidents also wanted to hear a smart per- timately consequential or not true.” emerges as a candidate, we said, “We hope people orga- son answer questions about determinative of votes is a For virtually every ques- sort of fixate on her and her nize for the candidates who how the #MeToo movement lot harder to measure. At tion, Professor Lawless cited electoral fortune.” share their vision for a more is affecting this race, what least in terms of outcomes, empirical data in her re- With Senator Amy Klobu- equal future while holding sacrifices come with pursu- it doesn’t look like it is. But sponse, challenging percep- char ending her campaign those same candidates to ac- ing the vote of disaffected it could be that women have tions of those in the room as four days after this conversa- count and calling them out white men (and whether to endure comments like this well as those held by many tion, only one female Demo- where necessary and not those sacrifices are worth it), [Chris Matthews’s treatment American voters. cratic candidate remains, just in issues relating to sex- and how sexism and other of Senator Elizabeth War- “She’s funny, she’s sharp, but Professor Lawless stated ism. We have some power in forms of bigotry are affect- ren] more frequently than and she knows her stuff,” that this winnowing process pushing candidates to be as ing the media we consume male candidates on the cam- Schultz said of Professor does not seem to be gen- inclusive and anti-racist as about the election.” paign trail.” Lawless. “She talked less dered. She did, however, possible, and we should use Professor Lawless, who However, when it comes to about her own opinions and lament the lack of racial di- it.” is an expert on gender and showing anger or electabil- more about the data that ex- versity of the remaining can- politics with six books to ity, the gender of the candi- plain the phenomena we’re didates. --- her name, including Women dates does not make much witnessing.” “For a stage that started [email protected] on the Run: Gender, Media, difference in reality. Accord- Schultz, Zabel, and Profes- out as the most diverse stage and Political Campaigns in a ing to Professor Lawless, the sor Lawless all noted that we’ve ever seen, to wind up Polarized Era, described the most important factor when gender as a whole seems to looking, race-wise, the way challenge of a political sci- it comes to a candidate dem- be less of the focus of the it looks right now, suggests entist during national cam- onstrating anger is authen- 2020 campaign compared that probably something’s Wednesday, 4 March 2020 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Features 3 Law Weekly Faculty Lunch Series: Professor Margaret “Mimi” Riley This week, Drew Calama- survey course, this semes- her experience teaching at ling who is a doctor. You get or something unrelated to ro, ’21, Lena Welch, ’20, and ter’s health care reform sem- UVA over the years. When the picture. But, as might be the law entirely. I had the distinct pleasure of inar, the food and drug law she first arrived, the Law obvious, even the allure of In addition to more aca- Leah Deskins ‘21 course, a J-term health-re- School still only occupied commercial litigation and demic, professional topics, Professor Liasion Editor lated course, and supposedly what is now the Withers- then teaching legal writing Lena, Drew, and I wanted to a host of other health-related Brown wing of the building. could not keep her genes at get to know the real Profes- sharing a meal classes. She also teaches the There was no wood paneling bay for long. The medical sor Mimi Riley, so we asked with UVA’s animal law seminar, and she (gasp!), and the lockers more world eventually won out. the most pressing ques- one and only is currently co-teaching an closely resembled some- She has worked on a number tions we could think of. We Professor Mar- environmental ethics class thing you might see at a high of national academy com- couldn’t help but wonder: (1) garet1 Foster with Professor Cannon. school. The student body mittees on medical-related What is Professor Mimi Ri- Riley, the University’s only Our lunch naturally began was larger, the faculty was issues.3 Her first big re- ley’s favorite animal? Com- faculty member simultane- with a short conversation smaller, and there were far search project in health law ing from suburban New Jer- ously working within the about the rise of COVID-19, fewer female members of the involved cloning, and she’s sey, it would make perfect roles of Professor of Law, also known as “coronavirus,” faculty (shocker). She noted currently a member of the sense that Professor Riley’s Professor of Public Health but we very quickly moved that, in addition to obvious Novel and Exceptional Tech- favorite animal would be Sciences, Professor of Public onto a much more interest- related changes over the last nology and Research Advi- among those pets most cher- Policy, and Director of UVA ing topic, Professor Mimi Ri- twenty-five years (a smaller sory Committee (NExTRAC) ished by suburban house- Law’s Animal Law Program. ley herself. student body, more faculty, at NIH. And, of course, she holds. Indeed, her choice of That’s so many titles that Professor Riley grew up in more female faculty, and plays a big role at UVA Law favorite animal stems from I’ve already forgotten whom northern New Jersey, just the acquisition of Slaughter and within the University’s a childhood pet: a pig, one I’m writing about. Oh right, seven miles north of the Hall after laying siege upon ethics and medical sphere. named Mama Cass, specifi- Professor Mimi Riley. She George Washington Bridge. Darden and forcing the MBA When asked how students cally. (2) What are her hob- has also served on UVA’s She ventured south to Duke students into their definite- should approach their fu- bies? Cycling (the indoor and Board of Visitors and other for college, spent a year ly-not-as-nice portion of tures, Professor Riley sug- outdoor varieties), traveling, leadership groups within working extremely hard at North Grounds adjacent to gested that life should be and gardening. (3) What are the University, and her ex- the Moroccan embassy in the North Grounds Rec Cen- interesting, and students her favorite restaurants in pertise is in near-constant Paris after graduating, and ter2), students at the Law should strive to keep their Charlottesville? Fleurie, Lit- demand at various agencies then found her way back School have become more lives interesting. There are tle Star, Oakhart Social, and in Washington, DC., or so home for law school at Co- public service-oriented than times when the law is just Duner’s. (4) What is her fa- it seems. Her classes at the lumbia. Not one of those they were when she first work, and it’s important vorite UVA Law newspaper? Law School tend to focus on people who left law school started teaching. to look for other outlets, The Virginia Law Weekly, health-related topics. She intending to be a law profes- We also had the chance to whether this involves doing obviously. has taught the health law sor, she spent several years hear about Professor Riley’s meaningful pro bono work Lena, Drew, and I thor- in private practice in New family influences. Appar- oughly enjoyed our lunch 1 On the first day of my York and Philadelphia be- ently, Professor Riley is the 3 Shockingly, I have mostly with Professor Mimi, almost animal law seminar with her fore accepting a legal writing black sheep of the family. retained my ability to do math as much as we’ve enjoyed last semester, Professor Riley teaching position at UVA as Her dad was a doctor. Her since coming to Law School, her classes. A real gem, UVA informed us that, if we’re go- a temporary gig. One thing mom worked in a science but it seems to have been at Law and the University of ing to use her first name, we led to another, and twenty- field. Her sister is a doctor. the expense of my ability to Virginia as a whole is lucky should call her Mimi. Saying five years later, she’s still There might be another sib- comprehend literally anything to have her on board. Margaret will make you sound here. related to science, so this dis- like a telemarketer, apparent- Professor Riley shared 2 Fine, the last part involves cussion went completely over --- ly. a number of details about just a little fiction. my head. [email protected] Hoo’s in the Hoosier State This past weekend, I went week. ening this curse.1 yogurt dispenser. That was much more successful than home to Indiana and got But what my journey back 2) The Charlotte airport sick. me: I didn’t want the conver- to meet with five admitted to Indiana really did was is much bigger than the map 4) Admitted students are sation to go to what schools Sam Pickett ‘21 make me reflect on things. looks: I encourage you to pretty cool: During my trip people had been admitted to, Columns Editor What things? I honestly don’t Google what Charlotte’s air- home, I was able to meet but in the way that admitted know, but I have some things port map looks like. It looks with five admitted students students converse, it went students. An- I need to say about airports quite small and manageable. from various universities all there. And they were schools ticipating that and Indiana and UVA and Wrong. As I sprinted from over Indiana. They drove be- that had not admitted me. :( something in- so you’ll just have to read to Terminal E to Terminal C, tween one and two hours to But I got to convince them teresting may see the theme of this article. what looks like a short dis- meet with me and were very how great school here is. :) happen on Thus, I have a compiled a list tance, I was shook by how cheerful despite the fact that 6) How wonderful UVA this journey, I volunteered of… let’s call them observa- much I had to run. And run- it was snowing outside. They really is: I tell you, when to write this article. This is tions, from my time “abroad.” ning in the airport is my had excellent questions and you’re chatting about the funny for two reasons. First, 1) The Charlottesville air- nightmare. There’s too many seemed excited about the school it’s easy to sell it with- because I thought something port is my mortal enemy: I people and you look really possibility of someday join- out even trying to sell it. And exciting would happen in In- knew this before this weekend awkward and it’s just miser- ing law students like myself that’s how you know we have diana. This is not me taking because I have had two flights able. Well, I did it. I ran in the at bar review. After my ex- it good. a dig at Indiana, but rather into Charlottesville canceled airport and let me tell you, perience with five admitted And THAT is what I thought me expressing a truth that I because of “fog.” While those Charlotte is much bigger than students, I am excited for Ad- about my weekend in Indi- have come to know deeply in two stories are for another it looks. Bonus observation: mitted Students Open House, ana. my many years living there. time, this story is for now. There are too many people when 200 of them will swarm There is only so much time For some reason, the plane in the Charlotte airport. Why our halls. Woohoo.2 --- you can spend hanging out meant to take me from Char- were there so many people?? 5) Admitted students are [email protected] in local parks and wandering lottesville to Charlotte was 3) Indianapolis airport around Walmart before you not on time. There were clear rules: Indianapolis Interna- 2 Wahoo. conclude that the place you skies on Friday and beauti- tional Airport is consistent- live is quite unremarkable. ful weather and MANY of us ly ranked #1 in the United Second, I am always excited trying to make VERY SHORT States, and compared to about the idea of writing ar- connections. The plane ar- Charlottesville and Charlotte, ticles, but when it comes time rived at Charlottesville thirty I can see why. It’s clean, its to actually write, I always minutes later than scheduled, men’s bathroom urinals have curse myself for volunteering. we departed fifty minutes af- dividers, and it is efficient! And yet, more and more over ter we were supposed to, and There aren’t crazy long lines the last year I have continued I barely made my connection and there is plenty of space to volunteer to write for the after sprinting—well, more so you’re not always running newspaper, even when I have like awkwardly jogging with into people or having to sit absolutely no plan. So, when my suitcase in hand and my next to strangers. I hate sit- our wonderful EIC asked if we backpack making me look ting next to strangers. They had any article ideas, I could like a turtle—through Char- also have a mechanical frozen have just said I will be out of lotte’s airport. As I write this town (and therefore unavail- article, I am waiting again to 1 LITERALLY AS I WROTE able to write). Instead, I am fly into Charlottesville and THIS I SAW MY FLIGHT GET here in the Charlottesville praying my luck has changed. DELAYED BECAUSE THERE airport, writing and cursing Though maybe I’m just deep- IS NO PLANE... It turned out myself yet again. I’m sure I’ll to be a false alarm. I just land- As refereneced, Sam’s marathon from Concourse E to Concourse C. Photo Courtesy of airportshuttles.com be in this position again next ed and did so on time. 4 Colophon VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 4 March 2020 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: Court of Petty Appeals The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVA Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court comprises four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all con- flicts to [email protected]

Former 1L v. Soon-to- say. Wonderful cheerleaders to this day.”4 Somehow, though, how much time you’ve wasted only thing less important than be Helicopter Parents rarely make wonderful public the PAs forget those feelings and by wanting to get in that last a sentence that starts with the 369 U.Va 68 (2020) speakers. simply forge ahead, wasting ev- anecdote, that one last story, word “piggybacking” is journal This level of time-wasting is so eryone else’s time in the process. that you think might be helpful tryouts. Calamaro, J., delivered outrageous that it nears the level All of this is to say that forcing to other people just because it As such, I rule that PAs who the opinion of the Court, in of intentionality. The cries of people to sit and listen to PAs seems interesting to you? I mean talk too much are fools, and which Tonseth, Pickett, De- 1Ls, who try to stop their ears for “piggyback” off of one another really? Did you really just open should pay me $10 billion dol- skins, and Luévano, JJ. join. want of silence, are continually should be a crime of the first-de- your mouth and say “and not to lars, which I will distribute in an Luk, C.J. filed a dissenting drowned out by PAs who start gree. Indeed, this court has pre- sound repetitive, but...”? What equitable and fair manner to my opinion which Querner, J. their sentences with “And just viously looked at the filling of gi- could you possibly have to add fellow law students.9 Further- joined. to add to that,” or “Piggybacking ant water bottles as a crime, and that two other people haven’t al- more, any PA that hits the same off of that,” and, worst of all, “My most recently (and erroneously ready said? point that three other PAs have Justice Calamaro delivered experience was a little different, in the opinion of this Justice) Do you really think that you made already should be tried the opinion of the Court. but...” Inevitably, they say noth- held that Airpods in one’s ears are that interesting that you can for treason, or, at the very least, ing new and ultimately just tell while walking down the hallways belabor the same point that two socially rebuked in the form of Before this court is a complaint the same story or say exactly is a crime. Why not tackle prob- other people have already made “boos” from the crowd of 1Ls try- filed by the Judge himself, who the same thing as the other PAs. lems that are truly worthy of the and not make your audience ing to escape the 11 a.m. meeting has seen fit to neither remove on a Friday. One should never nor deny himself the distinct abuse their bully pulpit to spew honor and opportunity to rule on ho do you think you useless opinions, something this this case. The complaint is novel Court abhors and never does. in that it is filed against all PAs Thus, the Court hopes that PAs who have ever stood up in front are...fool?” will begin to speak less and looks of bright-eyed 1Ls and opened “W forward to hearing that to be the their mouths a single time, but case going forward. the real targets of the complaint They do so while oblivious to the Court, such as suing PAs for talk- angry for doing so? The second are the PAs who reserve a room 1L cries and with a coldness in ing too much, or petitioning the you opened your mouth and Luk, C.J. dissenting, in which and call it a “session” of any their heart that belies the outer School for a Mandy Apprecia- said, “piggybacking off of that,” Justice Querner joins. kind. This complaint is primarily sickly sweetness with which they tion Day?5 As such, I rule in the you’ve lost the room’s attention.7 for time-wasting, unnecessarily coat their words with.2 affirmative that these crimes of Perhaps Biblical training should Today, our esteemed Court speaking too much, and foolery. There is a terrible horror that speaking too often are crimes be included in the PA handbook, forgets one of our most long- Plaintiff sues for $10 billion dol- is felt by every 1L when they worthy of capital punishment or or at least the verse in Proverbs standing tenets, namely that lars, since the Plaintiff cannot get realize that, due to social pres- at least social rejection. that says, “Even a fool who keeps “1Ls always lose.” This cannot be that time back. Reasonable, one sure, they cannot simply get up silent is considered wise; when circumvented by skillful plead- would think, given the amount and leave a PA meeting. These II. Who do you think you are he closes his lips, he is consid- ing or the joining of a Justice of of words that were said. feelings of entrapment are often for speaking so much, fool? ered intelligent.”8 Indeed, the this Court to the complaint. The expressed in thoughts like, “Why harms at issue are harms done to I. PAs waste our time, and that am I listening to this twenty- For all PAs that waste time by least nothing they cannot hear 1Ls and, as such, we must treat should be a first-degree crime. five-year-old treat me like a high telling unnecessary anecdotes, second-hand. this as case against 1Ls despite schooler even though I have I have one question: Who do the eloquent tirade of Justice Peer Advisors are the won- more work experience?” But you think you are? Who do you 7 If any of you truly had it to Calamaro. I respectfully dissent. derful cheerleaders of the Law ultimately those thoughts give think you are, that you would begin with. *muffled Angry Birds School. They truly are an enor- way to the cold release of accep- have the audacity—the audac- sounds come from under the --- mous help to both the students tance.3 One 2L recently said, “[I] ity—to talk more than is neces- desk* [email protected] and the School, and do it all for t felt as though I was drowning in sary while standing in front of a [email protected] free.1 And yet, I continue to mar- these pieces of advice that didn’t classroom containing two-thirds 8 Proverbs 17:28; See also, vel at the fact that, despite do- matter, spoken by someone who of your section?6 Do you know Fetty Wap 17:38 - Trap Queen 9 This is simply dicta and not ing all of this for free, these PAs only wanted to hear the sound (“Everybody hatin’, we just call binding—I have no intention of are under the impression that of his own voice. I am haunted 4 Quoted from the record and them fans, though”). distributing it. the things that come out of their definitely not from the mind of mouths are 100% necessary. Not the writer of this opinion. a single one of them during my Faculty Quotes 1L year ever turned down the op- 2 Much like BigLaw recruit- 5 Mandy is a saint. portunity to speak, even though ers. S. Ballenger: “If it’s the M. Gilbert: “The law all they had less than nothing to 6 Incidentally, those in at- former, res ipsa loquitur. If fits together seamlessly over 3 Similar to the sensation of tendance are the oblivious or it’s the latter, I’m lying on time. It’s not like judges are 1 The lifeblood of the acad- warmth your brain tricks you into weaker-willed two-thirds of a Tinder.” ‘making it up’ as they go.” emy is free labor. It is cheap, having as your body freezes to section, since the other third has although, some say, so is its death. In place. Still in the damn already realized PAs have nothing A. Coughlin: “Teach M. Schwartzman: “They product. PA meeting. to say that is life-changing or at your children. Forget about were riding the twinkie in the ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ – their 1940s and they’re still doing first word should be ‘lawyer, it.” lawyer, lawyer.’” C. Nicoletti: “I know gar- Virginia Law Weekly M. Collins: “Marriage is bage trucks, there’s the beep not adversarial, at least at its beep.” COLOPHON inception.” Christina Luk ’21 Heard a good professor Editor-in-Chief J. Harrison: “The legal quote? Email editor@law- practice is getting increasingly weekly.org Kathryn Querner ‘22 soft.” Executive Editor Michael Schmid ‘21 Phil Tonseth ‘22 Jacob Jones ‘21 Managing Editor Production Editor Features Editor

Samuel Pickett ‘21 Will Palmer ‘21 Drew Calamaro ‘21 Columns Editor Special Projects Editor Satire Editor Kolleen Gladden ‘21 Raphael Cho ’21 Grace Tang ‘21 Photographer Cartoonist-in-Chief Foreign Correspondent Ben Stievater ‘22 Leah Deskins ‘21 Donna-Faye Imadi ‘22 Events Editor Professor Liaison Editor Current Events Editor Nate Wunderli ’22 Bill Re ’21 Amy Pan ‘22 Sports Editor Historian Lifestyle Editor Stanley Birch ’22 Marlyse Vieira ’22 Will McDermott ’22 News Editor New Media Editor Development Editor

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Wednesday, 4 March 2020 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Hot Bench 5 Das Klüb Journal Tryouts: One of the things I appre- tryouts this weekend. Well, ciate most about Feb Club sorry kids. Saturday was The Edited Truth is that it runs much like a for the Ünderground. If you As the Senior Chief Manag- and it’s only intuitive that the matter for those who get Kolleen Gladden ‘21 think Bluebooking is more ing Executive Chair of Jour- students who are most likely onto the staff of a journal Photographer important than shaking to nals, I thought it wise to ad- to have something interesting they’re passionate about. syncopated beats under jar- Michael Berdan ‘22 and unique to say in a note Wouldn’t that student be 4x4 relay, with ringly pulsing lights, you Staff Editor are those who perform best better served by engaging the two stron- clearly don’t belong to the in a closed-universe, time- in pro bono work in the gest legs at the lifestyle. dress some and-page-limited assignment field or writing something beginning and The music was excellent criticisms I have on a predetermined prompt. on the subject themselves? end, ensuring this year, blending throw- heard float- 3) The main sell- Work in the field without that the momentum car- backs like “Dragostea Din ing around the ing point for each jour- first spending a semester ed- ries on strong throughout Tei” (the Numa Numa song) Law School nal seems to be how few iting footnotes and italicizing the entire month. Lambda with more modern electric about our tryout system and cite checks are required, commas? Haven’t you heard started by setting an incred- beats, seamlessly fused by a journal work more broadly. or in other words, how of “paying your dues”? Look, ibly high bar, and Das Klüb constant bass. I have to com- 1) Why do we have a try- little editors have to en- a detachment from the sub- proved to be a solid anchor mend the DJ; Die Antwoord out in the first place? Some gage with the journal. ject matter of your work is to close out the twenty-nine is one of my favorite musi- schools have journals that Doesn’t this indicate a good thing and a skill that days of festivities. I found cal groups and it is incred- can be joined by volun- something is wrong with must be fostered in students it highly appropriate that ibly rare that I hear them teering, requiring a tryout how we run journals? for participating in the le- Das Klüb fell on a Leap Day. out in the wild. I have never only for certain journals. No! Of course not! The gal field in the 21st century. Your Snapchat memories been to an Eastern Europe- This criticism is spawned journal experience provides a These skills will be absolutely from that sucker won’t show an nightclub (although I am from the coddled millen- rigorous first dip into MMN critical when it comes time up for nearly half a decade, sure this school is teeming nial mindset of participation work (Mandatory Menial to dispassionately and dead- long past the soft statute of with people who have) so I trophies and entitlements. Nonsense). MMN is a ris- heartedly draft non-disclo- limitations for regrets. Go cannot personally attest to All things of great value are ing practice area with excit- sure agreements for Michael ahead, let it happen. There the accuracy of the aesthetic. held behind a standardized ing opportunities and high Bloomberg, defend Monsanto will be no memories lying in It doesn’t matter. Das Klüb test under time pressure. salaries. Well, maybe “excit- from birth-defect litigation, or wait for you next year. What is clearly in a league of its Law school. Medical school. ing” is the wrong word. Law prosecute children as adults. happens is between you, the own. Graduate school. Citizenship, students come in with a fire 5) Aren’t journal try- menagerie of intoxicated I was told the desired look maybe, I don’t know. We can- to do something engaging, outs just a mechanism guests, and the Klüb itself. is “Eurotrash,” a term that, not just hand out footnote ed- something meaningful. That to build prestige in what The first thing I noticed according to the distin- iting positions to any random simply isn’t compatible with amounts to a meaning- upon arrival was that, of all guished source UrbanDic- schlub who manages to get what employers expect out less, unpaid position my storied experiences with tionary, is used to describe into an elite law school and of first-year associates. Or created so that the pro- Rapture, this was the first “a human sub-phylum char- chooses to take on an addi- eighth-year associates, for that fessor-elites don’t have time I could maneuver the acterized by its apparent af- tional responsibility beyond matter. The journal tryout ac- to edit their own work? dance floor comfortably. fluence, worldliness, social the standard curriculum. celerates the reeducation pro- Yes, but don’t you want The inside of the venue was affectation, and addiction to 2) If editorial staff are cess by crushing those dreams prestige, no matter the cost? a reasonable temperature fashion.” If there’s one thing just doing footnotes, why and aspirations between I mean, isn’t that why you’re rather than a scorching mass that we’re good at here at does the tryout include the pages of the Bluebook. here? of body heat. It was noted this Law School, it’s chan- a writing component? 4) The work of jour- at some point that this was neling a gaudy approxima- Well, the Law Review al- nal editors seems a bit --- likely due to the surplus of lows editors to publish notes, detached from the subject [email protected] 1Ls slogging through journal DAS KLÜB page 6

School? throughout their lives for about me acting patronizing I would tell myself that our sake. I’d probably buy SOAPBOX toward you: HOT I deserve to be here. I suf- my parents their dream continued from page 2 1) I still unironically enjoy fered from imposter syn- home, then use the rest of the 2005 action-adventure BENCH drome, big time! the money to finance my worthwhile one nonetheless. film Sahara, starring Mat- I would also tell myself coffee addiction—I’d never I’m not great at it, but what thew McConaughey, Penelo- that there is no “right” way feel guilty about buying an I’m saying is that I’m trying. pe Cruz, and Steve Zahn.1 to be a law student and get overpriced latte from Star- I’ve been attempting to 2) When stressed, I will through law school. Ev- bucks again. think of it like this—a differ- discuss my woes with my eryone learns, studies, and ence of opinions with some- chinchilla, Brutus. The con- strategizes differently. If you could pick one doesn’t mean things versations are somewhat one song to play in the have to devolve into some one-sided, but I like to think Let’s do a lightning background of your life, sort of old-school blood that if he talked he would round! what would it be? feud with pistols at dawn. It have the voice of James Earl means we have something Jones.2 Katarzyna Goebel ’21 “Let it Happen” by Tame Favorite food? Impala. important in common: We 3) I haven’t worn one in a Hot Bench with Kat Sour cream. No joke, I care, deeply, about the same while, but I still own a non- Goebel ’21 will put it on anything. What is your least thing. At the end of the day zero number of flat-brim One of Two Incoming favorite sound? that’s what needs to count. hats representing sports Head PAs Favorite place in The sound of a single Let’s not allow institu- teams I’m not particularly a Charlottesville? piece of cardboard ripping tional disagreements to dis- fan of. Hi Kat! Thanks so Carter Mountain Or- in half or the sound paper tance us from each other. It Clearly, I’m not in a posi- much for coming to Hot chard, especially during the makes when you try and sounds cliché, but I honestly tion to lecture anyone about Bench. We’re so glad to Sunset Series! remove a label from some- think that we have a great much of anything, so don’t have you. Let’s get the thing and it rips in half, community here. The people worry about that! Please ball rolling with an easy Anti-Stress Hobby? creating that weird middle I’ve met at the Law School do get in touch if you want question. Grocery shopping—noth- fuzzy paper layer. Cringe- have made me a less cyni- to discuss Sahara, though. ing more relaxing than fest. cal human being by, if I had Great flick. Where are you from? browsing the pasta section. to guess, at least 35 percent, Pittsburgh, PA (Go Steel- I also love to read! I always If you could be in the and I hope this article helps --- ers!). return to Harry Potter and Olympics, which sport to pay that back, even if it’s [email protected] anything by Jane Austen. would you compete in? just a little. All I want to do What are you look- I would compete in is encourage us to empha- ing forward to the most Favorite word? softball since I’ve played size the parts of UVA that about being a Head PA Coffee. on softball teams my entire made us happy to be here next year? life, but my barely 5’1” in the first place. Let’s cele- Becoming a Peer Advisor What’s one movie that stature would probably put brate the fact that we have so has been the most reward- left an impression on me at a pretty significant many things in common that ing experience that I’ve had you? disadvantage. we care about and not allow in Law School. Spirited Away. I know our views of our friends to I can’t wait to help shape it’s technically a children’s Where’s a place be altered by differences of the PA Program and de- movie. But trust me, it’s you’ve never been, but opinion. velop relationships with incredible. would like to go? I’m not trying to stand 1 Wikipedia helpfully notes incoming 1Ls and future Copenhagen, Denmark. on a soapbox and conde- that Sahara is “among the big- PAs. If you won the lottery, scend to you, and I apologize gest box-office failures of all what would you do with --- if this whole thing came off time.” What’s something it? [email protected] like that. I feel like I should you now know that This is a bit of a cliché, end on something self- 2 Specifically, James Earl you would tell yourself but I’m one of five kids and deprecating to keep things Jones in his role as Thulsa before coming into Law my parents sacrificed a lot light. Here are a few reasons Doom in Conan the Barbarian why you should never worry (1982). 6 The Back Page VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 4 March 2020

DAS KLÜB ing. There is no point in hid- continued from page 5 ing the desires of your heart. The Klüb knows. The Klüb tion of status obsession and is there, patiently lying dor- wealth. Taking prohibitively mant in the months between, Cartoon By Raphael expensive clothing items and waiting to see if you will take making them look like, well, your opportunity to the full- Eurotrash, is practically est. You walk onto the floor an art form in and of itself, and let the lifestyle slowly and the Klüb was, without a take control. There comes doubt, filled with artists that a moment, where the unre- night. lenting march of time seems There were paisley shirts to halt altogether and loses unbuttoned down to the na- all meaning. The lights are vel. Sunglasses were worn either strobing or everyone throughout the already dark has begun to move in stop- venue. There were Adidas motion; you can’t tell which tracksuits galore. There and you don’t care. The was a shakeweight, which I once-overpowering music thought was a brilliant ad- becomes a distant and faint vancement of the athleisure hum. A dancer is being hoist- trend, pushing it from “ev- ed skyward by his friends eryday activities in athletic and you barely notice. That’s gear” to “aggressively and how you know that you’ve edgily blurring the lines be- finally assimilated with the tween working out and not Klüb. You become one. What working out.” There was once was a discordant col- even rumored to be a Mi- lection of individuals danc- chael Bloomberg 2020 tee ing has now become, simply, insidiously floating around the Klüb. Nothing is hidden the dance floor. Efforts to and nothing is sacred. The confirm this were derailed, magic is there for the taking, as many of the patrons had and it is up to you to channel already been pressured to the forces that be to make it sign non-disclosure agree- yours. Close your eyes. What ments. is it that you want? No, what There is a quote on the is it you really want? Do you Das Klüb Facebook event know? The Klüb knows, and

page that reads: “DAS KLÜB it’s there for you. It’s always makes no promises. DAS there for you. Enjoy! GMT. 2020 20:59:25 2 Mar Mon on http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku by Generated KLÜB is what we make of it.” And I think nothing could at- --- test to the truth further. My [email protected] friends and I have joked that Das Klüb is where the magic happens, and every year it becomes less of a joke and more of an ominous warn-

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D The Promise of UVA's Bavaro Hall, 11:00 - Adolescence: Realizing Holloway Hall, Room Free --- 13:00 Opportunity in Secondary Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Mon Mar 2 20:59:25 2020 GMT. Enjoy! 116 Schools Solution h e

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