COUNTRY Health

I was very self-willed and wanted the world to go my way all the time. Discovering that I was like that was a Effective huge revelation to me thinking Some things you can control and some things you can’t – fully realising this can be a huge step towards recovering from problems. That’s according to the self-help organisation Recovery International. Margaret Hawkins reports.

orrying about what curred: “I’d be sweating and feeling people think of you; like I couldn’t breathe and afraid anticipating bad that I was having a heart attack and things happening – I’d be thinking all sorts of crazy Wthese are the kinds of concerns that things like that I was going to die,” can get us all down at times but we he says. can re-train our wills and minds to “I got so afraid of a panic attack stop letting such feelings over- happening that I’d often stay at whelm us. home for fear of having one on the While we can’t control people, street.” events, the past, the future, our Going to church was a night- feelings or our sensations, we can mare for Paddy too: “I’d always control our thoughts and choose have to stay near the door in case how we are going to act. This is the I had to leave quickly. It was an teaching of Recovery International. awful restricting way to live. While the panic attacks themselves didn’t PADDY * happen that often, I was always Paddy, a Midlands reader in his 40s, afraid that they would.” has seen the value of this method Paddy worked as a barman over three years of attending Recov- and in a factory for a few years but Dr SELF-HELP METHOD ery support meetings and studying joined a religious order in his late its literature. He now feels much 20s: “The panic attacks were still The Dr Abraham Low Self-Help Method is based on these 3. USE YOUR WILL better able to cope with life. happening, especially during times concepts: You have the power to choose: “I was a nervous, sensitive sort of change. 1. TEMPER HAS TWO FACES • How you are going to act. of person all my life,” he says, “but “Change was always dif cult for Angry temper: the judgment that the other person is wrong • What you are going to think. the improvement in me over the me in the past but now I can man- or has wronged me, eg, irritation, resentment, impatience, last three years is bordering on a age life better.” hatred, disgust, rebellion. 4. FOCUS ON EVERYDAY EVENTS miracle. I now don’t take life so Fearful temper: the judgment that I am wrong, eg, worry, Most things that upset us are the routine events in everyday seriously and the panic attacks that ALCOHOL FUELLING feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, fear of damage to your life. The Low Self-Help Method helps people to deal more used to happen are almost a thing THE PANIC ATTACKS reputation, sense of shame. positively and peacefully with the frustrations, challenges and of the past. Now when one starts I Developing an addiction to alcohol upsets of daily living. know how to cope with it, using the over his years with a religious order 2. ENVIRONMENT HAS TWO SIDES methods I learned in Recovery to also worsened Paddy’s problems. Outer (external) environment: everything outside yourself. 5. PRACTISE SELF-ENDORSEMENT change my thoughts.” “Even thinking of drinking You can’t control these – people, events, the past, the future. Giving yourself a mental pat on the back for any effort: Paddy found the panic attacks would nearly relax me – if I knew Inner (internal) environment: everything inside yourself. You • To spot and control your temper very frightening when they oc- that I was going to get a drink in can’t control these – feelings, sensations. But you can control • To control your thoughts and impulses an hour’s time that itself would your thoughts and impulses calm me down but the alcohol only fuelled the panic attacks. Eventually tranquilisers, I knew they weren’t and give it a real go.” SPOTTING the day came when I knew I needed the long-term answer. As time went on, Paddy began “If I was getting panicky now I WORDS help.” “It was then that I heard of to understand the methods used by would immediately ‘spot’ [think/ That began a succession of Recovery International from some- Recovery. have an insight] that while these OF LIFE events that led Paddy having the one who was attending them and “I discovered something new feelings are distressing, there is no recovery he has today, he says. nding them good. She gave me Dr about myself,” he says. danger involved in them at all. I’m Seek ye the Lord “I gave up the drink with the Low’s book Mental Health Through “I always thought I didn’t have not going to have a heart attack or help of AA (and am still abstinent Will Training and I eventually took a temper but I did really, in that I die. Thinking that can bring about while he may be after 16 years) but the panic attacks it down off the shelf when things realised I was very self-willed and a total U-turn in my emotions and I found, call ye still had to be addressed. got very bad. While I found the rst wanted the world to go my way all begin to relax. “They got worse again after I meeting dif cult to follow, I eventu- the time. Discovering that I was like “I’d remember, too, a lot of the upon him while he left the order and came home so I ally decided to go regularly. I think it that was a huge revelation to me – a Recovery sayings and af rmations knew I had to get help somewhere. was a case of it taking me a while to real liberation, really. Dr Low talks a as well like, ‘Nervous symptoms and is near. While my GP had put me on mild swallow my stubbornness and pride lot about temper.” sensations are distressing but not

Isaiah ch. 55 v 6 For more information about Recovery International Ireland see www.recovery-inc-ireland.ie

16 14 April 2012 COUNTRY LIVING COUNTRY Health

RECOVERY INTERNATIONAL SLOGANS

This is a list of some of the basic Recovery International tools (slogans). They are quoted or adapted from Dr Low’s books Mental Health Through Will FIONA Training and Manage Your Fears, Manage Your Anger.

• People do things that annoy us, not necessarily to annoy us. • Feelings are not facts. HOBAN • Fear is a belief; beliefs can be changed. • If you can’t change a situation, you can change your attitude towards it. • Be self-led, not symptom-led. www.fionahoban.ie • Nervous symptoms and sensations are distressing but not dangerous. • Calm begets calm; temper begets temper. • Helplessness is not hopelessness. • Do things in part acts. • Endorse (praise) yourself for the effort, not only for the performance. • Decide, plan and act. Tick stress • Muscles can be commanded to do what one fears to do.

The Recovery Method of Will Training for improved mental health and for con- trol of nervous symptoms consists of: 1. Reading and studying Mental Health Through Will Training and other literature. off your list 2. Regular attendance at Recovery Meetings. 3. Practising Recovery principles in one’s everyday life situations. hen I rule the world Most people fail to write things You can contact the organisation by post at Bridge House, Cherry Orchard it will be incumbent down because they believe they Hospital, Ballyfermot, Dublin 10, call them on 01-626-0775 or send an email to upon all citizens, from will be able to remember all of the [email protected] a very early age, to be important things they must during the At present, 15 Recovery meetings are held in Co Dublin and one each in Bally- Wproficient at writing things down in an course of the day. This, however, is a jamesduff, Bray, Cork City, Enniskillen, Letterkenny, Longford, Navan, New- effective manner. false idea. bridge, Newry and Omagh. How many times have you given Do yourself We find it difficult to remember all your order to a waitress who simply a favour, of the things we must because we are Note: Each member is at all times advised and expected to follow the authority of nods and says: “Sure, no problem,” invest in a so busy. Generally, the phone rings, his/her own doctor and deep down you know that while proper diary people interrupt and you’re trying to she might remember you ordered or notebook handle six tasks at once. We try to the steak, she will not remember move from task to task. New thoughts – one that dangerous.’ These sayings sink deep self-esteem. I had those feelings of that you asked for the sauce on the pop into our minds all of the time. We into the subconscious over time fear and inadequacy for years. I was side. Why? Because she didn’t write has enough are incessantly interrupted before we and you say them to yourself when also exhausted, depressed, anxious it down. “Can I please have a glass space to take can complete a task. things are dif cult. You learn a dif- – there was no spontaneity in me of water with that?” “Sure.” “But, numerous When we do write things down, ferent attitude to everything with at all. please, no ice.” She doesn’t write this notes and we do this on small scraps of paper Recovery. It’s like your inner self “I also hated being in crowds down either and sure enough when reminders. that will eventually become lost. Writ- that no one knows about is actually and often I stayed in bed and your glass of water arrives (assuming ing things down in the correct manner transformed.” moved only when I absolutely had she remembers it), it’s filled with ice. can put an end to all of this insanity. Paddy stresses that you have to to. Some days the effort of trying Grrrrr. So, do yourself a favour, invest in a give your recovery time, however. to decide what to eat or making And what about when Joe Bloggs proper diary or notebook – one that “The thing is to keep going to school lunches for my daughters looks you in the eye and says: “I’ll get has enough space to take numerous the meetings,” he says. “It’s a very was so overwhelming. I was on that to you by Friday.” He may put an notes and reminders. Keep it with you structured method but it does work. anti-depressants and I felt like I was X on his hand, or scribble something at all times and get into the habit of A lot of people like myself love to living in a fog. I remember telling on a slip of paper, a cigarette packet writing things down, no matter how keep talking about themselves, a counsellor that I was having a or shopping receipt. I always think trivial. about symptoms and feelings and breakdown. This understanding to myself: “Not a hope, never gonna Not only will you become more so on, but in Recovery that’s not person told me about a self-help happen.” effective in your day-to-day life, you looked upon as being a good idea organisation called Recovery Inter- However, I know how to deal with will also lower your stress levels. And because you are actually feeding national in my local area. these people. Oh yes, indeed I do. I as a bonus you will enjoy that wonder- yourself with drama. “I went along to my rst Recov- write down what they themselves will ful sense of satisfaction gained from “With Recovery meetings you’re ery group meeting in Clontarf and not. I take out my diary and make a ticking things off your to-do list. given a method to use when nega- was immediately taken with the note on Thursday’s page: “Remind Joe tive thoughts come into your head support and understanding I found Bloggs that he needs to get that to me and that turns your life around. For there. Meetings are a place where by tomorrow.” me, it has made everything change peace and calm are fostered. Read- You might have guessed that I am for the better.” ing Abraham Low’s book Mental a writer-downer of things. It is one Health Through Will Training is the of the most effective stress-reducing JACQUELINE * fundamental resource of Recovery tools I know. When you don’t occupy Jacqueline, from Clontarf, has been International. Gradually my fears your mind with having to remember attending Recovery International changed from hopeless to hopeful.” every little thing, you become less meetings for six years and now val- Jacqueline has now completed a stressed and it becomes easier to ues her mental health, she says. third-level degree and postgraduate think clearly. It frees up head space. “I have it because I practised course and is the assistant leader of This, in my opinion, is one of the Dr Abraham Low’s method to get the Clontarf Recovery Group. most important reasons to write it,” she says. “This includes self- “I am more con dent and less things down. Feeling calmer and more spotting [insights into your own fearful,” she says, “and I have much relaxed does not only improve your behaviour] and listening to how greater self-esteem. Most impor- health, but also makes life easier and other people used the methods to tantly, my daughters are my life’s more smooth and effective. cope with situations. I now have greatest achievements. more hope and motivation than I “It takes time to learn the meth- could ever have imagined.” od but Recovery International has Jacqueline rst suffered from taught me to do one thing at a time GETGET IN TOUCH after her marriage broke – it’s called breaking everyday life down. into part acts. Recovery is hard work FionaFiona Hoban works as a counsellor in Westport, Co Mayo and also lectures “I had days of staying at home but my quality of life is improving withwith the National Counselling and Institute of Ireland (NCPII). and thinking inner dark thoughts,” every day.” CL SheShe delivers wellbeing and motivational talks at various conferences and work- she says. “I was also bullied at work shopssh throughout Ireland. For more details go to www.fionahoban.ie so I had very low self-worth and * Names known to editor. If you would like to get Fiona’s advice or insight on a particular subject please emaile [email protected] or write to Fiona Hoban, Irish Country Living, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12.

COUNTRY LIVING 14 April 2012 17