Student Loan Debt to Be Sold

4 The Issue University of No. 883 Surre/s Student Newspaper 20th September 1996 Student Loan Debt to be Sold Off submitted...We have con- Now the Government plans to The USSU's main worries on illian Shepherd, cluded that in the immediate seil off the debts of the Govem- this subject concem the terms Secretary of State future our long term goals can ment-owned Student Loans and conditions already set out Gfor Education and best be achieved through the Company - the sel! off would by the Student Loans Com- Employment, announced sale of part of the existing stu- reduce Government borrowing pany. Some of the conditions earlier this week that the dent debt and stratégie con- and raise cash. are ambiguous and open to mis- Government would reject tracting eut of the "We want an early commit- interpretation by students and privatised student loans administrative work of the Stu- ment from the Government that this could lead to new compa- from the three banks dent Loans Company." any money raised will go to nies taking advantage. bidding under the new NUS has always been opposed student support and higher édu- Sharon Baker, Student Union student loans législation, to the initial proposais to ofîer cation funding, preventing tui- Président said: "This is ridicu- and instead create a new private loans to students which tion fees and bringing an end to lous, the whole exercise has system of selling off the were rushed out without any student hardship, and not for been a waste of time and tax- debts of the Student consultation. Douglas Trainer, pre-election tax bribes." payers money and students are ans Company, NUS National Président said, Douglas Trainer, NUS Presi- still no better off." illian Shepherd explained, "We said the new loans scheme dent. NUS feel that it is about time Our objective is fîrmly based. was unnecessary, unworkable In her press release, Gillian the Government faced up to the Lending to private individuals and unachievable and we've Shepherd did state that these responsibility of providing is net a natural or desirable been proved right." proposais will not change the proper student fmancial sup- function for the public seclor to When the original proposais to terms on which students are port to students and forget the carry out...Against this back- privatise Student Loans came able to get loans. Their right to ridiculous system of student ground, we have been holding to light NUS took an active role defer repayments when their loans which has been flawed discussions in recent months in trying to prevent them and income is below 85% of aver- and troublesome since its intro- met with the banks bidding for age earnings and have an inter- duction six years ago. with a number of financial in- the contract to try to make the est rate linked to inflation will stitutions on the bids they have best of the ill-conceived plans. be preserved. A essential survival info for newbies * 2 Editorial Things That Get My Goat f you know me at all, pen'. IT HAS HAP- matter which side of the bar I'm a little wound up. I'm PENED...you just pulled out you are on they still wind me thirsty and Mr Ignorant Pig is and believe me by in front of me and by just be- up. You can spot him a mile making things worse. After Ithe end of the year ing there you are winding me off, the bar is fivepeopl e deep an order of about 15 pints (he you will, you will know up coz I have to sit here and and he is right at the back is sooooo hard) he asked for a that I am one of these look at you stupid car, with reaching over everyone wav- diet coke and the barmaid people that sees things as your stupid car stickers and ing a tenner in the barmaid's obliges (a little too willingly black and white. This in your air freshener in the front. face while some girl (usually in my opinion). As she places me) has to look at his armpit it on the bar, he looks at it and itself has its advantages It is the same in supermarkets, for half an hour. He shouts says "What is THAT, I asked and disadvantages, I am I've got this theory that peo- "Over here darlin'" and wink for diet coke" she explains quick to judge both ple steer their trolley the way at the barmaid and when she that the union only sells Pepsi people and things and if they drive a car. There is al- tells him to wait he turns to his and Pepsi Max on draughts. you ask me my opinion ways some nutter that cuts mates and makes comments He sighs and excepts the on a subject I can argue you up by the toilet rolls and like "What does a man have drink rather reluctantly. about it for hours without then stops without warning to to do to get a drink around look at tìie olive pate. GET A here" and "What a hole this This last one may not wind being able to give you an LIFE! You say, very politely, place is" and generally anyone else up but after explanation for why I "Can I get by?" and they look dissing the barstaff. Well go working for Whitbred for five feel that way. I at you as if you have just somewhere else, nobody years and everytime people mentioned briefly in my asked them to move to Bosnia wants you here anyway Mr ask for Coke you have to say sab star profile a couple today, which when I think Rude B*stard. I've got no its Pepsi (trade descriptions of weeks ago and have about it would be quite a time for it, verbal abuse to the and all that) you get a little had quite a few pleasurable alternative - at barmaid sets you back about p*ssed off with peopled least they would be out of my ten places in my book so if dissing Pepsi - THERE IS NO comments so I will give face. As you wheel your trol- I'm ever serving and you give DIFFERENCE. Come on Mr you a few examples and ley past tfiey look down their me the "darlin', sweetheart" Ignorant Pig (you know whd then maybe you can see nose at you and you can see line don't expect to get served you are) come and find me where I am coming from. them eyeing up your shop- before you graduate. and we'll do the Pepsi Chal- Metro drivers, now there's ping thinking ">^at a sur- lenge and prove me right. one to start on. Now Fm not prise, a student" Yeah, well at It is the same if I'm the cus- trying to pigeon hole people, least I'm getting an educa- tomer, the classic example Cheers for that, I feel better it just always seems to be tion, give it a couple of years was Friday night. As you after my little moan. This and it will be me looking know the union was a little week Bare Facts has got the them that does it. You're driv- down my nose at you Mrs busy and I, along with every- latest news and reviews of the ing along quite happily and Attitude Woman. one else, had to wait a while music world plus an exclu- some b*stard pulls out in to get served. As usual I've sive competition to win the front of you and then drives at Then you get those people, no got Mr Ignorant Pig who Ministry of Sound 5th Birth- 40mph in a 60 limit. They are now I come to think of it, it's meedles his way up beside me day CD, look out for the new always really short with a nearly always blokes that and then jumps the queue -1 look sports page with our large hat and some witty car think it is their god given right could see it coming. He gives veiy own sports editor Mark to push to the ftx)nt of a bar the barmaid a hard time for no 'Ginga' Cusak. Now read on sticker in the back that says and get served before every- apparent reason and manages and enjoy... 'my other car is a Porsche' or one else. Now I have worked to spill two drinks down my 'smile it might never hap- in a few pubs and it doesn't dress so as you can imagine Mel XXX

Editor • Meianie Dean Secretary • Situation Vacant Sports Editor - Mark Cusack Music Editor- Rob Winer University of Surrey Students' Newspaper Edhorial Contributions: ]eff Blackham, Rob Dorey, Andy Gale, Tania Rocks and others Music Reviews: Mei Odedra, fames Hemingway, Mark De Lange, Union House, University of Surrey, Vicki Snetgrove, Numnuts Guildford, Surrey. GU2 5XH

Phone: (01483) 259275 Sm fta k in Mdipsidtnt iwMp^, puUnhtd by Ih» Uninnily ofSiimy SudaitC Ur^ ConvnunlcMlOfU Offìci. Fax: (01483) 34749 n* «W «viimd wWrin tt» papn M «m oT thi Ediw. th* Edinlal boH^ «1)4 «a n«urilitiamUÌwtWol«wLNii>u'l.)iilQThb piMolIon n^ noi ba n^irad^ III v^^ n «tllMUaiwnlIrarSwiK. dKirìfauusd, wHhoul «miWi pwmtu Advertising: (01483) 259275 Iht rM lo nfuM udì painMo». SubMiùonìtulof ti noL aiiiiw i d pjbUdUan. Email: [email protected] ladud» *xjr Nirit uid Union o> Sun Nwite. Anonjnra «irf PMudonymout http://www.surrey.ac.uk/UnionA)f/ C Bare Fads and USSU 1996 Fresher News 3 I Hate First Year Students t least that may year at this hallowed estab- Bank gives you mug/Fris- never seem to dawn on you have got a small lishment was not entirely as bee/inflatable doll/whatever. until the A-levels seem like a number of people much fun as it was supposed You think Oooh, a present, bad dream. Ato at least read more than to be. just for me. Shopping two Unes of this before You may as well take this from You give bank grant cheque Shopping, however, is not one me, dear first year -1 hope you of the nocturnal activities going back to watching don't mind my superior man- Bank gives you switch card mentioned above, but a simi- Richard and Judy or ner, but you have to pretend You buy CDs/beer/fags/post- larity between the former and drinking beer (actually, that there is some benefit to ers/tapes/cinema tickets the latter can be drawn. Free Beer was going to having more essays to hand in, Firstly; the first few times you be the first line of this more coursework to do, and Bank sends you nasty letters have to really do it, this new less excuse for misbehaving - demanding money. relationship with the super- article, but I decided that that as well as university life You tum into an adult. That's market seems a marriage nobody would believe being great fun, there are a right. Banks make you old. made in heaven. You don't it). You may like to number of really rather hope- You begin university as a spend too much, and run round pretend that you are less and depressing elements child, have a good time being the aisles with ail your new- present at this university to living here. a student, and finish being a found friends looking for the Listed in reverse order: grown-up. I can't remember pot-noodle counter. But then because you want to who said that the only différ- the rot sets in. After a few develop a thirst for Money ence between adults and chil- shopping expéditions, the joy éducation or have a better Don't believe that nice lady at dren is that adults are children of shopping seems to get chance out there in the the listening bank, the bank in debt, possibly me. drenched in the rain pissing real world, but I know that likes to say 'yes', the bank down on you as you walk that the only reason that that gives you mugs (now that Deadlines home, or as you stagger has got to imply something) or About ninety percent of my boredly past the brightly lit any of you have come to the bank that for some reason first year was spent doing very packs of bland tasting boil-in- university is to do three insists on giving you Frisbees little. There seems to be a huge the-bag vomit. things: - they are ail up to something. amount of time for doing £Ü1 1. Pull. Banl^ are ail scum bags. Fact. those things you would rather So there you go. Provided that The only reason that they want be doing other than working. you stay in crédit, hand ail 2. Take various noxious sub- grotty, dirty, poor students is Then, despite being told in the your work in on time, and have .stances (primarily alcohol) because they know that they first week of term when ail of ail your food flown in from and regret it later. have a better than average the deadlines are, you sud- Harrods to your doorstep, then 3. Tell everyone else what a chance of ending up getting a denly find yourself with two you should be on the road to Ihoroughly good time you had semi-decent job (misguided days to go before a huge essay etemal happiness. I don't be- doing both of the above. soûls). They also know that has to be handed in. I had lieve a Word of this myself, no-one ever changes banks, so never worked ail night before you understand. My dishke of first years isn't once they have you on the Coming to this place. Having entirely fair. Perhaps it stems hook, they can just reel you in. said that, there are a number of Miles Hedgehog. from the fact that my own first This is what happens: night time activities which The Freshers They Are A Corning.... t's that time of year Ram - they do this really good ture that they have always as- a box of Milk Tray under the when hordes of eider which you can drink as sociated with the ancient Uni- angel's arm. gullible first years much of as you like without versities, like formai meals, Sub Aqua? Tell them that the Iwave a teary goodbye to chucking up"), and get plenty gowns, and the inauguration Union's facilities are some- of undesired attention from fi- ceremonies that have to be en- what limited and, in order to their Mum and Dad and nal years who made sure they dured to become a member of determine whether or not they embark on a intensive changed their bedsheets be- a particular society. And have the stamina for the activi- training course in the art fore going to the Union. here's where you can help - by ties, they need to survive a of being a student. But have a heart - for the vast inventing inauguration cere- quick pre-wash, wash, rinse, Despite having flown the majority of freshers it's their monies for your society. and spin cycle in the launder- nest, they are not left to first time away from home and The possibilities are endless, ette washing machines. fend for themselves - they are a bit nervy and need a and only limited by your hand to hold now and then. imagination. Rugby Club? The Maths society could just hundreds of second and They have only got a vague Strip naked and run round as easily come up with plenty final years are on hand to idea of what Univereity life is campus four times with your of fun ideas to match their guide them, nurture like and probably think it is boxer shorts on your head be- wacky, zany réputation. them, and generaliy just about copious amounts of fore jumping in the Iake and Let us know of any ceremo- ensure that their naivety alcohol, loafing, and parties downing six pints in quick nies you devise, and with a is not taken advantage of. every night. What is more, succession. Only then can you little effort from us ail we can Of course, the reality of it is they didn't really want to become a member. Thinlang make this University more, that as soon as the freshers tum come to Surrey anyway and about it, maybe you have to be erm, cultured. only ended up here because a member in the first place.... Up they are told ail the scare they got rejected by Oxford Sultan Shake stories, given advice on the and Cambridge. What they are Climbing Club? Scale the ca- best pubs to go to ('Try the longing for is a bit of the cul- thedra! three times and wedge 4 News Landlords from Hell Insure To Be y now most the English language, such as "contract cleaners". Now, to second years bave you and me, the words "con- Sure Bmoved into their tract cleaners" conjure up im- ave you just after taking his PC screen into house or room, which is ages of people in white moved into your the house he returned to his theirs for the next 12 plastic overalls with indus- car to find that someone had trial strength bleach and a Hnew Student nicked the system unit out of months or so. We have scrubbing brush. Landlords residence? Have you the tK>ot of his car. Unfortu- ali packed up our lives seem to have a different un- brought TV, radio etc nately in both cases he was into a number of smail derstanding of these words, with you? Is it insured? the one person in the house boxes, or in some cases and although you are charged If you are currently not sure without insurance after think- small vans, and have the bill of a contract cleaner, whether to insure your goods ing the cost outweighed the the cleaning may only be a against thejft either on or off risk. He is now PC/Hifi/TV been delivered back to quick run around with the campus, it may be worth tak- and video-less. University. Hoover by the landlord. So ing into account what hap- For most second years this is many people spent the week- pened to a friend of mine. (Just as a small aside whilst their fu-st experience of die end when they moved in being told this story in the real worid, of paying bills, scrubbing the kitchen with He had been living in his stur Pub over the summer some- cooking and cleaning for our- bleach, chipping limescale dent house since September one pinched his car from the selves (unless someone else off the bath, holding a memo- last year by which time he has pub car-park. This time in the house will do it for us). rial service for Albert the accumulated a few valuables though he did have insur- The idea of having our own mould who used to live in the such as TV, video, computer ance! Not been his year!) house for a year appealed to fridge (RIP) and throwing out and the like. Easter came and So if you are thinking about me, until I found the major the last tenants rubbish etc. he and his housemates ail dis- insuring your property, think drawback - the landlord. appeared home for a week or about it seriously. You may What a rare breed of person, OK, so our house is not ideal, so. Whilst he was away from find you have a month's one which commits the same it has squeaky floorboards, the house, they were broken breathing space as many act of huge stupidity each dripping taps, my boyfriend into and he had his TV, Video home contents policies will year. They Uve with the in- living there, but it is a shelter and Hi-fi pinched. He had cover you away from home sane belief that students are at least, that is for the time taken his PC home to use over for a month but September is capable of living in a house being. It has also introduced the holiday so avoided loos- nearly over. You have been for a year without parental su- us to many new situations and ing this too. The others in the warned. pervision and won't a) bum it people (such as Bristol CID house were lucky as they had down b) blow it up or c) leave and Simon the sexy handy- all taken their gear home with Jeff Blackham it in such a state that even the man), but it is away from pa- them. cockroaches will not live rental restrictions! there (but other students will Ilie tale doesn't end there as think that it will be perfect for Let us know about your house whilst moving back in April, next year). It should be said of horror stories here at Bare that US educated lot and land- Facts. lords have different under- PS Paul, I promise I did not standings of certain words in stare at his arse all day. Watch out, watch out, there's a fraudster about! ust a friendly Dodgy Bloke: "Yeah, top if Presented by Richard Littlejohn warning to be on the the range mate, cost about and Nicky Campbell look out for some nine hundred quid in the gy guys trying to sell shops come and have a look." J Student: "Er, I'm not really knock off gear. A student W6 have 20 FREE tickeis to give away was approached in the interested." park and ride car park off Dodgy Bloke: "Look mate, Guildford Park Road by I've got to get rid of them, a man in a white van. The name your price and we can conversation went negotiate." something like: Now anyone who is stupid Dodgy Bloke: "Scuse me enough to think that this deal If you are interested please contact: mate I wonder if you could was going to be kosher should help me out. My supplier be sent. back home to gul- Meianie Dean, Communications Office, SU stitched me up and delivered liblesville and take a crash Or ring 01483 259275 or ext9275 twenty-two sets of speakers course in 'How to Spot Bla- instead of two." tantly Obvious Criminals.' Free coach leaving from North Street, You have been warned. Guildford (opposite the library) at 8pm Student: "Eh?" Advert 5

We've put

thamorn just cosh inteo ou r

account

For more information about our Student Service, ring 0345 321321, and speak to Janet Sanders, our Student Adviser at PO Box 236, University of Surrey, Guildford, Surrey GU2 52X.

€^ NatWest More than just a bonk

Notionol Westminster Bonk Pic, Registered Office: 41 Lothbury, London EC2P 2BP. Registered Number 929027 England. CTelephone) colls mog be monitored/recorded for stoff troining. 6 Music Album Reviews 5UEDE - Coming Up (Nude) ••••••• Never liked Suede, they seemed to be all histrionics with little substance, admit- tedly Bernard Butler was a good guitarist, but Brett An- derson's voice was just annoying and on top of that I thought that the music was rubbish. So it has to be said that I'm surprised by 'Com- ing Up', not only does Brett's voice not seem so initating, it only grates a couple of times here and there - more often on the slower tracks, but Suede have put together a fíne set of songs. Many of these songs hark back to early-seventies era Bowie (when he was good). Musically the songs are less cluttered than before, they seem to be sparser despite the addition of key- boards, giving an overall sound to the album that is very appealing. The first track, Mexico or in it's genre, is excellent, with Bust sets the tone for the rest some good tunes. This sort of At last Suede have made an There wasn't much of a press of the album, with it's d^ert- music isn't for me though. album that the hype of a few release with this, so there's like drone and deranged vo- James. years ago warranted. Rob. not much I can say about New cals. A good opener and one Kingdom, having never heard of the best tracks on the al- NEW KINGDOM - of them before. However, bum. he style continues 5U5CIRCU5 - these two brothers produce through the album with harsh, Carousel (Echo) Paradise Don't funky (on occasions) hip-hop raw lyrics and bass Unes. Ani- •••••••y Come Clieap (Island) rap, somewhere between Cy- mal (track 10 I think) e ven •••••• press Hill and The Beastie features some cool Gary Boys. Moore / Floyd like guitar. Mmmm... this is nice. An al- Paradise Don't Come Cheap, bum to wind down to after several beers, music to fili a comfy silence. Radium .OF Tnií WEEK :: ^ T • The kind of fragility captured in songs such as 'I Want BILLY Bioke (kevoíution) . li,, • You Like an Accident,' or 'So Strange' is similar to that of Radiohead, and the storytel- ling prominent in most of the After five, long, nappy changing years the Big Nosed Barä from Barking, is finally back with songs, notably '20th Century anoíher notch on his hit list (ooh err!). Who could I possibly be on about? Why, tlie master Bitch' or 'Las Zoot Suit' is of "politically correct" songs himself, Billy Bragg:.Who?... What? I hear the Úgoíed Tory reminiscent of Suede's sproggitts (surely none at this Uni!?!?!), shoutl If between '83 and '92 you preferred lo watch 'Dark Star.' 'Gardeners World' to Top Of The Pops', and thought thaí Mrs. Thatcher was the womáh who ran the corner shop, then tum away now.,. However for those that remember probably It's not ali mellow though. the most definitive figure in modem ^liticai pop,'lhen this album is.for,you!! ! The occasionai wake-up cali in the forms of '86'd' or Gane are Braggs days of vivid Tory bashing with a twist, and in come, the more earthy and 'Shelly's on the Telephone' unfiissy sounds of his latest set *WilìiamBioké':Thjs album probably reveas more ¿out his stop you from drifting of alto- transitions in ideoìogy and character in the lasl'^w-y^s; thkii the book 'Billy ¿raggi His geüier. transitions in ideoìogy and'character'...ifthere.vvére such a thing. Songs such as 'Brickbat' tug at the heari strings in the most unseniimental-wayl Choice Unes suctas; "I used to plant Subcircus will undoubtedly bombs at thè l^t night of the Proms, butnow yóuMl fiiid me with the baby; in" the bathroom" have to put up with the Radio- will ipeVitably get pulled out to signify Bragg's'domcsticated withdrawai from the trenches, head / Suede comparison for some time to come, but it won't be long before they What"more can I say but,í'.v buy <, eam the récognition they de- serve. Vichi. Music 7 Album Reviews 'Mellon Collie and the Infmite second mix is provided by art- IMPERIAL TEEN - Sadness' instead. Vicki. ist, promoter and Norwegian 12 R0UNP5 - Jitter Seasick (Slash) bloke, DJ Peer, not a conunon Juice (Poly¿Íor) household name, but he' s been •••••• VARIÛU5 - House around a bit and it shows. Anyone considering buying Collection Club Some really good tracks, just Can't say I wasn't wamed... this album on the basis of band Cìaeelcò Volume 2 watch out for the large "tortured, dark and indefín- member Roddy Bottum's in- amounts of cheese. able" said the press release - an volvement with Faith No (Fantazia) Large it Mike! "Die third and amazing understatement. This More should be advised by ••••••• fin^ mix on Volume 2 is just is an escapee from an.asylum, this Gestalt orientation: "the pure electric, a combination of veering between oddly mel- whole (FNM) is greater than Añer the phénoménal success happy house and uplifting pi- low and mean, very pissed off the sum of its parts (in this of Fantazia's House Collec- ano breaks. Mike Cosford has, Daisy Chainsaw. This album case, Roddy.)" Imperiai Teen tion Club Classics, the 'up for in my opinion, captured what will most likely fili you with pales horribly in comparison. it' label returns. Yet again it' s ali about. Filled with bang- morbid dread when you first gracing us with some of the ing tunes, 'Rock da House' play it, but no matter how The tortured musician angle is finest tunes to have enter- (track no. 2) is superb. much you resist, it will grow downright depressing. Not tained clubland over the last on you. Which is worrying. even the punk influence pre- few years. Club Classics Vol- If you've been clubbing over There is no in-between stance sumably contributed by the ume 2. the last few years you'll appre- with this - love it or snap it in two female band members ciate this album, if not maybe half Their technique is ques- (both formerly of The Wrecks The mixes, provided by Bran- its time you found out what it tionable, they certainly love -an American ali-girl punk don Block, Mike Cosford and was ali about. But don't be noise for the sheer sake of it, band,) can save the album DJ Peer, contain anthem after fooled, rather than bright and but with ail credit they pull it from slashing its wrists. (Al- anthem of pure class. Remem- imaginatìve, this album is as off quite well. A couple of though "You're One" is ber that tune you really liked much a création of the market- dodgy tracks, but what do you bouncier, 'Imperiai Teen' is but never got around to buying department at Fantazia, expect on ñve inches of oddity pleasantly mellow and 'Water ing, well here's your chance. than the DJs themselves. like this? If you make the Boy' is crunchy and more Brandon Block, Nuff Said, al- Overall a good album, maybe brave décision to buy this, a punk inspired.)'Seasick' is though not his best work he not as 'classic' as volume 1, word of waming do NOT fall nothing that the Smashing stili manages to rock from a but as compilations go worth asleep with this playing on Pumpkins haven't done better large height. Classic hard it. Oh yeah, it's got a nice red your stereo. Mark. do yourself a favour, buy house at near perfection. TTie box. Numnuts. Singles Reviews The premier release from the punk, hey they even got Bill mix of a trashy chart dance 5ILVEf^6UN-Er new HOP album Rise Price in to produce it for that music backing that has been (Polydor) Again' does nothing for origi- extra credibility. Obviously heard many times before and •••••• nality. going to be hyj^ as they've weedy vocals that purport to If track one sounds familiar, or already done Top Of The be soulfiil, but in reality would Catchy and bouncy but ulti- you catch yourself lip- Pops. 'Nothing' is not much not have a due what real soul mately middle of the road rock synching to Üie lyrics even good really, if you want punk was. Probably be a hit if the from the men (originally though you've only heard it buy the New Bomb Turks new radio plays it though... Rob. 'Sun') with worryingly fe- once, it's not because you're album instead. Rob. male voices. Bearable, but psychic. It's because the "bad SHAMPOO -1 Know how much else does it sound boys of New York" have re- ROC-Hey You Chick like? Mark. hashed their old lyrics and put What Boys Like them over the tune to the Lu- (ShamROC) (Food) cozade t.v. ad. The album ver- ••• ••• NO DOU&T-Just A sion, however is less Girl (MCA) commercial (better lyrics, no Dance-pop from this obscure ••••• ad tune) and perhaps does trio, apparently very radio What's this? The Smurfs? them more credit. friendly, though I don't think This single sounds like a really it will get much airtime. Not a naff 80s effort mixed with Lightly poppy, very twee rock l'm not saying that the single bad tune, but as the title sug- even dodgier interludes of 80s with a compulsory brass sec- isn't catchy, or that it won't be gests, seriously sad and limp heavy metal. tion. Apparently this quartet popular, l'm just expressing lyrics. Annoying. James. If you really must buy this sin- has got as far as supporting the the disappointment that I think gle, listen to track 4, a cover of Rd Hot Chili Peppers, which I l'm entitled to. Vicki. The Rezillo's 'Top of the can't quite see, but if they say 5HÈNA- More Than Pops.' It'spunky,fullofspirit so, then... Mark. FLUFFY- Nothing Woman (:VC:) and more worthy of being re- (Virgin) •• leased than the first track. H0U5E OF PAIN - •••• Vicki. Fed Up (Tommy Boy) Apparently this is a Nu Soul The Camden based girls fall record, an easily defìned genre somewhere between Hole and if this is anything to go by, a 8 Music Corrosion Of Conformity Garage London 30-8-96 orrosion Of man Brothers and the classic knock the mike into my face... is not noticeable, I suspect he rock of Thin Lizzy and Led I don't have was way down in the mix. Conformity have Zeppelin. The COC sound is 'King of the Rotten' is the Cchosen London powerful, aggressive and yet insurance." best new song on display, a as one of the cities for a retains a sense of melody diat 'Albatross' is a mellower raging number that segues warm up show for their is absent in so much music song, showing that COC are into 'Seven Days' then these days. COC have not for- no longer the hardcore act of 'Senor Limpio'. The set ends most important foray gotten their roots and remain yore but now a truly powerful with 'Vote With A Bullet', into Europe in their to this day a politically moti* and àtmospherìc rock band, which has to be restarted career, the support slot vated act, supporting Rock "ni just practice my stage when Keenan nearly loses his on Metallica's extensive For Choice, Rock The Vote as banter, for when we're out head as the mike stand goes tour. well as campaigning for with Metallica", Keenan says flying. The band encore "Do It is somewhat ironie really as rights for Native Amerìcans. "this is the title song of our you want a fast one or a slow eoe were the band that Met- new albiun, 'Wiseblood'" as one?", the crowd chose fast, allica admitted they were in- Pepper Keenan, sporting a an introduction to the fìrst of we get 'Fuel', two minutes of fluenced by in their earlier new bob haircut, s^logises four new numbers in the eve- manie power which shows days. eoe have developed for COC's late arrivai on nings set. The newer songs that the band still have their from the straight ahead hard- stage, "Reed was out shop- are the logicai progression roots in hardcore. core act of Aeir formative ping", then they rip into 'My from the last album 'Deliver- years into a high quality rock Grain' the sound is better than ance', the band retaining a What an excellent gig from act drawing on a wide variety Fve heard in the Garage be- Constant line up for the first the finest "metal" band of musical influences from fore, the guitars crisp and time and that shows with the around. See them with Metal- the Detroit punk of MC5 and Keenan's vocals sounding tightness they exhibit. For lica, they are worth the ticket the Stooges, the hardcore of raw. Crowd surfers pour onto 'Clean My Wounds' COC are price alone. Minor T^at and Black Flag, the stage to pose and then joined by an extra guitarist, to the Southern rock of jump, Keenan tells them to who had won a competition Lynyrd Skynyrd and the Ali- "Get up and get off, and don't for the privilege, his presence

WIN 74 MiNiSTm Of SOl^ND ALBI^M

The mtDaily Telegrap HALFh , in conjunctio Of.n with Th 74e Ministr WHOLty of Sound are offerin gDtCADt you the chance lo win ''On WITHe Half of a Whol eTHt Decade' TtLEGìFAVH which features exclusive mixes from the three different styles of nights at the club, on 3 CD's. GDI, Rulin', mixed by Todd Terry and CJ Mackintosh, is a jouiuey through Garage, whilst CD2, Frisky?, sees Jon Pleased Wimmin and Seb Fontaine crashing through some fierce house. CD3, Logical Progression, finds LTJ Bukem mixing down the finest Dmm 'n' Bass Toons. To enter this free prize draw please answer the multiple choice question below, buy one copy of The Daily Telegraph or The Sunday Telegraph and send the masthe^ (where the name and date of the paper appear at the top of the page) togeüier with your entry to: Melanie Dean Bare Facts Union House Guildford GU2 5XH or drop it into the Bare Facts office in the Students' Union.

The Ministry of Sound features many DJs, which of the PJ's beiow te resident? a. CJ Mackintosh b. David Morales c. Frankie Ivnuckies Tanni »d CondUanK 23.. OB« ThaTtlagra^doOTnctMc^ilrMpanifeaylorair only op*) lo NUS «udMi. y vplciUonttM^ 54. ThAl* deckimug dMd b**tor aceornfmflw ippfMi M bmy on k* 5 pm Mcndty 3(»i 8ifi«vnbar IM. 7a. ThNo« CM«*n«h alMTMÜr «A b«n winounct • dM dIi al Vw a«n«nl MMdng en TlMvdBy 11t OcWw 1M6. Freshers Welcome.... Well, now you've arrìved and tumed up on 8th September make me one back at rm sure you've heard many and Intro Week has been re- your place." horror stories and myths about named 'F**k a Fresher University. At most universi- Week*. I am not telling you Don't let any of this put ties, the freshers start before Uiis to scarce you, just to give you off, Intro Week will the second and final years so you a friendly waming that be the highlight of your they have time to sort them- some people that come and university career, l'm selves out before the 'profes- talk to you on the first few stili talking about mine sional' students arrive. nights may have ult^or mo- now - four years on! Unfortunately you have a dis- tives. They will use lines like Melxxs advantage because the con- "Let me show you round the tinuing students are already lake, that's where everyone back and well into the swing hangs out after the union has of university life after their clo^" or "ali students drink summer break. The talk of you Ioads of coffee, wby don't you lot airìving started when diey Do's and Don'C's for inCro Week

Do Don't i. tifi- fMffi mutm tutd te¿¿ Aet tf^ti'vc étet^ 2. iftt t^ éttó*» fmv 4iute U Ùtfc ttâá^ WHomed ^ìii^ ft^ VfCaUi' »tUf ttivn^. tííem (a^ « ê^. Sf ^tñ^ itt ^Mtf^ itftfMV' ótti^ itttt^ ftmcf^. $. THù!^ - táe NKMe fw» mêC tU iet^. 3. SW éAf - €**€ny9H€ tÌU ^^tmc patíUm. 4, Sam0U t^ (mí « tvUÌ áet^ ^ fuU» if tf^tc Mt^ - ^tUtdààef^ i^fwt^ eámttfe ^^¿ttff iit Me 5, fwmd ânnmtitetd «m^ <)» mutáe 5. Ûovif «té^ttC tíMfüt^ « ^¿fw « átéaá - it is 6,/4tMU ^«eaUoMó^ ¿aU "T&áat ^ éet^ <ùd f atmíinf VHtcAtuUcml Sffinetîit^ ** ^m» W ^ pietOf time t^ éme ùUm »tíá it taten,, S, « Atmàt 7. TBÂviU«^ f. USS'U 4€etffUtf ^téuàe táe ¿M hù^ tutd f€t éûtHtet ^tem táe tmiM^ táe tient ^W» fe^tM. Sttêf ywM^y t9e tmtdi «mtC tiMtáe luxt t^ «»À» 4 /4 CevcC yw mm- nememée* éut tióttàeùi' tuume. fO. SxfieU é^mA maitafet-1» it ú^mfMtáttie, ...you can start enjoying . arrived at Student life - for all its ups and downs, overdrafts and lege... essay deadlines.

But while you are hard at worlc, eyes down in the library or getting down at the disco, you can be sure that someone is out there working for you. NU8 is one of the biggest student organisations in the world, and through over 800 Student union members, represents the views and interests of nearly three million students throughout the United Kingdom. NUS provides research, representation, training and advice for students and student unions, and deals with over 15,000 welfare enquiries each year and trains over 3,000 student officers. Students have to decide whether or not their college or university student union should affiliate to NU8, and often vote in a cross-campus ballot Students do not have to contribute individually to NUS but their student union will pay an affillation fee. Nearly 900 Student unions are currently in NUS - virtually every college and university in the country. Students from Colleges in NUS get an NUS card, a national identity card that guarantees huge discounts in museums, art galleries, cinemas, theatres, travel agents, and even 10% off at Levi's Original Jeans Stores, Top Shop, Miss Selfridge, and many other shops and outlets, both locally and nationally. There are also special deals for students through Endsleigh Insurance, the insurance company set up by NUS to deal with specific Problems of student insurance. Students from Colleges in NUS also get the many benefits of the resources of NUS, and their Student union can make massive savings on commercial services, through the special deals negotiated by NUS Services Limited, a company wholly owned by the student movement. Students from Colleges in NUS also get the many benefits of working with NUS on campaigns and representation, plus free legal advice, proper training for the student union officers, and massive assistance for their student union officers from NUS staff aerosa the country. Students from Colleges in NUS also get to play their part in decision making and campaigns, and each and every student can get involved - even get elected as National President. This year NUS will carry on high profile campaigning, especlally on issues such as student hardship, the underfunding of education, and on the menace of racism and fascism on campus. We have to work together to raise awareness of the crlsis of student hardship. It is disgusting that one in four students considers dropping out because of hardship, one In three miss lectures and deadlines because of working part-time and one in three students actually miss meals because they can't afford to eat. The only way to solve the crisis of student hardship is to change the system. We need to make sure students have enough money to eat, to buy t>ooks, to study, to live. We have real and positive ideas for change and ifs time for NUS to lead the way in a debate on the future of education funding. CampusWatch, a 24 hours phone line for students to cali to report incidente of racism and fascism on campus, is an NUS project launched nearly two years ago. In the first 18 months since the phone line opened NUS has had calls from students all over the country, reporting Incidente such as leafleting, graffiti, verbal and even ph^ical harassment and assault The CampusWatch scheme has provided support to many student victime and has helped student unions and collages work to combat the increase in racism and fascism in the UK. We have to continue this campaign and work together to ban hatred from our Colleges. We will also work with the Rock The Vote campaign to encourage people to register to vote before ^e next General Election. Ifs not a politicai campaign but about maidng sure you have the opportunity to have your say. Ask for a form from your student union and register to vote today.

tf you want to find out more about NUS look up our web site at littp;ffiwww.nue.org.uk/

Ali the best, and looking forward to meeting you soon Douglas Trainer NUS National President UNIVERSITY Tfie^ TMfik ii'd USSU Ents Planner Week Ending 22nd Sept OF SURREY aß om UNION Special Event/sJ^^^fJnion for your These Sounds Fall Info My Mind iOn Promo Saturday Sunday

Wed Week £2 per team Feat Love De uxe FIUŒ BAN» sita£1 AH Nighi t DAVID DEVANT & Wed Week .. lS. Guests Allowed! HIS 8PIRIT WIFK Wed Week 14 imimngû dûmesTeam Mffhi Corning Soon Wed Week 15 inkÎng???? Ro>y Mc&wJU & Pltìlip Pof) ^ U/0 II II Tbfi mm DBATH BY COUNTRY UNIVERSITY or StiRREY SEMESTER 1 AT A GLANCE U M lOM Check Out "Bare Facts" for weekly info. mors TUE^ WE^D Tliu F^RI

SEPWEET 9-1K5 1 [MnQni WEEK 2 ?uhQai% SUB€IU€US SEPT 16-22 HefgiiHMe F.N.0 Happy Hour DAVID DEVANT WEEKS & Folk Cabaret «BIS SPIRIT SEPT 25-29 Free Disco Club F.N.0 SUA« WIFE WEEK 4 Intro Week Christian TBE Helpers VuhQui^ Union (LMt =>S JOHN SBfT30-OCT 6 HeCyiil^Me F.N.0 i.-i MIZAROLLI Disco Banil IIAN1» WEEKS Folk Comedy SALAD OCT 7-13 Club Network F.N.0 SIIA6 WEEK 6 VakQuii RoryMM MY LIF1Ì OCT 14-20 HeS^nitMe- MByCoiiieil^ F.N.0 SIXIRY WEEK? Folk Comedy OCT 21-27 Club Network F.N.0 iUM VSIIÎT414 Halloween WEEKS Put Qui^ OLIVERS OCT 28.nOV 3 HeEyiiKM^ F.t.O ARMY WEEK 9 Folk Comedy F.N.0 riOV 4-1G Club Network iUM WILDWOO» WEEK 10 Vfé-Qmì nov 11-17 KeCyiiKMe F.N.0 THE E(ü(il WEEK 11 Folk Comedy snafi NOV 18-24 Club Network F.N.0 TBA WEEK 12 MOV 25-DEC 1 Kefiyiil^MQtti^e F.N.0 Lf t:> WEEK 13 Folk Comedy DEC 2-8 Club Network F.N.0 suaa DEWEEC K9-1 51 4 KeCyiil^e F.N.0 WEEK 15 Folk XMAS DEC 16-22 Club Disco

SKS K IMf.- wiitv .JfiH ILA* ••V.'O It.'^^.i gf- f;.*'.' t* • * •^laa Ji® NTERNATIONAL

STUDENTS!

.vi

Part-Time Freelance

With Ruency in eittier: Béngali, Chinese, Greek, italian, Russian, Spanish, or Weish!

Working from home on an IBM compatible computer. Full training given!

CAF^MA International i$ the leading consuttancy in the analysis of media content. Our msearch findings are used as forward-looking management inteltìgence by a spéctrum of btue-chip companies. Wide Please fonrard your af)pHcatk>n wHh C.V. to:

Maggie Bunows. Office Manager, CARMA Intemational Ltd, Craven House» Statica Róad, Godalming, Sun«y, QU71JD Myths about University Fridays which was something I had a lot Money Is So Tight People of time for. If you are doing a course USSU cannot condone the use of Reuse Teabags which has a lot of hours each week then them. plan your large nights care^lly, you his was what I got told might want to save yourself fw the week- Guildford Is A Poor when I started, and I didn't end. FNO (Fnday Nite Out for those not Excuse For A Town And really believe it until it in the know) is the highlight of the union Tcame to the end of my fìnal year. social life and not one to be missed! Only Worth Going To The last five weeks of term I had Through Clearing no grant, no The Beer Is Dead Cheap es, Guildford is only a small money his is one that causes a town and the university and I storm every year, freshers Yonly has 7,500 students but had turn up expecting the beer that doesn't make it bad, in fact it T is an advantage. If you were given to be £1 a pint but here it is not, it expecting the University of Surrey up my is all due to what the beer pays for. to be like Manchester or Leeds job to At most universities the university then you will be bitterly concentrate on my itself runs things like minibuses. disappointed. The University of exams. It got so bad diat I was Here they are run by the union, and Surrey is small and because of that living off cream crackers and to keep the cost of running them you get to meet a much broader black tea! down they are quite heavily range of people across courses and Don't panic - it was entirely my own fault subsidised by the years. Everyone looks after each I hadn't budgeted properly. On my indus- union. other and the atmo^here it creates trìid year I had earned more money in one People often ar- moÀth that my grant was per semester, I gue that they is great. It's just like a great big was used to ttie good life and spending don't use family (Ed - sorry too much what I liked. the mini- cheese). W^n you get your grant cheque rem^- buses so berthat it comes in three times a year and why should The clute in town; Bojanglez, Cindies this first one has got to last you until they have to pay and Harpers are not great but if you like Christmas. If your parents aren't able to for them with ex- dancing your socks off to 80's nite or give you any extra money, think about pensive beef. Well charttunes then you'll do fine. If you want getting a - cream crackers are not v^ the USSU is of the opinion that scnnetfaing a bit more up to the minute appetising. the union should cater for all its members, then Lon^n is only half an hour away on not just the beer drinks. The arguments the train. are sure to continue as they do every year. uff said, there is loads Everyone At University One bit of good news for you price sensi- more I could say but Stays In Bed All Day tive beer drinkers, the USSU still sells the university is about n the first week the social life cheapest beer in Guildford. Ncreating your own experiences not is hectic, everyone is getting to hearing about mine. The first Iknow one another and you are Everyone At University semester will go so fast and things going out a lot more than you Does Drugs will change quickly from your would do normally. This does tend friendship groups to your attitude to mean that you wake up later and his is not and perspective on life. What later as the week goes on. Once true people don't always realise is that your lectures start it makes it even TYes when you come to university what harder to have large nights when as with you've got a nine o'clock the next every place you learn in the classroom is moming, Richard and Judy are there is a immaterial, it's what you learn calling you to stay in bed and few groups outside that shapes your life. educate yourself, of students University is the ultimate life but with a bit of that do drugs but that experience so sit back and enjoy... practice nine doesn't mean that you have to. Ym o'clocks can sure at college, you had the groups be made - that would go for a fag behind the honest. bikesheds, you may even have I was in the soci- been one of them! Well the ology depart- situation is the same at university, ment and they the only difference is that these never had lectures at nine o'clock or on kinds of drugs are illegal and the TRings you sRould Rave done - The ôt MoVed in ii;itR Rouse mates Most eMbouassinû tRing done - Metamorphosis Of Come out o(j tRe sRonreJi 'au natUJiel' to |yind j^niends parents Children Visiting. Having successfuity managed to negotiate Guiidford's one way traffic crisis you puii up in one of the Universities Third year: fine carparks. Stepping out of the car you begin your Topic 0|y ConVcJiSQtion - joumey through university with a look of wide eyed Inno- cence. A path that will eventually mould you into a guilty HvflUxe you Uni is insomniac. Hv/Ry you don't biour tRe peJison urdo loas R&xe bejjcxe you BitcRing aboui Row eVeiiyone txeots you lilae an idiot To help you on your epk: joumey the wisdom of the ancients (a few old farts in the BF office) has been gath- Pass ti«£S - ered and distilled to produce this handy reference. H\/o)ii2ing Your first year: Tïying to (jind soMeone. in you section, it;Ro still goes to Topic aoKi>€jiscitioii - nigRtclubs yi leJ^ds ' wKat Qiades did (jou get Best expexienCe - t Raii (h tde bûtIt/HiCk youx Mite/tziU you ftoMSteJi Best expejiience - Pass tiM£S - Gjiaduating... J^nally "BtfcRiiig about HouseMOtes beRind tReix bocfes S\/oiist expeJiienCe - TiûUeitiiig to and \jUm. Uni (Revising Biggest pnobteMS - item you luisRed you Rad - ^KotHg some. uKisRiKg-up iiquid/ôliet Holts ûomputeJi - so you don't RaVe to uKlit fjOA lO Roujts in tRe Mullens bef;[Oiie a ComputeA is (;Jiee "Best expcAienCe - Degue CeJitiffiCOte Moving (K (at stcuit o\j yeoji) Moving out (at end yeaji) TRings you sRould Rave done - fêVise some moue S\/oiiSt expcAienCe - Cleaning out tR^ batR. Most emboxAOSsing tRinû done - Geüing slaugRteJied and insulting iRe Item you -urisRed you Rad - TV license Cat. Henxy S Katt Films 9 Od^c^ Film Times Week Friday 20th Commencing September Striptease (18) Fri and Sat 1.30, 4.00, 6.40, Sun to Thürs 12.55, 3.30, 9.35 6.05.8.40

the performance. Rob Roy has Emma (U) sexy men wearing skirts (we i, and welcome cater for all tastes), with stun- Fri and Sat 3.05,5.45, 8.30 ning scenery and lots of vio- Sun to Thürs 3.00,5.35, 8.15 back to a new lence (so I have been told). Hsemester from Bruce Willis takes over on the the furry little lion. The Thursday and we expect a Independence Day (12) OFU society will be high body count. Please re- showing many different member that these films are Fri and Sat 2.35,6,05, 9.25 Sun to Thürs (1.30 not films for everyone this for FRESHERS ONLY and Thursday), 4.55, 8.05 term. Our season starts (temporary) union cards are with "Get Shorty"on required for entry to these 29th September. The films. Arrive early as seats are freshers have the limited. James and the Gìant unmissable opportunity The rest of you will just have of Coming to two free to wait, howeveryourpatience Peach (U) will be rewarded by the most Fri and Sat 12.40, 2.30 Sun to Tues and Thürs films in week 3, and exciting season on record, 12.50 buying a season ticket at with Se7en, Heat, Goldeneye, No screening Wednesday the same time. and The Muppets Treasure Is- For the freshers the two free land. Hie Alts season contin- films are "Rob Roy" on Tues- ues with the Brothers day (24th) and "Die Hard McMullen on 25th, tickets #2 Phenomenon (PG) With A Vengeance" on Thurs- (concessions) See you soon, Fri and Sat 4.20,7.00,9.45 (5.50 not Thursday), 8.35 day (26th). Season tickets will OFU. Sun to Tues and Thürs 3.00, No screening "Wednesday be available before and after The Word of Stage Crew In the beginning there was AND so on Monday they rested ple who are specialised in darkness from their labours. And crew fighting and in sound. Crew said "Let the bar be blessed the Monday and made AND opened", and there was much it sacred because they had a We are at the heart of Union Crew saw the darkness and drinking of Kronenbourg and Crew gathering at 6pm life! said: "Let there be an indus- loopy juice. Crew decided it Ifyou would like to learn triai style light rig", and it was was "massive and hard". But AND more about Crew visit our bright with many bright col- then the bar closed The crew that considered website at ours. Crew saw that it was AND themselves "Rock 'n' Roll" "http://www/sur- good, but there reigned a si- decided that it was no longer rey.ac.ukZ-'meSlnh/cre- lence Crew saw there was much to 'Tough and Hard" and went whome.htmV de-rig and said: "Let there be into the real world. and the rest AND packdown", and it was so. Or contact the Stage manager Crew separated the day from of crew rejoiced! or Technical manager on ex- Crew heard the silence and the night and the day they Well that is a brief insight into tension 9984. said: "Let there be a massive calied "sleep" and the night the USSU Stage Crew, we sound rig" and it was loud and they calied "gig". provide all the lights and there was much merriment in sound for events in the union the Union, Crew heard that it BY and many clubs and society was good. But there was no The Monday crew had fin- events as well. We have peo- drink. ished the work they had to do. 10 Feature Pierce Off ody piercing - is it case of the keen trampolinist belly-flop manoeuvre in his the trampoline to great ap- art or who had both of his nipples routine. Down he went, but as plausè, and ran to the chang- pierced and then took part in he hit the trampoline his nip- ing rooms with tears B an inter-imiversity competi- ple rings got caught in the streaming down his face to self-mutilation? tion, ignoring the 'no jewel- weaving. Up he bounced, re- soothe himself with ice For some the progression lery' mie. Understandably he ceiving the most almighty packs. from ear-rings to decided that since no-one twang on his nipples. The nose-rings to a Even nipples aren't that nut-and-bolt through the shocking anymore. Consider penis is perfectly naturai, the case of Billy who had but for the rest of us it just more metal than flesh on his brings a tear to the eye. penis. He had one ring and three bolts through his penis, In the last year or two, thou- and eight rings in his testicles. sands of belly buttons have He was a bit of a DIY freak, sprouted a ring of some sort. doing ali his own piercing, It ali seems nìce and simple - but one day he went too far. go to a professional piercer, Deciding he wasn't suffi- get a needle shoved in your ciéntly weighted down, he tum, and away you go. Before went and pierced the no-. long you get to réalisé that man's-land between his testi- your new companion can be cles and anus. Sadly he quite painful. Generally it can pierced a bit too deep, and it take three to six months for got infected. He was left you to get used to the ring, walking as though he had and wearing anything tight shingles, hardly able to move. around the waist in that time If any Surrey students want to can give great discomfort. teli US the joys of their body But Uien there are those that piercing experiments then are unlucky... poor stérilisa- we'd be glad to know. Also, tion can cause granulation of the first person to guess cor- the skin between the ring and rectly where our Communi- the body resulting in a Tump cations Officer is pierced gets that has to be surgically re- a free piercing like Billy's! moved, but not before it has would be able to see the pain was the most unbear- caused much agony. pierced nipples, no-one able, searing pain you coutd Pierce Brosnan Bellies are old hat though. would complain. Ali was go< imagine, but he managed to What about something a little ing well until he came to the finish his routine. He leapt off more eroticwaxtiì;? Consider the » 0X0 ARK BACK... AND THIS TIMK IT'S ... n^ T>iii n^hn PERSONAL? Scribble your message on a piece of paper (nice handwriting please) /tia^U Dnló 1 with your nome and union card number and drop it Into the Bare FSCts Bo" J/ can dfaw a few eaeÍ0üH$ for us 0W iht eorning ^eat iken pop 'mio ike office surr^y-^"-"' Pleose submit your personáis BEFORE or eail on 9275 Monday 5pm for paper and Tuesday 5pm for e-mail Notices 11 Notices BE FAMOUS! ALL SOR'l'S OF SPORTS Wanted Urgently One Undergrad Rep and one There is aproposal coming be- RFPORI'S NEEDED. Postgrad Rep to go to the Uni- fore the Union Executive Help Bare Facts bring you the latest happenings versity's Residential Acco- Committee on Thursday 26th in Surrey sport. modation Committee. See September to establish an 'In- President, Sharon Baker, for ternational Tamil Society'. details. Any objections or questions 13© a ©©DoGffBfeoateff should be submitted to the We don't just want reports, if you feel like President in advance. writing whether Glenn Hoddle snould use the Diamond or Christmas Tree formation or what a scuba diver got bitten by, then ... AGMs • • Norwegian Society LGB Soc 2nd October 1996 at 7pm in 8th October 1996 at 8pm in lecture theatre L. TBll. Contact me (Ginga - BF sports Ed) through my pigeon hole in the Students' Union, or go and see Meli, she's well keen you know. EGMs So go ahead, Scout and Guide Boxing Club get your name In print • Club Be Famous. 9th October 1996 at 7pm (be- 23rd September 1996 at fore training) atCampusport. 7.30pm in TB23.

Ti^ Z^ic^ ct'a cUe oote^. . .. SfiCCÙU SoCttÌA ÌM. tAc TÌHtOK ^ tfom SPORTS UECISTRATION TOecUtàdiUf Kc^ AfioniiM^ fUeoMne ^^^ ihe Mega Sporti Quiz INTRODUCTORy OFFER Tuesday 17th - FWday 20th First years only September ONLY Week Race Night - Gamble yer Granii 4 BIJY A CAMPUSPORT Week England vs. Poland M The final BUSA COMBINED, FITNESS OU 5 Uve on the BIG Telly 01 Send Off DOSH MEMBERSHIP Week WEDNESDAY NIGHT BAR SPORTS Beer Races The Beer Leagues AND RECEIVE THE Prize for the team tnat drinks REGISTRATION CARD the most over the BUSA weeks ^ALUE £5.00) FREE] Man Utd. vs. Juventus jff Boddingtons Lh/e on the BIG Telly Ov On Promo ihe Mega Sporis Quiz

Thod«

Sporting Injuries of injury can be avoided if ex- more difficult they will be to riod (i.e. rested in a position ommon causes of ercise and sport are ap- remedy. From the point of higher than the heart.) sports injuries proached in a sensible and view of the individual, it is Cinclude more complété manner. Un- important to gain some knowl- •The ice should be applied for •Not being fully fit for your 25 minutes every 2-4 hours for sport fortunately however, even if edge about their injury, i.e. a period of 24 -48 hours de- ail précautions are taken to what the injury is, how long it pending on the severity of the Incorrect technical appHca- prevent injury by the individ- should be rested, what work injury. ion ual, there still remains an ele- needs to be done to make sure ment of risk involved with ail the injured area is correctly re- •It is always best to seek medi- Incorrect or worn footwear sporting activities, whether be introduced to exercise and cal attention to make sure Lack of correct warm up / it in a compétitive setting or what type of treatment is there is no underlying prob- cooldown not. Normally the more com- needed. lem, i.e. broken or fractured pétitive the activity the more bones. This especially impor- Accidental injuries (includ- common injuries tend to be. If the injury is treated correctly tant where injury has been sus- ng being pissed in union and at the time the injury takes tained to the head, neck or falling down the stairs etc. What is important is the way place, the healing process and back. in which we treat the injury. the time in which the individ- etc.) ual can return to his sport will •Overuse injuries Most minor injuries tend to if left sort themselves out to a be almost halved. Sports injuries can occur as a certain degree, at least that's The basic guidelines to fol- result of physical activities what we feel! Muscle strains low are :- carried out either in a recrea- joint sprains and less trau- tional capacity or in a more matic blows to the body can ail •Whether you sprain a joint, professional environment. leave there mark and can cause strain a muscle or get a knock They may be caused by acci- a whole sériés of imbalances always apply ice within the dent or by overuse, and they within the body. first 10 - 20 minutes, and try to do not necessarily differ from compress the area. injuries sustained in non For more serious injuries the •The part of the body that has sporting activities. lasting effects may be greater, been injured should be ele- As we can sec from the list and the longer they are left vated during initial icing pe- above, many common causes without correct treatment the 16 Sport Raise both your social standing and attractiveness to the opposite sex! Didn't we have Yes, you could be that suave, debonair raconteur you've always dreamed of being, or the foxiest chick in town, with the pick of Guildford's eligible young bachelors. How? Easy! Just win the a lovely time! £5000 first prize on the Daily Telegraph's Inter-University that the Surrey tackling was he 1996 season of patchy and disappointing, al- Fantasy Football League and buy more inends! Rugby began at thou^ the iull back Steve en- Also up for grabs are five all expenses trips to London to attend TSurrey with the sured that " none shall pass " the celebrity Fantasy Football Awards Dinner. Plus each 'Man- return of the first fifteen philosophy as best he could ager of the month' will receive two tickets to the premiership playing Merton last with two sixteen stone for- match of their choice. A fiirther £1000 will be awarded to both wards running at him. Ever the largest and smallest university with the most entries. To Saturday. However, the lion - heaited side of old enter, freephone 0800 181 222 for an application form. All some of the team Surrey persevered although applications must be received by the Daily Telegraph by 25 appeared to be suffering by this point the blazing ( and October 1996. Me? I prefer to fantasise about other things, such from the first whistìe and believe me it was ) September as captaining a Scottish Grand Slam side, or even being Wil- sun had claimed a few unfit liam Wallace (but not being hung drawn and quartered.) (well, the previous F.N.O. was victims not that this deterred forget the bit about not being hung). certainly to blame. With second row Rob Haggart ten minutes of the first from making a sizzling 40 half gone Surrey found yard run catching the Merton themselves three points defence off guard and earning down after giving away a the team some valuable rest BUSA and The Daily school boy error penalty. from the opposition's sus- Yet, the team ( especially tained pressure. Telegraph the pack ) began to start Surrey continued to battle TTie Daily Telegraph has just announced that it will be renewing playing and Lee Caller's away at their uphill task al- it's sponsorship of the British Universities Sports Association though sadly their only re- (BUSA). BUSA was launched two years ago to amalgamate try mid way through the ward was that of good the separate Polytechnics and University's sporting associa- first half was a fine round sportsmanship. The post tions, and it organises and co-ordinates all inter-univereity off to some fluent match commiseration was sports activities tlôughout the UK. With a membership of over forward and back play. fhiitful as ever although the 140 universities, BUSA covers 43 sports and has an average of next day saw many aching 2,500 university teams and 40,0(K) sportsmen and women Merton ran in a try just shoulders and backs ( not to competing each Wednesday during term time. before the end of the half mention broken wrists! ) . so all was pretty even at The season is underway and Did you read that, LIS department? If not, and just because I'm the break with Surrey the only way to go is up ! ! It all academic and doing a degree and clever stuff like that, I'll was a sunny day with some put it in other words. Or maybe I should just subtract from those trailing by just three foggy but also some clear 40,000 sportspeople all students who play sport and do a points. patches, but all in all didn't languages degree at Surrey, and therefore have to attend lec- ê second half however, we have a lovely time ! ! tures on a Wednesday aftemoon. I wonder how the Daily saw a change in Surrey's Telegraph will take to the undermining of their sponsorship of play. Merton began to tê The Boy Davis. student sport? We have to send this issue of Bare Facts to the the game to Surrey and found Telegraph as I've raped and pillaged one of their press releases for the facts and figures above. Watch this space... STEVE CAS80N 18 PROUD TO PRESENT THE AEROBICS EVENT OF THE YEAR Charity Aerobics In mmt\ Aid Of "scope" A Cbarlty evctit la ald of 'SCOPE' (formerisr the 8pa«tilci Sodctjr) to help Steve Casson, together with Campusport, has organised a char- chUdren wltfa Ccrebral palsy ity aerobics event in aid of "SCOPE", the charity that helps children with Cerebral Palsy. One in every 400 babies in Britain TOP AEROBICS TEACHERS is bom with cerebral palsy. It can happen to any child. "SCOPE" inchiding is the largest charity in the UK working with disabled people, NADINE NAMOR their families and carers. CAROL HATTON Steve has arranged for the top trainers and instructors to come MARKARNALL along and make this a great event with the emphasis on FUN. and Special Guest Appearance by The event will take place at the Campusport Centre on Saturday OMAR NAMOR 21st September, starting at 11.00 a.m. sharp for about an hour. )M[U]RÌD}« tlstl S(EIPTEÌM!!BE[F Come along and have some fun and support a great cause. Q m® (S^M]IPyS[P©[RT The Cost - a mere £5 - all of which goes to "SCOPE" BUT É)(3(g)ò(n)iniàirì)g) 3)ß1]1ia(0)(0) siinni STUDENTS CAN TAKE PART FOR £2.00 (minimum dona- üon) PROVIDING THEY SHOW THEIR STUDENT CARD. You cannot affonj to jniss this event! The Cost • a mere £5.00 (all of which goes to SCOPE You cannot afford to miss this event!! However. STUDENTS are requested to pay a minimum £2.00 donation with their Card.