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THE GIFT OF GAB Q&A with Speaker Hall of Famer Stephen Shapiro

By Debra Heller

n July 21, 2015, Stephen Sha- piro was inducted into the Speaker Hall of Fame. That evening he also received the National Speakers Associa- tion’s Council of Peers Award of Excellence (CPAE) in front of 1,500 people at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel in Washington, DC, an award that Owas established in 1977 to honor those speakers who have reached the top echelon of excellence. More recently, Stephen Shapiro addressed the Winning Edge 2018 Conference, which took place on Monday, June 18, at Montclair State University. The conference was produced by Yitzchok Saftlas, president of the Bottom Line Marketing Group, and presented by Saul Friedman and Company. I spoke to Mr. Shapiro following that event.

82 AMI MAGAZINE // JULY 11, 2018 // 28 TAMUZ 5778 28 TAMUZ 5778 // JULY 11, 2018 // AMI MAGAZINE 83 Stephen Shapiro

Everyone knows about sports halls of fame and music halls of fame, but I wasn’t aware that there was a speakers’ hall of fame. Many people aren’t. There’s an organization called the National Speakers Association, which is the primary group for professional speak- ers. Each year they induct five people into its hall of fame, so over the past 40-plus years, 237 people have been inducted into it.

Was your induction also based on your success in influencing people, or was it strictly because of your speaking skills? Being selected has to do with how influential you are in terms of the impact you’re making. It isn’t about how much you charge for speeches, Stephen Shapiro speaking at the Winning Edge 2018 Conference it’s about the quality of your speaking and if you really represent the indus- art of speech for business purposes. I would imagine that if your message try. It’s a lot like the Academy Awards. It’s also used for individual motivation. isn’t well received by the audience, They don’t necessarily go to the most prof- If you look at how the Association was you’re in very scary territory. itable films, they go to the ones that they originally founded, a lot of people were Yes, and I’ve been there. It’s not so much feel touched and inspired people the most. ministers and preachers who decided to that they didn’t like what I was saying, but branch out to groups outside of their reli- when I look at an audience I start to make It’s very nice to be honored like that. gious organizations. That’s actually how assumptions based on body language. If Does it come with a monetary award the profession began. I’m saying something I think is funny and as well, or do they just mention your people don’t laugh, I’m thinking, Oh, no! name? In business, it’s usually the doers I’ve lost them! One of the things I’ve dis- They gave me a nice little trophy and and not the talkers who are success- covered, and this was really fascinating that’s about it. There’s no monetary recog- ful. But I guess there are people like to me, is that some of my most impact- nition, but it’s a nice way to stand out from Donald Trump who use the gift of gab ful speeches were ones where I didn’t feel other people. to make money. Any successful person has to be a great Are the inductees only those who communicator. The difference for us is speak on business topics? that we’re looking for people who can IT’S REALLY No. It’s for anyone who uses the get on a stage. Okay, it’s not always an spoken word for a living. Some induct- actual stage, but 99% of those in the Hall ABOUT THE ees have been humorists or comedians. of Fame are people who can get up and RESULT MORE Others have been in the health industry; speak on a topic for 45 minutes to one it covers a wide range of topics. I have a hour. It’s one thing to have a conversa- THAN IT IS friend who’s in the Hall of Fame and he’s tion with someone, it’s another thing to a cultural anthropologist. His big thing is speak to a camera, and it’s an entirely dif- ABOUT THEM climbing mountains. ferent animal to tell a compelling story for LOVING ME AS 45 minutes that gives people insight and It’s really fascinating that you use the motivates them at the same time. A SPEAKER.

84 AMI MAGAZINE // JULY 11, 2018 // 28 TAMUZ 5778 בס״ד

WHERE THE SEA IS SPLIT & SHIDDUCHIM COME TRUE!

that the audience was eye. It’s different from a Broadway show, AMUKA engaged. The reason where there can be couple of thousand why it seemed that way people and I can’t even see them because is that they were think- the lights are so bright. ing and processing on a very deep level, or else Do you not prefer not being able to they were in an industry see their reactions and just go with that doesn’t emote, such the flow? as engineers. Engineers Well, I can still hear them, so there’s aren’t exactly the most always going to be some level of engage- emotive people. It’s really ment even if I can’t see them. What I like about the result more about the big audiences is the energy. If than it is about them you think about the way laughter works, if loving me as a speaker. you have a small group of people and only a few are laughing, it doesn’t trickle across. How do you tell the But if you have a big audience, odds are difference between that even if only a few people are laughing, falling flat and an all of a sudden a lot of people are going to Holy Day:

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F F O A M S R’ Yonasan I L M I don’t think that a tempting, but if your audience doesn’t Y A E M B’av R E D M D Ben Uziel B Special E AN R H speaker can necessar- laugh you’re dead. OR Offer UC F D RIE HID ND A EIR S Holy People: ily tell for sure what’s It is sometimes risky, but I don’t tell ND MAKE TH The Tehillim going on. But the key is jokes. I’m not a humorist and I’m not the preparation you do before the speech. trying to be funny, but some of the stories Whenever I get up to give a speech, it’s not I tell are genuinely amusing. There’s one as if I’m giving it for the first time. I might story I tell that when it gets to the punch be giving this version for the first time, but line, I ask the audience for the answer. Makom Kevuah: a lot of it is built on content I’ve previ- Here’s an example. At a certain airport Every day, devout ously delivered, which I then customize they realized that it was taking too long Tehillim Kollel for specific audiences. It also helps if you for the baggage to get from the planes to messengers daven on can tune out the reaction of the audience. the baggage carousel. They spent a lot of behalf of Klal Yisroel If the audience is positive, that’s great and money trying to speed up the process, and Sacred Location: you can build off the energy. But if they they got it down from 20 minutes to eight Renowned for its don’t seem enthusiastic, you can’t let them to ten minutes, which was a really great powerful ability to drag you down. It’s easier said than done, improvement, but the passengers were still bring about Shidduchim but I always remind myself that what I’m upset because they felt they were waiting Special Time: talking about is valuable and it’s going to too long. Then they had an epiphany. They Tu B’av is an auspicious make an impact, regardless of how they’re realized that while it took the bags eight to day for Shidduchim, a responding. ten minutes to get from the plane to the time for joyous renewal carousel, it was taking the passengers only and celebration What size is your ideal audience? one to three minutes to get there. The way While there is such a thing as too small, I tell it is, “Instead of speeding up the bags, there’s no such thing as too big. Person- what do you think they did?” At that point ally, I like 50 to 100 people. Of course, everyone always shouts out, “They slowed when you get all the way to 1,000 people down the passengers!” and they burst out you have to give them a different experi- laughing. It’s not really funny in the con- ence. An audience of 100 is actually quite ventional sense, but because the audience intimate, so I need to be out there con- knows the punch line before I say it, it Split the sea necting with them and looking them in the makes it amusing. I used to actually tell FOR A FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND AND MAKE THEIR SHIDDUCH AND DREAMS OF THE FUTURE COME TRUE! 718.705.7174 WWW.TEHILLIMKOLLEL.ORG | [email protected] Stephen Shapiro

them the punch line but never got as good a reaction. The point is that you can make a very subtle change to the way you tell a story that can elicit a profound visceral reaction from the audience.

We’re talking about the art of public speaking, but that’s not what you speak about. You speak about inno- vation. So we’re talking about something that isn’t really your field, or is it? It is, because most of my business is giving speeches, so I have to understand the industry. I’m on the board of directors of the National Speakers Association, so I’m always thinking about what it takes to be a better speaker and how to have a better speaking business. So while it’s not a topic I speak about, I spend a lot of time thinking about it in terms of my own pro- fessional development, because I need to be a better salesperson who sells speeches.

Can anyone be a good speaker? There are those who insist that some people are born to speak and others aren’t, but I don’t believe that. I believe that Does your audience ever notice your anyone can speak publicly. I’ve seen trans- THERE ARE THOSE tension? formations in people who were just okay WHO INSIST THAT People are really great at picking up speakers and then became really good subtle cues and body language, so they speakers, and people who were terrible at ONLY SOME ARE probably do. But I don’t want them to be it became good enough. The problem is aware that I’m giving a speech; the whole that people give up too quickly. It’s a tough BORN TO SPEAK, point is for them to think I’m having a con- industry, and in some cases it can take five BUT I DON’T versation with them in their living room. to ten years to launch a successful career, That’s why I always try to find a couple but the person gave up in year three. We BELIEVE THAT. of people in the audience who seem to be see this all the time with politicians and really enjoying themselves, and I’ll make athletes. a lot of eye contact and address my words I sometimes need to do some exercise to to them. That helps, because now I’m not Almost everyone occasionally speaks get rid of the excess energy. I don’t think performing, I’m having a conversation in public, whether it’s at a family that ever goes away, but it’s about getting with one or two people. event or a business meeting. How do past that and saying, “I’m nervous, but you get someone to get over his stage I’m going to use that energy when I get on I recently heard a comedian with a fright, especially if he’s had a bad the stage to maximize my performance.” very shrill voice, yet he was still able experience? When I’m not nervous enough, which to deliver his punch lines very well. I get nervous before every single speech, happens from time to time for whatever My point is that you don’t have to and I’ve given over 1,000 of them. I don’t reason, I’m actually a little too laid back, have a pleasant voice in order to be a know if I would call it stage fright, but if and those aren’t my better speeches. The good speaker. it’s a bigger audience, you’ll find me pacing adrenaline rush seems to enhance my I’ve listened to zillions of speeches backstage. I can feel my heart racing, and style. over the years, and my favorite speaker

86 AMI MAGAZINE // JULY 11, 2018 // 28 TAMUZ 5778 HEADLINES

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I once watched the speech, I went to their local branch, abbi Moshe Navon ⋅ Rabb hudah S pit i Eichenstein ⋅ R hen ⋅ R abbi Ye ⋅ Rabb how he kept an audi- got a membership and started connecting Rab bi Dovid Co bi Yehudah Dovid Bleich eibel ⋅ Neuberger ⋅ aim Dovid Zw csh ⋅ Rabbi Sruly Barkin ⋅ Rab Rabbi Ch ⋅ ence of 5,000 people on with people. So when I later told the storyhimon Deut Leadinghum ERabbonimisenstein ⋅ man S ⋅ Rabbi Noc ein ⋅ R abbi Yaakov Feit i Yosef Fleishman zchok Adlerst erg ⋅ Rabb the edge of their seats. of my experience, it was very emotional ler ⋅ R abbi Yit bbi Isser Weissb bbi Aron Kot andron Experts Lankry ⋅ Ra itz ⋅ Ra er ⋅ Rabbi A Rabbi Reuvain Mendolow Some speakers are very for them because it spoke to the thingsi Jason Wein Leibowitz ⋅ rons ⋅ Ra bbi Rabb Rabbi Aryeh abbi Shmuel I in ⋅ R feld ⋅ Rabbi dynamic. Others are they truly value about their business. 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Can you sumOrtn er ⋅ Rabbi Z bbi Zvi Go Yosef Greenwald he Elephant ⋅ Ra ⋅ Rabbi and want to be like that up what your basic message is theseRabbi Mos Rabbi Chaim Wegh bi Yehoshuah Berman ovid Grossman ⋅ err ⋅ Rab nman ⋅ Rabbi D er ⋅ Rabbi Shlomo P n Yitzchok Eise person rather than trying days? erg uer ⋅ Rabbi Ro o Ahron Rabbi Moshe Weinb iParents Moshe Ha who Lopian ⋅ Rabb to figure out how they I talk about how to help companies i Weiss ⋅ Rabb abbi Ahron bi ⋅ Rabbi Zv reenstein ⋅ R Blumenthal ⋅ Rab Sholom G Yisroel Chaim ⋅ Rabbi can be the best version of grow, increase their market share Randabbi Yaakov aren'tn ⋅ Rabreligiousbi chas Juravel bbi YY Jacobso Rabbi Pin Rav Sorsher ⋅ Ra n Twerski ⋅ ch shmerling ⋅ themselves. When I tried improve their profitability by thinking an ⋅ Rabbi Aaro ⋅ Rabbi pesa Moshe Heinenm i Dovid Sapirman R abbi Jonah Rabb i Dovid Stav ⋅ Rabbi to replicate other people’s differently. 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As a kid, I played Weitthe zman ⋅ f Gavriel Danczin bi Yose ⋅ Rabbo Yochanan bbi How do you talk about topics that saxophone, so I was always on stage andYochan an Bechoffer ⋅ Rab i Akiva Marks ev Shwartz ⋅ Ra lebenow ⋅ Rabb ⋅ Rabbi Z yomin Rabbi Tzvi K y Berman ⋅ Rabbi Bin aren’t what most people would con- loved how it felt. Some people think you ross ⋅ Ra bbi Robb man Rabbi Karmi G aim ⋅ Rabbi S Dick endy Orentein ⋅ sider all that compelling? have to be a real extrovert to be a speaker DaListenvid Bar Ch Anytime!Babad ⋅ Rabbi S CURRENT & PAST SHOWS To me, it’s all about the storytelling. but I’m actually an introvert, and speaking 02.3720304 03.0117.0250 732.806.8700 Download app: Headlines Radio Show available on IOS and Google Play podcast.headlinesbook.com headlinestorah.com itunes.apple.com/us/podcast headlines/id1048703487 Stephen Shapiro

is a really introverted endeavor—espe- cially before a larger audience. I’m up on stage and everyone else is out there so there’s a separation; I’m alone. I find it more difficult when there are only a couple of dozen people, because now I’m in a group. It moves from being a solo activity to a joint activity, which I find much more difficult.

You’re an introvert who feels more comfortable standing in front of a big crowd. So people who consider them- selves introverts shouldn’t shy away from speaking. Anyone can be a great speaker. I don’t think that being shy is the determining factor. It’s really about whether you’re willing to do the work. What people who are introverted need to be prepared for is hecklers; I wouldn’t do well with them. But I do love audience interaction. It’s risky because I don’t know what some- one is going to say and I have to respond ticular industry; they tend to be bigger few different things, but I realized that you appropriately. companies only because they’re the ones can’t be the best at everything. You have to that have the money. But I’ll work with figure out what it is you’re going to be best The jokes the comedian I was listen- anyone who wants to make substantial at, and do only that. So I’m now an inno- ing to fell flat, but he had a bunch of changes to his organization. vation guy, and if you want me to speak prepared lines to excuse the lack of about something else I can’t. laughter. I would imagine that every What’s your relationship with speaker needs to be on his toes and Yitzchak Saftlas? Can you keep it fresh every time? prepare for getting out of uncomfort- We met each other in Dallas around six Sure. The content evolves slowly. My able moments. months ago at one of these conferences, speeches aren’t canned and scripted out; Johnny Carson was brilliant at that; he and we hit it off instantly. You meet a they’re more like puzzle pieces. When I had so many great lines that kept the audi- bunch of people, 90 percent of whom you talk to the client before the event, I’ll give ence going. And you’re right; you have to never speak to again, but then there are him a few different options based on the have enough material in your repertoire to those few whom you realize are special. I type of challenges he’s facing. If he’s strug- be able to deal with the unexpected. That remember that we were sitting in the lobby gling with how to stand out in a crowded to me is the difference between an actor of the hotel and Shep Hyken introduced market, I’ll speak about differentiation and and a speaker. A good speaker is as much us, which set the tone for everything. how to use that to drive innovation. Each an improviser as a speaker. He’s a wonderful person, and I’ve really speech has different building blocks, but enjoyed getting to know him better. the general content is the same. I always I understand that you have a nice try to add a few examples from that partic- roster of clients, big companies that You spoke at his conference. ular industry to show I’m paying attention. ask you to speak to their employees. Right. I was the closing speaker. Sure. I worked with Marriott for four Most corporations probably give you years, doing ten events a year with some I assume that the message you gave the freedom to do as you think best. of their top executives. I also worked with was about innovation. Usually. There was one client I did an Microsoft, 3M, Proctor & Gamble, Dell Yes. The only thing I speak about is inno- event for a few months ago. They’re based and Nestlé. I’m not limited to any par- vation. Earlier in my career I spoke about a in Europe, so the person in charge of

88 AMI MAGAZINE // JULY 11, 2018 // 28 TAMUZ 5778 global HR who was running the event flew nately, we often look in the wrong place all the way from Europe to Orlando, and for solutions. Instead of speeding up the we spent a couple of hours in my dining bags, they slowed down the passengers— room discussing the details. It was my first that’s a different box. They could have also experience with a company like that, but changed the wait time experience so it they explained that when there weren’t so wouldn’t seem so boring. However, if they hands-on in the past, things hadn’t gone would have asked, “How do we improve so well. However, for most clients hiring the airport?” they would’ve ended up with me to speak about innovation, it’s like thousands of useless ideas. hiring a band. You don’t tell a band which songs to play, you assume they’re going to Would “framing the question differ- play their greatest hits and it’s going to be ently” be the right terminology? their best stuff. That’s exactly what I talk about.

What is your standard fee? What would your message be to My standard fee is $18,000, but it varies. would-be speakers? There are times when I do it for less, and The main message would be not to if I have to travel to Europe or to Asia I’ll focus on being a speaker, focus on being charge more. That’s the starting point, but an expert. Choose what your message is then we go up or down depending on a and then become exceptionally good at number of factors. the content and its delivery. Once you start doing that, you’ll get bookings, but you That’s very good to know, because can’t start getting bookings just because maybe it will inspire some people to you want to be on stage. The message become speakers. has to be well-crafted and valuable in the Absolutely. I didn’t start making the minds of the buyers. kind of money I’m making now. As the saying goes, “A cynic knows the cost of I know that you’re an author as well. everything and the value of nothing.” I I’ve written five books. The last one was discovered this when I started speaking, called Best Practices Are Stupid. It’s about and someone didn’t hire me because I was how when we replicate what others are only charging $3,000. “When we heard doing we aren’t innovating. We have to that,” he later explained, “we knew that move beyond copying other people’s work you weren’t that good.” It had nothing to find better solutions. to do with me as a speaker but every- thing to do with the fee. The fee drives You’ve been able to write five books the perception of how good the product on the one topic of innovation. That’s is. Sometimes charging too little, which fantastic. sounds like a great negotiating strategy, One of them is more about an inno- can actually hurt you. vative lifestyle, so it’s a slightly different twist. I am now working on my sixth What is your basic advice for people book. I just came up with the title last in business? night with a friend over dinner. What My belief is that you shouldn’t think I love about innovation is that it can be outside the box; instead, you should applied to almost anything. It’s not as if I find a better box. The issue we have as talk about toaster repair, which is a very human beings is that the more we expand limited topic. Innovation is so broad that I the question, the more the mind strug- can go in a number of different directions. gles to find a solution. The brain loves This was a fun interview. It wasn’t my constraints, so the box is useful. Unfortu- typical interview and I really enjoyed it. l