THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF FANTASY FOOTBALL

1. Thou shalt pay attention to bye weeks for thine players. THE LOS ANGELES XTREME RULE: You can't win a game if your star players are sitting at home because their team isn't playing that week. Keep an eye on the bye weeks for your players, and make sure you have someone backing them up during that week. This is called the LA Xtreme rule because, like the only champions of the XFL, they aren't playing next week. 2. Thou shalt not weep and gnash thine teeth shouldst thy star player goeth down to injury early in thy season. THE MICHAEL VICK RULE: If your star player is injured in the first four weeks of the season, there are usually plenty of undrafted selections that you can use to replace them with. This is named the Vick rule because of his frequent injuries in the pre-season, especially back in 2003; in years past this was known as the Testaverde rule. 3. Thou shalt be mindful of the weather thy players playeth in, verily - especially thine kicker. THE ADAM VINATIERI RULE: Don't expect a kicker to do well if he's kicking in New England in the middle of December. Also, don't expect a lot of passing yardage in a game played at Lambeau in a snowstorm. This is the Vinatieri rule because of Adam's penchant for hitting kicks - indoors. 4. Thou shalt pay attention to thy league's waiver wire to fixeth thine problem positions. THE KURT WARNER RULE: Sometimes the guy you don't draft is the one who ends up leading your team to the championship. This is the Warner rule because of Kurt's success with the Rams in 1999. 5. Thou shalt mind thy players' opponents, and thine opponent's players' opponents. THE /CLEVELAND BROWNS RULE: If a star player is facing a team that he has owned in the past, by all means start him. And, if your defense is going up against a team that is basically inept on defense, start them as well. This is especially important for your matchups on the week. This is named the Lewis rule for his record-breaking performance against the Cincinnati Bengals in 2003 – in both games that the Ravens faced them. 6. Thy first draft choice may verily maketh or breaketh thy season. THE /PRIEST HOLMES/AARON RODGERS RULE: Your first pick is your most important pick, and most likely your best player. Do NOT waste it on anything other than a QB or a RB. This is has been, traditionally, the "Marshall Plan" rule, but Mr. Holmes and Mr .Rodgers have gotten co-billing because of their superiority as a fantasy stud. 7. Thou shalt mind thy players' teammates and take measure of their strengths and weaknesses, forsooth. THE JIMMY SMITH RULE: If your WR's starting QB is hurt, or if your RB's offensive line is starting to gather injuries, you might want to reconsider starting him. This is the Smith rule because of the on-and-off nature of his former teammates, Keenan McCardell and Mark Brunell. Yes, I got burned by this too many times to count. 8. Thou shalt NOT allow thyself to get "Favred." THE RULE: Don't let yourself get caught benching a star player after a sub-par performance one week, only to see him come back and have the game of his life the next week. Care to guess why this rule is so named? 9. Thou shalt payeth attention to thine players injury reports, and start or bench them forthwith. THE FRED TAYLOR RULE: If your player is listed as "Questionable" before a game, you really might want to reconsider starting him - especially if he's in one of your "money" positions (QB, RB, WR). Mr. Taylor was notorious for getting injured one week, and the Jaguars not revealing until (essentially) game time if they he was going to be scratched. 10. Verily, thy players who playeth for playoff-bound teams art the kiss of death for thee in thine league's playoffs. THE RULE: If you have managed to get to the playoffs, beware of teams that have nothing to play for in weeks 15 and 16. No-names may get the ball more often than your star player. This happened a few too many times in the author's experience, including a year where he finally got to the league championship and ended up with three key players "sitting" because they were saving it for the playoffs.