NEXT WEEK: the REAL 900TH EDITION Editors Bit

The Issue University of No. 900 Surrey Studente' Paper 14th February 1997 Hodswallop! England 0 Italy 1 not only expected last night, but for qualification to France '98, a t was a full house in the must. But there you go. That's Union last night. At one football. It can bite you on the arse Ipoint, the tumstiles were so like that crammed it was 'one in one out'. In Pizza Plus it was just like 2 am It may be a game of 90 minutes, but some sloppy covering by an on a Friday night, no-one being out of position Sol Campbell and superstitious and enjoying Italian bad goalkeeping by controversial cuisine before the game. The fans 2nd choice goalkeeper lan were coming out the woodwork Walker meant this match was, to see Hoddle's Heroes, but little much to the Chagrin and vexa- did they réalisé the load of old tion of England, over in the 18th Bolognese they were going to minute. see. But it's a mans game Barry, and England will surely bounce back The air was electric with expec- from this. One defeat does not tation. You could, for all but a make a good team a bad one, but few die-hard and very proud at one point last night you could groin gripping Italians, taste the almost here the commentator IMI Wsiker walks d^ected U Gianfranco Zola England victory that was bound is mobbed after scoring açainst England saying " they think it's ali Zola, it to come. England had never lost is ciao! at home in a World cup qualifier. Victory was their right. Well that Cinga record went the same way Man- Sports Editor chester Uniteds record of never England expected, it seems, having lost at home in the Euro- rather too much. After Euro '96 pean cup. and three strait wins victory was NEXT WEEK: THE REAL 900TH EDITION Editors Bit

The Valentine CONTENTS Dilemma ell, here it is don't fancy you, there again, St are two ways most men 3 RAG WE£K REVIEW WValentines handle it. They go red 3 GOVERNMENT aiD TO FREEZE NUMBERS every time they meet you Day. Probably the most IN H.E. happy and yet the most but pretend that they depressing day of the don't know who you are 4 CAREERS year. or, alternatively, mey tell all their mates who take the piss for the rest of the FEATURES If you have got a girlfriend or semester about the "I boyfriend then, for once, love your wobble bum" 5 MODESTY IS A VIRTUE? you've got it easy. You buy or whatever else you 7 JOCASTA INTERVIEW them a smoochy card, get wrote in the card. them a 'little something spe- 16 SURREY STUDENT TO RUN THE LONDON cial' and everything is great. If you make the card to- That is, as long as they re- MARATHON member to buy you some- tally anonymous, cut out thing. It is the most important words from magazines date to put in yoiu" diary other for the writing, get your REGULARS than their birthday and their mate in Aberdeen to mum's birthday but protect post it to your Valentine 3 MUSIC REVIEWS your genitalia and run for and even go as far as cover if you forget! 'helping' your Valen- ri CINEMA HEWS For those single de- tine find out who his 12 VALENTINES PERSONALS pressed people who mystery admirer is. didn't get any cards, The trouble with this is, Valentines Day is shite what's the point? Yeah, and many believe that it I know the cards are sup- has only been invented posed to be anonymous for people who are in and it is a real ego boost love and happy so they to get a card when you can gloat at all the sad haven't a clue who it is University of Surrey Students' Paper lonely people who were from. But what if that depressed enough be- )erson is your one true Union House, University of Surrey, fore 14th February! ove, your perfect part- Guildford, Surrey. GU2 5XH If, like me, you are sin- ner who you are never gle you have a much going to hit it off with Telephone: 01483 259275 bigger problem than because the only contact Fax: 01483 34749 worrying about receiv- you've ever had is one Advertising: 01483 259275 anonymous Valentine E-mail: [email protected] ing cards and that is who iittp://www.surrey.ac.uk/Unlon/barefacts/ to send to. I always send Card. Destiny has never been so tragic. Editor - Melanle Dean a couple to fnends as a Features Editor - Tania Rocks sign of affection rather So what's the answer? Music Editor - Rob VWnder than love but what about Hey, if I knew that I'd be Sports Editor • Mark 'Gir^ga* Cusack the serious ones? How Mrs George Clooney by Tectinlcol Editor - Jeff Blacktiam anonymous should you now. Piiotograptier - Matt Ponrieil make them? Cartoonist - Stuart Parker Mel XXX Editorial Contributions: Andy Gale, Bajce Ctiapman, If you send a card and Matt Panneii, Samantha Birmingiiam, Liz M and ottiers.., make it blatantly obvi- Music Reviews: Numnuts, VicW Snelgrove, James Hemingway. ous who it is from and Paul Amani, Al Mooney, Mario Dias, Mark DeLartge, Lee Bumian, the person concerned Mario Cofneso and Qiver Ctiomero feels the same way then Bare Facts is an independent newspaper, published by (he University of Surrey Students' Union Ommunications Ofllce. you are quids in, it was The views expressed within the paper are those of the Editor, the £1.50 well spent. If, on Editorial board and the author, and do not necessarily represent the views of the University of Surrey StudenB' Union or The the other hand, they University of Surr^. ©USSU Cominunlccftions Office 1997 Union News Rag Week - Beer Drinking Competition This event was brilliantly at- •Fastest 2 pinter Wibbly Wob- I've never seen people pay out member the beer going down tended and we had some awe- bly was Mark with 31.03 sec- money so fast! ! ! ! at an alarmingly fast rate. The onds to do the same as above 5 pints were finished at an some results. •Most Disgusting Pint was but drinking both pints at the astonishing 14.90 seconds!!!! •First Person to chunder was won by the Beer Monster of same time!! Rob Haggett. Not content That is less than 3 seconds per Rob Sheffield after winning pint!!! the Mucky Pint. This was a •Fastest pint of Stout was Rob with the fastest pint, fastest 2 contest between the Rugby Haggett again at only 3.22 sec- pints, fastest pint of stout, and This was an event never to be Best Man and the Football onds. being part of the fastest Boat forgotten, and I personally Best Man. These pints had Race Team, Rob goes for wish to thank Dickon for being over £20 worth of spirits in •Most Dangerous Pint had two more. Only after Rob had an excellent compere. Steve them and unfortunately, we contestants, Crew, and the downed the pint was it re- for marking down the times, don't have a time for this. Mountaineermg Club. Crew vealed what was in it. Piss, and chatting up Debs from the having a beer one storey hi^ Puke, Pubic Hair, and Man stage. Jes, Mike, and Steve, •Fastest Blokes Pint was Rob on ropes attached to the ceil- Goo! I ! Apparently Jason took for helping make the Beer Haggett at an amazing 2.60 ing, and Mountaineering club half an hour to come into a Shower. Kirsty, Claire, and seconds. downed a pint on a 5-3-1. hu- glass because he was so pis- Mike, for handling the beer. man pyramid. Mountaineer- -Fastest Birds Pint was Cazza sed!!! The RAG members for timing ing Club took the accolade. and clearing up, especially nt another amazing 5.96 sec- •Last but not least the most onds. •Most Erotic Pint was done by Wendy, who helped get rid of awesome show ever was the the sick bms!!! And finally Wes, Louise, Paul, Liz, ???, BEER SHOWER. For those of •Fastest 2 pints was Rob Hag- and of course Steve DeWint. everyone who took part and all gett with 6.53 seconds. you who missed the night, this the people who came down to Wes, put beer into his mouth, was a machine that could carry •Fastest Boat Race was the dribbled it through Louise's watch, it is something that 5 pints, and through gravity you will tell your kids!! Blokes Rugby with 33.55 sec- cleavage. Paul, catching it un- shove it all down someone's onds to down 8 pints one after derneath, then snogged it gullet. The only contender across to Liz, who dribbled it In the end we took nearly £3 00 another. Siroughout the night was Mark from the beer sales and collec- down ???'s genitaha, finally with just under 20 seconds to •Fastest Wibbly Wobbly was being caught into another pint tions. Yet another storming Andy McKee taking only totally swallow 5 pints. But night. glass! The resulting half pint then as a last contender a bloke 16.95 seconds to spin roxmd was then downed by none the broom handle 10 times, whose name was Hugh Grant other than Steve DeWint, only took the challenge. Those then run to his beer and down after collecting £40 for RAG. it. who were there should re- Student Fury At Government Bid To Freeze Numbers In Higher Education tudents across the with the Government NUS's submission to the they have now been told that unwilling to fund their Dearing Committee of Inquiry the Government feels no com- country are into Higher Education called mitment or sense of obligation Sshocked following time at college. on the Government to fund the towards educating them. Stu- revelations that the expansion of education ade- dents have already accepted Government plans to halt For some time, NUS has been quately in partnership with the principle of funding their the expansion of higher joined with the other major business, a major beneficiary maintenance while at college, education. The stakeholders in higher educa- of the skills a graduate work- and NUS believes that in part- tion m arguing that a highly force offers. NUS will be mak- nership with business this will Government' s qualified workforce is the best ing this vital point again to the go a long way to funding the submission to the chance that Britain has for a Dearing Committee when it expansion that must take place Dearing Committee of profitable and competitive fu- gives oral evidence on Febru- in higher education. Students Inquiry into Higher ture. NUS, the Còmmittee for ary 12th. from poorer backgrounds are Vice Chancellors and Princi- already grossly underrepre- Education outlines how ples, and the CBl are all united Douglas Trainer, NUS presi- sented in higher education, tens of thousands of in their belief that access into dent said: and with this news universities students will be higher education must be wid- "This is another blow for stu- are set to become even more prevented from taking up ened and funded properly. elitist. NUS is not about to dents and would-be students. stand by and let this happen." their piaces at university, Not only do they face the threat of fees of up to £1,000, News More Selection Centre Tips 3 Written Tests

It is easy to see why so many quired or whether an expiana- cise. You are asked to play the look at your watch and see recruiters want their appli- tion would suffice instèad. role of a personnel manager, how much time you have for cants to be good at writing. Avoid responding aggres- for example, who has re- a more detailed look at the Time and again a piece of sively, try instead to be both tumed from holiday to find a material. This could lead to work needs to be presented in polite and tactfiil. huge pile of papers waiting to some changes in your priori- a written form. Whether it's a be dealt with. You have to ties. The written summary of report, a letter, a mémo or an Another test involves analys- separate the urgent from the your re comm en dations is, article for publication, it is ing a mass of complicated non-urgent and the important once again, fairly brief, but important to express your written material before pre- from the unimportant. The should nevertheless be clear, thoughts lucidly and accu- senting a reasonable solution key to doing weJl in this test logicai and concise. You rately. to the problems which it con- is to skim ail of the papers must take care to leave tains. There aren't necessar- very quickly at first. It is enough time to write your Exercises designed to meas- ily any right or wrong tempting to try to read every- summary. The assessors ure writing skills vary consid- answers, the assessors are thing, including the cleverly won't be able to guess what erably. One test requires that simply interested in knowing placed 30 page report which you intended to write after you respond to a letter of whether you have understood would take up the whole of you'd found you'd run out of complaint from someone • it the issues and whether your the time allocated to the test if time! could be a colleague or a cus- proposais are well thought you fell into the trap of read- tomer for example. Although out. Whilst the written part of ing it! After your initial skim- Russ Clark the detailed circurastances this exercise can be minimal, ming, attempt an early Careers Service will vary in each case, there it is stili important to make prioritisation of papers. Some are some général guidelines sure that your recommenda- are obviously important - like PS If you would like to prac- which mi^t help you. Make tions are lucidly and logically the memo from the managing tise some of the tests which sure you convince the recipi- presented. director requesting a review are used at selection centres, ent that you have understood of safety procédures follow- why not book a place on the their problem. Consider One of the most popular tests ing the recent fíre. Take a workshop we are running on whether an apology is re- is known as the in-tray exer- Wednesday 19 February. General Election News Hemal Radia's Student The electoral roll will be pubiished on 16th February and wilï be available for studeats to Success Workshop check they are registered from Monday ack by popular interpreting exam February 17th. demand, Hemal questions. Students can check in the Couneil Offices at Radia is once His knowledge is demon- B strated by the straight A's he Millmead, The Public Library in North Street, again coming to Surrey at locai Post Offices, the help desk in the SU and University to present his received in his fináis. the Communications Office. nationally renowned This opportunity is taking Student Success place on Wednesday 19th ' Once the General Election is calied it wil! be too February between 1.30pm Workshop. Those people late to register. If you want to take part in a and 6.30pm in TB18. The cost who went last year (over General Election vote in May - check now that remains only £12 which will 70!) will know this event include all handouts and re- you are registered. was packed full of hints freshments. Also available at a mere £3 is an optional SSW and useful advice and this certifícate which is useftil for Sabbatical Election News year, the workshop has CV's. been updated and The élections are coming to a dose. The results improved. The content of To book your place, you wili be announced outside the Main Union at the workshop will shouid contact Rodney Bates, (hopefully) 4.40pra on Friday 14th February. I Room 15, 5th Floor, Senate include study skills House bringing your £12 would like to take this opportunity to thank ali techniques such as (cash or cheque) or phone the candidates, members of staff and ali the accelerated learning, ext.3177 as soon as possible. lovely students who are giving up their free time memory systems, This workshop is strongly to sit on the voting desk and who are helping at notetaking, exam recommended fbr ALL STU- the count. préparation, learning DENTS- Just ask those who went last year!! Best of luck to ali candidates. techniques and Tania Rocks Returning Officer Feature Modesty Is A Virtue? By LizM

his week I thought get here that said actress was aren't a perfect shape at least wall and the other wrapped rd try and write 6ñ, slim and beautiful) and the aren't halfway down your around his/her neck then mod- results were, well frankly, stomach and more impor- esty may not be the uppermost Tsome seasonally downright embarrassing. tantly, unless they themselves thought in your mind. relevant article all about Trick number one, only wear are standing up, they can only one item of clothing i.e. dréss see one section ofyou ata time I suppose at the end of the day Valentines Day and it's all down to our own per- hearts and cutesey (buttons and belts etc. kind of (i.e. breathe in when they're lost the moment). Trick looking at your ehest and sonal image of ourselves. Af- wutesey little gifts and number two, have a wide area stomach and breathe out and ter all, psychologists keep little love messages, but in which to do this (with one smile when they look at your telling us that we should leam then I decided that no leg in your trousers and the face - it works!). A very good to feel confident with our bod- matter how sentimental I other out you can trip and way to side-step round this is- ies and who we are and al- stumble and end up in a col- sue is to have a partner who though I agree in essence, l am, there is no way I lapsed heap agamstthe desk or has to wear contact lenses and can't help thinking that it could make you suffer bed). Trick number three, ensure that he removes them would all be a lot simpler if through that. Instead, make sure you are Walking on sometime before "bed-time". God (or whoever else did it!) a carpet or "secure" ground It can increase your confi- had made us. all identical. here is an article about Okay, so we wouldn't be al- modesty. You know, it's (having fmally gotten naked, dence no end! There is how- stumbling backwards into the ever a slight logistical lowed those moments of satis- that ftirmy little thing that bathroom only to slip on a problem here. Should you faction when we walk into a stops you from towel you get the drift!). wish to have sex elsewhere room only to see we are the wandering around in (i.e. other than sunk halfway slimmest/ prettiest/ fittest etc Personally, the worst words I into the mattress) you may etc but at least we would know front of your younger that our partner couldn't pos- brother or sister whilst can hear from a man is the fmd that modesty can ruin the request for me to stand naked whole moment. But granted, sibly take one look at us only you're in your in front of him. Give me if you're bent acrobatically to tìiink "my ex had bigger underwear. Or, more skimpy underwear and TU over a chair with one leg up the breasts than you"! Oh, it's an importantly, what stops have no problem, TU even tap unfair worîd hundreds (if not dance for them singing at the top of my voice, but make me thousands) of people stand there naked and I go to UNIVERSITY OF SURREY from being able to stand pieces. In the past I've had to naked in front of their resort to suddenly having partner(s). chronic stomach pains or really feeling the cold to get out CAREERS INFORMATION ofit. Butwhy? Whyshould FOR WEEK 6. SPRING SEMESTER Now, I know a lot of you wül so many people react exactly read this and think that it the same way when faced widi doesn't apply to you, but think this predicament. What Skills Training back - there must have been makes normally confident some occasion in the not so men and women suddenly HOW TO SUCCEED AT ASSESSMENT CENTRES distant past when fear over have to break into a sprint Wcdncsday 19 February, 2 - 4 pm in LT \ having somebody scrutinise from the bed to the lightswitch all those little bits you hate, whilst naked? I'mnot even go- Final seleclion procédures include group discussions and problem induced you to duck out of ing to attempt to delve deeply solving acliviiies. You can find out more a boni these and gel being completely naked in into the male side of this al- some practice. If interesled, please regisler with Careers by front of them. If you still dis- though it always surprises me Monday 17 Feb. agree, I'm sorry, I don't be- how many men deny being lieve you! modest only to be the first ones to wrap a towel around them- Have you ever seen those selves just to walk across the "love/sex scenes" in movies room. After all, it doesn't Présentations where the man undresses the make sense. When you're in woman (or vice versa) and bed having sex your partner MATRA MARCONI SPACE they ask them to stand (or even sees you in all your glory so Thursday 20 February walk) naked in front of them why should it be any différent a( 6 pm in Wates House and ^e actor/actress does this when you're out of bed? Well, with confidence and grace? This company will be taiking about career opportunities for from my perspective I'U teil Engineers Have you ever tried it? Hav- you. When laying down; your ing seen one movie and been bottom sinks into the mattress Refresliments will be available. particularly impressed with making it seem a little less no- Please sign up in Careers if you wish to attend. the way this person came ticeable, your breasts although across I thought Td try it (for- •CAREERS SERVICE Advertisement University of Surrey Annual Concert at Guildford Cathedral hy kind pennission of the Dean & Chapter

Magnificent music in the imposing setting of Guildford Cathedral

Saturday 15 February at 7.30 pm

University Symphony Orchestra and the combined choirs of the University and Roehampton Institute with Barnet Choral Society

Holst The Hymn of Jesus Elgar Sea Pictures Walton Belshazzar's Feast

Conductors Sebastian Fortes, Colin Durrant

Admission by programme £8, £5 (students) available at the door, or in advance from the Music Department: 01483 259317 Interview Jocasta

Jocasta, the melodie pop band named after the mythical figure are about to re-release their 'Go' single through Epic. I meet them at ene of a few college shows they play prior to the ralease at Surrey Institute in Famham. I chat with the bands singer/guitarist and songwriter Tim Arnold, while guitarist Jack Reynolds, drummer Adrian Meehan and bassist Andy Lewis soundcheck.

Why did you chose the ñame ally. I Jocasta for the band? moved there when A lot of people think that the I was mythical story [of Jocasta] is a eighteen, it sensationalist story about in- was quite cest, it's not. The reason I like an eye- the story is that idea that cer- opener, a tain things happen in your life crash that you can't control and are course in going to happen to you gr o w ing whether you like it or not and, up fairly by the same token, there are quickly af- things that will never happen ter leaving to you no matter how much school. you may try, it's not going to happen. That is where the al- You did a bum title, *No Coincidence', ten week comes from. tour last autumn, In a few words, how would supporting you describe Jocasta's mu- Honeycr sic? ack and Not fmished yet! To me, at the then Cedi, moment, it is a vehicle for my is_ it more songs, and we have a simple of the same this year? pian at the moment to record Are you generally happy with feeling is, that sense of and release three albums of Yes, there will be, we have got the way things are progress- achievement. sporadic dates around this sin- ing? fantastic pop songs. After that, In the near term? 1 think we would just iike to go gle release. I guess there will be prolonged touring for the I am the happiest I have been away and be daring enough to for years at the moment. This This year, a number one album try and redefine pop music rest of the year to go with the would be nice (laughs). No, next single and album. whole new year has been fan- again, because nobody has tastic. I have just written and just to let it happen, however it done it in a while and it's about How has 'Go ' been received demo recorded the whole next is meantto happen as things time. by press and radio? album, and l'm really pleased always do. And to hopefully carry on being played on the So when is the album out? Radio is fantastic, it has been with it. We did some really good shows in Europe and radio because it just means b-listed by Radio I, Virgin that we will have more people Aprii, at the moment, but you have playlisted it, as have ['Go'l is on the radio, you never know. 'Go' is coming couldn't ask for more really. waiting to receive the album GLR, and the press are starting when it does fmally come out. out next week, and we may be to tum around slowly now, re-releasing 'Change Me' af- What would you like to To find out who Jocasta fans just because it is on the radio. achieve with the band? are. ter that, because everybody at I have never worried about radio is asking for it, so it's press to be honest. Certainly For me, the main ambition is, A couple of hours later after like "well, if you're going to not the established inkies like by the time I am 30 not to be fìlming a TV interview in a play it then we will release it". the NME or Melody Maker. able to hold all of our musical locai pub, Jocasta play a great I am trying to incorporate one We don't have any fans what- Works in one hand in CD form. set of material from the forth- of my interests, that I have had soever in those papers. It's 1 write so much and I just hope coming album. The singles for a long time, into the next never bothered me because I that we get the oppòrtunity to 'Go', 'Change Me' and video as well, which is mime. know they are just people who release as much as I write. You 'Something To Sc^' are the It should be quite interesting, tum with the tide, there are know when you collect other best received, but my personal so I am looking forward to very few joumalists whose peoples records and you've favorite is 'Life In A Day'. that. opinion you can respect a lot got maybe eight or ten of them of the time, because they or something on the shelf, Jocasta are certainly shaping Where do you seek influence imagine if you are that person up to be stars this year, and for you musical ideas? change their mind in five minutes about what they like and from that particular band, and deservedly so. Lyrically on the album, love, don't like. you've got all that work on pain, though not necessarily in your shelf Imagine that feel- that order, and a lot of my ex- ing, I want to fìnd out what that periences of living in Soho re- Sinsile Reviews

SINGLE OF THE pretty average pop and will not make them stars. James. WEEK •••••• VAN MORRISON - The Healing Game SHAQUILLE O'NEAL (Exile) - Can't Stop The Reign ( T.W.Is.M) Slow, very blue, choir like but with some spiced up sax. The Shaq has finally gone for self, rest is more up beat, but still releasing this smgle on his excellent bluesy jazz with a own label (The World Is little folk slipped in. Defi- Mine). Utilising a sample nitely worth a second hsten, from Loose Ends' 'Can't even ifyou don't like this mu- Stop The Rain', Shaq flows sic genre. Brasilnutter. smoothly and shows much ••••••••• improvement in delivery. This is a catchy tune that should make some noise on &EN FOLDS FIVE - the airwaves. Dalitso. Battle Of Who Could Care Less (Epic) Major label debut for Ben BALLY SAGOO - Folds Five, with the money of Tum Bin Jiya Epic having lured them from Caroline. Still it doesn't seem (Higher Ground) to have suppressed their pi- This single reflects the vari- ano-led Elton John-meets- ous musical influences Bally Badfmger-pop. Rob. l^s had. It fuses streetsoul, reggae, jungle (the Grooverider mix), and tradi- tional Indian music. The re- SPOON-Soft sult is a potent blend of fimlgf Effects EP beats, mellow keyboards and (Matador) vibes. Even though I couldn't Track two is equally good, expect this song to blow up in understand what the song's A quantum leap beyond the 1992's duet with Michael the clubs. It's good to see this all about, I was still hooked. 96 amazing 'Telefono' debut, Stipe, 'Trout'. She'll never element of hip hop culture Dalitso 'Soft Effects' showcases five beat 'Buffalo Stance', but this back again. Dalitso. •••••• new originals that keep un- is a fme effort. James. touched their capability to elaborate jagged powerful GABRIELLE - Walk songs. Unfortunately none of FOUNTAINS OF On By (Go) them reach the height of the MICHELLE GAYLE- WAYNE - Radiation utterly shimmering 'Dis- Do You Know (RCA) Having shed the ludicrous member'-much too good to Vibe (EastWest) eye-patches and the dire be equaled... anyway, to Michelle has a superb voice The New York based 'Foun- songs ('Dreams' etc.), reach such a high level in and I give her props for trying tains of Wayne' are the latest Gabrielle has returned with a every song is something that to be diverse. However, this in a long line of bands from remarkably fine set of singles, only The Pixies were able to type of music does not com- the States trying to make it big particularly 'Forget About do. Asun. plement her style. Thank over here ^e^ right), their The World' and 'Give Me A goodness then, for the excel- current single is a clever ar- Little More Time'. This lent mixes which include a rangement of big guitar rifts though, an insignificant ver- Linslee remix, Ignorant's and catchy chorus lines. Not sion of the Dionne Warwick GRASS-SHOW - Spoonin' Mix, and the aptly bad for a bunch of yanks. jazz er....'classic', is pretty 1962 (EMI) titled Best K^t Secret remix. average. James. Worth checking out, if only Numnuts.•••••• • This is a slick piece of racy for the remixes. DalHso. rock that I don't have a lot to say about. Mark. SLINGBACKS-The JAI - Don't Give Me •••••••• DJ KOOL - Let Me Boy Who Wanted... Away (M-i-G) Clear My Throat (Virgin) Veiy melodic voice, nice NENEH CHERRY- choice of instruments, melan- (American) More indie-pop from the 'All cholic lyrics. Kind of old style Feel it (Hut) Pop No Star' album, and an This is a straight up party tune love songs. Other remixes The third, and possibly best, improvement on the last cou- better than the radio edit. 'Let single from 'Man' (excluding and was actually recorded ple of singles. Trashy guitars, live at a club. It features old Me In', the other frack, is OK 7 Seconds), this is a soft yet a clever lyric, and Mitch Eas- too. Brazilnutter. rousing, atmospheric soul- school hip hop veterans Biz ter (REM) behind the con- pop number, which show- Markie and Doug E. Fresh, trols, sounds good. Like the cases Neneh's fine voice. rhyming over DJ Marie the 45 other singles though this is King's 'The 900 Number'. I Coming Soon To Union Near You A Brand New Service for the University

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\ USSU Ents Pianner Week Ending Feb 23 Boom Boom Boom, let me hear you say way-oh - # - •nnü Too Late CLLJ

Fridoy Salurda/

n lA Ufi aa ftm Bsr With a ni(qhto f Drum and Boss FREK BAND Mondo/ tcM&iiH MGGA k THE JACK In the Uf^r Bar A MAGIC ORCHESTRA Avallllabea f ro'omm 7pm

Tuccia/ Wednesdoy Helyn Rose Bar 8pm Lets Talk About Hex Baby. Pernod Hex £1

Tíiursclay FricJay THE ONE AND ONLY üíl^s ülnlatcn pila DJ Compefitíon with Chris Hasiam Main Lounge 7pm FEAT ANDY JAMES

Scilurday Sunday No Free Band This SttAfi Week Album Reviews V/A - Fear And Steve Hogarth, former Euro- craft is not like anything you V/A - Suspect pean and Ae frontman who re- have heard before. Distorted, Loathing lu Las vitalised Marillion, he is noisy, unmelodic, discordant, Package Vegas (leiand) accompanied by Blondie instrumental and certainly (Hardieaders) drummer Clem Burke, XTC free-form. Imagine Lou You must have had one - one guitarist Dave Gregory and Reed's 'Metal machine Mu- 'Suspect Package' is a compi- of tiiose long crazy weekends Richard Barbieri, ex-Japan. sic' only inspired by LSD. lation album which explores you spend blasted out of your This album is certainly more Weird loops and stuff with a the world of 'Drum and Bass' box. The ones where you con- pop than recent Marillion al- jazz influence, John Zorn at a relatively non-commercial stantly wish you were.record- bums but is none-the-less a comes to mind or early Sonic and somewhat raw level. What ing forposterity all the ecstatic magnificent experiment with Youth. Somewhat wonderful, can only be described as an hedonism and bullshit world- beautiful songs. Rob. and on headphones it really amateurish attempt lends itself peace-ensuring psychobabble does your mind in. Rob. well to the ethos behind the you're coming out with, but music. Concentrating more on after which all you can re- the tunes than fancy and un- THE 5TRANGLERS necessaiy marketing we are member is that it was an ace presented with a simple yet crack. - Wrltten In Red V/A - Beavis and 3utt-head Do authentic picture of hard hit- Hunter S. Thompson's rub- (When) ting 'up and coming' Jungle. ber-walled genius work of America (Geffen) Good effort. Numnuts. "gonzo joumalism" is just one This is a very weird album ... of these - the best of these - but mixtures of pop, melodie rock A variety of MTV-types he wrote it all down. In this in some places and even some bookended by two highly dramatic adaptation, cuit icon cool tacky disco-ish beats in amusing pastiches. The album DAVID aOlVIE - some parts!! Sometimes. the opens with Isaac Hayes paro- Hany Dean Stanton drawls Earthling (BMG) k through the narration as if the songs sound like an extended dying the 'Shaft' tiieme on "comedown was just begin- version of U2's 'The Unfor- "Two Cool Guys' and ends The album is in the style of ning, and the recording main- gettable Pire' done by some- with an over-the-top Éngle- Little Wonder throughout, tains the insane pace of the one else and then suddenly bert Humperdink bailad - only it gets crazier. There is book whilst making slightly they're like The Pet Shop 'Lesbian SeaguU'. Between rhythm, drums, vocals in more chronolo^cal sense for Boys in 'West End Girls' or these is a wide range of MTV every song, but that's as far as the Fear... virgin. 'Always On My Mind '. On the staple music. LL Cool J mur- I can go in defming the music whole, the effect is quite good. ders Chaka Khan's 'Ain't No- inthisalbum. l'm sure there'Il A blissed-out feast forthe aco- Best tracks on the album are body', the current US be aname for this soon enough lyte and a pleasing condiment #4 'Silver Into Blue' and #7 fascination for ska-rock is rep- though, as that ' s what it ' s been for the established disciple. 'Joy De Viva'. Oliveira. resented by Rancid. However like for all his previous things. the Red Hot Chili Peppers Jazzy Jes. Typically strange-for-the- steal the show with a funked- time material from him once to-the-max cover of the Ohio again. Overall quite good but HOVERCRAFT- Players 'Love Rollercoaster' THUNDER-The Akathisia (&last that really should be a single. no•••••t his best•. Brasilnutter. A mixed bag. Rob. Thrill Of It All First) (Castle) Bizarre! ! Very bizarre indeed, Pure unadulterated rock at its the début album from Hover- best. Even the love song is not yucky. This is their 4th album and I don't know how they haven'tmadeitbigyet,maybe ALBUM or IIIË VfE¥Ai fit's because they're not Americans, or don't look so V/A - Vicient World: A Tribute To The Misfits {Caroline) scrufíy, it's probably because of the cover though, but at least they are real musicians. ThßMtstfrts^lheOletJnDanzig ; auihrtnty asihe Hnest moment Excellent stuff. Brasilnutter. l&d Goth-Punks (moch be- ; ofthe«á)um Agréai record of •//••••• lovôd of MetaÎltoa) who spïtt ; tn l^T were a highiy infitien- liai act on LIS |mnk/hard- H - Ice Cream uure sc«ae, This albîjm C5enius (Castle) featores a varie^ of mostly Americ&n wtîst^ eoveïi»^ Tee Cream Genius', the debut some of the ì4isfìts better album from H, is a collection : kftown $ongs. AU the ver$ions of eclectic ballads and pop nsiïiain fairïy ^^^ lo Cinema Mission Imp-OFU-ssible

Your mission, should you choose to ac- to go on the run from virtually everybody, cept it, is to come and see this film. 'Mis- when a mission goes badiy wrong in Pra- sion Impossible' sees Tom Cruise going gue. I could give you a ftill review of this back to what he does best - action films. film, which I thought was excellent, but And this is some action film. The film is instead, IMI leave you with immortal line packed not only with incredible stunts and "this message will self destruct in five spécial effects (the best of which must be seconds..." a helicopter chasing a train down the Mission Impossible will be showing in Channel Tunnel), but also an impressive Lecture Theatre G on Sunday at 5pm and cast, including Vanessa Redgrave, Kristin 8pm and again on Monday at 8pm. Ad- Scott-Thomas and the gorgeous Em- vanced tickets are available by filling in manuelle Béart. an advanced ticket in the union post room The film follows up The Fugitive from and popping it in the OFU box...and yes last week, in being a remake of a classic we'll make sure there are some advanced tickets down there this week! Having sixties TV sériés. It centres on the "Plan 9 From Outer Space". Ed Wood Cruiser's character 'Ethan Hunt', who has filled in your ticket, it's £2 on the door. Season tickets are still available for the will be showing in LTG on Wednesday at bargain price of just £6 and can be pur- 8pm. Advance can be acquired from the THISWEEK'S FILMS chased before and after films. union post room. The only thing left to say is that OFU meet Mission Impossible The Arts cinema is showing Tim Burton's 'Ed Wood' this week. Burton teams up in LTH every Tuesday at 6pm. Come with his Edward Scissorhands star, along and help us decide what you want Sun Spm & 8pm and Mon to see at your friendly campus cinema 8pm Johnny Depp, in an amusing mono- chrome biopic of one of cinema's most after Easter and more importantly, come iliustrious failures, charting Ed Wood's and give us a hand replacing our dreadftil Ed Wood first attempt at movie making, to the lion logo. Until next week, bye bye. Wed 8pm opening night of his greatest picture - Bruce Odeon Guildford Friday 14th February to Thursday 20th February 1997

Ranson (15) She's The One (15) That Thing You Do (PG) Friday and Saturday at 12.30, 3.30,4.40, Friday and Saturday at 3.00, 5.25, 8.00, Friday and Saturday at 12.25 6.30, 7.40. 9.30, 10.30 10.25 Sunday to Thursday at 12.10 Sunday to Thursday at ( 1.30 not Tuesday Sunday to Thursday at 3.45, 6.15, 8.40 Matilda (PG) or Thursday), 4.30, 5.30,7.45, 8.30 Powder(I2) Friday and Saturdav at (10.45 Sat Michael (PG) only), 1.00,3.15 Friday and Saturday at 2.00.4.45,10.15 Special Preview Showing, Friday at Sunday to Thursday at 12.15, (2.30 not Sunday to Thursday at 12.35, 3.15, 8.35 7.1 Opm only Wednesday) Fly Away Home (U) Fierce Créatures (PG) Friday and Saturday at 12.10,2.30,4.50 101 Dalmations (U) Friday and Saturday at 12.50, 3.10, 5.30. Sunday to Thursday at I.OO, 3.20, 5.40 Friday and Saturday at 12.10,2.20 Sunday to Thursday at 12.30,2.50 8.00,10.30 Extreme Measures (15) Sunday to Thursday at L30, 3.50, 6.30. Friday and Saturday at 7.30pm 8.50 Saturday Morning Picture Sunday to Thursday at 5.55pm Show Evita (PG) Shine (12) Twister (PG) at 10.50 Friday and Saturday at 7.10,10.10 Friday and Saturday at 5.40, 8.10,10.40 Sunday to Thursday at 8.10 Sunday to Thursday at 6.10, 8.45 The Adventures of Pinnochio (PG) at 10.45 Harriet TheSpy (PG) Sleepers (15) Dragonheart (PG) at 10.50 Friday and Saturday at 12.25,2.40, 5.00 Friday and Saturday at 9.40 Wind In the Willows (U) at 10.40 Sunday to Thursday at 12.30,3.00 Sunday to Thursday at 8.00 AGoofvMovie (U)10.40 Ali tickétsjust£l!!î In Love and War (15) The Frighteners (15) Friday and Saturday at 1.30, 4.15, 7.00, Friday (no showing). Saturday at 7.20pm Films For All Seasons 9.45 Sunday to Thursday 5.25 Sunday to Thursday at 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, Wednesday 8.30 ATimeTo Kill(15) 2.15,5.10, 8.10 Personals

¥Look everyone, if you don't ¥Tish - the most sexiest stop I'm gonna cry.... real dancer at shag - BP '97 tears you Imow! ¥L, Happy Valentines day. ¥hong-how's it feel to be a V Happy 21 st Hannah W. (Feb vtall dark chemist seeks retri- Enjoy the ball! -1 will!xx 8th) bution. thorpe park ranger? ¥Frigde Magnet thankyou for ¥ To P hedges are for looking vMy Dearest Frog, AI! my V Helen - please be my Miss the advice that you have at not sleeping in. love to you on this day of Wright tonight. Happy Val- given me the last couple of ¥My B -1 iove U lots & lots Valentine, Please be happy entines Day - love you know weeks!Saucy S. & lots & lots & lots & lots & and be mine, S.C. xxxx who ¥ We are northem not bloody vTo the Cookie Monster, will vLiz Williams - make sure lots English OKÜ! . you be my Valentine??? you get it inthe hole! ¥NACH0, rVE HEARD ¥Simey - what flavour willy vNoel - Did you have to pull vTo the boy from Portland YOUR UNDERWEAR IS do you fancy for Valentines THAT bloke on your 21 st? Rock: Are you a Fraggle? VERY SEXY. WISH I Day? Love you lots xxxx ¥ Though DOMS disappear, COULD SEE IT. XXX. N. ¥ Little Miss Sexy Stitching: I V To my little hot water bottle ¥ Elephants have great memo- never fear as SBS girlies still -helio from Mercedes Benz Loved our walk, I loved our ries. talk and the sunrise together. are here! vMel, You can see my Bare vLucy M is swimming in Facts anytime xxx ¥ I hope that was your electric ¥Tamara, come make my toothbrush Í heard from your world happy again love ? urine. V Lucy, I think you're taking bedroom last night Rachel! ! ! ¥ Claire I still think you're the vTo all those who have no this uriñe therapy thing a bit ¥ To The Secret Sex Queen - best, yours always you know valentme this year call 0891 too far! Where is it that you go on a who! SEX GOD!!!!!!!! ¥ Thanks to all helpers in the Monday night?? - from The ¥sheepsuckgoats. V 5:19am in the Mullins with election - you were fab Fridge Magnet Fan and her the regulars! Get some sleep ¥ I Hope that Miss Piggy was ¥DearBarry, Happy 2nd Val- Saucy Sidekick. entines' Day. All my love you you sad chufßiellsü not to scarey for you lan at ¥ fraggle rock?? hummmm the last Shag. Saucy S. . Louise xxx vMel D - Do you 'wannabe' Portland i think (M) ¥Marcella:hello from Alan ¥GoIden Bollocks - Will you my Spice Girl? Just say ¥T0 THE MUPPETS ON Chu in your maths class. be my Valentine? you'll be there this Valen- WEY 1 - HAVE A GOOD Stomp stomp chicken bone ¥Mr Messy and Nick (the tines Day - BF VALENTINES DAY - M V Karen had a little lamb - so delilah. Manchester Lads) - How ¥ To the Cuddly One - You're many fishfingers was it who's the father? ¥ VQ stop interfering with the in trouble! Wanna know vOi P! B52 and Black Rus- frequency again?? Love from The why? Check out my F.M.Fan and her Saucy.S. sian No!!! ¥love is in the airüü! DODGY BIRDS LOVE V Shandy - Friday nite could ¥"Y0U ARE THE SUPE- ¥Hobbes - your B.R.'s are DODGY BLOKES, LOTS RIOR BEING, EXTERMI- be THE night for your dream rather good, love Suzie OF LIKE AND XXXXXXX girl with the electric blue NATE EXTERMINATE". ¥james - remember your ¥Dominic - looking forward Dr Who. dress, good luck!!! - love M alarm dock next time you go to a nice conversation next XXX ¥DEAN0 HAPPY VALEN- to the library - M+M Monday - M+M TINES LOVEC... V Whose that Gir-ir-irl run- ¥ COCO missing you on val- ¥Ahem.... so Katie, I guess ¥Mullens, It may end up 3-2 ning around with you-oo- we're gonna be gooseberries entines day love your L.M. oo! BING! BANG! BONG! to me if your not careful! this weekend... ¥ Saucy sidekicks neck! The Saucy S. V Thanks for the shoulder and ¥0h shite. Speed camera just F.M.Fan the ear ¥ Samson is looking for Deli- got US chewy. ¥Ceri - you're blonde, gor- lah (but a pissed git will do) vTo Wendy, Clare & Kate, ¥ So how many blokes did you geous and you speak Swed- sorry babes , I'm taken. Go lunge at on monday then Ka- ¥D0UBLE CHINS CLUB ish. What more could a man has grown into the new im- and borrow VQ's chum. tie? ask for? V Mech. Eng. - where are all of prove TREBLE CHINS ¥ DJ Eddy Woo mixing I don't ¥ thanks to my two brilliant CLUB, MAIL meSlcb for your personals, are you all think so retuming officers, Catherine that boring? info ¥lf it's all blase, the true an- and James ¥Tania - you can get my V Little Miss Sexy Stitching: I swer is 42. ¥To the 2 butlers...don't for- adore 'that thing you do', Rocks off whenever you ¥l am not an unreasonable get to put the rubbish out! ! want and I WILL catch you if you ¥ Jill I only just met you and fall over! man, but I don't think there's ¥ I will fall out with you!! 1!! anything wrong with you de- you dissappeared??? ¥The secret sex queen has vWhy have ALL the DOMS liquents that can't be cured ¥ Em, will you be my Valen- students moved to cometo lifeü! by a quick retum to the days tine? Even though you are ¥MGMT Studies...projects Staines???? of Corporal Punishment from Suffolk! PS. Where are vButlin boy's 2 others 0 !!! are done...yipeee! ¥Hiiunmm, a buzzing egg.... my flowers?! ¥Snickers - you'll always be vTo my darling Mr Tickle, whatevernext?!?! ¥hi ya! Happy Valentines Day my better half - lots of love, ¥Stud Monkey - how many ¥Paul M: your sabre has Twix Honey, loads of love and more places are we going to stuff Little Miss Naughty pierced my heart! ! ! E. ¥ Gary M, You are the KING christen? Shame about secu- ¥ Sheffield blöke seeks Bex- of bra undoingü! You had vPereonall: Remember rity interupting on the road. ley blond. Shame he's got The Trout Is Out There better watch your Y- fronts ¥To all the sabbs, staff and three kids!!!!!! now !!!!!!!!!!! V Sexy Blond Fresher STILL other uni bods, thanks ¥ Wish U the loviest, doviest seeks Valentine!!!!!!! - You ¥To my MG happy Valen- ¥D0DGY BIRDS ARE Valentines Day my Cookie - LOOKING FOR 6Ft TALL know the number. tines - from Tiger $ -1 love YOU vThanks for the B'day Card FRANKIE DETORRI Claire! LOOKALIKES Crossword

V Were you the one who took V Don't go too fast Kev eos =B andy home from shag, if so with that spoiler you'd prob- please let him know who ably takeoff!!!! Campusport you are. v"Indian Joe" Happy Valen- vMark you presence is tines Day. Love T.B.D. xxx wanted by someone! vkeep it in the family,hey invites you to join in vPJ ' thats the last time we karen? with trust you with a black vTo my Darüng Al, wiil you marker pen! make my dreams come true V To my sexy Fireman, Love and may the Charter Ball alwaysxxx one to remember. Love C. j^EPARTMENTai V Anywhere south of the M18 vHelen, Krista, Elsa, Angél- is too southern for me! ! ica - Will you be our Valen- V Little Miss Sexy Stitching: tines? Love Archangel and Please be my Valentine! Wolverine See you at the Ball... vCATHERINE LOVE YOU V Andy Gr. Hello! Smile, sing LOTS LOVE GAZZA LAMBADA and laugh as elections are V Geezer Bird - hope you had soon over a funky 20th birthday. Don't RICHARD JONES (Campnsport & »Roses are red, violets are get addicted to that dummy Bloctaemistry) irUl be leadingr tlirce Workshops on: blue, sugar is sweet but (and I don't mean football where are you? menü) loads of love from FRIDAY l^TH FEBRUARY vRaph, What ever happens the Mad Cows (Valendne's Day) ¥ Tom - Northeners are not all FRIDAY 7TH MARCH lets just make sure we stay & FRIDAY 14TH MARCH friends! homosexual, as I may have AT 1.05 pjn. V Do you fancy coming racing insinuated Saturday night. round Bellfields tonight O. as part of tbe Interdepartmental ¥ Bitter & Twisted: Someone prosraimiie. Noprevloas then you Boy Racer. experlencc necessaryl vBRUCEY WUCEY WE else is spreading Flora I^HEE wMli fMKH/ComMacd canli LOVE YOU now!! MSE3 er S«p K^tau/«!.«* »uiT V J - be my Valentine - M vLynsey aka Disney Time: » lain Murray, you know what How many times have you l think of you... Happy Val- been coid recently? DONT MISS THIS FUN OPPORTUNTlYt Come by yourself or come with a friend entine's Day! vanyone for a by-election? vand what about the dooz- to the UNIVERSITY HALL ers?? Crossword No. 50 Across 7. Public road (7) 11. Person being conveyed (9) 6 7 1. Maybe (7) 13. Racing-dogs (8) 5. Premonition (5) 14. To wind about (7) 8. Peevish (9) 16. Steering apparatus (6) • 9 9. Greedy eater (3) 19. Bride's gift to husband (5) lO.Inaskiliul way (8) 20. Moumfìil cry (4) 12. Increase in size (4) 23. Cover (3) 14. Place of worship (6) 12 • 15. Talkative (6) Last Weeks Solution 13 17. Summit (4) Across: 1. racer 4. descend 8. 18. Imagined (8) arm 9. arthritis 10. molests 11. • 21. Evacuate (3) enemy 13. prince 15. instep 22. member of benevolent so- 18. hotel 19. admirai 21. but- ciety (9) terfly 23, act 24. trestle 25. 24. Rustie (5) rinse 25. Leisure period (4-3) Down: 1. road-map 2. complaint 3. reams 4. detest 5. sur- geon 6. eat 7. dusky 12. Down entertain 14. collect 16. palette 17. baffle 18. habit 20. mayor 1. Resentment (5) 22 toe 2. Kind of Whiskey (3) 3. A sign of the zodiac (8) Crosswords compilad by 4. Angry frowns (6) Jeff Blackham 5. Dry outer covering (4) 6. Inflammation of the kidneys (9) & Clubs and Socíetles AGMs Notices Women's Football AGM Drama Workshop Society Please note the NEW IMPROVED Bare Facts e-mail address Friday 2 ! st February at 5pm AGM - Tuesday 11 February is now: [email protected] Varsity Centre -LTA 6:00pm Cali Anne on 569993 for The recent cycle auction raised £117.79 for the Student Hard- Mountain Bike AGM. Thurs- ship Fund. more details day 13th February 6pm in Pakinstani AGM TB 19. Please ali try to attend The next Splatfest is on 1/3/97 entry details at end of week. Thursday 20th February at as we need to elect a new Confused contact the paintball soc! 6.3 Opm comittee. Any problems B- "It's cold and wet outside, you can't be bothered to go to Téseos. LTL mail Jon on me5ljh@sur- What if somebody would go to Téseos for you and then deliver Ring Salman on 0958 rey.ac.uk your beer and choccies to the door.Yes, you think the perfect 367014 for more details Archery AGM 1 Ith Feb 7pm answer...,or not? Please send any comments to barefacts@sur- Taijitsu AGM TBl2a rey.ac.uk or drop them into the Bare Facts box. Sunday 23rd February at 3pm Running Club Monday lOth ACNE (A document for Channel Four TV) Campusport Studio February 1997 at 5.30pm, Are you are sufferer of ACNE? Do you feel that It has affected The meeting will take place Grant Mitchel Room your life and relationships? Do you feel it is not taken seriously after the usuai training ses- Ring lan on ext. 4913 for by others and they don't understand? Should or could more have sion more details been done to help you? Channel Four is making a documentary Badminton AGM, Thursday about ACNE and would very much like to talk to people who Jiu Jitsu AGM are currently suffering about their experiences of having ACNE. 13th February, 6pm in the Wednesday 26 Feb. 3.00pm Grant Mitchell Room. For If you feel you have something to say please write or preferably in the Grant Mitchell room, phone (in complete confidence without any obligation) to: further information contact in the Union. All to attend, Ben on 574678. Jonathon Barker or Helen Magee,Thomas Gray Produc- for the election of the New tions,Socio-Legal Centre, Linton Road, Oxford, 0X2 -6UD, Committee. Tel: 01865 284247

ci^iiCTo n UNIVERSITY OF SURREY v •S-Afr.-

FUTURE VACANCIES LIST NO. 8 Coniains ail Job opportunities notißed to us since 28 January

INCLUDING MILKROUND UPDATE

On a chilly, dark Fcbruai> aftcmoon, Ihe 120-lon Oraf Schneider deparK NOW AVAILABLE from Bertin (hcadquarters of tbe newly founded National Socialisl Cierman Working Man's Party) two minutes carly witfa customary Gennanic eSiciency. The sJcndcr silvcr bullet rises with etTortless grace and bcgim IN THE its fUghi across Europc and the Atlantic, canying with ii 30 or so high- cla.sn paswngers until

CAREERS SERVICE Boardin^ ¿t^awL TI-Í Sàturday

V CAREERS SERVICE- Sport Egotorial ell, hello! Just in it's time B.F. has seen some Absolute! a quick one sporting wonders. Scotland winning the Grand Slam in Wthis week, this 1990, for one. Allan Wells r not being the first time Fabulous! wirmingthe 100m Gold medal I've said that. As Vm off for Britain in the 1980 Olym- to foreign climes to do pics. Scotland making five King Alfred's College 3 Surrey Uni football world cups in a row. mortal combat. Well, Granted, they did bugger all Women's Football 3 Bournemouth actually. once there, apart from get a But it could be worse. sponsorship deal from Super- Men's 1st Hockey went dnig in Argentina, but I sup- f you go to dear old was going to go in or not. It did to Cardiff last week and pose not many of you Cindies on a Monday and maybe Jigsaw needs a new remember that. night, you're nickname? "Wings" followed were unfortunate not to I her captain's example by scor- win. But, being good Having perused previous is- guaranteed to hear a song ing, making it 2-2 at half time. sportsmen and bloody sues, I noticed ñill frontal nu- tiiat goes 'These are the dity was included. Now I With the whole team playing nice chaps they proved it best days of your life.' with bucket loads of PMA, we know what they mean by the Well, when I next bop wasn't Üie winning but 'Good Old Days'. All right, so dominated the second half and the taking part and got the Rugby Club weren't quite along to that song in the finally got the goal we de- back to Surrey a day later nude in the guess the weight future I'll be thinking of served when Alfie's keeper very fragile. competition last week, but it's last Wednesday. For got 'tangoed'. 2-3 up with ten a step in the right direction. those of you who think minutes to go - could we hold They missed the RAG Beer And I for one volunteer my our lead? Unfortunately the competition, or should we say services in the name of ground Wednesday afternoons ref, who had been giving free an incredible display of physi- breaking journalism. And I are best spent at Teseo's kicks away at the slightest op- cal prowess of Gargantuan think it's what the public want. / in the library/ at the portunity, gave our opposition proportions from the Rugby Nothing tacky, mind, only a free kick just outside the box. Club, but there's always next laundrette, you'll find to Their centre back didn't hesi- tasteful shots. Due to the dirth difficult to understand year. of entrants for the aforesaid tate to wallop it into the back competition, I think the 'prize' the thrill, the complete of our net. No sooner had the 900 issues old eh? Back when ball been placed for our kick all this was fields and you'd scared some people away. So buzz that we 'weirdo's' it is hereby changed. You no get from playing sport, off when die fiill time whistle get enough change from 2'n'6 blew. A 3-3 draw did not re- to get your BFH (bus fare longer have to snog DeWint. but believe me, its There, that should do it. flect how passionately we home) after going to the cin- FANTASTIC! The buzz played and no less then 9 ema, buying a packet of crisps players were nominated for and twenty woodbines. Well, Ginga we got last Wednesday was HUGE!! 'man of the match', clearly representing a real team effort. After being beaten 6-2 at home WAIVTED by Alfie's we were determined Yes we were gutted, a tear or to get our own back. Their two may even have been shed, pitch was incredibly small - if but I am a firm believer that Toys 'R' Us sold a 'Soccer winnmg isn't everything and ParPu Animals Barbie' she'd be dazzling we'd achieved something young kiddies with her silky great on Barbie's pitch that no- Party cruise to Amsterdam. skills on a pitch this size. Play- body could ever take away ing on it took a bit of getting form us. We certainly couldn't used to and we found our- have sung any louder on the "Pimps & Prostitutes Tour selves 2-0 down - to be per- way home, or held our heads fectly honest I can't remember up any higher in the Union, or 1997' why. However all was not last, had any more fun at the beer as a superb clearance by my- races. Wednesday was our day self set Jigsaw free to score - the morning after however what was to be the goal of the was quite a different story, season. A superb run was fol- All Fun Loving Students from which my bin is still re- lowed by an expert lob over covering Welcome the helpless keeper. Time stood still as we waited and waited to see whether the ball Love a very happy bunny 28th February 1997 called Thumper XXX - 2nd March BUSA Trampolining Championships Cost - only £50.00 Come along and Support Surrey's Four Finalíst on Sunday the 23rd February at including insurance and 2 nights Campusport from 10 am accomodation See Sports office for more The Vice-Chancellor will be presenting the details. Places limited awards from 4.30 onwards. Sport Surrey Student To Run The London Marathon raham Miller - the hero. This Gmay seem like a bizarre way to start an article but when i met him last week this was my first thought.

Three y ears ago he was working as a teacher in Japan and had an accident while mountain biking with his wife, Rochelle. He broke his back in four places after falling off his bike into a dried up river and was unable to walk for three months. After travelling to Canada for treatment Graham was well on the way to recovery and nearly a year to the day after his accident he ran his first Today, more than 50,000 ISRT is the only charity in the fund-raiser people in the UK are in UK dedicated to finding a Now a Student here Graham is wheelchairs, paralysed by cure and Graham is set to Back in England Rochelle keen to promote the need for spinai injuries. There is no raise awareness and money Started training for the Lon- research into spinai cord inju- recovery from spinai cord in- for them through running in don Marathon and Graham ries and as the average age for jury - at least, not yet. Excit- the London Marathon. helped with the training. He injury is only 19, this is a par- soon decided to run as well ing new research, fiinded by ticular concem for the Uni- ISRT, is discovering ways of Melanie Dean and raise some money for The versity and students. International Spinal Research repairing the spinai cord and Trust. restoring its function. CAMPUSPORT BUSA Trampolining A NEW FIVE WEEK GOLF Champìonships 2.2.97 COURSE begins on Tuesday 18th February at 6.00 p.m. in t 6.45a.m. on Jamie, after much persuasion ruary 1997 along with the our nets- at the Campusport was entered as a late entrant open compétition. We are Centre. Come along and leam Sunday 2nd February ir. the intermediate class and veiy priviledged to be hosting the basics, or improve your A finished 8th overall in the such a prestigious national fi- skills with our professional members of the mens overall to claim a place nal. Some of the top men and coaches Paul and Nathan trampoline club met in a in the final. However, well women bouncers will de- from Chiddingfold Golf misty car park 1 ready to done to eveiy one who entered scend on Gulidford to do bat- Club. Sign Up for this course including Emma O'Donnell Ile in their leotards. We would at the Campusport Centre set off to the regional who finidied 17th in the fe- appreciate loads of support (only £5 if you have a BUSA trampolining male intermediate to also go for all of the competitors in- DOSH/Combined card!) champìonships held at through to the national finals. cluding the Bath ^alists for Bath university. In the novice class Sarah what promises to be a fantas- came 9th, Kelly Hisham llth tic and memorable day ( espe- Another NEW FIVE WEEK and I came 20th and we all ciaUy if its only the leotards COURSE in SELF DE- Having anived just in time we made it through to the final. that you've come to FENCE with the ever populär warmed up and practiced our Worthy of a special mention, watch!!!). Simon Langston begins on routines, kitted out in our however, is Dawn Clayson Wednesday 19th February in "Get a regulär Jump" T-shirts who was 3rd overall at half Ifyou are interested in joining the Tap Room at the Cam- in a multitude of colours with way but due to a late hiccup in the trampoline club it's never pusport Centre, 7.00 p,m. only their faint musty smeli her routine didn't qualify for to late. Please tum up at any This short course aims to hinting that they had been left the final. session or leave a note in the raise your awareness and moulding away unused in a pigeon hole. gives realistic techniques for carrier bag for the last few The novice and intermediate Jane (Trampoline Chair) defence. Sign up as before. years. finals will be taking place here in Surrey on the 23 Feb- «i>