Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Winter 12-5-2008

Volume 44 - Issue 09 - Friday, December 5, 2008

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 44 - Issue 09 - Friday, December 5, 2008" (2008). The Rose Thorn Archive. 138. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/138

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. T HE R OSE T HORN R OSE -H ULMAN I NSTITUTE OF T ECHNOLOGY T ERRE H AUTE , I NDIANA FRIDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2008 ROSE-HULMAN.EDU/THORN/ VOLUME 44, ISSUE 9 Tragedy strikes yet again Tim Boyer ed on the side of the road. NewsBy Andrew Briefs Klusman C o p y E d i t o r Mark and Patricia LaGrange, the parents of McCord were his past August, Fatih also seriously injured in the Oil falls below Ilhan came to the crash; Mark LaGrange died at TUnited States for the Methodist Hospital later that $44 a barrel first time in his life. This past night. Tekarslan and Ozgur Crude oil prices fell below $44 a barrel Monday, his life was taken in were not seriously injured. on Thursday, hitting a four year low, caus- an icy car accident close to In the short time that Ilhan ing nationwide average gasoline prices to school on U.S. 40. had been at Rose, he had al- fall under $1.80 a gallon. Four months Ilhan was an exchange stu- ready made an impact on ago, crude oil stood at nearly $150 per dent from Istanbul, Turkey some people. Senior chemi- barrel, with the average price of a gallon who came to America with cal engineering major Nick of gas running at around $4. A slowdown fellow Yeditepe University Easter recalled that “Fatih was in construction, combined with the student Leyla Ozgur this past a good humored guy with an lower output of manufacturing in recent summer. Ilhan was 21 and infectious smile and a quick weeks, in addition to the financial crisis, was studying chemical engi- laugh.” has helped to send crude oil prices fall- neering at about the junior Ilhan’s death marks the ing from their highs in the summer. In or senior level, according to fourth Rose student in the addition to this news, earlier this week Karen DeGrange, Director of 2008 calendar year, all of it was reported by the National Bureau International Student Servic- which have been vehicu- of Economic Research that the economy es and Special Programs. lar accidents. Earlier this entered a recession in December 2007. On Monday, December 1 at school year, Cory Salem was about 6pm, Ilhan, Ozgur and killed in a motorcycle ac- senior electrical engineer- cident. Last April, Nick Lee Teen’s life saved by ing major Orcun Tekarslan, and Brandon Couch were who was driving, were on killed in separate, unrelated text messaging their way back from Walmart accidents only three days British surgeon David Nott was able to and had turned on to east- apart. Before this, according successfully amputate the arm of a teen- bound U.S. 40 from Indiana to Pete Gustafson, the last ager in Congo, Africa. Nott was in Africa State Route 46. Due to the icy time Rose has dealt with a through the Doctors with Borders group, an roads, the car ended up slid- death in the community was humanitarian organization. He recognized ing into westbound lanes, in all the way back during the the teenager’s life was in danger, because his the way of opposing traffic. 1994-1995 school year when arms had been ripped off and were gangre- A car driven by Candres there were three deaths that nous, giving him only a few days to live. To McCord collided into Tek- year, including a car ac- perform the operation, Nott texted his sur- arslan’s car, ejecting Ilhan cident and a drowning in gical colleague Meirion Thomas for advice from the backseat and land- Speed Lake. on how to perform the operation, because Thomas is one of the few surgeons familiar with the procedure of removing the collar bone and shoulder blade. Thomas then texted back ten steps Nott should follow, and ended the text with “Easy! Good luck.” The three-hour operation was completed with only one pint of donated blood. Nott stayed with the teenager to keep an eye on the wounds. US missile shield supported by NATO NATO foreign ministers meeting in Brussels this week reaffirmed their sup- port for a United States missile shield in the Czech Republic and Poland, despite strong Russian opposition. The foreign ministers said the planned deployments of interceptor missiles and an advanced radar station will help to protect allies from long-range ballistic missiles. In re- sponse to the missile shield, Russia has deployed short-range missiles in Kalin- ingrad, which borders Poland, and is the western-most region of Russia. All 26 NATO allies signed the statement back- ing the deployment. In addition to the statement, NATO ministers agreed to gradually resume talks with Moscow, Photos courtesy of Brandi Sturgill talks which were frozen after Russian Fatih Ilhan, Turkish exchange student studying chemical engineering, passed away Monday December 1, 2008, in a dual-fatality troops entered Georgia in August. accident in front of Rose-Hulman. Fatih was ejected from the rear seat of the car and killed on impact. Services were held Wednesday December 3, 2008, in Indianapolis at Al-Fajr Masjid Mosque. In this issue of the Rose Thorn... Alcoholic

Bailout NEWS Lonely? OPINIONS Athlete of the Week F

3 6 LIPSIDE As You Like It McCain...Mr. Runner-up 8

L5IVING 7SPORTS 8 PAGE -

NEWS - PAGE 3 ENTERTAINMENT - PAGE 4 LIVING - PAGE 5 OPINIONS - PAGE 6 SPORTS - PAGE 7 FLIPSIDE 2 PUZZLES & CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn Sudoku Times Two!

By Melissa Brumbaugh

Instructions: Use the letters: W I N T E R Q U A to fill in the missing spaces. Be sure not to repeat Instructions: any letter in each row, column, or 3x3 square. Use the numbers: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 to fill in the missing spaces. Be sure not to repeat any Crypto-Quote of the Week number in each row, column, or 3x3 square. By Melissa Brumbaugh XOJ SLXS ZW KLM, YGGYFSZUY ZBBYJZXSYIM, Z XB Instructions: ______, ______, _ _ _ Solve the puzzle by deciphering the following quote and figure out from which movie the quote is. WLNSSZOD JAKO SLY KYXRAOW BXONGXFSNQZOD Each letter represents a different ______letter in the alphabet. JZUZ WZAO AG WSXQE ZOJNWSQZYW. Key: A=X, B=V, C=F ______.

CLASSIFIEDS

Sharp Flats, LLC Comfortable house for rent to Rose students

Want your own place and still be able to walk to Rose in a few minutes? Check out Sharp Short drive 10-15 minutes from campus in Riley, past the new Wal-Mart on 46. Two bed- Flats East. We have one-bedrooms, $460 (with electric), furnished studios starting at rooms plus a full bath downstairs. Two bedrooms and an alcove plus a full bath upstairs. $395 (with utilities), and efficiencies starting at $360 (with utilities). Living room with fireplace, dining room, We have wireless Internet, furnished units, lots of parking, and laundry facilities. Don’t large kitchen with dishwasher and garbage disposal, large rec room, attached oversize forget to check out the Trails End Cafe too! We are located at the first stoplight east of 2 car garage. Rose-Hulman at 40 (Wabash Ave.) and Hunt Road. Check us out at sharpflats.com, or All appliances provided including washer and dryer. Central A/C. call us at (812) 877-1146. You’ll love the convenient location, having your own bathroom, Mostly furnished. $250 per month per student plus share of utilities. space and our great prices! Pet friendly! Landlord pays water and sewer. Space available for 2 students starting this Winter Quarter. Campus ext-8317 or 240-4774. The Rose Thorn Editorial Staff Thorn Staff CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Eli Baca Co-Editor-in-Chief Andrew Klusman Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 Staff Writers Co-Editor-in-Chief Jim Sedoff Matthew Bryant Phone:(812)877-8255 Noel Spurgeon News Editor Scott Gallmeier Fax: (812)877-8166 Entertainment Editor Ben Collins Hobey Tam Living Editor Melissa Brumbaugh E-mail: [email protected] Clint Thompson Opinions Editor Christine Price http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn J.P. Verkamp Sports Editor Mike Ferguson James Zhou Humor Editor Matt Melton “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Co-Copy Editor Tim Boyer by providing an accurate and Co-Copy Editor Carly Baehr dependable source for news and information.” Photo Editor Andrew Carlson Cartoonist Nick Easter Layout Manager Cari Harper The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays first through ninth week each quarter. Administrative Staff Photographers Albert Mui Advertising Manager OPEN Matt Vargo Administrative Assistant Erin Parker Tim Ekl Business Manager Andrew Carlson Webmaster Tom W. Most Advisor Richard House

The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. THREE DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Office (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, December 5, 2008 NEWS 3 A week of break, hours of stories

Noel Spurgeon S t a f f W r i t e r

Although an enormous Thanksgiving dinner is the most common highlight of the quarter break, not all students spend their days in a trypto- phan-induced coma. Break is a time for many things: reunit- ing with old friends, participat- ing in sports, recovering from exam week, or simply basking in the glory of ten days without Andrew Carlson/Rose Thorn homework. Below are just a few of their stories. From left to right: Evan Cornell, freshman electrical engineering student; Christine Price, junior software engineering student; Mike Rooney, soph- omore mechanical engineering student; and Samantha Ellerman, freshman chemical engineering student. Evan Christine Mike Samantha As You Cornell Price Rooney Ellerman Like It For Evan, break was a time to re- For her break, Christine visited Over the quarter break, Mike Family drama happens at ev- lax. After leaving Rose-Hulman a Helen, Georgia, with her father’s participated in an event known ery Thanksgiving celebration, little after midnight, he arrived in side of the family. Helen, which “at- as the “South Jersey Bike Polo but it is the rare Thanksgiving in for Rose Milan, Ohio, just as his parents were tempts to resemble a small Bavar- Thanksgiving Extravaganza.” which law enforcement needs leaving for work, and proceeded to ian town … with more knickknack Bike polo is an little-known sport to become involved. However, sleep until 2:30 in the afternoon. shops and American tourists” is played all over the United States this is exactly what happened to students The adjustment from Rose to home home to the Black Forest Bear Re- with fixed-gear or free-wheel bi- Sam. Before dinner, her cousin was something of a shock for Evan, serve. For a small fee, she was able cycles and polo sticks made from accidentally locked her keys in who, upon waking up “staggered to both “marvel at the majesty of ski poles and PVC pipe. Teams the car along with her one-year- around confused, because there seven or eight different types of consist of three people, and inju- old daughter. She had an extra and staff was no pressing need to complete bears … [and] … observe man’s ries are “fairly common.” How- set of keys, but she had locked any calculus or physics homework.” superiority to beasts and … our ever, time-outs cannot be called those in the car as well. “I live in Carly Baehr He used his time off before Thanks- ability to enslave [them] in small- and an injured person cannot a little town,” says Sam, “so there Copy Editor giving to meet up with old friends, ish concrete enclosures.” She pur- be helped until a goal is scored, were no cops on duty. We called and Thanksgiving to get together chased a tray of cut-up apples and “which makes bike polo more the sheriff’s office and no one On Wednesday evening, the with nearly thirty members of his bagels, and had a simply splendid of an extreme sport than you’d wanted to leave their families. National Players came to Hat- family. Although his house was time throwing the food down to the think.” While playing, Mike was So we called 911, and then the field for their 60th anniversary busy, Evan managed to sleep most bears. Some bears “would stand hit in the face with the polo ball at state trooper showed up at the tour. They performed Shake- of Thanksgiving Day, as well as after on two feet to get your attention, “about fifty miles an hour, after my house to get the screaming child speare’s comedy As You Like It, dinner. He enjoyed having the time while others climbed on the pro- brother decided to backhand it. It out of the car. Instead of going exclusively for Rose-Hulman to rest and relax, something that vided climbing objects to shorten was one of those little round plas- inside to eat delicious food, there students, faculty and staff. The he has not experienced since start- the distance between themselves tic hockey balls, so it hurt a lot.” In were forty of us standing out in National Players have performed ing at Rose. After Thanksgiving, and the food, which was, to their addition to the main event, there the cold waiting for the cops to in 35 states and 10 countries though, Evan began to miss Rose- disappointment, never human was also a cookout at the Extrava- show up.” Fortunately, her cous- since the group was founded in Hulman and his friends here. He flesh.” To Christine, her memo- ganza, where Mike and his friends in’s daughter was retrieved safe 1949, and they are a program was overjoyed to be back until his rable experience feeding the bears and family “got to eat a lot of de- and sound, and no one else was of the Olney Theater Center for first calculus class on Monday, at is proof that Georgia is “somehow licious food, which was good.” locked in the car over the course the Arts in Maryland. As many which point the love-hate relation- capable of hosting more than fun- Despite his facial pain, Mike thor- of the Ellermann Family Thanks- may remember, they performed ship with school resumed. ny accents.” oughly enjoyed himself. giving. Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night in Hatfield Hall last year and Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Be- ing Earnest in 2007. Princeton chemists: Proteins As You Like It is a story of humor and romance set in the Forest of Arden, to which may guide evolution a Duke has been exiled by his Aaron Hosios membranes, and the result- ment. British biologist Alfred Wallace, usurping younger brother. His T h e Daily Princeto - ing potential-energy gradient “The discovery answers an age- did. daughter, Rosalind, is banished n i a n is used to produce ATP. What is old question that has puzzled Wallace, a contemporary of as well soon after the start of remarkable is that the strength biologists since the time of Dar- Darwin, independently reached the play, and flees with her Princeton researchers have of the gradient has a direct rela- win,” Chakrabarti said. “How can similar conclusions about evo- cousin Celia (daughter of the discovered a molecular mecha- tionship to an organism’s fitness, organisms be so exquisitely com- lution, but Darwin ultimately usurping brother) and the fool nism that may play a determin- and a stronger gradient allows plex, if evolution is completely is better remembered through- Touchstone. The three of them, ing role in an organism’s evolu- more ATP to be produced, ac- random, operating like a ‘blind out history because, following with Rosalind dressed as a man tion, according to a recent study cording to the study. watchmaker’?” collaboration between the two called Ganymede and Celia un- that examined the evolution of The ETC’s ability to take elec- Darwin, who published “On the men, it was the work of Darwin der the name Aliena, turn up proteins in the electron trans- trons—its redox potential—has Origin of Species by Means of Nat- that was published. in the forest where Rosalind’s port chain (ETC). no direct relationship to fitness, ural Selection” in 1859, hypoth- Wallace proposed the possi- father lives. There they meet “What we have found is that but it exhibited evolutionary esized that species evolve as a re- bility that systems within organ- Orlando, who had fallen in love certain kinds of biological struc- trends as if it did. The research- sult of external pressures through isms had developed the ability with Rosalind before her ban- tures exist that are able to steer ers studied this effect by induc- natural selection. He posits that to monitor themselves and keep ishment, and “Ganymede” of- the process of evolution toward ing mutations in the ETC pro- organisms with more advanta- their development in check, fers to instruct him in the art improved fitness,” chemistry teins that altered their redox geous traits are more likely to sur- drawing comparisons to the of wooing, in the absence of professor Herschel Rabitz said potential, and they found that, vive and contribute their genes to centrifugal governor that keeps Rosalind. in a university statement. “The over time, proteins were able to subsequent generations. steam engines functioning prop- The set for Wednesday’s per- data just jumps off the page and correct these mutations such One of the major criticisms of erly through what is now known formance was simple, with implies we all have this wonder- that they were operating func- evolutionary theory, however, is as feedback control. a circular wooden backdrop ful piece of machinery inside tionally again. that the development of intricate What remains for future re- and wood and paper pillars that’s responding optimally to The researchers mathemati- structures, such as eyes, cannot search to determine is the actual onto which were projected leaf evolutionary pressure.” cally analyzed the behavior of be the result of a gradual accu- mechanism by which the pro- shapes during forest scenes. Rabitz and university re- proteins in which mutations had mulation of random mutations. teins are able to counter muta- The costuming was updated to searchers Raj Chakrabarti, Sta- been induced and found trends The group’s research suggests tions to their structure, accord- give a more modern feel to the cey Springs and George McLen- that indicated that proteins that even at the protein level, in- ing to the study. Nevertheless, a play; in the scenes set in the for- don focused their efforts on ETC could control their own evolu- trinsic characteristics can help significant discovery has already est, especially, the clothes were proteins, which are responsible tion by preventing errors from steer the evolution of an organ- been made. While natural selec- colorful and fit the personalities for producing adenosine tri- accumulating and becoming le- ism, “creat[ing] order out of ran- tion acts from the outside and of the characters well. phosphate (ATP), the energy thal. domness,” Chakrabarti said. guides the evolution of species, The National Players continue currency used by cells. This observation has implica- Though Darwin’s theory of internal factors may play an their 08-09 tour with As You Like The ETC uses electrons to al- tions for the entire field of evo- evolution did not predict this equally important role. It and an adaptation of Orwell’s ter the concentrations of ions on lutionary biology, Chakrabarti internal monitoring ability, a re- Proteins, it turns out, can steer 1984. either side of the mitochondrial explained in a university state- lated theory, proposed by fellow their own evolution. 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn A soul legend returns to the top: Twilight: an exercise in Al Green’s “Lay It Down” not screaming “Boo!”

Ben Collins It isn’t the same Al Green style have lost along the way. Eli Baca tionally and irrevocably” in love Entertainment from years before, but it’s a The album as a whole flows Staff Writer with Edward Cullen. The lines E d i t o r similar quality. Al Green’s vocals well with this more natural adapted from the book feel bland haven’t died but have become style. It almost goes by too fast Adapted from the popular book and forced, and while some of the There has always been a fine richer with age and show the considering the album is over by Stephenie Meyer, Twilight chemistry between the two leads line in R&B, a line that distin- same fiery emotion as he had in forty minutes long. It may not serves up a nice book-to-movie is good, most of the movie is an guishes good, if not timeless, be meant to be background mu- transition and manages to satisfy awkward mess. music, from the cliché music. sic, but it easily fills the position most of the series’ loyal fans—for With a budget of only $37 mil- This isn’t uncommon in other with mellow vocals and music. now. Paramount Pictures’ MTV lion dollars, and an extensive use genres but R&B has seen so The accompanying music Films originally picked up the of hand-held cinematography, many great artists that there contains some of the great- production rights for Twilight, Twilight the movie is out of place is seemingly little new ground est talent in the industry but but due to a poor screenplay in today’s movie world. The com- to cover. It is especially hard they don’t outshine the star. and subsequent turnaround, the puter generated graphics (CGI) for returning megastars, like Al With simple driving beats from newly risen Summit Entertain- used in Twilight makes the vam- Green, to really show off some- “?uestlove,” seasoned guitar ment picked up the rights and pires blurry and over-the-top, thing new without sounding out work from Chalmers Alford, started the fi lm adaptation anew. and the action sequences seem of fashion. and Adam Blackstone’s fun bass In the summer better suited for Over the last decade, many riffs, the backing music is some of 2007, Cath- a direct-to-DVD of his releases have been strad- of the best I’ve ever heard on an erine Hard- movie then a dling the line between good and www.amazon.com Al Green album and it gives the wicke (Lords “pop culture bland if not falling directly into music a younger, more current of Dogtown, phenomenon” bland. In fact, Al Green hasn’t the seventies. The lyrics are also feel. Thirteen) was like Twilight. had a truly good album since more mature, still about love This was a definite winning hired to direct A classic his greatest hits in the late sev- and affection, but they contain formula for Al Green, and it is and Melissa scene from the enties. With this latest release, almost a sense of satisfaction one of his better albums. With R o s e n b e r g book where however, he has made a major and reflection on the love he has. this new step late in his career, (Dexter, Step fans fell in love change as he has reached out to It’s a cherished love, not young it shows there is still something Up) to write a with Edward producer and contributing art- rebellious love that his previ- great left in this R&B legend. script. was in the for- ist Ahmir “?uestlove” Thompson ous works have proclaimed. It’s The story est where Bella and apparently it has brought Al actually a look at the man that Reviewer rating: 4 elephants of Twilight is sees him for Green back from the line. Al Green is now, and it shows a a classic ro- the fi rst time in In a word, the music is good. more natural feel that he must mance with direct sunlight, a twist—Isa- and he sparkles bella Swan, as if made from or Bella, falls billions of dia- www.twilightthemovie.com The End League: an experiment in love with a Edward and Bella hold one an- monds. This tall, dark, and other lustfully. Later, the movie scene ends up h a n d s o m e still went downhill. destroyed by boy, Edward Hardwicke and into the cliché and overused Cullen. The twist? Edward is a the group—giving Robert Pat- vampire whose thirst for Bella’s tinson some shimmer lotion for blood is only slightly less than his a bit of shine and leaving fans Eli Baca but manages to bring a new cre- love for her. Twilight, the novel, is with creepy camera angles mak- Staff Writer ativity and new ideas to the epic told from Bella’s perspective and ing the scene less romantic and good vs. evil battle. portrays Edward as the ultimate more awkward. The sexual ten- In a time when Evil has pre- However well the comic works Adonis, while Bella is just your sion between the two is fi erce at vailed and enslaved all man- together, it’s still not enough to average, no-personality klutz. times—especially during the fi rst kind, only one group of heroes keep up with other superhero Kristen Stewart (Panic Room, kiss where, holy crap, Bella’s just stands between them and com- league stories, and is really too Into the Wild) plays Bella oppo- got a t-shirt and boy shorts on plete world domination—The scattered at this point to get site Robert Pattinson (Harry Pot- and Edward’s trying not to liter- End League. Good usually tri- good enough press. Entering a ter and the Goblet of Fire) who ally devour her—but also leaving umphs over evil, but this time, story at a random point in time plays the vampire, Edward. the audience cringing at times— the League’s members are drop- seems like the cool thing to do The movie, for all intents and like the rest of the movie. ping like fl ies as one of the most nowadays, but The End League purposes, was bad. For the die- Despite several fl aws and fl y- powerful villains plans to take is struggling to make everything hard “Edward Cullen can bite me ing bad opinions, Summit Enter- control of the universe, and it come together in a way that anytime” fans, Twilight the movie tainment has stated they will be seems only a miracle will be able keeps readers interested—lines was a good adaptation of the making the following book in the to save humanity. from the comic like “you com- book—because fans could fi ll in series, New Moon, and Rosen- Created by Rick Remender and plete me” and heroes like Sol- the blanks and awkward silences berg has reportedly been already Mat Broome, The End League dier American are an almost sad that the movie was bursting with. working on the adaptation. For can be viewed as a new-age team attempt to take the best from The movie is fast paced at the those hardcore to Twilight, or of heroes that have dealt with so www.darkhorse.com other comics and put them to- wrong times and tries to portray “Twi-hards,” the movies mean much pain, death, and betrayal The last hurrah of the superheroes gether in a cool new story. a romance with a twisted movie something to look forward to in that it’s really no surprise the left in the world. Sweet, there are The End League has a good montage that might leave some the future and a hope that all four villains of the world are about to only a few left! story, and strong artists, but movie-goers sick. Trying to adapt books in the series will get adapt- obliterate them. The world as we with overused icons the series a fi rst-person book into a third ed. For those that haven’t read the know it has become one where them tight and not over sizing just isn’t A-List material, and, person movie is tough, but the books, hope for a better produc- the most powerful villains con- them. The detail of the comic much like the League them- movie barely even tried. tion company to pick it up and a trol their own areas, much like gives a real feel to it, and gives selves, needs a little help. Kristen Stewart’s voice- better director to take control. gangs, and rule with an iron Canete a nice place to take the overs can be heard maybe fi ve fi st—controlling what gets in, characters. Canete’s style is Reviewer rating: 2 elephants times—only letting us into Bella’s Reviewer rating: 1 elephants and out—and seek to create the much more pencil-y and takes thoughts a very few times, and “perfect world” for themselves. the emotions of the characters then suddenly Bella is “uncondi- Packed with tyrannical psycho- to the extremes. The reality of paths and overly-noble super- Broome’s art is swiftly gone as heroes, The End League takes the dark cartoons of Canete try the best of other hero stories to kill each other—leaving the and creates a new universe that reader pleasantly surprised with is oddly enjoyable. the change of pace. The series started with Mat The story is choppy at best, Broome as the artist, but in the but fl ows well as a bigger pic- middle of The End League #4, ture—the many stories created Eric Canete took over the art du- by Remender all have multiple ties, as Broome went to Marvel layers that have yet to unfold, Games: Movies: Music: Comics. The contrast between and the writing is appropriate the two artists serves to provide for each character. From the Prince of Persia Australia Busta Rhymes a break in the story line—our old-time Western Prairie Ghost B.O.M.B. heroes have managed to stay to the villainous Dead Lexing- Mirror’s Edge Transporter 3 alive, at least for now, and there ton to the ultimate noble hero, is still hope, especially with the Soldier American, each person Left 4 Dead Cadillac Records 50 Cent many inspirational speeches— in the story is a very stereotypi- Before I but with the change in the artist cal genre character. Remender Banjo Kazooie: Punisher: War Zone Self-Destruct come many more villains plot- gets the lunatic villain together Nuts & Bolts ting to destroy the League. with the dark and brooding anti- Frost/Nixon Broome’s art brings the char- hero in a story that has so many acters into reality—keeping clichés it’s almost over-the-top, Friday, December 5, 2008 LIVING 5 Companionship

Cari Harper them. Robovski (or Robrovski) small pets in pairs. It is difficult to Layout Manager hamsters are small enough to determine the gender of gerbils, be dropped down a BSB shower hamsters and mice, and it is better It’s winter quarter, and the so- drain, and are extremely quick. to take the extra expense of a sec- cial isolation from cold and home- Hamsters live two to three years ond cage for your roommate’s pet work have finally seeped into your with proper care, which is as sim- than to risk a plethora of unwanted bones. You’re a Rose- Hulman stu- ple as fresh water, a chewing , babies, or injuries due to fighting. dent so the dating pool is woefully exercise wheel, a properly bal- If small furry rodents are not small (for guys at least), but how anced diet, and a clean cage. This your thing, there are a variety of else can you get companionship is about an hour and a half of care reptiles, fish, and amphibians for for the cold winter nights filled weekly. Some of the disadvantages the choosing. Betta fish are excel- with ConApps? Low-maintenance of hamsters are their smell, their lent low-maintenance pets which pets are one possible solution. nocturnal habits (though if you only require a bowl of water (cov- One of the most obvious choices are an SE or CPE that might be an ered to prevent their “jumping” is a hamster. There are several spe- advantage), and their escape-art- out) and daily feeding. Their water cies of hamsters (all of which qual- ist escapades. If their cage is not does require changing on a weekly ify as flushable) each with unique completely secure you’ll have your basis, to be changed out for either properties as pets. The larger fancy room torn apart trying to catch distilled water, or tap water that hamster can be a docile pet with them. has been let to “set” for a few days. proper handling, and may be let Gerbils and mice are similar They are not extremely active pets, out and handled without a run- to hamsters in terms of care and unless another betta is placed in ning ball under close supervision. longevity, though they are not as another tank nearby. The males http://www.rfadventures.com/ Siberian dwarf hamsters are ap- prone to seeking freedom. A gerbil (usually the only gender sold in proximately half the size of the that has recently gained popularity stores) will flare at each other in fancy hamster, and tend to have a is the fat-tailed gerbil, also known aggression, or even your finger if sarily an elaborate one) can go sev- require feeding of mice or rats (de- slightly less agreeable disposition, as the Duprasi gerbil. One thing you put it close to the tank. You eral weeks without cleaning. For pending on the size of the snake) “boxing” your fingers if you bother to be cautious of is getting these can tell if your betta fish is happy engineers such as us the puzzle of once a week, preferably not the under your care by the amount of constructing such a structure with one belonging to your roommate. bubbles they produce at the top proper foliage, humidity, tempera- Like other reptiles, a snake’s enclo- New week: Pizza of the tank, this construction is a ture, and lighting should be half sure requires virtually no mainte- nest intended for mating. Betta the enjoyment of this pet. Frogs are nance. fish have a life-span of about two more long-lived than betta fish or If you simply cannot care for a reviews! to three years. hamsters, so make sure you’re will- pet, plants can help you work to Another colorful option is the ing to take care of them for several overcome your black thumb. Pets Clint Thompson better way is there to pierce the im- poison dart frog. These creatures years after college. are not for everyone, remember to S t a f f W r i t e r perial gloom of the icy skies than come in a wide variety of colors and Small snakes like ball pythons take into consideration the rigor of sharing a good meal with good patterns, and if raised in captivity are reasonably easy to care for, your studies, extra-curricular ac- It’s time to greet the winter friends? And what better college lack the toxicity that gives them though that difficulty increases tivities, and roommate when de- quarter. Some of us feel a sense of comfort food is there than a pip- their name. These frogs require over their several decade lifespan ciding on if a pet is right for you. A dread as we embark on new and ing hot pizza? That’s why the Rose daily feeding of insects and grubs along with their size and appetite. small pet can prove an invaluable uncertain academic adventures, Thorn will be reviewing local piz- your roommate might object to Small snakes are not as environ- source of entertainment and com- while others face the first weeks zerias over the next few weeks—so being in the fridge, but a properly mentally sensitive as frogs, and panionship for your remaining with excitement, anticipating the you can know what to expect next constructed vivarium (not neces- can be more readily handled. They years at Rose, and even longer. break and the company of their time you dash out with your com- families. Some may not even feel rades for a Siberian winter evening ready for the new season; but like meal. The current list includes it or not, winter is coming. With it restaurants such as La Familia comes cold weather, classes be- de Jeshua, Giovanni’s, Maurizio’s, fore the seasonal dawn, and the Ambrosini’s, and Asani’s. If you enduring dark sky. Sometimes, it’s know of a little place for a great enough to drive a student mad. pizza pie, send your suggestions Yes, winter quarter is difficult. to entertainment@rose-hulman. What is a student to do, you ask? edu and you just might see your In response, dear reader, I ask you suggestions in the paper. Happy the following two questions: what eating! The importance of exercise Daniel Fass exercise increases serotonin, S t a f f C o u n s e l o r dopamine, and norepineph- rine, which in turn improves After experiencing the ben- your mood. Similarly, antide- efits of your student recreation pressant medications like Pro- center first hand, we here at the zac increase levels of serotonin counseling center wanted to re- and norepinephrine. According mind the student body about to the Mayo Clinic, exercise can the importance of exercise and also help improve confidence its effect on your mental health. and attention and is a healthy Researchers, scientists, nutri- coping activity that can be eas- tionists, and gym rats all agree ily added to your busy schedule. that exercise can reduce a variety However, exercise also helps of mental health related prob- combat and prevent illness and lems. Specifically, and probably disease, strengthens your heart most relevant to Rose students, and lungs, helps you manage exercise has a profound effect your weight, and can be fun. So on reducing levels of anxiety hit the gym, the pool, grab an el- and depression. Researchers at liptical machine, participate in Duke University demonstrated intramural sports, lift weights, that exercising three times a or just try to walk more often. week for thirty minutes over a Take the time to do something period of four months is as ef- for yourself and your health. Ex- fective as taking antidepressant ercise is a great tool for dealing medication. Research has also with anxiety, depression, stress, shown that exercise has its big- anger, and other common men- gest impact on reducing anxiety tal and physical health prob- and depression when it is aero- lems. bic (running), done regularly, vigorously, and several times a This information is not in- week. Relevant to the night owls tended to diagnose, treat, or pre- and late night studiers, exercise vent any disease or disorder. Nor has also been shown to promote is it intended to replace a con- more restful sleep. sultation with a mental health Many scientists believe that provider. 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn A better Thanksgiving seriously. Mark Minster

Christine Price there for two hours?” Well… shrimp. But with my extended Imagine a small, selective col- Nothing wrong with any of Opinions Editor yes, I could. With the right com- family? I love them, but it just lege in the Midwest of America. these traits, mind you, nor has pany. My “206” friends, or cer- wouldn’t be the same. It’s not a college, exactly, but a this demographic always re- Many people agree that Rose- tain friends from high school, And this, I believe, is the highly specialized institution sulted from intentional selec- Hulman is like a family. But I or some of my AOII sisters, or problem. Once I’m working, I’ll of higher learning that excels at tion. But unless the school will- can’t help but wonder, will I see some of the random wonderful have few holidays. And there’s what it specializes in, winning ingly, gratefully, actively, and many of my family members af- people that inhabit this school. a good chance that many of awards, attracting a certain joyfully opens itself in each of ter I graduate? This break, those holidays will be spent kind of exceptional mind. these categories, poverty and I had a nice time with my seeing family. True, I may Locate this institution in con- stagnation await. The world is father’s side of the family at visit a friend every once in text. It’s on the edge of an old wide, as employers know. Mem- my grandmother’s house in a while. But while it is easy river town that got punched bers of a community that reflect Georgia. During many holi- to plan a family reunion at, in the face by Prohibition four that wideness are more valued day breaks, we at least stop say, Thanksgiving or Christ- score and eight years ago, and prospects than graduates who by a relative’s house, and I mas, when does one plan a is still reeling from the blow: do not, who cannot. suspect we are not unique in friend reunion, once we are more people lived in this town What’s tricky about this? The this respect. And this, I be- scattered to the winds? True, in 1920 than do in 2008. One in college has to decide, for its lieve, needs to change. there is always Homecom- five residents lives below the own best interest, to become a Don’t get me wrong, fam- ing, but it has a few distinct poverty line. One in five. little different than it has been, ily is great. They share my disadvantages: it’s in Terre The poverty and stagnation of to become a little more than it genes, and thus have an in- Haute, and it doesn’t last the town don’t take away from has been. The pursuit of excel- trinsic interest in my well be- very long. the excellence of the college, lence demands the pursuit of ing, because if I survive and So, I think there should be but they do lend its excellence diversity. There’s nothing p.c. or procreate, then their genetic a new rule. Instead of having a poignancy, and imbue many namby-pamby about saying so. material is spread, and they every Thanksgiving with the of its graduates, colleagues, The only alternative is poverty succeed at life, in a way. On folks, we as a nation should and employees with a sense of and stagnation, for which cau- the other hand, friends just decide to have Thanksgivings responsibility for those less for- tionary tales are close at hand. plain rock. During a day trip on odd numbered years be for tunate (if it’s fortune that im- www.sanfranciscosentinel.com to Helen, some family mem- friends, and Thanksgivings poverishes people). And that re- Does the teen boy on the left look evil to bers stayed at a restaurant to on even numbered years be sponsibility is a good thing, one you? wait for the town to turn on for family. Or Thanksgivings of the school’s great virtues. its Christmas lights, while the on years divisible by three be It shouldn’t be too hard to rest of us retired to grandma’s We could talk about spider guns, for family, and years that are not imagine, now, that this college house. One relative comment- reasons we are unfit to have chil- be for family. Because it makes also wants to avoid being afflict- ed, “Could you imagine sitting dren, and the mythical bacon- perfect sense. ed with poverty and stagnation Have opinions? itself. To keep winning awards, to keep attracting exceptional Send them to people, it needs to ensure that its own population doesn’t go opinions@ Logo fail down, and that valued employ- ers keep hiring its graduates. rose-hulman.edu Hobey Tam scuffs on the shoes, unpressed ity running rampant on this cam- Here’s where it gets a little Staff Writer dress clothes, ink on the hands, pus and the elephant popping tricky. Historically, most of the bad breath, bad posture, etc., in through the whole makes viewers members of the college’s com- Since the good old days in the interviewers’ eyes all con- truly fear the engineer. Looking munity have been straight, preschool and all through grade vey a weak individual that does at other prestigious institutions white, relatively affluent Chris- school, we were told not to judge a not deserve their time. The new such as Harvard, Stanford, Johns tian males from the Midwest. book by its cover. We were repeat- abomination on the banners all Hopkins, West Point, Cal Tech, edly told to get to know someone over campus metaphorically rep- and others, all exhibit bold faced before we passed judgment on resents all these traits. It is thin, lettering. Italics and sine waves them. This is yet again another wavy, and uncreative. It is weak, are nonexistent. childhood lie to make our However, the new logo is lives easier. A company only only a symptom of an age Poor McCain judges on first impressions. old problem—communica- Sid Ulrich If your resume is flawed in tion and compromise be- a respectable campaign. any way, they automatically The old logo was tween a governing body and Guest Writer In recent years, the GOP has dismiss you. They pick up on the masses. Administration lost sight of its respectable con- everything. Our answers only broad, bold, and paid a professional designer I feel bad for John McCain. servative-minded base, and re- account for so much—the to design a logo (1st mistake: Not because he lost, after all, focused on a Larry-the-Cable- presentation, framing, and bared the the tradi- they could have easily had a I spent much of the past year Guy type constituency. Don’t mannerisms we exhibit ul- competition with the student working to ensure his loss. In- mistake my words, I don’t in- timately make or break us. “ body and received dozens stead, I feel bad for him be- tend to insinuate that holding tional colors—it had Keeping this in mind, let us of better designs). Over the cause of the people he had to conservative values is synony- move onto the issue of de- the retro look with a summer, they took student surround himself with in order mous with being ignorant or bate. input, but the horrible sam- to even put up a fight. When being a redneck. In fact, I have Our institution is a place modern twist. ple size was far too small, and Sen. McCain stepped up to the many intelligent friends and of solid learning, ingenuity, there was still majority op- podium on election night in co-workers who prescribe to innovation and creativity; a position. Yet we still see our November, he was prepared to conservative values. The fact is, benchmark in the engineering, not bold. The pictorial rhetoric banners bearing the new symbol give an incredibly elegant con- I have nothing but respect for math, and science industry. As and symbolism is the direct oppo- of our school. Even now, despite cession speech. He was pre- anyone who arrives at politi- Dr. Jakubowski said, “[We] are the site of what this place represents. overwhelming student, alumni pared to return to the theme cal ideals, so long as they arrive cream of the crop.” Thus, the logo I would have expected DePauw and even staff disapproval, it still he had continually focused on at them through an intelligent that symbolizes our school must or Purdue to come up with such endures all over campus. throughout his campaign and self examination of their beliefs ” and ideals. The problem is that exhibit these traits. The new logo, a logo. The administration has gone his career. His speech focused a sad attempt at contemporary The old logo was broad, bold, against one of the oldest engi- on his core values of respect the GOP is no longer centered design, is an epic fail to say the and bared the traditional colors— neering laws of time—“if it’s not and honor, and he had nothing around these intelligent con- least. There is nothing wrong with it had the retro look with a mod- broken, it doesn’t need to be but positive attitudes towards servative values, but is instead the new marketing package to put ern twist. It was representative fixed.” If you are going to change his opponent, and encouraged centered around closed mind- Rose-Hulman on the map—it’s of how Rose-Hulman stood the it, at least have consent from the his loyal supporters to join him edness and religious extrem- just that the seal and the logo are test of time and is still a leader in majority, or at least make it better. in congratulating his opponent. ism. weak. the field of engineering. The hid- In all respects, the new logo is an Sadly, Sen. McCain was not for- The GOP needs to take a good A weak Winsor knot on the tie, den “h” lends itself to the creativ- epic fail. tunate enough to be able to give long look in the mirror and ask this graceful speech to an audi- themselves where they want to ence of fellow respectable and take their party. You can throw intelligent conservatives. He away any common sense and instead was forced to address continue down the road led by a crowd that was representa- extremist morons like Sarah Letter to the editor tive of the type of people the Palin and Fred Thompson, or GOP has been overtaken by. you can hold onto the intelli- Dear Editor, Each and every respectful com- gent approach to equally con- servative values with respect- With regards to Ms. Christine Price’s opinion article, “Marriage is Love,” South Carolina removed its ment that was made towards his Democratic opponent was met able conservatives like Michael ban on inter-racial marriage a decade ago and had not enforced it since the US Supreme Court estab- Bloomberg and Bobby Jindal. lished it, and other similar bans across the South, as unconstitutional over 40 years ago. with an orchestra of derogatory slurs, hissing and booing. I dis- I probably won’t vote for you either way, but you still deserve I would ask that in an otherwise wonderful article about senseless prejudice, please do not resort to agree strongly with Sen. McCain to have a political party where misinformed stereotypes, even in jest, to bolster your argument. It does not, it undermines it. on almost every major issue, but he is a respectable politi- you can express your irrational and flawed ideas respectably. Respectfully, (Charles) Rick Stroud, class of ‘91 cian and should be able to run Friday, December 5, 2008 SPORTS 7 Engineer Scoreboard

Men’s Women’s Basketball Steven 2-3 (0-1) 2-2 (1-0)

November 20 November 21 Vande Lune Rose-Hulman 59 Rose-Hulman 41 at Blackburn College 50 vs Baruch College 54 November 22 November 22 Rose-Hulman 58 Rose-Hulman 43 vs North Carolina Wesleyan 41 vs. Mass. Inst. of Tech. 69 Tim Boyer you? (this) year of swimming. November 25 Copy Editor SVL: Longer events are really a Rose-Hulman 68 November 23 balance between physical ability RT: What’s the most meaning- at Webster University 72 ful award or recognition that Rose-Hulman 67 Senior mechanical engineer- and mental determination, and December 3 ing major Steven Vande Lune when both of these traits work to- you’ve received? vs. Rensselaer Poly. 63 has been making his mark as a gether to form a successful swim SVL: My most meaningful recog- Rose-Hulman 67 quality swimmer his past three it creates a real sense of accom- nition was receiving All-Confer- November 30 at Franklin College 55 years at Rose and has emerged plishment, more so than when ence honors my freshman year. Millikin University 49 as one of the Midwest’s top dis- a shorter event goes well. I also Being able to come in as a fresh- at Rose-Hulman 45 tance swimmers. He has earned like how there is a strategy to how man and perform so well at con- Men’s Soccer three all-league awards, includ- longer events can be swum, and ference provided me with a sense December 3 2-3 (0-1) ing a 2006 title in the 1,650- how that strategy can be used of optimism towards my ability Rose-Hulman 57 yard freestyle and is a school against the competition. to contribute to the team in the at Franklin College 67 record holder in the 500, 1,000 coming years. November 8 and 1,650-yard freestyle events. RT: Your name appears many Transylvania 0 Vande Lune is poised to con- times in the Rose-Hulman re- RT: How has participating in a Wrestling at. Rose-Hulman 1 tinue to make his mark at Rose. cord books. How does it feel to varsity sport had an effect on Vande Lune took some time have made such an impact on your experience at Rose? November 14 November 14 from his busy schedule to an- the program? SVL: Participating in swimming Wabash College 39 Rose-Hulman 1 swer some question for the The SVL: It’s really a great feeling to has given me a sense of purpose vs Rose-Hulman 9 vs. Dominican 3 Rose Thorn. not only be a part of the team, outside of the classroom. It has but also to know what a positive provided me with friendships I Rose Thorn: How long have you impact I’ve had over the years. otherwise wouldn’t have had, as Swimming and Diving been swimming? well as a chance to escape from Steven Vande Lune: I have been RT: Also, in the record book, the rigors of school for a few November 8 swimming competitively since I your name appears in many hours each night at practice. Millikin University was 6 years old. I started off swim- of the same events as Nick Lee Terre Haute, IN M-1st W-1st ming in USS age-group swim- and Adam Effi nger. Were you RT: Do you have any plans on ming, and then swam through close to them last year? How staying involved in swimming November 15 middle school and high school, did you react to the accident? after Rose? Monmouth College Invitational until progressing to swimming SVL: I think everyone on the team SVL: I don’t plan to pursue swim- Monmouth, IL M-2nd W-4th here at Rose. felt a sense of shock and loss last ming competitively after gradua- year when we learned about the tion, but I will keep swimming for RT: Some people consider long accident. My reaction was to exercise and enjoyment. After hav- November 21-22 distance swimming either bor- commit to myself that I would ing been swimming for such a large Wabash College Invitationals ing or tiring. What is it about the do my best to help keep the team portion of my life it would be nearly Crawfordsville, IN M-5th W-4th longer evens that appeals to strong as we approached the next impossible to quit it completely. Hardcourt HCAC openers Men fall despite Women come out late-game rally on top of Franklin

Rose-Hulman News the intermission. Rose-Hulman News halftime and Franklin increased neers took advantage of a 46-31 In the second half, Franklin its lead to 11 in the second half of rebounding edge and shot 46% The Rose men rallied from a pushed its lead to 45-29 on two free The women’s basketball team the conference opener for both from the fi eld in the win. 24-point second-half defi cit to throws by Catron and increased placed fi ve players in double teams. Rose-Hulman chipped Rose-Hulman improved to 2- close within 10 in the lead to 58-34 fi gures and a sixth player added away at the defi cit until closing 2 overall and 1-0 in league play, the latter stages be- midway through nine points to lead the Engineers within 47-45 with 8:33 left on a while Franklin dropped to 2-3 fore falling 67-57 at the half. A steady past Franklin College 67-55 on shot by Ridgway. overall and 0-1 in the HCAC. The Franklin College on Rose-Hulman rally Wednesday night. Rose-Hulman tied the score at Engineers host Bluffton Univer- Wednesday. brought the Engi- Sophomore Donna Marsh 49-49 on two straight baskets by sity tomorrow at 1 p.m. in anoth- Sophomore Dan- neers within 10 on led the Engineers attack with freshman Alisa Dickerson, who er league matchup. iel Lowers led the four straight points 13 points, 11 fi nished the Rose-Hulman of- and a by rebounds and evening with fense with 20 points senior Lorenzo Rice three blocked nine points, and six rebounds. in the fi nal minute. shots. eight rebounds Freshman Spencer Other key con- Junior Shay- and fi ve as- Harlan also reached tributors for the na Banet and sists. The En- double fi gures with Engineers included sophomore Eli gineers quickly 10 points on 4-6 Rice with fi ve points Baca each add- increased their from the fi eld. and four rebounds; ed 12 points for lead to six Jace Redman led freshman Terrae the Engineers. points at 59-53 three Franklin play- Hall with fi ve points Banet fi nished on a conven- ers in double fi g- and one ; 5-10 from the tional three- ures with 20 points. freshman Blake fl oor with one point play by Dustin Marshall Knotts with fi ve and Baca Marsh at the added 14 points points; and fresh- added seven 3:22 mark. and Jared Catron man Jason Haslag rebounds, sev- Rose-Hulman News Monica Pla- pitched in with 11 with four points and en assists and Sophomore Nicole Klass waits for nalp buried for the Grizzlies. three rebounds. three steals in two free throws the offense to set. Franklin jumped Rose-Hulman News Franklin im- a well rounded with 2:55 left out to a 21-8 lead Daniel Lowers tied for game proved to 3-4 over- effort. to bring Franklin within 59-55, midway through high honors with 20 points. all and 1-0 in con- Senior Liz Ridgway contrib- but the Engineers answered with the fi rst half, be- ference play with uted 11 points off the bench on eight straight points and solid fore a jumper by Harlan and fi ve the win, while Rose-Hulman 5-8 from the fi eld. Sophomore defense to earn the fi nal 67-55 Rose-Hulman News straight Lowers points brought dropped to 2-3 and 0-1 in league Rebecca Bowermaster added ca- margin of victory. the Engineers within 21-15. games. The Engineers host reer highs of 10 points and eight Heather Harper, Brittney Wil- Sophomore Donna Marsh had Rose-Hulman cut the defi cit to HCAC rival Bluffton University rebounds. son and Planalp paced Franklin 13 points with 11 rebounds and six at 29-23 before trailing 33-23 at tomorrow afternoon. The Engineers trailed 28-23 at with 10 points each. The Engi- three blocks on the night. IIX FLIPSIDE The Rose Thorn Not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Wacky prof quotes Alcoholics The Engineer’s “You’re out of the game like a fat kid in dodgeball.” — Dr. Morris, repressing demand bailout Guide to Surviving his childhood memories. James Zhou “We now know enough Holiday Shopping Laplace transforms to be Aqua Vitae, Life of the Party dangerous.” — Dr. Holder, Noel Spurgeon Professor 007. Although many sectors of American life have been hit hard in We Know Why She Wrote This... the recent recession, none stands to suffer as much as the average American drunkard, or Homo inebrio. Although these people were 1. Tempting though it may be, turning your buying voyage into a “I need a lazy Susan, inflat- once at the forefront of American culture, with such notable popular remake of American Gladiator is not a good idea. Your fellow shoppers able clown, and racquet- icons as Samuel L. Jackson, Homer Simpson, and Dick Cheney, they may look like complacent middle-aged women, but when presented ball bat.” — Dr. Nichol- have fallen from the limelight. These days, those famous alcoholics with a ten-pack of ankle socks for under five dollars, they bear a strik- son, planning to take over must contend with snakes on a plane, stupid Flanders, and interna- ing resemblance to Attila the Hun. Just stay out of the way. the world ... tional scrutiny. What’s worse in their present fates is that they can not 2. When shopping for someone of the opposite sex, take a friend even turn to alcohol to temporarily alleviate their many problems, as along for a second opinion. No matter how cool you think the 1:12 “I don’t feel like doing it, and I am God. So, I am not the recession has caused many liquor producers to drink their entire scale model of Optimus Prime with light-up eyes and transforming going to.” — Dr. Butske, stockpiles in despair and die of liver failure (also in despair). action is, your girlfriend probably won’t like it nearly as much as you praise the Butske! In response to their predicament, alcoholic lobbyists appealed do. Congress to distribute 700 billion bottles of beer, warning that with- 3. Gift certificates are your friend, especially for that family mem- “This machine produces out the alcohol, the entire country would suffer as 10% of Americans ber that you don’t particularly like. Nothing says “I appreciate your midgets with a mean di- go into withdrawal. Local Allota Alcoholics Chapter President and existence and want to avoid looking like I don’t care enough to know ameter of 30 mm.” — Dr. street corner bum, Ryan C. believes that if the government does not what you want for Christmas, even though I do” than a hunk of plastic Bryan, confusing midgets start handing out alcohol to alcoholics, the very fabric of American taken for cash value at your local department store. Gift cards for with widgets ... I think ... society could be torn apart. “Look, the American culture is based on food, books, and coffee are exceptions to this rule. Give those to people who are addicted to alcohol. The entire thing is structured so people whose company you actually enjoy. “I have nothing against hav- that most people can only function with massive amounts of alcohol 4. Label your gifts carefully. Although rare, improperly labeled gifts ing a black president. I in their systems. If the government does not help us, a lot of people have caused injuries in the past. It’s doubtful that your elderly aunt’s just wish it was Morgan are going to get hurt by their alcohol dependence. I mean, sure some heart could survive the shock of accidentally receiving a pair of fuzzy Freeman. He’s had expe- people might be forced to overcome their dependence by this alcohol handcuffs for the holidays. rience.” — Dr. Sanders. shortage, but I do not even want to try to live without something I 5. Tinfoil is not acceptable as wrapping paper. In fact, it’s not ac- Personally, I’d go with have grown so accustomed to. We [alcoholics] deserve to be bailed ceptable for wrapping anything but food. Tinfoil hamburger wrap- Samuel L. Jackson. out just as much as financial institutions and homeowners.” pers are acceptable. That Ironman costume you were planning to In related news, drunk driving accidents have dropped by 44 per- make out of Reynolds Wrap? Not so much. “That’s an interesting ques- cent, regrettable one night stands have dropped by 23 percent, and 6. If all else fails, remember that it’s the thought that counts. You tion. The short answer sales of Taco Bell after midnight have dropped by 78 percent. Oddly took time out of your busy, hectic schedule to think about them some- is, no. The real answer is, though, the amount of single “Woodsies” have increased by nearly time before 11:59 December 24th, and purchase a gift accordingly. yes.” — Dr. Mr. Carlson. 170 percent. They should feel privileged. And if they don’t? It’s fruitcake next year. I’ll take the short answer. Nick Easter — The Charles Darwin of Bunnies? “Model as a batch reactor (if you would model your body as a continuous reactor then please don’t ever drink around me.)” — Dr. Anklam with the best homework help ever.

“See, I know how to deal with students when they complain to me, ‘why did you only give me a C??’ I look them straight in the eye and say, ‘Because I don’t like you. I haven’t liked you since the first day of class.’ ” — Dr. Mason, Rose-Hulman Top Ten reasons Not just for Lawns philanthropist. “Both cheese whiz and na- palm are sticky, but they to embrace the anymore... kill you in different ways.” — Dr. Martland with the point of the week.

cold weather “My Barney color is almost Matt Melton out.” — Dr. Robinson, Meh, I’m From Chicago, This is Warm concrete and children shows expert. 11. Window sills are now an extension of your freezer. Ergo, more pizza rolls! “I always wanted an electron gun. ‘Freeze or I’ll ionize 10. Playing DDR in your room is now a viable method of temperature your head off!” — Dr. control. Morris, decaf perhaps?

9. Too busy thawing to sleep in class. “If for some reason you don’t have Maple anymore, 8. Winter activities! Snowball fights, sledding, building a snowman in you can still do this by your RA’s room… hand. Say you uninstalled Maple for … uhh … Far 7. Air conditioning is not guaranteed, but heating always is. Cry 2 ... which by the way is an excellent decision ... 6. Locking someone outside or shutting them out for a naked run just If you have a disk space got ten times better. problem and it comes down to Maple or Far 5. It’s just another reason to play video games. Or study. Or party. Cry 2, go with Far Cry” — Dr. Bryan, who will be 4. You have no choice. teaching “Dimensional Analysis of Far Cry 2” next 3. The colder it is now, the better spring quarter will be. quarter. Sign-up early.

2. The Speed Lake Passage to Subway saves about 10 minutes a trip. “Beakers and ice will be Tree Gnomes! provided. You’ll have to 1. You can’t sweat in this cold. Now you can wear the same pair of supply the vodka.” jeans for two whole weeks! Now at your local Menards! Hidy-ho Rose-Hulman, all unattributed material was faked by Matt Melton, and now, to the weather! — It looks like another cold front coming in from Olin Hall, bringing with it a small chance of homework and general annoyance this weekend. It should mix with the warm air blowing out of Moench around next Thursday, dumping copious amounts of homework for all. To the west, a blizzard is slowly moving in from Crapo, bringing with it all sorts of tests just in time for break. Grab your calculator and warm Pirates hat, it’s gonna be a doosy...