NCAA Leaves Bulldogs with Nothing
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HEHATEME Technique •Sunday, April 1, 2001 • 27 New baseball field called NCAA leaves Bulldogs with nothing By Didja Kno most was the failure of even attempt- Due to the drastic number of The capital of North Dakota ing to cover-up the activities that players that have been put on pro- ‘ludicrous’ by opponents were occurring. Campus message bation or are leaving, Coach Richt By J.E. Jones Braine spending late-night hours Tech’s quest to win four in a row boards had contact information for will be forced to start all of his red Luke, you guessed it... at the library. over the UGA Bulldogs has just be- students that wanted to help the shirt players and will have to look to “He’s always researching come a trivial task. It seems like the players pass their classes. The foot- the college campus for walk-ons just Several prominent Atlanta Stephen King,” says Tech’s As- game has already been handed over ball press guides had P.O box num- to completely fill out his roster. He businessmen, including media sistant Sports Information Di- to the Yellow Jackets in a move sim- bers listed for each player for the will have to do so for many years to mogul Ted Turner, have ridi- rector Allison George. “I know ilar to that of a forfeit. alumni, or farmers, to send money come since the school has lost al- culed Georgia Tech Athletic Di- King said that he was really up- Last week it was announced by orders. And, while at most schools most all their recruiting rights and rector David Braine for his set when they knocked down the new coach at UGA, the former there are some classes that are said are not allowed to give out any schol- decision to plow under the cur- Fulton County Stadium, and that FSU assistant coach, Mark Richt, to be only for jocks, UGA has actu- arships over the next four years. rent baseball field and build a his dream was always to play for that over three quarters of the start- ally listed such classes as “Counting While this is good news to all new one. the Braves,” said George. ing lineup will be on academic pro- 101: Football Players Only” and Tech fans there is a negative side. Many prominent Atlantians One of the few supporters bation for the duration of the 2001 “Rocks For Jocks.” This may hurt Tech’s strength of figure that Braine, who has helped for Braine has been Baseball football season. This also includes It was also revealed that many of schedule over the next few years. bring Tech sports to new levels Coach Danny Hall. almost half of the second and third the current players were never even And in a controversial rating sys- during his current tenure, has “As long as he doesn’t build a strings. In fact every scholarship play- eligible for college play. Many of tem the points lost by what will simply lost his mind. football field, I’m for it,” Hall er will be eliminated from next years the players had sub-500 SAT scores most undoubtedly be a terrible bull- “I was buying some seed for said in a recent news conference. play. and many others had never even dogs record could hurt the Jackets my flowers at Wal-Mart when According to Hall, Braine will After investigations at fellow SEC taken the test. Because of this and chances for any BCS game. How- Braine asked me if he ever heard tear down the outfield fence and schools Alabama and Kentucky, the the loss of their scholarships, many ever no matter how well the Jackets voices,” says Buckhead resident will simply grow corn along the NCAA investigators headed to Geor- players have been forced to drop do next year they will be able to Elton John, “When I gave him a border instead. Braine could not gia because of a tip made by a per- out of school. A few of which are count on an easy last regular season weird look, he tried to play it off be reached for comment on his son claiming to be George P. Burdell. considering entering the struggling game against what will be a team by saying the sounds were from throw-back decision. Officials stated that once at UGA XFL. Also due to the current cir- that resembles a peewee league team. his tractor and that some two- As construction begins, many they saw more violations than at cumstances the few good players Now, if those NCAA investigators in-one oil should do it.” neighboring business owners have any school they had investigated in remaining eligible have started con- would just go down to Tallahassee “I learned that look from Em- started to put up lawn chairs along the past. What baffled them the sidering entering the NFL draft early. and investigate those “criminoles.” inem. He gave me that look at Fowler Street and watch the the Grammy’s,” added John. progress. Braine, who has been heard “Your plowing under your best telling wild stories of former Tech field ‘ya damn fool,” said cur- “Don’thurtme.” baseball stars Kevin Brown and rent Brave Chipper Jones. Nomar Garciaparra to his young Braine, who has not responded daughter at the local lumberyard, to the critism as of yet, has been has never done anything out of heard saying to himself “If I build “Comesaveme.” the ordinary in his lifetime ac- it, he will come.” cording to several close friends. “I think he might be talking “I know he tried to like Citar about the Oscar-Meyer Weiner music during the 60’s, but I don’t mascot that came to Tech games,” technique think he ever got attached to it,” said baseball media contact Chris betterthanbeer. said Tech Football Coach George Capo. “I know he loved that guy.” O’Leary. Braine was not available for Many of his friends have seen comment. "That they were able to do it is proof that highly 28 • Sunday, April 1, 2001 • Technique HEHATEME Ventura from page 30 like you are a mature, responsible adult. It’s also very cold in Minne- sota. I think that I’m going to resign as Governor so I can move to Geor- gia and enjoy the warm water.” Durham left Tech to take over play-by-play duties for the Univer- sity of Hawaii. Ventura’s gruff voice will be very different from Durham’s flowing style. One thing is certain, we can “Smell What The Braine Is I am the sports editor. Cooking” with this hire. I like random boxes. Song from page 32 I like Mexico. hated players in intramural history. “The guy wrote Babul on the I like tomatoes. back of his t-shirt and runs around saying he has a ‘killer-j’ so obviously I love the technique. he is talking about Shaun Fein,” said Kevin Hartman, a teammate of Grisham’s on the Baller, Shot-Call- technique By Carrie Chin / STUDENT PUBLICATIONS ers team. “Yeah, they are both white join me. tuesdays. 7 pm This crazed fan ran out on the field during last week’s baseball game with Kent State and after being and tall, but their games are totally apprehended by team players and coaches was asked his name, to which he could only answer “Jelly.” different.” technique: behind the scenes “I’ve done bath- room.” “This darkroom isn’t big enough for the both of us” “I am not a teen idol!” “He is too a teen idol!” ~John Hall Wheelock HEHATEME Technique •Sunday, April 1, 2001 • 29 Expansion plans include installation of Slurpee machines By Bob Jones ing to drink, I couldn’t afford a No, it’s not my university/ Coke or water or something,” said student Mary Lander. After the in- In a Thursday press conference cident concern spread rapidly among Athletic Director Dave Braine an- administrators. nounced that the expansion of Bobby “I couldn’t believe something like Dodd Stadium would include the that could happen at Bobby Dodd, installation of Slurpee machines in I knew we needed to take immedi- the student sections. The move came ate action,” said President Wayne after Braine signed an agreement Clough, “I just wanted to find some- with Slurpee baron 7-Eleven. thing that made the students hap- Student reaction was overly pos- py.” Clough’s team sprung into itive. Third-year mechanical engi- action immediatly, the group took neering major Frank Thomas said, a quick survey of students in the “That’s great! I love cherry; it’s my physics lab and found that the Slurpee favorite.” Second-year Materials was the Tech student’s beverage of Science major Tom Julian added, choice. “I like to watch the wheely thing “I’ve spent my whole life trying spin, I’m glad I’ll have something to find the perfect beverage,” stu- to do.” dent Matt Bryan commented, “I’ve Some students expressed con- settled on the Slurpee and am hap- cern with the presence of the ma- py to see that they will install ma- chines in the stands, Goody chines at the stadium.” Tooshoos said, “What if some fra- What remains to be seen is if ternity boys put liquor in the ma- Facilities employees will be able to chine?” keep the machines fully full of the The agreement came after sever- sugar syrup that we know and love. al students passed out in the after- “I don’t know if its possible, I bet By Daniel Uhlig / STUDENT PUBLICATIONS noon heat during this past year’s those students can suck down some Ahh, the land of milk and honey, the nectar of the gods, the sweet taste of a Slurpee.