The Kinship Parenting Toolbox

A unique guidebook for the kinship care parenting journey

Edited by Kim Phagan-Hansel

EMK Press • Warren, New Jersey The Unexpected Role 2 More Than Stand-Ins: Real Parents and Real Struggles Karen J Foli, PhD, RN 6 Raising A Grandson Stephen Fisher 8 Seven Tips for New Caregivers Alison O’Donnell Caliendo 13 From A Satin Duvet to a Washable Bed Spread Phyllis Stevens 16 Kinship Toolbox Jan Wagner 18 To Grandmother’s House We Go: At the Intersection of Kinship Care and Foster Care Ron Huxley, LMFT and Catie Hargrove, MS 21 A Hard Road Anonymous 23 Kinship Care: the History of A Name Eileen Mayers Pasztor, DSW Getting Organized 26 Ten Things Kinship Caregivers Need Allison Davis Maxon, MS, LMFT 29 Relatives and Kin Raising Children: What Are Some of the Needs of These Caregivers? Beth Powell, LCSW 31 Kinship Care for a Son’s Brother Tonya Barker 34 Asking Others for Help Beth Powell, LCSW 36 Kinship Care of Ryan Dorrie Riley – need Bio 40 Keeping Track: Help! Information Needed! Andrea B. Smith, PhD and Linda L. Dannison, PhD 44 Glossary of Acronyms Used by Social Service Departments Compiled by Angie Hurley Your Legal Toolbox 46 Formal Vs. Informal Kinship Care Jan Wagner 49 Legal Relationship Options Generations United 51 The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) Janna Annest, JD 54 Basic Etiquette for Courtroom Attendance Andrea B. Smith, PhD and Linda L. Dannison, PhD 55 A Simplified Lower State Court Structure 56 See You in Court: Tips for Preparing Kids for their Adoption Finalization Beth O’Malley, MEd 57 Common Court Language 59 Kinship Care: A Child’s Home Away from Home Melissa D. Carter, JD, Christopher E. Church, Esq.,and Thomas B. Hammond, JD 63 Grandparenting a Teenager Sherry Howard Your Financial Toolbox 68 Financial Resources for Relative Caregivers Generations United 72 Financial Planning Claudia Mott 75 Danger Signals in Money Management 76 Kinship Care Finances Shay Olivarria 79 Joiyah Suzette Brown Our Changing Family 82 Kinship Care and Strings Attached Kim Combes, LBSW, MEd 84 The Complex Relationships of KinCare Mary-Jo Land, CPT, CDDP 85 I Just Want My Mommy Jan Wagner 87 Tips for Dealing with Your Adult Child Andrea B. Smith, PhD and Linda L. Dannison, PhD 88 Visitation Tips Andrea B. Smith, PhD and Linda L. Dannison, PhD 89 “What is in a Name?” Madeine Krebs, LCSW-C 92 Grandmother to Michael Donna Oxford 93 Begin With Kin But Honor the Bond James Kenny, PhD, and Lori Groves 95 Sometimes I Miss My Mom Jan Wagner 96 Kinship Families and Kids May Pay High Price If Allegations Happen Jodee Kulp Guilt, Shame, & Love 100 Emotional Rollercoaster Betty Hanway 102 Letting Go Jan Wagner 103 What to Do When You are Mom to Your Child’s Mom Jan Wagner 105 “Grand” Parenting Noelle Hause, EdD, LPC 107 I Can Not Give Away That Which is Not Mine to Give Juli Alvarado 108 Kinship Care: A Journey Through Sorrow Amy Radtke, MA 110 Life with Charles Lynda Hickok 114 The Safety Net of Kinship Care Amy Radtke, MA Perspective of the Child 118 From a Child’s View Lee Sperduti 119 A Traumatized Child’s Hierarchy of Needs Beth Powell, LCSW 122 Kinship Adoption: Family Provides Vital Information Carol Lozier, LCSW 125 Tara’s Story Anonymous 127 The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Kinship Parenting Rhonda Sciotino 130 Family Finding Fulfilling our promise Matt V Anderson, MSW 133 Kinship- Finding Our Place in the Circle Sandy White Hawk 138 Two Worlds Anonymous Finding Support 140 United We Stand…Divided We Fall Keeping Sucessful Partnerships When Sharing Other’s Children Jodee Kulp 142 Kinship in California Juline Aguilar 145 Understanding Respite Stacey Leidner 148 Kinship Support Group Debbie Willett 150 Self- Care for Kinship Caregivers Carol Lozier, LCSW 152 Making Time to Take Care of You Sue Badeau 155 How Two Determined Texas Moms Created a Non-Profit Organization to Help Relatives and Kin Who Are Raising Children Beth Powell, LCSW 156 10 Ways to Happiness 157 Foster Care and Kinship Family Transitions John DeGarmo, PhD, EdD 159 HALOS Kinship Care Program Kim Clifton Parenting Children from Tough Starts 164 “Smart Enough” Parenting Sue Badeau 167 Red Flags List 169 Sensory Integration: What it Is and How to Help Barbara Elleman, OTR/L, BSP 171 Suggestions for Activities for Children with Dysfunction of Sensory Integration 172 Healing Loss in the Traumatized Child Ellen Singer, LCSW-C 176 Chronological vs Developmental Age Kate Oliver, MSW, LCSW-C 179 Hidden Differences Shout Loudly Jodee Kulp 184 LIFE LINKS: Transitioning Children with Less Trauma Jennifer Winkelmann, MA, LPC, NCC 188 In the Beginning Jan Wagner 189 Sexual Abuse: How to Get (and Give) Help! Amy Lang, MA 192 To be concerned? Or Not to be concerned? That is the Question Noelle Hause, EdD, LPC Understanding Attachment 198 Attachment 101 Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD 202 Ten Ways to Help Children Feel Less Anxious Martha Straus, PhD and Melanie Ernoud, MA 207 LOVE is Spelled T-I-M-E Andrea B. Smith, PhD and Linda L. Dannison, PhD 208 P.L.A.C.E. Parenting Kate Oliver, MSW, LCSW-C Behavior and Discipline 212 Why Doesn’t Discipline Work the Way It Did in Those “Good Old Days” Penny G Davis, MA 215 Appropriate Boundaries in Parenting Sue Laney 218 Don’t Use an Elephant Gun to Shoot a Mouse Walt Piszchala 221 Child Neglect and Hoarding Food Charley Joyce, MSW, LICSW 223 Foster Children and Cruelty of Animals Charley Joyce, MSW, LICSW 225 Lying: Why & What To Do About It Charley Joyce, MSW, LICSW 227 Helping Older Children with Bathroom Related Issues Kate Oliver, MSW, LCSW-C 233 Try to Shift a Child’s Negative Behavior Pattern Cheryl A Lieberman and Rhea K Bufferd Working with Schools 238 Supporting Kinship Care Children in the Classroom Christine Mitchell 241 Making Sense of the Letters Christine Mitchell 242 How to Get the School to Work with You and Your Child Jan Wagner 245 Bullying: A Real Problem/Some Real Solutions Sherryll Kraizer, PhD 247 Role Play: Some Good Ways to Respond to A Bully 250 Overcoming Difficult Comprehension Challenges Lee Tobin McClain, PhD 255 Troublesome Family-Based School Assignments Christine Mitchell 257 Special Education 101 June Bond and Mary Eaddy The Teen Years 262 Parenting the Hormonally Challenged: Foster and Adopted Teens and Sexuality Denise Goodman, PhD 264 Adolescence Surviving and Thriving Brenda McCreight, PhD, RSW 268 Teenage Kincare Sherry Howard 273 Response Styles Andrea B. Smith, PhD and Linda L. Dannison, PhD 274 What’s With Those Teenagers? Penny G. Davis, MA 277 Family Talk: How to Handle Teen Lying Drs James and Mary Kenny 278 Let’s Talk About It: Checklist of Things to Discuss when Youth Enter Your Home Iowa Youth Connections Council 279 It’s Not “What You Do”, It’s “How You Be” Mary-Jo Land, CPT, CDDP Tying Up Loose Ends 282 Kinship Care is Complicated Casey Mills 283 Kinship Care: Look Before You Leap June Bond 286 Full Protection Under the Law Tia Marsh with C.J. Lyford, Esq. 289 Wanda’s Story Wanda Crabtree 291 My Adoption Journey Went a Little Like This Michelle L. Martin 292 Keeping Connected to Kin Kim Combes, LBSW, MEd 295 Julie’s Story: Caring for a Sister’s Son Julie Carpenter 297 Our Life Is Rearranged Martha Hooper 299 The Blessing of Raising Charles Lynda Hickok Resources 303 Chapter by Chapter Resource Listing CEU Quizzes 313 Chapter by Chapter CEU Quizzes The Kinship Parenting Toolbox A unique guidebook for the kinship care parenting journey Edited by Kim Phagan-Hansel MSRP $29.95/352 pages/softcover

With 7.1 million grandchildren living with their grand- parents and 4.7 million children living with “other rela- tives,” according to the 2010 census, almost 12 million children in America today are being raised in kinship care. Of course, this group of kinship providers comes with unique needs and challenges that they face. And the out- come for millions of children depend on the resources and support these families can access. This book helps build re- sources for these families, in the hopes that children’s lives will be profoundly, positively impacted. Containing articles from more than 70 contributors touched in a variety of ways by kinship care – grandparents raising grandchildren, children raised by relatives, social workers, therapists, kinship support organizations and others, this book will be a much need resource for those working with and parenting relative’s children.

Chapters include: The Unexpected Role Getting Organized Your Legal Toolbox Your Financial Toolbox Our Changing Family Guilt, Shame, & Love Perspective of the Child Finding Support Parenting Children from Tough Starts Understanding Attachment Behavior and Discipline Working with Schools The Teen Years Tying Up Loose Ends Resources www.emkpress.com Chapter by Chapter CEU Quizzes [email protected] 16 Mt. Bethel Road, #219 Special Pre-Publication pricing until March 1, 2015 Warren, NJ 07059 732-469-7544 visit http://www.emkpress.com/kinshiptoolbox.html 732-469-7861 fax