The Cycle of

Incident

• Any type of occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

Tension Building Making-Up

• Abuser starts to get • Abuser may apologize for abuse angry • Abuser may promise it will never happen • Abuse may begin again • There is a breakdown of • Abuser may the victim for causing communication the abuse • Victim feels the need to • Abuser may deny abuse took place or keep the abuser calm say it was not as bad as the victim • Tension becomes too claims much • Victim feels like they are ‘walking on egg shells’

Calm

• Abuser acts like the abuse never happened • may not be taking place • Promises made during ‘making-up’ may be met • Victim may hope that the abuse is over • Abuser may give gifts to victim

The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete.

It is important to remember that not all relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the 'making-up' and 'calm' stages disappear.

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Revised 02/2020 - 1 - Cycle of Violence The Cycle of Violence - continued

Violence between partners generally follows a cycle, and recognition of the couple's point in the cycle is important to ascertain in order to assess the risk for violence. The Cycle of Violence includes three phases.

Phase 1: The “Calm/Tension Building” Phase This phase begins with a calm period, but tension and stress slowly build. There may be "minor" incidents, with pushing, threats, and/or throwing things. The abuser may become more possessive and want to control the victim in whatever ways possible. Over time, the level of the abuse and control increases and escalates in frequency and severity. The victim is likely to try and delay movement to the next phase by staying out of the way of the abuser, by pleasing and/or placating, as well as by trying to avoid doing anything that might make the abuser angry. Eventually, the victim is likely to feel a sense of anxiety as they wonder when their partner will “break” and initiate a higher level of violence, and at some point the tension becomes unbearable and the acute battering incident occurs. During this phase there can be considerable rationalization, excuse- making and denial of the problem.

Phase 2: The Violent Phase This phase often begins with some explosive outburst and significant violence. The trigger for moving into this phase is rarely the victim’s behavior. This acute battering incident may be triggered by anything (external or internal stressors experienced by the abuser), so there is a lack of predictability. Police, family, friends, neighbors, and even co-workers may intervene during this phase, and the victim may receive services. However, it is often the case that the incident goes undetected by outsiders. Victims may hide their bruises or make up stories to explain their presence. In this phase, victims may call in sick to work and isolate until the “evidence” is gone. Children are at significant risk during this phase. They can be hurt, intentionally or by accident during their parents’ struggle if they directly intervene to halt the abuse and protect one parent. Abuse of a child may be rationalized by the abuser as parenting or discipline, or may follow threats made to the other parent that they will hurt the child. Many people think of violent couples as living constantly in this phase, rather than recognizing the flow among the three phases.

Phase 3: The “Making Up” Phase or “Honeymoon” Phase The abuser is apt to become very affectionate, apologize for the abuse, promise to get help or never hurt their partner again, and show regret with gifts and increased attention. The couple becomes emotionally close during this phase, and because the victim now experiences being loved, it is easier to rationalize the incidence of violence as being a one-time or infrequent thing. Both the abuser and the victim want to believe that it will not happen again. The batterer believes their partner has “learned their lesson” and the victim becomes “hooked” back into the relationship by the loving behavior. The victim may then decide to forgive the partner, as things feel so good in the relationship again. During this phase, the victimization becomes complete due to the intense bonding that occurs between the couple. This makes it the most difficult phase for the victim to see the Cycle of Violence they are in, to confront the denial and leave, or to work towards leaving, the abusive relationship.

Cycle of Violence material adapted from the original concept of Lenore Walker, The Battered Woman. New York, Harper & Row 1979

Revised 02/2020 - 2 - Cycle of Violence