CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, NORTHRIDGE Blame It on My
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CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, NORTHRIDGE Blame It On My Confidence A graduate project submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements For the degree of Master of Art in Art, Visual Art By Andrea Clary May 2018 Copyright by Andrea Clary 2018 ii The graduate project of Andrea Clary is approved: _____________________________________ _________________ Laura Long, MFA Date _____________________________________ _________________ Samantha Fields, MFA Date _____________________________________ _________________ Patsy Cox, MFA, Chair Date California State University, Northridge iii Dedications To my family, friends, and Professors: Without your support, guidance, and knowledge I would not be the person I am today. To my family, making this crazy change from marine biology to ceramics, you stuck by me in every decision I have made. Thank you for trusting me being in the studio late at night till the early morning and also housing every ceramic object I have made! To my friends thank you for being a community where I can lean on in comfort, a shoulder to cry on, and to vent out rough days. You are my support group! Also to my friends who would come stay late nights with me as I finish my work and keep me motivated throughout my years at CSUN. Lastly to all my amazing professors, thank you for going through this journey of my ups and downs with art. You all keep me on the right track and thank you for never losing hope in me. iv Table of Contents Copyright Page ii Signature Page iii Dedications iv Abstract vi Indroduction 1 Section 1: Body Positivity 2 Section 2: Hip Hop 3 Section 3: Influence 5 Section 4: Form and Process 8 Conclusion 11 Bibliography 12 Appendix A: Images 13 v Abstract Blame It On My Confidence By Andrea Clary Master of Art in Art, Visual Art “I’m so self- conscious, that’s why you always see me with at least one of my watches” -Kanye West, “All Falls Down” Reacting to media images of celebrity culture, I am deeply impacted by contemporary westernized beauty ideals. Fashion, body image, and celebration of femininity are the starting points; hip-hop’s assertive cultural messages of defiance become the response. I am learning to love and accept my own body and channel this personal growth into object making. Mimicking parts of my body, through folds and undulations, my surfaces are accessorized by luxury print and fabric surfaces. Gold luster is used to symbolically reference high level of self-confidence as well as the great monetary value society places on wealth and status, especially as seen through Hip-Hop’s cultural underpinnings. vi Introduction My work explores ideas about of indulgence, high-maintenance, and lavishness. The receptive nature of clay captures my marks while allowing me to give permanence to my ideas by firing the clay, which results in a ceramic object. Self-acceptance inspired by the Body Positive Movement is incorporated it into my work, and has allowed me to embrace a new-found confidence and ability to share that struggle with others. Being a plus size woman does not fit within conventional ideas of perfection as portrayed through media. Creating objects that mimic parts of my own body, that I once was dissatisfied with, allow me to celebrate and embrace my physicality. Through my work, I aspire to share the struggle toward a more confident acceptance of who you are, and to empower others to realize and recognize their own power. Body Positivity is becoming mainstream, it’s stated meaning encourages the adoption of affirmations and encouraging attitudes toward the negativity that often colors one’s perceptions of self. My work is part of a subtle nod for others to acknowledge the potential of a healthy perspective toward celebrating who they are as they too navigate the influential, difficult and unachievable standards defined by images of perfection that surround us. 1 Section 1: Body Positivity Talking about one’s body can be a very delicate subject especially if you are plus- sized. Societal definitions of plus-sized people include judgements with damaging words including: lazy, undisciplined, unhealthy, disgusting and unhappy. The weight of these judgements can affect a person’s perception of themselves in devastating ways. Challenging conventional societal judgement can be extremely difficult. It is okay to “love the skin you are in” and to love yourself by finding the power to challenge “perfection” and expectation. My pieces represent parts of my body that feel criticized and critiqued. I am taking ownership over how I am portrayed and seen. Reading the autobiography by actress Gabourey Sidibe, This Is Just My Face, was instrumental in my understanding that I am not alone in my struggles. “I knew that no matter what someone was going to make fun of me every day, and I prayed to be able to hold my tears” (Sidibe, 123). I recognized that if I did not find some voice to help me structure and develop my own vision of myself I would continue to have difficulty. I found that voice in Sidibe’s sharing of her own struggles and it is a further inspiration that hearing the stories of others can be life changing. This passion to share my voice has made its way into my creative work. Sidibe’s descriptions of her experiences were enlightening, she also wrote, “I learned that if I couldn’t stop the jokes about my weight I could make them first like exaggerating my weight was part of some elaborate comedy act” (Sidibe, 123). It was a strategy to not let people get to her. I developed my own strategy by making my pieces “desirable” before someone could tell me that they are not, after this exercise, no one can tell me how to see myself. I found my power through example, I aspire to be that example for others. 2 Section 2: Hip Hop Kanye West’s hip-hop album, The College Dropout, 2004 was the first album I owned when I was thirteen. The College Dropout, and Late Registration, 2005, was my gateway to hip-hop music. There is something about hip-hop music that boosts my confidence. The lyrics which include, “I gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly” were vital in getting me through the day. The 1994 song, “Juicy” by The Notorious B.I.G. about his struggle and was so real it struck me and resonated with my own frustrations. His confidence was evident through his narrative, “…just the right blend of plump confidence and plumper insecurity out into the atmosphere” (Serrano, 104). People knew what Biggie was rapping about, it was poignant and utterly relatable. Hip- hop doesn’t always send a positive message but I found solace in a few of its statements at a time when I was seeking affirmation. In Kanye West’s album, The College Dropout, the song “All Falls Down” is West’s struggle with his insecurities. “It’s about being self- conscious, but really it’s about being insecure” (Serrano, 205). These words reached me as I, too, was feeling self-conscious and insecure, by in my case, that unease was about my body. “I’ve got a cute face chubby waist thick legs in shape rump shaking both ways make you do a double take.” Missy Elliot is a woman rapper who has a unique style. “She, a woman with a body society deems too big, and skin too dark….who amplified the qualities that made her unique, who used her style, makeup, and music to reject Western beauty standards. She defined her own standard of beauty by being a boss” (Acquaye, Teen Vogue). With her style and lyrics, she was someone who I can relate too. She showed the music world that you can still be weird, look different, and still be successful. 3 Another female rapper that also shines through her confidence was Queen Latifah. “I’ve reinvented myself so many times throughout my career, but I always go back to my true essence. Coming home to yourself might not always feel like the best place, but it’s you, and you’ve got to embrace that” (Shanahan, InStyle). Latifah taught me to always stay true to you no matter what anyone says. Her music is so empowering and it was there for me to get through tough days. I continued to seek affirmation through this music. It seemed to speak my thoughts more eloquently than I could articulate them at the time and “to let all the haters know they cannot touch you”. It makes sense for me to title my pieces after the snippets of empowerment I find in certiant hip-hop songs play that repeat in my head as I’m working. During my studio time, music is always playing and that is when I just let some of the lyrics speak to my work. 4 Section 3: Influence I constantly seek people who look like me in movies, television shows, and models looking for similar affirmations of successful individuals who have arrived in the world despite their personal struggles with weight or body image. I have always struggled with my weight in both the numbers on the scale and the invisible weight of how others look at me. Compliments can be painful to negotiate in their complexity, “you would be so pretty if you just lose weight” or “you are pretty for a big girl”. I used to believe that being this heavy would get me nowhere. Feeling this way most of my life was exhausting and depressing. Finally it was enough. Confidence was key to get all the poison thoughts out of my mind.